The Wonder Years s04e08 Episode Script
The Sixth Man
What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends Whoa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh Somebody who knows quite sure Baby By with a little help from my friends Said I'm gonna make it with my friends Try with a little help from my friends Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying High with a little help from my friends I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby Ooh, ooh, ooh [ Bat cracks .]
And there it is! DiMaggio has hit in 56 straight games! There are a lot of great records in sports.
Rocky Marciano fought to victory in 49 straight heavyweight prizefights.
The university of Oklahoma won 47 college football games in a row.
Score! But in the annals of sports, there was one record that surpassed them all, one destined to go unbroken for time immemorial.
[ Whistle blows .]
Arnold wins! The crowd's going wild! [ Imitates crowd cheering .]
I had beaten Paul Pfeiffer at basketball, as near as I can remember, 788 times in a row, give or take a hundred.
Want to play again? Sure.
Loser's out.
It was a streak that went all the way back to kindergarten, maybe even before.
Brand new game.
Hondo's bringing the ball up court.
He's looking good, folks.
He goes left.
He goes right.
He goes left! Not that I was some kind of all-American.
It's just I was me.
Whereas Paul Paul was Paul.
Okay, no more Mr.
nice guy.
- Really? - Count on it.
But we both knew better.
We knew some things never change.
And in basketball Steal! As in our friendship Jumper from the corner.
I called the shots.
[ Whistle blows .]
Men.
Let's talk about Opportunity.
The opportunity [ Chalkboard creaking .]
To be part of something big Really big Bigger than all of us.
Gentlemen Basketball tryouts begin this afternoon.
[ All groan softly .]
Who'd like to play? [ All groaning .]
Now, ordinarily, the chance to play varsity ball is something any kid would jump at Hands! In any other school Anyone.
In any other town For any other coach.
He must be dreaming.
Yeah, no way I'm playing for that joker.
Kisling.
How about you? [ Groans .]
But in the world according to Ed Cutlip, volunteers weren't born.
What about you, hill? They were made.
Martinson.
[ Chalk squeaking .]
Steele.
Made you wonder if this is how they pick teams in Russia.
Who else? What are you doing? Shh! Call it wisdom.
Call it cowardice.
All I knew was, I was gonna dodge this bullet.
Pfeiffer.
Unfortunately, the bullet hit Paul.
Me? Why me? I don't know.
Maybe he thought you were someone else.
Huh? Poor guy.
He'd become a victim of the system.
But don't worry.
There's got to be some way we can get you out of this.
Ah.
Men.
Uh Hi, coach.
So, Pfeiffer, see you at tryouts this afternoon? Hmm? Okay, it was clear this kid needed help.
Uh He can't make it.
He's busy with Uh, bassoon lessons after school.
Huh? Hmm.
Didn't know you were a bassoon man.
I'm not.
I'll be there, coach.
Atta fella.
Paul, why'd you do that? Well, I don't know.
He asked me.
[ Scoffs .]
Come on, Paul Get serious.
What do you mean by that? Man, you don't actually want to go to those tryouts, do you? [ Sighs .]
Trust me.
You don't want to do this.
I mean, let's face it, the whole idea's a joke, right? [ Sighs .]
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it's stupid.
'Course it was stupid.
Paul Pfeiffer on a basketball team was like Barney Fife working for the FBI.
Come on, everyone, we got to get together now Yeah, it was really fun.
I don't believe it.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Hi, Paul.
Hi, guys.
Paul, where have you been? I was I was doing something.
Uhhuh.
Like trying out for the basketball team? Well Yeah.
Really? How'd it go? As if we couldn't guess.
Crash and burn.
I think it went pretty well.
At least, coach Cutlip thought so.
You're kidding.
Well, I mean, I haven't made the team yet or anything, but So far, so good.
Well, I think that's great.
I'm so proud of you.
Aren't you proud of him, Kevin? Uh Sure.
Of course I was proud of him.
That went without saying.
I was proud enough to say Paul? How about getting us another pitcher of soda? You got it! This one's on me.
Hey, Woody, could you fill that up for me? Thanks.
Good old Paul.
Yeah.
But, suddenly, "Paul was Paul" - Hi, Paul.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Wasn't quite Paul.
Something was different.
Something was Wrong.
