Doc Martin (2004) s04e08 Episode Script

Better man the barricades, Doc.
Gonna be a busy one.
- How many appointments did you make? - The usual.
But then word got 'round it was your last day.
Looks like you're more popular than you thought.
Uh, have them line up in an orderly queue and get their names and symptoms.
The more information I have up-front, the quicker I can deal with them.
To be honest, the whole system needs a radical overhaul, top to bottom.
- Bit late for that.
- Bit late for you.
- What do you mean? - New doctor's keeping me on.
Ease his way into the transition.
Be a chance to finally do things properly.
This system works fine.
OK, everybody! OK! Uh, seats for those who can't stand.
If there aren't enough seats, sit on the floor.
No pushing, no shoving.
I'll be taking names and giving out numbers.
And one more thing.
Quiet! Genuine medical complaints only.
I've no time for people who just want to chat.
Get that dog out of here! Surgery opens shortly.
Do you have a moment? Good.
I accept your apology.
I see.
So, before you leave, I just wanted you to know that I'm not angry with you.
Right.
Just maybe disappointed.
- I had my reasons.
- Reasons or symptoms? Leaving a hotel isn't a medical condition.
You conquered your blood phobia, but you now have a fear of intimacy.
Or maybe I just didn't want to be with you.
No, don't think so.
I think it runs much deeper.
It really doesn't.
I helped you overcome the haemophobia.
I can help you beat this too.
You just need to show a little backbone, Ellingham.
I'll see you in London.
I think you'll find when you leave this little biscuit-tin town behind, things will seem very different.
Those pre-existing appointments get priority.
Otherwise I'll call out your I'll call out your number when he's ready to see you.
Lovely, just like a raffle.
What will we win? Is it a nice prize? No.
Mrs Wilson, bang on time for her nine o'clock.
Courtesy of Tommy's Taxis.
Cheapest in town.
Mrs Wilson for you, Doc.
I'll wait here for you, love.
All part of the service.
So, how many taxis do you have anyway, Tommy? Just the one.
I'm the owner, the manager and the worker.
So, technically, it should be Tommy's Taxi, not Taxis.
- Are you all right? - Stupid migraine.
Don't suppose you've got a couple of paracetamol? Need more than one to shift it.
Not got four or five in there? Should ask the doc about that.
So you not give me another prescription? Considering you didn't finish the last one, no.
Tommy's got a migraine.
Is it all right if I give him a packet of paracetamol? - How do you know it's a migraine? - 'Cause my head hurts.
Sharp pain, right behind the eye.
Like a left hook from Henry Cooper.
- Been bugging me all week.
- The paracetamol work? - Yeah.
- Wouldn't if it was a migraine.
- How many do you take? - Just two.
If you don't count the couple I had before breakfast one in the middle of the night.
It's dangerous to take too many, toxic for your liver.
Headaches or nausea? No.
How come he gets to go before any of us? I've got number five here.
- What number have you got? - Shut up.
You under any stress? - Aren't we all? - Look straight ahead.
Your pupils are reacting fine.
Any impairment to your vision at all? No.
I don't have time for this, Doc.
Mr Davidson ordered a taxi at 1 0.
30.
If I don't shift it, he'll end up with the competition.
Most headaches pass naturally.
If you feel it coming on, lie down in a darkened room for half an hour and see if that eases the symptoms.
If it doesn't, make an appointment and see the new doctor on Monday.
Pauline, next patient, please.
Number one.
You need a lift to London, doc, don't forget, Tommy's Taxis.
Get the best, cheaper than the - [door closes.]
-rest.
Paronychia.
It's an infection of the nail folds.
Have you had your hands in water for prolonged periods? - Washing up without gloves? Fishing? - Not that I can remember.
Strange.
This is the second case we've had this week.
Do you know a Dan Bleebles? Yeah.
He's my husband's best friend.
This disease is often transferable by holding hands with someone who's got it.
Right.
I see.
You'll need to apply a poultice, and, um, be careful who you hold hands with.
If your symptoms persist, make an appointment and see the new doctor.
Every night, Doc, I'm asleep for two hours and bang, loud noise wakes me up.
Only nobody else hears it.
- It's called exploding head syndrome.
- Oh, my God.
It's just the name.
Correlates to stress or extreme fatigue.
It doesn't mean your head's going to explode.
No, you can't miss the show.
I've been rehearsing those kids for weeks.
- Step, two, three, step and kick.
