The Avengers (1961) s04e08 Episode Script
A Surfeit of H2O
1 [Thunder claps.]
[Thunder claps.]
[Thunder claps.]
[Steed.]
This is where he was found.
Ted Barker, resident of Lower Storpington for 42 years.
Snare setter, pheasant fancier, partridge pincher.
You mean the local poacher.
How did he die? Inhalation of fluid resulting in asphyxia.
He was drowned right here.
In the middle of a field? But that's impossible.
All the same, that's what happened.
Strange, isn't it? - Mm.
- So's this.
There's a chap called Jonah Barnard and he keeps writing to the "Times".
- It's the tenth time this month.
- Have all the letters been like this? I Identical! Here we are.
"We should all start building our arks because the great flood is coming.
" [Chuckles.]
Ted Barker lived there.
His brother Eli is still there.
Chance for me to weave my home-spun charm, eh? That's the idea.
I'm going to Jonah Barnard.
Meet me there.
Treat Eli warily.
He's a weird old bird.
The power of evil, that's what Ted had in him.
The power of evil.
I warned him, but he paid me no heed.
He turned a sinner's deaf ear to my words and so he fell into the pit of iniquity.
Do you take milk, Mrs Peel? - Hm? - Milk? Oh, yes, thank you.
My own brother with the mark of sin upon him! [Thunder rumbles.]
He wasn't always like that, sinful.
No, at heart.
He wasn't really bad.
[Chuckles.]
Did a bit of poaching now and again, but poaching isn't like stealing, is it? Did he do much fishing? [Thunder rumbles.]
- I said did he do much fishing? - Fishing? Oh, there were blue skies this morning, too.
No, he'd be hard pressed to go fishing.
There isn't a river for miles and Ted wasn't one for travelling far.
- Then how do you account for his death? - The demon drink! Oh.
Did he drink much? I wouldn't sit there, Mrs Peel! Not there! It'll spoil your fine city clothes.
Oh Thank you.
It's been like this for months now.
This rain, this torrential rain.
But the people, they don't understand, see.
They don't realise.
And they've been told.
They've been warned, but they don't realise it's a sign.
All the signs around them, yet still they do not heed.
Oh, you mean about the warnings of the flood? - Ah, you've heard? - Well, I've heard about Jonah Barnard.
A great man! A fine man! - You really believe the flood is coming? - Believe? I know.
It's my seaweed, see.
- It's always wet.
- Oh.
Well, I can't be sat here gossiping.
Time's running out.
I must be helping Jonah.
Helping him to spread the word.
Er, Mr Barker, you were telling me about your brother.
You say he drank too much.
Imbibed on stolen liquors.
- Stolen? - Aye.
He thought he was unobserved.
But I saw him sneaking into Grannie Gregson's.
- Grannie Gregson's? - Grannie Gregson's Glorious Grogs, Inc.
Just beyond the village.
A factory engaged in the fermentation of intoxicating liquors.
And you actually saw him going in there? Late at night.
Creeping in to steal liquors.
To gorge on glorious grogs! And that was his undoing, you see.
When he slipped and fell.
Into the pit of iniquity.
No, into Grannie's sparkling spring water.
Well, you make yourself at home, Mrs Peel, and finish your cup of tea.
Spring water? Yes.
They've got tanks of it at the factory.
Tanks big enough for a man to drown in.
Hm.
[Sighs.]
[Thunder rumbles.]
You see, my friends? You see? And the Lord said to Noah, "The end of all flesh is before me, "for the earth is filled with violence.
"And behold, I will destroy them with the earth!" That's what the Lord said.
Now, my friends, within the humble walls of this barn my salvation is growing.
And your salvation, too, if you will grasp it.
- Here, my friends, is my ark! - [Man.]
Burn it! I have seen the signs of nature, my friend, and they do not lie.
It is a forewarning! A hint of impending doom of Nemesis! Friends, the flood is coming.
Aye, and so is Christmas! My friends, please! Please heed me! For behold it came to pass after seven days that the waters of the flood were upon the earth! Friends, the flood is coming! You'll have to learn how to swim, then! Act and act now! Take unto your families and build your arks, as I am building mine now! Yeah, the animals came in two by two! No, no.
Listen to him.
He speaks the truth! Brothers! Brothers, I implore you! Listen to me.
I have seen the signs in the sky.
My friends, please act! Act! It's no use.
No use.
You were marvellous, Jonah.
Fire and brimstone that speech was.
Fire and brimstone! I have failed.
But you did your best, Jonah.
You did your best.
- Not good enough.
- Most interesting address! This ark of yours.
It will really stand up to all weather? It will resist storm and tempest.
First-class timbers throughout of the finest British oak.
You did not close your ears to me.
You believe? I think it's a theory worth investigating.
Steed, John Steed.
Delighted to meet you, sir.
I am Jonah Barnard and this is Eli.
- How are you? - You see, Eli? My words did not fall entirely on barren soil.
Oh, sir, you give me fresh heart.
New hopes! Eli it's a sign.
Our work must go on! Yes! I go to spread the word, Jonah.
- Hallelujah! - Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah.
Mr Steed, as you see, I am a simple man, but you are more than welcome to my table.
Thank you.
What turn of fate set your footsteps to my door, Mr Steed? - I read your letters in the "Times".
- You did? - You've had warning of the flood? - Oh, indeed I have.
- Something more positive than this? - Butterflies.
- In the stomach? - In the district.
The Marsh Fritillary.
Oh, rare little creature usually found in watery districts.
But lately the village has been swarming with them.
And then there's the birds.
The birds, the bearded tits in from the marshland.
Suddenly every tree is alive and bristling with their twitterings.
I tell you, Mr Steed, this part of the country is renowned for its dryness.
Yet we are invaded by creatures known to inhabit watery places.
The balance the balance of nature is disturbed.
Doom is in the air.
Well, it's odd, I'll grant you, but not conclusive.
How do you account for the weather we've been having lately? You can't convince me with that, not in this country.
Mr Steed, suppose you saw the same cloud in the same position in the sky every day.
[Tuts.]
Impossible you say? But I have seen such a thing.
The same cloud in the same position in the sky, unchanging.
Save that each day it gets a little larger.
- Is it there today? - It's there every day.
Come.
I'll show you.
On the chair, if you please.
There.
Over the wine factory.
Sorry, I'm late, Doctor.
The weather, you know.
Yes, most inclement.
Try this.
What do you think of it? A little bit too dry.
[Chuckles.]
Yes.
[Phone buzzes.]
- Yes? - Dr Sturm, there's a Mrs Peel to see you.
What does she want? Do you know? It's something to do with a man named Barker, Ted Barker.
'I'm coming.
' - He'll be with you in a moment.
- Thank you.
- Mrs Peel.
- Doctor Sturm.
I'm afraid I'm very busy.
Then I'll come to the point.
It's about Ted Barker! Oh, yes.
