The Boondocks s04e07 Episode Script

Huey: Ever since granddad sold his soul to Eddie Wuncler, he's spent most of his days sitting on the couch watching TV.
What was once a productive senior citizen was now reduced to a couch potato.
Granddad: [Yawns.]
Well, if you got to be broke, at least there's TV to make it better.
What's on, Riley? Riley: Man, all these channels, and there ain't nothing on.
Wait there's "The Rickey Smiley Show.
" Granddad: Nope.
Let's extrapolate that there - Red - Bitch! Granddad: What's that? Riley: "Basketball Wives.
" Even though ain't none of them really wives except Malaysia.
Should just call it "Basketball Jumpoffs.
" Granddad: Ooooh.
Oh, man, look at them go! All that butt and weave and sweat.
How come I've never seen this before? Huey: Is this how you're gonna go out, granddad? Eating junk food and watching junk TV? Riley: Pretty much.
I mean, wasn't like he was gonna be in the NBA.
So if he happy lookin' at hoes he can't bag, leave him be.
Granddad: Look at the breasts The butts whoo! Granddad and Riley: Hey! Huey: Can't you see this is what the 1% wants? For us to become slackers that zone out on TV and eat cheap food? Riley: What you got against cheap food? Cheap food tastes good, and it's cheap.
Huey: Yeah, and it'll kill you.
Riley: Until they make a salad that tastes like ribs, I'ma do me.
Huey: Can't you see, granddad? They dull our minds with poisonous food and mindless TV, then while we're fat and sick, they're getting rich.
Riley: Who is "they"? I don't see nobody but you, nigga.
Huey: The wealthy ruling class in America.
[Doorbell rings.]
- Riley: Hey! - Huey: Who is that? Riley: Pizza guy.
Huey: Wrong address.
Granddad and Riley: [Groan.]
Riley: Nigga, I'm hungry.
Granddad: Yeah! That was a "Two For Tuesday" special.
Two pizzas with cheesy crust and cheesy box for $2.
[Doorbell rings.]
Riley: Aw, yeah! He's back! - Huey: No! - Riley: I want my cheese! Huey: No, you need to be playing outside.
[Knock on door.]
Granddad: Huey, I don't care what you say.
I'm gonna eat my pizza and watch my "Basketball Wives" and scratch! [Groans.]
Ruckus: Mm.
Ah, hello, Robert.
A nice white delivery man gave me a pizza for a dollar.
Probably got scared once he learned niggas live around here and didn't want to die senselessly.
Granddad: What do you want, Ruckus? Nobody got time for your foolishness.
Ruckus: Mr.
Wuncler the Second sent me over here.
Said he wants to see you in his office immediately.
- Huey: What's Eddie want with us now? - Riley: Sucker! Ruckus: Oh, there you niggas go with that, "oh, what he want now? What he want now?" Lucky the white man want to talk to you broke niggas at all.
White man brings you nothing but opportunity.
You should want to talk to him 24 hours a day.
Granddad: Well, you can go tell junior if he wants to talk to us, he can bring his ass over here just like you did.
Ruckus: Well, ain't that the pot calling the nigga black.
I guess you forgot Mr.
Wuncler owns your asses.
Which is akin to owning the air in a balloon 'cause you niggas ain't worth shit.
Granddad: I ain't going nowhere.
Ruckus: Well, Robert, as much as it pains me to do this Aah! Ow! Nig ga! Granddad: Now, where was I? Huey: You know, it's only a matter of time before you have to see Eddie.
Granddad: Boy, please.
I'm my own man.
I don't move until I'm ready.
Thank you, fellas, for waiting till I was ready.
Riley: This is some bullshit.
How they just gonna come up into our house and make us do what we don't want to do? Robert [Bleep.]
Freeman.
Granddad: Eddie, what the hell do you call yourself rushing up in my house and forcing me to come here? I don't want y'all laying around the house getting chunky and whatnot, so I figured a job in the fresh air would do you gentlemen good.
Huey: You figured out another way to use us to make money.
Yep.
Smart kid.
I opened a living-history theme park.
Riley: Boring.
Brings the 19th century to life.
Huey: You're forcing black people to re-enact the most painful period in our history? But with cotton candy and a merry-go-round! And come on, Huey, not just black people.
I'm progressive enough to force all races to re-enact your painful history if they owe me money.
Even Jews! Isn't it wonderful? Yowza! Yowza! Come one, come all! Welcome to freedomland! [Laughing.]
Oh, mammy! Granddad: What kind of job is this? We're dressed like slaves! Huey: We are slaves, granddad.
