Younger (2015) s04e07 Episode Script
Fever Pitch
1 [typing.]
[knocking at door.]
Come in.
About what you said earlier, the whole dating a 40-something guy in publishing.
- I - I'm sorry.
Can you [whispers.]
Sorry.
Please stop apologizing, Liza.
You didn't embarrass yourself.
I did.
No, you didn't.
It's Okay, you did.
- But - What do we do now? Right.
I'm tired of talking, talking, talking Talking I've been nothing but good to you 'Cause I've been nothing but good to you Your howling into the night won't do And I'm tired of talking, talking, talking Talking Ohh! Okay.
[laughs.]
[inhales deeply.]
Girl? Ooh, rough night? Rough sex.
Best I've had in Yeah, best I've had.
[sighs.]
It was just a dream.
With that J guy? Ooh, Josh? Uh, Charles.
Oh, let me guess.
You two were reading.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Doing crosswording.
No, it's just my subconscious working overtime after Charles put his feelings out there yesterday, which I'm still freaking out about.
Oh, God, you two and all your feelings.
Just do it.
"It," as in go have sex with Charles? Yeah, what's the big deal? It's an office flirtation.
Just get it over with.
Consummate and deflate.
Oh, that's your advice? Bang your boss? It can't all be gold.
Well, that can't happen for so many reasons.
No, I have to ignore my dream and march into his office and just shut this workplace romance down.
Repression healthy way to start your day.
[upbeat music.]
You know that holds more liquid than the average human stomach, right? - Kelsey? - Hmm? I'm sorry.
God.
I'm a little scattered today.
I did not sleep last night.
Yeah, I was tossing and turning last night too.
I mean, why am I even going to work? It's a minefield.
Charles blames me for Zane poaching LL Moore.
He's probably looming outside my office right now.
Charles doesn't loom.
He's a giant.
Liza, he he looms.
Well, then don't go to the office, then.
Like, skip school? No, no, I mean just go straight to PitchFest.
Oh, my God, that's today.
No, no, I cannot go put on a fake smile and listen to those hopeful amateurs pitch me their "Gone Girl" rip-offs.
PitchFest is that bad? It's like auditions for "The Voice," only you can't turn your chair away.
Nope, no, I like your first idea better.
Can you please cover for me? Of course.
Rest up.
[sighs.]
Wow.
Charles? He's not coming in.
Oh, uh, did he say why? Isn't it obvious? This has never happened, not even during Hurricane Sandy when our power went out and he marched his thoroughbred thighs up 40 flights.
So brave.
Kelsey's office is empty too.
Did she run away with her boyfriend, the big game poacher? She's working from home today.
Pathetic attempt, Liza.
But after this LL Moore fiasco, I can't blame her for making herself scarce.
This upstate vacay will do wonders for you, dude.
Okay, forget about work.
Forget about Zane.
I can't if you keep reminding me.
But hey, forget your emails.
Dude, this will be a healing retreat, okay? Just you and me.
It'll be like an episode of "Girls," except except we like each other.
Whoa.
Was I high, or did I hear you leave, like, two hours ago? I'm taking a mental health day.
Or days.
It's almost the weekend.
What are you talking about? It's Wednesday.
Hey, Hector has loaned us his house on the Hudson, all right? There is a medium hot tub and a hot hot tub.
- Two hot tubs.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
One's for soaking.
One's for stroking.
Hector's words, not mine.
Do you want to join? Kelsey, no! It's girlscation.
I'm sorry; there are no Adams allowed.
It's fine.
Uh Guess my friend here won't be invited either, so Well, actually, you know, it could be kind of handy having a house boy.
Yes! You're hired.
- Yeah! - Give it here.
- Here.
- [laughs.]
[upbeat drum intro.]
[lively jazz music.]
Edwina Dethridge is just an ordinary girl from Poughkeepsie until one day, she discovers she has an identical twin sister who is a queen of an alien race of spiders.
So Edwina is a spider.
No? You ready? Now, Lucky is a washed-up coach in his 50s.
