Survivor's Remorse (2014) s04e07 Episode Script
Optics
1 And this poker game is out of control.
REGGIE: This is Tom Werner, Flaherty, Chen, Richard Freeman, I mean, if I want to run with those guys, there's no better way than playing cards.
MISSY: This is our money, yours and mine.
I have absolutely no control over my own financial life.
We did not have you educated for you to whine like this.
You want your own resources? Go out and gather them.
It's offensive, the sin of waste.
How about the sin of being an asshole? - Are you gonna do something? - Oh, I'll do something.
- The fuck up and - CASSIE: Oh, my God! Mary Charles, are you a monster? Come here, you smug piece of shit.
Let me get you a toothpick! He was charging me for coke! You have serious issues! THERAPIST: I'm glad that you've decided to start attending your therapy sessions, Mary Charles.
They have a much better chance of working when you're here.
Well, I want to feel better.
Also, it was either this or prison.
That pisses me off, but Well, tell me some of the things that piss you off.
Oh, we only have 50 minutes, right? CASSIE: How are you enjoying your private weekend away so far? - CAM: Ma, leave us alone.
- CASSIE: All right.
Call me later.
Hey, thanks for arranging everything.
I think you'll like this place.
I will if it clears my head, gets the basketball out, the worries about the world.
Gets you and me out from under my family for the first time since - Ever.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Mmm.
Okay.
I really like Road Trip Allison.
And we ain't even there yet.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
We getting there.
Good job on the advance tour, Chen.
I am so excited, I could shit.
I never understood this expression.
Why is shitting a desirable or even an acceptable reaction to a positive stimulus? I say this with all love, but if you ain't African-American you can't know how much this museum means.
I mean, the other Afrocentric museums in Atlanta could fit into the restroom of this one.
Again, a veiled shit reference.
Unintentional.
All I'm saying is there are other places one can go for one's metaphors, for fuck's sake.
Look, this museum is a statement, a declaration, the planting of a flag, the biggest, blackest museum in the biggest, blackest city in America.
My God, I can't believe I'm emotional.
"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum of African-American Life.
" He was the principal benefactor.
"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum of African-American Life?" He got us the advance tour.
Okay.
Is there any chance that Leonard Moscowitz is a black guy? Very small chance.
Very, very small.
I believe he's Jewish.
Could he be a black Jew like Lenny Kravitz or Whoopi Goldberg or Jesus? I only met him once, but I had the sense that he was not black.
This was based mostly on his whiteness.
Okay, so you're telling me that the name on the Museum of African-American Life is not an African-American name.
I'm not telling you that.
That gigantic sign is telling you that.
Un-fucking-believable.
Mary Charles, I don't understand.
Every time we plant a flag, it's gotta be under the white man's banner.
We gotta have permission.
We gotta have a supervisor.
I mean and for fuck, why would he use such big letters? Well, a good number of his people wear glasses.
I ain't worried about his people.
I'm worried about my people.
Well, maybe he didn't realize how black people would feel when they saw it.
Then somebody should've told him.
People are reluctant to criticize the rich and the powerful who tend to live in ivory towers.
How much of a fucking ivory tower do you gotta live in to not know that it might be in slightly poor taste to put the name "Leonard Moscowitz" on the Museum of African-American Life? That ain't an ivory tower, Chen.
That's an ivory bunker.
That's a fucking fortress of ivory.
I'm beginning to see that now.
Can you get me a meeting with this guy? You were so excited a minute ago.
Perhaps we can look past the sign, see the glass as half-full? I mean, if it matters, I'm still waiting for the Chinese-American museum.
Then go and build it.
You got the money for it in the ashtray of your car.
You can call it the Ziggy Berkowitz Museum - of Chinese-American Life.
- Okay, take it easy.
And anyway, it's way too many Chinese in America for a museum.
You'd overrun the place.
As of this morning there are 3.
8 million Chinese Americans.
Well, it feels like more.
You know, every time we talk about race, someone blows a gasket.
I long for the day when we are all one blended race and all of this shit yes, shit, I said it will go away.
Well, you and Ma just keep doing what you're doing.
Until then, I want a meeting.
I ain't setting foot in that place without it.
Can't.
This basement reminds me of the first time I was molested.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- CHEN: By a cartoon? Some of this stuff is from the previous owners.
The renovations are still in the the planning stages.
- Fuck you, Jimmy.
- [LAUGHTER.]
How many stairs did I have to take to get down here? What? Guys, it was Reggie's turn to host.
So tonight, we're slumming it.
Oh, well, thank you.
Before we begin, a toast to Chen for kissing us in on 6565 Peachtree, the sweetest commercial real estate flip in anybody's memory.
To Da Chen Bao, master of the deal flow.
- Hey, to Chen! - To Chen.
TOM: Thanks to you, in all my bathrooms, in all my homes, I'm installing those Japanese toilet seats that actually weigh you before and after.
Japanese take deceptively heavy shits.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, Reggie, let's play cards.
Or are we having a puppet show first? [LAUGHTER.]
I have the reservation right here.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Abdul-Jabbar.
That's your guest alias, to preserve privacy.
Mrs.
Abdul-Jabbar selected the Marshall suite, second floor, very best we have.
- And way to go, Allison.
- Sekinah.
- What's my name? - Weirdly, Nelson.
- Nelson Abdul-Jabbar? - That's correct.
You'll enjoy the antique furniture and the vintage fixtures and the free wi-fi.
Gosh, it's a stunning blend of old and new, and a big favorite on TripAdvisor.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sounds great.
Yeah, thanks for humoring me there.
They make me give that speech to all the new arrivals.
Oh, no problem.
I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other.
- I understand.
- We feel you.
Well, things haven't exactly worked out as planned for me.