I remember.
Very tragic.
Well? He was found in a field nearby.
As a matter of fact, that field over there.
The extraordinary thing about it is he was drowned.
- I am familiar with the facts.
- You have water tanks in the area.
Tell me, Mrs Peel, what is your interest? Are you a relative of the dead man trying to extort compensation? No.
I am a journalist, a freelance journalist.
When I heard about it I thought there might be a story.
Our tanks are within the compound of the factory.
Our security is very strict.
No outsider could enter without our knowledge.
We need feel no responsibility.
Then you have no objection to my looking around the area? I have the strongest objections.
Good day, Mrs Peel.
Dr Sturm! Good day to you, Mrs Peel.
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
[Knock on door.]
Mrs Peel! It's you again! You should be preparing.
The flood cometh! Yes, well, I've put a down payment on a canoe.
I want to know more about your brother.
He's gone.
There's no more to be said.
You saw him going into the factory? Several times.
Late at night.
Could you show me the place? Eli We have a responsibility now, don't we? We got to remove temptation from the path of potential sinners.
- If there's a way in to the factory - There's a way in, all right.
I could have it blocked off.
We don't want Grannie's Grog to claim another victim! now, do we? There's a way in through one of the storage huts on the north side.
Meet me there at nine o'clock.
[Door shuts.]
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Mr Steed.
- You haven't seen a young lady? - Mrs Peel? - Yes, I told her to meet me here.
- She was in.
Some time ago.
Tell me is she a very sinful woman? I beg your pardon? This Mrs Peel She looks so charming.
But then you can never tell by appearances.
Sure we're talking about the same person? Yes, Mrs Peel.
Tall, slim, very attractive.
It's a pity, a great pity, because she doesn't seem a sinful woman.
- Then why should you think she is? - It's what she said! She came in, left a message for you, but you're not to worry.
She was going into the pit of iniquity.
[Tuts.]
- Is that all she said? - That's all.
[Wind howling.]
Eli? Eli? [Thunder rumbles.]
- Drowned, you say? - Yes.
Poor Eli.
And I promised him salvation from the flood.
It was not to be.
Poor Eli.
It could have been an accident.
He decided to sip the surreptitious sap and slipped.
Splash.
Impossible.
Eli was a teetotaller.
When the finger of temptation beckons Also, it was a water tank.
There seems to be a surfeit of H2O in this vicinity.
How's your meteorological science? Bright in patches.
There's equipment waiting at the station.
Ordinarily I'd collect it, but Extraordinarily you would collect it! We'll meet here in an hour.
I've got to buy some wine.
Can I help you? Any time.
Er, Steed, John Steed of Steed, Steed, Steed, Steed, Steed & Jacques Limited.
Wine merchants extraordinary.
- How did Jacques get in? - He didn't.
He doesn't exist.
But in the wine trade you must have that French touch, so I invented Jacques.
- Do your relatives approve? - Eh? "Steed, Steed, Steed" As a matter of fact, I invented them, too.
Looks better on the card.
So you are the real Steed.
I am he and I have the pleasure of - Joyce Jason.
- Delighted.
I have an appointment.
- Dr Sturm told me to look after you.
- Even more delighted.
You want to buy some of our wines? Oh, yes.
That was my intention.
Surely your method of fermentation is a little primitive.
It's more like chutney, that mighty cucumber.
Oh, that was 60 years ago.
Things have changed since then.
Especially since Dr Sturm took over.
When was that? Two years ago.
He's introduced modern equipments, scientific apparatus.
Well, I hope I might be privileged to meet him.
Well, I don't know, but Oh, come now! If I like what I see, I shall make a very substantial order.
- You want to sell your wine, don't you? - Of course we do.
It's just that Dr Sturm, he doesn't like people prying.
Appraising, Miss Jason.
I shall be appraising his ingenuity.
One doesn't buy the tree without sampling the fruit.
But our catalogue is very comprehensive.
Catalogue? "Honeyed bla'berry wine"? That means nothing to me, Miss Jason! Where is the tang of blue blackberries gathered in the early-morning dew by barefoot peasant girls? The rich nectared taste of honey syrup? Not here, but here, the sun glinting on amber liquid.
And here, the nostrils assaulted by the heady aromatics of a perfect bouquet.
And here, most of all here, rolling, smooth syrup sweet liquid around the mouth.
Alerting the taste buds, savouring the sheer sensuality of a unique experience! Ha, I have a very acute palate, Miss Jason.
I'm very sorry, but I really cannot find any help in this catalogue.
I'll talk to Dr Sturm.
We know nothing about this man.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have agreed.
Don't be silly.
I told you, I checked on him when he made his appointment.
He's a bona fide wine merchant.
But letting him wander loose Suppose he sees something? What can he see? Our secret process is our secret.
[Jason.]
Mr Steed? This way.
[Door opens.]
- Thank you.
- [Sturm.]
Good morning, Mr Steed.
- Dr Sturm? - Yes.
And my assistant, Martin Smythe.
How do you do? It's extremely kind of you to let me look around.
If you're going to sell our wine, I think you should have a look around.
Now, this is our main distillation area.
Distillation of wine? Oh, I see what you mean.
We ferment our wine, of course.
The final distillation is merely to ensure the perfect quality.
Over there we have the plant which cleans and prepares our raw material.
And this is one of our pulping presses.
You see, the old method of treading won't do for us.
- Oh? - No, we make vegetable wine, Mr Steed.
Have you ever tried to tread potatoes? - Oh, point taken! - There you are.
It's my own design by the way.
Here, on this panel, I can control the drop of the press.
Accurately to ten-thousand of an inch, so we can pulp yet not bruise.
Now watch this, Mr Steed.
This is a solid piece of brass.
There.
All I do is lift this lever.
Remarkable! 40 tonnes to the square inch, Mr Steed.
- Quite a giant.
- Yet a gentle giant.
- You designed it yourself? - Every inch of it.
A long way from wine-making.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
After all, it's an improvement on the old method, isn't it? But then I dabble in many things You're too modest.
That's a fine engineering feat! Thank you very much, Mr Steed.
Well, we won't bore you much longer.
I'm sure you'd like to see our wine store.
The main purpose of my visit.
Thank you very much indeed! Ha! Scientific, very scientific! Er, thank you, gentlemen.
[Door shuts.]
Oh, Martin, you worry too much! I think you'll find this a rather surprising wine, not unlike a dry hock.
- [Coughs.]
What is it? - Old bark.
Must have put the dog in, too! - This then, a sparkling buttercup.
- Buttercup, eh? Mmm.
Now that's more my cup of tea.
Filthy day! It must have been a great year for buttercups.
You've decided, then? I'll be pleased to take your order.
Delicious.
I always wondered why cows had that contented look.
Thought it must be something to do with bulls.
- It's obviously the buttercups.
- I don't want to rush you It's raining cats and dogs! What terrible weather! but I am rather busy.
