Rick and Morty (2013) s04e07 Episode Script

1
Aah, aah!
Oh, my God.
Holy [BLEEP].
- Oh.
- What are What are these things?!
Do I look like I know?
Last thing I remember,
I was, ugh, in a cave
looking at some wet egg and
Oh, that probably did it.
I told you not to look at that egg!
I-It was too wet.
You don't get to tell
me what to look at.
I've seen your Pornhub account.
Also, who makes a Pornhub account?
The algorithm learns your
preferences better that way.
Plus if you get in kind of a
cool enough relationship,
you can sort of follow each other
and check out each
other's kinks, you know?
All right, God damn, sold.
- How do we get out of here?
- Morty, relax.
They're face-hugging parasites.
I don't think their society's
gonna be that hard to navigate.
Okay, yeah, this might be a
little harder than I thought.
Holy [BLEEP] They've got an M&M's store.
This is bad, Rick.
Th-Th-Th-Th-This is really bad.
Just be cool, Morty.
All we gotta do is blend in,
find our ship, and get
the [BLEEP] outta here.
All right, Morty, here's the plan,
put this back on your face.
I-I'm not putting that back on my face!
Relax. It's dead.
Okay, now it's dead.
Come on, hurry up.
Rick, i-it's bleeding.
I-It's bleeding acid.
All right, well, that
should be the last of it.
If not, then just gimme
two tugs on the arm.
Seems like a
self-destructive life cycle.
Is that gonna happen to us?
You feel an egg in your stomach?
- No.
- Well, glass half full.
- How's it going?
- 'Sup.
- Glory to Glorzo.
- Totally.
Love Glorzo.
Glorzo is peace.
Peace is Glorzo.
Wow, just cogs in the machine, y'know?
- Ma-Makes you think
- Yeah, I'm sure you'll make this
into a beautiful short film
that your parents'll pay for,
Morty, but right now, we really
just need to find my ship.
You sure you're not just jealous?
Looks like I'm kind of a
celebrity around here.
The future is Glorzo!
Oh, my God. I was just reading you.
Congratulations on making
it into print media.
Real bright future there.
Honestly, it's shocking to
see the two of you together.
Because we're both geniuses?
No, because I've seen your videos,
and you make me [BLEEP] sick.
Fix him.
Glory to Glorzo.
Sir, you shouldn't wander off like that.
We've been looking all over for you.
The project is ready for your approval.
Sir, is this man bothering you?
Um, no, h-he's fine.
Uh, what what project?
Jesus Christ, who the [BLEEP] was I?
Here's a scientific fact
I'm not allowed to say
Our hosts are biologically
designed to incubate our eggs.
If that "triggers" you, [BLEEP] off.
If it doesn't, please
like and subscribe.
New videos every Glorzday.
God, was I at least rich?
I mean, d-d-did I at least sell out
and sell vitamins or something?
Rick, I've watched
enough Pornhub to know
what a studio apartment looks like.
God damn.
Jesus, your Glorzo got [BLEEP] done.
My lord, we await your command.
Oh, to shoot it? A-At people?
Glorzo is peace.
All shall be made Glorzo.
Glory to Glorzo.
I did this?
You and the amazing technology
you both brought us.
Yeah, makes sense.
A-And where was this heading?
Earth? Probably Earth?
The humans call it "Earth."
Yeah, well, okay,
first of all, great work.
You guys obviously put
a lot of work into this.
- Okay.
- And y'know, it shows.
I-It really shows. But um
I-I've been thinking, and, you know,
maybe we should just call this off.
Sorry, is is there more?
Nope, nope.
I-I guess, uh, that that's it.
Just don't Glorzo Earth.
Just would've been nice
to have heard this sooner
before we spent all day on it.
Yeah, well, I-I'm just
hearing about it, too.
- You ordered it.
- Right.
I-I did, and, um
I'm just saying for next time,
maybe put more thought into
it before a whole day of
Okay, well, I'm sorry I made you
do your job for a [BLEEP] day!
You look like you were all really busy
- before I came and [BLEEP] it all up.
- Boy, oh, boy, huh?
This guy's a genius, but at
but at what price, you know?
Y'know, [BLEEP] you, Rick!
Who's Rick?
Yeah, well, if we're
free to ask questions,
why haven't you blinked,
uh, for 20 minutes,
and why, uh, doesn't your
mouth move when you talk?
Ah, geez, look at me.
I-I feel down on on on the floor.
Oh, let let me, uh, help
help you out here, buddy.
Ah, thanks, man.
