Fargo (2014) s04e09 Episode Script
East/West
1
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♪
♪
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
(MUFFLED THUMPING)
(THUMPING CONTINUES)
(GROANS) Six fucking hours!
I had to piss in my shoe.
(PANTS) Where are we?
Pluto.
So tell me again.
He came to see you.
He needed guns.
They're gonna kill all of youse.
You know that, right?
Calamita. Tell me again,
or I'll tie you to the
bumper and you can run.
J-Jesus.
He-he came looking for some hardware
Uh, rifles, pistols
Said he was hitting the road,
he had to kill some people i-in Kansas.
Kansas is a state.
Like I said, Liberty or-or Liberal.
Who has he got to kill?
I don't know. A Swede? An Irishman?
Now, shit, boy,
can I get out of the damn trunk?
Don't No! God!
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
You ever meet you a Korean?
Say again?
I ain't never met me no Korean.
But Truman says I ought to
send my junior over there
to shoot some.
Met a lady from Thailand once.
I'm not sure what you'd call her.
Radio said blue skies, but
my hips are screaming rain.
You seen an Italian
fella come through here?
Real skeletal-looking.
Wears a red coat?
Mostly we get farmers round this way,
folks on their way to
Salvation Methodist
or Consecrated Lutheran.
Em and Henry give ten
percent off all soda pop
if you pay with a Bible quote.
This'd be yesterday, maybe this morning.
- (THUMPING FROM TRUNK)
- Can't be that far ahead of me.
(MUFFLED): Hey, hey. Hey.
What are we stopping for? Let's go.
Hey.
- (THUMPING)
- Hey!
Son
ain't my business,
but are you at all concerned
about that ruckus in your trunk?
- (THUMPING)
- Let's go.
- Nope.
- Hey.
Don't leave me in here.
Well, we the only filling
station for a good hop,
so if that fella's coming this way,
we gonna see him by and by.
Mind if I pull around back and wait?
Well, Em and Henry are at church.
Like I said, they real religious.
Don't usually see
'em till evenings on Sundays.
Still, ain't supposed
to dawdle with strangers.
(WILLY SPITS)
(THUMPING FROM TRUNK)
I could help you get
these walls painted.
(THUMPING CONTINUES)
If by "help," you mean buy me a Nehi
and pull me up a chair while you work,
then you're on.
- (THUMPING)
- ALDO: Hey. Where'd you go?
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
- (GROANING)
- (CAR RUMBLING)
(GRUNTS)
- (PANTING)
- (ENGINE TURNS OFF)
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Come on.
We got work to do.
W-What kind of work?
Gonna paint this building.
Will that family circle here ♪
Be unbroken over there ♪
Will that circle be unbroken ♪
In the sky, in the sky ♪
Will that family circle here ♪
Be unbroken over there ♪
Will that circle
be unbroken by and by ♪
By and by ♪
Well, I have a mother and a father ♪
Sister and a brother, too ♪
Well, I have friends
and other relations ♪
With whom I used to know ♪
Well, they're sitting
down in the kingdom ♪
They're a-waitin' there for me ♪
Now, when they call
the family reunion ♪
- I'll be there ♪
- I'll be there ♪
Yes, I'll be there ♪
Ooh, I'll be there ♪
When they call the family reunion ♪
I'll be there, I'll be there ♪
- Will the circle ♪
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
Circle be unbroken ♪
Now, will the circle ♪
Be unbroken by and by ♪
By and by ♪
Go right ahead, Your Majesty.
(DROPS COIN IN SLOT)
You boys really think
you can run things?
White man called my daddy "boy" once.
He ended up with wooden teeth,
just like George Washington.
Yeah, yeah.
Personally
I'm all for you coloreds breaking even.
I mean, why should
the bosses get all the fat
when we're the ones down in the mud
- scrounging for dimes?
- Oh.
So you're one of us now?
(CHUCKLES)
No, I'm not saying that.
Just
Say there's a turtle.
Turtle?
Mm, king turtle.
He rules over everything he sees.
Except he's a turtle, so he's real low
- to the ground.
- I'm gonna put you back in the trunk.
No, no.
Hear me out.
So, this king turtle,
he calls two of his guys
and he tells them to climb
on top of each other,
you know, like a ladder.
And he climbs on their backs.
So now he can see further
but still just, like, 50 feet.
So he calls even more turtles.
And one by one,
they get on top of each other.
And up he goes.
Till all the turtles are in a pile.
And old king turtle
Oh, he can see for miles.
Except
the guys on the bottom
are getting crushed.
- (VEHICLE APPROACHING)
- And I'm saying
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
JOSEPH MCCARTHY (OVER RADIO):
Today we are engaged
in the final, all-out battle
between communistic atheism
and democratic Christianity.
-
- The modern champions of communism
-
- have selected this as the time.
