Shine on Harvey Moon (1982) s04e08 Episode Script

1 (Clock ticking) (Alarm) - (Grunts) - Ooh! What are you doing? (Alarm stops) - It's all right, it's all right.
Don't wake up.
- It's the middle of the night.
Well, it's five o'clock.
I've got to get upstairs before my mum.
Your mother doesn't live here any more, Harvey.
She doesn't live here any more.
I'm going to try and get back into my dream.
It was a really rude one, about Bing Crosby.
Bing Crosby, rude? - It might've been Bob Hope.
- (Chuckles) Harvey, what would you say if I said I was dreaming about Dorothy Lamour? I'd say "Swap.
" I've come home from work, I've got a date.
I shouldn't have to do the tea.
You sit there, relax, don't give yourself a hernia.
Look! Look, I'm trying to lay the table.
- Can't all this wait? - I work full-time and all, you know.
- Well, why can't Stanley get the tea? - Cos he takes after his dad.
Now: Draughts, heating, leaks.
Have I left anything out? Have you mentioned the crack in the kitchen floor? - Not to mention the grass growing through it.
- You want a lawnmower.
This is serious.
You don't think the council's gonna rush round here and do all these repairs? - It's their responsibility, your dad said.
- Funny how you listen to him when it suits you.
It's council property.
But it's always been cold and draughty, especially in the lav.
If you don't grip the toilet paper, it blows out your hand.
- Margaret, not before tea, please.
- (Kettle whistles) God.
Well, you can make light of it.
You could've been married and out of here before you know it.
Are you trying to get rid of me? It was different when I thought I was getting my own place.
That isn't Veronica's fault.
- Did I mention Veronica? - No, but you was thinking it.
Yeah, well, she's just got rotten timing, that's all.
I expect that's why she's up the spout.
If she hadn't lent you that money, you wouldn't have a hairdressing business.
- Well, it's a hell of a time to ask for it back.
- People are always picking on Veronica.
I am not picking on Veronica.
Is that all right? Tea ready yet? - You don't have to bang a gong with him.
- It wouldn't kill you to help.
Oh, no, that's women's work.
- Who says? - Dad and Geoff and Alfie.
- No "F" in "draught", Mum.
- Yes there is, in our kitchen.
- I'm starving, I could eat a horse.
- Get off! You should live in France.
- Why's that? - They eat horses there.
I read it somewhere.
- Eurgh! - That's it, it's all coming off.
I'm starting again.
That flush is on the blink again.
It works best if you creep up on it and take it by surprise.
I found this upstairs.
Oh, I haven't looked at that for years.
There's a nice one at the back: Me and Rosie and little Albert at the old Crystal Palace.
- What are you talking about? - What do you mean? Oh, I thought you were looking at the old photo album.
Blimey, is that still here? They were bombed out in the Blitz, they were.
Ooh, paint and paper everywhere.
When Father painted the parlour - Nice patterns in it.
You couldn't see Pa for paint - I like this one best.
I wonder if they've still got it.
Paint and Why? Don't you think this place could do with a bit of a touch-up? - What's wrong with it? It's clean, isn't it? - Oh, yeah.
the ceiling Rosie chose this paper.
Oh, yeah, it's very nice.
It's a bit faded though, innit? Anyway, any redecoration is down to the Railways Board.
If we talk to them about it, they'll send somebody and paint the whole place green.
- Well, then, we won't tell 'em, will we? - (Knock at door) Oh, who's that? (Sniffs) If it's a man with a pot of green paint, don't let him in.
Oh, hello.
Anyway, most of those patterns are probably out of stock by now.
Well, we won't know till we go and have a look.
- How's Mrs Barratt? - Who? You.
Ooh, of course it's me.
(Cackles) - Are you all right, Duchess? - Yeah, I'm all right.
- I was just making sure he's looking after you.
- Course.
As a matter of fact, I had an errand to run over this way.
- Got time for a cuppa? - Lovely.
- Vi will do the honours, won't you, Vi? - Ooh, yeah.
Take the weight off, Harvey.
- Redecorating? - No, no.
Your mother was just flipping through.
Married life's obviously agreeing with the pair of you.
What? Ooh, not half.
How about you? Me? There's a long way to go before me and Frieda Don't tell me you're not putting in a bit of practice, now you've got the place to yourself.
What do you make of all this Russian monkey business in Berlin? Eh? Oh, I'm not surprised.
- Mr Churchill says they'll walk all over Europe.
- I don't know about that.
You and your Labour boys have been a sight too soft on the Russkies.
Not me.
Look, as far as Berlin's concerned, I stand shoulder to shoulder with Ernie Bevin.
I'm sure he finds that a great comfort, son.
Can I use the best cups? (Coughs) Here, Mum, you've done me a lot of good without knowing it.
- Why? - A lot of kids in my class still smoke.
But having to sit here every morning and blow your ash away before it lands in my porridge, you have put me right off.
Oh, good.
I'd give it up if I could.
- Well, it's easy.
- How? - Just don't light the end.
- (Laughs) - Good morning.
- Hello.
Do you want a cup of tea? Yes, please.
You were out late, last night.
- Yeah, it was quite late.
- Mm.
Oh, innit dark in here? I think I'll draw the curtains.
(Sighs) Could you pass that sugar, please? - You don't take sugar.
- Oh, no.
Silly me, I forgot.
