Buffy the Vampire Slayer s04e08 Episode Script

I was thinking of asking out Buffy.
I've never courted anyone like Buffy before.
I don't think I've ever met anyone like Buffy before.
Um, Buffy Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": Big Bad is back.
And this time The Slayer set me up too.
- Situation? - Gentlemen, suit up.
We have a code red.
Hostile 17 has escaped.
Fail to recapture it, and everything we've worked for - the lnitiative - could end.
Nobody's failin' on my watch.
- My implant? - The implant works.
Hostile 17 can'tharm anyliving creature withoutintense neurologicalpain.
- You're a little peculiar.
- I can live with that.
- Looking for me? - Holy What do you want? - Look who's home.
- Slayer Go back where you came from.
Things were great before you came.
And they say one person can't make a difference.
Of all the duties of a dean, one ofthe most pleasant is to see a colleague realise a dream.
Ladies, gentlemen, students, I present to you Professor Gerhardt ofthe Anthropology Department.
When I first realised we were outgrowing our cultural centre, I was concerned.
Then I realised it was like seeing one's child grow up and move on to better things.
In this case, a spacious new facility to be built on this site.
Look at him.
Have you ever seen anything so masculine? - Dean Guerrero, or his wife? - I think she means Oh.
Very manly.
Not at all Village People.
So much sexier than the outfit from his lastjob.
I miss the free hot dogs on sticks.
I'm imagining having sex with him, right now.
That's why it's appropriate that the groundbreaking for the UC Sunnydale Cultural Partnership Center is taking place so near Thanksgiving.
Because that's what the melting pot is about: contributions from all cultures, making our culture stronger.
- What a load of horse hooey! - We have a counter point? Yeah.
Thanksgiving isn't about blending oftwo cultures.
It's about one culture wiping out another.
And then they make animated specials with the maize and the big, big belt buckles.
They don't show you the scene where all the bison die, and then Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.
For some ofthat you were channelling your mother? Well, yeah, sort of.
That's why she doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving or Columbus Day, the destruction ofthe indigenous peoples.
I know it sounds a little overwrought, but really she's right.
Yeah.
I guess I never really thought about it that way.
With Mom at Aunt Arlene's I'm not getting a Thanksgiving.
Maybe it's just as well.
Well, I think that's a shame.
I love a ritual sacrifice.
Not really a one-of-those.
To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal.
It's a ritual sacrifice - with pie.
.
.
and thus, a symbolic beginning.
What's she doing? Xander said he was gonna dig.
I want to see Xander dig.
- That part's just ceremonial.
- Well, it bites.
She's not rippling at all.
Oh, look.
There he goes.
Look at him.
Very diggy.
Soon he'll be sweating.
I'm imagining having sex with him again.
Imaginary Xander is quite the machine.
What happened? Hey, buddy, are you all right? OK, don't move.
I'm OK! I'm - I'm OK.
- All right.
We'll get you some help.
Where am I OK? While they were pulling Xander out, I heard the anthro professors talking about it.
Man, were they excited.
It's the old Sunnydale Mission, which everyone thought was lost.
Huh? Is there something out there? Oh.
No.
I'm sorry.
A lost mission.
A hairbrush I can understand.
By the way, I will find that and get it back to you.
- But how do you lose a mission? - Huge earthquake in 1812.
Everyone just assumed the mission was levelled.
Instead, they built right over it.
It's like what happened in the '30s with that church the Master was in.
Doesn't it make you wonder what else is there? Right under our feet.
- Mostly, I've found sewers full of demons.
- Oh, right.
- Man, it's crazy out there.
- Post-midterm frenzy.
And the holiday.
Everyone's goin' home.
It looks like a lotta lucky moms are gonna be getting brimming baskets of dirty laundry.
It's so not fair.
I mean, they all get a family holidayjust because they can go home to their families.
It's a turvy-topsy world.
You know what? I should have my own Thanksgiving.
I can cook the meal, have all you guys over.