I'm sorry.
I'll take a couple of gross of these.
Confirm with you later.
- Er, this way.
- Oh.
- Lovely weather we're not having! - Leave this way.
You've been a very great help.
Well, I'll be paddling along.
[Thunder rumbles.]
Dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Dear, oh Ah, Mrs Peel, science cannot avert the approaching doom.
But science will at least prepare us for it.
Oh, I can see you do not believe in the flood.
You think I'm just a crazy old man! I'm not prepared to believe anything until I've made a thorough investigation.
What, with a portable weather machine? I wish I could make you see.
- Help you to believe! - Have you shown her the cloud? - All set, Mrs Peel? - What's all this about a cloud? It's a permanent fixture, isn't it, Jonah? Same cloud, same place every day.
It's a sign.
It's a cloud.
You can see it from over there.
I suggest you have a look.
We can go out later and find out what your box of tricks makes of it all.
You get a better view from the chair.
Oh, yes.
Near the wine factory.
As a matter of fact, it's just over the field where Ted Barker was found.
- Dr Sturm - Yes? There.
In the field.
It's impossible, Steed.
Quite impossible.
A humidity reading as high as this.
Is that bad? To get a reading as high, you'd have to be in Brazil jungle or equatorial Africa, but here in England it's unheard of.
- Yet here it is.
- Mm, I know.
Couldn't have been that cloud? No.
A normal cloudy day only produces a reading of It must be the machine.
It's giving me a faulty reading.
Perhaps.
Well, we'll check up on it.
- Oh? How? - Heard of Sir Arnold Kelly? He's the best meteorological man in the country.
I've sent for him.
He should be waiting at Barnard's now.
Your flowers.
Sir Arnold.
Oh, Mr Steed! Whoa! [Chuckles.]
Over here.
So sorry, so sorry.
These spectacles of mine keep misting up.
I can't understand it.
Well, now Mr Steed Oh.
Mrs Peel, Sir Arnold Kelly.
Very pleased to meet you.
How anyone could mistake you for a man! - Sorry to keep you waiting.
- Oh, not at all.
Been having a discussion with Mr Barnard about the weather.
Very droll.
[Chuckles.]
Well, then, what have we? Well, I've made a preliminary reading.
- Oh, really? With what results? - These.
I'm sorry.
I thought for a moment that read 67.
8 % humidity.
- It does.
- Eh? [Chuckles.]
A little joke, eh, Steed? - I'm afraid it's no joke, Sir Arnold.
- What? Oh, come now! 67.
8 %? Ridiculous! That was the reading I got.
Well, equipment must be faulty.
No other explanation.
Well, perhaps you'd like to see for yourself.
Right away, I think.
67.
8 %? Luckily I brought my own equipment.
Now then.
Let's see.
Oh! Broken.
Absolutely shattered.
No wonder you got a false reading.
Well, never mind.
Use my own equipment.
- We'll see you later, Sir Arnold.
- Eh? Oh, yes, yes.
Now let's see.
What shall I ? Ah, yes.
That equipment was all right when we left.
- I know.
- What do you think? I think I'm going to sample another cup of Buttercup Brew.
Goodbye! Sorry to burst in on you like this.
Knew you wouldn't mind.
Decided to take home with me a couple of bottles of best buttercup.
Taken at random just to test their overall quality.
- Er, this way, isn't it? - Mr Steed! Don't let me drag you from your work.
I can find my own way.
All set for a wet winter! I like that.
Think ahead.
This way? - Mr Steed! - Don't let me disturb you, gentlemen! - I tried to stop him.
- A bottle or two of Buttercup Brew.
I'm going to pass it around my friends.
Give them a little taste.
It's all good for business! - Mr Steed - Be my guest, my dear.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Of course we don't mind, Mr Steed.
As you say, it is good for business.
Thank you, young fellow.
After you, my dear.
I hope you don't mind my sampling a little of your brew while I'm in there.
My goodness me, what have we here? Pulverised dry ice! Ah-ha! I've caught you out! Part of a secret process, eh? That's what put the sharp tangy flavour into Buttercup Brew.
You're quite right.
You've caught us out.
Ah-ha! Excuse me, my dear.
See he gets what he wants and get the idiot out of here! Ah.
One bottle of Buttercup and one of Dead Weed.
Will that be all, Mr Steed? I think so.
Thank you very much indeed.
[Rain pounding.]
Very kind of you to let me impose like this.
- Not at all.
- Splendid place you have here.
- I'm glad you approve.
- Absolutely first class.
- Strange about the rain, though.
- Rain? Yes, back there.
The sound of rain all the time.
Very odd.
Oh, that's just an illusion, Mr Steed.
What you hear is this.
Liquid pouring into the vats.
Many people make the mistake.
Really? Trouble with your washer? You mean to say it was that all of the time? Oh, I can't believe it.
I'll tell you what, you turn it off, I'll go back and listen.
I'm afraid, Mr Steed, we must ask you to leave now.
You're interrupting important work.
I'm most terribly sorry.
It's very foolish of me.
- Well, goodbye to you.
- Goodbye to you.
Miss Jason, I'll have a couple of gross of the wheat and raisin.
Two dozen Idiot! Now, perhaps now I can get back to my job.
Your troubles aren't over.
There's somebody down in the field again.
- Can you see who it is? - No.
It might be the same one as before.
It's hard to say from here.
- He's alone this time, anyway.
- Freddy, give me my glasses, please.
Thank you.
He's obviously got some new equipment.
Here.
- He's not wearing a Macintosh.
- Pity.
It looks like rain.
[Thunder rumbles.]
- You know who he was? - No.
- Sir Arnold Kelly.
- The meteorologist? Yes.
One of the nation's top weathermen.
- You got rid of him? - He's safely out of sight.
Good, good.
But what was he doing here? - And that woman who came to see us.
- Mrs Peel.
Yes.
Where is she? She's down at Jonah's place waiting for Kelly to come back.
Sir Arnold Kelly and Mrs Peel.
They didn't arrive here by accident.
Their interest was aroused by something and I have an idea just what that something was.
Jonah Barnard and his letters to the "Times".
He lowers the tone of the neighbourhood.
Don't you think so? - Something should be done.
- Naturally.
By the way, Mrs Peel was very anxious to see over the plant, wasn't she? I think we should extend that courtesy to her.
Mrs Peel? We haven't met before.
Smythe, Martin Smythe.
- I work with Dr Sturm.
- Oh? Yes.
Mrs Peel, the doctor rather regrets turning you away the other day.
Can't antagonise the press, can we? He'd like you to come over now.
- Right at this minute? - Please.
- I'm afraid it's simply not convenient.
- Please.
What are you doing there? What are you doing, brother? I I wanna help you build your ark.
But you're from the wine factory.
You believe? Yeah, I believe.
I wanna be saved.
- You do? - Yeah.
Oh, boy, have I misjudged you! [Sturm.]
