Wilfred s04e08 Episode Script

It's horrible, Ryan.
Wilfred can't even walk up or down stairs.
I have to carry him in and out any time he has to go to the bathroom.
He has a checkup today.
I feel like everyone at the vet is judging me.
Jenna, it was an accident.
Everybody knows how much you love Wilfred.
Ho, ho, shit, three-legged dog is in the house! Look how sad he is.
He's been sulking like that for weeks.
It just kills me to see him like this.
Hey, why don't I take him for a walk? Maybe that'll cheer him up.
And, if you want, I can take him to the checkup, too.
You don't have to do that.
- It's not a problem.
- Really? Thanks, Ryan.
Yeah.
Ryan and Big Stump going to the vet together! I'm telling you, Ryan, being a three-legged dog is the shit.
Good for you.
Why aren't you happier for me? Oh, I feel bad for Jenna.
She's never gonna forgive herself for what happened to you.
And it's not like I can tell her that being a three-legged dog is the shit.
Well, what are you gonna do, then? What can I do? Think she's gonna have to get through this herself.
Just gonna keep my distance.
Uh, Ryan.
Uh, aren't you forgetting something? Sounds to me like you're afraid.
Afraid of what? Ryan, if you care about Jenna Just drop it, okay? It's not happening.
Fine.
Be a pussy.
Keep your true feelings to yourself.
You're acting like it's my fault.
She kissed me and pushed me away.
Wilfred, I can't keep doing this.
Stop being so dramatic.
I only weigh 38 pounds.
Oh, did I say something funny, Bear? Yeah, I'm not the one sucking in my cheeks every time I look in the mirror.
That's not the face the rest of the world sees, Bear.
You're a very heavyset individual.
Uh, you're gonna have to learn to navigate the stairs by yourself.
Uh, I don't think so.
That's what being a three-legged dog is all about.
Being waited upon.
What about Jenna? If you weren't so helpless, maybe she wouldn't feel so guilty.
Imagine the big smile on her face when she can see that you can climb the stairs all by yourself.
Wait a minute.
This isn't about Jenna's smile.
This is about you not being able to carry 38 pounds.
You weigh a lot more than 38 pounds.
How dare you! Maybe you're the one who's afraid.
I'm not afraid of anything.
Well, then, prove it.
Climb up the stairs.
Fine.
I shall.
What are you waiting for? I'm-I'm just thinking of, uh, you know, the list of stuff I've got to do today, and just Come on, do it for Jenna.
Ryan.
Ryan, put me down! Put me down! Screw Jenna.
I don't I don't care about her.
Get me down, Ryan! Get me down! Oh.
Okay, now pick me up.
It's time to go to the vet.
Wilfred seems to be in good spirits.
Yeah, other than climbing up stairs, he's adjusting really well.
Give him time.
He'll get there.
The good news is, his wound has healed nicely.
Oh.
That's great.
There is one other thing, though.
I saw something unusual on Wilfred's X ray.
It appears that Wilfred has a mass.
It's probably nothing most of these things are but I'd like to run some tests to be sure.
- Of course.
- So, I'll be back to take a tissue sample, and we'll have the results in a couple of days.
Should we be worried? I wouldn't be.
It's very rare for a dog to have lung cancer.
- Wilfred, calm down.
- Calm down? I'm dying of lung cancer.
And it's all your fault! You blowing all that secondhand smoke in my face.
Let's not overreact.
The vet said it was probably nothing.
And, for the record, you've inhaled plenty of firsthand smoke, too.
Oh.
- It's Jenna.
- Oh, my God.
Uh hey.
Um, the-the checkup? Uh, uh, it went it went great.
Great? I have a lump in my lung.
Yeah, yeah, there was no charge for the follow-up.
Yeah, the-the vet said that his wound healed up perfectly, and-and he's as good as new.
Tell her! She needs to know my lung may have breast cancer.
Yeah, yeah.
See you later.
What the hell was that? She was already upset about your arm.
- Why give her something more to worry about? - Yeah.
Why give her a reason to turn to you for comfort? That's "sca-wy.