And, folks, the chips are down.
They are truly down.
"When a great democracy is destroyed,
"it will not be from
enemies from without,
but rather because of
enemies from within."
I have here in my hands
a list of 205 names
that were made known to the Secretary
(RADIO CLICKS OFF)
How much farther?
Hours, not days.
SATCHEL: What is it?
Someplace to kip.
Couple of nights.
Get our heads on straight.
(WIND WHISTLING)
What's that smell?
Fresh air.
SATCHEL: What does it say?
Sleep with one eye open.
Huh?
(COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
MILLIGAN: We'll be needing
a room for a night or two.
Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
What?
Things work a specific way around here,
so I got to figure out where to put you.
Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
MILLIGAN: Well,
that's in California, yeah?
McCarthy or Eisenhower?
Oh, we don't follow politics.
Eisenhower it is.
Uh, lastly
Old Testament or New?
Which is the one where
you get to be born again?
That'd be the New.
West side it is.
Any bags?
No.
- He your valet?
- We take care of each other.
Hmm.
The sisters don't much
care for colored folk.
- "Sisters" as in nuns?
- No. As in sisters.
Picola and Iola Crumb. They the owners.
And like I said,
they don't care much for coloreds.
I understand. Come on, kid.
- We'll find someplace else.
- Now, hold on.
Didn't say they had a rule.
Just said they don't care for us.
Steer clear of them,
you'll be right as rain.
Come on. I'll give you the tour.
This is the sitting room,
for board games and conversating.
(QUIETLY): Mm-hmm.
What's with the line everyplace?
Well, now, the sisters,
they ain't got along
since the Dust Bowl days.
But neither will renounce
their claim to the premises,
so I ask y'all questions,
and given your answers,
you either go west or east.
Why east or west?
Why any one thing or the other?
Just is the way it is.
(MAN COUGHING)
INA: This is you and the boy.
(COUGHING)
MILLIGAN: Hey.
Bathroom's down the hall.
Towels in the armoire.
You need anything else,
we probably ain't got it,
- but it don't hurt to ask.
- (COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
- SATCHEL: I'm hungry.
- Well, they put supper on the table
at 5:00 each night.
Fish sticks, maybe even some potatoes.
Green beans from a can.
It ain't much, but it's better
than boiling your shoes.
(COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
I call this one.
I saw some books in the den.
You can read up here till I get back.
(MATCH STRIKES)
Where are you going?
If we're gonna hide and stay hidden,
we need money.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
It so happens I laid some away in town.
I've got to retrieve it, alone.
But-but there's
a hospital man next door,
all bandaged up.
A man's a man.
If you can't run,
just do like we practiced.
Thigh, stomach, chest.
- Can't I ride with you?
- No. Remember,
if I don't come back,
I'm dead or in jail.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- (ENGINE STARTS)
Shit.
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
You can see in here,
this is frost-resistant,
so you don't get it on your food.
Let me tell you a
little about Kenmore
I'll be with you in a moment, pal.
Now, Kenmore is all about
freedom from your cooking cares.
- I'll have to ask my husband.
- Oh, all right.
- You want to take a catalog, ma'am?
- No.
All right. Have a good day.
(SIGHS)
Happy New Year, uh, in anticipation.
What happened to the feed store?
Well, now, old Miss Gingerly,
you know, her three boys
all passed in the Great War,
so, desolate with grief,
she, uh, turned over
operations to her brother Virgil,
and he promptly gambled
away the family fortune.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
There, uh, used to be a wall here.
Well, yeah
Yes, sir, yeah, yeah, there did.
Can I interest you in a dinette set?
Maybe a "Dee-van" for
your boudoir? (CHUCKLES)
You the new owner?
Yes, sir. Beachwood Indiana.
Me and my brother Haskell, the younger,
we, uh, bought the place at auction.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, now (CHUCKLES)
Just when we was starting to hit it off.
Uh, back in a jiff.
(SOFT THUD)
(IN DISTANCE): T. Woodman Catalog Store.
Yes, uh, yeah, yeah.
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
All right.
You, too.
(HANGS UP PHONE)
All righty, then
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE)
(SCRATCHING)
(SCRATCHING CONTINUES)
(HINGE SQUEAKS)
- (BARKS)
- (GASPS)
(WHINES)
(DOG PANTING)
(WHINING)
(WHISPERING): Hey,
come on. Come on, girl.
(WHINING)
Good girl.
Rabbit? Is that your name?
(BARKS)
(RABBIT SCRATCHING DOOR)
- (BARKING)
- Wait. Wait up.
Come on, girl.
- (BARKS)
- (WOMAN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE)
- Hey. Come on, girl.
- (BARKS)
Wait. Wait.
Well, now we got a secret, you and me.
How's that?
The sisters can't
abide spirits of any kind.
Alcohol, I'm saying.
I know what spirits are.
