iCarly s04e09 Episode Script

All right.
Here we go.
Whoo.
Okay, Benson.
Let's do this thing.
Just a sec.
Wow.
Whoo.
Yeah.
I'm getting bored.
Sit down, boy.
- Okay.
You ready? - Ready.
- You ready? - Call it.
And go! Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
- How long? - 3.
2 seconds.
Yeah! That's the longest it's ever taken you to beat me.
Whoo! Congratulations.
Dude.
- Hey, Brad.
- Hey, man.
Hey, Brad.
How's it going? Good to see you.
So how you liking ridgeway? Good.
Pretty cool so far.
- Nice.
- Awesome.
Nice.
So how are things workin' out with cort on iCarly? Oh.
We had to fire cort.
Yeah.
Why? What happened? Oh, he just turned out to be not the best.
He was dangerously stupid.
Seriously stupid.
Well, hey, if you're still lookin' for some help with iCarly, I'd be happy to You'd still wanna be our intern? Really? I'd love it.
- Awesome.
- Done.
You're in.
And you still make Fudge, right? Oh, yeah.
I love making Fudge for people.
In fact Fudge oh.
What? Look at that.
Look at that.
Okay.
Dibs right there.
That one's mine.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, you gotta make a load of this stuff for the lock-in.
Big load.
Oh, yeah.
What's a lock-in? Oh, every year at ridgeway, they have this thing where the students spend a whole Saturday night in school and we all finish our semester projects.
Everyone pulls an all-nighter.
Sounds cool.
Yeah, it's kinda fun.
Yeah, it's fun, unless you happen to fall asleep and Sam draws something on your forehead.
What did she draw on your you don't need to know.
Would you forget about that already? I can't.
You took pictures that'll live on the Internet forever.
It wasn't that bad.
Not that bad? Read the comments! It was a pretty accurate drawing.
In 5, 4, 3, 2 I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give me your best and leave the rest to me leave it all to me (leave it all to me) leave it all to me just leave it all to me - Look at us.
- Now, back at Gibby.
- Now, back at us.
- Now, back at Gibby.
His hands are full of tuna fish salad.
- Now, look down.
- Back up.
- Look out your window.
- Think about cheese.
Stop thinking about cheese.
Your Web show isn't as good as this Web show.
But your Web show can smell like this Web show.
If you have a Gibby Holding a large blob of tuna fish salad.
I'm on a cow.
- Now, before we go - How about a hand for our newest addition to iCarly A guy who helps us out for free And makes top notch Fudge.
Say hello to iCarly's new intern Brad.
Brad.
Brad.
Brad.
Brad.
Brad like Brad, Brad.
Brad, Brad, Brad.
And so ends another edition of iCarly.
I think we all learned a little something tonight.
No, we didn't.
Oh, that's right, we learned nothing.
We wasted your time.
- Bye.
- Later.
- Peace.
- Nuggets.
Kiss a hamster.
Don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Botswana.
Botswana.
Botswana.
Bots-bots-botswana.
And we are clear.
Yeah.
Whoo.
Good show, guys.
I like the little improvy thing.
- Thanks.
- So, did I do okay? Yeah, you were great.
Oh, yeah.
You, sir, are an excellent assistant.
And Sam doesn't give out a lot of compliments.
Usually, it's insults followed by beatings.
Well, I'm psyched to be working with you guys.
Hey, can I get the recipe for this tuna salad ball? Absolutely.
Good.
I love this.
Hey, we should probably head back over to my place.
Get some more work done on our project.
Sure.
Let me grab my stuff.
All right.
What's your project? We're making an app for the pearpad.
Moodface, right? Uh-huh.
You just stare at the pearpad's camera for five seconds and it'll tell you what your mood is.
Really? That's so cool.
Did you use chopped celery in this? Red onion.
Clever.
Hey, can I work with you guys on your project? You're asking if you can help us? Yeah.
With a school project? I think it sounds really interesting.
Feels like Sam.
Smells like Sam.
Can I help with the project or what? Sure.
You can help.
I'll bring the Fudge.
I'll bring my mouth.
- Hey.
- Hey, kiddo.
You wanna grab some dinner tonight? I thought you were hanging out with Sam? I was supposed to, but she's going to see a movie with Freddie and Brad.
Sam wants to hang out with them? I know.
Weird, right? Yeah.
What's that for? Ah, the fire department sent us a letter saying we've reached our maximum number of calls for the year, so I bought this.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
And I just fixed the nozzle to make it extra powerful.
I'm gonna mount it on the wall over there.
Seems like a good place to mount it.
Thanks.