Thanks, pal. That's right.
I'm right back where where
right back in the saddle here.
All right, [BLEEP] it, run.
I-I hate this! I hate all of this!
Yeah, yeah, keep that
feedback coming, Morty.
It can only help.
- Oh, [BLEEP]
- Aw, man!
How big is this city?!
I know, it's like pick a lane.
Are you face huggers or industrialists?
Damn, feels kinda good
when there's no guilt, huh?
Yeah, it's it's like in "Star Wars."
Yeah, just like in "Star Wars." Go nuts!
Nice, Morty! Give a little
"yee-haw" if you want.
They They always do a little
"yee-haw" like a cowboy.
Yee Yee-ha Yee-haw.
Good enough.
God, I needed this.
Honestly, it's been a while
since I've been able
to just let loose, you know?
Just have fun. I'm I'm
I'm sorry if I've been
taking it out on you.
No, I get it. You got a
lot on your plate, amigo.
I-I just wish you'd open up
to me more about it sometimes, you know?
I-I-I'm your partner.
Thanks, Morty. I mean that. Thank you.
Sometimes, I get a little
in my head, you know?
Hey, man, that head's
a good place to be.
Just remember to let me
in sometimes, you know?
Will do, buddy. Mother[BLEEP]
Oh, my God, this is so much fun!
- I don't want to stop!
- Yeah, it's like popping bubble wrap.
Honestly, I'm proud of us for not.
Totally. It would've been cheap.
Yeah, real low-hanging fruit,
and we're better than that.
Pearl Harbor, on the other hand
Yeah, I think that's in-bounds.
I am the god of death!
Should've been a better species!
So, you did a 9/11?
Almost did a 9/11.
We We went with a Pearl Harbor.
We're pretty classy.
Why were either of those an option?
Ask the Saudis.
Wow. Damn.
Yeah, getting political.
I'm political now. How 'bout you, Jerry?
You got anything to add
to the family dynamic?
I've been getting into
beekeeping lately.
Is something wrong with that?
What's wrong with that?
Don't I have the right
to be happy? To exist?
I'm sorry I didn't 9/11 Pearl Harbor
before breakfast,
but I have a life, too!
- I have dreams!
- And how's Summer?
Did she have fun, too?
Oh. Uh-um.
Summer was
With us.
There.
You saw us take her in the car with us.
- Mm, yes.
- Yes, yes, of course.
Th-That's what happened.
- And now she's
- Sleepy.
Um, she's she's sleepy.
Really sleepy.
- That's why she's not here.
- So sleepy.
She's sleepy?!
What the hell was that?!
- I didn't see you trying anything!
- [BLEEP] the bed isn't better
than not [BLEEP] the bed!
Where's Summer?!
Geez. Oh, man.
You know, maybe we went
too hardcore on these guys.
Yeah, why do you think we never go back
to a place we've already been?
Do you know how many
adventures we could get out
of Purge Planet, Morty? Gear World?
I don't sequel. It's called integrity.
Here, put this back on your face.
- You kept it?
- Oh, did you want a new one?
- 'Sup?
- Yo.
Oh, [BLEEP] It's them!
The worst thing to ever happen to us!
Yeah, that makes sense.
Sorry, Morty, we tried pussin' it.
Time to go in hot.
Rickputer, initiate
unnecessarily badass suit-up.
Let's lick [BLEEP]
Shouldn't we be finding Summer?
Oh, right, gee, sorry.
I got caught up again.
God, d-do I need to take more Adderall,
or am I taking too much Adderall?
Man, really shouldn't
have gone with swords.
I know. My wrists are killing me.
Flame-throwers next time, for sure.
Can I get a laser whip?
Okay, but there's no way
you don't chop your dick off.
Sum Sum, come with us
if you want to live
at a lower standard than
this, I guess. God damn.
Empress, is everything all right?
Ummm seize them!
- Seize them?!
- What?!
- Summer, you bitch!
- You gotta be kidding me!
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪
You know that song, Rick?
From the When the prisoners sing it?
Come on, Morty, for [BLEEP] sake.
It's my jail time. I-I can
spend it however I want.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
buddy! Hey, hey, hey!
Not in here! Not in here!
Aw Gimme that.
Leave us.
What the [BLEEP] took you so long?!
- You left me here.
- We didn't know you were with us!
Do you know how much [BLEEP]
I've had to deal with?
You're in a cape, Summer.
How bad could it be?
No bad story ends with a cape.
You don't know anything about my story.
"I couldn't help but wonder,
was Gharkhul really capable
of consuming a living sun,
or was I simply getting
too close to Gharkhul?
