The Ranch (2016) s04e08 Episode Script

1 [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Hey, Mr.
Bennett.
Morning, Abby.
You're here early.
I got a meeting with the principal before school.
She's gonna lecture me about using bad language in class.
If I can't say "fuck," how can I get them - to shut the fuck up? - [CHUCKLES.]
You could threaten to pour their Aloha coconut body scrub down the drain.
Works with Colt.
Would you mind watching Peyton until he gets back? I just don't think he really wants to see me right now.
Every relationship has its challenges.
Obviously, I've had my share, so If you wanna talk about it, I'm here.
Of course, Joanne's had lots of experience with this kind of stuff, too.
So talk to either one of us.
You should talk to Joanne.
- Hey.
- Morning.
So, am I late? I was I lost track of time.
[ABBY.]
No, it's all right.
Peyton's asleep.
It's okay.
She drooled all over her "future genius" onesie, so it's probably not a good sign.
Well you're both here.
I need to tell you guys something.
No one else is interested in the fall sale at Lululemon.
Well, hold on.
Turns out there's a wildlife camera on the Stockwell Ranch.
[DRAKE BARKING.]
Lisa Neumann's got a photo of me there right before the dam went down.
Wha So is she gonna go to the police? She offered me a deal.
She won't take the picture to the police if I sell her the ranch.
So What do you wanna do? The ranch is half yours.
Are you asking us if you should or should not go to jail? I'm gonna go with should not.
That's it? Just Lisa Neumann wins and all the other ranchers downstream are screwed? - You know how lucky you are? - [ABBY.]
Hm.
She coulda just turned that tape over and said nothin' to you.
Yeah, I guess.
That's real nice of her.
I'll give her a discount on the sandwich I sell her when I'm working at fuckin' Subway.
You brought this shit onto yourself when you decided to take the law into your own hands.
It's over, pal.
You gotta take the deal.
Yeah.
Suppose you're right.
Come on, Peyton.
Let's go spend some quality time together, before you learn how to talk and ruin everything like your dad.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
I was looking at the divorce papers.
Sure you wanna do this? You're the one who brought up divorce.
I said the word "divorce.
" In the heat of the moment, in an argument where I was pissed.
You went to a lawyer, sat down and had it put on paper.
You know, when you first said it [SCOFFS.]
I couldn't understand why you were willing to give up on us.
But you know what? After you lied at the wedding, then asked me to lie to the cops for you I guess I gave up on us, too.
I'm sorry about the ranch.
[THEME SONG PLAYING.]
Cowboys ain't easy to love And they're harder to hold They'd rather give you a song Than diamonds or gold Lone star belt buckles And old faded Levi's And each night begins a new day You don't understand him And he don't die young He'll probably just ride away Mamas don't let your babies Grow up to be cowboys Don't let 'em pick guitars And drive them old trucks Let 'em be doctors And lawyers and such Mamas don't let your babies Grow up to be cowboys - [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [POOL BALLS CLICK.]
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
I was putting Peyton to bed, reading her Goodnight Moon and I nodded off.
Still dunno how that fuckin' book ends.
I'm just up here drinking alone.
Sorry I couldn't talk.
I had to finish my audiobook.
I just learned The Art of the Deal.
I didn't order that.
It's from those guys over there.
- [COLT.]
Well, I'll be.
Mm.
- [MAN.]
Hey.
They said it's for taking down Neumann's Hill's dam.
You get a free drink for that? I did it, too.
So did I! The art of the deal.
Well, I drink here for free, but if they really wanna thank me, they'd pitch in on a new pair of Uggs.
So, what's up? [HUFFS.]
I was talking to Abby and my dad earlier.
I think I gotta take Lisa Neumann's deal.
Sell the ranch.
Fuck that! You can't roll over.
I mean, I finally found something I like.
Ranching's awesome.