It'll be great.
Buffy, earlier you agreed with me about Thanksgiving.
It's a sham.
It's all about death.
It is a sham.
But it's a sham with yams.
It's a yam sham.
- You won'tjokey-rhyme your way out ofthis.
- I know.
But I want it.
It's like Professor Walsh was saying about sense memory.
I smell a roasting turkey and I'm eight years old.
I liked having that to look forward to.
Everything's different now.
Well, I suppose there could be slightyams.
I mean, we could definitely use a little comfort food.
I bet Giles doesn't have any plans.
And Xander always avoids his family gatherings.
We could not invite Anya.
I don't know.
She and Xander seem pretty tight lately.
Grumble, grumble.
Look, Pilgrims aside, isn't that the point of Thanksgiving? Everybody has a place to go? Man, I'm beat.
- We'll do one more sweep, then cash it in.
- I gotta pack tonight.
- You got a flight? - Wednesday night.
Professor Walsh wants me here for the debriefing.
That's a short Thanksgiving.
With the hostile loose, we're lucky to be goin' home at all.
It's neutered.
The implant works great.
He can't hurt any living thing.
As long as he knows about the lnitiative, he's a threat.
We do this the professor's way.
Mama's boy.
That's a nasty cough.
You might need to spend the weekend in quarantine.
Oh, no.
I'm done coughing.
I just don't want anyone gettin' sick.
Xander, what are you doing? You're supposed to be digging.
I went to watch you digging, and you weren't there doing it.
I'm going now.
Just kinda tough gettin' going today.
Your head is moist.
Oh! You're sick.
Well, you can't go to work.
- Oh.
Anya - You're pasty and wet and disgusting.
They can dig without you.
I don't really feel that bad.
I inflicted a lot of putrefying diseases on men when I was an avenging demon.
You look like you're getting all ofthem.
OK.
I'll stay.
But you should go.
You could catch it.
Then we'll die together.
It's romantic.
Let me get your trousers off.
You're a strange girlfriend.
I'm a girlfriend? There's a chance I'm delirious.
Ah, yes.
Well, whatever it is that's making you sick, so far I like it.
It's a very exciting opportunity.
I can't wait to go down there myself.
It's just It means we're gonna have to start looking for a new location.
No, it's really up to the dean.
I just hope this doesn't cost us another year.
OK.
Talk to you later.
I'll never get used to this.
One day she's at the Friendship Ceremony, and the next day, she's on the news.
The coroner's office said she was missing an ear.
So I'm thinking maybe we're looking for a witch.
There are some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.
That's one fun little hobby you've got there, Will.
Or maybe an ear-harvesting demon that It's, like, building another demon completely out of ears.
Or Oh.
Thought.
We're just assuming someone else cut offthe ear.
What if it was self-inflicted, like Van Gogh? So she brutally stabbed herself, dumped the body and then cut off her own ear? No.
She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body I'm really off my game, aren't l? Yeah.
Wait.
Something's missing from this case.
- Early 1800 Chumash knife.
There's a picture.
- What's it look like? Pretty darn scary.
It was more like a riot than a Ralphs.
I nearly used slayer moves on a woman who was hoarding the pumpkin pie filling.
And at some point you are going to tell me about the murder? Oh.
Right.
The knife was some sort of lndian artefact.
- Chumash, I think.
That's all we got.
- Oh, the Chumash lndians.
They were indigenous to this whole area.
That's interesting.
Then, of course, the murder weapon might have just been a convenient choice.
Uh-uh.
There was a big scissors right there.
That knife was picked for a reason.
Do you even own a turkey pan? Tell me again why we're not doing this at your house.
Giles, ifyou would like to get by in American society, you have to follow our traditions.
You're the patriarch.
You have to host the festivities.
And this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the cleanup? How about that ceremonial knife, huh? Juicy piece of clueage, don't you think? All right, I'll look into the Chumash connection.
See ifthere's any ritual significance to the ear removal.
Thank you.