East or west?
Huh? Oh.
West?
You best step to this side
of the line, then,
in case they're watching.
Hunk Swindell's the name.
Aluminum siding's the game. (CHUCKLES)
That your canine?
I found her upstairs.
Hm.
Ask me a question.
- What?
- Dale Carnegie.
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
"Six Ways to Make People Like You."
Number one: become
genuinely interested in other people.
So ask me a question.
Um you got any food?
(LAUGHS)
Make 'em laugh.
Yeah, that's rule number nine.
Hard to dislike a man
what's got a funny bone.
Me, I got two. Plus the gift of gab,
ever since I was a boy.
But it wasn't till I found Mr. Carnegie
that I really learned to
channel my thoughts into
a strategy for success.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Who's this now?
Ain't got a name, I don't think.
I'm just calling him "boy."
You ain't from Texas, by chance?
No, sir.
Oil fields as far as the eye
can see, I heard.
Instant millions.
All you got to do is get off the train.
- That's where I'm headed.
- HUNK: Yeah.
My new friend's got a
bit of gold rush fever.
(SCOFFS) Better than knocking on doors
with nothing but a
briefcase and a smile.
HUNK: Ain't nothing in this world
impossible if'n a man's
got the right attitude.
(LAUGHS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Said stay in the room.
SATCHEL: But the dog got out.
Whose dog?
Mine.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
MILLIGAN: We've had a setback.
Things ain't the way I left 'em.
Which Only a fool thinks
the world's gonna
stay exactly as it was.
So there's that.
But I worked the problem, and I think
I got a solve.
I think she likes me.
I'm glad you're having such a nice day,
but I don't want you wandering
the place while I'm gone.
Last thing we need
is unwanted attention.
(BELL CLANGING)
INA: Come and get it while it's hot.
- Wait. That
- (BARKS)
Hey.
(BARKS, GROWLS)
Stay.
(BELL CONTINUES CLANGING)
(GROWLS SOFTLY)
HUNK: My name's Hunk Swindell.
This is Hickory J. Milch.
And you're
- Uh, Pastor Roanoke.
- Pastor Roanoke.
Very good, and, uh, this is
No coloreds at the table.
What?
I said, no coloreds at the table.
(LAUGHS) My side, my rules.
- Sit down, sweetie.
- What?
HUNK: Hey, glad you could join us.
We were just going around the room,
doing introductions.
Uh, you met myself and young Hickory.
Uh, on the east side,
there's Pastor Roanoke
- and his wife.
- Mother.
Mother.
And across from them,
uh, that's the Major,
hero of Wounded Knee, and his
Uh, Millie is my niece.
So now you know who we are.
Uh, the name's Duffy.
And this is my ward, Colt.
- What?
- Said he's an Irishman
and the Negro is his ward.
Say the blessing already.
Food's getting cold.
Almighty Father, we pray Thee,
sanctify this food that
it may strengthen us
to do and endure Thy Holy Will.
(CLEARS THROAT) Here's
a good one that can't fail.
Lord Jesus, hear our prayers
and bless us with Thy bounty
in this life and the next,
for where there is risk,
there is always reward.
Amen.
What kind of cockamamie
blessing is that?
HICKORY: Prayer for prosperity.
ROANOKE: Son,
that ain't how you talk to God.
It's how we conversate
with Him out West.
Heathens.
So, Duffy, what brings you
to this neck of the woods?
I heard there was some honest
work up at Sioux Falls.
Planning to make a fresh start of it.
MAJOR: Well, that's damn peculiar,
if you ask me.
White man traveling with a Negro child.
What?
Said he don't much
care for colored folk.
IOLA: Oh
What line of work you in, partner?
You ask a lot of questions.
Guilty as charged.
Dale Carnegie,
rule number one. (CHUCKLES)
But I'll lay off you.
- Mm-hmm?
- Tell me a story, Seymour.
Well, which one do you want, sugar plum?
Uh, let's see. Hansel and Gretel.
Or would you like
the legend of Goldilocks?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey, funny you mention that.
I was talking to a fella on the train,
must've been, um, winter last,
works in publishing.
Did you know that in
the original Goldilocks,
it was witches, not bears?
In any case, he tells me,
think about this poor girl,
no home of her own,
just wandering the woods.
This fella said that to his mind,
Goldilocks is the classic example
of an outsider in search of himself.
If you think about it,
the story's got no ending.
I mean, the bears They get justice
Chasing an intruder out of
their home, but for the girl?
Well, she's back out in the cold.
No family, no home.
Doesn't fit in anywhere.
♪
I thought I said leave
the dog in the room.
She'll get lonely and she'll bark,
and that's unwanted attention, right?
Right?
(RABBIT WHINING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
- The future is what?
- How's that?
What's it gonna say?
Wait till it's finished.
Then you'll see.