I lose that and I come home smelling like shit, that's just me! Do you think I'm happy about this? Me and Rooster busted our asses to get that place.
We was gonna call it the Bennett Brothers Ranch.
Now I'm letting him down, you, Peyton Yeah, so then let's fight.
I mean, I gave all my money to you, and Mary's drug dealer, and he's got a pretty strict no-refund policy.
We got nothin' to lose.
You I do.
I'm the only one on her footage.
Sorry, man.
I gotta sell it.
Listen, I know this won't fix everything, but I think I can get you a car.
You know that El Camino over in Peterson's shed? [POOL BALLS CLICK.]
Oh, shit, I've been wantin' an El Camino since the coolest kid in my school died winning a drag race in one.
Well, I guess the guy that lived "won," but It won't take much to get her runnin'.
Though my Instagram followers don't know that.
You sit in the front seat, plug in a hair dryer, looks like you're goin' 90 mile an hour through a barn.
Wait.
That skydiving picture Backpack, bike helmet, trampoline.
[DALE.]
Colt! You must be a sandwich because you are a big fuckin' hero.
What you on about? You might not remember Roger Hollister here.
He's got the ranch downstream from you fellas.
- Hey, Colt.
- Oh, shit.
Yeah, Mr.
Hollister.
Hey.
Of course.
Actually, your daughter used to be my babysitter.
In fact, she was actually my first babysitter.
Hey! Luke Matthews.
I sometimes need a babysitter.
[HOLLISTER.]
Pleasure's mine.
That dam was really screwing with me and a bunch of other ranchers.
I just wanna say thank you for what you did.
You ain't gotta thank me.
I was just doin' what was right.
I mean, if you insist, you could chip in on a new pair of Uggs.
We were just about to tap into Mike's college fund to build a well before you stood up to Neumann's Hill.
College fund for Mike? The last time I saw him, he was trying to open a jar of pickles with a stick! Yeah, that's my boy.
[SIGHS.]
I been doin' my rounds and everybody in town's talkin' about you takin' down that dam.
I'm not the only one calling you a hero.
[SCOFFS.]
Hero [LAUGHS.]
That's a big word.
Well, it's not that big.
I know bigger ones.
Like, "popcorn.
" Shit.
Is that two words? [SIGHS.]
Hey there.
[COLT.]
Hi.
- How'd she do? - Well, she was perfect.
As always.
[LAUGHS.]
She went through a couple bottles.
She might be the first Bennett who can outdrink me.
You never met my great-aunt Rose.
By the end, we were just pouring gin down a tube right into her stomach.
You know, I never got a chance to apologize to you for the other day.
I shoulda never yelled at you about some stupid grocery list.
Let me ask you something.
You think I was right to take down that dam? Actually, I think it was pretty stupid.
Oh Give you a mustache, I'd think you were my dad.
[CHUCKLES.]
But I can see why you did it.
You were standing up for what you believe in.
You were protecting your family and other ranchers.
That's never a bad thing.
Would you say I'm a hero? I think it's crazy, but people around town seem to disagree.
- A hero? - Stop.
I mean, if somebody brings up buildin' a statue, I want it to be full body.
I've been doing a lot of leg days.
I wanna get these calves on display.
That and just, like, fighting off an angry pack of wolves, but they're also my friends.
Why you fighting them off if they're your friends? Jesus! Why am I trying to make sense of this? [LAUGHS.]
You know, I I can see why people think you're a hero.
I mean, to them, Neumann's Hill is just a faceless, heartless corporation that's taking away their ranches, and killin' our town.
I mean, in some ways, Neumann's Hill is nothing but a bully.
Sometimes you gotta punch a bully in the face so he'll back off.
- You gotta stand up to him.
- That's right! Course, sometimes when you punch that bully, you get your ass kicked.
We'll see how this one turns out.
[COLT.]
Yeah.
That statue, you think, like, a loincloth or just full nude? So, where are you and Joanne going on your honeymoon? We went to Charlie's Steakhouse.