- You all right? - Yeah.
I still need to pick up a few things, so I'll check in.
And keep your hands offthe food.
Oh, I'll try and restrain myselffrom eating uncooked potatoes and cranberries.
So, what do you think? She sounds good.
Kind of intense about this Thanksgiving thing.
I think perhaps she's a little lonely.
But I meant about the murder.
Whatever killed the woman in the museum is probably the danger.
This danger Your friend has some ominous vision about Buffy? It's all terribly vague.
There are other things happening.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I can'tjust keep watching.
I'm glad you're watching out for her, but she's not helpless, - and it's not yourjob to keep her safe.
- It's not yours any more either.
Are you gonna walk away? All right.
But I feel we should tell her.
I don't like keeping this secret.
If she knew I was here, it would distract her.
It could get her hurt.
I don't want to get in the way.
I assume there is a connection to the old mission.
Something is angry about being disturbed.
Or it was trapped there and now it's released.
Something with a fondness for ancient weapons? - You know Father Gabriel? - No.
He knows the history ofthis place back to mission times.
- He might be able to fill in some blanks.
- OK.
I'll see about contacting him.
- Where are you going? - To watch her.
It's not fair.
You know that's what she'd say.
You can see her, but she can't see you? Believe me, I'm not gettin' the good half ofthis deal.
To be on the outside looking in at what I can't No.
I'd forgotten how bad it feels.
But you have whipped cream.
I saw it in Giles's fridge.
But that's whipped cream in a canister.
It's only right ifyou whip it yourself.
Hey, and then later we can churn our own butter and make sweaters out of sheep.
OK.
It's the last thing.
I promise.
Besides, I have to see that priest Giles called about.
- Thinks he might have some information.
- Buffy? Hey, Buffy.
Riley.
Where did you come from? I didn't see you at all.
Oh, just across the street.
And a couple of blocks down.
- Hey, Willow.
- Hi.
Well, I'm just gonna let you two Look! They're selling coffee in the coffee shop.
Yum.
Angel! Evil - you're all evil again.
I'm not evil.
I'm here to help Buffy.
- What's goin' on? - My friend had a vision.
Buffy's in danger.
- So tell her.
Help her.
- If she sees me, it'll be worse.
See, I don't get all this "Ieaving for her own good" garbage.
Because that's what it is.
You can'tjust give up because there's obstacles.
- Willow.
- Sorry.
My stuff.
You know how I feel about her.
Ifthere was any way Yeah, I know.
It's just everything's different now.
Hey, is Cordelia really working for you? Of all the people you could've hired Willow, I'm here to protect Buffy.
I don't have a lot oftime for personal stuff.
Right.
Well, how can I help? Well, ifyou can just tell me Who's that guy? It'll be just like when I was a kid.
Only without me building a fort out of mashed potatoes.
- Sounds like fun.
- It will be.
You know, ifyou don't already have plans, you should come.
I'm a great cook - in theory.
I've eaten a lot.
That sounds so great.
But I'm outta here tonight.
I got a last-minute flight to lowa.
Iowa.
That's one ofthe ones in the middle, right? My folks and I always do Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house.
A farm outside Huxley.
- Sounds nice.
- It is.
After dinner, we all go for a walk down by the river with the dogs.
There's trees and And you're thinking it's like I grew up in a Grant Wood painting.
Exactly - if I knew who that was.
Just a guy who painted stuff that looked like where I grew up.
Well, have fun at the homestead.
Always do.
What's the line? "Home's the place that, when you have to go there" ".
.
they have to take you in.
" Get out! - But, babe, this is where I belong.
- Out! I mean it.
I've been doing a lot of reading, and I'm in control of my own power now, so we're through.
You don't mean that.
Yes, I do.
I do.
I mean it a lot.
See? I knew you'd end up welcoming me back with open arms.
No.
I'm powerful and I'm beautiful and I don't need you to complete me.
And you're mean.
You had that in our bed? - Do you know how dangerous that is? - Let's find out.
