Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e08 Episode Script

New bulletin, Amaar? Yeah, the mosque is having a rummage sale.
- Exciting, eh? - You betcha! - You're lying.
- You betcha! Ah, the church is having a rummage sale.
Yes, I can't believe it's come to this.
Rummage sales and soap box derbies.
- I'm a man of God.
- We both are.
You're all right, Amaar.
You're all right.
I just wish there was someone who could help out with all the publicity and planning.
Ahem! I know.
I could use some help promoting the mosque, but where are you going to find someone like that? - Ahem! - Especially in this town.
Ahem! Sarah, are you okay? Of course.
She does public relations! - I do! - Ohh! And you would have time to help out a friend? Always.
Besides, the Mayor's on vacation, so I'm wide open.
Well, I guess the next question is, - when can you start? - Right away.
- Excellent! - Excellent! On behalf of Mercy Anglican, welcome aboard.
- Wait.
What? - This is so exciting! Walk with me, talk with me.
Ahem! Amaar? Well, I thought you could help the mosque.
Oh, Amaar.
If only you'd asked first.
Season 4 Episode 8 Saving Sarah Hamoudi - And what are you doing? - Ah, I'm working on ways - to improve the mosque's image.
- Ooh You could start by burning that sweater.
I can't.
It was a present from sister Mufeeda.
Okay? I know it's a little loud.
What? I couldn't hear you over the sound of ugly.
She wanted to thank me for my advice.
I don't want to hurt her feelings.
We are very different people, you and I.
Mufeeda! What were you thinking? - That sweater is an abomination! - Shh-h-h! No! Maybe I'm just over-analyzing this.
Maybe I just need to let it go and see what comes to me, you know? Uh Mosque.
Image, image, picture, photo, news, news launch, space launch, a rocket launch, Mars rocket, Martians, aliens, illegal aliens, jail, hard time, hard candy! Cavity, X-ray image, image no.
Damn, this is harder than it looks.
Wait, wait, wait! Mosque, image Damn.
Why don't you get my mom to help? She's pretty good at this PR stuff.
Yeah, thanks.
Thorne already has her launching a new PR campaign for the church.
- The mosque has to compete.
- Give up now.
Why? How good is your mom? "Mercy Anglican.
So it is written.
" That's that's clever, huh? "So it is written"! That's a good one.
My mom's very good.
Yeah but, uh, advertising on pens, how good could that be? You know, I'm going to go to church.
I figure the slogans are this catchy - Amaar - I know.
We've got to get Sarah to help us too.
Oh, I don't know about that, I'm just begging you, burn the sweater! Okay, shh! Darling! what are you doing here? - Layla is driving me crazy.
- Really? - I don't know what to do.
- Why don't you send her home? It's an option most parents dream about.
She doesn't want to go home.
And I don't want to admit I failed, especially not in front of you-know-who.
- No.
Who? - Baber! Salaam alaikum.
Ah, Rayyan, Walaikum assalaam.
So, uh, how is my Layla? Good.
Very good.
We're two peas in a pod.
- Me too.
I am one pea in a pod.
- Oh.
I am enjoying my time alone.
Um, for example, did you know there are full meals that come frozen in their own trays? That's a revolution in fine dining! - Hah! - And did you know, my shalwar kameez dries wrinkle-free when I put it on wet? Huh! A self-drying shirt.
What will they think of next? Huh I am glad Layla is living with you, very glad.
Oh, well, that makes me glad too.
Then I am awash in gladness for both of us! And I'm glad that everyone is so glad.
Oh! I am one pea in a pod! How can I be glad? I'm one lonely pea in a two-bedroom pod! Oh, Baber.
There, there.
Your shirt's wet.
I told you.
Okay.
Okay, let's work it.
Work it.
Now, give me sad.
Yeah, that's it.
Now now give me happy! Okay, good.
Now now You're sad on the inside, but you're happy on the outside.
- Okay, and - Sarah.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Uh, I saw the pens.
- Oh! - Very nice! - Oh, thanks, Amaar.
Uh, honey, can you check the lighting? - I think he's too hot.
- It's not the lighting.
Oh, you! Him, him! Take five, Rev.
Amaar, this Sunday is just going to be the best ever! We are going to razzle dazzle this town! That's great! - You know, Sarah, - Mm-hmm? the Mosque could use a little razzle dazzle too.
Oh, I'm sorry, Amaar.
