The Kardashians (2022) s04e07 Episode Script

1
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
KIM KARDASHIAN:
Previously on The Kardashians.
So, my intentions for the year,
can I tell you what they are?
- KRIS JENNER: Please.
- KIM: My goal is to just
slow down, work-wise a little bit.
- I'm gonna take Saint on a soccer tour.
- Fun.
- KIM: Soccer moms unite!
- ALLISON STATTER: One, two, three, woo!
We're going back to Milan,
and Milan is our thing!
I think my one thing
that I really wish for Khloé
is that she would experience
life outside of Calabasas.
KRIS: You and Tristan do spend
a lot of time together.
Big guy's sleepin'.
What happens if he moves on?
One of my frustrations with you is
there's not a lot of follow-through,
and this is me talking
to you as my manager.
- I don't wanna put salt on a wound.
- Right, but who cares about
- my wounds?
- I want your wounds to be taken care of.
- But how are you doing so?
- But right now, let's just
You're just somewhere else.
You're spiraling.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Comin' out on top ♪
Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it ♪
And the beat don't stop ♪
Go do it, go do it, go do it ♪
- Comin' out on top ♪
- SPEAKER: So cute.
- Welcome in. Just head over to the left.
- GUEST: Thank you.
ASSISTANT: Hi, guys. Welcome.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Hi, ladies. Thank you for coming.
- (GUESTS GREETING KRIS)
GUESTS: Thank you for having us.
Tonight's the big Safely dinner
over at Emma Grede's house.
We've invited some of our
friends to help celebrate
and I'm just really proud
of what we've created.
To have the success
that we're experiencing is so amazing.
How's the baby?
Getting so big, so tall. Long legs.
- KRIS: Tall?
- Mm-hm.
Okay, so wait, how old is he now?
Almost four months.
KATHY HILTON: But he's so cute.
This is gorgeous. Look at that.
Thank you.
I'm waiting for Khloé
and then I think we can sit down.
- KATHY: Perfect.
- Slay.
- Khloé's mad at me because
- Why?
I haven't been paying
enough attention to her,
so I'm gonna pay attention to her tonight.
- Extra special.
- Yeah.
She thinks I can be in
four places at the same time.
I've invited Khloé to come,
but I'm not so sure she's gonna show up
after how our last conversation went.
KHLOÉ KARDASHIAN: When you wanna take on
multiple clients,
you have to fulfill their
multiple and different needs.
You don't give enough to each one
'cause you physically can't.
It's very difficult for me to be
in two places at the same time.
We put a Band-Aid over a bullet hole.
- No, you misunderstood.
- I'm not doing it.
I wish there were five of me,
- so I could be at everything.
- KRIS: Right? Yes.
- Clones.
- And I said that
- I bet you feel that way.
- Do you feel that way?
- You feel that way.
- Yes. That's why I'm extending
my likeness into the metaverse,
and building avatars and holograms
- Holograms.
- PARIS HILTON: Yes.
You know, everyone expects
more hours out of me
and I just don't have it in me.
But I like making myself
into an avatar or a hologram.
Or Very smart, Paris.
Genius. Like, hello?!
Of course, the world
needs more Kris Jenners.
Why didn't I think of this?
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- EMMA GREDE: Oh, hello!
- Is that Koko?
- PARIS: It was so much fun.
- Aw. Is she here?
- EMMA: You look beautiful. Are you good?
- KHLOÉ: You look beautiful. Yes.
EMMA: So, so good.
I'm so happy that you're here.
Koko!
KRIS: Khloé!
- Hi!
- KATHY: Hi, gorgeous girl.
Yay! Oh, my God. She showed up.
- KATHY: She misses you.
- Hi. Mwah!
Yeah, why not?
Things haven't been resolved
with me and my mom,
but I'm here to support her.
I mean, we're in a short-term fight,
but she's forever my mom
and I'm forever gonna support her,
so I can put our differences
aside to be here today
for something positive and amazing
that she has going on in her life.
I mean, we're gonna resolve our fight.
It's just a matter of time. (LAUGHS)
KRIS: You look so pretty.
- We were waiting for you to get here.
- (CROSSTALK)
I'm so happy that
Yeah, happy.
Very, very happy.
She made her mom very happy.
Thank you, Khloé.
- How've you been? Babies?
- I'm good. Oh, my gosh.
I'm good. Two is wild.
Why didn't you tell any of us? (CHUCKLES)
Hey, tryin' to get two
into a taxi in New York.
- No. No.
- By yourself.
- I would've left them
- That's what I used to do.
on the side of the road.
We used to have the checker cabs.
I remember. I mean,
I was with you guys
a little bit at the Waldorf
- when we were, like, 12 and 13
- Right.
- and, and being very naughty.
- It was fun, wasn't it?
I don't think you'd wanna know
exactly what we were doing half the time.
- Exactly, exactly.
- (LAUGHTER)
Will somebody please tell
Khloé it's time to sit down?
Khloé, come sit here, honey.
We're trying to start.
Oh, God, why? She's announcing it?
Hi, everyone.
- Where am I sitting? Oh, my gosh.
- You're right there.
I just I'm getting yelled at.
EMMA: We're gonna keep this
very short and sweet.
Each and every one of you
has supported something that we've done.
I hope we can always return the favor,
but there's nothing better
than getting together
with these like-minded women
who have all built your own brands.
I'm so proud to call you
my family and my friends
and get emotional, but anyway,
I'm happy to be here.
- I'm happy that you're here. Thank you.
- KHLOÉ: Thank you.
- Aw. Thank you everyone for coming.
- I love you. And Cici.
- KRIS: Thank you.
- EMMA: We're gonna eat and drink.
(GUESTS CHATTERING)
Well, I hate when you're cranky
with me because I can't sleep at night.
- I literally get really upset.
- I'm sure you slept perfectly.
No, I don't.
But I am glad that you came today
'cause I didn't know if you
were gonna show up or not.