- You wouldn't.
- You did it to me, remember? All right.
All right.
I'll go.
Just What? Can I have someone to eat? Father Gabriel? Father Gabriel? Father? Are you out here? God - You can't stop me.
- You're very wrong about that.
I am vengeance.
I am my people's cry.
They call for Hus, for the avenging spirit to carve outjustice.
They tell you to start an ear collection? You slaughtered my people.
Now you kill their spirit.
This is a great day for you.
It's clear we're dealing with a spirit of some kind.
It's very common for lndian spirits to change to animal form.
Well, it's plenty uncommon for me to freeze up during a fight.
I had the guy.
I was ready for the takedown and I stopped.
- And "Native American".
- Sorry? We don't say "Indian".
Oh, right.
Yes, yes.
Always behind on the terms.
Still trying not to refer to you lot as "bloody colonials".
And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men: evil.
You know? Straight up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, "my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis" bad.
Not mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.
This spirit warrior - Hus, you called him - has killed innocent people.
OK, we need to boil those and put them through the ricer.
I don't think I have a ricer.
You don't have a ricer? What do you mean? - How could someone not have a ricer? - Well, do you have one at home? I don't know.
What's a ricer? We'll mash them with forks, as the Pilgrims did.
- Did you get the part about innocent people? - Yes.
OK? And I do wanna stop him.
I'd just like to find a non-slayey way to do it.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Peas? - Peas.
- These are frozen.
- What's all that? Atrocities.
I got the full poop on the Chumash lndians and our fabulous buried mission.
- You said you'd get fresh ones.
- Atrocities? Peas.
They come in pods.
You shell them.
I didn't have time.
I was reading about the Chumash war.
The Chumash were peaceful.
Oh, they were fluffy indigenous kittens, till we came along.
- They'll be mushy.
- They won't be.
I like mushy peas.
You're the reason we had Pilgrims in the first place.
So what happened to the Chumash? How about imprisonment, forced labour, herded like animals into a mission full of bad European diseases.
Boy.
The Cultural Partnership Center didn't stress any ofthat stuff.
Not even a diorama.
And it gets better.
The few Chumash who tried to rebel were hanged.
And when a group was accused of stealing cattle, they were killed.
Men, women and children.
And for proof to bring back to their accusers They cut offtheir ears? So Hus wasn't kidding about vengeance.
He's re-creating all the wrongs done to his people.
- Then it's up to us to stop him.
- Yes, but after dinner, right? Are you sure we shouldn't be helping him? No, I think perhaps we won't help the angry spirit with his rape and pillage and murder.
Well, OK, no.
But we should be helping him redress his wrongs.
Bring the atrocities to light.
Ifthe history books are full ofthem, they already are.
- Giving his land back.
- It's not exactly ours to give.
I don't think you wanna help.
I think you just wanna slay the demon, then go "La, la, la".
And I think your sympathy for his plight has blinded you to certain urgent facts.
We have to stop this thing.
- OK, Unfeeling Guy.
- Willow, that's not fair.
I have to baste.
Willow, I have reason to believe that Buffy may be in particular danger from this menace.
You mean Angel? - I saw him too.
- That's not terribly stealthy of him.
I think he's lost his edge.
- But Buffy doesn't know? - No, no.
Not a peep.
That's good.
But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this.
I think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of.
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Xander! - You look like death.
- Are you OK? You didn't bring rolls? The doctor couldn't figure it out.
He said I had a lot of symptoms that didn't connect.
I think they do connect.
What, to this Chumash spirit vengeance guy? Didn't you say the Chumash got all diseased in the mission? Yeah.
This has a better account.
It lists the various Various? As in? Well, the important thing is not to panic.
You just recited the mystical panic-causing incantation, so little hope there.
Let's talk about the various.
Well, they did suffer from malaria, some smallpox - I was gonna say smallpox.
- You know, syphilis - But basically standard - Syphilis? Well But this is probably mystical, and it'll all go away as soon as As soon as what? - We still don't know what we're gonna do.