Hey, so you know about this lock-in thing on Saturday night at ridgeway? We're all gonna try to finish our school projects.
Na-huh.
Well, Gibby and I are doing a kinda psychological experiment.
Will you be our test subject? Hmm, I don't know.
Saturday nights, I usually watch cops with socko's grandmother, and I really come on.
M'kay.
Cool.
Now, I need to show you how this works in case there's ever a fire and I'm not home.
All right.
Show me.
All right.
See that paper cup right there? I see the cup.
Imagine I'm not home and that cup is on fire.
You don't just go, "oh, I'm young girl at home "and there's a fire.
Ahhhh.
Now, what do I do?" Nope.
You just pull this thingy, point the nozzle suchly and calmly squeeze this metal trigger! Oh my God.
Cup on fire! A cup on fire! Now, what do we do?! What do we do?! Aaah! And then you just put the extinguisher back in its wall bracket.
Attention, students.
This is principal Franklin.
It's now 9 P.
M.
, and all exterior school doors have been locked.
If you get hungry during the night, you'll find a food cart in the main hallway.
I wish you all good luck with your school projects.
Oh, warning: If you fall asleep, the school is not responsible for anything that Sam puckett might draw on your foreheads.
Study hard and prosper.
So this is A controlled sensory stimulus chamber.
Whoa.
I have no idea what that means.
It's a box.
Get in it.
Whoa.
Wait.
Whoa, whoa.
I wanna know what's gonna happen after I'm in there.
Subject already being difficult.
I'm not being difficult.
I just wanna hey, listen.
You go in there.
We lock the door, and then we're gonna test your reactions to different kinds of stimuli.
Oh, stimuli.
Oh.
Okay.
Go in there.
Perfect.
And locked.
Give me the mic.
Oh, and speaker on.
Say that again? Why is there a mirror in here, and why can't I see out? It's one-way glass.
So you can't see anything I'm doing.
We can see you.
You can't see us.
Oh right, right.
Okay, we're gonna start with various forms of stimulation.
Just react as you normally would.
Okay.
Turn your mic off.
Right.
Okay, Gibby, let's start with something only mildly irritating.
Play radio dingo to the speakers inside the chamber.
Coming up.
Ye-ah no, no, no, no, nope.
No.
Please turn this off.
It's horrible.
Turn it up.
Increasing volume.
Hey.
It's too loud.
Come on, guys.
Turn it off.
I don't like it.
Kill his mic.
Guys, come on.
Turn that And music off.
And music on.
It's your birthday Happy Birthday it's your birthday it's your birthday okay, tap the faces button.
Okay.
Okay.
Just let me sync the emotions matrix.
I'm back.
Hey, Sam.
Hey.
Oh, I got your camera thank you.
Hard drive, cables, and I brought you guys some chips and fresh guacamole.
Wow, that's awesome.
Wait.
Why'd you do that? What'd you put in the guac? Something to make us sleep? No.
Then eat some.
Just a sec.
Okay, what's up with you? What do you mean? You have been nice and helpful and considerate all day.
What's your game? No game.
Why don't we get on with the project? Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
Okay.
So, is this baby ready for testing? Yup.
Just sit on that chair and stare right into the pearpad.
I do like sittin' and starin'.
Go ahead and record.
All right.
Rolling.
Okay, this is Freddie Benson proceeding with test number three of application moodface.
Subject: Sam puckett.
All right, Sam, just stare at the pearpad straight on and keep your head still.
Yup.
Can I move now? Uh, yeah.
So what's her mood? Uh, it's, uh, it's inconclusive.
- No reading? - It was working this morning.
Yeah.
I'm gonna see if Carly has any tissues.
Okay, Spencer, we're moving on to our next experiment.
- What is it? - It's not that bad.
Then tell me what it is.
Carly? Hey.
Fire up the stink hose.
Releasing the stink.
Hey.
What is that stuff? Oh, oh, it smells terrible.
Oh my God, that smells horrible.
It smells like Carly.
Oh, hey.
How's your moodface project going? - Listen.
- What's wrong? You know how we've been wondering what's up with Sam? Yeah.
Why she's been wanting to hang with me and Brad all the time? Why she's been so nice to me and Brad? So what'd you find out? I just did an emotion test on her with our new app.
And? Her mood in love? With Brad? Uh-huh.
Hey, Carly, check this out.
I turned the stink up to 11.
Sam's in love? - Sam.
Sam.
Sam.
- Oh.
Hey, Carls.
- Hey.
Ham? - Uh-huh.
- Extra ham? - Uh-huh.
- So how's your project going? - Good, I think.
But I'm not sure 'cause Benson freaked and ran out the door a few minutes ago.