- I don't have a choice.
The hospital can't fit in my appointment any other time.
- You should have gone private.
- Little bit pricey, then.
Tell me about it.
Everyone's feeling the pinch, aren't they? It's hard.
It's hard times.
- Oh.
- Are you all right, Tasha? Oh, you know what it's like.
It's the last day of term.
It's always a handful.
- But if you're feeling dizzy - No, I'm fine.
I'm just a bit worn out, you know.
Skipped breakfast, and it's the stress of it all.
Harbour Day preparations, and looking after the hubby and the little one.
It's not easy having to do it all.
You'll find that out soon, though, eh? Right, surgery is now closed for lunch.
Please vacate the premises and come back at 2.
00pm.
Hang onto your numbered slips.
If anyone wants to argue, they can hand back their number.
It's a long way to the Wadebridge surgery, so I assume no one wants that.
Come on.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Where are they all going? I shut the surgery down for lunch.
Give you, uh, some space for a bit of a breather.
And weed out any malingerers.
I doubt they'll bother coming back.
That's quite efficient.
Course it is.
Oh! Smell of chip fat's gonna haunt me for weeks.
- Think of the benefits, though.
- I'm not sure we're making enough cash.
No, not the money, son.
The real benefits.
- What, that we smell like a chip shop? - We're recycling the stuff, aren't we? - Helping to save the earth.
- Since when have you cared about that? Always.
I'm eco-friendly me, green as they come.
So if they weren't paying you, you'd still give it to them for nothing? Don't be stupid, no.
They save some money, we make some money.
And Mother Earth, well, she gets to sleep a little easier at night.
drawer, especially not to find glue.
- Very, very silly.
- [school bell rings.]
And dangerous.
Goodness me.
Martin.
- This is a bad time.
- No.
No.
They were making good-luck cards for me.
And some bright spark thought using superglue would be a good idea.
You could pick up some acetone from Mrs Tishell, or nail varnish remover.
- That should do.
Plus soap and water.
- Sorry.
What was it you wanted? - I have something for you.
- Oh, that's very nice of you.
Gregory, you go outside only when you're clean and glue-free.
And while you're waiting, you can think how silly it is to play with glue.
Martin, you couldn't help me, could you? Mmm.
Fine.
Oi, Enough silliness.
If I have any more nonsense from you two, you'll be in big trouble.
Kick, more kick.
Come on, people.
We've only got one more practice and then it's show time.
We've got to reach the peak of our performance.
You've got to focus.
- Are you OK, Miss? - No, I'm not.
Your unprofessionalism is gonna drive me to an early grave.
Come on.
Let's go from the marching.
- [music starts.]
- We can do this.
Two, four, six.
One, two, three, four I think it's important that we have all the financial considerations covered.
For the child.
Well, yes, I assumed that's that's what you meant.
Oh.
So this is what you had for me? It's a spreadsheet of projected expenditure.
I've included a number of post-dated cheques.
Fine.
Uh, Louisa, I think it's important that you check it, so that we are in agreement.
I'm sure you've gone over it and it's all perfectly sensible and logical.
Right.
Well if you do have any questions I said I'm sure it's fine.
I appreciate that you may be somewhat upset with me.
I'm not, really.
I I I just I just feel sorry for you.
First child, that special moment when you get to hold it and see its face for the first time, form a bond and Well, there actually have been a number of studies that show that the baby does So is that it, then? Is there anything else? No, that's everything.
Unless you have any problems or questions about the birth process They have doctors at the hospital.
I'm sure they'll be perfectly capable of helping.
Yes, I was just trying to say I'm expressing concern for your welfare.
I'd better get back, then, before they find something even worse than superglue to play with.
Good luck, then, with your move.
Yes, you too.
I mean I wish you all the best.
Is she your girlfriend? No.
- How tall are you? - [dog barks.]
- Why do you look so sad? - Glad I caught you, Doc.
- You've met the little 'un.
- Yes.
I brought your costume.
Mum told you to stick it in your bag last night.
- Susie Forgetfulhead.
- Ta.
Bye.
Idea for you, Doc.
Instead of me lying in a darkened room, I thought sunnies.
- Pretty smart, eh? - No, not smart.
Not effective, either.
At least I look good in 'em.
I can't take time off.
If I don't work, Doc, I don't get paid.
My company, my car, me the driver.
I've got bills, big bills.
We can't all go swanning around in a suit.
Stalls to the left, chairs to the right.
