Lovejoy (1986) s04e08 Episode Script
God Helps Those
(Clock striking the hour) Can't beat a spot of fish and chips, can you? Well you can, actually.
Salmon en croute and cold bottle of Sancerre.
But, er, we have to cut our cloth accordingly, don't we? I'm not the only dealer having a hard time.
I mean, you might find me looking through the old obituary column for a sniff.
But you know what some of them are doing? Some are so eager to anticipate a house sale they're phoning up the undertaker to see who passed away that afternoon.
I mean, I ask you.
Is there no decency left, hm? (Engine revving) (Alarm ringing) (Clock strikes) (Man) an incubator with something called an oxygen headbox.
Apparently, this is some kind of special incubator which keeps the baby at a constant temperature, - regulates the amount needed, yes? - Yes, that's right.
Now, all these things are desperately needed by the baby unit and, as ever, the fundraising falls to us.
So, any bright ideas on how we should kick the appeal off? Apart from the summer féte.
What about baby dolls? Organize a sale.
Sexy nighties? Hardly! No, dolls.
Baby dolls.
They're quite collectable.
If you can encourage people to look through their attics, children's cupboards, and put the dolls up for sale.
As it's the baby unit, it would be very appropriate.
Eye-catching.
All proceeds to the appeal.
I think it sounds a splendid idea, Lady Felsham.
Hire a hall - or better still, we'll use your hotel for free.
Advertise the event and bingo! Ah, now bingo.
That is always popular.
They'll spend a fortune at bingo Good heavens.
Who's that? It's, er, just a waif and stray.
(Mouths) Comes to the door occasionally.
Very sad, really.
How's your luck at the moment, Lovejoy? Oh, looking up, Tink, you know.
Things on the go, couple of deals in the pipeline.
Thank you, Eric.
Irons in the fire.
- What irons? - What fire? Who's, er, Jane got up with her at the big house at the moment? Ooh, the do-gooding brigade.
Local hospital.
It's funny, those committees are always the same.
Ladies in hats and sensible shoes and the retired military type who insists on running everything.
(Tuts) Little bit cynical, Tink? Ha! Well, that's calling the pot the kettle Oh, rubbish, Eric.
There's one cause that's very close to my heart.
- How much, Lovejoy? - Oh, Janey.
For the cause that's closest to your heart.
Um, can I, er As you were, boys.
- Can you lend me 500? - (Sighs) Come back to the house.
What about all those irons in the fire, Lovejoy, eh? Fires need stoking occasionally, Eric.
(Clock strikes) Oh, forgive me, Lady Felsham.
How rude of me, I just couldn't resist admiring your beautiful house.
Hope you don't mind.
No, not at all.
Edwin Felt, Lovejoy.
Edwin is the chairman of the Dalefield League of Friends.
Oh, support your local hospital.
Can't argue with that, eh? Lovejoy's on a fundraising mission now, as a matter of fact.
Really? Who for? You must tell me more about the League of Friends, I'm fascinated.
Eh, Janey? Right now we're raising money for the baby unit.
- Smashing.
- Although raising money isn't all we do.
We run a book-lending scheme in the hospital, visit the elderly on the wards, especially those who normally don't get visitors.
All sorts of things on their minds, poor things.
Who's going to feed the cat, who's going to keep an eye on the house while it's empty, what to do with their contents if they move into a home, that sort of thing.
Oh, really? - Hmm.
- Oh, bless you, Nurse Nightingale.
What's going on, Lovejoy? What are you up to? Just doing my bit.
Ah, Tinker.
I want you in my bedroom as soon as you can.
- Well - Ah, is this the one? Oh, no, that's Millie.
No, she's priceless.
No, one of these.
Um, take that one, the green.
But this is a It's an Ernst Heubach.
Yes.
This is turn of the century, this is three or four hundred pounds.
- Why don't Eric and I see if we can find - I'm not looking for a bargain, Tinker.
It is for charity, remember.
No, take her.
You're very generous.
Isn't she, Millie? All right, Michael, here's the deal.
You sell it, we split the commission 60/40.
Why is he selling it? Like most people, his cash flow's been reduced to a trickle.
He needs the readies.
- Yes, it's a lovely little Sheraton.
- Isn't it? But do you think it'll go? - Eventually.
What's he looking for? - About seven grand.
Maybe six.
And after we've split the commission 50/50 Wait a minute, I bring you business and make your stock look good? But as you so rightly point out, it's going to be for sale in my highly reputable premises.
At your risk, of course.
Oh, aye? Erm Shall we just call it a gentlemen's agreement? So, I'm bid 300.
Now, don't forget, this is a doll by Ernst Heubach and it has been in the Felsham family for generations.
I mean, it's been cuddled by Lady Felsham herself.
I mean, don't you want to get close to Lady Felsham? Hmm? Do I hear any more than 350? Do I hear any more? Sold for a very worthy cause.
(Applause) Ah Congratulations, Jane, it was a great idea.
Well, thank you for letting us use the hotel as a venue.
Nonsense! You should expect it of me.
You know, Jane, this is one occasion when I can unashamedly say I'm only in it for the money.
Me too.
Me too.
Jane, they want you to present the doll personally.
Excuse us.
Of course.
Good to see you again, Monsieur Forget.
Doing good works, I see.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Perhaps you'd care to make a contribution.
(Clears throat) You can have the rest when you finish your shift.
When did you say that was? I didn't! Ladies Lovejoy.
Friends of Dalefield Hospital.
(Chuckles) Fun in here, isn't it? - What's your name? - Shove off.
- Well, there's not much wrong with you! - What do you want? No, that's what I'm supposed to ask you.
I'm a friend of the hospital.
Can I get you any books? Um, can I get you anything from your home? No! Fair enough.
Hoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! (Chuckles) - And what's your name? - Florence.
Hello, Flo.
(Laughing) Oh! (Laughs) Here we are.
Two cups of tea.
And could you keep the noise down, please? - Sorry.
- Do you want sugar, Mr? - No Mr.
, just Lovejoy.
- Lovejoy? - Is that for real? - By name and nature.
Thank you, Kay.
Ooh! You tickle me, Lovejoy! I never touched you, Flo.
Well, an old woman can but hope, can't she? Hey, you know where I'm going next, don't you? Oh, don't be so morbid, you're not going there! Not the crematorium, silly! Retirement home, I mean.
The Glades.
Mind you, the crematorium would probably be a lot livelier.