- Oh.
And how's Brad? - Brad's cool.
Hmm.
Would you say very cool? What, what do you mean? I know you love Brad.
Admit you love him.
I love ham.
I'll admit that.
You can't kiss and snuggle with ham.
Oh, oh, ham.
Sam.
Excuse me.
I have to turn my back on you now.
Sam, I know you love Brad.
It's exciting.
Okay.
Did you like fall out of a tree or what? You wanna know how I know you're in love with Brad? Sure.
Please share.
When Freddie tested his moodface app on you, it said "in love.
" Who says his app really works? Well, does it? No.
Yes, it does.
You know it does.
It works good.
I'm gonna go eat my ham in peace.
You love the Brad.
Boobity boobity boo.
You can't bury your love in ham.
I can try.
She admit it? Denied.
I figured.
Eh, she's just a little awkward about liking guys.
Oh, well.
No, no, no.
No.
No "oh, well.
" We're gonna make this happen.
Why? 'Cause Brad's awesome.
It's the first time Sam's ever liked a guy who's not disgusting, or heavily tattooed, or on parole.
But if Sam won't even admit that she likes him, how are we gonna get him you've seen the animal channel the The horses? When they want two horses to, you know, date, they put 'em in the same barn together.
Then they, like, turn the barn lights down and you know what I'm talking about.
Why are you making me say it? So we get Sam and Brad, take 'em to a barn Stop it.
This is important.
Help me do this for Sam.
All right.
But if she gets mad at me hey.
Hey, Spencer puked a little bit.
Please.
Please, just clean it up.
We have something really important to do.
Come on.
Sure.
Always make Gibby clean the vomit out of the sensory stimulus chamber.
So how did you learn to make Fudge? Oh, my great grandma taught me.
She was a good woman, Brad.
She's still alive.
Even better.
Hey, everyone.
I just saw a two-headed frog out in the courtyard.
Two heads.
On a frog.
Come on, I'll show you.
Yes, follow Freddie.
Go on.
All right.
Oh.
Oh, wait.
Don't go.
Why not? We wanna see the two-headed frog.
Freddie exaggerated the number of heads.
I'm not coming back.
Just a one-headed frog.
Less impressive.
Come on.
I am starving.
It wears the blindfold if it wants to be fed.
Stop doing that accent.
It's creeping me out.
And give me some food.
Put on the blindfold and we'll feed you.
All right.
Here's a bowl of chowder all right.
And a spoon.
Are you sure we should do this? It's for science.
So? What's science ever done for me? Artificial sweeteners, man on the moon, liquid soap.
Okay.
Put the chowder through the slot.
All right.
Okay, Spencer.
Now just reach to your left and Gibby will hand you a bowl of chowder and a spoon.
About time.
Now push the button.
Ah! Hey, what happened? What happened? I was what did you do to my chowder? Electrocution curbs appetite.
Oh.
Carly Shay? Back in a sec.
Might be more than a sec.
What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Brad? That wasn't cool.
What? I know the whole two-headed frog thing was just to get me alone with Brad.
Yeah.
I was hooking you up.
I don't need you to hook me up.
You love him.
I don't love Brad.
The pearpad said you do.
It's a stupid computer app.
You've been acting different.
No, I haven't.
Oh, come on.
Lately, whenever Freddie and Brad do anything, all of a sudden you wanna tag along.
Brad's so nice.
He's polite.
He's smart.
He's got no warrants.
Think of the fudgey good times you guys could have together.
Don't you want a nice boyfriend? Go for it.
Make a move.
I just want you to be happy.
Then bake me a pie.
I love pie.
Gibby.
Yo, yo.
Carly send you to find me? Nope.
Oh, so you don't know we had a little argument.
She told me about your little argument.
I just said she didn't tell me to come find you.
Good.
But Carly's right.
Groan all you want.
I don't care what your stupid pearpad app says about me being in love.
I'm not into Brad like that.
Lately, every time I tell you that Brad and I are doing something together, you wanna come hang with us.
And that means I'm in love with him? Well, you hate me.
I never said I hate you.
Yeah, you have, like 900 times.
I still have the birthday card you gave me that says "happy birthday.
I hate you.
Hate, Sam.
" Just leeeeave.
Fine.
I'll leeeeave.
Bye.
But before gogo that's it.
Get out of here before I do a double fist-dance on your face.
You can threaten your double-fist face dancing all you want, but Carly's still right.
Look, I know it's scary for you to put your feelings out there 'cause you never know if the person you like is gonna like you back.
Everyone feels that way.
But you never know what might happen if you don't - I - Sorry.
It's cool.