Mom, of course. I don't care what we're
going through.
- I'm still gonna do what's morally right.
- I know.
Well, it's not even
that it's morally right.
- It's just you're supporting me.
- I just want you to remember Yeah.
I want you to look around and see that not
any of your other kids are here, but I am.
And the one that you mistreat the most.
Mistreat? Oh, we're not
starting that again.
KHLOÉ: Obviously, this dinner does not
fix what me and my mom are going through
and we definitely need to talk things out
because I don't wanna have
this animosity towards her
and I don't want us to be
at this place with one another.
I just wanted to tell you
I noticed, I'm grateful,
I appreciate you,
and I love you very much.
Well, thank you. I love you, too.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh ♪
Ready to run and I know we'll overcome ♪
Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh ♪
KIM: What? Where you going?
- Oh, did you just step out of the '90s?
- You look cute.
- Oh, my God, how old are you?
- CHRIS APPLETON: Wow.
- You look like a teenager.
- NORTH WEST: Okay, bye.
- Wait, wait, wait. Come here.
- Wow.
- Girl.
- Bye-bye.
I love you.
KIM: Mm.
CHRIS: Pimple patch?
Oh, I need a pimple patch. Uh rude.
You know, I've been used to this
kind of honesty my whole life.
Sometimes I just want people
to lie to me and just be nice.
NORTH: (GIGGLES) Bye.
- CHRIS: Bye.
- Bye, I love you.
So, tell me about You went skiing,
you've been all over the place.
- Does he ski?
- He's a snowboarder.
- (GASPS) Ugh, he just lost a few points.
- But he can ski as well.
Chris Appleton has been
doing my hair for a really long time.
He's like my hair husband,
and he just got engaged
to Lukas, his boyfriend.
I have never really seen
Chris this smitten and happy.
It's just, like, a whole
different situation for him.
- Really? I feel like he's the cool kid.
- I like old-school
- graceful skiers. Just seems so, like
- Kim we're old, babe.
- (LAUGHTER)
- We're old. I think it's all about
the snowboarding these days.
What? Do you know?
Yeah, I remember
the exact moment I met you.
It was, it was maybe six years ago
that you were in Bel Air,
and I remember you walked in
- Oh, 'cause
- and you were like, "Hi,"
in that, like, nice voice you have.
- You don't talk to me like that anymore.
- (KIM LAUGHS)
She doesn't give me
the nice voice anymore.
- Now, it's like Yeah.
- "Hey, what's up?"
- She's like, "What's up?"
- (DEEPER VOICE) "Hey, what's up?"
No, it was like slightly higher pitched,
just very friendly.
- (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hi!
- Uh Yeah, it was the ol
Yeah, it was the OG Kim.
- Hi!
- Yeah, you can still do it.
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- I'm Kim!
Do you not remember meetin' me?
Babe, you have to.
- (NORMAL) I don't remember, like, the
- How could you forget the 6'4",
- like, handsome British man in your house?
- Th-The amount of people
- that would write me at the beginning
- Really?
being like, "Who is him?"
"Set me up," da, da, da.
- Really?
- I'd be like, "I don't know
- if he's into girls, guys."
- (LAUGHING)
Like, "I don't know."
Oh, my God. Wait, where's the ring from?
Actually, do you know that caviar place?
It's the first place we went for dinner.
He got this ring made
out of the caviar tin.
The caviar we had.
- That's so thoughtful.
- So cute, right?
He's really thoughtful.
So, we went from me thinkin'
I'm never gonna get married
and I was gonna be the single one
- to we're doin' it.
- Isn't it crazy?
'Cause I feel like I'm just
as crazy and insecure as you.
- Mm-hm.
- (LAUGHS) Isn't it crazy
when we can be, like,
so not sure, like, 'cause you're
second-guessing yourself
- and it just shows you, like, not to.
- Wild.
You were like,
"Don't forget you're the prize."
And I was like, "Yeah, you're right."
Yeah, you are the prize.
- You're gonna think I'm crazy.
- 'Kay.
And I said I wouldn't do this
without him because
- Okay.
- he wanted to ask you as well, so.
- (FACETIME RINGING)
- Wait, you have to get a prenup.
- Can I mention that in front of him?
- Yeah, totally, yeah.
Like, I don't care what you have,
who you are, what you do,
we want prenup, we want prenup.
LUKAS GAGE (OVER PHONE): There she is.
So, I'm in I'm with Kim now.
- Hey.
- Oh, my God!
- So, we wanted to ask you together
- KIM: Congratulations!
Wait, can I just give you
one tip from a lawyer?
- Yeah, tell me.
- Prenup.
Sign that prenup, baby.
Yeah, just super general.
I think I can maybe even
write it for you guys.
We had a better idea.
Obviously, I can't do it
without you bein' there.
- Yeah.
- Like, you have to be there.
I'm your witness?
How good would it be
Babe, you, you ask her.
- How good would it be
- CHRIS: If
you officiated our wedding?
- You guys.
- (LAUGHTER)
I was like,
"She could be the flower girl."
And then I was like,
"Wait, how (BLEEP) iconic would it be"
The three-time divorcee
you want to be your
- CHRIS: Absolutely.
- minister?
I am so honored.
I've never done this before,
so I just wanna make sure
that I'm prepared,
but I don't even have time
to prepare or to figure it out.
Okay, let's get the paperwork going.
Wait, seriously?
- CHRIS: Are you gonna do it?
- Yeah. Of course.
- CHRIS: Oh, (BLEEP) yeah!
- Of course!
- CHRIS: I love you.
- (KIM LAUGHING)
- KIM (MUFFLED): Of course.
- CHRIS (MUFFLED): You're literally
the best person.
Wait, I gotta What am I gonna say?
I mean, I have no idea how to
do it, but I'll figure it out.
- LUKAS: Love you guys.
- Bye.
I love love, so YOLO.