You don't seem very impressed by the idea.
My son arranged it.
He's very keen on the idea.
(Sighs) I know it's for the best, but nobody likes to leave their own home, do they? I don't know how much I'll be able to take with me, either.
Well, what you can't take with you, what are you going to do about them? I suppose my son'll get his greasy hands on them, more's the pity.
Well, if you want anything looked over, I've got a friend who's in the antique business.
Oh! You're in the antique trade, aren't you?! (Alarm ringing) (Police radio chatter) - Condolences, Michael.
- I don't understand.
I'm only a couple of Regency tables short, and a carriage clock.
Not much else.
- What kind of animals would do this? - At least I'm covered.
Oh! What What am I? What am I gonna tell the owner? What am I gonna say? Oh, hello, Lovejoy.
Mr.
Church, if you need any restoration doing, we are your man.
Er, men.
This is criminal.
This is absolutely criminal.
Of course it's criminal.
It's theft, innit? No, I mean as in immoral, as in wanton destruction.
No, the thing I don't understand is why.
Why ruin one thing to get at another? What's their mentality? What are they thinking? Taking this a bit personally, aren't you, Lovejoy? Those barbarians didn't only destroy a Sheraton bureau, it was a Sheraton bureau that Michael was selling on my behalf.
- How come? - It was a mate, I said I'd get him six grand, now it's a heap of firewood.
Well, you're in a heap of trouble.
How are you gonna face him? Search me, Eric.
I don't know.
I mean, he's lost his bureau, I've lost my commission, Michael's lost a couple of Regency tables.
Oh, please, Eric, would you cover it up? I can't stand looking at it anymore.
- It's the second raid in a week.
- I wish I could get my hands on 'em.
Bloody hell, he'll have his hands on me in a minute! Don't look now, he's the owner of the Sheraton! Get rid of whatever's left of it, will you? Jamie! Jamie Ha ha! - Heard about this on the local news.
- Yeah.
- What a mess.
- Yeah, isn't it? - What brings you here? - You know, restoration.
Never miss a trick.
Any luck selling that Sheraton yet? - No.
- Just as well it wasn't in there, eh? Yeah, it'd be in pieces by now.
But I'm working on it, Jamie.
- It is all right, isn't it? - Oh, safe as houses.
Absolutely safe as houses.
I need that seven grand, Lovejoy, I really do.
Trust me, Jamie.
Thank you, lads.
(Man) Lovejoy! Is this your vehicle? Ah (Chuckles) You know DC Burston.
I'm Detective Sergeant Greenland.
Is this your vehicle? Yes.
To hands across the sea, Monsieur Forget.
- The free market, ah? - The free market.
So, what have you got on your shopping list this time around? Do you think you can find me something like that, Mr.
Gimbert? Let's have a look.
I think I can get my hands on a nice mahogany for about four grand, no trouble.
I am not interested in what you can get your hands on.
What does the photo tell you? Oh, er Walnut.
- Bit earlier? - Burr walnut veneer.
With a brass dial, not a painted one.
And silver chaptering.
So once again, you think you can find me something like that? Yes Hang on, I'm I'm sure I've seen one of these recently.
Of course.
I'm sorry? Ah.
Doesn't matter.
How much are you prepared to pay? Six thousand, seven - depends on the name.
- Leave it with me.
- I'm staying at the Bull.
It'll be in Ostend by the end of the week, Monsieur Forget.
That's a promise.
European partners, ah? Absolutement.
It's a charming house.
Thank you.
Last night, I was visiting a sick old lady in hospital - voluntary work, they call it.
- And you seriously expect us to believe that? - I do.
And this flagpole's to do with the baby appeal, you say? I do.
Now, may I go or do you just like my company? Oh.
This was found at the scene.
Can you shed any light on it? I usually charge for my professional services but I'll settle for a cuppa.
Whoever caused what happened here last night were out-and-out amateurs, cowboys right off the dole queue.
No professional thief would have caused such havoc.
I bet they destroyed more than the value of the stuff they took.
Not pros.
They knew exactly what they were looking for, though.
Stealing to order, eh? Probably cash up front.
And, er, where do you think the tables are now, then? Halfway across the Channel.
On a ferry.
Whoever these villains are stealing the stuff for knows there's a market for it.
It's portable, highly priced and very keenly sought-after.
Now, if there's anything else I can help you with, I'm available on a consultancy basis.
Give you guys a lift anywhere? (Eric sighs) - It's sad, Tink.
- It's a travesty, Eric.
No insurance.
What's he gonna do? - Inventory.
- What of? What you see, what's left.
Three good legs? Well, there's handles, knobs I suppose we can make a milking stool.
- Philistine.
- Al right, then, what? You've got to think like Sheraton.
See, he didn't make, he designed.
- So? - Well, his love was pleasing the eye.
So he had to understand all the processes - wood, metal, glass, inlays - everything.
He virtually invented the tray.
That's no good to us, all we've got is legs.
But that's all a butler's tray is.
Look.
What I'm saying is, we should improvise.
We should look around, find a drawer here, a piece of Hepplewhite there, and eventually we'll come up with an après le Sheraton whatever.
Oh, no! Eric, please cover it up, I can't stand looking at a corpse.
Look, Tinker thinks we can salvage something from this wreck.
What do you reckon? I reckon I reckon I reckon things have been worse.
Remember that time we had to make an original Chippendale table, Tink? Yes, we sold the Chippenjoy to Charlie Gimbert! Yeah.
In the meantime, Eric, if Jamie comes round, tell him I'm onto a buyer.
Tell him I'm away for a few days.
Tell him anything, Eric.
What I've begun to realize, Jane, is that in life, you can't just take.
You've got to put back in.
When I read about your baby appeal, I said to myself, "Charlie, get out there and do your bit.
" Well, of course, I haven't got any dolls but here I am, ready and willing to sign up.
And, er there's 100 for the appeal.
Are you sure? Oh, all right.
150 since it's you.
Thank you.
Well, why don't I just go and get you some literature and some other bits and pieces then I'll tell you a little bit about what we do.
- Wonderful.
- No, no.
What was that? - Yes, storm brewing, I think.
- Oh.
Yes.
Jane, I was just admiring your longcase clock.
Walnut, isn't it? 1760? Yes.
The maker's name was Justin Vulliamy.
It carries quite a premium.
Really? I've got a Belgian dealer.
Quite interested in that sort of thing, that period certainly - Might even make you an offer.