- Maybe I can find something.
Let's give him some land.
That'll clear everything up.
- Sarcasm accomplishes nothing, Giles.
- It's sort of an end in itself.
Can we come rocketing back to the part about me and my new syphilis? It'll make you blind and insane.
But it won't kill you.
The smallpox will.
Maybe there's a Wiccan spell that can cure it.
Something regular medicine doesn't know about.
Ooh, there was a potion! Sage, salt onion? - That's the stuffing.
- Oh, God.
Oh.
You're gonna get vesicles and pustules.
They have pictures.
- I hate this guy.
- He's just doing what was done to him.
- I didn't give him syphilis.
- You freed his spirit.
And after a century of unrest, he saw you as one of his oppressors.
What, so he rises up and infects the first guy he sees? - That's no fair.
- Like you've never woken up cranky? Why the others? Why them particularly? So we take this guy out.
Buffy, it is for to be slaying sometime soon, yeah? That's sort ofthe question before the court.
Question? - There are two sides to it.
- To slaying him? - Well, the member from Syphilis votes yea.
- It's not that simple.
He's a vengeance demon.
You don't talk to vengeance demons.
You kill them.
- I didn't know you felt that way.
- What? Anyway, he's a spirit, not a demon.
And we've never faced this sort of spirit before.
We don't know what will kill it.
- Again with the killing.
- Figuratively speaking.
Or bind it.
Whatever.
Willow, we all appreciate your perspective.
- Sometimes vengeance is justified.
- You know I didn't mean you.
No one appreciates the truth ofthe situation.
I think we do.
This is no good! It needs more condensed milk.
Buffy, Xander is in danger.
Are you sure the solution is pie? - Over bickering, I'll take pie.
- We will find a solution.
And we will have a nice dinner, OK? Both.
End of story.
I'm going to have Thanksgiving, and it'll be perfect.
Hus won't stop.
Vengeance is never sated, Buffy.
Hatred is a cycle.
All he will do is kill.
Help me.
What part of "help me" do you not understand? The part where I help you.
Come on.
I'm parboiling out here.
- Want me to help make it quicker? - Invite me in.
- No.
- Very unlikely.
Damn it! Look, I'm safe.
I can't bite anyone.
Willow, tell 'em what I did.
You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.
Yes, bad, but let's skip to the part where I couldn't bite you.
It's true.
- He had trouble performing.
- Yeah.
It looks like they've done me for good.
What are you saying? Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more.
I can't bite anything.
I can't even hit people.
So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals.
I've got information - about the soldier boys you were fighting.
I've got the inside scoop.
Come on.
What have you got to be afraid of? First People, who dwell in Mishupashup, hear me and descend.
Walk with me upon ltiashup again.
Hear me also, Nunashush, spirits from below, creatures ofthe night.
Take human form and join the battle.
Bring me my revenge.
Bloody hell, woman! You're cuttin' off my circulation.
- You don't have any circulation.
- Well, it pinches.
- Get over it.
I have more important worries.
- I came to you in friendship.
Well, all right, seething hatred.
But I've got useful information and I'm being mistreated.
So tell me everything you know.
- I'm too hungry to remember everything.
- Then sit.
- How much butter goes in with these? - Half a stick, and a quarter cup of brandy.
You do have brandy, don't you? What? Oh.
Yes.
On the bookcase.
- I wouldn't say no to a brandy.
- What's wrong? The victims.
Apart from Xander, Hus has targeted authority figures.
Father Gabriel, the curator ofthe cultural centre - Who else fits? - Just a small brandy.
Dean Guerrero.
He's the king of us, and he was at the ceremony.
A likely candidate.
We should warn him.
Will, anything in those books about how to stop a Native American spirit guy? Some nice, nonjudgmental way to, you know, kill him? I'm not gonna help you kill him.
I'm not on board.
Will, what choice do we have? Buffy, this isn't a Western.
