Everybody Loves Raymond s04e08 Episode Script

- Hey.
- Hey.
- How's your class? - Oh, it's good.
Really good.
Good.
All right.
I gotta go.
Oh, listen, Parkers said that the party's gonna be over at 2:00, so you can pick up the kids anytime after that.
- Okay.
- All right, I'll see you later.
- What was that? - Nothing, you said goodbye, so you know, goodbye.
Oh, wha what are you doing? Bye.
Goodbye.
I'm going golfing.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, it's not fair! You know I love golfing.
I don't get to golf very often.
All right.
Oh, don't make me choose.
It's not fair! - It's probably gonna rain.
- Yeah.
Hey, Nemo.
Pizza ready? Look at this.
What the hell? Oh, hey! Hey, guys.
Hey, moron.
Where were you today? Whoa whoa, how come you're not golfing? We waited for your big nose for an hour.
Then we couldn't play because the tournament was starting.
Nice work, big nose! Oh, man.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I just had to do something at the house, you know? I just had to I had to do that something.
We kept calling.
Why didn't you pick up the phone? Yeah, I know, but I couldn't hear it 'cause I was fixing the dryer.
The the that damn the basin of it, it's all out of its hoop.
What, are you trying to lie or something? All right, guys, listen I'm sorry.
I couldn't make it this morning, because Debra and I, we just, you know, we couldn't get out of bed.
- Oh, for crying out loud.
- No, but listen! I didn't want to.
I was ready to go.
I was ready to go.
We were there, we were in the kitchen All right, Ray, look, we don't need to hear the details.
I bought new balls and shoes.
He owes me details.
Listen, junior high, shut up with the details.
It's his wife.
And Ray, sex over golf? It's your wife! Here's the pie, Ray.
You guys gonna order, or you just gonna color the placemats? No no no.
Don't order anything, guys.
Look, let me make it up to you, huh? Let's have my pizza, huh? My family's pizza I give to you.
Free! Come on, free pizza.
- We're gonna need drinks.
- Yeah.
Yeah yeah, Suzy, small sodas for everybody.
Come on, guys.
Dig in.
All right.
So you had a busy morning.
Did you remember how to do everything or did you have to consult the manual? Hey! You wanna know something? You're not gonna believe this.
Third time this week.
That's a Barone record.
Three times? Get outta here.
- No way.
- Three times.
Tuesday, Thursday, today.
I think you're confusing sex with showering.
So how come you're becoming so popular? I don't know.
Just happening.
What, are you doing something different? You talking to her more? Paying more attention to her? No.
Maybe it's your technique.
- Have you learned some new moves? - No.
Moves? What do I got? I got fast-forward and the stall.
Well, you've got to be doing something different.
No, although the only thing I can think of, I got this pulled muscle in my ribcage, you know? So lately, everything I do I'm favoring my left side.
- So? - I don't know.
Maybe I'm just like accentuating some emphasis at a different angle.
Maybe she just doesn't want you playing golf.
What do you mean? Think about it, Ray.
She's jealous.
She hates when you play golf.
She'll do anything to stop it.
Even if it means having sex with you.
- That's it, he's right! - No, that's not it.
That's not what about Tuesday and Thursday? That's probably part of her plan.
I'll have sex with him Tuesday and Thursday and he'll be none the wiser.
Yeah.
Sorry.
That's not it, all right? - It's the new action.
- Yeah, right.
Hey Rob, do me a favor, I might get lucky tonight.
Punch me in the ribs.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing? I'm brushing my teeth.
Oh.
- So, that was a first, huh? - What's that? This morning, making me miss golf like that.
Didn't seem like you missed it.
Ha! I didn't, no.
Hey, look, this morning, - you weren't just doing that - You know what I was thinking? Why don't you make it up to the guys tomorrow? Yeah, all right.
What do you mean? Go golfing tomorrow.
You you want me to go golfing tomorrow? I mean, you did kind of ruin their plans today.
You should go golfing.
I'll take the kids to the park.
Oh, you're the best! # Going golfing tomorrow! # - I'm gonna go watch the news.
- Okay.
That's the same kiss from this morning.
Oh? No Why not? Yes! Why not! Oh, you're really liking me a lot this week.
- I'll be in the bedroom.
- Okay, don't start without me.
I won't.
Oh, yeah! - Hey, what's this thing here? - What? This thing with the muscle man on it.
Oh, that's from my gym.
That's my new aerobics instructor.
Nick Bronson.
Does that guy teach or does he just model? No no, he's really great.
As a matter of fact, I took his class three times this week.
Three times? Yeah, Tuesday, Thursday, and this morning.
So? Oh.
Yeah, I don't know.
Actually my ribs are bothering me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How long is the mirror in your apartment? Ma is sewing up my uniform.
Left pant leg got all shredded on a call.
These damn people with raccoons as pets! Never works out.
- So what's going on with you? - No, you know, nothing.
- Listen, Robert.
- Yeah.
Do you ever Do you ever have a hamburger, and the whole time you're eating it you're imagining that it's a steak? I have.
Yes, I have.
Who's this? That's the steak.
What? I think this guy is the reason that I'm having more sex.
But before we go any further I'd like to put my pants on.
Listen that's Debra's aerobics instructor.
She took his class three times last week.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, three times.
Three times she watched this guy muscle around and gyrate it up.
Okay, and guess what days? Oh! So all this time you're thinking it's you making her hot.
Turns out she's coming home preheated.
- It's not funny, Robert.
- No, it is a little funny.
See, only you would think a rib injury would turn you into a love machine.
# And it don't work for nobody but you.
# I know, all right? Shut up! Here, your pants are holding up my eggs.
Oh, Frank, I still need to iron these! Why don't you sew a diaper in there while you're at it too? - Raymond, dear, are you hungry? - No.