- Sorry, not interested.
Well, he'd give you a very good price.
It's a family piece.
Even so, Jane, these days Not for sale.
Now, there's the bumf and the tools for the job.
Tools for the job Yes, when you're out collecting.
There's a sash for you to wear, a collection box and some stickers and badges to pin on people.
I'm out of pins - would you mind getting your own? - Yes, er, sure.
- Great! All set for rattling.
Wonderful.
Would you like to? Oh, you've done it.
Would you like to donate something? Thank you Oh! Oh Oh, my God.
Get off! Are you all right? Do you want to go to the hospital? - No, no, I'm fine.
- Are you sure? It's nothing permanent, I'll live.
Erm, this is yours, I believe.
Thank you, I'm really grateful.
Thank you so much.
Can I just No, no, no.
There's no need, thanks.
Thanks but no thanks.
Anyone would have done the same.
Would they? At least let me buy you a cup of coffee or something.
There's a nice café just up the hill.
Please.
OK.
My name's Danny, by the way.
Sir? - Well, I never! - Push off, Lovejoy! Such an inspiring sight, Charlie.
- Yes, well, I felt the call, same as you.
- Course you did.
- Ask Lady Jane.
- I believe you, Charlie.
I believe you! - Lovejoy? - Charlie.
This charity number - what's in it for you? Well, I find that virtue has its own reward.
- Don't you, Charlie? - If you say so.
By the way, love the sash.
- You know what you can do that flagpole.
- Put it up? What do you want? Oh.
Remember, Charlie, it's all in a good cause.
I'm studying at the poly.
Just looking for some summer work at the moment.
Thank you.
And what brings you to this neck of the woods? Well, there's less competition than in London, and it's cheaper.
I'm staying at a hostel just outside town.
- I could offer you some work.
- Really? Doing what? I'll think of something.
Look, you've been too kind already, thanks.
Look, I've got windows that need cleaning, quite a lot of them.
I'd pay you.
All right.
That'd be great.
(Charlie) I went, I saw, I made an offer.
No go.
No? You mean the clock does not work? No, no, no.
The owner of the clock she isn't interested, I'm afraid.
I'm sorry.
- She can't be persuaded? - You haven't met Lady Felsham.
Well, perhaps if I, er Some Gallic charm? Monsieur Forget it's not for sale.
I know her.
Ah, well, then perhaps a toast, huh? To other fish in the sea.
To other fish in the sea.
I'm sure she has something else that she would like to get rid of.
Thirsty work, eh? Ah, God bless you.
A lot of bleedin' windows.
Hm! (Man on megaphone) Stay exactly where you are with your hands in the air.
I repeat, stay exactly where you are with your hands in the air.
Look, is it's about that parking ticket On the deck! Arms outstretched.
Go! Lovejoy.
We've got you for something at last.
Breaking and entering and in possession of a firearm.
What? Firearm? Go and look at the gun! You know him? This house belongs to this gentleman's mother.
So what the hell were you doing in it? - You must be Phillip, right? - What? Phillip! Hello.
In my pocket.
Left-hand pocket, have a look.
Don't be shy.
Hey, that's my mother's key! That's right.
I'm one of the Friends of Dalefield Hospital.
I visit her there.
- So she'll back your story up, then? - Go and ask her.
He's just a parasite.
Con man! Well, search him.
Go on, search him! Is this the gun? Phillip, your mother was right about you.
So what do you think? I've never noticed them much, to be honest.
They were my mother's before me.
Are they worth something, then? About four grand.
Oh! (Laughs) My son'll be furious! Oh! Do you want to buy them? I mean, after all he's put you through.
No, I'll sell them for you if you want me to, for a commission.
It's a deal.
I need the money.
What for? (Jane) Hello? Anyone there? (Cock crows) Oh Thank goodness! - Where's your truck? - It's been stolen.
- Where from? - Well Thank you, Eric! - Janey, you wanted to see me.
- Yes.
Something's going on, Lovejoy, someone's been here.
Well, it's not me.
I've had enough of going through houses for the time being.
I'd have given anything to have been there.
Janey, I could have been killed.
Hm.
Look.
I found it here this morning.
I mean, what's it doing here? There's nothing been taken, there's no sign of a break-in either.
Just this window was left open.
I don't understand it.
I know someone's been in here but Oh, it's just so creepy.
I haven't had a wink of sleep all night.
Something's going on, Lovejoy, and I don't know what.
(Lovejoy) Tink! Eric! Here he is.
The hard man of Littlewick Cottage.
Scared, were we? What, of men with baseball caps and loudhailers backed up by marksmen with automatic rifles trained and ready to kill? Course I was scared! What do you make of this, Tink? Ah.
Now, there are two scenarios here.
The first is that this was taken last night, one of several and got left behind.
The idea is that you take the snap away and tout the contents around for business.
Find out what's getting a good price, like? Exactly.
And then nick it later.
- The second scenario - Photos were taken already.
And used as a sort of shopping list.
- Stealing to order, you mean? - Exactly, Eric.
- So why didn't they? - For the same reason that got left behind.
Modus operandi interruptus.
Eh? Janey woke up.
I think they'll be back, probably not in the same way, though.
What does he mean by that? Think of Forbes.
Think of ramraiding.
(Danny) Lady Felsham.
(Jane) Hello.
Hi.
Erm, the Jobcentre's found me something a bit more permanent.
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
So, er, I got you this.
It's a sort of thank-you present.
- Oh, Danny - It's nothing much, it's just to let you know I really appreciate the chance you gave me.
It was nothing.
Well, good luck, then.
- Thank you.
- Can I offer you a lift somewhere? Er, no, I'll walk.
Bye.
Admirer? I put some work his way.
He's put a smile on your face.
Shut up, Lovejoy.
Janey, has anyone been round lately, showing an interest in anything? Apart from him.
No one sinister.
- Unless you count Charlie Gimbert.
- Gimbert? We wanted to make an offer on the grandfather clock, I told him it wasn't for sale.
Drop me at his place, will you, Janey? (Doorbell ringing) Charlie.
So, to what do we owe this little, erm? - Pleasure.
- If you say so.
Jane says you're very keen on her grandfather clock.
So keen that you pitched up there on the pretext of doing some charity work.
- Slander, Lovejoy.
- Charlie, I've known you a long time.
It's true I had a professional interest.
Not a crime, is it? Not yet.
What are you talking about? After the last ramraid, police found pages torn from an antiques magazine and a Polaroid.