We're not at Fort Giles with the cavalry coming to save us.
It's one lonely guy.
Oppressed warrior guy, who's just trying to - Kill a lot of people? - Well, I didn't say he was right.
Will, you know how bad I feel about this.
It's eating me up.
A quarter cup and simmer.
But even though it's hard, we have to end this.
Yes, he's been wronged, and I personally would apologise Oh, someone put a stake in me.
You got a lot of volunteers in here.
I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boohooing about the bloody lndians.
- The preferred term - You won.
All right? You came in, killed them and took their land.
That's what conquering nations do.
Caesar did, and he didn't say "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.
" History is not people making friends.
You had better weapons and you massacred them.
End of story.
Well, I think the Spaniards actually did a lot of Not that I don't like Spaniards.
Listen to you.
How are you gonna fight anyone with that attitude? - We don't wanna fight anyone.
- I just wanna have Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
Good luck.
- Ifwe could talk to him - You exterminated his race.
What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here.
Take your bloody pick.
Maybe it's the syphilis talkin', but some ofthat made sense.
I made these points earlier, but it's fine.
No one listens to me.
Fine, OK.
But someone still has to go warn the dean.
- I'll go.
I need the air.
- Not alone.
- I'll go.
- Me too.
- You sure you're up to it? - Oh, leave that one.
He looks like he's ready to drop, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.
- I'm up to it.
- I'll keep on looking for a solution.
Yeah.
Guys, the dean's house is up past the gym.
And hurry! Dinner's in an hour.
- Hey.
When do I get fed? - Later.
I hope the others are OK.
Do you know what happens to vampires who don't get to feed? - I wondered that.
- Giles, plates.
Living skeletons, mate.
Like famine pictures from those dusty countries.
Only not half as funny.
- You can have gravy.
That has blood in it.
- Do you know what else has blood in it? Blood.
Do I have to gag you? Because I won't listen to you whine all through my dinner.
It'll be a nice, quiet, civilised You! Listen, maybe I wasn't clear about how terrible we all feel.
We're trying to help.
- What's goin' on? - It isn't working.
You can have casinos now.
Get down! What about me? You gonna leave me here like this? Hey! Watch the heart.
- That was a waste oftime.
- I think he thought we were crazy.
IfAnya hadn't opened the conversation with "Everybody got both ears?" I liked his wife.
She gave me pie.
- So what do we do now? - We could stay here and stand watch, or Willow.
Angel? So this is Angel.
He's large and glowery, isn't he? - He's evil again.
- I'm not.
Why does everyone think that? - Angel's here to protect Buffy.
- I haven't been evil for a long time.
She's not supposed to know he's here.
Angel, any news? The Chumash weapons are missing from the centre.
Where's Buffy? At Giles'.
She sent us to check on Dean Guerrero.
- Why the Dean? - He may go after someone in charge.
- A leader? - He's a warrior.
To a warrior, the leader means the strongest fighter.
- Buffy.
- He's formed a raiding party.
- We gotta get over there.
- I'll call her.
Get back fast.
Here.
You guys can ride.
Hello? Yes.
Yes, we're well aware ofthat.
We're under siege now, actually.
Thank you.
- Who was that? - A Someone.
We need a plan.
Yes.
Let's talk about it some more.
- Where's your weapons chest? - Over there.
Buffy! Remember that conquering nation thing? Apologise.
- Shut up, Spike.
- Fine.
I'll do it myself.
Hey, sorry.
Sorry about that, chief.
How many? The leader, upstairs.
Two by the living-room windows.
One through the window by the door.
- There's too many.
- We need help.
OK.
One, two, three.
Stop them! Enough! Ow! Bloody hell! - Giles, these guys, they don't die.
- Bit busy over here.
Why won't you die? What's he like when he is evil? Help the others.
Your knife can kill you.
A bear! You made a bear.
- I didn't mean to.
- Undo it! Undo it! Hey, Gentle Ben! Over here! That's for giving me syphilis.
What happened? Did we win?