The Neighborhood (2018) s04e08 Episode Script

1 I got great news, babe.
Okay, stir this.
I said stir it, not stare at it.
Um as I was saying, I just booked our first client for our new custom car wrapping division.
Ooh! My baby's a mogul.
Oh, I can see it now.
See what? That Hermès Birkin bag you're gonna buy me when you blow up.
If I buy a bag for 20K, it better come with 40K in it.
Okay, now I need you to start lining.
Now, Tina, are you sure that you can handle working at the shop with Tina-licious Cakes starting to take off? I mean, I can always hire another manager.
Oh, of course I can, baby.
I am a multitasking goddess.
Don't worry, baby.
I can handle it all.
Mmm.
Mm-mm! Mm-mm! What was I saying? Nothing important.
All right, let me get back to being a mogul.
Um - Uh, babe? - Yeah, babe? Um Never mind.
Have a great day, sweet cheeks.
Can I do unicorn cupcakes? Oh, for five dollars a pop, I'll hop on a unicorn and deliver them myself.
Okay, all right, thanks for calling.
Where are you gonna find a unicorn? Well, with that head full of hair of yours, I'm gonna slap this cone on your head and ride your ass over there, come on! Giddy up! Wow, Tina, your business is really taking off.
I want to be you when I grow up.
Ooh, and I just booked another car wrap for the auto shop.
Boom! Oh.
Hey, what's cooking, good lookings? Hey, hon! Tina had so many bakery orders, she ran out of space in her kitchen.
You know, well, I'd love to help, but, uh, I'm busy with youth baseball.
You're looking at the new assistant to the assistant coach of the Pasadena Dodgers.
Doesn't that just make you a team dad? Uh, does a team dad wear a cup? I don't know how to answer that.
You know, Tina, you're really taking on a lot.
Um, Gemma, you dare doubt a woman whose cupcakes taste like manna from heaven? Ah I'll be fine.
I'm killing it at the auto shop as I always do.
And Tina-licious Cakes is a dream come true.
- All right.
- Won't He do it?! Oh, Calvin taught me this.
- Oh.
- Yes, He will! Oh, okay! Here we go, eyes on the ball.
Way to go, Grover! I missed it by a whole foot.
Yes, you did, but that's two feet closer than last time.
Yeah, you know what, why don't you just, uh, go some water, we'll start working on your, uh Everything else.
Yes.
Hey, you know what, buddy, it's okay.
- You're gonna get better.
- You're a good dad.
But a terrible liar.
Hey, Coach, I've been going over your team practice stats, and we're on track to lose every game this season.
Oh, man, this is my JV pickleball team all over again.
Hey, Ariel and her son, Eli, are stopping by.
Oh, y'all still making out in cars? Nah, we're way past that.
Last time was the bedroom display at Ikea.
- Hey, how you been? - What's going on? Hey! Hey, Eli! What's going on? We were just in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd just stop by and say hi.
"In the neighborhood"? It took us an hour to get here.
Anyway Let's take a picture for my followers.
#CoupleGoals.
Ah, okay.
All right! Uh, make sure you tag me.
- Yeah.
- Tag you? Since when do you care about social media? You thought a hashtag came on the side of a McMuffin.
Hey, Eli, do you play baseball? Nah.
I'm more into basketball.
Malcolm is a really good coach.
You should give it a try.
Uh, yeah, let's grab you a bat - and let's see what you got.
- All right, let's do it! All right, all right.
- Here you go.
- All right! All right, now Gonna start you off nice and easy, okay? Yeah, here we go.
Oh! I'm okay! All right I'm just gonna move further back.
All right, well, the next one's gonna come in a little bit faster, okay? Now get ready.
Here we go.
Oh! Oh! Ah, okay, good news.
- Cup worked.
- Yeah! All right, Eli.
You might be a natural, man.
Hey, Mal, if we had a hitter like Eli on the team, our odds of winning a game would go up 200%.
He has got to join the team.
All right, look, Marty, calm down, okay? Eli? You have got to join this team.
Hang on, okay Tina-licious Cakes set.
And Calvin's Pit Stop booked.
Ha! Damn I'm good.
Tina's Calvin Pit I mean, uh, Calvin's Pit Stop.
Yes, o-of course.
See you tomorrow, all right.
- All right.
- Hey, babe oh! - Oh! Oh - Damn it, my prettiest toe! I'm sorry, baby.
I had a few of my baking supplies sent here, 'cause I couldn't miss the delivery.
They'll be gone tonight.
Yeah, okay.
I guess it's all right.
I don't need all my toes.
But what I do need is for my employees to get paid.
You forgot to cut the checks today.
Oh, don't be silly.
I cut checks on Friday.
Today is Friday.
No, today is Thursday, because the window washers come on Friday.
Hi, Jerry.