But this is a Millennial story, because the object of his desire is young, like Lolita young, hmm? A girl sees a murder on a bus, but she's a crackhead, so no one believes her.
And her memory's all messed up 'cause of the crack, so it's like maybe she didn't see it; she did it.
So it's like, uh, "Girl on the Train.
" Not at all.
It happens on a bus.
[phone chimes.]
Hi.
Liza, right? Yes, I'm Pauline.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, my God, you must be exhausted.
- [sighs.]
- [laughs.]
I have never been around so much nervous energy, and I've survived two Peppa Pig concerts.
[laughs.]
So I don't know how this works.
- Do I just - Oh, your pitch.
Yes, of course.
Just jump right in.
Okay, um, well my book is kind of "Primates of Park Avenue" meets Nora Ephron's "Heartburn.
" - You had me at "Heartburn.
" - Oh, good.
Roman à clef? Um, sort of, yeah.
Creative Writing 101: Write what you know.
I got married, had kids, did the things you're meant to do.
And I also sort of let my husband steer the ship, which moored us on the Upper East Side, and, whoa, was I out of my depth.
Pickups, drop-offs, hosting and attending charity events.
I had no time to work, even freelance.
So before I knew it, I just lost sight of who I was as a writer, as a woman.
Ugh, it's gonna sound selfish and ungrateful, but married life stifled me.
I just needed to escape.
I mean, I was losing it.
I just needed a break.
I needed a little Marriage vacation.
Yes, you get it.
You totally get it.
But is it too heavy for Millennial? I mean, I read about you guys in "EW"'s "29 under 29," so I know you skew a lot younger.
Would it be more of an Empirical book? You know, actually, I think it could appeal to Millennial readers as a cautionary tale you know, understand what marriage is, go in with eyes open.
Oh, I love that take.
Look, it's just a work in progress.
I don't even have a title yet.
But could I email you some chapters? Yeah, I please.
Please do.
I would love that.
Thank you.
It's so nice to meet you.
Good luck with all these people.
House boy reporting for duty.
[laughs.]
This place is a dump.
Oh, it's the pits.
- There you go.
- Yes.
Are you still working? Don't tell Lauren.
Oh, you creepin', Kels? - What? - Yeah.
God, vain much? Surprise shaman! So I recently graduated from my online shamanic studies course.
Best 40 bucks ever spent, by the way.
And then I went on Darknet, and I ordered everything needed to brew ayahuasca.
- What? - Yes! Now we can finally access the parts of our brains that we're born with and we die with.
Okay, wait, my buddy Sky went and did this in Joshua Tree, and he came back with one blue eye, one brown.
They used to be green.
[gasps.]
Oh.
- Josh? Josh! - No! That shit is sacred, okay? Not to be messed with.
You either do it in Peru or you don't do it at all.
- [phone ringing.]
- You're fired! Liza.
Hey.
Oh, my God, thanks for covering for me.
I'm sure it's a total shitshow.
It is, but I did hear one amazing pitch mature, sophisticated.
I think it could really expand the Millennial brand.
I already have the first couple of chapters.
You want to read? I will, but I'm kind of disconnecting upstate.
Oh, okay.
By yourself? - No, Lauren's here.
- Hi! Hey.
Good, I'm glad you're not alone.
All right, I'll just I'll leave you to it.
Okay, I'll see you in the city.
Uh, why didn't you say Josh was with us? Oh.
Uh no reason.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
- We should just stay here.
- Yup.
I'll get a bar job, commit to my passion for day drinking.
Ooh, yes, and I'll run the ghost tours in Sleepy Hollow.
Josh could open a tattoo shop.
[gasps.]
Dude, I knew it.
You knew what? Wait, clearly, it was my shamanic energy, okay? I have been shipping you two since you moved in together.
I have been offering you up to the universe as a pair bond, and she has heard me.
Namaste! Speak English, please.
You're in love with Josh.
Wha no? Ah, okay, okay.
So wait.
He's in love with you, and you're just what? You're just serving him up some pity clitty.
Yeah, that's sad, Kelsey, but, you know, I've been there.
No, Josh and I are friends.
That's all.