I had a scholarship to study hotel management, Florida State.
And something got fucked up with my ACTs.
- Hey, you're doing great.
- Just keep your head up.
Yep.
Yeah, stay the course.
Fucking longest year of my life.
- Okay, well, we're gonna head upstairs now.
- Yeah.
Use the handrail.
Woman fell last week.
Horrible sound.
All right, we will, uh, use the handrail.
Thank you.
- Let's get the fuck out of this lobby.
- Mm-hmm.
Reggie, minus 22 Gs.
Oh, that's a setback for that basement renovation.
Richard, plus 26.
Thank you, Atlanta.
Jimmy, minus 166.
- Ooh! - Jesus.
I gotta either quit drinking or quit bluffing.
Please continue doing both.
You do have a tell, you know.
- What is it? - When you're bluffing, you do this.
- That's it! That's it! - I do not! Sometimes it's less pronounced.
All right, fuck all of you.
You'll be visited tomorrow by the usual cash mules.
Except for you, Reggie, obviously.
- Thanks for hosting.
- See you, Reg.
Enjoyed your third world basement.
Next game on the set of "Romper Room.
" - [LAUGHTER .]
- That's fu Uh oh.
The Peachtree Street deal? - It was Peachtree Road.
- Okay.
Just after Peachtree Battle Avenue and before Peachtree Hills.
Yeah, whatever fucking Peachtree it was, it must've been pretty sweet.
Delectable.
We got an easement.
Tripled the value.
Wow.
And why wasn't I in on it? - You? - Me.
I never thought about it.
You have neither expertise in commercial real estate nor quick access to capital.
I got money, Chen.
No, what you have is a healthy bank account.
The guys in the deal, they have money.
Which is why I needed to be in on it.
It starts with bringing something to the table.
[LAUGHS.]
How about the actual table? How about we work together? How about you see me getting bled in this game, just, you know, trying to cultivate relationships.
I didn't think I had to cultivate the one with you.
How about you're fucking my aunt, motherfucker? If anything, that would make me an auntfucker.
And actually, what Cassie and I do is not fucking.
It's making love.
So if you must, you can call me an aunt-love-maker-with.
Okay, Chen, that's enough.
I am always hesitant to invest the money of my friends.
The risk to the friendship is too great.
But you do it with those guys.
Because I don't give a fuck about those guys.
Those are friends of convenience, but you are like family.
In a fraternal sense, Reggie, I love you.
- I love you.
- Okay, just take it easy.
There's an old Chinese proverb.
"Lose a friend's money, and he will shove a water ox up your ass.
" I am a big boy.
It's my ox, it's my ass.
It's my risk.
Technically, the ass is mine.
- Chen.
- A minor point, I understand.
- I would like to leave.
- Please.
[BOTH MOANING.]
Oh, Cam! [MOANING .]
Oh, my Oh, baby.
[SQUELCHING.]
Aah! [LAUGHS.]
[BOTH MOAN.]
Oh, my gosh.
Oh.
Wow, I've never heard you come like that before.
Well, you never bit me before.
Hotels always bring the freak out of me.
- Mm-hmm.
- When we get home, we're moving to a hotel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are you hungry? Hmm, for which? Food or the other? You cannot still be hungry for the other.
Hmm.
But room service will be quick! Gimme the Leonard Moscowitz, may I present Mary Charles Calloway? - Call me M-Chuck.
- Hi.
Uh, call me Leonard.
I am a big fan of your brother's.
- I think that he is the be - [PHONE RINGING.]
God damn it! He is the best thing to happen to this city since Hank Aaron.
Well, thank you, I'll pass that along.
And thank you also for this magnificent museum, Oh, come on.
which will mean so much to black people here in Atlanta, - and all over the country.
- Well, I was honored to do it.
But you didn't schlep all the way down here just to say thank you, and I like you already, so why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? Why'd you put your name on the front of the building? Because no one would see it on the back of the building.
Why do people have to see it? Because I want them to see it.
Which is perfectly natural, but which is also, to a black person, deeply, deeply offensive.
My name is offensive? In this context, yes, Leonard.
In another context, it's a perfectly lovely name, and fun to say! "Leonard Moscowitz.
" I enjoy that.
Leonard Moscowitz.
Yeah, it's good.
- Mm-hmm.
- But this museum is a testament to the 400-year struggle of African-Americans, and so the first thing we see shouldn't be quite so Moscowitz-y.
So it's okay to give the money, but I shouldn't be acknowledged.
No, you should be, with a lovely plaque, maybe.
And other things too, you know, like a dinner, for instance, for Man of the Year.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- You see God damn it.
Now, Miss Calloway, I donated $26.
4 million to this museum.
I ramrodded it through City Council.
- I got - None of that changes the principle.
I mean, think about it.
How would you feel if you went to the Holocaust Museum and over the door it said, "Brought to you by Tyler Perry"? I'd feel I went into the wrong business.
You'd be devastated.
You'd be just as injured as I am.
I wanted to make a statement.
That what, you're a great guy? No, that oppressed groups should stand together.
How are you an oppressed group? Somebody tell this guy he's white.
- You're white, Leonard.
- Yeah, well, I may be white, but I am also Jewish.
You just said, "I may be white, but I'm also white.
" Well, Jewish people aren't white the way other whites are white.
What fucking kind of white are they, then? My people have a long history of being oppressed by other whiter whites.
We were persecuted by the Russians, we were boiled by the Spanish, fricasseed by the Germans, frozen by the Soviets.
Your people came here for freedom.
My people were already free, but were kidnapped, and brought here and enslaved.
Today, your struggle is over.
Oh, right, apart from the death threats and desecrated cemeteries.
No cops are shooting your children.
Nobody's throwing your men in jail.
If you don't count insider trading.