Riley: This is some bullshit! My feet hurt! One of y'all take me home right now! Tom: I think it's great! All this fresh air and sunshine, and who needs shoes?! My toes like to be free.
Granddad: Why are you here anyway? Tom: Well, I heard there were positions open in Freedomland, and I'm sort of a history buff, if I may say so myself.
So I applied! Riley: Who applies to be a slave? Oh, man, my feet hurt so bad.
Tom: Oh, toughen up, Riley.
This is a great opportunity to go back to a noble time for black Americans when we overcame obstacles and struggled to be the free, fully realized human beings we are.
God bless America! Huey: Yeah.
We need to burn this place down.
[Whip cracks.]
Ruckus: You've got that right, Tom.
God bless America.
[Clears throat.]
Welcome to freedomland, you lazy bastards.
This here is your orientation.
Huey: Ruckus, are you trying to tell us that we're supposed to act like slaves and be cool with it? Really? Ruckus: That is correct.
Here you will learn to look down when a rich white man is coming, buck dance if you hear anything resembling a tune, and denounce any feelings that resemble self-esteem and/or self-worth.
Huey: Not on your life, Ruckus.
Riley: Yeah, we ain't going for this shit.
First rich white man I see, I'm telling him to suck Ruckus: [Grunts.]
Riley: I ain't saying shit.
You can call me Toby, Obama, Cleveland Ruckus: [Laughs.]
That's right, nigga.
That is right.
Now, there will be a short boot camp to make sure you niggas are limber and don't have a massive heart attack which will make our rich patrons feel bad for not voting for universal healthcare.
Granddad: Ruckus, you must be out of your damn mind! Aah! Ruckus: Boy, the sound of that whip sure is sweet.
It's like Jesus gently snapping his fingers.
Now, Robert and Tom, you have good white-man names, so we will leave your names be.
But you two little niggas, oh, you have aggressive names and as such, they will be changed! Huey, you are now "Nigga One" or "One" for short.
Riley, your name is "Nigga Two" or "Two" for short.
Two, tote that bale of hay to my horse, who I have affectionately named "Nigger.
" Even though he is white, he has wide nostrils.
Riley: Old nigger gonna die today 'cause he ain't gettin' Jack.
Tom: Ruckus, this is inhumane! Ruckus: Who the hell said that niggas was human in the first place? One, get nigger some carrots! Uh-oh.
One, is you defying me, boy? Granddad: Huey, you better listen to this fool before he hits you with that whip.
Huey: Granddad, I'm nobody's property, and neither are you.
Ruckus: Don't you remember when he signed his freedom away to Mr.
Eddie? Shoot, you niggas should be grateful you not working at sub-saharan food bank land.
Tom! Tom: Yes, Ruckus? Ruckus: From now on, my name is not Ruckus.
It is boss! - [Grunts.]
- Tom: [Screams.]
Ruckus: You tough, huh? Well, we got ways of dealing with your type.
Huey: In modern America, who would believe people would want to be entertained by slaves? On your marks, get set kick! Huey: But we were all under Eddie's thumb.
Faced with the threat of losing everything, people will do things they aren't proud of.
[Violin music plays.]
Granddad: Welcome to Freedomland! We be a happy clan! Singing and dancing the day away! Ruckus: Hey, rich, mostly white chillin, make some noise if your nanny speaks Spanish! [Audience cheers.]
Oh, I can't hear you.
[Audience cheers loudly.]
I hope everybody enjoyed the "Welfare Queen For A Day" exhibit.
And we got real meth-and-crack-addicted kids at the gift shop.
Use them as your servants.
We don't give a [Bleep.]
.
See the concierge on your way out.
Well, old Uncle Ruckus here has a special surprise for you.
Today, we are debuting a special interactive game! [Audience cheers.]
Does everybody enjoy waterboarding? [Audience cheers.]
I know it's not 19th century, but it's just so much fun.
Huey: In order to keep ruckus' whip off my grandad's back, even I was forced to cooperate.
It was a very long day.
Ruckus: Pay no attention to the balloon.
It won't inflate.
That's just to give the game a sense of fun.
Now, if you will all reach under your chairs, you'll find water cannons.
- Got it! - Aw, yeah! Both: Huh? Ruckus: Ready, aim, shoot! Huey: [Coughing.]
Granddad: That's enough! Our slave shift is over! If you kids don't put those guns down, I'm gonna whip your rich and narrow behinds! Huey: [Sighs.]
Granddad: Huey, you all right? Huey: I won't do this again.
Granddad: You're not gonna have to.