I don't think you have told us all you know.
But you will.
I assure you, you will.
It may take a little time, of course.
Intervals of one-thousand of an inch.
[Machine whirrs.]
Not an excessive pressure at the moment, huh? I think another half-inch before breathing becomes difficult.
We'll give you a little time to think about it, Mrs Peel, until we're back.
A fraction more pressure and your ribs will bend.
Another fraction and your ribs will crack.
Well, think about it and be ready with your answers by the time we return, won't you? Martin.
[Gramophone.]
lts own appointed limits keep Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee For those in peril on the sea Evil vipers or the land.
Man has destroyed mountains with his science.
Has caused his fellows to suffer.
His sins need to be expiated, cleansed.
And for this the flood will come.
Mountains will disappear, buildings will crumble.
And not a tree will be seen over the entire land.
[Dog whimpers.]
Well, thank you, thank you, friend.
Act on it! Act! Act soon! Thank you.
- I think you've won over the dog.
- Oh, not just the dog, Mr Steed.
Oh, another convert? - From the pit of iniquity itself.
- Good.
- Where's Mrs Peel? - She was here some time ago.
I tell you, all is not lost when I reclaim a soul from that evil place of intoxicating liquors.
- The wine factory? - The very place.
And their foreman, a young fellow named Frederick.
- He was here? - He was.
About a half hour ago.
I tell you, I was inspired.
He came unbidden.
You haven't seen Mrs Peel since he arrived? Why, no.
What are you driving at? What did he do while he was here? - He listened to me.
- No, I mean, where did he stand? Well, he was interested in the ark.
- Where was he, then? - Well, he was working here.
And he was most anxious to help.
These timbers, how are they secured? Oh, wooden pegs and waterproof glue.
- They're as secure as they can be? - Sure.
I made them myself.
It will last 1,000 years! Stand back.
It was meant to kill you.
You mean that man from the wine factory? Why should anyone want to kill me? Why should anyone want to kill Ted Barker or Eli? And Sir Arnold Kelly, he ought to be back by now.
Mr Steed! I am not a violent man by nature, but when faced with a problem of survival I had an auntie used to make biscuits like this.
"Rain contains silver iodide.
"Excessive amount indicates it was introduced by man.
" What's silver iodide? They used it two or three years ago in Arizona.
Arizona, America? There was a big drought there.
They were trying to find ways of making rain.
Doesn't it strike you as odd? Odd? Making rain? It's flying in the face of nature! No, by all accounts, this field has a fairly high degree of rainfall and yet it never seems to stay very wet.
- What does that suggest to you? - Good drainage.
This field is absolutely flat.
There's no natural drainage.
- But you see, Mr Steed, around here - Shh.
[Water draining.]
Well Come on.
We'll get it up.
Now what? Looks like being a damp journey.
Now mind yourself.
Mind yourself down there.
Well, Mrs Peel, are you ready to tell me who sent you here? No one sent me.
I heard about Ted Barker's death and Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
That won't do.
That won't do at all.
How about Sir Arnold Kelly? I suppose his presence here was merely accidental, was it? Well? Or I'll just have to squeeze the information out of you.
This way.
[Muted screams.]
Come on.
[Sturm.]
Uncomfortable, Mrs Peel? But no pain I trust? No.
You're still one-eighth of an inch from real pain.
Believe you me, Mrs Peel, I don't enjoy this any more than you do.
But I have to protect my interests.
My colleague and I have just reached the end of a long, hard road.
We don't want to have that jeopardised, not now that we have finally succeeded.
Succeeded? In what? Succeeded in making rain, Mrs Peel.
Rain such as the world has never seen before.
Torrential-driving rain to order.
[Sturm.]
Can you comprehend the power now in my hands? A machine, a system of convection, chemicals and electronics geared to one process.
- What's that? - [Sturm.]
The manufacture of rain.
As you may know, there is moisture in the air, which we breathe at all times.
And my machine makes use of that moisture.
Excellent use.
[Peel.]
To what end? [Sturm.]
Originally to a selfish end.
I wanted to water my garden.
But now I suppose I will grow fat on my discovery because Martin wants to sell to the highest bidder.
One of the big military nations.
He's already put out feelers in certain parts of the globe.
A military nation with a rain-making device? But it's much more than that, Mrs Peel.
Don't you see? It's the biggest military weapon since the nuclear bomb.
Relentless, never-ceasing rain.
Rockets and planes grounded.
Whole armies bogged down or washed away.
Centuries of agricultural wealth destroyed in a couple of minutes.
A great flood to order.
Dr Sturm we're waiting for you.
Er, yes, yes, yes.
I'm coming.
Forgive me, Mrs Peel.
Campaigns to plan.
But I'll be back.
You may depend on that.
You diabolical mastermind, you.
Gentlemen should knock before entering.
What are you? The sparkle in the seaweed soda? No, I'm the kick in the nettle noggin.
Never mind.
I'll have you out of here in two shakes of a swizzle stick.
Dr Sturm told me how to operate this to one-thousand of an inch.
I twirl this knob here.
Turn this switch here.
And press this lever up.
Or was it down? - I-I think it was up.
- Let's make a change.
Press it down.
Hallelujah! [Exhales.]
You were looking at it upside down, Mrs Peel.
Come on, chicken.
You must have had a terrible experience.
- There we are.
- You're all right now.
A terrible experience.
Untie her ankles.
I'll warm her up.
Try and get the circulation going.
Did you know what you were doing or am I just lucky? Of course I knew.
I'll show you.
Take one ordinary common or garden bowler hat.
One turns this knob here, pushes up this lever and the gentle giant crashes down to stop within one-thousand of an inch of my bowler hat.
[Machine hisses.]
It was over quickly.
I don't think it suffered.
You heard what Sturm said.
The coming flood is not the work of nature.
Some kind of machinery.
Let's try through there.
Hallelujah! Thank you, Mrs Peel.
Lovely for the complexion! Dr Sturm? Says on these charts it's been raining here for about a year.
There it is! They're about in for a dry spell.
The flood is here! The flood is here! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! And the wicked shall be cast into Who done that? - Ready? - Uh-huh.
Ah, the flood is coming! Ah, the flood is coming! I told you! I told you the flood is coming! Get out of here! Get out of here! Ah, the flood is coming! The flood is coming! Hallelujah! Come on.
Push him over there where we can keep an eye on them all.
One, two, three.
- Where's Dr Sturm? - I don't know.
I thought you I thought you.
[Explosion.]
The machine's burnt out.
[Horn honks.]
[Sneezes.]
- Bless you! - I think I'm catching a cold.
- Get your feet wet? - Mm.
This'll do you good, Grannie Gregson's Marrow Rum.
What's that? I got a ticket for Jonah's ark.
I like to be on the safe side.
Mm, bon voyage.
I see you're sharing a cabin with a Jersey cow.
[Chuckles.]
I've got a weakness for big brown eyes.