Listen, babe, ever since we opened the new division, you show up late and leave early.
Now I know it's because you started your little side business, but if any other employee had done this, their ass would be out of here.
Well, Calvin, I am not any other employee.
I'm your wife.
And I know I've had a few hiccups, but trust me when I tell you, - I got this.
- All right, Tina.
Okay.
Tina's Pit-cakes.
I did that on purpose.
Oh, damn! - Say hi, sweetie.
- Huh? Am I on this?! - Mm-hmm.
- Um Hi.
I brought my fav hard seltzer.
Love! Oh.
And this vegan beef jerky is to die for! But no animal had to.
- Try some, babe.
- Oh, okay.
Hmm, more? Oh, he loves it.
Don't you? Yeah, this is very vegan-y.
Until next time, Ariel Nation.
Um Are you cool if I spit this out? Oh, yeah.
So what do you want to do? Well, the movie's not until a couple hours.
You know what, why don't we just sit down and, uh, and talk to each other? I'm down.
All right, come on.
Have a seat.
- Mm.
- Ah! All right.
Hey, hey, hey, babe? You look great, but I meant without your phone.
Oh, talk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
So, um How was the rest of your day? Fine.
I had a salad.
- Okay.
That's - Do you want to see a picture of it? No.
No.
I know what salads look like.
Oh.
Yeah.
- So - Mm-hmm.
You want to show me your bedroom? - That's what I'm talking about.
- Oh! No, I understand, sir.
There's no excuse for ordering snow tires in Los Angeles.
I take full responsibility for what my wife independently did.
Yeah, just bring it back in, and we'll switch them out.
And I'll throw in a wash.
All right.
Yeah.
Man, that's the third complaint today.
But this bad boy's gonna change my mood right here.
Midnight black wrapping.
Interior LED lights.
I might steal this sucker from my own shop.
Yes, I need to speak with someone in shipping.
I never got my unicorn cupcake wrappings.
You guys just sent black wrappers and LED lights.
What the hell?! Never mind.
Oh.
See, what-what ha-happened was Well, you know, it was a mix-up.
Well, it's It's pretty, though, huh? Right.
Tina, this is a pretty damn expensive mistake.
You know what? I hate to do this.
I might regret doing this, but I got to do this.
You're fired.
Oh.
Oh, well, look who finally made it home.
Not funny, Ella.
You know I had to take the bus.
Next time you fire your wife, be sure you drive.
Know what? Tina, that was business.
It wasn't personal.
Uh Hold up.
Is that my 18-year-old single malt Scotch that I've been saving for when the Clippers win the championship? Oh, it is.
And it's totally personal.
Oh, that's cold-blooded, Tina.
I-I What is that I smell burning? Oh, it's just your last overpriced Cuban cigar.
You know, I don't know why you like these things.
It smells horrible.
Have you lost your damn mind? No.
Just my damn job.
- How can I help you? - Oh, hey, guys.
We still on for Yahtzee? Um, is everything okay? Everything is fine.
Oh! I got fired today.
Wait, what? Calvin, how could you? Your own wife? Oh, Dave! Welcome to Team Tina.
- Wait, Tina, what happened? - No, go ahead.
Go ahead, Tina.
Tell 'em the whole story.
How you made a gang of mistakes.
First, she didn't pay the light bill.
She ordered the wrong parts for certain cars.
And then she put in that perfumy soap that I hate - in the bathroom.
Smell it.
- Oh.
No, thank you.
I already smelled it when I walked in.
And, by the way, I washed your drawers in it, too.
To be fair, you did say Tina-licious Cakes was taking up all of your time.
The devil doesn't need any advocates, Gemma.
I'm just saying, Calvin does have a business to run.
- Oh.
- Exactly.
Okay, hold on, Gemma.
So, if you hired me to mediate at your school and I made a mistake - A gang of mistakes.
- Okay.
- You would fire me on the spot? - Hell yeah.
Wow.
Who are you? Welcome to Team Calvin, all right? Well, thanks to one of you for stopping by.
And I was talking about Dave.
- Yeah, yeah, I-I got it.
- You know what? - I need a drink.
Give me this, Dave.
- What? Yeah.
Mm.
Mm! What the hell? You know, it was too Scotch-y, so I added Mountain Dew to the bottle.
Yo, that was our best practice yet.
- But I still didn't hit the ball.
- Yeah, but you know what? Every time you swung, you stayed on your feet.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna go tell Mom.
I'm an athlete! Yeah.
Team is looking pretty good.
We should celebrate.
Yeah.
Well, looks like we got some hard seltzer and some vegan jerky.
Ooh, yes and, uh, yes again.
Well, Ariel brought this nasty stuff over, but, uh I guess one man's trash is another man's trash.
Hey, how's it going with her? And you better say great, because her kid is the key to us winning.