CHRIS: Did you do prenups
with all yours?
Not my first one 'cause I did it in Vegas.
- You did it in Vegas?
- Yes,
- at the Little
- You've been married in Vegas?
- Duh. I
- Oh, my gosh, you can just
- walk me through the whole thing then.
- Duh.
- Little White Chapel.
- I didn't know.
That's exactly where we're doin' it!
- Yes! (LAUGHS)
- Oh, my God!
- I wonder if they remember you.
- Oh, my God, am I gonna have,
- like, PTSD?
- There's, like, a picture on the wall.
What, did you just go and do it one night,
- or did you plan it?
- Yeah, no, no, no. Not planned.
Just went and did it.
- Do you have pictures?
- No.
- Oh.
- I don't have a thing.
So, you just got married and then what?
And then I don't know, I don't remember.
It's meant to be.
Where should we go after?
We should do something.
We have to go to the Usher concert.
- Oh, my God, you never went.
- Are you guys into Usher?
- We never went. No.
- 'Cause you couldn't land.
- Yes, perfect! Let's do it.
- After the concert,
- we get tattoos?
- Oh, my God. Perfect.
And then
- Wait, will you get a tattoo, though?
- No.
(LAUGHS) What about on your little toe?
- No, I don't do feet tattoo, no.
- Really? In the
- Didn't you do something?
- Yeah.
You guys, something
you don't know about me.
- (GASPS) What does it say?
- Yeah.
It's a infinity symbol.
When did you do that?
The night of SNL, when I hosted SNL,
me and all my friends
got matching tattoos
and everyone got 'em on their hands.
- Oh, my God, that's so hot.
- And I was like, "There's not a shot
I will get a tattoo."
Holy shit, holy shit.
FRIEND 1: It doesn't hurt, Kim.
It doesn't hurt.
- FRIEND 2: Oh, my God.
- FRIEND 1: Wow.
KIM: Oh, this is nothing.
- FRIEND 3: Nothing?
- Yeah.
KHLOÉ: Look at her hands!
FRIEND 3: No, you gotta get into the legs.
But I finally put a bumper sticker
- on a Bentley!
- Oh, on the Bentley!
This is how you celebrate SNL
with a little tattoo
at 4:30 in the morning.
FRIEND: Woo-hoo!
- But no one knows, no one sees it.
- CHRIS: She did it.
I forget, but every once in a while,
I'll be flossing my teeth
and I'll see, like, black
and I'll go, "(GASPS)
What's this black in my mouth?"
(LAUGHTER) And then I'll be like,
"Oh, it's my tattoo."
It's all falling into place.
- I'm so excited.
- This is gonna be iconic.
(ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING)
♪♪
♪♪
This is what we live for,
this is what we live for ♪
KRIS: Paris is so (BLEEP) smart.
Like, of course, you just need a hologram.
Of course, I do, Paris.
There he is.
And my good friend, Howie Mandel,
has a little trick up his sleeve.
- How are you?
- I'm doin' great.
So good to see you.
- I'm I know.
- Virtual hug
- Well, that I see what
- get it? Get it?
- See what, see what I'm doin'?
- I do s I see what you're doin' there.
Yeah, thank you for having me.
I've got my kids all over
my ass right now
because I can't get enough done
and I can't be in 15
places at the same time.
I think my purpose in doing this for Khloé
is to make her laugh and that I want her
to know that,
"Okay, point taken.
This isn't that serious. We'll fix it."
Let's have a giggle
and get back to being us
because I miss you, Khloé.
So, I was thinking, "Guess who would have
the answer to this?"
Problem solved.
This is, this is called The Epic.
- KRIS: Oh, my God!
- Yeah, for me, they're great
for being there or being
in many places at once.
So, let me, let me
just show you what this is.
- KRIS: Okay.
- This is a camera up here.
Stand right here. Stand right here.
- Right where I am?
- HOWIE MANDEL: Right where you are.
Okay.
- Oh, uh, wow!
- Hi.
- Hi, Howie!
- Wow, high five.
- (KRIS LAUGHS)
- Boom!
- KRIS: Oh, my God!
- Isn't this great?
Just like an instant hologram.
And there's no latency.
I could be in my house.
I could be in New York.
- Right.
- And that could be one of your kids.
Do you wanna try this
and see what this is like?
- KRIS: Yeah.
- So, come back here.
- Okay.
- And you will see me in a second.
So, imagine
- Boom, ya see me?
- I see you.
HOWIE: And don't you feel like
you're talking to me?
- I do.
- I could put one of these
wherever you want
and you could stay home.
You don't have to leave your house.
Now you're talkin' my language.
This is the greatest.
It's a little frightening, (LAUGHS)
but according to my kids,
there's not enough of me
to go around, so problem solved.
This sounds like the answer to my prayers,
especially with Khloé.
She feels like she doesn't
get my undevoted time,
and I can't be everywhere at once,
and, ya know, she
- really gave me a lecture.
- I know. I have three kids.
- Exactly.
- Oh, you got a lecture?
Oh, I got a lecture.
Yeah, about how I need
to step it up, so. (LAUGHS)
Nothing says "I love you"
more than a hologram.
- That's right.
- So, you can have one in Khloé's,
one in Kim's, one in Kourtney's.
You could be everywhere.
- Not like the Kardashians aren't.
- Yeah.
(LAUGHING)
("GET READY FOR THIS"
BY VANACORE MUSIC PLAYING)
You're ready for this ♪
Get ready, get ready ♪
Na-na, na-na-na-na ♪
Na-na-na-na-na-na, watch me now ♪
♪♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER)
Today is the big day.
We are heading to Vegas
with Chris and Lukas and their families.
Cheers, everyone.
- LUKAS: Cheers, you guys.
- ALL: Cheers!
- Thank you, Kim.
- KIM: Oh, stop.
- CHRIS: Yeah, the best.
- KIM: No, no, no.
This is about Chris and Lukas.