My left, not your left.
- I mean, right.
My right.
- Pauline.
Yeah, yeah.
Still got ten minutes before lunch is over.
So I was thinking, tonight, me and you, a drink.
Sort of a farewell to the dynamic duo.
You know, Butch and Sundance.
Bodie and Doyle.
- Eric and Morecambe.
- No.
- After tomorrow, you won't be around.
- Yes, I'm aware of that.
That's probably for the best.
Avoid messy emotions.
Clean break.
Careful.
Careful.
That's a sure-fire invitation for a slipped disc.
Straight back.
- Give us a hand.
- You should have learnt that.
I don't want to add you to my list of patients.
Thanks for your help, Doc! Know we can count on you.
We'll miss him, though, won't we, our doc? Yeah, probably not.
Come on.
It's been killing me recently, both day and night.
Right, roll over.
Have you been lifting heavy weights? No.
Retired now, aren't l? Live on me own.
When I think of all the girls I could've married.
Stop talking.
- What's that bulge? - What bulge? - That bulge.
- Ah, nothing.
Why do you keep a cricket ball in your trousers? - Actually, it was in my pants.
- All right, your pants.
Why? Well, I had a truss for my hernia, to provide support.
But it wore out.
So I just use a cricket ball to keep it in.
Why don't you just replace the truss? Nah, it's always better to do things yourself.
No, it isn't.
- You think I'm an idiot, don't you? - I didn't say that.
It's written all over your face.
Small-town yokel.
Don't know his arse from his elbow.
Stuffing a cricket ball down your pants to easy a condition of your own isn't in itself a mad thing to do.
I've seen worse in my time here.
But it's increased the pressure and caused you pain.
- So, yes, I do think you're an idiot.
- Told you.
- [grunts.]
- [Pauline.]
Bye.
So, that was the last patient.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
Pauline, we've worked together here for a number of years, and I just want to say, um, good luck.
- So are we done, then, Doc? - Mmm, yes.
Um You look like you wanna say something else.
Well, just that, um - Yeah? - I appreciate the help you've given me.
Thank God.
I thought you were gonna say you were in love with me.
- What? - All that bumbling around.
- Getting all nervous.
- That's absurd! Not really.
We have worked together for a long time.
And, um I've seen those little glances you give me.
Always asking me to work late, accidentally brushing your hand against mine.
I didn't! Are you sure you'll be fine in London? I mean, with the whole blood thing.
I won't be around to do it when you're hiding in the corner like a little girl.
I'll be fine.
Thank you, Pauline.
Goodbye.
Thought you could use some company.
- And something to eat.
- Well, I'm just finishing off packing.
I was hoping to spend some time with you before you go, Marti.
I didn't mean it like that.
Strange to think this time tomorrow you'll be back in London.
It's not that strange.
Will you miss us? I'll miss you, of course.
And I'm concerned for your financial situation.
Oh, well, hopefully the bed and breakfast business will help with that.
If it doesn't and you'd like some assistance Thank you, but I've been through worse and come out smiling.
That's life, isn't it, Marti? Sometimes we have to face up to our responsibilities.
- No matter how difficult they seem.
- I take it you're talking about Louisa? I am.
When are you planning to come back to see her? It won't be long before the baby's born.
I'm not sure when I can get away.
Surely you want to see your own child as soon as possible.
I really must get on with this packing.
All right.
I won't say another word.
I'll just pop this in the oven and then we can have our own little last supper.
I said careful.
When you've got some patient with a headache, d'you ring us up for advice? - Course he doesn't.
- No.
Just let us do what we do best.
- All right? - Oh, God.
Sorry, Doc.
Do that again.
- What are you doing? - Getting ready for the new doctor.
Of course, yes.
I'm going to add a comments book for the patients so there's a decent level of feedback between them and us.
- It's a surgery, not a knitting circle.
- Where's your desk? - It's in the removal van.
- And where's mine? - It's here.
- Exactly.
So, shh.
- Just a few left now.
- Fine.
What? Uh, there's something I wanted to talk to you about, before we left.
- What? - It's, um medical.
He's finished.
Come back Monday or head over to Wadebridge.
It's fine.
Come through.
What's the problem? Well, the thing is, Doc, my wife's pregnant.
And I wanna know if I'm gonna be around to see our little one grow up.
- Why wouldn't you be? - This.
It's cancer, isn't it? How long have I got left? A year? Two? Bloody hell.