- Chen, please.
- What? A little levity.
Our people were once slaves, too.
To what, fashion? To the Egyptians, who were, by the way, Africans, so in a sense, we used to work for you.
And in a sense, you make no sense.
See, now that's rude, and I take pains not to be rude to you.
Why are you allowed to be rude to me? Because the people on the bottom of the ladder don't gotta be as nice to the people on top as the people on top gotta be to the people on bottom.
You are not on the bottom.
Your brother is toast of the town.
As a people we are still oppressed.
But not by me! Look, compared to my people, I gotta say you're doing great.
You just had a black president.
We're still waiting for a Jewish one.
Entertainment business, you guys are hot.
The Jews, believe me, ice cold.
My grandchildren dress like you, they listen to hip-hop.
Now how many black 10-year-olds do you know who have swag yarmulkes and klezmer on their Spotify? Hmm? What did you say before Spotify? I'm just saying that neither one of us has the market cornered on umbrage.
Look, I am sorry about your people's troubles.
I am.
I didn't know about the Spanish barbeque thing.
It's fucked up.
But this museum is not yours.
It's ours.
So if you're gonna give it, give it, graciously.
And if you're gonna receive it, receive it graciously.
Okay.
What do you say we all go out for some potato latkes and collard greens? - Chen.
- Jesus.
Walking away.
Miss Calloway, I really don't know what to say to you.
How about "I'm sorry.
" - [SIGHS.]
- Or "I'm really sorry.
" Or maybe, "Somebody get a baseball bat, and knock my name off the front of the building.
" [SIGHS.]
Thank you very much for coming down.
Have a very nice rest of the day.
Bay Street Scramble, Mayme's Omelette, coffee, toast for two.
- Thank you, Duane.
- DUANE: Mm-hmm.
Hey, is there a a costume party or something going on downstairs? What? Oh, you talking about my threads.
No, brother, this is just how I dress.
My personal style.
I see you, Duane.
$20? Goddamn, son.
What do you do for a living? Gimme five! On the black hand side! Down low.
- Too slow! - Oh, man.
- Duane, you're a trip.
- $20? Listen here, baby girl.
For $20 you need anything, I mean anything, you just let me know.
Duane's your man, rain, hail, sleet or snow.
Will do.
Thank you, Duane.
He's a good dude.
I almost gave him another $20 to get the fuck out.
He was sweet.
Forgot the hot sauce, though.
[PHONE RINGING.]
How can I help you, Mr.
Abdul-Jabbar? Uh, Duane just brought up room service, but unfortunately left off the hot sauce.
- Could you send up a bottle? - I'm sorry.
Uh, who did you say delivered your food? - Duane.
- Can you describe him? Mustache, afro, kind of retro-looking.
Had a pack of Newports in his chest pocket.
Well, hmm.
It's been a while since we've seen him.
What does that mean? JARED: Duane died in 1978.
What? Ah! Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Boy, when they say same day delivery, they are not just whistling Dixie.
I wish I knew what that meant.
Oh, Chen, thank you so much for including me on this one.
I'm not deaf to your requests, especially when you make them over and over again in a profanity-laced tirade.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry about that, man.
You know, I'm just trying to do what's best for my family.
Read the prospectus.
I will need a wire by the 23rd.
Copy that.
Reggie.
As I say to Cassie before every sexual encounter, past performance does not guarantee future success.
I live my life without guarantees.
They say he fell off a roof 39 years ago in the spring while cleaning out the leaders and gutters.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's a deceptively dangerous job.
You reach out for another clump of wet leaves, you think you can make it.
Then there's a sudden shift in weight, loss of friction, then you reach out for something, but there's nothing.
And then the fall, so quick you barely have time to scream.
And then all is dark and quiet.
Poor guy.
I thought he was retro.
Turned out that he was dead.
You have nothing to fear from Duane.
He was lonely in his life and in his death.
The story goes there was this woman from Charleston.
She was his great love, but she spurned him, a blow from which he never would recover.
Other guests have said it feels like he's just looking for a connection.
- That's a lot to absorb.
- I know.
It's some real goosebump shit.
So by the time he left, Leonard was not a happy Jewish camper.
Mm-hmm.
Chen? Do you feel that is an accurate recounting of events? I would like to say that I've never felt this uncomfortable in my life.
I understand that there's not a lot of psychotherapy in your culture.
Oh, no, there's tons.
When Chinese people aren't working 18-hour days for sub-poverty wages or living seven to a room, they can reliably be found on a therapist's couch.
It would be valuable to have your third party, objective assessment of what happened.
She pissed him off.
Okay, is is there some sort of olive branch that could be extended? You could send him some Da Chen Bao men's apparel.
His people don't buy it.
It's a huge marketing problem.
For years I've been trying to attract that demographic by signing a world-class Jewish athlete who enjoys wearing Chinese underwear.
You'd have an easier time finding the Ark of the Covenant.
What I want to know, Doc, is was I wrong? Were you wrong about this issue? That's above my pay grade, but were you wrong to express yourself angrily? I think you know how I feel about that.
I thought I was over the anger part.
When I took a shit on that grave, I thought I had closure, but I guess other things opened up.
Please, can I go? Do you know what the root cause of most anger is? - This? Sitting here? - She was talking to me.
A failure of empathy.
An inability to see things from the other person's point of view.
You wanted to do a "do," but you turned it into a "don't.
" So don't do a don't when I'm trying to do a do because the don'ts outweigh the dos.
Don'ts lay waste to dos, as a matter of fact.
I'm afraid that's all the time we have.
Great, thanks, bye.
Oh, my God, what a day I have had.
This woman, Mary Charles Calloway you know, the basketball player's sister she was incensed that I put my name up on the museum.
I mean, just unrelenting.