Do you guys know we're going
to the Usher concert?
- Can I give you this?
- GUESTS: No.
Oh, should I not tell you guys things?
I have, like, a whole itinerary
that I haven't even told them about,
so I have the biggest
surprise when we land.
♪♪
Here we go ♪
CHRIS: So, do you think you've got
one more wedding inside you?
I don't know. I think I go back and forth.
- I think that
- CHRIS: I will say I feel like,
as long as I've known you,
I feel like this is the best
you've ever been.
- Like
- Just calm. I'm at a calm place.
You look amazin'.
You're in control of everything.
You have the kids down, the business down,
and I don't know,
I just feel like you're in a good place,
- happy
- So, maybe that's when it's good
to invite energy.
- CHRIS: Yeah, someone in.
- Yeah.
Hm, when did I say that?
Okay, so we have a year to go.
Think that would be really good for me.
Not looking. They seem to find me,
but I'm not looking. (LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
- KIM: I mean, I think you know,
like, as long as you're secure
in the things that matter the most.
- LUKAS: Yeah.
- I mean, I could be away
months from someone
and then it makes the time together
- That much better.
- so fun and so special,
and, like, then you
really miss each other.
Just liking making sure you communicate.
Like, the number one thing
that is so important in a relationship
is, like, a teammate, like a team player.
And when you find your person,
hold on tight and work through things.
Like, you wanna go
through shit with someone.
You wanna know that you can.
- Um, what else?
- Yeah, give us some more.
Hold on, I have a manifest list.
So, it has, like, good qualities,
so I can manifest like a (BLEEP), guys.
- CHRIS: Let's see your manifest list.
- Okay.
I do think the list is
ever-evolving and growing,
and I won't stop until,
until he fits every single one of those.
"Someone who calms me and drives me wild.
"No airing out our dirty laundry.
A person who accepts you
and pushes you to your highest potential."
And manifesting is one of my talents,
so watch out world.
- I'm gonna have Hold on.
- That's a good list.
KIM: Oh, my God. Khloé's like,
"You (BLEEP) bitch. You went without me.
I said I was coming with you
and I would've been the flower girl."
She's like, "You didn't (BLEEP)
tell me it was this Saturday."
She's like, "I'm so mad.
- I'm sitting here at home bored."
- (RINGBACK TONE)
I was rushing to get my license,
to do everything,
and I forgot to invite Khloé,
even though I did tell her a while ago.
She can come to Usher.
Oh, my God, should I send the plane
right back for you?
CHRIS: We're comin' to get you.
She doesn't have glam.
Kim was on the phone with Chris Appleton
talking about the plans for Vegas
and I said, "I wanna go,"
or something like that.
Chris, can I be your flower girl?
KIM: Khloé wants to be the flower girl.
- KIM: Khloé. "Who?"
- (LAUGHS) "Who?"
(LAUGHS) "Who?"
I was waiting for Kim
to send me details, something,
so I'm not thinking about this anymore.
She ends up calling me and says,
"Oh, I forgot you wanted to come.
I'll totally send the plane back for you."
Come on, I'm not gonna do that.
That's outrageous.
I know. She's like,
"I'm literally home alone doing nothing."
And I know how Kim is.
She will be in a (BLEEP)
black tie ball gown, and diamonds,
and this glam, and she'll be like,
"It's not a big deal,
just throw sweats on.
I-I'm in nothing."
That's what she'll say.
And I'm like, "Girl,
we've done this too many times.
"I've known you your whole life. (LAUGHS)
Don't play this game with me."
She wanted me just to roll out of bed and
hop on a plane.
No, you're not gonna sabotage me.
- Okay, bye.
- CHRIS: Can't do it without her.
- KIM: Ugh, I forgot to get Khloé.
- We need Koko.
She was gonna be the flower girl.
("DO I HAVE UR ATTN" BY CALL ME PENELOPE
& PETER VERDELL PLAYING)
'Kay, let me change.
We are in Vegas
and we're about to get married.
Whew! Can't believe this is happenin'.
Can't believe Kim made
this happen. Let's go!
We're takin' over,
are you ready for us? ♪
Are you feelin' the rush ♪
Leave 'em all in the dust ♪
KIM: So fun.
KIM: Guys, we're stopping somewhere.
LUKAS: We're stopping at
Buffalo Bill's, babe.
- KIM: I have a little surprise.
- CHRIS: Buffalo Bill's, baby.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
Wait, do we have any more
Jell-O (LAUGHS) shots?
LUKAS: Yeah, let's do more Jell-O shots.
KIM: Alright, guys,
just a fun, little surprise.
Will you get pics of us?
'Cause I don't I wanna get this.
CHRIS: Kim?
LUKAS: Kim? (GASPS)
- CHRIS: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God!
- SHANIA TWAIN: You made it!
- SHANIA: Chris, Lukas.
- Oh, my God!
SHANIA (SINGS): Looks like we made it ♪
Get over here, let's do this!
CHRIS/LUKAS: We love you!
- KIM: I love you even more!
- CHRIS: Oh, my God,
- this is the song!
- (BAND PLAYS "YOU'RE STILL THE ONE")
Literally, I can't believe it.
Shania Twain's "Still The One"
is Chris and Lukas's song.
They're obsessed with this song.
I'm obsessed with this song.
SHANIA (SINGS): Looks like we made it ♪
Look how far we've come, my baby ♪
KIM: And Shania, randomly,
is in Vegas this same weekend,
which is, like, madness. It's meant to be.
CHRIS/KIM/SHANIA (SINGING):
They said I bet ♪
They'll never make it ♪
But just look at us holdin' on ♪
Come on, guys, get up here.
VOCALISTS (SINGING):
You're still the one ♪
SHANIA: You're still the
one I run to ♪
The one that I belong to ♪
- Ah!
- Oh, my God!
You're still the one I want ♪
For life ♪
Love you.