It's a conflict of interests.
I I can't handle the Christians and the Muslims! But, uh, you are a Muslim! Well, yes, Sarah Hamoudi, the friend, is a Muslim.
But Sarah Hamoudi, PR whiz, is an employee of Mercy Anglican, so Oh, uh Okay, well, Amaar Rashid, the Imam, totally understands.
But, Amaar Rashid the businessman, knows there are other PR fish in the sea.
Oh, really? Well, Sarah, the friend, wishes you good luck, but Sarah, the PR whiz, wishes you good luck.
The second one was supposed to be sarcastic.
I cannot eat these.
These pancakes remind me of Layla.
She loves pancakes? No, they actually look like Layla.
- Do you see it? - No.
- Here? - No.
Okay, imagine she were a cowboy.
Now you see it? Baber, this is ridiculous.
You need to get your daughter back.
No, she needs to get me back.
I am playing hard to get.
Oh, here she comes.
Yasir, laugh with me.
Oh, that is so funny, that thing you just said, Yasir! Dad.
Oh, Layla, I did not see you there, what with all this laughing going on.
I am having such a fun time as a fancy free man with no daughter to take care of.
Whatever.
I need my mp3 player.
I left it at the house.
Okay, I will get it to you.
Now, please, you must excuse me, because Yasir and I are telling these, um uh uh side-splitting jokes about, um umm Pancakes! Ohh Okay, you're right.
I need help.
Yasir, you're always scheming.
- Hey, I resent that.
- I'm sorry.
I didn't say it wasn't true, I just said I resent it.
Well, you must help me come up with a scheme to get my daughter back.
You don't just come up with schemes, it's an art form.
Inspiration can take days.
Okay, in that case, I will stand by your side until inspiration strikes.
You know who's a much better schemer than I am? My foreman.
Yeah, Yousef.
You should talk to him.
Oh.
I will.
Thank you! How can you do that to Yousef? Yousef doesn't speak English.
Baber is annoying in any language.
Nate? I've been looking all over for you! I've been hiding.
Not from you.
Long story.
Do you know Becky Klein? She can hold a grudge.
I was hoping you could do some promotional work for the mosque.
You know, with your experience, it made sense.
As a reporter, I shouldn't get involved personally with community business.
- I mean, conflict of interest.
- I understand.
- But what the hell, right? - You'll do it? - I'm in! - Great! Get in here! - I'm really not a hugger.
- Come on, come on.
Come on! Don't fight it.
There's nothing wrong here.
Just two men hugging.
- And we're done! - Okay I already have some ideas.
Top of my head, sky writing, viral video - What's our budget? - About $20.
I have no ideas.
Wait! I know someone at the paper.
It's me.
I know.
Thing number 113 that I miss about Layla: When Layla's talking to a boy, I have to say, "Layla! Do not talk to a boy!" They were such good times! Oops, I lost count.
Should I start again? Yes.
Ooh, Yousef, you've done a lot of work.
You must be really motivated to finish.
Yes.
The last five hours have just flown by! Oh! So I'll just leave you to it? Excellent! We have so much more to talk about! So much, much more! Yousef! Are you hurt? Yes! Is he really that bad? Oh, yes.
"If you get the time, "why not stop in and take a look at the little mosque that could.
" That's it? That's the whole article? It's only 18 words long! - It leaves them wanting more.
- It leaves me wanting more! And buried on page seven? - The front page was taken.
- Okay, about that.
"Remarkable Reverend Thorne is the man!" What? It's not like I control the news.
It's not news, it's a puff piece! Puff piece? Are you kidding? Okay there was the kitten.
And he did kiss the baby.
Damn, this is a puff piece.
Sarah's good.
Look, I'm sorry.
Okay? Thanks a lot for the help, but I'm running out of ideas.
You? Screenplay ideas? Because if you like robot buddy comedies, you're going to love "Nuts 'N Bolts"! Can you stop? No.
Ideas for the mosque.
Right, let's throw more money down that black hole.
Uh new mosque sign? I got bupkis.
That is a great idea.
New mosque sign! - Except that - You'd need my permission.
Hi.
Amaar can't put up a new sign - without his landlord's permission.
- Aww.
How goes the campaign? - Oh, good! - Yes, remarkable! this Sunday should be a new personal best.
And we have a TV interview tomorrow.
Just Regina, but still TV? You got TV? We should totally get TV.
