Phineas and Ferb s04e08 Episode Script

Psst! Agent P! I'm in here! Sorry for the break-in protocol, but this is urgent.
Show him the photo, Carl.
Yes, sir.
Here, Agent P.
Notice anything unusual, Agent P? Look closely, it's very subtle.
Here, use this.
Check out that small cluster of clouds.
It spells "Doof"! And "Doof" is short for Doofenshmirtz! That cloud is directly above the Danville Botanical Gardens! Two hundred acres of ecologically diverse natural area.
We need you to get out there and find out what Doof is doofing! We need you to get out there and find out what Doof is doofing! Here, take my membership card.
You get free parking and you get 15% off at the gift shop.
Sir, it says "non-transferrable" right at the bottom! Oh, Carl, they never look at the photo.
Anyway, get out there, Agent P, and good luck! And make sure you stop and smell the roses! Well He never stops to smell the roses.
I know, sir.
In fact, it was the ancient Tunisians who actually developed many of the techniques still used today.
Wow, Buford.
I didn't realize the wedgie had such a rich history.
Help! Help, Phineas and Ferb, and to a lesser extent, Buford! I am having an existential emergency! I find myself incapable of making decisions! Is that a fact? You'd better sit down.
Okay.
Come to think of it, maybe your point would be better made standing up.
You are right! But, then again, you look kind of tired.
You are right.
I'd better— Cut it out! How did you get in such a state, Baljeet? Well, I was filling out my college early admission's forms, and I— Whoa, Baljeet! College is, like, nine years away! I said "early".
Anyway, under personal preferences, I could not decide whether to select loop or string theory.
I was paralyzed with indecision! Oh, come on, that's easy! Loop! No, string! No— Oh.
Right? Then I started thinking about how important it is to make the right decision on everything! You see, every choice carries with it its own potential timeline.
So, every decision I make effectively nullifies the possible future! I cannot even choose which flavor of ice-cream to order.
If I choose vanilla, that may set me on the path to the presidency.
But if I have strawberry, I could get hit by a bus! Well, it's simple then.
Just don't choose the strawberry.
You are missing the point! I do not know that if I chose strawberry I would get hit by a bus, I am just saying that every decision we make has unforeseen repercussions! Actually, ice-cream sounds pretty good.
Yeah, it does! If it is okay with you, I have prepared a little presentation to illustrate my point.
(Song: Improbably Knot) Don't know which choice to choose when people ask Not sure which task to take, or take to task I don't know which is best, or which is bad I'm like a question mark, or hanging chad Even doing nothing is still a choice like I must make I'm paralyzed by fear that it will all become a big mistake Everything is probable, nothing is impossible Choices left to random chance are highly irresponsible March, my little off-the-shelf 3-D package robots! Everything is probable, nothing is impossible Choices left to random chance are highly irresponsible I do not know what to choose! I do not want to lose! Everything is probable, nothing is impossible I am sorry, everyone.
It sounded a lot better in my head.
Exactly what time did you get up this morning? What if you could make both choices? Would that make you feel better? Yes! And no.
I mean, I do not know! Ferb, I know what we're— Wait, let me interrupt you! Where's Perry? Wow, I had no idea that smoke signals was so complicated! Perry the Platypus, what— Excuse me, you are in clear violation of the garden rules! Docents.
So, uh, what seems to be the problem, ladies? You are showing blatant disregard for our signage! It's all good, ladies.
I am a card-carrying Danville Botanical Gardens club member.
See? Here's my card! And I'm carrying it! Then you should know better, Mr.
Doofenshmirtz.
Oof! It's not— It's Dr.
Doofenshmirtz, ok— Okay, bye! See how cool I was with them, huh? So, Perry the Platypus, I'll bet you're wondering why I haven't trapped you yet.
It's because I've hired someone else to do it for me! Perry the Platypus, meet platypus hunter, Liam O'Cracken! I found him on an evil consultant website.
Semi-aquatic egg-laying mammals, I can't stand the sight of 'em.
And I'll tell you why.
D'you mind? No, you know what? Why don't you do the backstory today? Back in Australia, I had a good life, but platypuses ruined everything.
You see When I was young Aww, does he like his boomerang, does he? Oh, my, look at the cute little platypus! Hello, there, little fella! Hold still! That's right.