You know it's bad when even the doctor has to look it up in a book.
It's a ganglion, a cyst of the joint.
Hold your hand up.
Let me see.
There are still boxes in this room.
Dr Ellingham.
Oh, I was just thinking about you.
I needed to come and see you before I left.
I have an outstanding bill to settle.
Oh, yes.
Of course.
So London.
Must be nice this time of year.
I've never been there myself.
I'd love to go.
Of course, not much fun by yourself.
I'd need someone to to invite me.
- It's the 14th, isn't it? - Yes.
Well I know you'll probably be embarrassed by this, but l I got you a little farewell gift.
Oh.
That's generous.
No, not really.
It was just a little something I knocked up.
- It's a jumper.
- Ah.
It says Martin on it.
Yes.
Martin.
- Thank you.
- It was a pleasure.
Goodbye, Martin! That's it.
We're off.
What's happening? Whoo-hoo! Oh, that's it.
- [girl.]
Are we standing here? - Yeah.
- Is everything all right? - Oh, yeah, everything's great.
Do you know what the attention span of your average schoolchild is? Can you imagine what it's like teaching them even the most basic of routines? to a goldfish.
Your speech is slurred.
Have you been drinking? - No, I never touch it.
- Are you feeling light-headed or dizzy? It's nothing.
I've always suffered from low blood pressure, if you must know.
Just another burden I have to bear.
It's not easy being an artiste in this town.
If your symptoms persist, see the new doctor.
Actually, you should just see the new doctor.
If it gets you out of my way, I'll do that, then.
Come on, kids.
Come on, my lovelies.
Whoo-hoo! What's happening? - What's that you've got there? - Mind your own business.
Shoo.
- What does "shoo" mean? - It means go away.
Why didn't you say go away, then? Go away.
Everything all right? I'm just waiting for a taxi.
I've got a check-up at three.
You should have said.
I'd have been happy to give you a lift.
I know and I'm grateful, but I need to start being a bit more independent and look after myself.
Well, if you do need anything Sure, yeah.
Thank you.
Bye, Joan.
I'll take that.
That's valuable.
- Hey, we are professionals, you know.
- Yes.
You ready to hit the road, then, Doc? Yes.
I'll just have one last look, make sure I haven't forgotten anything.
That could be classed as an offensive weapon.
Special Harbour Day cocktails available here.
Patented Large & Son secret recipe.
Buy two, get one free.
- Lemonade, thank you.
- On the house for you, sir.
Can't accept freebies, Mr Large.
It's not exactly a secret recipe, unless vodka and cranberry's a secret.
Got a licence to sell alcohol in a public area? - Absolutely.
- Yes.
Sorry.
Now, kids, this is one of the most important moments of your life.
The Harbour Day dance.
A day you will never forget.
Each one of you is an important cog in our lovely machine.
Apart from you, Susie.
I'm gonna have to drop you back to the ensemble.
What? Well, the thing is, the main dancer has to have the style and the grace to carry the audience into our world.
- I'm afraid you're just not cutting it.
- Mum! But don't you worry, because I'm gonna take the part myself.
I'd rather not obviously, but, you know, desperate times and all that.
Anyway, come on.
Let's get on our feet, have our usual warm-up.
Hup two, hup two.
Come on, with the arms as well.
That's it.
That's it.
Keep going.
We ready, then? Yes.
Yes, we can go now.
Hey, Doc.
Looks like someone wants to say goodbye to you.
Oh, go away.
Oh, I'm glad I caught you.
Not right to leave without someone to wave you off.
Bye, Martin.
Oh, God! Disgusting animal.
Buddy! Bad boy.
Bad boy.
She's a bit big for a school kid, isn't she? Can't dance, either.
There goes the doc.
It's OK, I'm here.
Nobody panic.
I have the situation under control.
Out of the way! Out of the way! All right, out of the way.
The dynamic duo back together again, eh? - Can you hear me? - Yeah.
- You had a nasty fall.
- [groans.]
Got low blood pressure.
Get a chair.
- There you go, Doc.
- Not there.
For her.
That's it.
- How bad is it, Doc? - Give me some space.
You heard the man.
Space! Out of the way! - Is she all right? - [Martin.]
No.
How did you feel before you fell? I was dancing like an angel.
- What's wrong with her? - It's difficult to tell.
Something's happened to the part of her brain that controls speech and balance.
Don't worry.
Me and the doc have got the situation under control.