So, Stanley, what are you gonna do today? Well, probably have a game of football with the chaps.
Mm.
Unless they're otherwise engaged.
(Laughs) - Is my mascara all right? - It was, till you rubbed it.
Oh, come on, then.
What's this big surprise that Alfie had to give you last night? I'll give you three guesses.
Oh, give us a clue.
- I'm engaged to be married! - Oh, you're never.
(Laughs) Well, come on, then, let's have a look.
It's an half a carat solitaire with baguette shoulders and a platinum setting.
BOTH: Aah, nice.
If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be eating cold, chopped fish for breakfast Oh, I'm sorry, we've got no eggs.
No, I like it.
I like waking up with you.
I like having breakfast with you.
I like all the other things.
Oh, thank you.
Ooh, I forgot.
We've been invited over to my mum's for tea on Sunday.
Oh, that's nice.
- Well, that's cooked tea, what you call supper.
- Oh, yes.
You mean dinner.
No, if it was Monday, it might be dinner, but on a Sunday, you have your dinner at lunch time.
I'll get my mum to explain it to you.
They seem all right though.
Seem happy enough.
- Your mother and well, what is he now to you? - Stepfather.
- Stepfather.
- Yeah, there's a thought.
They're sitting either side of the fire like Darby and Joan.
- Who? - My mum and Geoff.
Hey, it'll be nice, though, won't it? When we're married.
Harvey, I don't think it'll be very different from the way things are.
It'll be legal, kosher.
Maybe it won't be so exciting when it's legal.
You're being all Bohemian again, ain't you? Don't worry.
When your divorce comes through, I'll marry you.
Yeah, but I wish we could speed things up.
I mean, now that me and Reet have more or less buried the hatchet, she could do me for adultery, rather than desertion.
- What's the difference? - About a year less waiting.
Let it be adultery, then.
After all, no-one can deny that's what we commit.
No, no, not with you.
- So who else are you committing adultery with? - Nobody.
I don't wanna drag your name through the courts.
But, Harvey, I'm a Bohemian.
Maybe it'll help the price of my paintings if I have a certain je ne sais quoi.
Well, I might not wanna marry a woman with a certain je-be-be-be But it's all right for you to go to Brighton and be in bed with a prostitute? It's the done thing, everybody does it.
People understand.
The women that do this sort of thing, they'd yell blue murder if somebody did lay a finger on 'em.
- I'm not actually gonna sleep with the girl.
- Harvey, that's exactly what you are going to do.
- What? - Sleep.
Oh.
A touch too matronly, I think.
Alternatively, although of course it's a trifle more expensive, the Rose Dubois would complement the blouse.
Penelope.
WOMAN: What do you think, dear? PENELOPE: It's so sweet.
Please, Mummy.
You're supposed to wear it, not suck it.
A fraction too frivolous, perhaps.
Now let me see.
What about this one? Really? Penelope.
- Perfect.
- It's a little large.
- It's frightfully unsecure.
- Nonsense.
Put this on my account, Mr Brandon, and deliver it to Fitzroy Square.
- Certainly, Mrs Hallowes.
- Mildred please.
- Come along, Penelope, we've a lot to do.
- Coming, Mummy.
I need to get you some warm knickers, bust bodices and you'll need some sensible shoes.
I don't know how you can be doing with that old bag.
Please, Maggie.
Mrs Hallowes is an old and valued customer.
She's already married off three of her daughters.
On their special day, not one of them has been allowed to outshine their mother.
Mildred's been drinking out of that.
Poor girls.
- Poor Andrew Lennox.
- Who's he? Captain Andrew Lennox, Royal Engineers - the future husband.
You know, Maggie, they say, if you want to know what your wife will look like in 30 years' time, - look at the mother.
- He could always join the Foreign Legion.
- That's where Alfie's such a lucky, young man.
- Yeah.
- My mum's lovely for her age, isn't she? - It's a shame you two never hit it off.
- You know I think the world of her.
- I know.
- Harvey, what a pleasant surprise.
- So this is where you hang your hat? - Oh, Dad.
- I believe that congratulations are in order.
- Who told you? - Your mum got me on the blower.
It's only a couple of stops so I thought I'd shoot straight over.
It's an half-carat solitaire with baguette shoulders and a platinum setting.
- (Telephone) - As long as you're doing it cos you want to.
- Not cos you have to.
- Don't worry, I've learned by your mistakes.
- It's Veronica.
- Veronica! - A bouncing baby girl.
- Hello? - 8lbs, 3½oz.
- Ooh! Phoebe Dorothy Greta? (All laugh) GEOFF: Vi? - Vi? - I can hear you.
Ah.
I thought you'd nodded off.
No, I was thinking.
It's cold in here.
The fire's gone out.
Come on, Vi, let's go to bed.
- No, don't you worry about me.
- But I do worry about you.
I care for you, don't I? I mean, we're man and wife, aren't we? Don't start all that all over again.
- All what? I ain't starting anything.
- No, you bet your socks you're not.
- Look, I'm sorry about this morning, Vi.
- It's got nothing to do with this morning.
It's just that, well, first thing, it sort of has a mind of its own.
You know I don't like that sort of talk.
- What else am I supposed to say? - I dunno.
I mean, maybe it might have been better if we'd never got wed.
- Oh, don't talk like that.
- No, I mean it.
I mean well, you've only been on your own a few years, I mean You still miss all that.