Did you say Mary Charles Calloway? Yeah, I think they call her M-Chuck.
I don't give a fuck what they call her.
She pulled my headset off of my head when I had the temerity to ask her about her felony.
[STAMMERS.]
What felony? Oh, she punched her fucking wuss of a brother in the face.
Whoa, "fucking wuss"? Wh why are you talking like this? Oh, they bring it out of me.
You are really wound up.
Well, yes, I'm wound up! It's Tuesday! Oh.
I'm supposed to be showered and you're supposed to be showered.
We're supposed to be in the bed, doing something other than talking.
I mean, I took a Viagra an hour ago.
- Why didn't you tell me? - Why didn't I tell you? You're supposed to know about these things! - It's Tuesday, for fuck's sake, Leonard! - [LEONARD CONTINUES STAMMERING.]
The reason that I am bringing this up, Savannah Couronis Moscowitz, is because you are my moral compass.
Mm, well, flattery is not foreplay.
No, no, no, just relax.
I'm just trying to have a conversation.
I'm trying to not have a conversation BOTH: Because it's Tuesday.
I know, I just need your point of view.
Was it wrong of me to put my name up there, because I have to tell you, she really found it offensive.
- Those are two different words.
- What are? "Wrong" and "offensive.
" They don't mean the same thing.
Something can be wrong and not be offensive, and some other things can be offensive and not be wrong.
But I'm talking about this one thing.
Well, this one thing happened to be both offensive and wrong.
Wait, how can it be offensive? I didn't mean it to be offensive.
Do you mean this conversation to be offensive? - No.
- BOTH: But it is.
Okay, but why didn't you tell me that? I'm not black.
I didn't know it was offensive until four minutes ago, and then when you told me and I heard it and I said, "Eh " So she was right about me being wrong? Is the answer in the question? It God damn it.
He ain't gonna be in the drawer.
How do I know what the fucking ghost rules are? Fair enough.
Are we crazy to stay here? To be honest, it's kind of exciting, like, we're actually in a ghost story.
That's like a childhood dream.
I don't know if I ever told you.
I don't know, you might have.
I haven't thought about basketball or even Donald Trump in almost 24 hours.
I thought about Donald Trump when I was having sex with you.
Oh, Jesus, no.
Please, you didn't.
I didn't.
I just think about you.
[CHUCKLES.]
You think Duane's watching us right now? Yo, Duane.
Show's starting.
So, what do you think? I think Chen is a billionaire for a reason.
[LAUGHS.]
I know, right? Uh, I should probably offer Cam a piece of my piece.
Right, because Cam's the one who's been working to get into the deal flow, and taking it in the neck at that poker game.
No, because when it comes to off-the-course stuff, we always deal each other in.
Look, if it's the amount of money you're worried about - It is not.
- Good.
Because half of it's coming from me.
I understand.
Half of our money is your money.
That's not what I mean.
I'm asking my parents to open the trust.
I don't need you to do that.
Nothing to do with you.
This deal is a winner, and I need me to do it.
Hmm.
Don't worry.
Half of our money is your money.
Your lady's flexible.
Mommy! (BOTH SCREAMING) He was standing right behind me! Shaving! Lining his shit up! This is so fucked up! Holy shit! Holy fucking shit! Hey, Duane, what do you want of us? [GIGGLES.]
What the fuck? Cam, this is my cousin Owen.
So great to meet you, man.
My cousin thinks the world of you.
- You ain't dead? - No, sir.
I work at the J.
Crew factory over in Pooler.
Do some acting on the side, though.
Dinner theater and whatnot.
Awhile back Allison called us, and she said, "My boyfriend needs to get out of his own head.
" Seems to have worked.
So you dreamed all this up? To the last detail.
She wrote all my lines.
Tell me about it.
She nearly killed me with your fucking backstory.
And plus, she wanted me to be slightly menacing, so I can't wait to shave and cut my hair.
That's Cousin Al.
She loves you.
She knows what you need.
She goes above and beyond.
You know, I did think something was a little screwy.
Uh, sure you did.
That's why you're standing here in the lobby in your underwear.
[CHUCKLES.]
You mad at me? Mmm.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- Hello? - LEONARD: M-Chuck? Yeah, this is Leonard Moscowitz.
I was eight years old in 1964, alone with my grandmother because my parents were in Mississippi when it was burning.
In '65, my parents were marching on Selma, with my Aunt Selma, which is why I built the museum and which is why I put my name on it in, yes, obnoxiously large letters that you can see from Earth's orbit.
[GRUNTS.]
- [CRASH.]
- [SIGHS.]
Because I wanted to say to everyone that the world is changing and all oppressed people, we'll stand together, we're not gonna take this shit anymore.
Now, see, that's some good shit.
You should put that on the building.
[THUD, CRASH.]
There goes the W.
I loved the W.
Thank you for taking your name off, Leonard.
I can see it hurts.
I'll live.
It's the right thing to do.
What I say doesn't matter nearly as much as what you hear.
You know, I never made it past the atrium.
Well, it turns out if you give $26.
4 million, they give you a set of keys.
Would you like a tour of your museum? - Very much.
- I think you're gonna like it.
You know, I think I'm gonna love it.
Except it's so dark in there.
How are we gonna see where we're going? You don't have to see the whole staircase.
- Just take the first step.
- Mm-hmm.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- God damn it.
Sorry.
I don't want to go home.
Me neither.
I could buy us this house if you want.
Right, and then your family could join us.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I do think we need a souvenir, though.
Okay.
They got a lot of jewelry stores in Savannah.
Well, maybe we can get necklaces, something to ward off spirits? We could.