[SCOFFS.]
She convinced me to try some fancy dessert called "creamy brew-lee.
" It is burnt Tip Top.
Come on, you guys gotta go somewhere exotic, like Fiji or Bora Bora.
Branson.
Missouri? The only thing I want that state to show me is how to get out of it.
- All right.
Give it a try.
- Yeah.
[ENGINE CRANKS BUT DOESN'T START.]
All good.
Running like a Chevy.
[LUKE.]
Yeah.
Come on.
Even you gotta love an El Camino.
Look at this thing.
Business up front, party in the back.
It's the mullet of vehicles.
What happened to your Dodge? Locked itself in the garage and turned itself on? Yeah.
Well, what's the nicest way to say this? My drug-addicted ex-wife sold it for heroin.
I gotta stop marrying women I've only known a week.
Mary's that far gone? Yeah, I'm sure it didn't help that our wedding gifts to one another were drugs and alcohol.
Shoulda gone with my first idea, but who knows? I guess you can probably cook crack in a bread maker, too.
All right.
That might do it.
Let's see.
[ENGINE CRANKS BUT DOESN'T START.]
God damn this thing! That shoulda worked.
This whole thing would be a lot easier if the tools I needed weren't in my stolen truck.
That's all right.
We'll find it.
We're just finding out what it's not.
It's like when Colt went to high school.
Found out he wasn't good at math.
Or English.
Or history.
You just gotta find the PE of this car.
[GROWLS.]
Perfect! This bolt's seized.
[SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION.]
"It only needs a little work," Colt said.
This thing's a fuckin' piece of shit.
The fact that he thinks it'll make up for him losing the ranch and blowing my money, it's not.
Just take a deep breath I don't need one of your fucking speeches right now.
Okay? Since I got here, I lost 40 thousand dollars, my truck, my wife, and my job.
I just want one thing to fucking go my - I fucking broke it.
God damn this! - [METALLIC BANG.]
- Luke - Don't fuckin' touch me! - Hey.
- Hey, Colt.
Come on in.
Did you look over my proposal? Sure did.
Just made a couple changes in there.
You added four zeros to my offer.
Art of the deal.
But you added them after the decimal point, so it changes nothing.
Shit! You win again, math.
And what is this? Oh, that's I just want it in writin' that you ain't gonna put the dam back up after I sign.
[LISA LAUGHS.]
This isn't a negotiation.
I would counter with, "Yes, it is.
" I am giving you more than a fair price, but if you feel that you need more, I can throw in a signed Peyton Manning ball.
Lisa, this ain't about me.
I'm not gonna throw it in for a signed football, or a jersey, or John Elway's home address.
Go ahead, write it down.
Give it to me and see what I do.
[SIGHS.]
Colt, you're not in any position to make demands.
Lisa, you don't need the dam.
You already won.
I'm sellin' you my dream.
I was gonna raise my kids on that ranch, with my family.
Now I'm gonna have to go back to work for my dad.
You work with him.
How much more do you want me to be punished? If I wanted to punish you, I would buy Sephora and close all of their Colorado stores.
[HUFFS.]
That would scare me in a world without Ulta.
Look, the Hollisters volunteer down at the church every Sunday.
The Kincaids, in the fall, put up one of them corn mazes for the kids to run through.
Yeah, sure, last year I got lost in there but the Girl Scouts heard my cries and they came in and saved me.
These families are the fabric of our community, and they depend on that stream.
What about what my ranches need? You can afford to get water from anywhere! But these people? This is all they got! If you wanna buy my ranch, you can't put up the dam.
It's the only way I'm signin'.
Colt, sign, don't sign those other ranchers aren't going to jail.
You are.
Do you really think that a jury of people from this town are gonna side with you? And even if they do, if, by some miracle, you win, that's fine.
'Cause according to Ulta, I'm a "fall" and I will look great in an orange jumpsuit.