Well, it's 20 years since my Charlie passed over.
I mean Cor, blimey, I Never too late, Vi.
It's too late to learn an old dog new tricks, Geoff.
I don't want you to learn any new tricks.
I just want you to bone up on some of the old ones.
- Good evening.
- Oh, hello.
What? Still raining, is it? I'm afraid it is.
May I come in? I'm from the council.
- Cude.
- What? Mr Cude.
C-U-D-E.
- Prove it.
- Come again? - My mum says I shouldn't let people in unless - Oh, very sensible.
- Oh, yes, that'll do.
Come in.
- Thank you.
Take a pew.
My mum'll be home in a bit.
Here, Mr Cude, are you any good at jigsaws? I'm afraid not.
Oh, cos I can't find the top of King Henry's hat.
- There's always one like that, isn't there? - Yeah.
This is a very fine jigsaw.
Mm.
500 pieces, you know.
- My dad bought this for me.
- Oh? What time does he get home? About half-past six, but he won't be at Auntie Frieda's yet.
I need to speak to him about repairs to this prefabricated unit.
- Yeah, but it was my mum what wrote to you.
- Was it? - There we are.
- Oh, great.
So it was.
Still, best to speak to the man of the house, I always think.
- You are talking to him.
- I'm sorry, I don't quite - My dad don't live here.
- Oh? No, he's never lived here.
In fact, you were very lucky to catch me in.
- How about Miss Margaret Moon? - Mags? She'll be married and out of it soon.
- That only leaves your mother.
- And she's hardly ever here.
Ooh, must be Christmas.
Lovely weather for ducks.
Ooh! - Oh.
- This is Mr Cude, C-U-D-E, from the council.
- C-O-U-N-S - Yeah, all right, Stan.
- Have you come about the repairs? - Initially, but I'm afraid - I've gotta get out of this.
Come in the bedroom.
- I beg your pardon, madam? I bet you've never seen nothing like this.
There.
That's where it is.
Mrs Moon, I understand your husband doesn't live here.
What's that got to do with you? This accommodation is classified for a married couple with two children.
- If you and your husband are estranged - That's not any of your business.
It's council's business, I'm afraid.
There is a severe housing shortage.
You are occupying too large a unit.
So what do you want me to do? Move out? I think, almost certainly, yes.
(Children playing in distance) You have no right of appeal? No.
As far as the council are concerned, we've been living here under false pretences ever since Harvey came home from the war - and then didn't come home.
He did come home, but you slung him out.
- That is ancient history now, Margaret.
- I remember it.
I weren't even 11.
Has anyone told Harvey? He may know someone on the Middlesex County Council.
Harvey can't do sod all.
Anyway, he's at the seaside for the weekend.
- At least they've offered alternative housing.
- Oh, yeah, in Feltham.
I don't even know where Feltham is.
I know where Feltham is.
We have to play them at cricket.
It's three buses.
That means I've got to leave my school, my mates Don't worry, you're not gonna live in Feltham.
I'll just find somewhere to rent round here.
- What, in four weeks? - I wish I'd never put my house on the market.
- Don't be silly, Leo.
- I could tell the Nutleys I can't accept their offer.
That's sweet, but if we're gonna go through all this upheaval, I wanna end up in my own place at the end of it.
Well, as long as it ain't Feltham.
Listen, you, you'll live where you're told.
It was you opening your mouth to a stranger landed us in this mess.
- I ain't going to Feltham.
- You're like your father, shouting the odds.
- You never shout, do you? - No! You can't blame the boy, Rita.
Gawd! If only Veronica hadn't asked for her money back.
I knew it.
I knew you'd have to start on her.
- I'm not starting.
STAN: Yeah, well, I heard you say "Veronica".
- There's only one thing for it.
- No, Leo.
- No point in being stubborn.
- I can't.
- But I can spare the money.
- I couldn't pay you back.
Not immediately, perhaps, but you'd own the house, an appreciating asset.
- I dunno.
- Here, Mum.
Now Nan's moved out and Uncle Erich's dead, there must be loads of room in Auntie Frieda's.
I suppose I could pay you back, ten bob a week.
(Gulls cry) (Whistles) (Waves lapping) It's five past eight.
Did you sleep well, Mr Moon? Not a wink.
Bleeding seagulls.
You can call me Harvey, you know.
- Don't worry, Mr Moon, I know my business.
- (Knock at door).
- Who is it? - It's Mr Gerard with your early morning tea.
Come in, Mr Gerard.
Good morning.
I hope you and Mrs Brown slept well.
- Oh, yes, we did, didn't we, Harvey? - Like a top.
- Not all night, though, darling.
- Oh, no, not all night, darling.
I'd leave it to brew a little.
And er how are you and Mrs Brown enjoying Margate? Oh, we're having a lovely time.
I'm glad everything went according to plan.
Well, I think he's seen enough.
That'll do, Mr Moon.
Is that it? Can I go? It's a bit like going to the dentist, innit? You worry and you worry, then it's all over and you never felt a thing.
- Do you want this tea? - Yes, please.
- It's nice to have met you.
- Charmed.
You don't know what time the next train is back to London, do you? - Hang on, I think I've got a timetable in my bag.
- Oh.
It's a rum do, this Margate business, innit? It's a farce.
- Course, Harvey won't really get up to anything.
BOTH: No.