Or we could look at rings.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la Now that you've found me There's nothing left to find La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la This love isn't melting Rolling sixes every time La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la This love isn't melting Rolling sixes every time La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
REGGIE: This is Tom Werner, Flaherty, Chen, Richard Freeman, I mean, if I want to run with those guys, there's no better way than playing cards.
MISSY: This is our money, yours and mine.
I have absolutely no control over my own financial life.
We did not have you educated for you to whine like this.
You want your own resources? Go out and gather them.
It's offensive, the sin of waste.
How about the sin of being an asshole? - Are you gonna do something? - Oh, I'll do something.
- The fuck up and - CASSIE: Oh, my God! Mary Charles, are you a monster? Come here, you smug piece of shit.
Let me get you a toothpick! He was charging me for coke! You have serious issues! THERAPIST: I'm glad that you've decided to start attending your therapy sessions, Mary Charles.
They have a much better chance of working when you're here.
Well, I want to feel better.
Also, it was either this or prison.
That pisses me off, but Well, tell me some of the things that piss you off.
Oh, we only have 50 minutes, right? CASSIE: How are you enjoying your private weekend away so far? - CAM: Ma, leave us alone.
- CASSIE: All right.
Call me later.
Hey, thanks for arranging everything.
I think you'll like this place.
I will if it clears my head, gets the basketball out, the worries about the world.
Gets you and me out from under my family for the first time since - Ever.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Mmm.
Okay.
I really like Road Trip Allison.
And we ain't even there yet.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
We getting there.
Good job on the advance tour, Chen.
I am so excited, I could shit.
I never understood this expression.
Why is shitting a desirable or even an acceptable reaction to a positive stimulus? I say this with all love, but if you ain't African-American you can't know how much this museum means.
I mean, the other Afrocentric museums in Atlanta could fit into the restroom of this one.
Again, a veiled shit reference.
Unintentional.
All I'm saying is there are other places one can go for one's metaphors, for fuck's sake.
Look, this museum is a statement, a declaration, the planting of a flag, the biggest, blackest museum in the biggest, blackest city in America.
My God, I can't believe I'm emotional.
"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum of African-American Life.
" He was the principal benefactor.
"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum of African-American Life?" He got us the advance tour.
Okay.
Is there any chance that Leonard Moscowitz is a black guy? Very small chance.
Very, very small.
I believe he's Jewish.
Could he be a black Jew like Lenny Kravitz or Whoopi Goldberg or Jesus? I only met him once, but I had the sense that he was not black.
This was based mostly on his whiteness.
Okay, so you're telling me that the name on the Museum of African-American Life is not an African-American name.
I'm not telling you that.
That gigantic sign is telling you that.
Un-fucking-believable.
Mary Charles, I don't understand.
Every time we plant a flag, it's gotta be under the white man's banner.
We gotta have permission.
We gotta have a supervisor.
I mean and for fuck, why would he use such big letters? Well, a good number of his people wear glasses.
I ain't worried about his people.
I'm worried about my people.
Well, maybe he didn't realize how black people would feel when they saw it.
Then somebody should've told him.
People are reluctant to criticize the rich and the powerful who tend to live in ivory towers.
How much of a fucking ivory tower do you gotta live in to not know that it might be in slightly poor taste to put the name "Leonard Moscowitz" on the Museum of African-American Life? That ain't an ivory tower, Chen.
That's an ivory bunker.
That's a fucking fortress of ivory.
I'm beginning to see that now.
Can you get me a meeting with this guy? You were so excited a minute ago.
Perhaps we can look past the sign, see the glass as half-full? I mean, if it matters, I'm still waiting for the Chinese-American museum.
Then go and build it.
You got the money for it in the ashtray of your car.
You can call it the Ziggy Berkowitz Museum - of Chinese-American Life.
- Okay, take it easy.
And anyway, it's way too many Chinese in America for a museum.
You'd overrun the place.
As of this morning there are 3.
8 million Chinese Americans.
Well, it feels like more.
You know, every time we talk about race, someone blows a gasket.
I long for the day when we are all one blended race and all of this shit yes, shit, I said it will go away.
Well, you and Ma just keep doing what you're doing.
Until then, I want a meeting.
I ain't setting foot in that place without it.
Can't.
This basement reminds me of the first time I was molested.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- CHEN: By a cartoon? Some of this stuff is from the previous owners.
The renovations are still in the the planning stages.
- Fuck you, Jimmy.
- [LAUGHTER.]
How many stairs did I have to take to get down here? What? Guys, it was Reggie's turn to host.
So tonight, we're slumming it.
Oh, well, thank you.
Before we begin, a toast to Chen for kissing us in on 6565 Peachtree, the sweetest commercial real estate flip in anybody's memory.
To Da Chen Bao, master of the deal flow.
- Hey, to Chen! - To Chen.
TOM: Thanks to you, in all my bathrooms, in all my homes, I'm installing those Japanese toilet seats that actually weigh you before and after.
Japanese take deceptively heavy shits.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, Reggie, let's play cards.
Or are we having a puppet show first? [LAUGHTER.]
I have the reservation right here.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Abdul-Jabbar.
That's your guest alias, to preserve privacy.
Mrs.
Abdul-Jabbar selected the Marshall suite, second floor, very best we have.
- And way to go, Allison.
- Sekinah.
- What's my name? - Weirdly, Nelson.
- Nelson Abdul-Jabbar? - That's correct.
You'll enjoy the antique furniture and the vintage fixtures and the free wi-fi.
Gosh, it's a stunning blend of old and new, and a big favorite on TripAdvisor.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sounds great.
Yeah, thanks for humoring me there.
They make me give that speech to all the new arrivals.
Oh, no problem.
I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other.
- I understand.
- We feel you.
Well, things haven't exactly worked out as planned for me.
I had a scholarship to study hotel management, Florida State.
And something got fucked up with my ACTs.