Come on, let's play.
Now? Yeah.
Why not? I thought we were gonna study American history.
The war of 1812 was fought in, uh, 1812.
There, we studied.
Okay? Actually, as it happens, it was fought in -Your ball out.
[ Sighs .]
Okay.
'Course, I was only looking for a friendly game And maybe a few answers.
So, how come you didn't tell me you were trying out for the team? Well, I did Kind of.
Yeah, but then I thought we agreed that it was a bad idea, didn't we? You know, that whole thing about Cutlip and hey, he's not so bad.
What? Well, he isn't Really.
What was this? Heresy? I just thought I'd, you know, give it a try.
Paul, you don't think you're actually gonna make the team, do you? Well -I mean, come on, it's ridiculous.
You can't even beat me.
You know? [ Scoffs .]
II don't know, Kev.
I just thought maybe I'd give it a sh So we played.
And for the first time ever, Paul didn't do a running commentary on the action.
Yes! To this day, I don't know if I was really hot or if Paul was really cold.
But what I did know was I was teaching Paul a lesson.
Ow! Foul! A lesson he'd never forget.
Hey! And it was for his own good.
Swish! [ Sighs .]
For the record win number 790.
So, want to go again? [ Dog barking in distance .]
Go ahead.
Free shot.
You know, people just don't always appreciate the nice things you try to do for them.
The day after victory number 790, things were a little touchy.
Hey.
But I didn't avoid Paul.
Hey.
And he didn't avoid me, either.
We were just Nonchalant.
I was nonchalant.
Hey.
He was nonchalant.
Hey.
It was kind of like the nonchalant challenge.
But by the end of the day, it was clear.
Somebody had to break the ice.
What's going on? Oh, nothing.
So, do you want to come over to my house after school today? Can't.
Obviously a bald-faced lie.
Well, you know, I could really use your help studying for history.
I mean, that stuff's really tough, you know? And besides, "Mission: Impossible's" on at 4 thanks, but I got something I got to do.
Like what? Basketball tryouts.
What? I couldn't believe it.
I'd explained to him, argued with him, and the kid still wouldn't listen to reason.
See ya.
And that settled that.
If Paul insisted on being something he wasn't I had only one option left.
[ Whistle blows .]
Millman! Let's show a little hustle, huh?! Shake a leg! It was time to appeal to a higher power To use the term loosely.
Thompson! You want a tea party, go to Boston! [ Chuckles .]
Mr.
Cutlip? Arnold.
I was wondering if we could talk for a second.
See It's about Paul.
Paul Pfeiffer? Ah.
Pfeiffer.
He's not in any kind of trouble, is he? Drugs? Theft? Armed robbery? Uh Good.
Glad to hear it.
And So much for small talk.
It's just, I'm his best friend, and, uh He actually thinks you might put him on the team.
[ Snickers .]
Oh, he does, does he? Yeah.
And Frankly I think you might be leading him on.
That so? Well, yeah.
I mean, I've played tons of b-ball with him in my backyard, so, yeah, I should know.
I beat him every time.
You know? 'Course, in some way, I knew I was betraying my best friend, but facts were facts.
This isn't your backyard, son.
Huh? Pfeiffer look at him.
So I looked at Paul.
He still looked like the guy I'd beaten 790 times in a row.
The only thing is He didn't play like him.
Yeah! [ Clapping .]
Looking sharp there, Pfeiffer! It was astonishing.
This was the man who'd launched a million air balls in my backyard? I felt like I was watching a total stranger, some kid I'd never even met.
Yeah! So, I did the only thing I could think of.
Attaboy, Paul! Way to go! And there you had it.
One word from me, and, suddenly, Paul was Paul again.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
Air ball! Ugh! Come on, Pfeiffer! You're playing like a girl! [ Whistle blows .]
Pankus! Get in there for Pfeiffer! All right, let's hustle it up, now! Hill! After that, there didn't seem to be much reason to stick around any longer.
I mean, hey Martinson, the game is basketball! Look it up in a dictionary, will you? Come on! Didn't want to embarrass the guy or anything.
I tried to study for my American history test that evening, but somehow, I just couldn't concentrate.
Maybe there was a reason.
Butthead at 3:00.
Launch missile.
