My Boys (2006) s04e09 Episode Script
My Men
Your priorities straight.
So, you guys, Jack briscoe is finally retiring from the paper.
Whoa, so the front-page column is up for grabs? Peej, that'd be awesome.
And he wants to have breakfast With me tomorrow at 6:00 A.
M.
, by the way.
What is it with old people? They got to get up early, make sure their money's sthel Write an angry letter gtotv.
Uide they got to get up early, make sure their money's sthel Speaking of old people, Marcia's got a birthday coming up, So I'm gonna throw a little shindig.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Whou a yre doing with him? You could do so much better.
I can't, kenny.
And let's just get this out of the way.
I'm gonna be 28 Finally.
Wow, you guys really are meant for each other.
You know, Mike was 35 for about six years.
I've been 28 since the Clinton administration.
Aww, honey.
Aww.
Party.
No make-out.
Party! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.
A party! Um, next Saturday.
Thinking about having it here, so Actually, I'm gonna go ask crowley about it.
I'm really excited for you guys to meet my friends.
They don't drink as much as you, but, then again, who does? Not that I'm judging.
Okay, maybe just a little.
Llwh them at you j mt heldtoe.
Go ahead, crowley, tell them.
Which part? The part about me going golfing in Scotland? No.
Before that.
Oh.
I'm closing this place down.
Shutting the doors next week.
What? Are you kidding? You can't sell the bar! I'm nog seinllthe bar.
I'm selling the building and closing the bar.
I was gonna burn the place down, But then I remembered my parents live upstairs.
But you can't do this! We just fought so hard to get this place back! It made me realize what a pain in the ass it is owning a bar.
Owning a bar is a young man's game.
Tell me about it.
You are young, Brando.
Oh, yeah.
Don't think about it as losing a bar.
Think about it as gaining a Whatever moves in here next.
What's gonna move in here? I don't know.
Cellphone store? Check-cashing place? Pretty much got to be one of the two, though.
I'm really sorry to hear about your bar, you guys, But I have to go.
I've got a work thing.
Mike never told us.
What do you do? I'm a burglar.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm an ad exec.
Same thing, except without the raccoon mask And the bags with the money signs.
Hey, I'm gonna find an even better place to have your party.
I promisin I feel very confident that things are gonna work out.
Okay.
All right.
Than, ee Bye.
Bye, guys.
See you later, marcia.
Bye.
I'm screwed! Where am I supposed to have this party? My apartment is downright dangerous with more thanig What about a park? Can't have booze at a Rk.
S suck Well, you know, Andy's house is just sitting there empty.
And we all know it's stumbling distance to marcia's place.
That would be perfect! Yeah.
You think he'd mind? Not if he doesn't know.
Great.
Problem solved.
Not quite.
Crowley's is closing.
, sukelifor good.
What's important here?! Crowley's is like the lynchpin of this neighborhood.
I mean, where's that guy gonna go during the day? The library? Huh.
I don't think so.
I hope it doesn't become one of those places That sells really expensive soap with twigs sticking out of it.
Hi, everybody.
Hey, Stephanie.
Okay, it's official.
I have big news.
Yeah, well, we have big news, too.
Crowley's is closing! Fantastic.
And I'm going to london.
You're going to london? For how long? Three months.
I'm going to be a panelist on a BBC talk show.
Me, Sharon osbourne, and posh Spice Are going to give relationship advice.
That is so fantastic! Congratulations! Aw.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
You going? Kenny hasn't decided yet if he wants to come with me Or have many months of awkward conversations At weird hours, Causing irreparable harm to our fledgling relationship.
What am I gonna do in london? Visit big Ben? I mean, my business is just taking off.
The timing couldn't be worse.
Long-distance relationships are really hard.
Yeah, and when one of you isn't into phone sex Ew! Oh, no! Now I just pictured you guys having phone sex, Which is way worse Than when I pictured you guys having sex sex.
Why did you picture them having sex sex? It's natural.
It's like, you know, when I think about you guys.
What?! You picture us having sex sex? Ew! Now I did! Stop it! First of all, it's none of your business.
Second of all, it's not gross.