Ugh, just I love giving surprises,
and I love making people happy,
and so, to see them in tears and so happy
and so genuinely surprised
makes me so happy.
You're still the one ♪
Chris and Lukas (SINGS)
Looks like we made it ♪
Just look how far we've come, my baby ♪
(ALL CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
You guys are getting married
today and I am I feel so Aw! (LAUGHS)
- I-I feel so privileged to be
- You're the best.
- a part of your special day.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- SHANIA: Group hug. Group hug.
- CHRIS: Come on!
- (LAUGHS) Gr-Group hug.
- KIM: I'm your biggest fan!
Ya know what Kim said to me?
She said, ya know
I-I said, "This is our song, um,
'Still the One, '"
- and she said, um, "Actually,"
- (LAUGHS) He just takes the mic!
"it's, it's actually my song as well."
When the song came out,
I would blast it ev all the time.
And I would always say,
"This will be my song
with my forever person."
So, when that time comes,
- (LAUGHS) She's takin' it back.
- my forever person, this is our song.
- I hope you like it.
- This is on loan.
- Aw, you guys have the best day ever.
- CHRIS/LUKAS: Thank you.
- The best life ever together.
- CHRIS: Seriously, so grateful.
- Thank you for taking the time.
- LUKAS: Thank you.
This is the best moment of my life.
- I am fangirling, you guys.
- Also, you are so hot.
- So hot!
- (SHANIA LAUGHS)
- What is your
- So hot.
Shania is so generous.
Like, she just really took the time
to make this night really special,
and I just am so forever grateful.
Woo, we're gettin' married!
- Woo! Let's go!
- LUKAS: Let's do it, baby.
And one day, maybe you'll sing this for me
and whoever loves this song with me.
LUKAS: Oh, my God, Kim, (BLEEP) love you.
- I cannot believe you
- KIM: Shania forever!
- LUKAS: Shania, we love you!
- KIM: We love you!
- You're still the one!
- You're still the one!
KIM: Always the one!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
KHLOÉ: Congratulations!
Hi, little guy! Can I hold you?
- KRIS: Hi!
- KHLOÉ: It's a bouquet of carrots.
- That is (CHUCKLES) so clever.
- KENDALL JENNER: Khloé,
these are gorgeous carrots.
Don't you think that was smart
instead of a bouquet of flowers?
No, Khloé, I love you.
- That is so nice.
- Oh, thank you.
So, my baby horse was born.
I think I have the most gorgeous baby.
And I know everyone
says that about their children,
but I really believe that I have
(CHUCKLING) the most gorgeous horse baby.
- Is this not me? He has my legs.
- In, in human form.
- In horse form.
- Or whatever, yes.
- Aw, look at him!
- Oh, my. It's like your Dobermans, too.
KENDALL: I didn't get to see the birth.
It happened at 1:00 a.m.,
and I was asleep,
and I didn't hear my phone ringing.
So, I'm kind of a bad mom for that.
(LAUGHS) Starting off really strong.
Um, but I met him a couple hours
after he was born,
and it was just so
what a beautiful thing to see.
Just, like, new life and a new little,
a little new little guy.
- Happy birthday!
- Birth. Happy birth birth!
- Guys! You guys are so cute!
- KRIS/COREY GAMBLE: Happy birth birth!
I love to celebrate everything and I think
it'd be really special
to celebrate Kendall's new pony.
- Boo!
- (TATUM GIGGLES)
But it is so hard
not to tell Khloé about
this hologram idea.
I'm literally bursting at the seams.
I just can't wait
to surprise her with this.
Are you gonna make a wish for your fowl?
- Foal.
- Foal.
KENDALL: Mm-hm.
GROUP: Yay!
- Guys, this is so silly and cute.
- Yay, Papa!
KENDALL: Is this carrot cake?
'Cause I actually want some.
Uh-huh.
Khloé, this is the spitting image
of your dad and your brother.
It's freaking me out.
Ugh. Tatum?
Tatum is Robert Kardashian Senior.
He is my ex-husband in a baby form.
Hi, little Rob.
Even his little mannerisms,
his little smile, the way he looks at me.
Hi.
Mom, it's not that
You're totally exaggerating
'cause it's not like that.
Am I exaggerating? Come here.
I look through those eyes
and I see his little soul,
and I can just, yep, there he is.
The DNA is real.
What knife should I Like, should I
Is this the proper
I don't wanna use the wrong thing to cut.
Oh. Well, that's a sp kind of a spatula.
- Kendall, that's an icing tool.
- Khloé, don't look at me like that.
KHLOÉ: That's how you ice the cake.
- Oh, there's this.
- KRIS: Oh, well, there ya go.
Hey, (KISS SMACKS) peekaboo!
Alright. Not really
Mom, your smile is so fake.
- KRIS: What?
- You're like.
- Okay, well, take it again.
- Kendall, will you get
in the photo with them?
KENDALL: Um.
(KRIS TRILLS LIPS)
That was harder to cut
than it should've been.
Kenny, clearly the kitchen
is not like, your safe space.
What did I do wrong, guys?
It won't, it won't come out.
KHLOÉ: She's not a good food cutter.
KENDALL: Oh, I was picking it up
too low. Got it.
KRIS: Actually, that looks really good.
Okay, I'm gonna go. Love you guys.
- KRIS: Bye, Koko, love you.
- Love you. Bye.
So, wait, I had a dream
that you had a baby.
With who?
It wasn't clear who it was with.
- It was just you had a baby.
- KENDALL: Okay.
KRIS: Do you ever think
you want a baby one day?
Of course.
Three max. I'm cool with two, though.
I just want my kid to for sure
have a sibling, I know that.
Oh, okay.
I know we're all different,
but me, personally,
I would love to see Kendall have a baby,
and she'd be such a good mommy.
I swear I got this
and I will give you a grandkid
when the time is right
and when it all makes sense perfectly.