Well, that's why it's so ridiculous.
But, Violet, come on, you didn't come all this way to talk to me about Margate, did you? No, but, I mean, it's silly, isn't it? Him having to go down there and do that.
I mean W Don't you think, Frieda, the world would be a nicer place if we didn't have to worry about that sort of thing? Well, it's only to satisfy the law.
Yeah, if that's all we had to satisfy We? Violet, what do you mean? Now, if I didn't know you better - Are you taking the mickey? - No, I'm sorry.
How stupid of me.
I should have seen you were really troubled about something.
Well a bit potty, innit? Having to worry about that sort of thing at my age.
- Your age? - Well, I won't see 63 again.
I'm sorry to come and moan on your shoulder, Frieda, but I don't know anybody else.
You see, Harvey's always been my best friend, only Well, there's There's some things not meant for men's ears.
I've always been a bit shy about certain things.
Undressing, like, and Well, that's why I never go to the doctors, in case I have to go behind the screens.
Go on.
Well, Geoff thinks that our marriage should be, you know, proper.
But, of course, that's not such a terrible thing.
Your husband finds you attractive.
Oh.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I mean I I've had my moments in the past, but Cor, blimey! Now, Violet, really, you shouldn't denigrate yourself.
No, no, I'm not.
What? - Run yourself down.
- Oh, no, no.
No, but, you see, it's just that, well, when Geoff and me was courting, so to speak, I mean, he used to come round the flat and we'd have a bite to eat and a listen on my wireless and we'd keep each other company.
And, I suppose, I thought that, when we got married and I moved in with him well, things'd be just the same.
I mean, well, nothing'd change, really, except maybe he'd keep my feet warm.
You know something? I've always thought that there's more to marriage than that.
Just goes to show how much you can forget.
Course, they say the memory's the first to go.
I still don't think she looks like a Phoebe.
Oi! My mum was a Phoebe.
How do you know what your mum looked like? You can't even remember your mum.
Well, it don't mean I don't wanna remember her, do it? - What about my mum? - You don't even like your mum.
It's traditional in my family.
- What, not to like your mum? - No, no.
- If it's a girl, we always name it after its nan.
- Mm.
So Dilys has got to be in there somewhere.
Well, Dorothy's a bit like Dilys, innit? Only because it begins with a D.
We can't have Phoebe Greta Dorothy Dilys.
It don't sound right.
- It sounds all right to me.
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
- I hope I'm not intruding.
Well, that depends.
We don't know who you are.
- I'm the lady almoner.
- Oh, what? A real lady? Well, I certainly hope so.
You mean like Lady Docker? Oh, no.
No, no, not that sort of lady.
I do charity work with the hospital.
Oh, if you're collecting, ma'am, I'm sorry, cos I'm a bit short at the moment, - I mean, what with Dilys - Phoebe.
and everything, I've - That's what I've come to talk to you about.
Veronica, I understand that, when you leave the hospital, you'll have nowhere to live.
- Well, no, that's not true, we've - No, that's right, ma'am.
- We haven't got nowhere.
- Well, if I could take a few details Here, how can you take details of nowhere? Harvey.
I've been practising that on the back of my hand all the way home.
- You must have received some strange looks.
- Ooh, I've missed you.
- But you've only been away one night.
- Seemed like a lifetime.
- All night, hotel bedroom, gorgeous blonde - Was she blonde? - Was she gorgeous? - No, no.
She could crack slates with a glance.
Right, I've committed adultery in the eyes of the law.
Now, why don't you slip into something more comfortable? - You're wearing stockings.
- What about your mother? My mother won't like it, but my mother ain't getting it.
The detective sent down to catch me in flagrante in my pyjamas keeps telling me these jokes.
What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your underpants? - Oh, God.
- Your mother, on wash day.
What? Your mother.
She washes your underpants, right, and then she hangs 'em out Ah! - So he still ain't been to visit, your dad? - No.
I don't care, though.
I've got Ian and Phoebe.
I bet you can't even spell Phoebe.
P-H-O-E-B-E.
Is that right? So, Veronica, have you found anywhere to live yet? - We can go and stay with my mum and dad - We can afford a house of our own now.
No hard feelings, eh, Mrs Moon? What, about the money? Oh, no.
No.
Mind you, it is gonna be a big responsibility, you know, owning your own property.
You've got the mortgage to pay, you've got the insurance, the rates, the bills, and there's no-one to look after the upkeep, like when you're with the council.
- The council don't look after the upkeep, cos - Maggie! We'll be able to manage on Ian's wages.
Well, I still think we should be looking for somewhere to rent for a bit.
Ian.
Ah, ain't she beautiful? - Who? - Phoebe.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- She's got Vern's eyes.
Has she? No, she's lovely.
VERONICA: Oh, I'm ever so lucky.
Here, what time is it? It's four o'clock.
Oh, she's ready for her feed now.
- Right.
Here you are.
- Thanks, Mags.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Lovely.
Thanks for coming.
I'm glad everything worked out for you, Veronica.
- Thanks, Mrs Moon.
BOTH: Bye.
Bye.
I'm gonna feed the baby now, Alfie.
MARGARET: Alfie! - Yeah? - Come on! - Oh.
- See you.
- See you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Hooray! Went quite well, I thought.
- You think so? Well, first time, all right.
Next time Dr Galton has an emergency call out, you can take the chair.