- Hey, you're doing great.
- Just keep your head up.
Yep.
Yeah, stay the course.
Fucking longest year of my life.
- Okay, well, we're gonna head upstairs now.
- Yeah.
Use the handrail.
Woman fell last week.
Horrible sound.
All right, we will, uh, use the handrail.
Thank you.
- Let's get the fuck out of this lobby.
- Mm-hmm.
Reggie, minus 22 Gs.
Oh, that's a setback for that basement renovation.
Richard, plus 26.
Thank you, Atlanta.
Jimmy, minus 166.
- Ooh! - Jesus.
I gotta either quit drinking or quit bluffing.
Please continue doing both.
You do have a tell, you know.
- What is it? - When you're bluffing, you do this.
- That's it! That's it! - I do not! Sometimes it's less pronounced.
All right, fuck all of you.
You'll be visited tomorrow by the usual cash mules.
Except for you, Reggie, obviously.
- Thanks for hosting.
- See you, Reg.
Enjoyed your third world basement.
Next game on the set of "Romper Room.
" - [LAUGHTER .]
- That's fu Uh oh.
The Peachtree Street deal? - It was Peachtree Road.
- Okay.
Just after Peachtree Battle Avenue and before Peachtree Hills.
Yeah, whatever fucking Peachtree it was, it must've been pretty sweet.
Delectable.
We got an easement.
Tripled the value.
Wow.
And why wasn't I in on it? - You? - Me.
I never thought about it.
You have neither expertise in commercial real estate nor quick access to capital.
I got money, Chen.
No, what you have is a healthy bank account.
The guys in the deal, they have money.
Which is why I needed to be in on it.
It starts with bringing something to the table.
[LAUGHS.]
How about the actual table? How about we work together? How about you see me getting bled in this game, just, you know, trying to cultivate relationships.
I didn't think I had to cultivate the one with you.
How about you're fucking my aunt, motherfucker? If anything, that would make me an auntfucker.
And actually, what Cassie and I do is not fucking.
It's making love.
So if you must, you can call me an aunt-love-maker-with.
Okay, Chen, that's enough.
I am always hesitant to invest the money of my friends.
The risk to the friendship is too great.
But you do it with those guys.
Because I don't give a fuck about those guys.
Those are friends of convenience, but you are like family.
In a fraternal sense, Reggie, I love you.
- I love you.
- Okay, just take it easy.
There's an old Chinese proverb.
"Lose a friend's money, and he will shove a water ox up your ass.
" I am a big boy.
It's my ox, it's my ass.
It's my risk.
Technically, the ass is mine.
- Chen.
- A minor point, I understand.
- I would like to leave.
- Please.
[BOTH MOANING.]
Oh, Cam! [MOANING .]
Oh, my Oh, baby.
[SQUELCHING.]
Aah! [LAUGHS.]
[BOTH MOAN.]
Oh, my gosh.
Oh.
Wow, I've never heard you come like that before.
Well, you never bit me before.
Hotels always bring the freak out of me.
- Mm-hmm.
- When we get home, we're moving to a hotel.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are you hungry? Hmm, for which? Food or the other? You cannot still be hungry for the other.
Hmm.
But room service will be quick! Gimme the Leonard Moscowitz, may I present Mary Charles Calloway? - Call me M-Chuck.
- Hi.
Uh, call me Leonard.
I am a big fan of your brother's.
- I think that he is the be - [PHONE RINGING.]
God damn it! He is the best thing to happen to this city since Hank Aaron.
Well, thank you, I'll pass that along.
And thank you also for this magnificent museum, Oh, come on.
which will mean so much to black people here in Atlanta, - and all over the country.
- Well, I was honored to do it.
But you didn't schlep all the way down here just to say thank you, and I like you already, so why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? Why'd you put your name on the front of the building? Because no one would see it on the back of the building.
Why do people have to see it? Because I want them to see it.
Which is perfectly natural, but which is also, to a black person, deeply, deeply offensive.
My name is offensive? In this context, yes, Leonard.
In another context, it's a perfectly lovely name, and fun to say! "Leonard Moscowitz.
" I enjoy that.
Leonard Moscowitz.
Yeah, it's good.
- Mm-hmm.
- But this museum is a testament to the 400-year struggle of African-Americans, and so the first thing we see shouldn't be quite so Moscowitz-y.
So it's okay to give the money, but I shouldn't be acknowledged.
No, you should be, with a lovely plaque, maybe.
And other things too, you know, like a dinner, for instance, for Man of the Year.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- You see God damn it.
Now, Miss Calloway, I donated $26.
4 million to this museum.
I ramrodded it through City Council.
- I got - None of that changes the principle.
I mean, think about it.
How would you feel if you went to the Holocaust Museum and over the door it said, "Brought to you by Tyler Perry"? I'd feel I went into the wrong business.
You'd be devastated.
You'd be just as injured as I am.
I wanted to make a statement.
That what, you're a great guy? No, that oppressed groups should stand together.
How are you an oppressed group? Somebody tell this guy he's white.
- You're white, Leonard.
- Yeah, well, I may be white, but I am also Jewish.
You just said, "I may be white, but I'm also white.
" Well, Jewish people aren't white the way other whites are white.
What fucking kind of white are they, then? My people have a long history of being oppressed by other whiter whites.
We were persecuted by the Russians, we were boiled by the Spanish, fricasseed by the Germans, frozen by the Soviets.
Your people came here for freedom.
My people were already free, but were kidnapped, and brought here and enslaved.
Today, your struggle is over.
Oh, right, apart from the death threats and desecrated cemeteries.
No cops are shooting your children.
Nobody's throwing your men in jail.
If you don't count insider trading.
- Chen, please.
- What? A little levity.
Our people were once slaves, too.