Wayne, knock it off, will you?! I'm trying to study! Wayne! What's the matter, little brother? You seem Troubled.
You want to talk about it? No.
I understand.
Some things Just too deep for words.
And even though I knew I should let the matter drop What do you mean by that? You think I'm made out of stone? Hey, I live around here.
I see things.
It's Paul, isn't it? I mean, you carry the guy on your back for 14 years, and now he doesn't need you anymore.
Ungrateful twerp.
But, uh, don't don't let it get to you.
I mean, the guy's always been a loser, right? It was Horrible.
In one fell swoop, my neanderthal brother had looked into my innermost feelings, and it wasn't a pretty sight.
He's not a loser, Wayne.
Sure he is.
You know it, and I know it.
If he walks like a duck If he talks like a duck Then it must be the Pfeiffster.
[ Chuckles .]
But, suddenly, I knew it wasn't true not anymore.
And at that moment, I knew what I had to do.
[ Thunder rumbling .]
Ugh! Wayne! Think about it! [ Grunting .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
When you're 14, bruises heal quickly some of them, anyway.
But that night, I felt a kind of hurt I knew wasn't gonna just disappear Not by itself.
I want a game.
- What? - You heard me.
I want a game.
Why? So I can beat you one more time? Who says you're gonna beat me? Paul, I beat you every time.
Yeah.
Well, maybe not this time.
[ Sighs .]
Forget it.
I don't really feel like letting you win.
I want a game.
[ Sighs .]
Paul, come on.
I've been creaming you for the past 14 years! What makes you think it's ever gonna be any different? Because! Because what? Because things change, Kev.
I've changed.
[ Sighs .]
Not to me.
I know.
[ Dog barking in distance .]
Prove it.
Loser's out.
That night, Paul Pfeiffer and I played the most important game of our lives.
Ah! Ugh.
We both played hard, and we both played to win.
And no game ever mattered more To both of us.
Maybe change is never easy.
You fight to hold on.
You fight to let go.
But that night, after 790 consecutive losses Paul finally beat me.
[ Crowd cheering .]
Paul made the basketball team that year.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
And he had some loyal fans.
But his biggest fan Come on, Paul! Was also his best friend.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Whistle blowing .]
[ Crowd cheering .]
I guess sometimes you have to grow apart To keep growing together.
And there it is! DiMaggio has hit in 56 straight games! There are a lot of great records in sports.
Rocky Marciano fought to victory in 49 straight heavyweight prizefights.
The university of Oklahoma won 47 college football games in a row.
Score! But in the annals of sports, there was one record that surpassed them all, one destined to go unbroken for time immemorial.
[ Whistle blows .]
Arnold wins! The crowd's going wild! [ Imitates crowd cheering .]
I had beaten Paul Pfeiffer at basketball, as near as I can remember, 788 times in a row, give or take a hundred.
Want to play again? Sure.
Loser's out.
It was a streak that went all the way back to kindergarten, maybe even before.
Brand new game.
Hondo's bringing the ball up court.
He's looking good, folks.
He goes left.
He goes right.
He goes left! Not that I was some kind of all-American.
It's just I was me.
Whereas Paul Paul was Paul.
Okay, no more Mr.
nice guy.
- Really? - Count on it.
But we both knew better.
We knew some things never change.
And in basketball Steal! As in our friendship Jumper from the corner.
I called the shots.
[ Whistle blows .]
Men.
Let's talk about Opportunity.
The opportunity [ Chalkboard creaking .]
To be part of something big Really big Bigger than all of us.
Gentlemen Basketball tryouts begin this afternoon.
[ All groan softly .]
Who'd like to play? [ All groaning .]
Now, ordinarily, the chance to play varsity ball is something any kid would jump at Hands! In any other school Anyone.
In any other town For any other coach.
He must be dreaming.
Yeah, no way I'm playing for that joker.
Kisling.
How about you? [ Groans .]
But in the world according to Ed Cutlip, volunteers weren't born.
What about you, hill? They were made.
Martinson.
[ Chalk squeaking .]
Steele.
Made you wonder if this is how they pick teams in Russia.
Who else? What are you doing? Shh! Call it wisdom.
Call it cowardice.
All I knew was, I was gonna dodge this bullet.
Pfeiffer.
Unfortunately, the bullet hit Paul.