Was Gharkhul consuming me?"
Rick, can we listen to something else?
Quiet! She's just about
to summon Gharkhul.
She's been talking about
summoning Gharkhul
for three episodes, Summer.
Wait a minute, what's
that in your mouth?
It's a toothpick.
I'm a toothpicker now. Get used to it.
God, are you that desperate for a thing?
It is my thing.
Just like yours is dying alone
and yours is jerking off.
At least jerking off tracks
for my character, you know?
I like to jerk off.
- I'm 14. I own it.
- Well, I jerk off, too!
- All right, stop.
- Jesus Chris, I don't wanna think
- about that [BLEEP]
- Summer, keep your toothpick.
- Gross!
- Morty, stop talking to your sister
about jerking off. Everyone
pretend podcasting isn't boring.
Whoa, Morty, look how wet this egg is.
I dunno, Rick. That
looks a little too wet.
- D-Don't touch it.
- Oh, I'm gonna touch it.
Why are you guys screaming at an egg?
Shut up, Summer!
- Just let us look at an egg!
- Yeah, Summer, shut the [BLEEP] up.
- [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
- Nobody wants you here.
You know, sometimes we
like to go on adventures
and look at wet eggs, you know?
Can we just go? This place
is giving me the creeps.
- Holy [BLEEP] I love this egg.
- Hey, look, mine's doing it, too.
Are you guys sure that's safe?
Oh, my God!
All is Glorzo.
All is Glorzo.
- God.
- God.
God? She has a toothpick.
Take it out and put her face in an egg.
- God.
- God.
For [BLEEP] sake, how long
have you been hatched?
30 seconds?
I've been alive seven minutes.
- Think before you
- Excuse me, seven minutes?
Uh, I've been here for 29 minutes.
But yes, take the toothpick
out of her mouth.
Suck on her face this instant
and use her body to
What was that?
That is called responsibility.
He was part of our greatest generation.
He understood that what you
need to do is suck on a face,
shit an egg, and die.
Wait, so, all you do
is live half an hour,
[BLEEP] eggs, and die?
Yes. We love it.
I'll do it right now.
Okay, you guys don't
have to listen to me,
but I vote you don't do that?
And who's up for changing
things around here?
Well, I was hatched from
an egg laid by some guy ♪
'Cause that is Glorzo's way ♪
And then it came time to
lay my own egg and die ♪
But Summer, she said ♪
"Hey, Glorzo wants you to stay" ♪
Glory to Glorzo ♪
Means glory to me ♪
If we're only making eggs ♪
Are we ever making Glorzo free? ♪
All right, look, uh, this [BLEEP]
been brewing for a while.
I'm not gonna win any popularity
contests by saying it,
but here's here's
the world as I see it.
And for all we know ♪
Everything we've known ♪
Is just some shit we made up ♪
Glory to Glorzo ♪
Means glory to me ♪
We got too many eggs
and not enough society ♪
I mean, look, we are designed
to suck on faces and lay eggs.
Life is life, and
that's the way it goes.
Hello, Troy. Hello, Jez.
- How is it going?
- Really good, commander.
Should be ready by tomorrow.
That is what I like to hear.
Great work, Glory to Glorzo.
Honestly, Summer,
I can't thank you enough.
When we met, we were just
shitting eggs in a cave,
but you showed us life
is about more than that.
It is about living.
And now, with these missiles,
we will be able to reach
the entire universe.
We say it all the time,
but I guess all is Glorzo.
Yeah, that sounds great.
- And you've been great.
- Yeah.
You've been so great
that I've been thinking
maybe it's time for you
to get off my brother.
Who's your brother?
Oh, this?
Forgot he was there, haha.
Wait. What are you saying?
I'm saying that you've
been great, Steve,
but we've been thinking
it's time for a new chapter.
- We?
- Uh, this is Shane.
He'll be handling the day-to-day.
It's an honor to meet you, sir.
I might only be two minutes old,
but I know you're a legend.
She doesn't care about us.
She just wants her [BLEEP] host back.
- I don't know what to do.
- Oh, now you want my help.
Too late for that.
Come on, man. What is this [BLEEP]
You don't get to do this to me.
We were in eggs together.
Oh, [BLEEP] since we were in eggs.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
now you respect, like,
the biological institutions now?
[BLEEP] you. All you care about
is "progress" and society
and skyscrapers.
You don't care about [BLEEP] biology.
Oh, yeah, well, what the [BLEEP]
You How you you haven't laid
and egg inside this old man yet?