[Sneezes.]
Bless you.
[Thunder claps.]
[Thunder claps.]
[Steed.]
This is where he was found.
Ted Barker, resident of Lower Storpington for 42 years.
Snare setter, pheasant fancier, partridge pincher.
You mean the local poacher.
How did he die? Inhalation of fluid resulting in asphyxia.
He was drowned right here.
In the middle of a field? But that's impossible.
All the same, that's what happened.
Strange, isn't it? - Mm.
- So's this.
There's a chap called Jonah Barnard and he keeps writing to the "Times".
- It's the tenth time this month.
- Have all the letters been like this? I Identical! Here we are.
"We should all start building our arks because the great flood is coming.
" [Chuckles.]
Ted Barker lived there.
His brother Eli is still there.
Chance for me to weave my home-spun charm, eh? That's the idea.
I'm going to Jonah Barnard.
Meet me there.
Treat Eli warily.
He's a weird old bird.
The power of evil, that's what Ted had in him.
The power of evil.
I warned him, but he paid me no heed.
He turned a sinner's deaf ear to my words and so he fell into the pit of iniquity.
Do you take milk, Mrs Peel? - Hm? - Milk? Oh, yes, thank you.
My own brother with the mark of sin upon him! [Thunder rumbles.]
He wasn't always like that, sinful.
No, at heart.
He wasn't really bad.
[Chuckles.]
Did a bit of poaching now and again, but poaching isn't like stealing, is it? Did he do much fishing? [Thunder rumbles.]
- I said did he do much fishing? - Fishing? Oh, there were blue skies this morning, too.
No, he'd be hard pressed to go fishing.
There isn't a river for miles and Ted wasn't one for travelling far.
- Then how do you account for his death? - The demon drink! Oh.
Did he drink much? I wouldn't sit there, Mrs Peel! Not there! It'll spoil your fine city clothes.
Oh Thank you.
It's been like this for months now.
This rain, this torrential rain.
But the people, they don't understand, see.
They don't realise.
And they've been told.
They've been warned, but they don't realise it's a sign.
All the signs around them, yet still they do not heed.
Oh, you mean about the warnings of the flood? - Ah, you've heard? - Well, I've heard about Jonah Barnard.
A great man! A fine man! - You really believe the flood is coming? - Believe? I know.
It's my seaweed, see.
- It's always wet.
- Oh.
Well, I can't be sat here gossiping.
Time's running out.
I must be helping Jonah.
Helping him to spread the word.
Er, Mr Barker, you were telling me about your brother.
You say he drank too much.
Imbibed on stolen liquors.
- Stolen? - Aye.
He thought he was unobserved.
But I saw him sneaking into Grannie Gregson's.
- Grannie Gregson's? - Grannie Gregson's Glorious Grogs, Inc.
Just beyond the village.
A factory engaged in the fermentation of intoxicating liquors.
And you actually saw him going in there? Late at night.
Creeping in to steal liquors.
To gorge on glorious grogs! And that was his undoing, you see.
When he slipped and fell.
Into the pit of iniquity.
No, into Grannie's sparkling spring water.
Well, you make yourself at home, Mrs Peel, and finish your cup of tea.
Spring water? Yes.
They've got tanks of it at the factory.
Tanks big enough for a man to drown in.
Hm.
[Sighs.]
[Thunder rumbles.]
You see, my friends? You see? And the Lord said to Noah, "The end of all flesh is before me, "for the earth is filled with violence.
"And behold, I will destroy them with the earth!" That's what the Lord said.
Now, my friends, within the humble walls of this barn my salvation is growing.
And your salvation, too, if you will grasp it.
- Here, my friends, is my ark! - [Man.]
Burn it! I have seen the signs of nature, my friend, and they do not lie.
It is a forewarning! A hint of impending doom of Nemesis! Friends, the flood is coming.
Aye, and so is Christmas! My friends, please! Please heed me! For behold it came to pass after seven days that the waters of the flood were upon the earth! Friends, the flood is coming! You'll have to learn how to swim, then! Act and act now! Take unto your families and build your arks, as I am building mine now! Yeah, the animals came in two by two! No, no.
Listen to him.
He speaks the truth! Brothers! Brothers, I implore you! Listen to me.
I have seen the signs in the sky.
My friends, please act! Act! It's no use.
No use.
You were marvellous, Jonah.
Fire and brimstone that speech was.
Fire and brimstone! I have failed.
But you did your best, Jonah.
You did your best.
- Not good enough.
- Most interesting address! This ark of yours.
It will really stand up to all weather? It will resist storm and tempest.
First-class timbers throughout of the finest British oak.
You did not close your ears to me.
You believe? I think it's a theory worth investigating.
Steed, John Steed.
Delighted to meet you, sir.
I am Jonah Barnard and this is Eli.
- How are you? - You see, Eli? My words did not fall entirely on barren soil.
Oh, sir, you give me fresh heart.
New hopes! Eli it's a sign.
Our work must go on! Yes! I go to spread the word, Jonah.
- Hallelujah! - Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah.
Mr Steed, as you see, I am a simple man, but you are more than welcome to my table.
Thank you.
What turn of fate set your footsteps to my door, Mr Steed? - I read your letters in the "Times".
- You did? - You've had warning of the flood? - Oh, indeed I have.
- Something more positive than this? - Butterflies.
- In the stomach? - In the district.
The Marsh Fritillary.
Oh, rare little creature usually found in watery districts.
But lately the village has been swarming with them.
And then there's the birds.
The birds, the bearded tits in from the marshland.
Suddenly every tree is alive and bristling with their twitterings.
I tell you, Mr Steed, this part of the country is renowned for its dryness.
Yet we are invaded by creatures known to inhabit watery places.
The balance the balance of nature is disturbed.
Doom is in the air.
Well, it's odd, I'll grant you, but not conclusive.
How do you account for the weather we've been having lately? You can't convince me with that, not in this country.
Mr Steed, suppose you saw the same cloud in the same position in the sky every day.
[Tuts.]
Impossible you say? But I have seen such a thing.
The same cloud in the same position in the sky, unchanging.
Save that each day it gets a little larger.
- Is it there today? - It's there every day.
Come.
I'll show you.
On the chair, if you please.
There.
Over the wine factory.
Sorry, I'm late, Doctor.
The weather, you know.
Yes, most inclement.
Try this.
What do you think of it? A little bit too dry.
[Chuckles.]
Yes.
[Phone buzzes.]
- Yes? - Dr Sturm, there's a Mrs Peel to see you.
What does she want? Do you know? It's something to do with a man named Barker, Ted Barker.
'I'm coming.
' - He'll be with you in a moment.
- Thank you.
- Mrs Peel.
- Doctor Sturm.
I'm afraid I'm very busy.
Then I'll come to the point.
It's about Ted Barker! Oh, yes.
I remember.
Very tragic.
Well? He was found in a field nearby.