Say musk lily! Say musk lily! And I never saw me mum again.
It was on that day that I swore revenge on platypuses.
Platypuses? No, no, I know, it sounds wrong, but it's actually right.
I always thought it was platypi.
That's also acceptable.
They're vile creatures, not to be trusted the only mammal with poisonous ankle barbs.
You have a poisonous ankle barb? How come I never knew that? But now, I'm prepared.
I even have my own poisonous ankle barbs.
And a little somethin' else up my sleeve.
I'd like you to meet the ladies.
This here is Nancy, Barbara, Jill, Lauren In all fairness, Perry the Platypus, there was nothing in his profile about, you know, naming his boomerangs.
Even I find that a little creepy.
Scheherezade.
Hey, Phineas! What'cha doin'? You're just in time, Isabella! In order to help Baljeet with his decision-making crisis, we've built the infinite probability generator.
Once Baljeet's been through the machine's infinite imprinter, he'll be fundamentally altered at the probable level.
Then, anytime he comes to a place where he has to make a choice, he'll split into two probability Baljeets.
Allowing him to explore the consequences of both timelines? Exactly, Isabella! Hit it, Ferb! I love it when you guys tamper with the forces of nature.
I know, right? Is science happening yet? I am feeling nauseated! Yeah, that sounds like science to me.
Oh, this is so bustable.
All right, Ferb, let's get him outta there! Now, how're you feeling, Baljeet? Effervescent and frothy.
Just like my Ma's homemade toothpaste! Come on, buddy, get up! How come he ain't split in two yet? Because he hasn't made a choice yet.
Oh, boy! It's the ice-cream guy! Oh, I thought it was someone's phone.
Come on, Baljeet! Let's see if the infinite probability generator worked! Howdy, Mike! My good friend, Baljeet here would like to sample your fine frozen confections.
All right, Baljeet, what flavor? Vanilla or strawberry? Carpe diem, Baljeet.
Carpe diem! One vanilla and one strawberry! Weird.
Hey, I also have banana splits! Good one, Mike.
Here you go.
Vanilla and strawberry.
Now, I am beside myself.
And I like it! That's very clever, Second Baljeet.
This is great! Now that I have made both choices, I will no longer miss any opp— What do you know? I was right! Wow, tough break.
Yes.
But, that means I am going to become President! Carl? Carl, where are you? I'm over here, sir! How did you get over there? I was coming to see you! Why are you over there? I'm trying to get out of here! What are you trying to do? Well, I was looking for you so we could leave together! Oh, for Pete's sake.
Danni Oh, and this shiny girl came all the way from Greece.
I call her— What the blazes?! See, I told you he was good! Now, about your refund policy That hat don't make you special.
You're still a platypus.
I'm gonna make you eat those words or that noise.
You and your hat are gonna make a fine addition to my trophy room.
Trophy room? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second, I just hired you to trap Perry the Platypus, not— Consider me off the clock, Doc.
Hello? What is this? Is this a hammock? If it's a hammock, it's way too tight.
Hello? Mr.
McCraken, I think you caught me by mistake! No mistake there, Doc.
You're either with me, or you're against me.
Come to think of it, I don't have a pharmacist on my trophy wall yet.
Come to think of it, I don't have a pharmacist on my trophy wall yet.
Wait, wait, wh— What do you mean, "yet"? I give you sixty seconds head-start before the hunt commences.
I-I don't even know what you're talking about.
Who's this platypus? Why am I handcuffed to him? Where is Perry the Platypus? So to recap in order of importance, why am I handcuffed to him? So, to make it easier to hunt the both of youse.
Now, run.
Okay, fair enough.
Whoa! Wow! You know, I really shouldn't have ignored the 97% of customer feedback that says he tends to go rogue.
So, okay— I guess we should introduce ourselves.
My name is Dr.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz and you being a platypus, you can't talk to tell me your You— You know what, I'm just gonna call you Steven.
Is that all right? You look like a Steven to me.
Bacon! What luck! I-I have really worked up an appetite with all this eluding.
Whoa, it was a trap?! I did not see that coming! All right, Nancy.
Don't hold anything back, love.
What took you so long? All right, you two.