He wasn't any too pleased at the thought of your taking it today.
- How do you mean? - With all this talk about your divorce, Galton was worrying you might bring the magistracy into disrepute.
I told him you'd resign before you allowed that.
- Well, that's very nice of you.
- Don't mention it.
If you think I'm gonna step down just cos of some tittle-tattle at the Tory Club bar I've heard they're not pleased with you in the Labour Club bar either.
Apparently, quite a few of your comrades want to drop you in time for the next election.
I thought it only right to let you know.
You're doing me all kinds of favours today, ain't you? - Well, I'm on your side.
- You're a Tory.
That's why I'm all for a scandal-haunted lame duck Socialist trying to hold on in Downs ward.
Don't worry.
We'd win if Casanova was standing for Labour.
And, of course, Mrs Moon - oh, please go on ahead - you are not overlooked at the back.
You've got a clear view right down to the River Lea.
- Ultra-modern bathroom.
- Mm.
And this, of course, would be the master bedroom for you and Mr Moon.
Eh? Oh, yeah, it would.
How much did you say it was? - £975 freehold.
- Well, I'm very taken.
Well, that is a very reasonable price for this part of Edmonton.
I thought this was Tottenham.
Well, I think you'll find the boundary runs along the middle of the road.
Bearing in mind the housing shortage - Smallest room.
- Oh.
So how come no-one's living here now, then? Well, it's one of those things, Mrs Moon.
It ain't haunted, is it? Oh, you heard about? Ah, well, you hear rumours, you know.
Of course, people exaggerate.
It was very sad.
Wing Commander Hodge came back from the Far East, found his wife - Oh, I'm sure you can imagine.
- What? Well, she was er, with an Australian master sergeant.
No.
Oh, there were hundreds of women like that in the war, Mrs Moon.
- Never.
- I'm sorry if I shock you.
Anyway, he killed them both with his bayonet, then blew out his brains with his service Browning.
- Where? - No, no, no, it's all right.
It was in the back garden.
Wing Commander Hodge was very house-proud.
Mm.
I suppose you don't wish to proceed with the purchase.
Oh, no, I'm not superstitious.
Oh, excellent.
Shall we say £900? - Well, one of you's got to make a move.
- It's not gonna be me.
Supposing Geoff don't come round here and beg you to come back? Well, I just start paying Frieda rent again.
- She won't mind, will you, Frieda? - No, but And all this boils down to Geoff not wanting to change the wallpaper? Well, there was a bit more to it than that.
- What? - I'm not telling you.
Do you know? - Yes, but I'm not telling you.
- (Pips beep on wireless) Right, well, I'll have to go and have a word with Geoff myself.
- You'll do no such thing.
WIRELESS: This is the seven o'clock news.
I feel like a cup of tea.
- Anyone join me? - I'll do it - you did the vegetables.
- Sssh! I wanna listen.
- All right, no-one's stopping you.
in and out of the Allied sectors of Berlin.
- You sure I can't help you, Frieda? - No, it's fine.
Mr Ernest Bevin, the Foreign Secretary, said in the House today that "The West could not give way to Russian blackmail".
Right, it's amazing, innit? The Russians are on our side through the war, now we're against 'em and we're protecting the Germans, or at least responsible for 'em.
- It's ironic, innit, Frieda? - Don't ask me to weep for the Germans, - just because their rations are being reduced.
- (Doorbell) I'll get it.
Look, it's just the two of us, in private.
What's going on? It's none of your business and I'm not telling you.
- It's Geoff, innit? - I'm not telling.
If I did, you'd only chew on it.
Come in.
Harvey, it's Councillor Vaughan for you.
- Harvey.
- Col, what can I do for you? Kettle's on, if you want a cuppa.
Is there somewhere we can talk private? Blimey, there's another one at it.
- I'll go to the kitchen.
- Well, we don't have any secrets, do we? - Have I called at a bad time? - Yeah.
Sit down.
Harvey, er there's been some talk within the Party about your erm My what? Your marital readjustment.
- My divorce? - Yes.
In the light of the Tories winning the by-election, last year It's only cos the Commies split the vote.
It's not that we don't appreciate all the work you've done for the Party, in the council chamber, not to mention your committee work Are they asking me to hand in my resignation? I told 'em you'd understand.
I won't be long, Harvey.
A bit peculiar, cooking in somebody else's kitchen.
Frieda won't mind.
Be glad of the night off.
Bad enough getting used to Geoff's, but Frieda's got two of everything.
- Saucepans, cutlery - That's all Erich's stuff.
Oh? I didn't know he liked to cook.
Well, Jewish people, they don't mix milk with meat, see.
- Oh.
Why? - Oh, how do I know? I ain't a bleeding rabbi.
All right, all right.
No need to jump down my throat.
I'm sorry, Mum, but I've had a terrible battering.
Imagine being told in one day that you're liable to be flung off the bench and out the council.
Why? Cos they're a bunch of bleeding hypocrites, that's why.
I mean, nobody said anything when I was separated from Rita and walking out with Frieda but, as soon as I try and sort my life out, put things in order Don't be stupid, Harvey.
You've got Frieda, you've got Stanley, you've got a lovely daughter who's going to get married to a fine bloke.
Think how much more time you'll have with your family when you give up this public service malarkey.
I might have known you'd come up with something.
Well, if anybody's got cause to grouse, it's me.