Well, to be honest, fellas, Ariel and I have a ton of physical chemistry, but, uh, not much else.
I think I might have to break up with her.
N-No, no.
Uh Malcolm, y-you need to make that work.
At least until playoffs.
Uh, Dave, that is months away.
I-I'm not sure this relationship is gonna last that long.
Well, look, you're gonna have to suck it up, because if you break up with her, she is gonna pull her son from the team, and, Malcolm, Grover needs a win.
Whoa, Dave, it sounds like you need a win.
Well, can't it be both? Okay, man, I I guess I can make it work.
What? Malcolm, you're not seriously considering using a woman so that a youth baseball team can win a trophy? Okay.
You know, look, I'm just trying to save Grover from a lifetime of therapy.
And "using" is such an ugly word.
Okay.
Well, as someone who has been to therapy Mind your business.
I got some other words for what's happening here.
How about manipulating? Deceiving? Exploiting! All right.
You know what, Marty? I've got a couple words for you, too.
How about "stay out of it"?! All right.
- Let's see what you got next.
- Okay.
Mm, mm.
Mmm.
Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm? Chocolate-covered strawberries.
Wow.
You are killing this blindfold fruit challenge.
- Mmm.
- Now let's see - if you know what this is.
- Okay.
Mmm.
Mmm, yeah, that-that That tastes like round two.
Yeah.
Uh Maybe this time we can take it to the bedroom.
Oh.
I like that.
- Aah.
- Oh.
Uh, let me get those for you.
Yeah.
You know, I got to say, this is a lot more fun than the last time I was in handcuffs.
I thought you said this was your first time.
Oh.
Yeah, I, uh, got arrested at a protest.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
I've been to one of those.
Wait.
Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.
- Which one did you go to? W-Was it BLM, climate change or, uh, universal health care? I can't remember, but it was lit! I mean, I get the best pictures just walking through the tear gas.
It's like the police gave us the perfect filter.
I even got 5,000 more followers after that photo shoot.
Do you mean "protest"? Yeah, sure.
Whatever.
Uh Damn it, I can't do this no more.
Relax, honey.
I found the key.
No.
No.
Ariel, I'm I'm talking about us.
I, uh Look, I appreciate you in so many ways.
You know? I mean, so many ways.
In ways I didn't even think was possible.
- Oh.
- You know? 'Cause we And Damn it.
We We just don't have enough in common.
You know? I mean, I'm much more of a private person, and you you live your life on social media.
We just We on a different vibe.
To be honest I feel the same way.
It's just that you're so great with Eli, and I didn't want to ruin it for him.
Wait, seriously? You know, I was worried that if we broke up, you would pull him off the team.
No way.
You and baseball have been so amazing for him.
I was only hanging in there because I thought you'd cut him.
Well, looks like we finally found something in common.
Friends? Oh.
Friends.
Tina? What are you doing here? All right, Calvin, you were right.
I couldn't handle both jobs.
I just didn't want to admit it.
So, I'm-a give up Tina-licious Cakes and come back to the shop.
And I promise to be fully committed this time.
Wait.
You gonna give up after all that you put into your business? Well, when it was just you and the boys, baking brought me so much happiness, but with Tina-licious Cakes, there's just too much pressure.
Hmm.
So, you just punking out? Who you calling a punk? Don't make me go Compton up in here.
Come on, Tina.
Just admit that you're afraid you're gonna fail.
I'm not afraid of anything.
It's just terrifying to think about that.
Look, Calvin, 50% of new businesses fail after five years.
That's true.
But you helped launch this one, and look at us now.
With your smarts and talent, any business that you focus on and put your all into is gonna be great.
You really think so? I know so.
You know what? I'll hire a shop manager.
And you just keep focusing on building your empire.
And soon, one day, you can buy yourself that damn Birkin bag.
Lord knows I'm not buying it.
Stop.
I mean, you can get me a new bottle of Scotch, though.
Oh, I'm not buying.
Oh, my God.
- What have you done to my car? - Uh, look, ma'am, I'm sorry.
I didn't get a chance to call you, but this is our mistake, and we'll take care of it.
A mistake? It's like you put wheels on a rainbow! So, you like it? Wouldn't you want to drive a rainbow? Okay.
Uh, well, my pleasure.
Yeah.
I hate to say this.
I might regret saying this.
But I have to say this.
You're welcome.
Hey, Tina? I got a surprise for you.
I'm too tired to check under your hood tonight, Calvin.
Look, I promise you're gonna love it.
Now, it's no Birkin bag, but Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! A car with my face on it?! Oh! A Birkin could never! Oh! Thank you, Calvin.
I just wanted to show you that I believe in you and your business.
You are the sweetest.
Now, why don't you lock up so I can unwrap you.
Mm.
Uh, Joe? Time to get on up out of here, man.