Well finish the damn thing already.
Moment I finish it, I'm out of a job.
Plus, what do you care?
It's just a sign.
It's the principle,
making people live with uncertainty.
It ain't right.
Send a letter to your congressman,
you're so irate.
ANNOUNCER (OVER RADIO):
And in Kansas City today,
the mayor is calling for
additional law enforcement
as the war between organized
crime syndicates heats up,
following yesterday's deadly shoot-out
at the Kelsey slaughterhouse.
(RADIO CLICKS OFF)
(RABBIT BARKS)
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
- Is this where your money is?
- Stay put.
Lock the doors and don't talk to nobody.
- And quiet the mutt.
- (RABBIT WHINES)
- You're being paranoid.
- You didn't see him.
Like a poison pack of cigarettes.
He asked about the wall.
Maybe he's just an enemy to change.
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm saying, maybe he liked
things the way they were.
(SIGHS) You know, I've half a mind
to drive over to the cemetery
and make Ma take back
when she said you was the smart one.
Well, if this fella comes back,
we'll show him.
Show me what?
Both of you in the office, now.
You found something that belongs to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
The money. Where is it?
What money?
(GRUNTS)
Not gonna ask again.
BEACHWOOD: I-It's in the safe.
What's left.
Open it.
M-Mister, what were we supposed to do?
A bag of money in the wall,
opening a store with mouths to feed.
You-you thank the Lord, is what you do.
A-And count every dime.
Not your money.
We bought the store as-is, mister.
Leaky pipes, bag of money,
what have you.
That's the American way.
There was five grand in here.
(RABBIT BARKS, WHINES)
(BARKS)
Boy, is this your car?
You got a hearing problem or something?
(BARKING)
What are you doing?
J-Jus Just waiting.
For what?
I got a wife.
I I ain't married yet.
Who's gonna feed the dogs?
Step out of the vehicle.
(RABBIT WHINING)
I didn't do anything.
Come on, do it now.
- I'm just waiting.
- I said out of the car.
(RABBIT WHINING)
- Now.
- (RABBIT BARKS)
Quiet.
Is there a problem, Officer?
(RABBIT WHINING)
- Is this your car?
- Yes, sir.
He with you?
Yes.
- And what's your relation to this kid?
- I'm his guardian.
Who talked you into that
cockeyed arrangement?
Well, now, I served
with his daddy in the war.
Jerries killed him on Armistice Day.
Can you believe that?
First man killed in peacetime.
Least I could do was
care for his offspring.
Well
you want my advice,
you gonna travel with a colored kid
in a town like this
just keep him out of sight.
Yes, sir.
Appreciate that. It's,
uh, all new to me.
I'm hungry.
Supper's in an hour.
Maybe they got something in the kitchen.
I could look.
I've changed my mind.
We're leaving tonight.
- After the meal.
- Can I bring Rabbit?
- No.
- Why not?
'Cause I said so.
Don't need another mouth to feed,
and she's always barking.
But I could teach her to be quiet.
I said no.
What's that about?
- I just wanted one thing.
- One thing?
Huh, what are you on about?
One thing for my birthday.
Your
What?
When the hell is your birthday?
Today.
Hey. You wouldn't happen to have
a cupcake or a candy bar or something?
For the kid.
It's his birthday, see,
and I didn't know, and
Mm-mmm, no,
the sisters don't believe in sugar.
But there's a filling station
eight or nine miles down the road.
Probably get him a cupcake
or candy bar or something there.
(SNIFFS)
Thanks.
If the kid comes looking for me
just tell him I'll be right back.
Hey! Hey!
What the heck does that even mean?
Got me.
Could be a statement
as to the underlying
unreliability of time.
Or a testimony
along the lines of "seize the day."
They don't pay me to write 'em,
just slap 'em up.
Which I did.
And now it's done.
And I find myself once
more at a crossroads,
unemployed.
So I
suppose for me,
the future I once feared has arrived,
as predicted by this very billboard.
(WIND WHISTLING)
(DOOR CREAKING, THUDDING)
(RATTLING NEARBY)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(BARREL CLANGS)
(GRUNTS)
(GUNSHOT)
(CLICKING)
MAN: I am Alpha
and Omega.
The first and the last.
And what thou seest,
write it in a book
and send it to the seven churches,
(COUGHS) which are in Asia.
(AIR HISSING)
I just woke up.
Come closer.
It smells like rain.
Ah, worry not.
For it is written: no more flood.
The fire next time.
(AIR HISSING)
I'm-I'm looking for my friend.
I fell asleep.
Come closer.
I I'm gonna wait in my room.
(MAN COUGHING)
♪
(BIRDS SQUAWKING OUTSIDE)
(RAPID SCRATCHING)
(LOW GROWLING)
(BARKS)
(GROWLS)
(BARKS)
(WHINING)
♪
♪
♪
♪
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
(MUFFLED THUMPING)
(THUMPING CONTINUES)
(GROANS) Six fucking hours!