Let's go home.
Riley: Why you not carrying me, granddad? My feet still hurt.
Granddad: Hush up! Granddad and Tom: Huh? Ruckus: Where you niggas think y'all going? Granddad: We goin' home, Ruckus.
The park is closed.
Ruckus: Home? You niggas don't get it, do ya? This is your home.
[Laughs.]
Oh, no, seriously, you niggas live here now.
Huey: In retrospect, none of us should have been surprised.
For decades, people allowed the middle class to wither and die.
Ruckus: Yes.
Welcome home, niggas.
Granddad: Ruckus, this is insane! You can't keep us here! Ruckus: Well, looks to me like I can do whatever I want to, slave.
Oh, "slave.
" Mm, that tastes good in my mouth.
What a joyous feeling it is just to say that word.
It's like saying "love" or "reaganomics.
" Tom: People don't actually live here, do they? Ruckus: People? No.
Wuncler's slaves, yes.
Oh, it's not as bad as, say, them slave castles in Senegal.
This is more like an NFL training camp.
See them slaves over there? Oh, look at they forearms and legs just gettin' strong! Yes, this is good for the body and the soul.
Tom: Uh how can that be good? Ruckus: Well, that cotton is organic.
[Harmonica music plays.]
Riley: What the hell? Ruckus: Oh, the massa loves tap dancing.
He says the tippity-tap of nigga feets is so meditative.
Tom: Ruckus, I hate to break my amusement-park character and this fantasy space-time continuum, but there are documents called "The Constitution" and "The Emancipation Proclamation," and they specifically forbid keeping us here against our will.
Ruckus: Yeah, you may have a point there, Tom.
I could let you go Or Tom: [Grunts.]
Huey: The only way we gonna get our freedom is to take it.
Riley: How we supposed to do that? Huey: By any means necessary.
Riley: I ain't trying to die.
Huey: Well, this isn't exactly living, is it? Remember this when you get home and you want to watch TV and eat junk food and let the machine make all your decisions.
Riley: Damn, ain't I punished enough? First I got to be a slave, now you sayin' it's my fault.
Tom: This is all your fault, Freemans! I pay my mortgage on time! I earned my freedom! Granddad: Tom, stop griping.
You got connections on the outside.
You can call one of your legal friends and get your ass out! Tom: Call?! Did you say "call?!" Oh, I'm sorry! In case you didn't notice, massa didn't provide me with a phone! [Sighs.]
Sorry.
What I meant was we're in this together.
I won't be free until we're all free! Ruckus: Tom, Sarah bought your freedom.
You can go.
Tom: Well, guys, it's been real.
Granddad: [Sobs.]
Ruckus, you've done some stupid shit, but come on, this is insane! We are friends! Ruckus: "Friends"? Ain't no friends when it comes to slavery real or make believe.
Now, since I was cursed with revitiligo and born in the 20th century, I never got my chance to experience the beauty and magical nature known as slavery.
Finally, I get my chance to show massa I'm not like them field niggas.
I got his back! Oh, oh, oh, and don't get no crazy ideas about writing letters to Abraham Lincoln looking for help.
Any slave I catch reading or writing will be shot immediately! Good night.
No, I'm serious, I will shoot you.
Pray to your new true God, white Jesus.
That'll make it all better.
Okay, sleep tight.
Riley: Damn.
Huey, I'm ready to bust up out of here, man.
I know you got a plan.
You always got a plan.
Please tell me you got a plan.
Huey: I do, but it won't be easy.
We may not make it out alive, but if a man doesn't have something worth dying for, what's the point of living? Riley: Hold up.
Your plan ends with us living, right? - Huey: Yeah.
- Riley: Good, 'cause I was about to tell you that you on your own if it didn't.
What's the plan? Huey: It was going to be risky.
People who had trusted the system to have their best interest were now forced to rely on their own wits and courage.
[Cries.]
I'm scared! Huey: Shh! Riley: Yeah, we already slaves.
Don't be a bitch, too.
Granddad: Man, I told you this was a bad idea.
Huey: Every gain in U.
S.
history has been because oppressed people weren't afraid to fight.
If we don't fight, we're saying it's okay for them to own everything - I heard that! - Huey: Our self worth, our minds, and I'm not giving up my freedom to anybody for any price.
Riley: Me neither! That's what's up.
Yeah, come on, guys! That annoying kid has a point.
Let's revolt this bitch! [All cheer.]
Granddad: I agree! Greetings, shareholders.
Freedomland hath paid handsome dividends.
I gathered you together as it would give me great umbrage if any fellows objected to us thusly branching out.