Wake up, man.
Print is dead.
Posters, pens, how do you afford it all? Oh, it's easy.
I got a deal.
Thorne's going to baptize their first kid free! - Wouldn't you do that anyway? - They don't need to know that.
Well, we've got lots of ideas too.
- Oh! - Lots! We do? Really? 'Cause I thought we had nothing.
- Coffee? - Yeah.
What? What's wrong? Need a hug? - Bring it in - Don't touch me.
Reverend, this mosque sign, it's it's not a bad idea.
- Sarah, remember who you work for.
- I know.
Well, what if I could think of a way to give the mosque a sign and that helped the church as well? I'm listening.
But, you said you would help me.
No, you said I would help you.
Nevertheless, promises were made! Come for dinner, we shall plan.
I have frozen food in trays.
It takes only seven minutes to prepare.
As delightful as that sounds Ah, but it is delicious! It is like five tiny chefs made five tiny courses for one big explosion of flavour! Now with 25% more peas! Have you been reading the boxes again? No.
I counted.
I've had a lot of time on my hands lately.
Look, take it from someone that knows the female mind.
You only have one option: apologize.
What? Outrageous! I will never apologize.
Never, I say! Then you'll never get her back.
- Tell me what to do.
- Fine! - I'll help you.
- Excellent! We can discuss it over a tray of Hungry Man Halal! Amaar? Good news! You got the Reverend a spot on Oprah? No, I convinced the Reverend that the mosque needs an eye-catching new sign that will also help the church.
- Wow! - Mm-hmm! That's great! Thanks very much.
I've got some ideas.
No, don't worry, he's taken care of it.
- Who's taken care of it? - The Reverend.
Uh-oh Amaar, let me present you with your brand new mosque sign.
It's a cross.
No need to thank me.
Huh.
It's a cross.
- You said that already.
- It bears repeating.
- You like it? - No.
- Hmm.
What's the problem? - It's a cross! Well, it does say Mercy Mosque.
On a cross! It's like putting Jesus on the Star of David.
Oh, now that's just offensive.
I can't believe you'd even say that.
Besides, it's white on white.
You can't even read it! Well, the important thing is, you know it's there.
But my congregation won't.
What are they going to think of a cross in front of a mosque? Well, I have no idea how the Muslim mind works.
But Sarah does.
It was her idea.
Oh.
Well that must have been Sarah Hamoudi, PR whiz, because it sure wasn't Sarah Hamoudi, friend.
Amaar! To be fair, it looked a lot less cross-y in my mind! Can't do this.
Apologies to me are like cats and dogs.
I'm allergic to all three.
Yes you can! All you have to do is learn the Hamoudi apology system.
If the first apology doesn't work, there are fallback apologies, backup apologies, and then finally, escape apologies.
My head's spinning.
You just need a little help.
Oh, Rayyan, perfect! Come.
Her? How is she going to help me? Baber, you would like Layla back.
Rayyan, you would like Layla gone.
Hmm.
The only way you're both going to win is if Baber apologizes.
Baber's terrible at apologizing.
Yes, but with a little practise, we can bring him up to speed, fast.
Baber, apologize to Rayyan about, umm something.
But I have done nothing to Rayyan.
You called me an immoral Western feminist in front of everyone at the mosque! That was Faisal.
I called you a decadent Western feminist.
Fine.
Apologize for that.
- You apologize first! - For what? For being a decadent Western feminist! So I'm stuck with her then? Oh, it's hopeless.
I'm not like you.
You always know what to say.
That's it! I'll tell you what to say.
I will whisper the apology in your ear so that you can win her back.
What a brilliant and totally original idea! You don't watch many movies, do you? Amaar, wait! No, waiting is when you stop and you listen.
Okay, I'm waiting.
Now what? Oh, Amaar, what's wrong? Look.
Look at that.
I know! It's like "Born Again".
Get it? Yeah, I get it.
What? So you're mad at me for doing my job? - No, I'm not mad at you.
- Well I'm mad at me, for not thinking to use your talents a long time ago.
Oh, that's sweet.
Now I'm worried.
Is it too late? Are we still going to have a place at Mercy Anglican? Well well, we will, as long as Sarah Hamoudi's on the job! Yeah, but, Sarah Hamoudi's working for Thorne.
Well, that's Sarah Hamoudi, PR whiz.
This is a job for Sarah Hamoudi, friend.