As a matter of fact, that field over there.
The extraordinary thing about it is he was drowned.
- I am familiar with the facts.
- You have water tanks in the area.
Tell me, Mrs Peel, what is your interest? Are you a relative of the dead man trying to extort compensation? No.
I am a journalist, a freelance journalist.
When I heard about it I thought there might be a story.
Our tanks are within the compound of the factory.
Our security is very strict.
No outsider could enter without our knowledge.
We need feel no responsibility.
Then you have no objection to my looking around the area? I have the strongest objections.
Good day, Mrs Peel.
Dr Sturm! Good day to you, Mrs Peel.
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
[Knock on door.]
Mrs Peel! It's you again! You should be preparing.
The flood cometh! Yes, well, I've put a down payment on a canoe.
I want to know more about your brother.
He's gone.
There's no more to be said.
You saw him going into the factory? Several times.
Late at night.
Could you show me the place? Eli We have a responsibility now, don't we? We got to remove temptation from the path of potential sinners.
- If there's a way in to the factory - There's a way in, all right.
I could have it blocked off.
We don't want Grannie's Grog to claim another victim! now, do we? There's a way in through one of the storage huts on the north side.
Meet me there at nine o'clock.
[Door shuts.]
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Mr Steed.
- You haven't seen a young lady? - Mrs Peel? - Yes, I told her to meet me here.
- She was in.
Some time ago.
Tell me is she a very sinful woman? I beg your pardon? This Mrs Peel She looks so charming.
But then you can never tell by appearances.
Sure we're talking about the same person? Yes, Mrs Peel.
Tall, slim, very attractive.
It's a pity, a great pity, because she doesn't seem a sinful woman.
- Then why should you think she is? - It's what she said! She came in, left a message for you, but you're not to worry.
She was going into the pit of iniquity.
[Tuts.]
- Is that all she said? - That's all.
[Wind howling.]
Eli? Eli? [Thunder rumbles.]
- Drowned, you say? - Yes.
Poor Eli.
And I promised him salvation from the flood.
It was not to be.
Poor Eli.
It could have been an accident.
He decided to sip the surreptitious sap and slipped.
Splash.
Impossible.
Eli was a teetotaller.
When the finger of temptation beckons Also, it was a water tank.
There seems to be a surfeit of H2O in this vicinity.
How's your meteorological science? Bright in patches.
There's equipment waiting at the station.
Ordinarily I'd collect it, but Extraordinarily you would collect it! We'll meet here in an hour.
I've got to buy some wine.
Can I help you? Any time.
Er, Steed, John Steed of Steed, Steed, Steed, Steed, Steed & Jacques Limited.
Wine merchants extraordinary.
- How did Jacques get in? - He didn't.
He doesn't exist.
But in the wine trade you must have that French touch, so I invented Jacques.
- Do your relatives approve? - Eh? "Steed, Steed, Steed" As a matter of fact, I invented them, too.
Looks better on the card.
So you are the real Steed.
I am he and I have the pleasure of - Joyce Jason.
- Delighted.
I have an appointment.
- Dr Sturm told me to look after you.
- Even more delighted.
You want to buy some of our wines? Oh, yes.
That was my intention.
Surely your method of fermentation is a little primitive.
It's more like chutney, that mighty cucumber.
Oh, that was 60 years ago.
Things have changed since then.
Especially since Dr Sturm took over.
When was that? Two years ago.
He's introduced modern equipments, scientific apparatus.
Well, I hope I might be privileged to meet him.
Well, I don't know, but Oh, come now! If I like what I see, I shall make a very substantial order.
- You want to sell your wine, don't you? - Of course we do.
It's just that Dr Sturm, he doesn't like people prying.
Appraising, Miss Jason.
I shall be appraising his ingenuity.
One doesn't buy the tree without sampling the fruit.
But our catalogue is very comprehensive.
Catalogue? "Honeyed bla'berry wine"? That means nothing to me, Miss Jason! Where is the tang of blue blackberries gathered in the early-morning dew by barefoot peasant girls? The rich nectared taste of honey syrup? Not here, but here, the sun glinting on amber liquid.
And here, the nostrils assaulted by the heady aromatics of a perfect bouquet.
And here, most of all here, rolling, smooth syrup sweet liquid around the mouth.
Alerting the taste buds, savouring the sheer sensuality of a unique experience! Ha, I have a very acute palate, Miss Jason.
I'm very sorry, but I really cannot find any help in this catalogue.
I'll talk to Dr Sturm.
We know nothing about this man.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have agreed.
Don't be silly.
I told you, I checked on him when he made his appointment.
He's a bona fide wine merchant.
But letting him wander loose Suppose he sees something? What can he see? Our secret process is our secret.
[Jason.]
Mr Steed? This way.
[Door opens.]
- Thank you.
- [Sturm.]
Good morning, Mr Steed.
- Dr Sturm? - Yes.
And my assistant, Martin Smythe.
How do you do? It's extremely kind of you to let me look around.
If you're going to sell our wine, I think you should have a look around.
Now, this is our main distillation area.
Distillation of wine? Oh, I see what you mean.
We ferment our wine, of course.
The final distillation is merely to ensure the perfect quality.
Over there we have the plant which cleans and prepares our raw material.
And this is one of our pulping presses.
You see, the old method of treading won't do for us.
- Oh? - No, we make vegetable wine, Mr Steed.
Have you ever tried to tread potatoes? - Oh, point taken! - There you are.
It's my own design by the way.
Here, on this panel, I can control the drop of the press.
Accurately to ten-thousand of an inch, so we can pulp yet not bruise.
Now watch this, Mr Steed.
This is a solid piece of brass.
There.
All I do is lift this lever.
Remarkable! 40 tonnes to the square inch, Mr Steed.
- Quite a giant.
- Yet a gentle giant.
- You designed it yourself? - Every inch of it.
A long way from wine-making.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
After all, it's an improvement on the old method, isn't it? But then I dabble in many things You're too modest.
That's a fine engineering feat! Thank you very much, Mr Steed.
Well, we won't bore you much longer.
I'm sure you'd like to see our wine store.
The main purpose of my visit.
Thank you very much indeed! Ha! Scientific, very scientific! Er, thank you, gentlemen.
[Door shuts.]
Oh, Martin, you worry too much! I think you'll find this a rather surprising wine, not unlike a dry hock.
- [Coughs.]
What is it? - Old bark.
Must have put the dog in, too! - This then, a sparkling buttercup.
- Buttercup, eh? Mmm.
Now that's more my cup of tea.
Filthy day! It must have been a great year for buttercups.
You've decided, then? I'll be pleased to take your order.
Delicious.
I always wondered why cows had that contented look.
Thought it must be something to do with bulls.
- It's obviously the buttercups.
- I don't want to rush you It's raining cats and dogs! What terrible weather! but I am rather busy.
I'm sorry.
I'll take a couple of gross of these.
