The Simple Life (2003) s04e08 Episode Script

Boys, I'm gonna be waiting outside till you guys get down.
I just changed purses.
NARRA TOR: Even ifyou're an international superstar, weekends can 't always be just about fun and games.
And from time to time, even Paris and Nicole ha ve to roll up their sleeves, and tackle the occasional chore.
I feel so bad.
Billy ldol.
(CHUCKLlNG) (EXCLAlMlNG) MAN: See? He likes it now.
He looks good.
WOMAN: He was so dirty, it's not even a joke.
He thinks he's getting a massage.
-Look, he's into it.
-NlCOLE: Yeah, he likes it.
-He loves it.
-Yeah, she's doing a great job.
-Turning him on.
-I'm going to give him a happy ending.
NARRA TOR: And across town, Paris is taking younger brothers Baron and Conrad on their own shopping spree in honor oflittle Conrad's birthday.
Anything you guys want, it's on me.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
This is cute.
Does Gwen Stefani make this dress? -I'm bored.
Are you? -Yeah.
I thought we're just shopping for me.
Well, I know it's your birthday, but I just can't help it.
PARlS: Where the hell are we? NARRA TOR: Paris and Nicole are used to getting their way, but the tables will be turned this week when they are paired with a husband who is hard to please.
Hi, my name is Allen Beggs.
This is my wife, Becky, my oldest daughter, Ashley, Zachary, my son, and my youngest daughter, Stephanie.
ALL: We're the Beggs family.
Let's look up Paris Hilton on the lnternet.
Want to? Paris Hilton.
"Simple Life problem.
" Lookit, there's Nicole.
I don't think they like each other for some weird reason.
NARRA TOR: After a short drive and a long look in the mirror, the girls are ready to meet the Beggs.
I guess I am kind of particular in the way I like to see the house kept.
ALLEN: I like things in order.
Some people think I'm a little too controlling, but I like things the way they're supposed to be.
I can't reach now.
ALLEN: I would expect Paris and Nicole to keep my house looking great, just like my wife does.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG) -Hi.
Come on in.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Becky.
How are you? -Nice to meet you.
Paris.
-Hi, how are you? -How are you? -Ashley, Stephanie.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Hi, Paris.
Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
ALLEN: When it comes to keeping the house clean, the rules are pretty simple.
If you make a mess, clean it up.
There should be no trail that you were ever here.
NARRA TOR: Having already mastered a variety of wifely duties, it's time for the girls to get back to basics.
The lesson of the day is housekeeping.
-Great.
-Yeah.
We have laundry, ironing, clean floors.
I don't know how to do, like, -ls that okay? -No.
You're gonna need to mow the lawn, front yard.
You'll know if Allen's not happy with what you do.
He likes them done in a particular way.
Stop it.
-Hot.
-Okay.
Dinner's important to me.
We're gonna have a few people from church over.
-Sure.
-That's kind of important.
Make sure dinner is at least edible.
-Okay.
-Make sure it's something good.
Do you have any questions? What do you mow the lawn with? How do you do it? Push "start.
" It's like a car.
I think you'll be all right.
-That is an awesome ring, Paris.
-Oh, thank you.
-What Is that a diamond? -Yeah.
-How big is that? -Twenty-four.
Wow.
I went to, like, so many diamond dealers to find it around the world, so I could not clean the house with this ring on.
BECKY: Hey, guys, I'm gonna go.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Yep.
Bye, guys.
I love you.
-Bye.
-Bye, gorgeous.
Bye.
-All right, Nicole.
Good luck.
-NlCOLE: All right.
All right, so the first thing to do is laundry.
Do you guys have laundry? -We have laundry.
-Yeah, totally.
PARlS: You have a laundry chute.
That's hot.
And we throw them down.
It slides down there.
I think we broke it.
(LAUGHlNG) Well, that's easier for us, anyway.
You guys have enough laundry? And this, like, fuzzy lamp? You don't smell too good.
Do you want to go down the chute, too? All right, so how many pieces we have there, like, 30? NARRA TOR: Having been warned about Mr.
Beggs ' obsession with order, Nicole has decided to test the waters.
I wonder how they're doing down there.
Do you have a knife? Never mind.
I used my ring.
I wonder if I should go down there.
(BEEPS) -How dirty are they? -ZACHARY: Very.
-They are? -Yeah.
-I finished all the laundry.
-Okay.
How? -Look, we'll show you.
-I put it all in your pool.
You what? You gotta be kidding me! Are you guys idiots? It's soaking right now so we should just let it soak.
Who's going dive in and get them? You better start.
All right, so we did one.
Ironing.