Goose to Mother Hen.
Come in, Mother Hen.
I told you not to call me that.
I know, I'm just nervous.
Just act natural.
Baber! What a nice surprise! Layla, it's Baber.
He is here.
To talk to you.
And, uh, I need to act natural? Dad, Salaam alaikum.
Walaikum assalaam.
Layla has opened the door.
I repeat, Layla has opened the door.
- Who are you talking to? - You! I mean, who else is here? No one! Layla, my peach blossom, it is so good to see your smiling face.
Layla, my peach blossom, it is so good to see your smiling face.
Really? Thanks.
I just wanted to say I am the sorriest man alive.
I am the scariest man alive.
I am the sorriest man alive! The sorriest! I think we have a bad connection.
Exactly! We do have a bad connection.
We do? I I guess we do.
- But I would like to change that.
- Really? Okay, Layla, I really want to say something to you.
Something I should have said a long time ago.
I really want to say something to you.
Something I should have said a long time ago.
Yeah And what I want to say is - Okay, Baber, I'm coming! - Here it comes Any moment.
Wait for it.
It's going to be worth it.
You can't say it, can you? You can't apologize! O- Of course I can, and I will.
I just need a moment.
To find the words which are travelling.
They have left my brain and are heading to mouth station.
Whoo, whoo! All aboard word train.
Got it! Hahhh! Ann, you're back! How did it go? What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
But I was in Reno, so I'm ready to dish.
Later, look, we need your help.
The church has put up this huge light-up cross on the lawn.
- Which is against the bylaw.
- Yeah.
Well, then, I guess I'll have to change the bylaw.
- What? - Yeah, like I'm going to go after a church for putting up a cross? That'll play great in the next election.
What about the mosque? Can we have a light-up sign too? Yeah, sure, whatever, just make sure you get your landlord's permission.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get a tattoo removed.
Hm.
What are we going to do? His sign stays, he won't let us put up one of our own.
You know, it's like he'd be happier if no one even knew Muslims were there.
What if we were to show Thorne a sign that's not a sign? Go on.
What do you mean, go on? That was the whole plan.
Yasir, I thought you were king of the apology! Yeah, well I thought I was the Sultan of Soup.
But apparently, that's just an honorary title.
Baber? Dad? What am I going to do? Well, first you're going to relax.
Second, I'm going to put my hand back in the ice.
Layla, I think you dropped your earpiece.
Uh, that's not mine.
Yeah, sure it is.
See? It fits perfectly.
See what you have done? You have made me lose my Layla.
I say things I shouldn't but it's only because I love her so much.
I'd do anything for her.
Why don't you just say so? Because I'm a fool.
And now the door is closed, and and I'm afraid that it's never going to open again.
Dad? Layla? I want to come home.
- Really? 'Cause I knew that if - Ah! Don't ruin it.
Yeah, I know Ehh! Muslims? - What do you think you're doing? - Who, us? No, the other Muslim mob on my front steps.
Oh, well, we're playing dominoes, we're reading the Koran, You know, doing brown people stuff.
- Well, you can't do it here.
- Why not? Because this is a church! It's my church! We're well aware of that.
I- It's very confusing, okay? What will my new congregants think when they see my church crawling with Muslims? Oh, they'll figure it out.
Hi! Or not.
Hmm, what a shame.
You don't understand.
All my promotion, the bench ads, the TV, It's all been leading up to this! I'm trying to build my flock! Well, so am I! And a cross you can see from space doesn't help! Okay, come here.
What do you want? - Get rid of the cross.
- I could just get rid of the mosque.
Or you could get rid of the cross.
Then you'll get rid of the Muslims? - Deal.
- Deal.
- Dominoes? - Just go.
Maybe we should talk about our working relationship.
You're fired.
- Oh, I'm glad we talked.
- Me too.
I'm so glad you have come home.
- Aww, thanks dad.
- You're such a wonderful daughter.
I never really appreciated you, but I will never take you for granted again My little sunbeam.
Sunbeam? Excuse me.
- Wait.
- Wait.
- Where are you going, darling? - Where are you going, darling? Come back and talk to your loving father.
Come back and talk to your loving father.
Ignore that man at the end of the counter.
Ignore that man at the end of the counter.
- Sunbeam? - I haven't quite got his voice yet.
I haven't quite got his voice yet.
Dad! Subtitle by: Kiasuseven