I just think about my life
and the freedom that I have right now
and, like, the ease and, like,
picking up and going somewhere.
- I just like that right now.
- COREY: Yeah. All that's gonna change.
- Completely. Your whole life changes.
- I can't even imagine, yeah.
But I'm also, like, not gonna
do it with just anybody.
- Like, I wanna try to at least
- COREY: Have a love life
- Yeah, have, like, a Yeah.
- COREY: and a story, and a weddin',
- and a fairytale.
- Exactly.
I got you, kid.
Ya know, I'm traditional
I guess in that sense.
I love that.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
No, I don't need anybody but you ♪
LUKAS: Alright, guys,
everyone take a shot.
Wake up, we're a mile away.
- CHRIS: We're gettin' married.
- LUKAS: We're getting married.
'Cause, baby, I was made for you ♪
Oh, I don't need anybody but you ♪
KIM: You guys, there's a drive-through?
How convenient!
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Everyone kiss Love! So good.
I wonder if they can look up records here.
CHRIS: You were actually here?
KIM: Wait, what would that have been?
Ah, 23 years ago!
- Wow, alright, guys.
- Twenty-three years ago she was here.
Since I'm the minister,
I'm gonna welcome you all in
- Come on, guys!
- to the Little White Chapel.
- (GUESTS CHEERING)
- Okay?
We probably have a slot
of about 20 minutes,
so we'll get through this.
I just honestly haven't
had time to figure this out,
otherwise I would've come up
with something extremely clever.
Guys, I've never done this
before and I haven't even rehearsed.
So, they printed this out
for me and I'm gonna wing it
'cause that is when the magic happens.
("CANON IN D" PLAYING IN CHAPEL)
First of all, I'm so honored that you both
are trusting in me to do this.
You both have such big hearts,
and the advice that I can give you
is always have each other's backs.
Of course.
I would be like the Grinch if I didn't.
"To have and to hold in sickness
and in health for all of my days."
It's so fun. Falling in love is
the most fun thing on the planet.
I now pronounce you happily married.
(GUESTS CHEERING AND CLAPPING)
No, you guys, like, hold each other,
like husband and husband.
- CHRIS: Let's get out of here.
- KIM: Oh, okay.
(GUESTS CHEERING AND CLAPPING)
This was so much fun.
Like, married my first couple.
We put so much love in the world.
I'm so happy for them.
CHRIS: Alright, let's go eat! Woo-hoo!
LUKAS: Woo!
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
Call this the rebirth,
call this the rebirth ♪
Everything is comin' strong ♪
- Good morning.
- KHLOÉ: Hi, Joe.
- JOËL BOURAÏMA: By yourself?
- No, Kim is coming.
- (JOËL LAUGHS)
- She better be coming.
Had to form a plan if you wanna rise ♪
Was workin' in the dark,
did it in disguise ♪
Call this the rebirth ♪
Everything is comin' strong ♪
- KIM: Good morning.
- Kim, good morning.
- It's Joe?
- It's been a while.
- KIM: How are you?
- I think first time in 2023.
- KHLOÉ: No way.
- Yeah.
- How are you?
- Good, and you?
KHLOÉ: Are you drinking spirulina?
Is that what it's called?
(YAWNS)
Oh, I'm tired. I just got back from Vegas
and now I have a workout with Khloé
and all she's gonna do is torture me
because I forgot to invite her.
Let's go.
(ENERGETIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
That's it.
All the way, that's it.
- KHLOÉ: Get that ass up.
- JOËL: That's it.
What really stung
was that she went to Usher.
- (BLEEP).
- (BLEEP) it up.
♪♪
This is Kim's payback.
Where she's hungover
and she needs to work out.
So think about this next time.
Wait, so, how was Vegas?
Oh, my God, it was so much fun.
We got, like, a limo and, like
So you're just glossing over
that you forgot about me?
You're just such a planner.
You need, like, a week in advance.
Sometimes life is just, like
Kimberly, you told me 30 minutes
or you were already on the plane, I think.
The group chat was going nuts.
The group chat was like,
"Usher's our thing."
Yeah.
Everyone going to Usher
the first time
for her birthday that failed.
KRIS: Are we landing?
PILOT (OVER SPEAKERS):
Alright, ladies and gentlemen,
the ATC will not let us land in McCarran.
We're all starting a chat,
like, bullying her.
Like, "(BLEEP) you.
I can't believe you did this without us."
All of us are pissed and she's like,
"I didn't know you guys
would be upset about this."
Yeah, it was Like, we have to go back.
Like, we ha Like, it was
so fun, I'd go back.
I'm gonna get together the most fun group
and we are gonna go see Usher,
and Khloé is gonna leave
the gates of Hidden Hills
whether she likes it or not.
True, what are the chances we can get Koko
to leave Hidden Hills?
BTG Kokes, that's your nickname.
Behind The Gates Kokes.
- Yep, we discovered with that.
- She doesn't leave.
We think her car dies
when she leaves the gates.
I think she thinks that it's,
like, an electric car
-that just turns off as soon as-
-No, it's like You know those dogs
- she's out of Hidden Hills.
- that have an invisible,
like, fence and they shock it
when it leaves the fence?
That's me. I get shocked.
All of her friends from her birthday trip,
all of us are dying to go,
but I have a lot going on.
I don't know if I can just
take another trip right now.
Alright, well, since you want
to be prepared to leave the gates,
I'm gonna need to know, like, ASAP,
- 'kay?
- Okay, I'll let you know.
Yeah, but everyone touches it.
I put my sweat towel on it.
You gotta still clean things.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- (BIRD CAWING)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
One two on the floor, I'm ready to go ♪
Yeah, keep it up ♪
Oh, wow. That looks great. (LAUGHS)
HOWIE: And it goes with the furniture.
Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, she's gonna die.
- Well
- She's gonna
Well, hopefully, of happiness
- (KRIS LAUGHS)
- because we bring her mother to her
every waking minute of her life,
every place she goes.