Confirm with you later.
- Er, this way.
- Oh.
- Lovely weather we're not having! - Leave this way.
You've been a very great help.
Well, I'll be paddling along.
[Thunder rumbles.]
Dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Dear, oh Ah, Mrs Peel, science cannot avert the approaching doom.
But science will at least prepare us for it.
Oh, I can see you do not believe in the flood.
You think I'm just a crazy old man! I'm not prepared to believe anything until I've made a thorough investigation.
What, with a portable weather machine? I wish I could make you see.
- Help you to believe! - Have you shown her the cloud? - All set, Mrs Peel? - What's all this about a cloud? It's a permanent fixture, isn't it, Jonah? Same cloud, same place every day.
It's a sign.
It's a cloud.
You can see it from over there.
I suggest you have a look.
We can go out later and find out what your box of tricks makes of it all.
You get a better view from the chair.
Oh, yes.
Near the wine factory.
As a matter of fact, it's just over the field where Ted Barker was found.
- Dr Sturm - Yes? There.
In the field.
It's impossible, Steed.
Quite impossible.
A humidity reading as high as this.
Is that bad? To get a reading as high, you'd have to be in Brazil jungle or equatorial Africa, but here in England it's unheard of.
- Yet here it is.
- Mm, I know.
Couldn't have been that cloud? No.
A normal cloudy day only produces a reading of It must be the machine.
It's giving me a faulty reading.
Perhaps.
Well, we'll check up on it.
- Oh? How? - Heard of Sir Arnold Kelly? He's the best meteorological man in the country.
I've sent for him.
He should be waiting at Barnard's now.
Your flowers.
Sir Arnold.
Oh, Mr Steed! Whoa! [Chuckles.]
Over here.
So sorry, so sorry.
These spectacles of mine keep misting up.
I can't understand it.
Well, now Mr Steed Oh.
Mrs Peel, Sir Arnold Kelly.
Very pleased to meet you.
How anyone could mistake you for a man! - Sorry to keep you waiting.
- Oh, not at all.
Been having a discussion with Mr Barnard about the weather.
Very droll.
[Chuckles.]
Well, then, what have we? Well, I've made a preliminary reading.
- Oh, really? With what results? - These.
I'm sorry.
I thought for a moment that read 67.
8 % humidity.
- It does.
- Eh? [Chuckles.]
A little joke, eh, Steed? - I'm afraid it's no joke, Sir Arnold.
- What? Oh, come now! 67.
8 %? Ridiculous! That was the reading I got.
Well, equipment must be faulty.
No other explanation.
Well, perhaps you'd like to see for yourself.
Right away, I think.
67.
8 %? Luckily I brought my own equipment.
Now then.
Let's see.
Oh! Broken.
Absolutely shattered.
No wonder you got a false reading.
Well, never mind.
Use my own equipment.
- We'll see you later, Sir Arnold.
- Eh? Oh, yes, yes.
Now let's see.
What shall I ? Ah, yes.
That equipment was all right when we left.
- I know.
- What do you think? I think I'm going to sample another cup of Buttercup Brew.
Goodbye! Sorry to burst in on you like this.
Knew you wouldn't mind.
Decided to take home with me a couple of bottles of best buttercup.
Taken at random just to test their overall quality.
- Er, this way, isn't it? - Mr Steed! Don't let me drag you from your work.
I can find my own way.
All set for a wet winter! I like that.
Think ahead.
This way? - Mr Steed! - Don't let me disturb you, gentlemen! - I tried to stop him.
- A bottle or two of Buttercup Brew.
I'm going to pass it around my friends.
Give them a little taste.
It's all good for business! - Mr Steed - Be my guest, my dear.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Of course we don't mind, Mr Steed.
As you say, it is good for business.
Thank you, young fellow.
After you, my dear.
I hope you don't mind my sampling a little of your brew while I'm in there.
My goodness me, what have we here? Pulverised dry ice! Ah-ha! I've caught you out! Part of a secret process, eh? That's what put the sharp tangy flavour into Buttercup Brew.
You're quite right.
You've caught us out.
Ah-ha! Excuse me, my dear.
See he gets what he wants and get the idiot out of here! Ah.
One bottle of Buttercup and one of Dead Weed.
Will that be all, Mr Steed? I think so.
Thank you very much indeed.
[Rain pounding.]
Very kind of you to let me impose like this.
- Not at all.
- Splendid place you have here.
- I'm glad you approve.
- Absolutely first class.
- Strange about the rain, though.
- Rain? Yes, back there.
The sound of rain all the time.
Very odd.
Oh, that's just an illusion, Mr Steed.
What you hear is this.
Liquid pouring into the vats.
Many people make the mistake.
Really? Trouble with your washer? You mean to say it was that all of the time? Oh, I can't believe it.
I'll tell you what, you turn it off, I'll go back and listen.
I'm afraid, Mr Steed, we must ask you to leave now.
You're interrupting important work.
I'm most terribly sorry.
It's very foolish of me.
- Well, goodbye to you.
- Goodbye to you.
Miss Jason, I'll have a couple of gross of the wheat and raisin.
Two dozen Idiot! Now, perhaps now I can get back to my job.
Your troubles aren't over.
There's somebody down in the field again.
- Can you see who it is? - No.
It might be the same one as before.
It's hard to say from here.
- He's alone this time, anyway.
- Freddy, give me my glasses, please.
Thank you.
He's obviously got some new equipment.
Here.
- He's not wearing a Macintosh.
- Pity.
It looks like rain.
[Thunder rumbles.]
- You know who he was? - No.
- Sir Arnold Kelly.
- The meteorologist? Yes.
One of the nation's top weathermen.
- You got rid of him? - He's safely out of sight.
Good, good.
But what was he doing here? - And that woman who came to see us.
- Mrs Peel.
Yes.
Where is she? She's down at Jonah's place waiting for Kelly to come back.
Sir Arnold Kelly and Mrs Peel.
They didn't arrive here by accident.
Their interest was aroused by something and I have an idea just what that something was.
Jonah Barnard and his letters to the "Times".
He lowers the tone of the neighbourhood.
Don't you think so? - Something should be done.
- Naturally.
By the way, Mrs Peel was very anxious to see over the plant, wasn't she? I think we should extend that courtesy to her.
Mrs Peel? We haven't met before.
Smythe, Martin Smythe.
- I work with Dr Sturm.
- Oh? Yes.
Mrs Peel, the doctor rather regrets turning you away the other day.
Can't antagonise the press, can we? He'd like you to come over now.
- Right at this minute? - Please.
- I'm afraid it's simply not convenient.
- Please.
What are you doing there? What are you doing, brother? I I wanna help you build your ark.
But you're from the wine factory.
You believe? Yeah, I believe.
I wanna be saved.
- You do? - Yeah.
Oh, boy, have I misjudged you! [Sturm.]
I don't think you have told us all you know.
But you will.