(Charlie) What's that got to do with me? Jane found this in her drawing room.
Someone from House And Gardens? Except they hadn't made an appointment.
What did they take? Probably just the other photographs they brought with them.
Jane disturbed them.
Stealing to order, eh? You tell me.
Not my style, Lovejoy.
You wanted the clock, Janey wouldn't do a deal.
This ramraid at Forbes has put quite a bee in your bonnet, hasn't it? Tell me, did you have the Sheraton cremated or just buried quietly? Reincarnated.
Those clowns were stealing to order too.
If I find it's you who put them up to their little adventures Don't be ridiculous! It wasn't even me that wanted the clock in the first place.
Well, who, then? Client confidentiality, Lovejoy.
- Really, Charlie? - Yes, really.
Your client could face incitement, conspiracy to rob and receiving.
And remember the old line about being known by the company you keep - no straight punter will ever be seen with you again.
And you'd know about that, wouldn't you, Lovejoy? Come on.
But you're driving.
I'm afraid Monsieur Forget checked out this morning.
And you've no idea where he's gone? No, none at all.
Oh, he usually flies from Stansted.
Er I hope you don't mind my asking, Lovejoy, but the whereabouts of this Belgian gentleman, is it really important? I mean, it won't detain you both from the flag hoist? It is this afternoon.
I hope you haven't forgotten.
Oh, yeah.
The flag hoist.
We'll be there, won't we, Charlie? Charity begins at home.
( Brass band plays Congratulations) Come on, Charlie.
Apart from having designs on your clock, he's probably behind the ramraids.
Well, where is this Mr Forget now? On his way to Bruges, probably.
We went to the hotel but he'd left in a hurry.
- My truck! - What? My truck.
Janey, who's at Felsham Hall, now this minute? - Well, no one.
- Deserted? - Yes, but the security system's on.
- Try and find Tinker and Eric! - Ladies and gentlemen, your attention - Meet me at Felsham Hall, soon as you can! The buffet is now being served.
Come on! Ohhh! About time! What's going on? Is this the ramraiders in your truck, Lovejoy? Let's introduce ourselves, shall we? Come on out, you trash! Do you know what else you destroyed apart from my truck? (Jane) Danny! What, the guy who And he's the man who tried to mug me.
What were you going to take? - Nothing.
And you can't prove otherwise.
- No? Just went to pick up something I forgot, that's all.
Oh, yes, and who were you stealing them for? The Belgian, eh? - Where were you taking 'em, Danny? - (Tinker) Same place as he took the other lot.
Where was that, Danny? Do you wanna talk to me or the police? Sorry.
Invisible trade, I think they call this.
What next, Forget? A Biedermeier for a Belgian baron or something a little more rococo for an Italian aristo? Just make sure I get paid in Deutschmarks, there's a good chap.
(Forget) Your merry men.
Well, did you leave Felsham Hall standing? What do you care? You got what you wanted, that's all that matters, isn't it? That's right.
Ah - I'll take that.
It's all under control, Lovejoy.
Well, this is turning out to be a day of surprises.
Dear Jane.
Lady Felsham.
You waiting for a hand, are you? Obviously don't like getting yours dirty.
Look, I I didn't approve of their methods.
I was as horrified as anyone.
Horrified as in appalled or horrified as in how clumsy they were? They were getting me what I wanted.
Or what you were stealing to order for Forget.
All that fundraising for the hospital How could you have the gall? Allez, vite! Lady Felsham, please, I can (Engine starting) (Lovejoy) Be seeing you, Danny.
I'll handle this, Lovejoy.
(Sneezes) Central heating.
(Tinker laughs) All right, all right.
What I don't understand, Lovejoy, is why Charlie Gimbert was chasing around after longcase clocks - when For-git - Forget.
Forget could have just smashed and grabbed 'em.
Yes, Eric.
Ah, I get it.
Forget was using Charlie Gimbert as a front.
Brilliant! Er Lady Felsham, er I expect you'll be wanting your tables back.
They're perfectly intact, so really, no harm's been done.
And I'll return the other stuff anonymously, of course.
What about the stuff that's gone forever, hm? Smashed to smithereens? My Sheraton at Forbes, for instance, hm? We could come to some kind of arrangement.
You're the first Euro-thief I've met.
Is that how you came to own the hotel? You and Forget do have very good taste, you know.
Is this stolen? - Certainly not! - Yours? Er, half mine.
Janey? Oh, yes - Yours? - No.
His.
He'll kill me.
Look, let me give you a check, please.
No, you keep your eurocheck.
I'll take this armoire, Janey, you take the table and, oh, yes, and I'll take this bureau to replace my Sheraton, hm? And a receipt, and your resignation from the committee, naturally.
And Mr.
Catchpole and Mr.
Dill will collect them.
When?! - And that's it, is it? - Mm.
I get a table, you get a wardrobe, we let Danny go and Felt carries on virtually as normal? Well, it might be your idea of an arrangement but it certainly isn't mine.
(Siren) Er What? All right, all right, I'm sorry.
Oh, Janey, I'm shattered, this day's gone on forever.
Can I sleep on your couch or are you tired of intruders? I haven't been much of a judge of people lately, have I? Oh, you think the best of them.
Nothing wrong with that.
- You know what it is, Lovejoy? - What? I think you've turned me into a soft touch.
Well, I've just got the sort of qualities you admire.
I'm kind and decent, trustworthy Hm? (Lovejoy sighs happily) Right.
Bring the check up a bit, please.
Come on, lovely big smile.
One big smile.
- Great, smashing.
You got that? - Got it.
- Right, this Mr.
Lovejoy.
- Mm.
- He sold your saltcellars at auction - That's right.
for 4,500, and you've given all the money to the baby appeal? Yeah, that's right.
Well, it's the least an old life can do for a new one, isn't it? Beautifully put, nice gesture.
Bye.
Thank you so much, Florence, we really appreciate it.
Was he behind all this, then? He just helped me sell something, I didn't need anymore.
Janey.
My commission.
The 500 quid I owe you.
Thank you.
Oi, Lovejoy! Them saltcellars are mine! You had no right to take 'em! It's part of my inheritance.
They were your mother's.
Go argue with her.
Lovejoy, what have you done with my car? Where is it? Charlie, it's very nice of you to come.
Ah, Mr.
Gimbert.
Would you like to be in the papers too? Lovejoy, where's my Sheraton? Jamie, everything's under control.