Yeah, when I picture it, it's it's very loving.
Okay, okay, how did we get here from me going to london? How did we get here From Mike needing a place to throw marcia a party? And, people, where are we gonna drink? Oh, crap, I got to go.
I got that early morning breakfast with Jack.
I got to get some sleep.
How can you sleep when we don't know where we're gonna be drinking?! Ohh, we're not going right to sleep Oh! Now I'm picturing it! See, why'd you have to drag me into this? Wow, Jack.
I can't believe you're finally retiring.
I am.
I'm gonna spend some time with the family.
Now, usually, when you hear a guy say that, It means he was caught with a hooker.
But, sadly, in my case, it's true.
I just can't believe you're giving up your column.
I mean, you are sports in this town.
Well, now it's time for some other schmuck to take my place, Which is why I want to talk to you.
Oh? Am I on that list of schmucks? No.
You should be, but you're not, 'cause you're not doing enough.
What more should I be doing? The business has changed, p.
J.
You got to do so much more now.
I mean, you should be tweeting and blogging And other verbs that didn't exist five years ago.
Breaking more news? You got to be everywhere all the time, Instead of interviewing a pitcher of beer.
Well, obviously, I will do whatever it takes To get a shot at the front page.
I mean, that's the dream.
You got the talent.
You just got to convince those pooh-bahs upstairs That you can be the next Jack briscoe.
All right.
I guess I'll need to get three ex-wives And a lot more hawaiian shirts.
Yeah.
Don't leave the second one.
I really liked bridget.
Isn't that where Jack the ripper was murdering people? That was a while ago.
I think the neighborhood's come up since then.
Here, I'm here.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Sorry I'm late.
I've been dealing with this whole party thing.
You guys, there's way too much.
You think you could help me out with a couple things? Sure, man.
What do you need? Great.
I made a list.
Okay.
Uh, Steph, uh, you're on wine duty.
Perfect you want the standard 60/40 split Of white/red for the summer, anything bubbly? Literally gibberish.
Actually made me a little angry.
I'll take care of it.
Robert, you're on paper products Plates, napkins, et cetera.
Okay.
Kenny, you're on meat.
Done.
I know a guy.
Nice stuff.
Brando music.
Uh, what's marcia like? Actually, no.
You know what? I'm gonna tell marcia what she likes.
I think she's on a little bit of a pixies kick.
P.
J.
Cake.
Can you handle cake? Cake! Uh, yeah, cake.
Of course.
Cake.
I will do whatever you need me to do.
How 'bout playing poker? I'm dealing.
Sorry, I am tweeting.
Isn't tweeting just telling people what you're doing? Yes.
Well, why not tell them you're playing poker? 'cause I don't think that's gonna help me get the front page.
Well, what if you play eamyr and ll them you nte tan go bscuame? Th Because she's not.
That would be lying.
Hey, peej, can I talk to you real quick About something kind of important? Yeah, is something wrong? No, no, no.
It's just, you know, kind of a business-related question.
But yeah, I just sorry.
I have to finish this piece about this kid from Venezuela Who supposedly can throw 108 miles per hour.
I'm gonna blog about it.
Ah.
I'm sorry.
Dinner how about Thursday? Great.
Cool.
Okay.
Peej, you in or out? I am sorry, guys.
I think I'm out.
I should just go into my room and work.
Aw, man.
Bloggy p.
J.
Is no fun.
Look, I'm sorry.
This is my big push.
I got to do nothing but work if I'm gonna get this job.
Sorry.
What is that? It's all they have left on tap.
Crowley's not restocking, So all they've got left is the really weird stuff.
This is like licking a can.
Oof, I'm drunk.
Wait.
Now I'm sober.
Ow, my head.
Hey, you guys.
Hey, guys.
We just picked up a bunch of stuff for the party.
Yeah.
I got 300 paper plates.
What?! No! I just fought traffic all the way back from skokie, Where I bought paper plates because Mike told me to.
I did? Whoops! I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm having trouble keeping track of everything.
I hope you didn't tell anybody else to get hot dogs.
I got 16 dozen in my trunk.