Me? Why me? I don't know.
Maybe he thought you were someone else.
Huh? Poor guy.
He'd become a victim of the system.
But don't worry.
There's got to be some way we can get you out of this.
Ah.
Men.
Uh Hi, coach.
So, Pfeiffer, see you at tryouts this afternoon? Hmm? Okay, it was clear this kid needed help.
Uh He can't make it.
He's busy with Uh, bassoon lessons after school.
Huh? Hmm.
Didn't know you were a bassoon man.
I'm not.
I'll be there, coach.
Atta fella.
Paul, why'd you do that? Well, I don't know.
He asked me.
[ Scoffs .]
Come on, Paul Get serious.
What do you mean by that? Man, you don't actually want to go to those tryouts, do you? [ Sighs .]
Trust me.
You don't want to do this.
I mean, let's face it, the whole idea's a joke, right? [ Sighs .]
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it's stupid.
'Course it was stupid.
Paul Pfeiffer on a basketball team was like Barney Fife working for the FBI.
Come on, everyone, we got to get together now Yeah, it was really fun.
I don't believe it.
[ Indistinct conversation .]
Hi, Paul.
Hi, guys.
Paul, where have you been? I was I was doing something.
Uhhuh.
Like trying out for the basketball team? Well Yeah.
Really? How'd it go? As if we couldn't guess.
Crash and burn.
I think it went pretty well.
At least, coach Cutlip thought so.
You're kidding.
Well, I mean, I haven't made the team yet or anything, but So far, so good.
Well, I think that's great.
I'm so proud of you.
Aren't you proud of him, Kevin? Uh Sure.
Of course I was proud of him.
That went without saying.
I was proud enough to say Paul? How about getting us another pitcher of soda? You got it! This one's on me.
Hey, Woody, could you fill that up for me? Thanks.
Good old Paul.
Yeah.
But, suddenly, "Paul was Paul" - Hi, Paul.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Wasn't quite Paul.
Something was different.
Something was Wrong.
Come on, let's play.
Now? Yeah.
Why not? I thought we were gonna study American history.
The war of 1812 was fought in, uh, 1812.
There, we studied.
Okay? Actually, as it happens, it was fought in -Your ball out.
[ Sighs .]
Okay.
'Course, I was only looking for a friendly game And maybe a few answers.
So, how come you didn't tell me you were trying out for the team? Well, I did Kind of.
Yeah, but then I thought we agreed that it was a bad idea, didn't we? You know, that whole thing about Cutlip and hey, he's not so bad.
What? Well, he isn't Really.
What was this? Heresy? I just thought I'd, you know, give it a try.
Paul, you don't think you're actually gonna make the team, do you? Well -I mean, come on, it's ridiculous.
You can't even beat me.
You know? [ Scoffs .]
II don't know, Kev.
I just thought maybe I'd give it a sh So we played.
And for the first time ever, Paul didn't do a running commentary on the action.
Yes! To this day, I don't know if I was really hot or if Paul was really cold.
But what I did know was I was teaching Paul a lesson.
Ow! Foul! A lesson he'd never forget.
Hey! And it was for his own good.
Swish! [ Sighs .]
For the record win number 790.
So, want to go again? [ Dog barking in distance .]
Go ahead.
Free shot.
You know, people just don't always appreciate the nice things you try to do for them.
The day after victory number 790, things were a little touchy.
Hey.
But I didn't avoid Paul.
Hey.
And he didn't avoid me, either.
We were just Nonchalant.
I was nonchalant.
Hey.
He was nonchalant.
Hey.
It was kind of like the nonchalant challenge.
But by the end of the day, it was clear.
Somebody had to break the ice.
What's going on? Oh, nothing.
So, do you want to come over to my house after school today? Can't.
Obviously a bald-faced lie.
Well, you know, I could really use your help studying for history.
I mean, that stuff's really tough, you know? And besides, "Mission: Impossible's" on at 4 thanks, but I got something I got to do.
Like what? Basketball tryouts.
What? I couldn't believe it.
I'd explained to him, argued with him, and the kid still wouldn't listen to reason.
See ya.
And that settled that.
If Paul insisted on being something he wasn't I had only one option left.
[ Whistle blows .]