No, no, that is exactly how these things always start, dude.
Have you seen a single Cameron Diaz movie? Listen, I know this is hard for you to understand, but not everyone wants to screw the crew.
[laughs.]
No, it's gonna happen, dude, okay? The universe wills it so.
Yo! Yo.
[laughs.]
You guys got to come inside and see this.
I know I'm super stoned right now, but this is crazy.
It's crazy! [both laughing and coughing.]
Let's go.
Are you ready for this? - They're everywhere.
- What? - Dicks.
- [shrieks.]
Oh, my God! The doorknob's a knob.
[laughs.]
You guys, I knew Hector was a huge Keith Haring fan, but this is next-level willy worship.
[laughing.]
Oh, my God.
It's a members only club.
Oh, my God, it's a penis palace! Yo! There's a bone throne in there.
- A what? - A bone throne.
Oh, my God, that looks painful.
Lauren, get down now.
[phone chimes.]
[elevator dings.]
[knocking at door.]
Come in.
Hey.
Hey.
Never did get around to eating that cupcake yesterday.
Yeah, it's probably hard by now.
I I mean stale.
Dry.
- I don't know what I'm saying.
- You okay? Uh, you seem a little jumpy.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What? I have to tell you something.
Don't talk.
All we do is talk.
[rattling noise.]
What's that? The janitor? Shit, the janitor! Oh, my God.
Hey, George.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't know anyone was still here.
Uh, yeah, just just finishing up.
Oh, yeah, we were I was just telling Charles about this, um, incredible book that I got pitched.
It's first-rate.
Yeah, that that fell.
It's all set.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Good night, George.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
Pauline Turner? What is this? Oh, um, it's great, actually.
This is by a first-time novelist about a wife who gives up her career to be a mom and then feels suffocated by her own life, so she kind of takes a vacation from her family.
I met her at PitchFest.
What did she look like? Uh, well, um why? Uh, did she look like this? How do you have a picture with Pauline? Because I was married to her.
[laidback music.]
Charles, I am so sorry.
I she Pauline I just I didn't know that she was your She didn't say anything about you.
I have to get home.
I have to I have to read this carefully, call my lawyer.
Uh good night.
Hello? Sorry! Psst! Hey.
What's going on? You can't sleep? - Mm-mm.
- Me either.
It's too quiet out here.
I miss the sound of ambulances and jackhammers.
You know? Oh.
[laughs.]
It was all I could find.
Okay, I'm just gonna drink right from the bottle, if that's okay with you.
So it turns out that running away from your problems is as dumb as it sounds.
Why? - What's going on? - I love my job.
And I could lose it.
You're not gonna lose it.
You're a boss, Kels.
And I'm scared to trust people.
Like, I let Zane in, trusted him, got burned again.
I get that.
I mean, I trusted Liza, Montana.
It's starting to feel like everyone's just out for themselves.
Well, everyone has an agenda.
- I don't.
- Neither do I.
Okay, well, maybe I have a little agenda, but I'm not an asshole about it.
Look.
You are gonna bounce back just fine, all right? You're one of the strongest people I know, so I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, me too.
They say you're doing well You're doing just fine I hear it all the time We can't.
I know.
I'm sorry.
That was a crazy idea.
No, it's not crazy.
[sighs.]
It's just not right.
Yeah.
Good night, Josh.
And I thought it'd get easier It's getting harder to hide Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh [phone buzzing.]
Charles, is everything okay? Yeah, yeah.
I'm I'm sorry, Liza, for that for that very abrupt exit.
But I read I read Pauline's chapters.
Must be awful to have your life mischaracterized in that way.
Well, actually, some of it's pretty honest.
- Oh? - Yeah.
She makes some parallels to to me and and to our marriage, and But I am just trying to figure out what to do next.
Maybe you should call her.
You know, I think I'd rather wait until I've read the whole book, if it's out there.
But look, I will take care of this, and I am I'm very sorry that you got pulled into this, Liza.
And by the way, I don't regret what happened tonight at all, just the way it got interrupted.
Good night.
Good night.
[sighs.]