(BLEEPED OUT) Ow! How All right.
So we did the laundry, and should we clean up after the dog? -Okay.
-Do you guys want to grab some mugs? Here's some fresh ones.
My mug is full.
-Where should we throw it? -ASHLEY: Not in the pool.
-Your neighbor's yard? -Okay.
Ready? One, two, three.
(LAUGHlNG) NARRA TOR: Having finally conquered the ironing board, Uh-oh.
Paris gets an idea on how to take ironing to the next level.
(GLASS CRASHlNG) (SlZZLlNG) Uh-oh.
Hey, there.
Clean that.
Good boy.
No chocolate for you.
-Husband.
-ALLEN: Yes.
-I made you some lunch.
-Wow.
Well, that's really interesting.
This looks fantastic.
Fantastic.
I mean, I'm not shocked, but Wow.
Laundry, I did.
Ironing, I did.
Clean floors.
(BEEPlNG) (EXCLAlMS) This thing is insane.
(GLASS BREAKlNG) (SCREAMS) It's a wet floor.
Laundry done.
(HUMMlNG) Ironing done.
Great.
Not bad.
Mow the lawn.
-I'm going to go mow the lawn.
-Okay.
(ENGlNE STOPS) NARRA TOR: Nicole and the lawnmower don't get along.
But Paris plows through the grass like a well-seasoned landscaper.
(ENGlNE STARTS) (RUMBLlNG) Paris, the washer.
The washer's overflowing.
-What? -The washer's overflowing.
-What? -The washer's overflowing.
(EXCLAlMS) (RUMBLlNG) Oh, my God.
NARRA TOR: Paris is cleaning house for the Beggs family this week.
But she won 't be on the cover ofGood Housekeeping anytime soon.
PARlS: How did this happen? ZACHARY: I think a little bit too much soap.
All right.
Well, I have an idea.
(ENGlNE RUNNlNG) -We did it.
-Okay.
(BEEPlNG) Uh-oh! Now the machine won't start.
I know the perfect person to call.
Okay, so what happened? Well, I was doing the laundry, and we put a little soap in.
And then I was outside and I came back in, and the whole room was filled with bubbles.
Really? LlMAR: Let's take a quick look.
All right, fantastic.
Think it's all better.
-Thanks, gorgeous.
-No, well, thank you.
-Bye.
-Bye-bye.
Hey, Paris, how you doing? Who was that? -Someone trying to sell something.
-Oh.
So how is it going? Everything going good? Good.
I did the laundry.
-Good.
-I mowed the lawn.
You know what? You haven't been at it that long.
You're doing great.
Thank you.
NARRA TOR: Nicole's had her own long day cleaning the Beggs house.
This isn't too bad, Nicole.
Show me something else you've done.
One room is not good.
I mean, you got a lot to go here.
Well, I was starting on your son's room.
Okay, but To be honest with you, I'm really tired.
Like, don't you want to just, like, take a break, and have some fun for a little bit? Well, Nicole, I would love to take a break, but, you know, you got to finish what you're given to do before you can go out, and just, you know, frolic and have fun.
We could all use a breath of fresh air.
It's better to step away from the situation, and to think about it and come back.
-ALLEN: So where we going? -It's a surprise.
-Okay.
-But you guys will love it.
-Hi.
-Hi.
Welcome to Frédéric Fekkai.
So what are we doing today? Well, I wanted to bring them here to get pampered.
Something very adult Oh, my God! That's cold.
-ALLEN: There you go.
-So it's like a tail, kind of.
Nicole! All right.
Clean the floors.
Now I'll do the dishes.
Oh, my God! It won't die.
(DlSHES CLANGlNG) So disgusting.
We need an exterminator.
I don't want it squirting on me.
(SCREAMlNG) NARRA TOR: Nicole's dad, pop legend Lionel Richie, just happens to be in the neighborhood and stops by to say hello.
How you doing? Hello.
-Hi, guys.
-Hi.
-This is my dad.
-LlONEL: Hi, how are you? -Hi, I'm Stephanie.
-Hi.
-You're not in charge, are you? -Yeah, I'm in charge.
LlONEL: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
NlCOLE: I'll introduce you to the dad.
He's getting his hair washed.
-How are you? -I'm doing better now.
-You know -It's a great cut.
-You like the look? -It's a great cut.
-It's his house that I messed up.
-Dude, she wrecked my house.
You let Nicole in your house? It took her 18 years to get her out of my house.
What are you talking about? I've got my own teenage daughter now.
She's about to hit 17.
Any advice? You want advice from me? Prepare for everything.
Prepare for everything.
-Okay.