Millman! Let's show a little hustle, huh?! Shake a leg! It was time to appeal to a higher power To use the term loosely.
Thompson! You want a tea party, go to Boston! [ Chuckles .]
Mr.
Cutlip? Arnold.
I was wondering if we could talk for a second.
See It's about Paul.
Paul Pfeiffer? Ah.
Pfeiffer.
He's not in any kind of trouble, is he? Drugs? Theft? Armed robbery? Uh Good.
Glad to hear it.
And So much for small talk.
It's just, I'm his best friend, and, uh He actually thinks you might put him on the team.
[ Snickers .]
Oh, he does, does he? Yeah.
And Frankly I think you might be leading him on.
That so? Well, yeah.
I mean, I've played tons of b-ball with him in my backyard, so, yeah, I should know.
I beat him every time.
You know? 'Course, in some way, I knew I was betraying my best friend, but facts were facts.
This isn't your backyard, son.
Huh? Pfeiffer look at him.
So I looked at Paul.
He still looked like the guy I'd beaten 790 times in a row.
The only thing is He didn't play like him.
Yeah! [ Clapping .]
Looking sharp there, Pfeiffer! It was astonishing.
This was the man who'd launched a million air balls in my backyard? I felt like I was watching a total stranger, some kid I'd never even met.
Yeah! So, I did the only thing I could think of.
Attaboy, Paul! Way to go! And there you had it.
One word from me, and, suddenly, Paul was Paul again.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
Air ball! Ugh! Come on, Pfeiffer! You're playing like a girl! [ Whistle blows .]
Pankus! Get in there for Pfeiffer! All right, let's hustle it up, now! Hill! After that, there didn't seem to be much reason to stick around any longer.
I mean, hey Martinson, the game is basketball! Look it up in a dictionary, will you? Come on! Didn't want to embarrass the guy or anything.
I tried to study for my American history test that evening, but somehow, I just couldn't concentrate.
Maybe there was a reason.
Butthead at 3:00.
Launch missile.
Wayne, knock it off, will you?! I'm trying to study! Wayne! What's the matter, little brother? You seem Troubled.
You want to talk about it? No.
I understand.
Some things Just too deep for words.
And even though I knew I should let the matter drop What do you mean by that? You think I'm made out of stone? Hey, I live around here.
I see things.
It's Paul, isn't it? I mean, you carry the guy on your back for 14 years, and now he doesn't need you anymore.
Ungrateful twerp.
But, uh, don't don't let it get to you.
I mean, the guy's always been a loser, right? It was Horrible.
In one fell swoop, my neanderthal brother had looked into my innermost feelings, and it wasn't a pretty sight.
He's not a loser, Wayne.
Sure he is.
You know it, and I know it.
If he walks like a duck If he talks like a duck Then it must be the Pfeiffster.
[ Chuckles .]
But, suddenly, I knew it wasn't true not anymore.
And at that moment, I knew what I had to do.
[ Thunder rumbling .]
Ugh! Wayne! Think about it! [ Grunting .]
[ Crickets chirping .]
When you're 14, bruises heal quickly some of them, anyway.
But that night, I felt a kind of hurt I knew wasn't gonna just disappear Not by itself.
I want a game.
- What? - You heard me.
I want a game.
Why? So I can beat you one more time? Who says you're gonna beat me? Paul, I beat you every time.
Yeah.
Well, maybe not this time.
[ Sighs .]
Forget it.
I don't really feel like letting you win.
I want a game.
[ Sighs .]
Paul, come on.
I've been creaming you for the past 14 years! What makes you think it's ever gonna be any different? Because! Because what? Because things change, Kev.
I've changed.
[ Sighs .]
Not to me.
I know.
[ Dog barking in distance .]
Prove it.
Loser's out.
That night, Paul Pfeiffer and I played the most important game of our lives.
Ah! Ugh.
We both played hard, and we both played to win.
And no game ever mattered more To both of us.
Maybe change is never easy.
You fight to hold on.
You fight to let go.
But that night, after 790 consecutive losses Paul finally beat me.
[ Crowd cheering .]
Paul made the basketball team that year.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
And he had some loyal fans.
But his biggest fan Come on, Paul! Was also his best friend.
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Whistle blowing .]
[ Crowd cheering .]
I guess sometimes you have to grow apart To keep growing together.