To what, fashion? To the Egyptians, who were, by the way, Africans, so in a sense, we used to work for you.
And in a sense, you make no sense.
See, now that's rude, and I take pains not to be rude to you.
Why are you allowed to be rude to me? Because the people on the bottom of the ladder don't gotta be as nice to the people on top as the people on top gotta be to the people on bottom.
You are not on the bottom.
Your brother is toast of the town.
As a people we are still oppressed.
But not by me! Look, compared to my people, I gotta say you're doing great.
You just had a black president.
We're still waiting for a Jewish one.
Entertainment business, you guys are hot.
The Jews, believe me, ice cold.
My grandchildren dress like you, they listen to hip-hop.
Now how many black 10-year-olds do you know who have swag yarmulkes and klezmer on their Spotify? Hmm? What did you say before Spotify? I'm just saying that neither one of us has the market cornered on umbrage.
Look, I am sorry about your people's troubles.
I am.
I didn't know about the Spanish barbeque thing.
It's fucked up.
But this museum is not yours.
It's ours.
So if you're gonna give it, give it, graciously.
And if you're gonna receive it, receive it graciously.
Okay.
What do you say we all go out for some potato latkes and collard greens? - Chen.
- Jesus.
Walking away.
Miss Calloway, I really don't know what to say to you.
How about "I'm sorry.
" - [SIGHS.]
- Or "I'm really sorry.
" Or maybe, "Somebody get a baseball bat, and knock my name off the front of the building.
" [SIGHS.]
Thank you very much for coming down.
Have a very nice rest of the day.
Bay Street Scramble, Mayme's Omelette, coffee, toast for two.
- Thank you, Duane.
- DUANE: Mm-hmm.
Hey, is there a a costume party or something going on downstairs? What? Oh, you talking about my threads.
No, brother, this is just how I dress.
My personal style.
I see you, Duane.
$20? Goddamn, son.
What do you do for a living? Gimme five! On the black hand side! Down low.
- Too slow! - Oh, man.
- Duane, you're a trip.
- $20? Listen here, baby girl.
For $20 you need anything, I mean anything, you just let me know.
Duane's your man, rain, hail, sleet or snow.
Will do.
Thank you, Duane.
He's a good dude.
I almost gave him another $20 to get the fuck out.
He was sweet.
Forgot the hot sauce, though.
[PHONE RINGING.]
How can I help you, Mr.
Abdul-Jabbar? Uh, Duane just brought up room service, but unfortunately left off the hot sauce.
- Could you send up a bottle? - I'm sorry.
Uh, who did you say delivered your food? - Duane.
- Can you describe him? Mustache, afro, kind of retro-looking.
Had a pack of Newports in his chest pocket.
Well, hmm.
It's been a while since we've seen him.
What does that mean? JARED: Duane died in 1978.
What? Ah! Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Boy, when they say same day delivery, they are not just whistling Dixie.
I wish I knew what that meant.
Oh, Chen, thank you so much for including me on this one.
I'm not deaf to your requests, especially when you make them over and over again in a profanity-laced tirade.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry about that, man.
You know, I'm just trying to do what's best for my family.
Read the prospectus.
I will need a wire by the 23rd.
Copy that.
Reggie.
As I say to Cassie before every sexual encounter, past performance does not guarantee future success.
I live my life without guarantees.
They say he fell off a roof 39 years ago in the spring while cleaning out the leaders and gutters.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's a deceptively dangerous job.
You reach out for another clump of wet leaves, you think you can make it.
Then there's a sudden shift in weight, loss of friction, then you reach out for something, but there's nothing.
And then the fall, so quick you barely have time to scream.
And then all is dark and quiet.
Poor guy.
I thought he was retro.
Turned out that he was dead.
You have nothing to fear from Duane.
He was lonely in his life and in his death.
The story goes there was this woman from Charleston.
She was his great love, but she spurned him, a blow from which he never would recover.
Other guests have said it feels like he's just looking for a connection.
- That's a lot to absorb.
- I know.
It's some real goosebump shit.
So by the time he left, Leonard was not a happy Jewish camper.
Mm-hmm.
Chen? Do you feel that is an accurate recounting of events? I would like to say that I've never felt this uncomfortable in my life.
I understand that there's not a lot of psychotherapy in your culture.
Oh, no, there's tons.
When Chinese people aren't working 18-hour days for sub-poverty wages or living seven to a room, they can reliably be found on a therapist's couch.
It would be valuable to have your third party, objective assessment of what happened.
She pissed him off.
Okay, is is there some sort of olive branch that could be extended? You could send him some Da Chen Bao men's apparel.
His people don't buy it.
It's a huge marketing problem.
For years I've been trying to attract that demographic by signing a world-class Jewish athlete who enjoys wearing Chinese underwear.
You'd have an easier time finding the Ark of the Covenant.
What I want to know, Doc, is was I wrong? Were you wrong about this issue? That's above my pay grade, but were you wrong to express yourself angrily? I think you know how I feel about that.
I thought I was over the anger part.
When I took a shit on that grave, I thought I had closure, but I guess other things opened up.
Please, can I go? Do you know what the root cause of most anger is? - This? Sitting here? - She was talking to me.
A failure of empathy.
An inability to see things from the other person's point of view.
You wanted to do a "do," but you turned it into a "don't.
" So don't do a don't when I'm trying to do a do because the don'ts outweigh the dos.
Don'ts lay waste to dos, as a matter of fact.
I'm afraid that's all the time we have.
Great, thanks, bye.
Oh, my God, what a day I have had.
This woman, Mary Charles Calloway you know, the basketball player's sister she was incensed that I put my name up on the museum.
I mean, just unrelenting.
Did you say Mary Charles Calloway? Yeah, I think they call her M-Chuck.