Oh, lucky Khloé.
We're setting up this amazing hologram.
She's at a photo shoot
that I'm actually supposed to be at,
but she thinks I've, ya know,
skipped town or something.
(LAUGHS) I don't know.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
ALESSANDRO MORELLI: Three, two, one.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Yes Beautiful work.
I am at a photo shoot
with the Morelli brothers
who I was introduced to through my mother.
So, she's at a photo shoot.
She's doing a cover shot
- HOWIE: Oh, wow.
- KRIS: for L'Officiel magazine,
which I set up,
and she's probably wondering
why I'm not there right now.
She You know she's
cussing me out in her mind.
- For you not being there.
- Yeah, "Where's my mom?"
KHLOÉ: We just had a talk
that I wanted her
to be a little more hands-on
with my business stuff,
so for her not to be here
it's a tad disappointing.
This is like a surprise party.
It's the ultimate surprise party.
- (KRIS LAUGHS)
- Because when it's when you throw
somebody a surprise party, you wanna
make the person you love
- think that nobody cares
- Right?
nobody even remembered
- and then the door opens.
- KRIS: Ta-da!
- So, now when she gets home
- I'm gonna be everywhere.
- Yeah, perfect.
- Do you wanna see where you're
gonna be broadcasting from?
- Yeah. Okay.
- Let's go to your house.
Okay, got it. I'm so excited.
I think all the trouble
that we've all gone to
to make Khloé feel seen
and that I wanna be there.
I don't wanna disappoint anybody.
I wanna be a good manager
and never let anybody down.
(LAUGHS) But we'll see how this turns out.
I don't think Khloé likes surprises.
HOWIE: This is your spot. Get on there.
- KRIS: Alright.
- Watch that.
- Yes, sir.
- So, there you are.
That's how you look in the box.
So, if you take a little step back
so your feet are in the box.
- Okay.
- This is you in the box
- in her living room.
- Oh, wow.
HOWIE: You'll hear her.
- You'll be wearing ear pods.
- KRIS: Right, okay.
CREWMEMBER: So, Khloé's,
like, five minutes away.
Okay, she's five minutes away?
-CREWMEMBER: She's five minutes away
-Okay.
Khloé is very specific, in particular,
about the way that she keeps her house.
So, the fact that I'm here
with all these people,
this crew, and Howie Mandel,
I hope she takes it well.
I don't know how she's gonna react.
PRODUCER: Don't worry.
PRODUCER: Don't be worried, we just
have to follow you inside.
PRODUCER: No, no, no. It's really nothing,
don't worry.
- PRODUCER: Where are you going? Stay here.
- What?
PRODUCER: Stay here, you gotta go
in the front door.
- I have to center myself.
- CREWMEMBER: Yep.
- Nope, right here.
- CREWMEMBER: I got some headphones for you
- so you can talk back and forth.
- Okay.
Oh, God, what's happening?
No I'm, like,
the worst with a surprise.
I don't even wanna go inside now.
God.
(BLEEP). If something is in there.
I don't like surprises.
I am such a control freak, I'm nuts.
Okay.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, my God, I don't know
how to conduct myself.
This doesn't work well with my anxiety
and I don't have any beta blockers on me.
- KRIS: Okay.
- (GASPS)
What the (BLEEP) is happening?
- Am I supposed to do something? (GASPS)
- Hi, Khloé, welcome home.
- Hi.
- Hi, did you have a great day?
No, is she really talkin' to me?
Come on over here. Come to mama.
- Is she in that thing?
- Come on.
- I don't bite.
- What the (BLEEP)?
- Is something gonna jump out?
- KRIS: Come over here, Khloé.
- What?
- Wow, I love the blonde hair.
This is really weird.
And you can see me?
- KRIS: Khloé.
- (GASPS) What?
KRIS: Hi, honey.
- KHLOÉ: What is happening?
- Did you have a good day today?
(GASPS) Yes, I did.
Where are you?
What do you mean where am I?
I'm right here.
Don't let the cat out.
Why? What? Where are you?
What the (BLEEP) is happening?
It makes me really happy
that she's so confused.
- KHLOÉ: What?
- KRIS: Me again!
- Oh no.
- Me again!
KHLOÉ: But where are you in real life?
Do you wanna have dinner?
I can have a snack with you.
We can make dinner together.
I can be two places at the same time.
I can be three places at the same time.
I could be with you wherever you go.
Okay, what-what's-what's happening?
Ya know, you've said lately
that I was a little stretched on time
and I really wanna make you proud of me,
and I never wanna
disappoint you or let you down.
So, I have figured out a way
to be in more than one place at a time,
and I think that was
your biggest complaint.
Are you excited?
I'm just confused.
Are you standing somewhere
at your house talking to me
instead of just being here?
When Is that what's hap
Where are you currently?
I'm everywhere.
- Yeah. You're omnipresent.
- I'm anywhere you want me to be.
- And can you see me?
- Of course, I can.
- KHLOÉ: Well, that's really creepy.
- Hold up a certain amount
of fingers and I'll tell you
how many you're holding up.
(LAUGHS) One.
- Yeah.
- Very funny.
- Okay, I love you.
- (KRIS LAUGHS)
Oh, God. Oh, God Hello?
- Too much?
- Oh, Lord. It's still talking.
- Is it too much?
- Um, no, it's great.
KRIS: I could read you a bedtime story.
Oh, good.
We got unplugged.
She unplugged me?
You unplugged me.
- How do you know?
- I was watching you.
I can see everything you were doing.
- Hm hm.
- Yeah.
Thank you, guys.
It's so cute that my mom
is trying to make me feel
that she heard our argument.
KRIS: Alright. We're walking over.
'Cause, normally, she'll just
always say she has to go
and ignores everything I said.
- Where is she?
- So, at least I know she was listening,
and she hears me, and she got really
high-tech devices.
- Surprise!
- Yay!
BOTH: Yay!