- (Baby cries) - Oh Suits you, Janey.
Salmon en croute and cold bottle of Sancerre.
But, er, we have to cut our cloth accordingly, don't we? I'm not the only dealer having a hard time.
I mean, you might find me looking through the old obituary column for a sniff.
But you know what some of them are doing? Some are so eager to anticipate a house sale they're phoning up the undertaker to see who passed away that afternoon.
I mean, I ask you.
Is there no decency left, hm? (Engine revving) (Alarm ringing) (Clock strikes) (Man) an incubator with something called an oxygen headbox.
Apparently, this is some kind of special incubator which keeps the baby at a constant temperature, - regulates the amount needed, yes? - Yes, that's right.
Now, all these things are desperately needed by the baby unit and, as ever, the fundraising falls to us.
So, any bright ideas on how we should kick the appeal off? Apart from the summer féte.
What about baby dolls? Organize a sale.
Sexy nighties? Hardly! No, dolls.
Baby dolls.
They're quite collectable.
If you can encourage people to look through their attics, children's cupboards, and put the dolls up for sale.
As it's the baby unit, it would be very appropriate.
Eye-catching.
All proceeds to the appeal.
I think it sounds a splendid idea, Lady Felsham.
Hire a hall - or better still, we'll use your hotel for free.
Advertise the event and bingo! Ah, now bingo.
That is always popular.
They'll spend a fortune at bingo Good heavens.
Who's that? It's, er, just a waif and stray.
(Mouths) Comes to the door occasionally.
Very sad, really.
How's your luck at the moment, Lovejoy? Oh, looking up, Tink, you know.
Things on the go, couple of deals in the pipeline.
Thank you, Eric.
Irons in the fire.
- What irons? - What fire? Who's, er, Jane got up with her at the big house at the moment? Ooh, the do-gooding brigade.
Local hospital.
It's funny, those committees are always the same.
Ladies in hats and sensible shoes and the retired military type who insists on running everything.
(Tuts) Little bit cynical, Tink? Ha! Well, that's calling the pot the kettle Oh, rubbish, Eric.
There's one cause that's very close to my heart.
- How much, Lovejoy? - Oh, Janey.
For the cause that's closest to your heart.
Um, can I, er As you were, boys.
- Can you lend me 500? - (Sighs) Come back to the house.
What about all those irons in the fire, Lovejoy, eh? Fires need stoking occasionally, Eric.
(Clock strikes) Oh, forgive me, Lady Felsham.
How rude of me, I just couldn't resist admiring your beautiful house.
Hope you don't mind.
No, not at all.
Edwin Felt, Lovejoy.
Edwin is the chairman of the Dalefield League of Friends.
Oh, support your local hospital.
Can't argue with that, eh? Lovejoy's on a fundraising mission now, as a matter of fact.
Really? Who for? You must tell me more about the League of Friends, I'm fascinated.
Eh, Janey? Right now we're raising money for the baby unit.
- Smashing.
- Although raising money isn't all we do.
We run a book-lending scheme in the hospital, visit the elderly on the wards, especially those who normally don't get visitors.
All sorts of things on their minds, poor things.
Who's going to feed the cat, who's going to keep an eye on the house while it's empty, what to do with their contents if they move into a home, that sort of thing.
Oh, really? - Hmm.
- Oh, bless you, Nurse Nightingale.
What's going on, Lovejoy? What are you up to? Just doing my bit.
Ah, Tinker.
I want you in my bedroom as soon as you can.
- Well - Ah, is this the one? Oh, no, that's Millie.
No, she's priceless.
No, one of these.
Um, take that one, the green.
But this is a It's an Ernst Heubach.
Yes.
This is turn of the century, this is three or four hundred pounds.
- Why don't Eric and I see if we can find - I'm not looking for a bargain, Tinker.
It is for charity, remember.
No, take her.
You're very generous.
Isn't she, Millie? All right, Michael, here's the deal.
You sell it, we split the commission 60/40.
Why is he selling it? Like most people, his cash flow's been reduced to a trickle.
He needs the readies.
- Yes, it's a lovely little Sheraton.
- Isn't it? But do you think it'll go? - Eventually.
What's he looking for? - About seven grand.
Maybe six.
And after we've split the commission 50/50 Wait a minute, I bring you business and make your stock look good? But as you so rightly point out, it's going to be for sale in my highly reputable premises.
At your risk, of course.
Oh, aye? Erm Shall we just call it a gentlemen's agreement? So, I'm bid 300.
Now, don't forget, this is a doll by Ernst Heubach and it has been in the Felsham family for generations.
I mean, it's been cuddled by Lady Felsham herself.
I mean, don't you want to get close to Lady Felsham? Hmm? Do I hear any more than 350? Do I hear any more? Sold for a very worthy cause.
(Applause) Ah Congratulations, Jane, it was a great idea.
Well, thank you for letting us use the hotel as a venue.
Nonsense! You should expect it of me.
You know, Jane, this is one occasion when I can unashamedly say I'm only in it for the money.
Me too.
Me too.
Jane, they want you to present the doll personally.
Excuse us.
Of course.
Good to see you again, Monsieur Forget.
Doing good works, I see.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Perhaps you'd care to make a contribution.
(Clears throat) You can have the rest when you finish your shift.
When did you say that was? I didn't! Ladies Lovejoy.
Friends of Dalefield Hospital.
(Chuckles) Fun in here, isn't it? - What's your name? - Shove off.
- Well, there's not much wrong with you! - What do you want? No, that's what I'm supposed to ask you.
I'm a friend of the hospital.
Can I get you any books? Um, can I get you anything from your home? No! Fair enough.
Hoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo! (Chuckles) - And what's your name? - Florence.
Hello, Flo.
(Laughing) Oh! (Laughs) Here we are.
Two cups of tea.
And could you keep the noise down, please? - Sorry.
- Do you want sugar, Mr? - No Mr.
, just Lovejoy.
- Lovejoy? - Is that for real? - By name and nature.
Thank you, Kay.
Ooh! You tickle me, Lovejoy! I never touched you, Flo.
Well, an old woman can but hope, can't she? Hey, you know where I'm going next, don't you? Oh, don't be so morbid, you're not going there! Not the crematorium, silly! Retirement home, I mean.
The Glades.
Mind you, the crematorium would probably be a lot livelier.
You don't seem very impressed by the idea.
My son arranged it.
He's very keen on the idea.
