Atlanta (2016) s04e09 Episode Script

1
Got-dang! Whoo!
Yeah, all right.
Okay.
My favorite.
That's real nice.
You find everything
okay today, big fella?
Actually, man, no.
Uh, do y'all sell, uh,
cast-iron skillets here?
Well, if you don't see any on the shelf,
then we don't have 'em in stock.
But I'll check, just to be sure.
All right.
Uh, do y'all sell, uh,
animal repellant here?
Did you see it on the shelf?
Nope.
No, we don't have any s
Nope, we don't have
any skillets in stock,
but, um, I can order one in for you.
Be here in a couple weeks.
No, man, that's It's all good, man.
I'll just get it somewhere else.
I appreciate it, though.
You're just gonna order
it on Amazon, aren't you?
No, man. No.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Hey, guys. It's your boy,
"These Backhoes Ain't Loyal."
Thanks for coming out
to my channel today.
If you want to see more
backhoe tractor content,
make sure you hit that
"subscribe" button.
Ah, shit.
You can even give
this video a thumbs-up.
So, what we're gonna do
today is we're gonna get
down and dirty
and we're gonna change
the oil in this tractor.
But before I get under this hoe
we're gonna make sure
- that all the wheels are secure.
- God
But I've done told you,
these backhoes ain't loyal.
They'll roll over you in a second.
I'm serious, dudes.
I lost two uncles this way.
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
Shit.
Shit.
Oh, shit!
She don't like my white bitch ♪
Say I act too light-skinned ♪
Dolla, don't be trifling,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
I'm dirty in the streets,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
In bed she a freak ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Kiss my feet, take this meat ♪
Hello?
Hey!
Whatever's in there, you
better squawk or chirp
or sing a fucking song
with your little furry
friends or something.
Boo, motherfuck
Oh, goddamn, man.
Get
Oh, goddamn!
Shit!
Hmm.
Oh, God.
Go.
- Go back just one.
- Go back one?
Yeah.
Oh, boy, this is bad.
You got feral hogs.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
So, what I need, hog
repellant or something?
No, not as simple as
that. Here, give me that.
Let's see.
Yeah. Shit, you can thank
the explorer Hernando de Soto
for this bullshit.
Were the turds wet or dry?
I do not know.
Well, did they crumble in your hand?
Can you just tell me how to get rid
of these damn things, please, man?
I don't want to stand here all day
talking to you about dookie and shit.
All right, well, uh,
clearly, they're coming after
whatever it is you're growing.
Now, I-I can't make
it out from that photo,
so what kind of crops are these?
Corn.
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah, man, lots of lots of corn.
Oh, they love that stuff.
They love that stuff.
Um okay.
Here's what I'd do if I were you.
You take a bunch of that corn, right?
Set it out in an open area.
Now, soon as that dirty hog shows up
and starts chowing down on it,
you line up your shot, take it out.
- Okay.
- All right.
Now, if he starts to
run, you aim for the nose
and you don't stop firing
till that fucker goes down.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, then you move in close.
- Head shot.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Right.
Uh, can I just poison
it or something, man?
I don't think you understand.
This is serious.
Now, these things,
they ain't no bedtime
story animals, you know?
I mean, they don't deserve no sympathy.
They are aggressive, they are invasive,
and they will not stop
until they destroy everything you have.
You got to kill them
before they kill you.
What?
Before they kill me? Okay.
The hogs?
A pack of hogs killed a woman
in Texas about a year ago.
Just outside of Houston.
Chewed her ass up.
Okay.
All right, but this isn't funny.
No, man, yeah, it is,
man. Bedtime story animal.
All right, guys, now that we got
all that old, dirty oil out of there,
I'm gonna show you what some fresh, new,
healthy oil looks like here.
And this is where it goes.
Now, check back next week,
and I'm gonna show you how
to replace a carburetor.
Thank you, guys, for stopping by.
Make sure you hit that
"subscribe" button.
Okay, baby.
Let's do this, mama. Let's go. Come on.
Come on, baby, come on.
Oh, shit.
All right, let's see.
All right.
Oh, fuck!
Come on, man. Come on, man.
God!
All right, man. All right.
All right.
All right, man, all right.
All right.
All right, man, come on.
How big is this motherfuck
Fuck!
Fuck!
Okay.
All right, baby.
Yep.
Yeah.
Because-a in-a me eyes
there is red like blood ♪
And I been moving
around like a human flood ♪
Smoke outta me mouth
and outta me nose ♪
I'm gonna avenge you.
I promise.
Gonna roast this motherfucker.
Dinner's served, motherfucker.
Come and get it.