Actually, we need some veggie dogs, Because marcia's a vegetarian.
Kind of an important thing to tell the meat guy.
I hate to say it, pal, but I think you might be in a little over your head here.
Or maybe this is going exactly as planned A party with 7,000 plates and 200 nasty-ass hot dogs.
Mike, you need a party planner, Someone that can take care of the details.
A party planner.
Totally! Dude, you're a life saver.
I'm a what, now? Dude, nobody does organization like you.
let's check in after you get the kegs.
Oh, there's the birthday girl.
Hold on.
Hi, honey.
What just happened? Kenny morittori, party planner extraordinaire.
So now I'm planning a party? I-I'm trying to get kenny's klosets off the ground.
I don't have time for this.
All right, if I'm doing this, that's fine.
Everybody else is gonna have to step up.
Brendan, can you do balloons? I'm on music, dude.
Plus, I got a really important business meeting that I got to Reschedule.
There's a new sheriff in town.
Ha ha! You Buying balloons.
What are you laughing atla w school? Classes don't start for a month.
You're my twinkle-light bitch.
Oh, hey, you guys.
Hey! Hey! Where have you been? I just had breakfast in South bend, Lunch in evanston, afternoon at mount carmel, And then I just got back from wrigley.
I am exhausted.
Guys, give her a little breathing room.
Have a little beer.
Relax.
Ohh.
Thank you.
Gee, what a surprise.
You, here, with a beer in your hand.
No, I just picked this up, I swear! And I'm actually not even sure that's beer.
You got a second? All right, now, listen, nni'gom r That I'm not making to anybody else.
I'm going to the white sox/red sox series In Boston tomorrow.
You come with me.
I'll introduce you around.
Oh, uh, wow, that's, uh, really nice of you.
I actually have a bunch of things lined up this weekend.
I've got this birthday party.
What?! I haven't been to a birthday party since I was 7.
You got to get your priorities straight.
In this job, you're gonna miss birthdays.
Hell, you'll miss births.
Well, actually, that would be a little Look, I am offering you a call-up to the bigs.
You should be living and breathing sports! I do! Well, then Boston's a no-brainer.
Hell, you should have three or four stories About the sox/sox series you could do right now.
Oh.
And what are they? Um Mike Cameron gets a chance To play against the team that drafted him.
Mmfiy wakegoeld is a 44-year-old starter.
And ozzie guillen and Terry francona Have the two filthiest mouths in baseball.
Pack your bags.
See you in Boston.
Thanks for the drink.
And then, this fold makes the beak.
I don't understand why we need 200 origami ducks.
They're cranes.
They're supposed to gckood lu.
Mine looks like a penguin.
Hey, you don't have to explain se d o yo tlfanybur You got a problem, you go through me.
You know, kenny, you think you're throwing yourself Into this whole party-planner role So you don't have to deal with the london issue? It might be easy for you to pick up and leave, but I got roots here.
Plus, this birthday barbecue For my best friend's new girlfriend Is very important to me.
I'll give you $100 if you can tell me marcia's last name.
Wilson.
Sandler.
Handler.
Definitely handler.
Ah, crap! I gotta go.
Hey.
No time! More spelling mistakes.
Got to get to the jewelers! Finally.
You were supposed to be here hours ago.
I am sorry.
I have got like a million things to do for work.
You got a million things to do? I got to plan a whole party Using a skeleton crew acting like amateurs.
We are amateurs.
Take it easy, kenny.
Geez, who made you party planner? Mike.
Kenny's the party planner.
Boy, you have really missed a lot.
And I know you're busy, okay? But how are we doing on that cake? What cake? I swear to God Bobby, you're gonna have to take over the cake.
I stl have to make 40 more penguin-crane things.
Don't look at me, man.
I actually got to go.
I got a meeting with my accountant.
Hey, peej, we're still cool for dinner later, right? Oh, shoot! I have some bad news about that.
I have to pack tonight.
I'm have to go to Boston tomorrow.
What?! You're gonna miss the party?! I have to, all right? If I'm gonna get this dream job, I absolutely have to be in Boston this weekend.
Wow.
Mike's gonna be bummed.
He's so invested in this party.