(Sighs) I know it's for the best, but nobody likes to leave their own home, do they? I don't know how much I'll be able to take with me, either.
Well, what you can't take with you, what are you going to do about them? I suppose my son'll get his greasy hands on them, more's the pity.
Well, if you want anything looked over, I've got a friend who's in the antique business.
Oh! You're in the antique trade, aren't you?! (Alarm ringing) (Police radio chatter) - Condolences, Michael.
- I don't understand.
I'm only a couple of Regency tables short, and a carriage clock.
Not much else.
- What kind of animals would do this? - At least I'm covered.
Oh! What What am I? What am I gonna tell the owner? What am I gonna say? Oh, hello, Lovejoy.
Mr.
Church, if you need any restoration doing, we are your man.
Er, men.
This is criminal.
This is absolutely criminal.
Of course it's criminal.
It's theft, innit? No, I mean as in immoral, as in wanton destruction.
No, the thing I don't understand is why.
Why ruin one thing to get at another? What's their mentality? What are they thinking? Taking this a bit personally, aren't you, Lovejoy? Those barbarians didn't only destroy a Sheraton bureau, it was a Sheraton bureau that Michael was selling on my behalf.
- How come? - It was a mate, I said I'd get him six grand, now it's a heap of firewood.
Well, you're in a heap of trouble.
How are you gonna face him? Search me, Eric.
I don't know.
I mean, he's lost his bureau, I've lost my commission, Michael's lost a couple of Regency tables.
Oh, please, Eric, would you cover it up? I can't stand looking at it anymore.
- It's the second raid in a week.
- I wish I could get my hands on 'em.
Bloody hell, he'll have his hands on me in a minute! Don't look now, he's the owner of the Sheraton! Get rid of whatever's left of it, will you? Jamie! Jamie Ha ha! - Heard about this on the local news.
- Yeah.
- What a mess.
- Yeah, isn't it? - What brings you here? - You know, restoration.
Never miss a trick.
Any luck selling that Sheraton yet? - No.
- Just as well it wasn't in there, eh? Yeah, it'd be in pieces by now.
But I'm working on it, Jamie.
- It is all right, isn't it? - Oh, safe as houses.
Absolutely safe as houses.
I need that seven grand, Lovejoy, I really do.
Trust me, Jamie.
Thank you, lads.
(Man) Lovejoy! Is this your vehicle? Ah (Chuckles) You know DC Burston.
I'm Detective Sergeant Greenland.
Is this your vehicle? Yes.
To hands across the sea, Monsieur Forget.
- The free market, ah? - The free market.
So, what have you got on your shopping list this time around? Do you think you can find me something like that, Mr.
Gimbert? Let's have a look.
I think I can get my hands on a nice mahogany for about four grand, no trouble.
I am not interested in what you can get your hands on.
What does the photo tell you? Oh, er Walnut.
- Bit earlier? - Burr walnut veneer.
With a brass dial, not a painted one.
And silver chaptering.
So once again, you think you can find me something like that? Yes Hang on, I'm I'm sure I've seen one of these recently.
Of course.
I'm sorry? Ah.
Doesn't matter.
How much are you prepared to pay? Six thousand, seven - depends on the name.
- Leave it with me.
- I'm staying at the Bull.
It'll be in Ostend by the end of the week, Monsieur Forget.
That's a promise.
European partners, ah? Absolutement.
It's a charming house.
Thank you.
Last night, I was visiting a sick old lady in hospital - voluntary work, they call it.
- And you seriously expect us to believe that? - I do.
And this flagpole's to do with the baby appeal, you say? I do.
Now, may I go or do you just like my company? Oh.
This was found at the scene.
Can you shed any light on it? I usually charge for my professional services but I'll settle for a cuppa.
Whoever caused what happened here last night were out-and-out amateurs, cowboys right off the dole queue.
No professional thief would have caused such havoc.
I bet they destroyed more than the value of the stuff they took.
Not pros.
They knew exactly what they were looking for, though.
Stealing to order, eh? Probably cash up front.
And, er, where do you think the tables are now, then? Halfway across the Channel.
On a ferry.
Whoever these villains are stealing the stuff for knows there's a market for it.
It's portable, highly priced and very keenly sought-after.
Now, if there's anything else I can help you with, I'm available on a consultancy basis.
Give you guys a lift anywhere? (Eric sighs) - It's sad, Tink.
- It's a travesty, Eric.
No insurance.
What's he gonna do? - Inventory.
- What of? What you see, what's left.
Three good legs? Well, there's handles, knobs I suppose we can make a milking stool.
- Philistine.
- Al right, then, what? You've got to think like Sheraton.
See, he didn't make, he designed.
- So? - Well, his love was pleasing the eye.
So he had to understand all the processes - wood, metal, glass, inlays - everything.
He virtually invented the tray.
That's no good to us, all we've got is legs.
But that's all a butler's tray is.
Look.
What I'm saying is, we should improvise.
We should look around, find a drawer here, a piece of Hepplewhite there, and eventually we'll come up with an après le Sheraton whatever.
Oh, no! Eric, please cover it up, I can't stand looking at a corpse.
Look, Tinker thinks we can salvage something from this wreck.
What do you reckon? I reckon I reckon I reckon things have been worse.
Remember that time we had to make an original Chippendale table, Tink? Yes, we sold the Chippenjoy to Charlie Gimbert! Yeah.
In the meantime, Eric, if Jamie comes round, tell him I'm onto a buyer.
Tell him I'm away for a few days.
Tell him anything, Eric.
What I've begun to realize, Jane, is that in life, you can't just take.
You've got to put back in.
When I read about your baby appeal, I said to myself, "Charlie, get out there and do your bit.
" Well, of course, I haven't got any dolls but here I am, ready and willing to sign up.
And, er there's 100 for the appeal.
Are you sure? Oh, all right.
150 since it's you.
Thank you.
Well, why don't I just go and get you some literature and some other bits and pieces then I'll tell you a little bit about what we do.
- Wonderful.
- No, no.
What was that? - Yes, storm brewing, I think.
- Oh.
Yes.
Jane, I was just admiring your longcase clock.
Walnut, isn't it? 1760? Yes.
The maker's name was Justin Vulliamy.
It carries quite a premium.
Really? I've got a Belgian dealer.
Quite interested in that sort of thing, that period certainly - Might even make you an offer.
- Sorry, not interested.
Well, he'd give you a very good price.
It's a family piece.