Hey.
Hey.
If I ever find out who invented Sudoku, I'm gonna stab 'em in the neck: nine times, then five times, then one time.
Supposed to help with your memory.
Well, must be workin', 'cause I remember how much I fuckin' hate puzzles.
Listen, I think we oughta take a trip somewhere.
You wanna go to the Reagan Library, you just ask.
The second they move the Reagan Library outta California, I'm there.
[CHUCKLES.]
I was thinking maybe somewhere like Europe.
As long as it's a place where they fought the Nazis.
Or at least didn't lay down.
You wanna go to Europe? [LAUGHS.]
You told me once, "You can't spell 'Europe' without 'rope,' which is what I'm gonna hang myself with if I ever have to go to Europe.
" With everything going on, we haven't had a chance to celebrate our marriage.
This could be our honeymoon.
Oh, come on, we talked about that.
We don't need a honeymoon.
Oh, come on.
There must be someplace in the world you'd like to see.
Well, I've heard Thailand's beautiful.
There must be someplace else in the world you'd like to see.
- Oh, Abby's here to pick up Peyton.
- [CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
Hey! How about Spain? Oh, no, Joanne.
You having memory troubles again? We just got back from Spain.
Colt, this is stupid, okay.
You need to go back and tell her you changed your mind.
- [COLT.]
Yeah, stupid.
- Yeah! What's goin' on? Go on.
Tell 'em.
[PEYTON MOANS.]
I asked Lisa Neumann to keep the stream flowing.
And she won't do it.
So I ain't sellin' her my ranch.
Are you kiddin' me? She gives you a lifeline and this is what you do? We talked about this.
You're gonna go to jail.
You know, I called my mom.
You know what she said? "Way to go, Colt! Great job! Fuck Lisa Neumann!" Mom stood up to that oil company and got that pipeline shut down.
And I'm standing up to Lisa Neumann 'cause building that dam is wrong.
You're not gonna win this.
Nobody thought Mom'd win.
But she did.
Otherwise, if we'd had that pipeline money, we'd be havin' this argument in our kick-ass above-ground pool.
There's a lot of people in town who agree with Colt.
Well, I'm not one of them.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
She's got money and lawyers.
- All you've got is your goddamn pride.
- [CAR DRIVES AWAY.]
Let's see what that pride gets you in prison.
You know it's amazing.
Everyone in this town understands how important this is.
And the two people I need to hear it from the most won't even support me.
It's just unfucking believable.
[BEAU.]
Hard to get her running from back there.
What you talkin' about? I'm in a duct-taped La-Z-Boy in the back of a broken-down truck.
If this was Talladega, you'd need a wristband for this.
[BEAU CHUCKLES.]
Got something for you.
[LUKE GROANS.]
Who is Pedro and why are you giving me his tools? No, Pedro gave them to Rooster.
Least that's what Rooster said.
He probably stole 'em.
I'm tryin' to do something nice.
Just fuckin' take 'em.
Wow! Thank you.
I've never been given someone's son's friend's tools before.
Rooster used to like to work on engines.
Motorbikes.
A lot of good mechanic's tools in there.
Nothing would make me happier than to see you and I get this Chevy running.
And since it's a Chevy, I'll work on it again tomorrow after it breaks down.
Hey, um about earlier You know, being here, it's really given me something to look forward to everyday Got a lot more than money invested here.
All that shit went down with Mary, and then on top of it Colt and the ranch, I just I'm sorry.
No reason to be sorry.
You got a lot goin' on.
We all do.
Well, I think we both know it's more than that for me.
Who knew I'd be triggered by something as tiny as my entire life turning to shit? Your life's going to shit? I might be going to Spain.
What do you think? Well pfff earlier, I thought the engine wasn't getting enough fuel.
Now I'm starting to think maybe it was getting too much.
Maybe we flooded it.