No, no, I'm just talking to Robert.
- What, are you bragging? - What? Robert told me about you and happy hips over there.
Oh, great! That's just great, Robert.
Sounds like somebody's trying to earn some jewelry.
Listen, it's none of my business, but I think maybe this might be Deborah's way - of trying to compensate.
- How so, Ma? Well, if you can't cook in the kitchen Okay, goodbye.
You guys are way off.
Look at that.
- What are you - Holy crap! That's Debra's aerobics instructor.
She watches him flex all around and then she goes home all inspired.
Why do you do that? Why do you tell Mom and Dad things like that, huh? My personal things.
Why why why why? Brings us closer.
What are you so upset about? Sound like Mr.
Muscle here is saving you some prep work.
I don't like that, Frank.
And I have to say, Raymond, I think that Debra is playing a very dangerous game.
Oh, what are you talking about? Who cares where she gets her appetite as long as she has her meal at home? Stop stop! Raymond, you have to get Debra out of this class right now.
Why? This guy is helping out! Maybe Ray doesn't have what it takes to get Debra's motor running.
Raymond's got plenty! Thank you! Mom! Huh! Hey, this is a good-looking guy! What? He's like a gladiator.
Come on, Robert.
You can't say this isn't a handsome man.
Ma, please.
I really need my pants.
- Hey.
- Hey! What are you doing here? I thought you were gonna pick me up at 2:00.
I know, but I thought maybe we could go out and get something to eat.
Okay, great.
But I'm gonna be another 45 minutes.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, Nick! So who's ready to sweat? Listen, I think we can go to Tutto Bene's you know.
But I don't have reservations, so why don't we just go now? - No no.
- Hi! Are you gonna take the class today? Maybe.
No, you're not! Well, there's an extra space in case you decide to stay.
Mm.
What, you're not taking the class? Maybe I will.
- Why, would that ruin it for you? - No, I mean, I don't care.
You do what you want.
Okay, guys, what do you say we start with a quick warmup? Okay, beat steps, and five, six, seven, eight.
Are we gonna do 40 minutes of this? Really? Come on.
Ray, would you be quiet.
Why don't you just wait for me outside? I can't believe you pay money for this.
You know we got a flight of stairs at home.
Ray, would you shush? And grapevines.
Here we go.
- Ow! - Sorry, sorry.
- You feeling it? - Yeah! - I can't hear ya! - Yeah! Bring it on! - What's with you? - Nothing, I'm in the zone.
Hey, looking good, Debra, looking good.
Okay, guys, knee lifts.
Ready? Count it down.
And five, six, seven, eight.
Come on, man.
What's the matter? Around the world, here we go.
I'll be in the juice bar.
I guess I'm not aerobically gifted.
That's okay, a lot of people break the boombox on their first time out.
Yeah, that's funny.
You wanna have sex? - What? - Yeah.
I mean, the kids aren't home and the honeymoon suite is vacant.
Oh! No, not right now.
Why? Um, you know, I'm just not really in the mood right now.
Why, 'cause you missed the class? Missed the class? No, I'm just, you know, not in the mood.
Why? What, are you seven? How many times are you gonna ask me why? Just until you really tell me why.
Okay, because the kids are gonna be home any minute, I have a sink full of dishes and I why do I have to explain it? I'm just not in the mood! How about now? - Yeah.
Huh? - What? Are you in the mood now, huh? Huh? Kick, one two, kick, one two.
Kick, one two.
I'm a maniac, maniac.
- Ah, now I'm in the mood.
- Yeah.
- I know, I know all about it.
- All about what? Every time you go to the class you're getting all turned on by Hunky Joe, right? And you come home to me to put out the fire.
Are you out of your mind? Looking good, Debra.
Looking good.
What, so you're getting all paranoid because we had a little extra sex last Three times! Three times, right? You don't think that's out of the ordinary? I'm surprised it wasn't on the news.
So you think I'm cheating on you with you? Put it however you want.
You know what you're doing.
You what? I'm tired.
Could you just call yourself an idiot? Yeah.
You know I'm right, right? How would you like it if I did that to you? Oh, please! What about every year when that stupid swimsuit issue arrives? I know I'm not gonna be getting much sleep that night.
- Why is that, Ray? - That's not true.
That's not true.
Don't try to make that like this.
What about the naked channel that you're always trying to check to see if they forgot to scramble it? - That's I'm not checking it! - Oh no? It's on the way to the Travel Channel.
Who's the one in the bedroom with all the little character suggestions, huh? "I'm the stock-boy and you can't reach the sauce.
" Or "Ooh, come to bed with a limp.
" Look, that isn't the same, all right? - You can't compare that.
- Why is that? Because none of those things are real, okay? They're all make-believe, they're games! This guy is real! He's flesh and blood and sweat and muscles, okay? And I don't like it! I don't like it! Ray, did it ever occur to you that taking aerobics classes makes me feel better about myself? Yeah, so if I feel better about myself, I feel better about a lot of other things too.
- Yeah, but that guy - That guy teaches class, that's all.
- That's all? - That's it.
You know, I've seen good-looking men before.
Where? All you ever do is complain about how little sex we have, and last week we had more than enough and all it did was make you suspicious.
I don't know.
I'm an idiot, I guess.
My idiot.
Yeah.
There's that kiss again.
How about that? The kids are gonna be home in 15 minutes.
Oh, good, then we'll have time for a nap too.
But what about the garbage? - Just leave it.
- Oh, you're dirty! - Hey.
- Hey.
- You're here again? - Yeah.
I just I wanted to bring Hunky Joe a new boombox.
- He's not teaching class today.
- What? - Hi, everybody! - Hey! Everybody ready to move? Here we go.
Five, six, seven, eight.
You now, I'm feeling better about myself.