Let's get somethin' straight here.
There'll be no messin' with the Buford.
Don't make no diff how many of you there are! Buford, I would never mess with you! Neither would I! That's good, 'cause I've still got your number! Or would that be "numbers"? I don't know.
Hey, Baljeet, which one would be grammatically correct— Huh? How rude.
Finally getting around to spring-cleaning in the summer.
First up, the fridge.
Mom, look at this! Look what Phineas and Ferb did! Hello, Mrs.
Flynn-Fletcher.
Oh, hello, Baljeet.
How's your mom doing? Oh, she is doing well! That's good.
That's nice.
Would you like a snack? Something to drink if you have it.
Let's see.
I've got some grape juice or orange juice.
I would like grape juice.
And orange juice! Mom! My, someone's thirsty.
Oh, there's more juice down here.
Let's see, I've got pineapple, mango and tomato.
Pineapple! Mango! Tomato! Okay, Baljeet.
You weren't kidding, you really were thirsty! Mom! I think we lost him.
You can slow down now.
I just said "slow down", I didn't say "stop".
What are you looking at? Oh, no, we are not going— That's cold! Wow, you're like a little motorboat there, Steven.
Wow, Steven, that was sweet! You're really good at that— That barb thing.
What? Why are you turning around? Don't go back that way, that put-me-on-the trophy-wall guy is back there.
Oh, I see, a waterfall.
Just in time for commercial, isn't that convenient? What's that all about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliffhanger.
Here we are, falling, and— Watch, watch, watch.
H-Here we go.
Wait.
Yup, yup, see? There you go! Fading to black! I know you're down there, you platypus.
And I'm gonna find ya.
Hey! Hang on there, Steven.
I'm tired of running.
And I don't mean tired like, I need to sit down for a while.
I-I mean, although I am tired and I do need to sit down for a— But, I mean— I'm fed up with that guy! And with your animal instincts and my vast knowledge of science, I think we can make a stand.
W-What do you say? Are you with me? Groovy! I wonder if the others would like some juice.
We should take some out to them! What about Buford? Indeed, what about Buford? What has he ever done for us? You mean to us! Yeah, he can get his own juice! Yeah! The jerk! Oh, hello, boys! Are we having a party, Baljeet? And Baljeet and Wait a moment.
If he's Baljeet, then you must be Baljeet! Oh, all right then, carry on! So, we all agree.
No juice for Buford.
Yeah, no juice for Buford.
Come on! Now, what's all this, then? All right, Jill, something's not right.
Be a love and have a look around.
Jill? Jill? Where are ya? Ah, there you are.
I thought maybe you'd taken off from me.
What the blazes? Oof! Yeah! We did it, Steven! High five! Ha! So you think you've bested old Liam and his ladies? Sue begs to differ.
I call this one Sharpay.
'Cause she's sharp, eh? Ugh! Oh, it's all right, Sharpay, I'll give you another chance.
Whoa! That's my girl.
Ooh, ow! Steven! Help! This looks like a job for Natasha! Okay, Mom, I'm going to replicate the anomaly right in front of you.
Fine.
What is it, Candace? Look closely.
How many Baljeets do you see standing here? One, Candace.
There is only one Baljeet, after all.
Why, thank you, Mrs.
Flynn-Fletcher! That is very kind of you to say.
She's talking numbers, kid.
Don't get a big head.
Okay, Mom.
Now watch what happens when he has to make a choice.
Baljeet, would you like some grapes, or this chocolate bar? Grapes, please.
That's really great, Candace.
Now I gotta get back to the fridge.
I don't get it, what happened? I just really wanted grapes! Ugh! There's no sign of him.
Well, Doc, it looks like it's just you and— Oh! What the blazes?! "Danville Botanical Garden"? Steven, you came back! That's right, 15% off at the gift shop.
Nice going, Steven! Okay, then.
Teresa One and Teresa Two, let's teach this platypus some manners.
Very clever, but let's see how you do against the Seven Sisters! Looks like it's time to bring out Toni with an "I"! Looks like it's time to bring out Toni with an "I"! He is always giving us a hard time! He says he is our friend! Would a friend steal your bike? To be fair, he stole everyone's bike.