Maybe it's just as simple as turning that fuel mixture screw a quarter-turn back.
If it's that simple, I'm gonna punch a wall, just to give you a heads-up.
Okay All right.
[ENGINE CRANKS BUT DOESN'T START.]
[LUKE CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Thank God.
That woulda killed me.
You know, Beau, I just It's not the first time this has happened and I just wanna say thanks for never giving up on me.
Luke, you've become like a son to me.
One of these days, you'll have your own kid, and you'll understand what a father's willing to do for his son.
Hopefully, your son won't wear his wife's yoga pants to work on Casual Friday.
[LUKE SNORTS.]
All right.
Well We need to get this thing movin'.
And I dunno what it is.
We got compression, we got fuel, we got spark.
I don't know.
Maybe the fuel's just no good.
This thing hasn't run since we just thought Elton John was a showman.
Why don't we pour some fresh gas right into the carburetor? That's crazy dangerous.
Let's definitely do that.
Do we have a safe word in case things go sideways? I think the engine bursting into flames will give us a hint.
[LUKE.]
Here we go.
[ENGINE CRANKS.]
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
- [LUKE WHOOPS.]
Come on! We did it! Oh! All right, that's enough.
I just hug you to piss off Colt.
[COWS MOOING.]
Hey.
Wasn't sure if you were still gonna be here, or if you were gonna be in jail.
Not yet.
I'm ready, though.
Got a bottle of TRESemmé conditioner taped to my inner thigh.
You sure you wanna look good for the guys in prison? [COLT SNORTS.]
Those are the divorce papers? Yeah.
Where's Peyton? She's with my parents.
Why? Didn't want her to see her dad get arrested.
Pretty sure that's a decision you don't get to make on your own.
[ABBY SCOFFS.]
You kidding me? We're in this position 'cause you make every decision on your own.
You coulda taken Lisa's deal and been inside right now with Peyton, singin' that fuckin' "Baby Shark" song for the seven-millionth time.
I know you think I'm stupid.
Maybe I am.
Wouldn't it have been worse if I just gave up? Sell Lisa Neumann my ranch, she's gonna put that dam right back up.
Them other ranchers, downstream, they're just screwed.
I can come here and work for my dad.
Those people ain't got a backup plan.
All right.
That's fine.
You keep worrying about what's best for those ranchers and I'll worry about what's best for Peyton.
I worry about that all the time.
When we got separated, you were worried about what kinda role models we were gonna be for her.
Well, this is the kinda role model I wanna be.
I want her to see that her dad doesn't just quit when things get hard.
He don't just stand up for himself but for the community.
He don't turn away when others are getting pushed around.
[LAUGHING.]
This is bullshit.
You weren't worrying about anyone but yourself.
Okay? You took down that dam, to save your ranch, and if it helped anyone else, it was just an accident.
You're wrong.
I'm in the right here.
I'm a good person.
Well, I mean, that's just bad timin'.
[WILKERSON SIGHS.]
Come on, Bennett.
Let's go.
Shit.
How did you get here, Wilkerson? Ain't you supposed to be in a rear-facing seat? Just get in the car.
Wait.
You didn't sign these.
If it's that important to you, come get 'em signed at the jail.
Hey.
I think it's great what you're doing for the community.
[COLT.]
Fuck you, Wilkerson! [DOOR KNOCKS.]
Hey, Lisa.
Hey, Beau.
If you're here about Colt, I'm sorry.
I offered him a way out, but he chose not to take it.
I'm not here to argue.
I told him to take your deal.
I don't agree with Colt's decision, but he's my son and I'd do anything for him.
I want you to drop the charges.
Why would I do that? 'Cause if you do, I'll sell you my ranch.
This is ho-o-o-o-o-ome This is home Now I know where I belong Wo-o-oah I can see too clearly Feel if you're near me This fire never dies out This is ho-o-o-o-o-ome This is ho-o-o-o-o-ome This is home