I had to piss in my shoe.
(PANTS) Where are we?
Pluto.
So tell me again.
He came to see you.
He needed guns.
They're gonna kill all of youse.
You know that, right?
Calamita. Tell me again,
or I'll tie you to the
bumper and you can run.
J-Jesus.
He-he came looking for some hardware
Uh, rifles, pistols
Said he was hitting the road,
he had to kill some people i-in Kansas.
Kansas is a state.
Like I said, Liberty or-or Liberal.
Who has he got to kill?
I don't know. A Swede? An Irishman?
Now, shit, boy,
can I get out of the damn trunk?
Don't No! God!
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
You ever meet you a Korean?
Say again?
I ain't never met me no Korean.
But Truman says I ought to
send my junior over there
to shoot some.
Met a lady from Thailand once.
I'm not sure what you'd call her.
Radio said blue skies, but
my hips are screaming rain.
You seen an Italian
fella come through here?
Real skeletal-looking.
Wears a red coat?
Mostly we get farmers round this way,
folks on their way to
Salvation Methodist
or Consecrated Lutheran.
Em and Henry give ten
percent off all soda pop
if you pay with a Bible quote.
This'd be yesterday, maybe this morning.
- (THUMPING FROM TRUNK)
- Can't be that far ahead of me.
(MUFFLED): Hey, hey. Hey.
What are we stopping for? Let's go.
Hey.
- (THUMPING)
- Hey!
Son
ain't my business,
but are you at all concerned
about that ruckus in your trunk?
- (THUMPING)
- Let's go.
- Nope.
- Hey.
Don't leave me in here.
Well, we the only filling
station for a good hop,
so if that fella's coming this way,
we gonna see him by and by.
Mind if I pull around back and wait?
Well, Em and Henry are at church.
Like I said, they real religious.
Don't usually see
'em till evenings on Sundays.
Still, ain't supposed
to dawdle with strangers.
(WILLY SPITS)
(THUMPING FROM TRUNK)
I could help you get
these walls painted.
(THUMPING CONTINUES)
If by "help," you mean buy me a Nehi
and pull me up a chair while you work,
then you're on.
- (THUMPING)
- ALDO: Hey. Where'd you go?
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
- (GROANING)
- (CAR RUMBLING)
(GRUNTS)
- (PANTING)
- (ENGINE TURNS OFF)
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
Come on.
We got work to do.
W-What kind of work?
Gonna paint this building.
Will that family circle here ♪
Be unbroken over there ♪
Will that circle be unbroken ♪
In the sky, in the sky ♪
Will that family circle here ♪
Be unbroken over there ♪
Will that circle
be unbroken by and by ♪
By and by ♪
Well, I have a mother and a father ♪
Sister and a brother, too ♪
Well, I have friends
and other relations ♪
With whom I used to know ♪
Well, they're sitting
down in the kingdom ♪
They're a-waitin' there for me ♪
Now, when they call
the family reunion ♪
- I'll be there ♪
- I'll be there ♪
Yes, I'll be there ♪
Ooh, I'll be there ♪
When they call the family reunion ♪
I'll be there, I'll be there ♪
- Will the circle ♪
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
Circle be unbroken ♪
Now, will the circle ♪
Be unbroken by and by ♪
By and by ♪
Go right ahead, Your Majesty.
(DROPS COIN IN SLOT)
You boys really think
you can run things?
White man called my daddy "boy" once.
He ended up with wooden teeth,
just like George Washington.
Yeah, yeah.
Personally
I'm all for you coloreds breaking even.
I mean, why should
the bosses get all the fat
when we're the ones down in the mud
- scrounging for dimes?
- Oh.
So you're one of us now?
(CHUCKLES)
No, I'm not saying that.
Just
Say there's a turtle.
Turtle?
Mm, king turtle.
He rules over everything he sees.
Except he's a turtle, so he's real low
- to the ground.
- I'm gonna put you back in the trunk.
No, no.
Hear me out.
So, this king turtle,
he calls two of his guys
and he tells them to climb
on top of each other,
you know, like a ladder.
And he climbs on their backs.
So now he can see further
but still just, like, 50 feet.
So he calls even more turtles.
And one by one,
they get on top of each other.
And up he goes.
Till all the turtles are in a pile.
And old king turtle
Oh, he can see for miles.
Except
the guys on the bottom
are getting crushed.
- (VEHICLE APPROACHING)
- And I'm saying
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
JOSEPH MCCARTHY (OVER RADIO):
Today we are engaged
in the final, all-out battle
between communistic atheism
and democratic Christianity.
-
- The modern champions of communism
-
- have selected this as the time.
And, folks, the chips are down.
They are truly down.