Can you [Bleep.]
not talk like that? I'm with Jim.
It makes the meetings go long, and my Tyler's got soccer tonight.
[Groans.]
Let's expand this Freedomland thing.
It's a damn cash cow! [Applause.]
But we have some minor obstacles.
Word's come down there are some staffer slaves who don't see the fun in Freedomland.
Murder 'em! Eh, remember we tried that at the Indian section.
That's why we had to go to court and build that damn "Trail Of Tears" casino.
He's right.
We don't need litigation.
We need something that makes us look good, entertains the masses, and keeps them working.
Sounds like you're talking pre-emptive settlement.
Exactly.
Hmm, let's see how 'bout, uh A month's supply of overly branded clothing? Huey: No.
- Your pick of our obese women? - Huey: No.
Work with me here.
Come on.
I'm trying to come to an honest agreement for all your people's hard work.
Okay.
40 acres and a mule? Come on, now.
Huey: You and I both know we'll never see it.
Ruckus: Mr.
wuncler, sir, now, I know you simply wanted me to bring him here to this meeting, but just whistle, and I will be on him like white on rice! - Huey: Not for long.
- Defiant.
I likes.
But perhaps your ill feelings are misplaced, little angry afro boy? Your grandfather? All these other folks? Already slaves in debt to me before they became slaves here.
I'm just trying to help.
And hey, your scowl not helping.
Huey: How can you live with yourself? How much money does it take for someone to lose their conscience? No guilt, no shame.
Just greed.
Damn.
You're a downer.
You should try transcendental meditation or Anyway, look, stop being all "freedom fighter" and I'll give your grandfather a nice cushy job.
You know, one where he has no real power, but your people are happy because he has a nice office and gets CNN sound bites.
Huey: I'm gonna have to pass.
What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet lose his soul? Ruckus! Ruckus: How dare you go darkening Mr.
wuncler's thoughts with your nigga logic! Aw, shit.
Ruckus: Uh, did you want the door open? All: Mm-hmm.
Lord, lord Mm-hmm Hey, why we clapping? Somebody ever gonna talk? It's gettin' cold.
Hey, what movie this remind you of? Granddad: If I may die by the rifle or the musket, I want everybody to know it was sweet Jesus I was doing it for! Uh-huh.
Praise God! Tell it, brother! Yeah! Riley: Well, I really don't know none of y'all, and since most of y'all haven't washed, you smell like ass.
That is true.
I smell assy.
The aroma of ass, if you will.
Riley: But I guess all I really want to say is This shit is [Bleep.]
up, and I'm ready to do this! - Yeah! - Yeah! Aw, yeah, little man! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ruckus: Step right up.
Step right up and take your chance to break the angry nigger that cannot be broken! [Audience cheers.]
Okay, okay.
Simmer down.
Simmer down.
There'll be enough for everybody.
This nigga ain't givin' in.
So it's another step up the humiliation ladder Tar and feathering! [Audience gasps.]
Hold it.
I got a better idea.
Let me have him.
The folks here want historical accuracy.
I'm gonna give it to them.
[Audience gasps.]
Ruckus: [Laughs.]
Oh, that is good.
Cut off that slave's foot and he ain't goin' nowhere.
Mr.
wuncler, you is pure genius.
[Grunts.]
[Audience gasps.]
[Groans.]
Granddad: Out of my way, punk.
[Whistles.]
[Groans.]
Huh? [Distant shouting.]
Ruckus: Huh? The lower class! The lower class are here! Granddad: I've done my part! Yeah, boy! [Shouting continues.]
Uhhh - Get back! - Get back where you belong! Riley: [Grunts.]
All right, we got you now.
Ruckus: Mr.
Wuncler, this is worse than "The Planet Of The Apes.
" Get me out of here, Ruckus.
Ruckus: Watch your step, Mr.
Wuncler.
Watch your step! There you go.
There you go.
Gentle, baby steps.
Huey: For the moment, the little guy won.
But for how long? How long before those at the top figure out another way to try to make a buck off of those at the bottom? Or maybe, just maybe those at the bottom will realize that some of the people they trust may not have their best interests at heart.
Granddad: Hey, how 'bout my whistle? Huey: You did great, granddad.
Granddad: Okay, boys, let's go home.
Ruckus: Boy, you niggas just don't know a good thing when you see it.
Here Mr.
Wuncler, out of the goodness of his heart was gonna give you free housing, food, a job everything a nigga could want.
Tell me, you ungrateful bastard, what could ever be greater than Freedomland? Huey: Freedom.