And I'm bummed 'cause you're gonna leave me here alone with kenny.
And also 'cause I'll miss you.
Believe me, I would much rather be here at a superfun barbecue, But I just need to get this job, And then everything will go back to normal, you know? Will it, though? You'd be on the front page.
Peej, Jack had no life.
I think that's just the job.
Well, I'm not gonna become Jack briscoe.
Unfortunately, there are trade-offs for that kind of success.
Look, that's not gonna happen to me, Because my friends are way too important.
Oh, Bobby, can you tell Mike that I can't come to his party? Aw, man! Seriously?! You can mention it when you drop off the heaters.
All right, look, thanks.
Thksks, anththan.
Ks I gotta go.
I'm so sorry.
Mwah! I got to pack, guys.
I should run, too.
Where are you going? Well, I've got to pack, sort things, shed dead weight.
Ooh, I'm no relationship expert, But I think she's talking about you.
You know, it's not an easy decision to make, Stephanie, okay? First of all, I don't understand the rules to cricket, They don't have ice, they got warm beer, They have bad teeth.
Do you know anything about london That wasn't in a stand-up routine 20 years ago? Plus, they drive on the left side of the road, which isn't right.
You suck! Hey, what are you guys doing here? We hang out here now.
What have I missed? Marcia and I have five kids Mike, Michael Jr.
, Michel, Michelangelo, and joaquin.
I went outside the marriage for joaquin.
We needed a smart one.
Hey, it's Bobby.
Honey.
Are you in a choir? I'm on the supreme court now.
And don't call me "honey.
" she wouldn't like it.
Who? I married Jessica biel when you were out of town.
She's delicious.
Yeah! I'm an editor now.
But still single With a drinking problem? I love my job.
Hey, p.
J.
How'd the triple bypass go? When did my ar t Ugh! P.
J.
, what are you wearing? Oh, great.
Thanks for all the hard work, Brando.
No problem.
Hey! I got all this stuff! He just put some music in an iPod! Big whoop! Bobby, I don't see the heat lamps.
Tell me they're on the way.
There are no heat lamps.
I had to make an executive decision.
It's 85 degrees outside! Calm down, Lisa.
No, I will not! None of you guys appreciate me! I stayed up until 3:00 in the morning Making buttons out of marcia's second-grade picture! Ooh! They're adorable! Way to go, party planner! Thanks.
No, I did it! I made them! Those are warm.
Eat me.
Okay, food's out.
We got to get the beer on ice.
Music? Dr.
Brando's monster marcia mix is ready to rock.
Gonna ease in with a little "panama," And then we're gonna take it to the "break of dawn.
" Wait, where's p.
J.
? Oh, crap.
You had one thing you had to do! Hey, why do you want me to hit you? I've never hit anyone in my whole life! She is coming, though, right? She has to be here.
ActuallyShe's not.
What?! She had a business trip.
hi! Wow! You are way out of the loop! You made it! So glad to see you.
Where were you supposed to be? Boston.
They didn't tell you? Were you really in Boston, Or was that just an elaborate lie To get out of helping Bobby hang a thousand twinkle lights? You hung a thousand little twinkle lights? They've been so mean to me.
So what happened in Boston? I told Jack that I do have my priorities straight, That I do know what's important to me, And, uh, it's not my job.
It's being here with you guys.
So I am.
Hey, can you guys all come outside? We want to propose a toast.
Oh, sure, of course.
Hey, can everybody gather around, please? Come on! Come in, come in! First of all, thank you all so much for coming out To help me celebrate marcia's birthday.
Whoo-hoo! And we invited you all here, our closest friends, Because Well, because, uh, even though it's only been a month, And even though we barely know each other, Tonight We're getting married.
What? What? What? What? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God! And we know what you're thinking "are they out of their minds?" But the truth is, we're old, And we know the difference Between how we feel about each other And everyone else.
But mostly we're old.
So, let's do this! Everybody, come in! Melanie, come here.
Let's do it! High five! I promise to be loving and helpful And not always the dumbest man alive.
And I promise to love and to cherish you Even when u can't help but be.