-But the point is, you'll never be prepared enough.
With Nicole, she went through a very difficult period.
But, luckily, she came out the other side.
-Exactly.
Luckily.
-Luckily.
For everything I said "Don't" -Maybe you should've said -I know, I know.
I think about it now.
Maybe you should tell your daughter, like, "Get in car accidents, do some drugs," -and then she wouldn't do it.
-ALLEN: Hey, Ash, would that work? -What? -Get in a car accident.
Would that work? Listen, listen, listen Okay.
I'll do the talking.
-ALLEN: That'll help you not go that route? -The answer's no, absolutely not.
-Absolutely not.
-I got to go.
-So nice seeing you.
-Hey, nice meeting you.
Oh yeah, good luck.
You'll need it.
Okay.
God Christ, my daughter.
What am I doing for a living? -ALLEN: Take care.
-All right, you guys.
NARRA TOR: While Lionel abandons the Beggs, Paris has finally figured out a way to rid the house ofroaches.
(ENGlNE RUNNlNG) (EXCLAlMlNG) (ENGlNE STOPS) NARRA TOR: Back in Beverly Hills, Nicole wants to build on the Beggs'new look.
ALLEN: Nicole, are you telling us that we don't look good? No, you look really good, but do you love it? -I think so.
-I love you.
What about this? I wear these all the time.
Yeah, but you're a girl.
-ls that just to cover up his baldness? -He looks so cute.
What are you doing? I look like a pirate.
-Ahoy, matey.
-So cute.
NlCOLE: Shake it like you own it.
Yeah, bitch.
You look gorgeous.
-Bye.
-Thank you.
-ALLEN: Hey, Nicole.
-Yeah? You know how you and your dad went through rough times -when you were 16? -Mmm-hmm.
Same things happen with best friends.
And you've been best friends with Paris How long with her? NlCOLE: Well, we haven't been friends in a few years.
ALLEN: How long were you friends before the blowout? Ten years? 12? 15? 18? 25? But I was, like, wasted on drugs so I didn't know who I was friends with.
-Hey, Paris, what's up? -Literally, your house is infested.
-What? -There was, like, two-inch cockroaches -in the kitchen.
-Cockroaches? They're not I got them out of the house.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-How you doing? -How was your day? -How was your day? -Yep.
-Very good.
-lt was good.
I did all the chores.
So I was about to start dinner now.
-ALLEN: Okay.
She said -Start dinner now.
Start dinner? -ALLEN: Start.
-You said start dinner, right? -PARlS: I'm quick.
-Can you do that in five minutes or less? -Yes.
-Sure you don't want any help? -I got it.
-Sure? It's going to be a surprise.
Had a lot of them already.
NARRA TOR: After a long day, Paris has just 10 minutes to make dinner for Allen and Becky's church group.
Fortunately, Miss Hilton has a plan.
And Nicole has returned with her very own dinner solution.
Hi.
-Where have you been? -I brought you a surprise.
-Okay.
-A chef.
-That's very nice.
So -Dinner at home.
-What's this? -Oh, and I did her makeup and her hair a little bit, but it got messed up in the rain.
-And I gave your son some extensions.
-Zach, what are you doing? -Are you guys hungry? -Yes.
Okay.
Sure.
I'm a little shocked.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG) -Hi.
I'm Paris.
-Hi.
-Hi, I'm Julie.
-Nice to see you, hello.
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG) -Hi.
I'm Paris.
-Hi.
-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Nice to see you.
-Thanks for having us.
-Thank you.
Go in the dining room.
We're serving dinner.
You guys want to pass those down? -Sure.
-That looks terrific.
WOMAN: This is a nice touch.
This is pure Paris.
Can I have everyone's attention, please? I would like to make a toast.
Here's to a great day.
To this wonderful family that I've been staying with.
I hope everyone likes the dinner, 'cause I worked very hard on it.
-Amen.
-ALL: Amen.
ALLEN: I think that ifl had to judge Paris and Nicole, Nicole is more, kind of, out there.
Dinner's served, everyone.
She was kind of all over the map.
And I think overall Paris did a great job.
Did she do any one task spectacular? No.
Bye, guys.
Nice to meet you.
Did she really know what she was doing on any of the tasks? No.
I think she did wonderful.
Zachary, please don't eat any of those.
ALLEN: Don't eat the food.
Don't eat the food.
NARRA TOR: Next, on The Simple Life So sexy.
Hey, what are you doing? You don't do this in ballet.
That's not appropriate.
Your wife asked me to do a project with the kids.
I'm open to pretty much anything.
You look beautiful as a blonde.
(SCREAMlNG) Oh, my God!