" That has nothing to do with it.
Why would I tell her you have lung cancer when we don't even know if you do? Oh, fine.
But there is someone who needs to know the truth.
Bear doesn't deal well with bad news.
- I really think you should tell Bear.
- I can't.
Bear will never believe it coming from me.
I used the terminal cancer excuse last year to get out of spending the high holidays with Bear's family.
That reminds me.
Don't call me Wilfred in front of Bear.
I'm his emotionally available twin brother, Todd.
Wilfred died of leukemia just before Yom Kippur.
Fine.
Bear, there's something I need to tell you.
We went to the vet earlier today, and it looks like Wilfred Bup, bup.
Sorry.
Todd has a tumor.
But the vet said it was probably nothing, so there's not really anything to worry about.
Ryan's being kind.
I'm going to die.
Probably tomorrow.
Maybe even later today.
Either way, I'm not going to be able to make it to your high school reunion this weekend.
Oh, Bear, no.
Don't.
What did I tell you? Well, don't just stand there.
Comfort Bear.
Wilfred Ryan.
There, there, Bear.
There, there.
What are you doing? Writing my bucket list.
- Wilfred - I know what you're gonna say.
But if I don't get a jump on these things, and it turns out I do have cancer, I'll never have time to get them all done.
As it is, it's unlikely.
Some of these things could take years to complete.
Like what? Oh, like finally catching my tail.
How am I going to build a teleoperated android of myself so lifelike, it fools my tail into following it, and a plutonium-powered, motion-activated guillotine that's small enough to install in the android's hind quarters, but large enough to terminate the tail when it's within striking range? Holy shit! Ryan, do you realize what you've just done? You saved me trillions of dollars in research and development.
Also, you've given me an idea.
With your help, I may be able to accomplish everything on the list after all.
- Wilfred, we have plenty of time.
- Ryan, please.
Will you help me or not? Okay.
If it'll make you feel better.
Hey.
Come on, we're almost done.
You said you'd help me finish my list.
Yeah, but grave-robbing is a crime.
Dennis and I had an agreement before he died of alcohol poisoning.
I can have his bones as long as I promise not to use them as a Flintstones-style xylophone.
I know.
Like I'm not gonna do that.
He shouldn't have put that idea in my head.
Hey, Ryan.
Jenna, hi.
Uh, what-what are you doing home so early? Uh, some idiot called a bomb threat into the station, so they sent us all home.
Bomb threat? Yeah, that was me.
I e-mailed it in.
A bomb threat was on my bucket list.
- So, what are you up to? - Oh, uh, we're just going for a long walk.
You think Wilfred can handle that? A fake walk? Yeah, I think I can handle that.
Oh, yeah, he'll-he'll be fine.
Sounds like fun.
Can I join you? Uh yeah, sure.
Um, how's she gonna come on a fake walk? Do you think Wilfred's okay? Maybe he could use a rest.
Just give me a chance to cool off.
Oh, great.
Now I need a sweater.
How have you been? I mean you know, with your dad.
I miss him, but it's getting easier.
How-how are you holding up? Better.
Although my mom is not handling things so well.
She just loves Drew, and she's blaming me for everything.
- Sorry.
- Me, too.
I had to set some boundaries, which I think was the right thing to do.
- Actually, I have you to thank for that.
- Me? The, the way you stood your ground with your dad, it inspired me.
I'm glad all those years of trauma are good for something.
I swear, my back is gonna give out one of these days.
Actually, I think Wilfred can do it on his own.
We've been practicing at my house.
- He's been making progress.
- Really? Come on, Wilfred, let's show Jenna.
Oh, no, thanks, I'm cool.
If you don't mind.
Come on.
Fine, fine! But only for Jenna.
There you go.
Look how easy Wow! That was.
Oh, yeah.
That wasn't so bad.
- That's it.
You're doing it! - I am, aren't I? Okay, now do the last one on your own.
R-Ryan! No! Help! I'm gonna die! I'm dying! Okay, I think that's enough for today.
- Wilfred looks tired.