And what about the time he drank all the water out of our fish tank? Something's going on over there.
The Baljeets seem to be gathering.
Oh, I don't like the looks of that! Gatherings have the habit of turning into mobs.
And mobs rarely make good decisions.
Oh, come on.
Couldn't a gathering just as easily turn into a shindig or a hoot-nanny? Under normal circumstances, I'd say yes.
But this one seems to have a "Storming of the Bastille" sort of vibe.
See, they're playing music! It is a hoot-nanny! (Song: Buford is in Trouble) Decisions are much easier when made en masse No one accountable, no fear of loss Because there's more of us, you will obey You do not have a choice, do what we say! It's only mob mentality, you do not understand it fully Put together thirty nerds and you can make a giant bully Buford is in trouble now, see the sweat upon his brow Our numbers are superior, surrender we will not allow Buford is in trouble now, see the sweat upon his brow Our numbers are superior, surrender we will not allow Buford is in trouble now, see the sweat upon his brow Our numbers are superior, surrender we will not Huh.
So, that's what comeuppance looks like.
Lauren! You put her down! Platypuses can't throw boomerangs.
Ow! Phineas, Ferb! You've gotta save me! They've all gone crazy! It's the mob mentality! Once it gets rolling, nothing can stop it! Mom! They're back! All the Baljeets are after Buford! What do you mean, "after", Candace? "After", like they're going to get him! Baljeet, picking on Buford? Candace, Buford outweighs Baljeet by like, 90 hamburgers! Now, take it easy, buddies.
This is really a bad decision! Let's be rational about this! Okay, everyone.
Get him! Okay, boys, break it up.
What's going on out here? You missed it! There were, like, 20 of 'em! It is okay, Mrs.
Flynn-Fletcher.
We were just talking about how easy it is to make a bad decision.
All right, but play nice.
Okay, Mom! Who wants pie? Now, that's a decision we can all agree on.
Okay! Okay, I give up! You've got some skills, platypus, I'll give you that.
But there's one thing you should know about my gals.
They always come back! Aha! Gotcha! My greatest hunt ever ends right here! Stop what you're doing, McCraken! Step away from the platypus! Doofenshmirtz.
I'd like you to meet my ladies.
Ruth and Esther! Ah, docents.
Oh, not again! I'll be right back, I know how to handle these ladies.
Uh The sign must have just been installed, I've— I've never seen it before.
Nice try, Liam, but this is your third infraction in as many weeks! Hand over your membership card! What? Let's not get crazy, now.
All your garden privileges have been revoked for ten days.
Esther will escort you off the grounds.
But I can't leave! It's my natural habitat! Your file says you're from Pittsburgh.
But, it's not my fault! It's him! It's the platypus you want! Oh, look how cute he is! What a handsome platypus! There has got to be a way out of here.
Major Monogram? Yes, Carl? I— I-I want you to meet my cousin, Larry.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You got out of the vent, found your cousin and brought him back in here? Well, I didn't have to find him, we had a lunch date, he was waiting for me.
Why on earth would you bring him back into the vent?! 'Cause I wanted you to meet him! Plus, I really like vents.
Mutual, I'm sure.
How are you feeling, buddy? Oddly enough, I feel the same.
But I am not worried about making choices anymore.
Well, it's nice to have you back, Baljeet.
I agree.
It's nice to have you back.
One of you back.
Buford! Do I detect true sentiment in your voice? You do realize I'm holding a pie here.
I retract my mocking tone.
Perry the Platypus! Oh, this is perfect.
I want you to meet my new friend, Steven the Platypus! You guy— Huh? He's gone! I— I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
Steven! We were just talking about you! Hey, I'd like you to meet Per— Now where did he go? Oh, I really wanted you to meet him.
Hey, maybe you know him! I— It's not that I think platypuses all know each other or anything, it's just that— I thought that maybe you might, you know, run in the same crowd or something.
Don't know which choice to choose when people ask Not sure which task to take, or take to task I don't know which is best, or which is bad I'm like a question mark, or hanging chad Even doing nothing is still a choice like I must make I'm paralyzed by fear that it will all become a big mistake Everything is probable, nothing is impossible Choices left to random chance are highly irresponsible March, my little off-package robots! Everything is probable, nothing is impossible