This "public service malarkey" as you call, ain't just to make me feel a big wheel.
I meet people, make contacts, better myself.
- It affects all the family.
- Well, that's history now, Harvey.
- I don't have to resign.
- No, can wait till they chuck you off.
I could always pre-empt 'em.
- What? - I could pre-empt 'em.
Just because you're upset, there's no need to talk rude.
- I've got to use the water works.
- It's off the hall.
- No-one had better touch my hotels.
- As if I would.
- I'll know if you do.
- Well, go on, then.
- Only I'm allowed to do that to Mickey.
- (Tuts) Oh, God.
About time.
I thought it was half-day closing.
Don't show off in front of your friend, Stanley, I'll have to pull your trousers down.
This game's been going on for ages.
What did you do, bunk off school? No, they sent us home early from games because it was raining.
- Whose turn? - Yours.
Stanley just landed on the Strand, but don't worry, he paid you.
- Here, you're twins.
- We're triplets.
- Yeah, our brother's ill.
- Ah.
- Shall we carry on after school tomorrow? BOTH: Yeah.
They didn't have to go, Stanley.
Are you ashamed of your mother? I just didn't want 'em around, cos I've got a bone to pick with you.
- What about? - Buying a house without asking me or Mags.
- What's it to you? I'm paying the mortgage.
- Yeah, but I'll have to live there, won't I? Maggie, she'll be married and gone soon, but me Well, I had to get my offer in quick.
It's a bargain.
It's only 900 quid.
You're joking.
You could've bought the whole of Park Lane for 350.
Oh, Mr Slinn, come in.
Lovely.
I'm glad I've caught you in, Mrs Moon.
I tried to tele telephone your shop.
- I was buying furniture, down Piccadilly.
- Oh, dear.
- What? I fear you may have acted a little hastily.
I thought Hodge's executioners had accepted my offer? Executors, yeah, provisionally.
I thought you said no-one else would touch that house.
STAN: Why? - Never you mind.
Unfortunately, yesterday, a young couple viewed the premises and offered the asking price.
Who? I'm not at liberty to say, but they do have a young baby.
They were still arguing about what to call it when they left.
Erm Mr Slinn, this might be a complete shot in the dark, but was she a fat girl, a bit simple, and she had a little bloke with her, dark? - And her name was Veronica? - Good God, how do you know? Does this mean I lose the house? I would not have come here just to bring bad news, Mrs Moon.
You see, it is my professional opinion that, although this young couple may have sufficient funds to cover the deposit and so on, they may have the greatest difficulty in meeting the mortgage repayments.
- So? - So if you could match their offer Now this isn't some cock and bull story you've made up to bump up your commission? - No-one could invent Veronica, Mum.
- No.
And the house would still be a bargain, Mrs Moon.
But I've just spent 30 quid on furniture.
(Telephone rings) Hello, Madame Phyllis? Oh, Mum.
No.
No, he's gone racing at Ally Pally.
What? 30 quid? Look, I know Leo wouldn't mind, but I can't just dip in the till, can I? Yeah, I know you would.
Anyway, I've just done the till and we've only got £75s 8d in money.
Well, it isn't Tottenham, is it? We've got cheques and account customers.
All right, all right, calm down and tell us why you need the money in such a tearing hurry.
- You ain't up the spout, are you? - Young lady, you wash your mouth FRIEDA: Harvey! - Hold on.
- Supper's on the table.
- Won't be a minute.
- What are you doing? - Don't come in.
Ridiculous.
You have nothing I haven't already seen.
Have you ever seen one of these? Well I'm lost for words.
Still fits pretty well, doesn't it? Yes.
I can always move this button here.
So what's happening? Are we going to a fancy dress party? - Is supper really on the table? - Well, no.
Nearly.
Sit down.
You remember telling me, when you were a little girl, how dashing you thought Erich was in his uniform? Yes? Well What about the red one? You know, the one I wore to Olive's 21 st.
Oh, don't be stupid.
You know it's too big.
- I ain't that fat.
- In the bust.
Well, pad it out, or something.
- What with? - Stanley's football socks.
Yeah? And what about when he kisses me goodnight? Gets a handful of football kit.
Well, it's better than a handful of nothing.
What about one of my mum's dresses, then? Oh, no, I couldn't.
Not without asking.
Yes, you could.
Of course you could.
She wouldn't even know.
- She would.
I couldn't, not without asking.
- All right, then, don't, Janice.
- What about this navy one, eh? - Go on, then.
Try it on.
Wouldn't it be embarrassing if your mum caught me in one of her dresses? - I wish that was all I had to worry about.
- Oh, it'll be all right.
- Do you think this is long enough? - I mean, the last time I saw him, I had an half-carat solitaire with baguette shoulders and a platinum setting on my finger.
- Are these Stanley's socks? - (Sighs) It ain't gonna work.
- Oh, look, he won't even notice.
- Do me a favour, Janice.
Look at it.
- Oh.
- It's all right, we got it.
Oh, Janice, that looks nice.
You're not gonna wear those socks? - What you done to your hand? - There you are, you see.
- I want the 30 quid back for my ring tomorrow.
- Ssh! Alfie's outside.
Hello all.
Back in one piece.
- Hello.
- Hello, Mags.
- What've you done to your hand? - (Shrieks) - Oh, don't ask.
It was really stupid.
- Go on, then, tell us.
Well, er, I - She caught it, in the night safe.