Under me sleng teng, me under me ♪
Because it's way in
my brain, no cocaine ♪
I don't wanna, I
don't wanna go insane ♪
Way in my brain, no cocaine ♪
I don't wanna, I
don't wanna go insane ♪
Oh, no ♪
It's way in my brain ♪
It's way in my brain ♪
It's way in my brain ♪
I said me smoke it and me
pass it through the window ♪
And me give it to my
next-door neighbor ♪
If the chicks don't feed
within 36 hours, they'll starve.
Incredibly, it survives.
But it's stunned.
Oh, shit!
Oh, come on, mama. Let's do it.
Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
Whoo!
Yeah, mother
That's what I'm talking about!
All right. All right, all right,
all right, all right, okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay. Push down.
Okay. All right, o-okay.
Come on, baby. Oh
Yeah, man.
Whoo!
Oh, we outside!
Oh!
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
All right.
Shit.
Goddamn.
Oh, shit!
Oh, sh
Ah, shit!
Oh, fu
Oh, shit!
Fu
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
God.
Oh, thank God.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Oh, come on, bitch, I know you see me.
Hey, hey, hey!
Shit!
Help me!
If you got the strength I do ♪
Then sign me up ♪
If I'm not too much for you ♪
Then sign me up ♪
- Help!
- Sign me up ♪
- I'm a little bit unraveled ♪
- Hey!
Hey!
Hey, fuck! Help!
Hey, help me!
Hey, shit! Help!
Help. Help me, plea
Help.
Fucking help.
Oh, bitch, fucking please.
Oh, shit!
Fuck! What the fuck?
Fuck off!
Get the fuck off me!
Fucking
Shit!
Motherfucker, die! Motherfucker, die!
Let go!
Fucking die!
Get the fuck off me.
Get the fuck off me.
- Yo.
- Hey, hey.
What's up, man?
Chillin', man. Chillin'.
Yeah, I hope so. I hope so.
- What's up? You need something?
- It's in my email, okay?
Yeah, um, the lawyer sent over
that contract. It looks okay.
I still have some questions
about the dates, though.
Oh.
We'll get it sorted. Don't worry.
How is it out there? Is it boring?
Yeah. Yeah.
You-you sound tired, man.
Nah, man. Nah, man.
I'm straight. I'm good. I'm straight.
Just send it to me. Send it to my email,
and my assistant will
worry about it, okay?
Thank you so much.
Hey, look, can I call
you back tomorrow, bruh?
Uh, yeah, yeah. You good?
Mm-hmm.
All right, man. I-I'll
talk to you tomorrow.
- All right. Peace.
- Peace.
Yo.
What's up?
What's up, man?
Are you eating bacon
and drinking whiskey?
Hibiki, bro.
Cheers, nigga.
Breakfast of champions.
Yo, man, it's the farm life.
Yeah, what was going on yesterday?
What were you doing?
What happened to your face?
I don't know, man, it's just
Hey, I was out there with that tractor.
I got that up and running, right?
And, um, just did some shooting.
You know. This-this ain't nothing.
Look, man, I know this is
your safe farm and all that,
but you got to be
careful out there, okay?
Farms are dangerous as fuck.
Okay, and you're over
there by yourself, too, man.
If something happens to you,
you fall on a rake headfirst,
no one's gonna know it for like weeks.
Message received, bruh.
You know, the whole point of
this farm is to have options.
If you don't like it, you
don't have to keep it, you know.
You can go back to the city.
At-Atlanta's not going
anywhere, you know.
It's all good, man.
It's pretty much slow
motion around here.
Yeah. Ain't got to worry about me.
Only thing I need to worry
about is this damn neck, man.
Every time I move it, it feels like
I'm on pins and needles and shit.
Were you outside for
a long time yesterday?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think y-you're sunburnt.
No, no.
Yes.
You ever been sunburned before?
Nigga, look at me. Do I look like
Hell no, I ain't been sunburned.
Black people can't get sunburned.
What you talking about?
Yes, yes, they can.
White people can get ashy.
Black people can get
sunburned. It's-it's a fact.
So, you telling me Wesley
Snipes can get sunburned?
Yes, Wesley Snipes can get sunburned.
Okay, all right, what about what's
uh, what's-his-name
uh, "Kiss from a Rose"?
He can get sunburned, too?
Yes. Yes, Seal can get
Dark niggas can get sunburned, bruh.
I don't know, man. All right, hold up.
What about Captain Phillips? Come on.
I'm gonna assume you mean
- the Somalian pirate
- Yeah.
- Not Tom Hanks.
- Yeah. Yeah.
And it doesn't matter, 'cause
they can both get sunburned.
Nigga, I would Who-who's
going to be a pirate on the sea
under the sun the whole day
if they can get sunburned?
I know this shit ain't true,
man. It's just not true.