[groans.]
[knocking at door.]
Come in.
About what you said earlier, the whole dating a 40-something guy in publishing.
- I - I'm sorry.
Can you [whispers.]
Sorry.
Please stop apologizing, Liza.
You didn't embarrass yourself.
I did.
No, you didn't.
It's Okay, you did.
- But - What do we do now? Right.
I'm tired of talking, talking, talking Talking I've been nothing but good to you 'Cause I've been nothing but good to you Your howling into the night won't do And I'm tired of talking, talking, talking Talking Ohh! Okay.
[laughs.]
[inhales deeply.]
Girl? Ooh, rough night? Rough sex.
Best I've had in Yeah, best I've had.
[sighs.]
It was just a dream.
With that J guy? Ooh, Josh? Uh, Charles.
Oh, let me guess.
You two were reading.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Doing crosswording.
No, it's just my subconscious working overtime after Charles put his feelings out there yesterday, which I'm still freaking out about.
Oh, God, you two and all your feelings.
Just do it.
"It," as in go have sex with Charles? Yeah, what's the big deal? It's an office flirtation.
Just get it over with.
Consummate and deflate.
Oh, that's your advice? Bang your boss? It can't all be gold.
Well, that can't happen for so many reasons.
No, I have to ignore my dream and march into his office and just shut this workplace romance down.
Repression healthy way to start your day.
[upbeat music.]
You know that holds more liquid than the average human stomach, right? - Kelsey? - Hmm? I'm sorry.
God.
I'm a little scattered today.
I did not sleep last night.
Yeah, I was tossing and turning last night too.
I mean, why am I even going to work? It's a minefield.
Charles blames me for Zane poaching LL Moore.
He's probably looming outside my office right now.
Charles doesn't loom.
He's a giant.
Liza, he he looms.
Well, then don't go to the office, then.
Like, skip school? No, no, I mean just go straight to PitchFest.
Oh, my God, that's today.
No, no, I cannot go put on a fake smile and listen to those hopeful amateurs pitch me their "Gone Girl" rip-offs.
PitchFest is that bad? It's like auditions for "The Voice," only you can't turn your chair away.
Nope, no, I like your first idea better.
Can you please cover for me? Of course.
Rest up.
[sighs.]
Wow.
Charles? He's not coming in.
Oh, uh, did he say why? Isn't it obvious? This has never happened, not even during Hurricane Sandy when our power went out and he marched his thoroughbred thighs up 40 flights.
So brave.
Kelsey's office is empty too.
Did she run away with her boyfriend, the big game poacher? She's working from home today.
Pathetic attempt, Liza.
But after this LL Moore fiasco, I can't blame her for making herself scarce.
This upstate vacay will do wonders for you, dude.
Okay, forget about work.
Forget about Zane.
I can't if you keep reminding me.
But hey, forget your emails.
Dude, this will be a healing retreat, okay? Just you and me.
It'll be like an episode of "Girls," except except we like each other.
Whoa.
Was I high, or did I hear you leave, like, two hours ago? I'm taking a mental health day.
Or days.
It's almost the weekend.
What are you talking about? It's Wednesday.
Hey, Hector has loaned us his house on the Hudson, all right? There is a medium hot tub and a hot hot tub.
- Two hot tubs.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
One's for soaking.
One's for stroking.
Hector's words, not mine.
Do you want to join? Kelsey, no! It's girlscation.
I'm sorry; there are no Adams allowed.
It's fine.
Uh Guess my friend here won't be invited either, so Well, actually, you know, it could be kind of handy having a house boy.
Yes! You're hired.
- Yeah! - Give it here.
- Here.
- [laughs.]
[upbeat drum intro.]
[lively jazz music.]
Edwina Dethridge is just an ordinary girl from Poughkeepsie until one day, she discovers she has an identical twin sister who is a queen of an alien race of spiders.
So Edwina is a spider.
No? You ready? Now, Lucky is a washed-up coach in his 50s.
But this is a Millennial story, because the object of his desire is young, like Lolita young, hmm? A girl sees a murder on a bus, but she's a crackhead, so no one believes her.