"When a great democracy is destroyed,
"it will not be from
enemies from without,
but rather because of
enemies from within."
I have here in my hands
a list of 205 names
that were made known to the Secretary
(RADIO CLICKS OFF)
How much farther?
Hours, not days.
SATCHEL: What is it?
Someplace to kip.
Couple of nights.
Get our heads on straight.
(WIND WHISTLING)
What's that smell?
Fresh air.
SATCHEL: What does it say?
Sleep with one eye open.
Huh?
(COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
MILLIGAN: We'll be needing
a room for a night or two.
Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
What?
Things work a specific way around here,
so I got to figure out where to put you.
Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
MILLIGAN: Well,
that's in California, yeah?
McCarthy or Eisenhower?
Oh, we don't follow politics.
Eisenhower it is.
Uh, lastly
Old Testament or New?
Which is the one where
you get to be born again?
That'd be the New.
West side it is.
Any bags?
No.
- He your valet?
- We take care of each other.
Hmm.
The sisters don't much
care for colored folk.
- "Sisters" as in nuns?
- No. As in sisters.
Picola and Iola Crumb. They the owners.
And like I said,
they don't care much for coloreds.
I understand. Come on, kid.
- We'll find someplace else.
- Now, hold on.
Didn't say they had a rule.
Just said they don't care for us.
Steer clear of them,
you'll be right as rain.
Come on. I'll give you the tour.
This is the sitting room,
for board games and conversating.
(QUIETLY): Mm-hmm.
What's with the line everyplace?
Well, now, the sisters,
they ain't got along
since the Dust Bowl days.
But neither will renounce
their claim to the premises,
so I ask y'all questions,
and given your answers,
you either go west or east.
Why east or west?
Why any one thing or the other?
Just is the way it is.
(MAN COUGHING)
INA: This is you and the boy.
(COUGHING)
MILLIGAN: Hey.
Bathroom's down the hall.
Towels in the armoire.
You need anything else,
we probably ain't got it,
- but it don't hurt to ask.
- (COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
- SATCHEL: I'm hungry.
- Well, they put supper on the table
at 5:00 each night.
Fish sticks, maybe even some potatoes.
Green beans from a can.
It ain't much, but it's better
than boiling your shoes.
(COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
I call this one.
I saw some books in the den.
You can read up here till I get back.
(MATCH STRIKES)
Where are you going?
If we're gonna hide and stay hidden,
we need money.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
It so happens I laid some away in town.
I've got to retrieve it, alone.
But-but there's
a hospital man next door,
all bandaged up.
A man's a man.
If you can't run,
just do like we practiced.
Thigh, stomach, chest.
- Can't I ride with you?
- No. Remember,
if I don't come back,
I'm dead or in jail.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- (ENGINE STARTS)
Shit.
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
You can see in here,
this is frost-resistant,
so you don't get it on your food.
Let me tell you a
little about Kenmore
I'll be with you in a moment, pal.
Now, Kenmore is all about
freedom from your cooking cares.
- I'll have to ask my husband.
- Oh, all right.
- You want to take a catalog, ma'am?
- No.
All right. Have a good day.
(SIGHS)
Happy New Year, uh, in anticipation.
What happened to the feed store?
Well, now, old Miss Gingerly,
you know, her three boys
all passed in the Great War,
so, desolate with grief,
she, uh, turned over
operations to her brother Virgil,
and he promptly gambled
away the family fortune.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
There, uh, used to be a wall here.
Well, yeah
Yes, sir, yeah, yeah, there did.
Can I interest you in a dinette set?
Maybe a "Dee-van" for
your boudoir? (CHUCKLES)
You the new owner?
Yes, sir. Beachwood Indiana.
Me and my brother Haskell, the younger,
we, uh, bought the place at auction.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, now (CHUCKLES)
Just when we was starting to hit it off.
Uh, back in a jiff.
(SOFT THUD)
(IN DISTANCE): T. Woodman Catalog Store.
Yes, uh, yeah, yeah.
(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
All right.
You, too.
(HANGS UP PHONE)
All righty, then
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE)
(SCRATCHING)
(SCRATCHING CONTINUES)
(HINGE SQUEAKS)
- (BARKS)
- (GASPS)
(WHINES)
(DOG PANTING)
(WHINING)
(WHISPERING): Hey,
come on. Come on, girl.
(WHINING)
Good girl.
Rabbit? Is that your name?
(BARKS)
(RABBIT SCRATCHING DOOR)
- (BARKING)
- Wait. Wait up.
Come on, girl.
- (BARKS)
- (WOMAN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE)
- Hey. Come on, girl.
- (BARKS)
Wait. Wait.
Well, now we got a secret, you and me.
How's that?
The sisters can't
abide spirits of any kind.
Alcohol, I'm saying.
I know what spirits are.
East or west?
Huh? Oh.
West?