- Yeah, it was night.
- Martins bank, Southampton Road, weren't it? - It's notorious.
I don't know why they call it a safe.
It's not safe, is it? - It's not broken, is it? - Oh, no.
- No, it's just bad bruising, the doctor said.
- I meant the safe.
(Laughter) I don't know.
I fight Mad Hugh Fraser, get away with a cut lip.
- Oh, Alfie.
- Don't worry, it don't hurt to kiss.
Eurgh! Ooh! So you went all the way to Scotland just for a good hiding? Well, 50 nicker ain't bad for losing, is it? When you did that, what happened to the ring? Well, my fingers were swelling up, so I was advised to take it off, before it cut off my circulation.
- Oh.
So erm - So what would you do with it? I don't know.
Put it somewhere safe.
- Well, it is somewhere safe.
- Where? Alfie, do you want those flowers in water, or do you prefer 'em dried? - Thanks, Mrs Moon.
- Not at all.
- So where is it? - Round her neck.
- What? - No, no, it's not round hers, it's round my neck.
- It's round my neck.
- I'd better check the damage.
- (Horn honks) - Oh, my taxi, look.
I'll have to go.
See you later.
- See you all.
BOTH: Bye.
There, he didn't twig, did he? I want the 30 quid back for my ring tomorrow, all right, because - Careful! - You know there's nothing wrong with it.
All right, I'll speak to Leo in the morning.
- I'm going.
- Have a nice time.
- Are you seeing Veronica today? - No, tomorrow.
Give her my love, will you? Poor old thing, she never has any luck.
What do you mean? She's got Phoebe, she's got Ian - I mean her being after the same house as you.
- I'll see you tomorrow, Janice.
You never told me Veronica was after the same house as you.
- Oh, didn't I? - No.
You know you never.
How am I gonna face her? She's my best friend and I've helped make her homeless.
Yeah, well, I am very sorry about Veronica, but the family comes first.
- She's still got my money.
- They're discharging her tomorrow.
- She's gonna be out on the streets.
- Well, the council will take care of her.
I don't think I could've lied to Alfie if I'd known about Veronica.
- That's part of growing up.
- I hate lying to him.
If you're gonna marry him, you might as well get used to it.
Hello, Harvey.
What's all this? Been listening to your Vera Lynn records? Should've told me you're having a party.
- I'm re-enlisting, ain't I? - Oh, yeah? Frieda Gottlieb, my intended, my mother, Mrs Moon, the Hackney Gazette.
- What's the date today? - It's April something.
Why? - It's not April the 1 st, is it? - Eh? It's not your idea of an April Fool's trick, is it? The freedom of the free world is under threat.
There's no joke about that.
So you're chucking your job to re-enlist.
Well, only till Joe Stalin realises he can't push the Allies around over Berlin.
- No-one's even talking about joining up again.
- No, they ain't.
That's what makes it news, innit? I don't have to teach you your job, do I? Course not.
So you're doing this out of pure patriotism? Mm.
- You sure there's no ulterior motive? - Shame on you for even suggesting it.
Now, what could I be thinking about? What could I be thinking about? You do owe me a favour.
Your son's a very unusual fellow, Mrs Moon.
That's cos I dropped him on his head when he was a baby.
She never said that.
That's off the record.
All right, Harvey.
I'll see what I can do.
- I won't print it, but it makes a lot of sense.
- What? About you being dropped on your head, when you was a Ta-ta.
Went rather well, I thought.
I think you're completely cuckoo.
I don't believe you're really going through with this.
It's only for the duration of the airlift.
It'll be over by Christmas at the latest.
That's what they said in 1914.
Are you doing anything Saturday fortnight, Mags? You know I keep my weekends free for you.
Can't you save this smoochy stuff for later? I'm trying to eat my sandwich.
- Then eat it in your bedroom.
- No, cos I'll get crumbs in the bed.
So what's so special about Saturday fortnight, then? - I've been offered an eliminator.
- What? 200 quid, Southern Area title, win, lose or draw.
Why are you telling me this? You know I hate it.
- Turned it down.
- Really? I thought you didn't want me to box.
I know, but, I mean, 200 quid You always said you'd stop fighting when I stopped fighting.
- So? - So I booked us into a nice hotel in Westcliffe.
- I thought we might go the distance at last.
- You dirty sod.
I'll have to ask Leo for the day off.
She's got it.
Well, she'd better keep it to herself, cos we don't want it.
I got a call to the salon.
My mortgage is through, it's full-steam ahead.
I've been saving this for a special occasion.
- I'll get the glasses.
- They're in the sideboard.
Where are the glasses? I haven't had champagne since I was - Ooh! You washed them! - Yeah.
(Giggles) I haven't had champagne since I was with Connie Rosenthal at the Pink Flamingo, only it wasn't champagne then, it was cider and we never told the customers.
- I wish Dad was here.
- Oh, he'll come and see us in the new house.
No, I mean I wish he weren't going back in the RAF.
- I know your dad as well as anyone.
- (Knock at door) He ain't doing this cos he loves the people of Berlin.
I'm afraid I may have called at an inconvenient moment.
Yes, you have.
Er, Mum, it's Mr Cude from the council.
What does he want? I'll take that for you.
- Yeah? - I'm sorry to call at such a late hour, but I'm afraid I must ask if I can show some prospective tenants around.