Because I do what I want.
Because someone's gotta
stand up for what's right.
Why do you hate her so much?
Because she took you away from me!
Whoa, man. Jesus Christ.
- No, I-I didn't, I
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. No.
It's cool.
I feel the same way.
Oh, my God, I
I wish we could suck on each other.
- I wanna suck on you, too.
- I'm gonna suck you so hard.
- Suck me.
- C-C-Can we do this?
A-A-Are we allowed to do this?
I don't care. I just want you.
[BLEEP] all of this.
Let's just get the hell outta here
and be whatever the [BLEEP] we want.
That's evolution. That's progress.
I want a family.
Can we have a family.
Yeah.
Aah, aah!
Oh, my God.
Holy [BLEEP]
- Oh.
- What are What are these things?!
Do I look like I know?
Hey, wait a second. How'd
you know that last part?
- You weren't there for that.
- I had to fill in some gaps.
Everyone around the office
knew about Steve and Bruce.
I've got a plan, okay. You
just have to follow my lead.
The punishment is death.
- Mother[BLEEP] Summer!
- You said you had a plan!
Silence.
The council of Glorzos has spoken.
More like council of [BLEEP]
- Glorzo is law.
- Silence.
The punishment is death.
By getting their car.
- Summer?
- Shut up.
Yes, place them in the car.
Those pieces of [BLEEP]
No, no, no! This is like torture.
No, I-I-I-I hate being in my car.
You deserve it, you pieces of [BLEEP]
And to make sure the sentence is passed,
I shall be joining them.
In the car.
And we shall drive away
from here and die.
Oooookay.
Guess what, everybody.
It's me, the whiny guy you
never want to hear from.
She's trying to escape with her family.
My time to shine. Execute her.
Okay, plan B. Morty, now.
Aah!
Jesus, Morty, that sucks.
All right, stop playing,
Morty. I-I got this.
Aah!
This is what we get for evolving?
Sorry! Sorry.
I-I'm sorry. We We
We thought you were evil.
Why would you think that?
We had a giant tower that
blared "Glorzo is peace."
I know. I Should Should we help?
- Boo!
- Oh, like that's helping.
Got it. Going. Okay,
we're gonna hit the road.
You're You're just going?
You told us to go!
Once again, I'm so
sorry for what they
You're part of this, too. Boo!
We hate you the most.
Get out.
Jesus, Summer, why'd
you let these things
stay on us for so long?
I was working with a lot.
Just let me listen to
the podcast next time.
Nailed that landing.
Huh. Neat-looking egg.
Okay, well, I'm not
cleaning up this [BLEEP]
Aah!
Maybe we, uh Maybe we don't
tell people about this one.
Did we at least learn something?
That we suck and everyone sucks?
I guess that counts.
Later, chodes.
Hit me on the next one.
You know, Rick, I'm sure you wanna jump
into another crazy adventure,
but can we just relax
and maybe watch some
interdimensional cable?
- I'm cool if you are.
- Honestly, that sounds great.
W-We don't need to try
so hard, you know.
Let's just take it easy
and riff, you know.
- That's what I love about us.
- Me, too, buddy.
Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?
Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?
Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?
Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?
- Reggie?
- Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?
Reggie, you all right in there?
Mm, Rick, do you feel
Oh, God, I have to shit an egg.
Oh, my God, oh, [BLEEP]
Oh, it hurts. Oh, God,
- is this how we die, Rick?
- I don't know, Morty.
- Is this how we die?!
- I don't know! Aah!
I don't want to [BLEEP] an egg, Rick!
I'm sorry, Morty. I'm sorry!
- It's my fault. It's all my fault!
- Hey, you two. Did you
Beth, your son is dying! Say goodbye!
What are you
Say goodbye to your little boy!
No, look away!
I'm making an egg, Mom.
I'm making an egg!
You said you'd keep me
more in the loop this year.
Look away, Beth! Daddy loves you!
My ass! My ass!
This is it, Morty!
It's full circle from
the pilot. Full circle!
Oh, I guess we, uh
I guess we both just
had to take a [BLEEP]
Yeah, I-I-I guess we, uh
[BLEEP] gross.
Guys, clean it up.
Look at your dad.
Such a dork, keeping bees.
I mean, it's at least
it's interesting, though.
At least, like
I wish my dad kept bees.
I mean, it's kind of cute.
Like your dad keeps bees.
How old is your dad?
He's obviously beekeeping age.
I don't know, I think
it's kind of sweet.
Summer, I want to [BLEEP] your dad.
Oh, really?