You best step to this side
of the line, then,
in case they're watching.
Hunk Swindell's the name.
Aluminum siding's the game. (CHUCKLES)
That your canine?
I found her upstairs.
Hm.
Ask me a question.
- What?
- Dale Carnegie.
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
"Six Ways to Make People Like You."
Number one: become
genuinely interested in other people.
So ask me a question.
Um you got any food?
(LAUGHS)
Make 'em laugh.
Yeah, that's rule number nine.
Hard to dislike a man
what's got a funny bone.
Me, I got two. Plus the gift of gab,
ever since I was a boy.
But it wasn't till I found Mr. Carnegie
that I really learned to
channel my thoughts into
a strategy for success.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Who's this now?
Ain't got a name, I don't think.
I'm just calling him "boy."
You ain't from Texas, by chance?
No, sir.
Oil fields as far as the eye
can see, I heard.
Instant millions.
All you got to do is get off the train.
- That's where I'm headed.
- HUNK: Yeah.
My new friend's got a
bit of gold rush fever.
(SCOFFS) Better than knocking on doors
with nothing but a
briefcase and a smile.
HUNK: Ain't nothing in this world
impossible if'n a man's
got the right attitude.
(LAUGHS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Said stay in the room.
SATCHEL: But the dog got out.
Whose dog?
Mine.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
MILLIGAN: We've had a setback.
Things ain't the way I left 'em.
Which Only a fool thinks
the world's gonna
stay exactly as it was.
So there's that.
But I worked the problem, and I think
I got a solve.
I think she likes me.
I'm glad you're having such a nice day,
but I don't want you wandering
the place while I'm gone.
Last thing we need
is unwanted attention.
(BELL CLANGING)
INA: Come and get it while it's hot.
- Wait. That
- (BARKS)
Hey.
(BARKS, GROWLS)
Stay.
(BELL CONTINUES CLANGING)
(GROWLS SOFTLY)
HUNK: My name's Hunk Swindell.
This is Hickory J. Milch.
And you're
- Uh, Pastor Roanoke.
- Pastor Roanoke.
Very good, and, uh, this is
No coloreds at the table.
What?
I said, no coloreds at the table.
(LAUGHS) My side, my rules.
- Sit down, sweetie.
- What?
HUNK: Hey, glad you could join us.
We were just going around the room,
doing introductions.
Uh, you met myself and young Hickory.
Uh, on the east side,
there's Pastor Roanoke
- and his wife.
- Mother.
Mother.
And across from them,
uh, that's the Major,
hero of Wounded Knee, and his
Uh, Millie is my niece.
So now you know who we are.
Uh, the name's Duffy.
And this is my ward, Colt.
- What?
- Said he's an Irishman
and the Negro is his ward.
Say the blessing already.
Food's getting cold.
Almighty Father, we pray Thee,
sanctify this food that
it may strengthen us
to do and endure Thy Holy Will.
(CLEARS THROAT) Here's
a good one that can't fail.
Lord Jesus, hear our prayers
and bless us with Thy bounty
in this life and the next,
for where there is risk,
there is always reward.
Amen.
What kind of cockamamie
blessing is that?
HICKORY: Prayer for prosperity.
ROANOKE: Son,
that ain't how you talk to God.
It's how we conversate
with Him out West.
Heathens.
So, Duffy, what brings you
to this neck of the woods?
I heard there was some honest
work up at Sioux Falls.
Planning to make a fresh start of it.
MAJOR: Well, that's damn peculiar,
if you ask me.
White man traveling with a Negro child.
What?
Said he don't much
care for colored folk.
IOLA: Oh
What line of work you in, partner?
You ask a lot of questions.
Guilty as charged.
Dale Carnegie,
rule number one. (CHUCKLES)
But I'll lay off you.
- Mm-hmm?
- Tell me a story, Seymour.
Well, which one do you want, sugar plum?
Uh, let's see. Hansel and Gretel.
Or would you like
the legend of Goldilocks?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey, funny you mention that.
I was talking to a fella on the train,
must've been, um, winter last,
works in publishing.
Did you know that in
the original Goldilocks,
it was witches, not bears?
In any case, he tells me,
think about this poor girl,
no home of her own,
just wandering the woods.
This fella said that to his mind,
Goldilocks is the classic example
of an outsider in search of himself.
If you think about it,
the story's got no ending.
I mean, the bears They get justice
Chasing an intruder out of
their home, but for the girl?
Well, she's back out in the cold.
No family, no home.
Doesn't fit in anywhere.
♪
I thought I said leave
the dog in the room.
She'll get lonely and she'll bark,
and that's unwanted attention, right?
Right?
(RABBIT WHINING)
(ENGINE STARTS)
- The future is what?
- How's that?
What's it gonna say?
Wait till it's finished.
Then you'll see.
Well finish the damn thing already.