- Oh, my gosh! It's Todd Kraines.
- I know!
(MUFFLED) It's Todd Kraines!
Well, ya know, I'm just a hologram away
- KHLOÉ: How amazing.
- for the rest of your life.
No, but not for the rest of my life.
- No, but I
- For the rest of your life.
Yes, so I could've been
with you at your photo shoot today.
But you chose not to.
No, we were do we were setting up
your surprise.
(KHLOÉ FAKE LAUGHS) I know!
This definitely doesn't solve
the deeper issue between me and my mom,
but at this point,
I don't even care anymore.
KRIS: Okay, I'm gonna go over there,
maybe on this one?
I love that we are laughing
and that she just thinks this is, like,
the funniest thing on the planet.
So, I just want us
to laugh together and have fun.
Say hi.
- TRUE THOMPSON: Hi.
- KRIS: Hi, guys!
I'll be right here when you need me.
This better get picked up soon.
- Bye! Love you guys.
- Bye! We love you.
Who's gonna clean everything up?
♪♪
KIM: On my group chat,
everyone was really upset
that I cheated on them
and went without them.
Usher was our thing, so I thought,
"You know what, guys?
Usher is our thing."
Guys, we're gonna miss the concert.
KHLOÉ: I thought it'sat 9:00, you said?
It is. It takes 45 minutes to get there.
It's eight o'clock.
I decided to go to Vegas.
Ya know, I do wanna be
a little bit more spontaneous,
but I still need a 24-hour window
of notification and a full itinerary.
But other than that,
I will be spontaneous.
KIM: Where are the Jell-O shots?
We are gonna go see Usher
and we are so excited.
It's such a good show.
I can't wait for them to experience it.
Alright, ladies.
("GET IT STARTED"
BY VANACORE MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's get it started now,
ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Alright, guys, you ready?
Let's get it started now ♪
We just can't get enough ♪
I am beyond excited for so many reasons.
ONE: mama needs a night out
without any kids.
KIM: Thank you, we're back.
TWO: a little alcohol sounds divine.
KIM: Oh, my God, is that the girl
from Usher's video? Nice & Slow?
THREE: I completely forgot
that Kimora was in an Usher video.
So, we're gonna party.
Khloé has not left the house in 10 years.
- Yeah, so she's, like
- So, I'll have a drink
- I'm not far behind.
- Yeah.
(ALL LAUGHING)
STEPHANIE SHEPHERD:
I got nothin' to do mañana.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪♪
Honestly, I didn't even
have time for this trip.
I have a spray tan at 1:00 a.m.
I have to be home to get my spray tan.
- EMCEE: Now scream!
- (CROWD CHEERING)
(USHER SINGING "MY BOO")
You'll never see it comin'
'cause you're blinded from the start ♪
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see ♪
Ooh, baby ♪
(ECHOES) We gotta rock away to this one.
- Come on!
- (ALL SINGING)
ALL: My, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my boo ♪
KHLOÉ: We are all having such a
good time at this concert.
Kim, who rarely drinks,
is on the drinking train tonight and she's
having a ball.
We all are. We are dancing.
USHER (SINGS): And you are my baby ♪
We are being serenaded by Usher.
(CROWD CHEERING)
This is the time to be
a slob kebab in Vegas
and then back home to reality.
Khloé thinks that it's her job
just to make everyone happy
and she takes care of so many people
that I feel like it's my job
to make Khloé happy.
That was so good.
So, it makes me happy
that I made her happy
and that she's having a good time.
- We're, we're very drunk.
- So, you guys ain't hanging?
- Y'all gettin' ready to leave?
- Kimberly needs a spray tan.
I have a spray tan in 45 minutes.
- Oh.
- KIM: Yeah.
So, you're gonna dash me for a spray tan?
- Yes.
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
- Okay, cool.
I'm happy that you guys
- came to see the show.
- So fun.
- PHOTOGRAPHER: In three, two
- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
Usher, baby! Vegas!
- KIM: Okay.
- Enjoy the tan.
- So fun. See you at The Met.
- Alright, baby.
KIM: We'll go.
KHLOÉ: My sister has to get a spray tan
at 1:30 in the morning.
KIM: Next on The Kardashians.
In this family, if you do
something to one of us,
it affects everyone.
TRISTAN THOMPSON: I'm in a place now where
I can own up to the mistakes I made.
KYLIE JENNER: Tristan is coming over.
I do feel a little nervous.
Everyone got affected
differently, ya know,
but I think you were affected the most.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN BARKER:
On a scale of 1 to 10
- Yeah.
- how scared are you?
Tristan and I really have not connected
and I just can't fake it.
Do you feel anything?
- When I cheat?
- Yeah.
I feel disgusted the next day.
So then why do you do it again?
KIM: We're in New York City shooting
the cover of Time magazine.
It's our first Met fitting.
I have acting class at midnight, you guys.
I see something you don't see,
you're gonna burn out.
So, guys, I am having a baby.
I'm five months pregnant.
Tomorrow we are doing our gender reveal.
You're telling me the day before?
- Mm-hm.
- That's so Kourtney.
KHLOÉ: Everyone!
The gender reveal is starting!
Let's go. Let's do this, Kourt.
I love surprises.
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- KHLOÉ: What?!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Ready to run and I know we'll overcome ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Show everyone,
I know that I'll overcooome ♪
I know that I'll overcooome ♪
♪♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Whoa, oh, oh ♪
Show everyone, I know we'll overcome ♪
Let's get it started ♪
Let's get it started, yeah ♪
Whoa, I know we'll overcome ♪
What?
Yeah, well.
Uh, that's not gonna be me.
I love hair, so someone
that cares about hair.
Ya know, maybe it's meant to be
me and Chris Appleton. (LAUGHS)
- PRODUCER: I was just gonna say.
- Could you imagine? (LAUGHS)
PRODUCER: Only Appleton.
(BELL TOLLS)