Even so, Jane, these days Not for sale.
Now, there's the bumf and the tools for the job.
Tools for the job Yes, when you're out collecting.
There's a sash for you to wear, a collection box and some stickers and badges to pin on people.
I'm out of pins - would you mind getting your own? - Yes, er, sure.
- Great! All set for rattling.
Wonderful.
Would you like to? Oh, you've done it.
Would you like to donate something? Thank you Oh! Oh Oh, my God.
Get off! Are you all right? Do you want to go to the hospital? - No, no, I'm fine.
- Are you sure? It's nothing permanent, I'll live.
Erm, this is yours, I believe.
Thank you, I'm really grateful.
Thank you so much.
Can I just No, no, no.
There's no need, thanks.
Thanks but no thanks.
Anyone would have done the same.
Would they? At least let me buy you a cup of coffee or something.
There's a nice café just up the hill.
Please.
OK.
My name's Danny, by the way.
Sir? - Well, I never! - Push off, Lovejoy! Such an inspiring sight, Charlie.
- Yes, well, I felt the call, same as you.
- Course you did.
- Ask Lady Jane.
- I believe you, Charlie.
I believe you! - Lovejoy? - Charlie.
This charity number - what's in it for you? Well, I find that virtue has its own reward.
- Don't you, Charlie? - If you say so.
By the way, love the sash.
- You know what you can do that flagpole.
- Put it up? What do you want? Oh.
Remember, Charlie, it's all in a good cause.
I'm studying at the poly.
Just looking for some summer work at the moment.
Thank you.
And what brings you to this neck of the woods? Well, there's less competition than in London, and it's cheaper.
I'm staying at a hostel just outside town.
- I could offer you some work.
- Really? Doing what? I'll think of something.
Look, you've been too kind already, thanks.
Look, I've got windows that need cleaning, quite a lot of them.
I'd pay you.
All right.
That'd be great.
(Charlie) I went, I saw, I made an offer.
No go.
No? You mean the clock does not work? No, no, no.
The owner of the clock she isn't interested, I'm afraid.
I'm sorry.
- She can't be persuaded? - You haven't met Lady Felsham.
Well, perhaps if I, er Some Gallic charm? Monsieur Forget it's not for sale.
I know her.
Ah, well, then perhaps a toast, huh? To other fish in the sea.
To other fish in the sea.
I'm sure she has something else that she would like to get rid of.
Thirsty work, eh? Ah, God bless you.
A lot of bleedin' windows.
Hm! (Man on megaphone) Stay exactly where you are with your hands in the air.
I repeat, stay exactly where you are with your hands in the air.
Look, is it's about that parking ticket On the deck! Arms outstretched.
Go! Lovejoy.
We've got you for something at last.
Breaking and entering and in possession of a firearm.
What? Firearm? Go and look at the gun! You know him? This house belongs to this gentleman's mother.
So what the hell were you doing in it? - You must be Phillip, right? - What? Phillip! Hello.
In my pocket.
Left-hand pocket, have a look.
Don't be shy.
Hey, that's my mother's key! That's right.
I'm one of the Friends of Dalefield Hospital.
I visit her there.
- So she'll back your story up, then? - Go and ask her.
He's just a parasite.
Con man! Well, search him.
Go on, search him! Is this the gun? Phillip, your mother was right about you.
So what do you think? I've never noticed them much, to be honest.
They were my mother's before me.
Are they worth something, then? About four grand.
Oh! (Laughs) My son'll be furious! Oh! Do you want to buy them? I mean, after all he's put you through.
No, I'll sell them for you if you want me to, for a commission.
It's a deal.
I need the money.
What for? (Jane) Hello? Anyone there? (Cock crows) Oh Thank goodness! - Where's your truck? - It's been stolen.
- Where from? - Well Thank you, Eric! - Janey, you wanted to see me.
- Yes.
Something's going on, Lovejoy, someone's been here.
Well, it's not me.
I've had enough of going through houses for the time being.
I'd have given anything to have been there.
Janey, I could have been killed.
Hm.
Look.
I found it here this morning.
I mean, what's it doing here? There's nothing been taken, there's no sign of a break-in either.
Just this window was left open.
I don't understand it.
I know someone's been in here but Oh, it's just so creepy.
I haven't had a wink of sleep all night.
Something's going on, Lovejoy, and I don't know what.
(Lovejoy) Tink! Eric! Here he is.
The hard man of Littlewick Cottage.
Scared, were we? What, of men with baseball caps and loudhailers backed up by marksmen with automatic rifles trained and ready to kill? Course I was scared! What do you make of this, Tink? Ah.
Now, there are two scenarios here.
The first is that this was taken last night, one of several and got left behind.
The idea is that you take the snap away and tout the contents around for business.
Find out what's getting a good price, like? Exactly.
And then nick it later.
- The second scenario - Photos were taken already.
And used as a sort of shopping list.
- Stealing to order, you mean? - Exactly, Eric.
- So why didn't they? - For the same reason that got left behind.
Modus operandi interruptus.
Eh? Janey woke up.
I think they'll be back, probably not in the same way, though.
What does he mean by that? Think of Forbes.
Think of ramraiding.
(Danny) Lady Felsham.
(Jane) Hello.
Hi.
Erm, the Jobcentre's found me something a bit more permanent.
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
So, er, I got you this.
It's a sort of thank-you present.
- Oh, Danny - It's nothing much, it's just to let you know I really appreciate the chance you gave me.
It was nothing.
Well, good luck, then.
- Thank you.
- Can I offer you a lift somewhere? Er, no, I'll walk.
Bye.
Admirer? I put some work his way.
He's put a smile on your face.
Shut up, Lovejoy.
Janey, has anyone been round lately, showing an interest in anything? Apart from him.
No one sinister.
- Unless you count Charlie Gimbert.
- Gimbert? We wanted to make an offer on the grandfather clock, I told him it wasn't for sale.
Drop me at his place, will you, Janey? (Doorbell ringing) Charlie.
So, to what do we owe this little, erm? - Pleasure.
- If you say so.
Jane says you're very keen on her grandfather clock.
So keen that you pitched up there on the pretext of doing some charity work.
- Slander, Lovejoy.
- Charlie, I've known you a long time.
It's true I had a professional interest.
Not a crime, is it? Not yet.
What are you talking about? After the last ramraid, police found pages torn from an antiques magazine and a Polaroid.
(Charlie) What's that got to do with me? Jane found this in her drawing room.