And her memory's all messed up 'cause of the crack, so it's like maybe she didn't see it; she did it.
So it's like, uh, "Girl on the Train.
" Not at all.
It happens on a bus.
[phone chimes.]
Hi.
Liza, right? Yes, I'm Pauline.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, my God, you must be exhausted.
- [sighs.]
- [laughs.]
I have never been around so much nervous energy, and I've survived two Peppa Pig concerts.
[laughs.]
So I don't know how this works.
- Do I just - Oh, your pitch.
Yes, of course.
Just jump right in.
Okay, um, well my book is kind of "Primates of Park Avenue" meets Nora Ephron's "Heartburn.
" - You had me at "Heartburn.
" - Oh, good.
Roman à clef? Um, sort of, yeah.
Creative Writing 101: Write what you know.
I got married, had kids, did the things you're meant to do.
And I also sort of let my husband steer the ship, which moored us on the Upper East Side, and, whoa, was I out of my depth.
Pickups, drop-offs, hosting and attending charity events.
I had no time to work, even freelance.
So before I knew it, I just lost sight of who I was as a writer, as a woman.
Ugh, it's gonna sound selfish and ungrateful, but married life stifled me.
I just needed to escape.
I mean, I was losing it.
I just needed a break.
I needed a little Marriage vacation.
Yes, you get it.
You totally get it.
But is it too heavy for Millennial? I mean, I read about you guys in "EW"'s "29 under 29," so I know you skew a lot younger.
Would it be more of an Empirical book? You know, actually, I think it could appeal to Millennial readers as a cautionary tale you know, understand what marriage is, go in with eyes open.
Oh, I love that take.
Look, it's just a work in progress.
I don't even have a title yet.
But could I email you some chapters? Yeah, I please.
Please do.
I would love that.
Thank you.
It's so nice to meet you.
Good luck with all these people.
House boy reporting for duty.
[laughs.]
This place is a dump.
Oh, it's the pits.
- There you go.
- Yes.
Are you still working? Don't tell Lauren.
Oh, you creepin', Kels? - What? - Yeah.
God, vain much? Surprise shaman! So I recently graduated from my online shamanic studies course.
Best 40 bucks ever spent, by the way.
And then I went on Darknet, and I ordered everything needed to brew ayahuasca.
- What? - Yes! Now we can finally access the parts of our brains that we're born with and we die with.
Okay, wait, my buddy Sky went and did this in Joshua Tree, and he came back with one blue eye, one brown.
They used to be green.
[gasps.]
Oh.
- Josh? Josh! - No! That shit is sacred, okay? Not to be messed with.
You either do it in Peru or you don't do it at all.
- [phone ringing.]
- You're fired! Liza.
Hey.
Oh, my God, thanks for covering for me.
I'm sure it's a total shitshow.
It is, but I did hear one amazing pitch mature, sophisticated.
I think it could really expand the Millennial brand.
I already have the first couple of chapters.
You want to read? I will, but I'm kind of disconnecting upstate.
Oh, okay.
By yourself? - No, Lauren's here.
- Hi! Hey.
Good, I'm glad you're not alone.
All right, I'll just I'll leave you to it.
Okay, I'll see you in the city.
Uh, why didn't you say Josh was with us? Oh.
Uh no reason.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
- We should just stay here.
- Yup.
I'll get a bar job, commit to my passion for day drinking.
Ooh, yes, and I'll run the ghost tours in Sleepy Hollow.
Josh could open a tattoo shop.
[gasps.]
Dude, I knew it.
You knew what? Wait, clearly, it was my shamanic energy, okay? I have been shipping you two since you moved in together.
I have been offering you up to the universe as a pair bond, and she has heard me.
Namaste! Speak English, please.
You're in love with Josh.
Wha no? Ah, okay, okay.
So wait.
He's in love with you, and you're just what? You're just serving him up some pity clitty.
Yeah, that's sad, Kelsey, but, you know, I've been there.
No, Josh and I are friends.
That's all.
No, no, that is exactly how these things always start, dude.