I don't give a fuck what they call her.
She pulled my headset off of my head when I had the temerity to ask her about her felony.
[STAMMERS.]
What felony? Oh, she punched her fucking wuss of a brother in the face.
Whoa, "fucking wuss"? Wh why are you talking like this? Oh, they bring it out of me.
You are really wound up.
Well, yes, I'm wound up! It's Tuesday! Oh.
I'm supposed to be showered and you're supposed to be showered.
We're supposed to be in the bed, doing something other than talking.
I mean, I took a Viagra an hour ago.
- Why didn't you tell me? - Why didn't I tell you? You're supposed to know about these things! - It's Tuesday, for fuck's sake, Leonard! - [LEONARD CONTINUES STAMMERING.]
The reason that I am bringing this up, Savannah Couronis Moscowitz, is because you are my moral compass.
Mm, well, flattery is not foreplay.
No, no, no, just relax.
I'm just trying to have a conversation.
I'm trying to not have a conversation BOTH: Because it's Tuesday.
I know, I just need your point of view.
Was it wrong of me to put my name up there, because I have to tell you, she really found it offensive.
- Those are two different words.
- What are? "Wrong" and "offensive.
" They don't mean the same thing.
Something can be wrong and not be offensive, and some other things can be offensive and not be wrong.
But I'm talking about this one thing.
Well, this one thing happened to be both offensive and wrong.
Wait, how can it be offensive? I didn't mean it to be offensive.
Do you mean this conversation to be offensive? - No.
- BOTH: But it is.
Okay, but why didn't you tell me that? I'm not black.
I didn't know it was offensive until four minutes ago, and then when you told me and I heard it and I said, "Eh " So she was right about me being wrong? Is the answer in the question? It God damn it.
He ain't gonna be in the drawer.
How do I know what the fucking ghost rules are? Fair enough.
Are we crazy to stay here? To be honest, it's kind of exciting, like, we're actually in a ghost story.
That's like a childhood dream.
I don't know if I ever told you.
I don't know, you might have.
I haven't thought about basketball or even Donald Trump in almost 24 hours.
I thought about Donald Trump when I was having sex with you.
Oh, Jesus, no.
Please, you didn't.
I didn't.
I just think about you.
[CHUCKLES.]
You think Duane's watching us right now? Yo, Duane.
Show's starting.
So, what do you think? I think Chen is a billionaire for a reason.
[LAUGHS.]
I know, right? Uh, I should probably offer Cam a piece of my piece.
Right, because Cam's the one who's been working to get into the deal flow, and taking it in the neck at that poker game.
No, because when it comes to off-the-course stuff, we always deal each other in.
Look, if it's the amount of money you're worried about - It is not.
- Good.
Because half of it's coming from me.
I understand.
Half of our money is your money.
That's not what I mean.
I'm asking my parents to open the trust.
I don't need you to do that.
Nothing to do with you.
This deal is a winner, and I need me to do it.
Hmm.
Don't worry.
Half of our money is your money.
Your lady's flexible.
Mommy! (BOTH SCREAMING) He was standing right behind me! Shaving! Lining his shit up! This is so fucked up! Holy shit! Holy fucking shit! Hey, Duane, what do you want of us? [GIGGLES.]
What the fuck? Cam, this is my cousin Owen.
So great to meet you, man.
My cousin thinks the world of you.
- You ain't dead? - No, sir.
I work at the J.
Crew factory over in Pooler.
Do some acting on the side, though.
Dinner theater and whatnot.
Awhile back Allison called us, and she said, "My boyfriend needs to get out of his own head.
" Seems to have worked.
So you dreamed all this up? To the last detail.
She wrote all my lines.
Tell me about it.
She nearly killed me with your fucking backstory.
And plus, she wanted me to be slightly menacing, so I can't wait to shave and cut my hair.
That's Cousin Al.
She loves you.
She knows what you need.
She goes above and beyond.
You know, I did think something was a little screwy.
Uh, sure you did.
That's why you're standing here in the lobby in your underwear.
[CHUCKLES.]
You mad at me? Mmm.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
[PHONE RINGING.]
- Hello? - LEONARD: M-Chuck? Yeah, this is Leonard Moscowitz.
I was eight years old in 1964, alone with my grandmother because my parents were in Mississippi when it was burning.
In '65, my parents were marching on Selma, with my Aunt Selma, which is why I built the museum and which is why I put my name on it in, yes, obnoxiously large letters that you can see from Earth's orbit.
[GRUNTS.]
- [CRASH.]
- [SIGHS.]
Because I wanted to say to everyone that the world is changing and all oppressed people, we'll stand together, we're not gonna take this shit anymore.
Now, see, that's some good shit.
You should put that on the building.
[THUD, CRASH.]
There goes the W.
I loved the W.
Thank you for taking your name off, Leonard.
I can see it hurts.
I'll live.
It's the right thing to do.
What I say doesn't matter nearly as much as what you hear.
You know, I never made it past the atrium.
Well, it turns out if you give $26.
4 million, they give you a set of keys.
Would you like a tour of your museum? - Very much.
- I think you're gonna like it.
You know, I think I'm gonna love it.
Except it's so dark in there.
How are we gonna see where we're going? You don't have to see the whole staircase.
- Just take the first step.
- Mm-hmm.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- God damn it.
Sorry.
I don't want to go home.
Me neither.
I could buy us this house if you want.
Right, and then your family could join us.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I do think we need a souvenir, though.
Okay.
They got a lot of jewelry stores in Savannah.
Well, maybe we can get necklaces, something to ward off spirits? We could.
Or we could look at rings.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la Now that you've found me There's nothing left to find La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la This love isn't melting Rolling sixes every time La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la This love isn't melting Rolling sixes every time La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la