Moment I finish it, I'm out of a job.
Plus, what do you care?
It's just a sign.
It's the principle,
making people live with uncertainty.
It ain't right.
Send a letter to your congressman,
you're so irate.
ANNOUNCER (OVER RADIO):
And in Kansas City today,
the mayor is calling for
additional law enforcement
as the war between organized
crime syndicates heats up,
following yesterday's deadly shoot-out
at the Kelsey slaughterhouse.
(RADIO CLICKS OFF)
(RABBIT BARKS)
(ENGINE TURNS OFF)
- Is this where your money is?
- Stay put.
Lock the doors and don't talk to nobody.
- And quiet the mutt.
- (RABBIT WHINES)
- You're being paranoid.
- You didn't see him.
Like a poison pack of cigarettes.
He asked about the wall.
Maybe he's just an enemy to change.
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm saying, maybe he liked
things the way they were.
(SIGHS) You know, I've half a mind
to drive over to the cemetery
and make Ma take back
when she said you was the smart one.
Well, if this fella comes back,
we'll show him.
Show me what?
Both of you in the office, now.
You found something that belongs to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
The money. Where is it?
What money?
(GRUNTS)
Not gonna ask again.
BEACHWOOD: I-It's in the safe.
What's left.
Open it.
M-Mister, what were we supposed to do?
A bag of money in the wall,
opening a store with mouths to feed.
You-you thank the Lord, is what you do.
A-And count every dime.
Not your money.
We bought the store as-is, mister.
Leaky pipes, bag of money,
what have you.
That's the American way.
There was five grand in here.
(RABBIT BARKS, WHINES)
(BARKS)
Boy, is this your car?
You got a hearing problem or something?
(BARKING)
What are you doing?
J-Jus Just waiting.
For what?
I got a wife.
I I ain't married yet.
Who's gonna feed the dogs?
Step out of the vehicle.
(RABBIT WHINING)
I didn't do anything.
Come on, do it now.
- I'm just waiting.
- I said out of the car.
(RABBIT WHINING)
- Now.
- (RABBIT BARKS)
Quiet.
Is there a problem, Officer?
(RABBIT WHINING)
- Is this your car?
- Yes, sir.
He with you?
Yes.
- And what's your relation to this kid?
- I'm his guardian.
Who talked you into that
cockeyed arrangement?
Well, now, I served
with his daddy in the war.
Jerries killed him on Armistice Day.
Can you believe that?
First man killed in peacetime.
Least I could do was
care for his offspring.
Well
you want my advice,
you gonna travel with a colored kid
in a town like this
just keep him out of sight.
Yes, sir.
Appreciate that. It's,
uh, all new to me.
I'm hungry.
Supper's in an hour.
Maybe they got something in the kitchen.
I could look.
I've changed my mind.
We're leaving tonight.
- After the meal.
- Can I bring Rabbit?
- No.
- Why not?
'Cause I said so.
Don't need another mouth to feed,
and she's always barking.
But I could teach her to be quiet.
I said no.
What's that about?
- I just wanted one thing.
- One thing?
Huh, what are you on about?
One thing for my birthday.
Your
What?
When the hell is your birthday?
Today.
Hey. You wouldn't happen to have
a cupcake or a candy bar or something?
For the kid.
It's his birthday, see,
and I didn't know, and
Mm-mmm, no,
the sisters don't believe in sugar.
But there's a filling station
eight or nine miles down the road.
Probably get him a cupcake
or candy bar or something there.
(SNIFFS)
Thanks.
If the kid comes looking for me
just tell him I'll be right back.
Hey! Hey!
What the heck does that even mean?
Got me.
Could be a statement
as to the underlying
unreliability of time.
Or a testimony
along the lines of "seize the day."
They don't pay me to write 'em,
just slap 'em up.
Which I did.
And now it's done.
And I find myself once
more at a crossroads,
unemployed.
So I
suppose for me,
the future I once feared has arrived,
as predicted by this very billboard.
(WIND WHISTLING)
(DOOR CREAKING, THUDDING)
(RATTLING NEARBY)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(BARREL CLANGS)
(GRUNTS)
(GUNSHOT)
(CLICKING)
MAN: I am Alpha
and Omega.
The first and the last.
And what thou seest,
write it in a book
and send it to the seven churches,
(COUGHS) which are in Asia.
(AIR HISSING)
I just woke up.
Come closer.
It smells like rain.
Ah, worry not.
For it is written: no more flood.
The fire next time.
(AIR HISSING)
I'm-I'm looking for my friend.
I fell asleep.
Come closer.
I I'm gonna wait in my room.
(MAN COUGHING)
♪
(BIRDS SQUAWKING OUTSIDE)
(RAPID SCRATCHING)
(LOW GROWLING)
(BARKS)
(GROWLS)
(BARKS)
(WHINING)
♪