Have you seen a single Cameron Diaz movie? Listen, I know this is hard for you to understand, but not everyone wants to screw the crew.
[laughs.]
No, it's gonna happen, dude, okay? The universe wills it so.
Yo! Yo.
[laughs.]
You guys got to come inside and see this.
I know I'm super stoned right now, but this is crazy.
It's crazy! [both laughing and coughing.]
Let's go.
Are you ready for this? - They're everywhere.
- What? - Dicks.
- [shrieks.]
Oh, my God! The doorknob's a knob.
[laughs.]
You guys, I knew Hector was a huge Keith Haring fan, but this is next-level willy worship.
[laughing.]
Oh, my God.
It's a members only club.
Oh, my God, it's a penis palace! Yo! There's a bone throne in there.
- A what? - A bone throne.
Oh, my God, that looks painful.
Lauren, get down now.
[phone chimes.]
[elevator dings.]
[knocking at door.]
Come in.
Hey.
Hey.
Never did get around to eating that cupcake yesterday.
Yeah, it's probably hard by now.
I I mean stale.
Dry.
- I don't know what I'm saying.
- You okay? Uh, you seem a little jumpy.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What? I have to tell you something.
Don't talk.
All we do is talk.
[rattling noise.]
What's that? The janitor? Shit, the janitor! Oh, my God.
Hey, George.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't know anyone was still here.
Uh, yeah, just just finishing up.
Oh, yeah, we were I was just telling Charles about this, um, incredible book that I got pitched.
It's first-rate.
Yeah, that that fell.
It's all set.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.
Good night, George.
[laughs.]
Oh, my God.
Pauline Turner? What is this? Oh, um, it's great, actually.
This is by a first-time novelist about a wife who gives up her career to be a mom and then feels suffocated by her own life, so she kind of takes a vacation from her family.
I met her at PitchFest.
What did she look like? Uh, well, um why? Uh, did she look like this? How do you have a picture with Pauline? Because I was married to her.
[laidback music.]
Charles, I am so sorry.
I she Pauline I just I didn't know that she was your She didn't say anything about you.
I have to get home.
I have to I have to read this carefully, call my lawyer.
Uh good night.
Hello? Sorry! Psst! Hey.
What's going on? You can't sleep? - Mm-mm.
- Me either.
It's too quiet out here.
I miss the sound of ambulances and jackhammers.
You know? Oh.
[laughs.]
It was all I could find.
Okay, I'm just gonna drink right from the bottle, if that's okay with you.
So it turns out that running away from your problems is as dumb as it sounds.
Why? - What's going on? - I love my job.
And I could lose it.
You're not gonna lose it.
You're a boss, Kels.
And I'm scared to trust people.
Like, I let Zane in, trusted him, got burned again.
I get that.
I mean, I trusted Liza, Montana.
It's starting to feel like everyone's just out for themselves.
Well, everyone has an agenda.
- I don't.
- Neither do I.
Okay, well, maybe I have a little agenda, but I'm not an asshole about it.
Look.
You are gonna bounce back just fine, all right? You're one of the strongest people I know, so I'm glad you're here.
Yeah, me too.
They say you're doing well You're doing just fine I hear it all the time We can't.
I know.
I'm sorry.
That was a crazy idea.
No, it's not crazy.
[sighs.]
It's just not right.
Yeah.
Good night, Josh.
And I thought it'd get easier It's getting harder to hide Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh [phone buzzing.]
Charles, is everything okay? Yeah, yeah.
I'm I'm sorry, Liza, for that for that very abrupt exit.
But I read I read Pauline's chapters.
Must be awful to have your life mischaracterized in that way.
Well, actually, some of it's pretty honest.
- Oh? - Yeah.
She makes some parallels to to me and and to our marriage, and But I am just trying to figure out what to do next.
Maybe you should call her.
You know, I think I'd rather wait until I've read the whole book, if it's out there.
But look, I will take care of this, and I am I'm very sorry that you got pulled into this, Liza.
And by the way, I don't regret what happened tonight at all, just the way it got interrupted.
Good night.
Good night.
[sighs.]
[groans.]