I assure you, you will.
It may take a little time, of course.
Intervals of one-thousand of an inch.
[Machine whirrs.]
Not an excessive pressure at the moment, huh? I think another half-inch before breathing becomes difficult.
We'll give you a little time to think about it, Mrs Peel, until we're back.
A fraction more pressure and your ribs will bend.
Another fraction and your ribs will crack.
Well, think about it and be ready with your answers by the time we return, won't you? Martin.
[Gramophone.]
lts own appointed limits keep Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee For those in peril on the sea Evil vipers or the land.
Man has destroyed mountains with his science.
Has caused his fellows to suffer.
His sins need to be expiated, cleansed.
And for this the flood will come.
Mountains will disappear, buildings will crumble.
And not a tree will be seen over the entire land.
[Dog whimpers.]
Well, thank you, thank you, friend.
Act on it! Act! Act soon! Thank you.
- I think you've won over the dog.
- Oh, not just the dog, Mr Steed.
Oh, another convert? - From the pit of iniquity itself.
- Good.
- Where's Mrs Peel? - She was here some time ago.
I tell you, all is not lost when I reclaim a soul from that evil place of intoxicating liquors.
- The wine factory? - The very place.
And their foreman, a young fellow named Frederick.
- He was here? - He was.
About a half hour ago.
I tell you, I was inspired.
He came unbidden.
You haven't seen Mrs Peel since he arrived? Why, no.
What are you driving at? What did he do while he was here? - He listened to me.
- No, I mean, where did he stand? Well, he was interested in the ark.
- Where was he, then? - Well, he was working here.
And he was most anxious to help.
These timbers, how are they secured? Oh, wooden pegs and waterproof glue.
- They're as secure as they can be? - Sure.
I made them myself.
It will last 1,000 years! Stand back.
It was meant to kill you.
You mean that man from the wine factory? Why should anyone want to kill me? Why should anyone want to kill Ted Barker or Eli? And Sir Arnold Kelly, he ought to be back by now.
Mr Steed! I am not a violent man by nature, but when faced with a problem of survival I had an auntie used to make biscuits like this.
"Rain contains silver iodide.
"Excessive amount indicates it was introduced by man.
" What's silver iodide? They used it two or three years ago in Arizona.
Arizona, America? There was a big drought there.
They were trying to find ways of making rain.
Doesn't it strike you as odd? Odd? Making rain? It's flying in the face of nature! No, by all accounts, this field has a fairly high degree of rainfall and yet it never seems to stay very wet.
- What does that suggest to you? - Good drainage.
This field is absolutely flat.
There's no natural drainage.
- But you see, Mr Steed, around here - Shh.
[Water draining.]
Well Come on.
We'll get it up.
Now what? Looks like being a damp journey.
Now mind yourself.
Mind yourself down there.
Well, Mrs Peel, are you ready to tell me who sent you here? No one sent me.
I heard about Ted Barker's death and Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
That won't do.
That won't do at all.
How about Sir Arnold Kelly? I suppose his presence here was merely accidental, was it? Well? Or I'll just have to squeeze the information out of you.
This way.
[Muted screams.]
Come on.
[Sturm.]
Uncomfortable, Mrs Peel? But no pain I trust? No.
You're still one-eighth of an inch from real pain.
Believe you me, Mrs Peel, I don't enjoy this any more than you do.
But I have to protect my interests.
My colleague and I have just reached the end of a long, hard road.
We don't want to have that jeopardised, not now that we have finally succeeded.
Succeeded? In what? Succeeded in making rain, Mrs Peel.
Rain such as the world has never seen before.
Torrential-driving rain to order.
[Sturm.]
Can you comprehend the power now in my hands? A machine, a system of convection, chemicals and electronics geared to one process.
- What's that? - [Sturm.]
The manufacture of rain.
As you may know, there is moisture in the air, which we breathe at all times.
And my machine makes use of that moisture.
Excellent use.
[Peel.]
To what end? [Sturm.]
Originally to a selfish end.
I wanted to water my garden.
But now I suppose I will grow fat on my discovery because Martin wants to sell to the highest bidder.
One of the big military nations.
He's already put out feelers in certain parts of the globe.
A military nation with a rain-making device? But it's much more than that, Mrs Peel.
Don't you see? It's the biggest military weapon since the nuclear bomb.
Relentless, never-ceasing rain.
Rockets and planes grounded.
Whole armies bogged down or washed away.
Centuries of agricultural wealth destroyed in a couple of minutes.
A great flood to order.
Dr Sturm we're waiting for you.
Er, yes, yes, yes.
I'm coming.
Forgive me, Mrs Peel.
Campaigns to plan.
But I'll be back.
You may depend on that.
You diabolical mastermind, you.
Gentlemen should knock before entering.
What are you? The sparkle in the seaweed soda? No, I'm the kick in the nettle noggin.
Never mind.
I'll have you out of here in two shakes of a swizzle stick.
Dr Sturm told me how to operate this to one-thousand of an inch.
I twirl this knob here.
Turn this switch here.
And press this lever up.
Or was it down? - I-I think it was up.
- Let's make a change.
Press it down.
Hallelujah! [Exhales.]
You were looking at it upside down, Mrs Peel.
Come on, chicken.
You must have had a terrible experience.
- There we are.
- You're all right now.
A terrible experience.
Untie her ankles.
I'll warm her up.
Try and get the circulation going.
Did you know what you were doing or am I just lucky? Of course I knew.
I'll show you.
Take one ordinary common or garden bowler hat.
One turns this knob here, pushes up this lever and the gentle giant crashes down to stop within one-thousand of an inch of my bowler hat.
[Machine hisses.]
It was over quickly.
I don't think it suffered.
You heard what Sturm said.
The coming flood is not the work of nature.
Some kind of machinery.
Let's try through there.
Hallelujah! Thank you, Mrs Peel.
Lovely for the complexion! Dr Sturm? Says on these charts it's been raining here for about a year.
There it is! They're about in for a dry spell.
The flood is here! The flood is here! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! And the wicked shall be cast into Who done that? - Ready? - Uh-huh.
Ah, the flood is coming! Ah, the flood is coming! I told you! I told you the flood is coming! Get out of here! Get out of here! Ah, the flood is coming! The flood is coming! Hallelujah! Come on.
Push him over there where we can keep an eye on them all.
One, two, three.
- Where's Dr Sturm? - I don't know.
I thought you I thought you.
[Explosion.]
The machine's burnt out.
[Horn honks.]
[Sneezes.]
- Bless you! - I think I'm catching a cold.
- Get your feet wet? - Mm.
This'll do you good, Grannie Gregson's Marrow Rum.
What's that? I got a ticket for Jonah's ark.
I like to be on the safe side.
Mm, bon voyage.
I see you're sharing a cabin with a Jersey cow.
[Chuckles.]
I've got a weakness for big brown eyes.
[Sneezes.]
Bless you.