I thought it was stress.
Tommy says I take on too much.
Tommy? Tommy who? Tommy's Taxis? He's my hubby.
Have you been getting headaches like him? Could you have you ingested any poisonous substances in the last 24 hours? Do you help clean the taxis? Could you have you drunk some windscreen wash? What's wrong with me, Doc? Your symptoms would suggest some sort of poisoning.
Pauline, call an ambulance.
Um, Doc.
Um, would biofuel, would that be a hazardous substance? Yes.
Why? - Don't shout at us, Doc.
- Dad was selling the chip fat to Tommy.
- They were making their own taxi fuel.
- Saving money and helping the planet.
And stupidly ignoring the dangers of inhaling methanol fumes.
- You promised you wouldn't shout at us.
- No, I didn't.
I need some alcohol.
Got to stay focused, Doc.
Although a cold beer would go down a treat.
You idiot.
It stops the body converting the methanol to formaldehyde, which is a poison.
Uh, we got some on the stall, Doc.
- The purer the better.
- I'll go.
- Vodka, yeah? - That'll do.
Is her husband involved in making the biofuels? Tommy told us not tell anyone because his competitors would find out and he couldn't be the best and cheaper than the rest.
Marti, Louisa was waiting for a taxi to take her to the hospital.
- What firm did she use? - Well, I don't know.
But it could have been Tommy's Taxis.
- Hello? - Louisa, are you in a Tommy's Taxi? - What? - Are you in a Tommy's Taxi?! - Yes.
Why? - Get the - [phone cutting out.]
- Martin? Hello? - Hello? - What?! No charge.
Damn things don't work out here.
Black spot.
- Mmm.
Here you are, Doc.
- Hmm? Right.
Right, Pauline.
I want you to hold this.
Keep administering the alcohol.
But don't overdo it.
- 25 millilitres? - Same as you put in a gin and tonic.
OK.
That's on the house, Doc.
- Yeah, hello? - Louisa, where are you? - Martin? - Where are you? Are you in that taxi? Well, yeah.
We're We're about halfway to the hospital.
- Where exactly? - OK, no need to snap.
We've just gone past the old quarry, quarry entrance, which by the Snowing.
Why's it snowing? Well Well, it's not.
I can't see a bloody thing.
God! Tommy? Tommy! Tommy! Louisa! - What are you doing? - I needed a wee.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm a bit shaken.
But it's Tommy.
He's breathing, but I can't wake him up.
- Are you in any pain or discomfort? - I think Tommy's more urgent than me.
- But you're sure you're all right? - Yes.
I told you, yes.
Where's the nearest pub? Shouldn't we be looking for a hospital? He needs alcohol as soon as possible.
Do you know or don't you? No.
- [man.]
You got it? - [woman.]
Gently does it.
- [phone rings.]
- [man.]
We'll get you in.
- [woman.]
Secure it down.
- Doc.
Pauline.
I'm about five miles east of Portwenn on the Truro road by the moor.
- Where's the nearest pub? - Um There's the Coach and Four a few miles up the road.
Get an ambulance to meet me there.
Right.
Doc, I can still hear you.
Doc.
Hello? You gotta hang up.
God.
He has no idea how to use the phone properly.
But what's What's wrong with him? Methanol poisoning.
- Possible concussion.
- Right.
Let me give you a hand.
No! Not Not in your condition.
- You're not making a good job of it.
- I can manage! Sure you're all right? You'd say if you had any small aches or pains? I'm not the one you should be worrying about.
You're pregnant and you've been in a car accident.
Martin, what's gonna happen to him? If he doesn't get the right treatment, acidosis, blindness, potentially death.
- What's happening? - [Al.]
Have they reached the pub yet? - How's Louisa? - Has the doc mentioned me at all? Will you all please shut up? I can't hear them.
She's telling him off for dropping Tommy again.
He's saying he's not doing it on purpose.
I'm just saying you need to be more careful.
Yes, I'm trying! Thank you.
Right, vodka, straight.
Quick as you can.
- I think he's had enough.
- This man needs alcohol now.
- And she shouldn't be drinking.
- I'm a doctor.
It's not one rule for you and one for everyone else.
Shut up and listen to me.
Unless that man gets alcohol into his bloodstream immediately, he may die.
Either you get it for me, or I'll be forced to come round and get it myself, you officious little oaf.
Vodka.
A whole bottle.
"Or I'll be forced to come round and get it myself, you officious little oaf.