- Yeah, but he looks happy.
Thanks for today.
I had a great time, too.
You know, I'm-I'm pretty tired.
Uh, yeah, me, too.
I'll clean up.
A-And listen, I know this may sound weird, but I feel like Wilfred's getting used to having three legs.
- I mean - "Tumor Biopsy"? Jenna.
- What's going on? - No, it's not as bad as it sounds.
The vet said it's probably nothing.
The biopsy is just a precaution.
Oh, my God.
Why would you keep something this important from me? Well, you-you were so upset about his arm I-I mean, leg.
Oh, so now you make the decisions about what I can handle?! - It's not like that.
- Okay, you know what? I don't want to hear it! I have to call the vet.
Wilfred? Come on, Wilfred, let's go.
Ryan? Ryan! Jenna's still asleep.
We've got to move fast if we want to finish this bucket list.
I can't.
Jenna's already so mad at me.
If she catches me with you, she'll never forgive me.
Ryan, please! There's only one thing left.
Hey there, little fella.
I'm Wilfred.
And this is my friend, Bear.
Bear, don't be shy, please.
Bear's been an important part of my life for a long time.
But I think I-I'm going away now.
So I'm looking for someone s-special to look after Bear for me.
Do you think you could do that for me? You you will? Well, that's great.
Well this is it for us, Bear.
Bear Bear Bear, come on.
Don't Don't make this any harder than it already is.
Oh, God.
Yeah, I-I know you do.
Me, too.
Come on, don't make me say it.
All right.
I love you, too.
Come on, now.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
I've never seen that side of you, Wilfred.
That was beautiful.
That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just hope Bear understands and doesn't spend too many years hating me.
Oh, I don't think you need to worry about that.
Well, I'd better get back before Jenna wakes up.
How is she? Not good.
This tumor news has hit her pretty hard.
I wish I could do something.
I think I'm the last person that she wants to see right now.
Do you really think she doesn't want to see you, or are you just looking for an excuse not to talk to her? - I talk to her all the time.
- No, really talk to her.
Let her into your life.
Hey, I let her in plenty of times.
- She's always the one to push me away.
- Is she? Or do you just never fully commit because you're afraid of being rejected? It's a risk, Ryan but how many wonderful things in life are you gonna miss out on because you're afraid? Afraid?! You won't even try climbing a flight of stairs.
Typical Wilfred "Do as I say, not as I do.
" Well, I'm tired of doing what you say.
Because you say a lot of things you don't know shit about.
Don't start preaching to me about courage.
Ryan.
Your turn.
I can't.
Come back here.
I'm not through talking about this.
Fine.
I'll come after you.
Ryan, come here! Hey.
Uh, I needed to talk to you, and the-the door was open.
It's okay.
Uh look, I-I'm really sorry Wilfred's dying.
What? Dr.
Bangachon called.
He has stage 4 cancer.
He he only has days to live.
There's something I need to tell you.
I know.
We were both fragile and caught up in the emotion.
Uh, no.
I love you.
I always have.
And if you don't feel the same that's okay.
I do feel the same.
And I know I've hurt you in the past, but that's not gonna happen this time.
I know what I want now.
Do you think Wilfred knows he's gonna die? Wilfred? Wilfred? Down here, mate.
Uh, when did you start hanging out under here? A couple weeks ago.
It's dark and quiet.
I do my best thinking here.
Listen, there's something I need to tell you.
I don't know how to say this.
You and Jenna had sex.
Yeah, I know.
I can smell her all over you.
Are you okay with that? Just tell me one thing.
Did it happen before or after you found out I was dying? So you know.
I was pretty sure.
Just had a feeling.
Wilfred, I'm so sorry.
Just answer my question.
Before or after? Well after.
But it-it's not how it sounds.
We were just so upset about you.
And we It-it just happened.
Please don't be mad.
"Mad"? I'm not mad, Ryan.
I-I don't, I don't understand.
I've brought you and Jenna together.
I led you to happiness.
Don't you see? This proves it.
Now we know for sure.
I am a god.