- Now? - You told us you were giving up the tenancy.
Oh, well, all right, then.
- So can I have the day off, Saturday fortnight? - Certainly you can.
- Why? - Alfie's got some relatives in Westcliffe.
- We thought we might visit 'em.
- I haven't got any relat - Yes, you have.
- Yes, of course you have.
Well, where are they? Well, I'm afraid I asked them to meet me here five minutes ago.
I tell you what, I'll leave the door on the latch.
When they get here, you pop your head in.
All right? He only wants to show some people round the prefab.
- We'd better tidy, then.
- Oh, no, leave it.
It's not as though we're gonna get anything for it.
Come to think of it, I've poured 500 quid in rent down the drain since we've been here.
- They're here.
- Well, you show 'em round.
- You know the place as well as anyone.
- Okey-dokey.
I don't like him.
- To 38 Fairmead Avenue, and the Moons.
- (Laughs) Surprise, surprise! I bet you didn't guess it'd be me.
- Oh, no.
- Hello.
STAN: Veronica! - Hello, stranger.
- Oh, I I thought you was gonna be down the allotment.
Oh? Doing a bit of larceny, are we? No, well, er (Clears throat) I'm just collecting a few of my things.
Are you all right? Bearing up.
- You? - Yeah.
Yes, Frieda's been very nice about things.
Gets a bit lonely at night, in the evening, I mean.
Yeah.
I expect Frieda and Harvey are a great comfort to you.
Oh, well, er, I mean, I don't like to intrude.
- I was gonna give you a tinkle.
- Well, why didn't you, then? - Well, I was hoping you might get in touch first.
- But you're not on the blower.
No, you know what I mean.
I was down Wood Green, this morning.
Oh, Geoffrey Barratt! I was gonna put it up at the weekend and then get you over.
- Oh! Where did you get it? - I looked all over, - but they had some at the Co-op.
- Aw.
I've missed you.
Oh, you daft ha'p'orth.
I'm sorry, Vi.
Well, takes two to make a quarrel.
Are you any good at paper hanging? No, but I'm a dab hand with a teapot.
I'll put the kettle on.
You'd better unpack first.
Come! (Big Ben chimes) Corporal Moon H, 245611, sir.
At ease.
Easy.
Good to see you, Moon.
Sit down.
No need to stand on ceremony.
After all, you are a civilian now.
- But my heart has always been with the RAF.
- Commendable.
Very commendable.
That's why I wanna do my bit over this Berlin business.
- Yes, of course.
Your letter was very moving.
- Thank you, sir.
- But we're not recalling reservists to the ranks.
- I know that.
The Government feel that those that did their bit during the war should not be recalled.
But I've got special skills.
With respect, Moon, we're not recalling pilots, let alone store clerks.
But with respect to you, sir, this airlift, it's nothing more than a huge warehousing operation, and that is my area of expertise - warehouses.
Yes, of course.
Thank you very much.
I really wanna help.
I'm afraid it's "Not today, thank you".
I've taken the day off work.
What did you want me to come for if you're gonna waste my time? We thought we owed you the courtesy of a personal interview.
After all, you are somewhat of a dignitary in your own locality.
Justice of the Peace, Borough Councillor Unlike some, you appear to have found your niche in Civvie Street.
- Yeah, well, things ain't always what they seem.
- Sorry? - Nothing.
Thanks for your time.
- No, no, no, no.
Thank you, Moon.
I'll see you out.
No, no, it's all right.
I can find my own way.
Bloody silly, really.
Lost the real one, jumping over Antwerp.
Should've tried a parachute, eh? - Good luck, Moon.
- Thank you, sir.
Elsmith, ensure that Corporal Craig sees Mr Moon right off the premises.
There's something rather odd about the man.
- How are you? - Fine, thanks.
Oh, listen.
Your father isn't feeling very well.
- It's Stanley.
- Frieda! - Oh.
- Hello, Dad.
- What's up? - I'm feeling a bit under the weather.
Well, that'll change, when you're back in the RAF.
But they turned me down.
How could they? They ain't allowed to.
You're a Justice of the Peace, highly respected member of Hackney Council.
Chairman of the Leisure and Amenities Committee, member of the Housing Committee.
- Where did you get all that from? - It's in the local paper.
Ain't you read it? - I couldn't bring myself to buy a copy.
- Can't wait till I take that to my school.
Mr Compton'll read it out in assembly, I bet.
- Well, your journalist friend's done you proud.
- But they didn't want me.
"Councillor swaps red tape for spit and polish.
Harvey Moon, Justice of the Peace" Da-da-di-da! Here.
"He's being hailed as a local hero, after announcing he is giving up his promising career - to play his party in the Berlin airlift".
- Shame there ain't a picture.
"Councillor Colin Vaughan, Deputy Leader of the Labour group said, 'Harvey Moon is a true patriot, as well as a skilful politician.
His place on our benches is assured upon his return.
"' You see, it's not all bad news.
What are they gonna say on Monday, when I turn up? I think I'll buy another copy.
It'll look great on the wall in my new bedroom.
Here, this is Auntie Frieda's room, innit? - It's our room now, Stanley.
- Frieda! - Oh, come on.
- Well Why have you moved down, Dad? I mean, I'm looking forward to having a room of my own.
Look, son, when you're older, you'll understand.
Oh, I get it.
I suppose the stairs do get a bit much at your age.