" Uh, maybe I should be the one listening in.
After all, I do have authority.
Don't grab it.
It's my jurisdiction.
- Great.
I missed a bit.
- Here, try this.
- [Martin.]
He's coming round.
- [Tommy grunts.]
- You've got to drink it.
- I don't want it.
You don't have any choice, you selfish pig.
- Open your mouth.
That's it.
- [Tommy grunts.]
No! Maybe you should calm down, Martin.
Idiots like this think they can do what they want so long as they're saving money, leaving me to clean up their mess.
- He didn't know this was gonna happen.
- He didn't think.
People make mistakes.
People make a mess of things.
It's called being human.
Most of them learn from that.
Unlike some people.
I need a seat.
Here, here.
No, I'm fine.
Actually, no, I'm not.
- You hurt your back? - No, no.
The contractions have started.
- Ow! - Are you sure? - Of course I'm sure.
Ow! Ow! - All right, don't panic.
I'm not.
- [Martin.]
Stay calm! - [Louisa.]
I am.
Don't shout at me! - Oh! - We need a basin of some sort.
Come on.
Quickly, now.
- Got a call about methanol poisoning.
- He is relatively stable now.
She, however, is not.
Baby.
- What? - She's having her baby! No, your baby! Um, I assume you've got scissors and gloves in your bag.
- We don't have any sterile underlay.
- We might have something.
Might?! Might's no good! You either do or you don't! - God! Useless! - I can't do this.
Take a seat.
Right.
Now, is this your first baby? - Yes, it is.
- Are you fit and well? - Yes, she is.
- Don't worry.
We'll get your baby out safely.
I just need to feel where baby's head is.
- How far apart are the contractions? - I don't know.
They just started.
Any sensation of rectal pressure or the urge to push? Martin, stop bombarding me with questions.
It's important we know what stage the labour is at.
- We're just getting to that.
- Get to that quicker, then! Right, enough! Martin, I want you to wait outside! What? Really.
I really do.
Please.
Oh! - I'll be right outside here.
- Give us a hand with the patient.
- I'll be just out here if you need me.
- [groans.]
Monitor his progress carefully.
Morbidity rates relate directly to the time of consumption.
I know how to do my job.
Bit of advice, mate.
The less you speak, the better it is for everyone, all right? Legs up, mate.
Come on.
Pull your knees up to your chest and spread them apart when you feel like pushing! Thank you, Martin.
I know that.
And make sure your back and your neck are properly supported! Yes, Martin! - She shouldn't have kicked him out.
- He should learn to zip it.
Why doesn't he just tell her how he feels? Stupid boy.
She'll change her mind.
You know what she's like.
She'll want him there.
I told you, Martin! Stay out! Slowly, now.
Just push when I say.
- Do you think I did the wrong thing? - Push! - I mean, it is his baby, after all! - You can't worry about that now.
There's more pressing matters.
This baby's coming fast.
Push! - I've changed my mind! - It's too late for that now.
This baby is coming whether you want it to or not.
No, I mean about him! Let him in.
Look, I know you don't want me in here, but I have to tell you I was wrong.
Please, come here.
I was wrong about you, about leaving, about everything.
When I saw that taxi, I feared the worst.
I can't take much more of this.
When I was born, I didn't hang around.
Plop! Out like that.
I can see the head.
Come on, now.
Keep going.
You're doing great.
Again.
Push.
One more.
Come on, now.
Push.
Big one.
It's not too late to have a bet on the baby's name.
Jo's been surprisingly popular at three to one.
Vivian at twelve.
- Bert is at fifteen to two.
- Not now, Bert.
Honestly.
And Martin, 500 to one! - Ooh! - One more now.
Push! Again.
Push.
Big one.
Congratulations.
It's a boy.
- [cheering.]
- It's a boy! It's a boy! It's a boy! Oh! Oh, yes.
Oh.
Martin.
Just a minute.
He has a little problem with blood.
Sorry about that.
Do you wanna hold him? Um No.
- No, of course not.
- Um I mean, he's a baby.
I might drop him or do something wrong.
I don't think I'm very good with babies.
You could learn.
Yes, I could.
Oh! Don't worry.
You'll get used to him eventually.
Isn't he beautiful, though? Head's a bit misshapen.
Martin.
The pressure in the birth canal squeezes the plates of the skull together so it can pass through.
Should rectify itself in six weeks or so.
If not, he might need a small procedure.
What?