Someone from House And Gardens? Except they hadn't made an appointment.
What did they take? Probably just the other photographs they brought with them.
Jane disturbed them.
Stealing to order, eh? You tell me.
Not my style, Lovejoy.
You wanted the clock, Janey wouldn't do a deal.
This ramraid at Forbes has put quite a bee in your bonnet, hasn't it? Tell me, did you have the Sheraton cremated or just buried quietly? Reincarnated.
Those clowns were stealing to order too.
If I find it's you who put them up to their little adventures Don't be ridiculous! It wasn't even me that wanted the clock in the first place.
Well, who, then? Client confidentiality, Lovejoy.
- Really, Charlie? - Yes, really.
Your client could face incitement, conspiracy to rob and receiving.
And remember the old line about being known by the company you keep - no straight punter will ever be seen with you again.
And you'd know about that, wouldn't you, Lovejoy? Come on.
But you're driving.
I'm afraid Monsieur Forget checked out this morning.
And you've no idea where he's gone? No, none at all.
Oh, he usually flies from Stansted.
Er I hope you don't mind my asking, Lovejoy, but the whereabouts of this Belgian gentleman, is it really important? I mean, it won't detain you both from the flag hoist? It is this afternoon.
I hope you haven't forgotten.
Oh, yeah.
The flag hoist.
We'll be there, won't we, Charlie? Charity begins at home.
( Brass band plays Congratulations) Come on, Charlie.
Apart from having designs on your clock, he's probably behind the ramraids.
Well, where is this Mr Forget now? On his way to Bruges, probably.
We went to the hotel but he'd left in a hurry.
- My truck! - What? My truck.
Janey, who's at Felsham Hall, now this minute? - Well, no one.
- Deserted? - Yes, but the security system's on.
- Try and find Tinker and Eric! - Ladies and gentlemen, your attention - Meet me at Felsham Hall, soon as you can! The buffet is now being served.
Come on! Ohhh! About time! What's going on? Is this the ramraiders in your truck, Lovejoy? Let's introduce ourselves, shall we? Come on out, you trash! Do you know what else you destroyed apart from my truck? (Jane) Danny! What, the guy who And he's the man who tried to mug me.
What were you going to take? - Nothing.
And you can't prove otherwise.
- No? Just went to pick up something I forgot, that's all.
Oh, yes, and who were you stealing them for? The Belgian, eh? - Where were you taking 'em, Danny? - (Tinker) Same place as he took the other lot.
Where was that, Danny? Do you wanna talk to me or the police? Sorry.
Invisible trade, I think they call this.
What next, Forget? A Biedermeier for a Belgian baron or something a little more rococo for an Italian aristo? Just make sure I get paid in Deutschmarks, there's a good chap.
(Forget) Your merry men.
Well, did you leave Felsham Hall standing? What do you care? You got what you wanted, that's all that matters, isn't it? That's right.
Ah - I'll take that.
It's all under control, Lovejoy.
Well, this is turning out to be a day of surprises.
Dear Jane.
Lady Felsham.
You waiting for a hand, are you? Obviously don't like getting yours dirty.
Look, I I didn't approve of their methods.
I was as horrified as anyone.
Horrified as in appalled or horrified as in how clumsy they were? They were getting me what I wanted.
Or what you were stealing to order for Forget.
All that fundraising for the hospital How could you have the gall? Allez, vite! Lady Felsham, please, I can (Engine starting) (Lovejoy) Be seeing you, Danny.
I'll handle this, Lovejoy.
(Sneezes) Central heating.
(Tinker laughs) All right, all right.
What I don't understand, Lovejoy, is why Charlie Gimbert was chasing around after longcase clocks - when For-git - Forget.
Forget could have just smashed and grabbed 'em.
Yes, Eric.
Ah, I get it.
Forget was using Charlie Gimbert as a front.
Brilliant! Er Lady Felsham, er I expect you'll be wanting your tables back.
They're perfectly intact, so really, no harm's been done.
And I'll return the other stuff anonymously, of course.
What about the stuff that's gone forever, hm? Smashed to smithereens? My Sheraton at Forbes, for instance, hm? We could come to some kind of arrangement.
You're the first Euro-thief I've met.
Is that how you came to own the hotel? You and Forget do have very good taste, you know.
Is this stolen? - Certainly not! - Yours? Er, half mine.
Janey? Oh, yes - Yours? - No.
His.
He'll kill me.
Look, let me give you a check, please.
No, you keep your eurocheck.
I'll take this armoire, Janey, you take the table and, oh, yes, and I'll take this bureau to replace my Sheraton, hm? And a receipt, and your resignation from the committee, naturally.
And Mr.
Catchpole and Mr.
Dill will collect them.
When?! - And that's it, is it? - Mm.
I get a table, you get a wardrobe, we let Danny go and Felt carries on virtually as normal? Well, it might be your idea of an arrangement but it certainly isn't mine.
(Siren) Er What? All right, all right, I'm sorry.
Oh, Janey, I'm shattered, this day's gone on forever.
Can I sleep on your couch or are you tired of intruders? I haven't been much of a judge of people lately, have I? Oh, you think the best of them.
Nothing wrong with that.
- You know what it is, Lovejoy? - What? I think you've turned me into a soft touch.
Well, I've just got the sort of qualities you admire.
I'm kind and decent, trustworthy Hm? (Lovejoy sighs happily) Right.
Bring the check up a bit, please.
Come on, lovely big smile.
One big smile.
- Great, smashing.
You got that? - Got it.
- Right, this Mr.
Lovejoy.
- Mm.
- He sold your saltcellars at auction - That's right.
for 4,500, and you've given all the money to the baby appeal? Yeah, that's right.
Well, it's the least an old life can do for a new one, isn't it? Beautifully put, nice gesture.
Bye.
Thank you so much, Florence, we really appreciate it.
Was he behind all this, then? He just helped me sell something, I didn't need anymore.
Janey.
My commission.
The 500 quid I owe you.
Thank you.
Oi, Lovejoy! Them saltcellars are mine! You had no right to take 'em! It's part of my inheritance.
They were your mother's.
Go argue with her.
Lovejoy, what have you done with my car? Where is it? Charlie, it's very nice of you to come.
Ah, Mr.
Gimbert.
Would you like to be in the papers too? Lovejoy, where's my Sheraton? Jamie, everything's under control.
- (Baby cries) - Oh Suits you, Janey.