Now, by the power vested in me By the universal life church and the state of Illinois Wait.
I have to tell you something.
I was married before for two months To a Blackjack dealer named j.
D.
Really? I used to smoke 2 packs a day, 10 years.
Depression runs in my family.
It's possible I have a teenage daughter somewhere in Denmark.
I have a ferret in my house, and I don't know where he is.
Sometimes I wear biking shorts, just to suck everything in a bit.
Okay, I'm good.
Me too.
Let's be husband and wife.
Okay.
Let's drink! So, where'd we end up with the cake? Well Honestly, it was the best one they had at dominick's.
It was either that or a really bad, fake spongebob.
I can't believe they got married! I can't believe Mike was the first one to get married.
I can't believe Mike pulled this off.
I can't believe he has a daughter in Denmark.
Are we gonna talk about that or what? Damn it.
I'm not getting the job.
Aw, babe.
I'm sorry.
You deserved it.
Mm, I don't know about that.
Anyway, if I had gotten it, I would've missed being here, so I'm pretty happy staying right where I am on page 3.
Oh, babe, I am so sorry I haven't been around to help you with everything.
Oh, that's okay.
I learned origami and button-making.
Oh, and, brendan, I know you had something Really important you wanted to talk to me.
I'm so sorry I haven't had time.
Oh, no, it's cool.
I totally worked it out.
And, for the first time, I made a decision without your advice.
It felt pretty good.
That's true.
And so did I.
What do you mean? I've decided that I'm going to london with Steph.
Really? Yeah.
Now that Mike's left the nest, I feel like I can move on with my life.
Oh.
Mmm! Oh, this is so incredibly sad.
It's Saturday night, and it's dark.
Yeah.
End of an era.
Yeah, it would've been nice To have had one last nightcap here, huh? Well, I don't know what's stocked, but What are you doing? Welcome to my new place.
No! What?! What?! I've been wanting to break away from John's for a while, So when crowley told me he was selling the place, I jumped on it.
Had to.
Just made sense.
Well, look at you! Yeah, look at me.
Brando, you saved crowley's.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm gonna paint the whole thing black, Drop in a stage, charge a cover, Fill it with douchebags, but, yeah.
Kidding, kidding.
Come on.
Hey! It's you guys.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! We were walking by.
We saw the lights on! What's going on? Brando bought crowley's.
It's Brando's crowley's.
What?! Dude! All right, can I just say that in my first moments At Brando's crowley's, the service is terrible.
All right, all right.
Who eds? Ooh! Yes, please! Sometimes it takes getting your priorities straight To truly appreciate what you already have.
Cheers, everybody.
Cheers! Cheers! Bring it in, bring it in.
So, you guys, Jack briscoe is finally retiring from the paper.
Whoa, so the front-page column is up for grabs? Peej, that'd be awesome.
And he wants to have breakfast With me tomorrow at 6:00 A.
M.
, by the way.
What is it with old people? They got to get up early, make sure their money's sthel Write an angry letter gtotv.
Uide they got to get up early, make sure their money's sthel Speaking of old people, Marcia's got a birthday coming up, So I'm gonna throw a little shindig.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Whou a yre doing with him? You could do so much better.
I can't, kenny.
And let's just get this out of the way.
I'm gonna be 28 Finally.
Wow, you guys really are meant for each other.
You know, Mike was 35 for about six years.
I've been 28 since the Clinton administration.
Aww, honey.
Aww.
Party.
No make-out.
Party! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.
A party! Um, next Saturday.
Thinking about having it here, so Actually, I'm gonna go ask crowley about it.
I'm really excited for you guys to meet my friends.
They don't drink as much as you, but, then again, who does? Not that I'm judging.
Okay, maybe just a little.
Llwh them at you j mt heldtoe.
Go ahead, crowley, tell them.
Which part? The part about me going golfing in Scotland? No.
Before that.
Oh.
I'm closing this place down.
Shutting the doors next week.
What? Are you kidding? You can't sell the bar! I'm nog seinllthe bar.
I'm selling the building and closing the bar.
I was gonna burn the place down, But then I remembered my parents live upstairs.
But you can't do this! We just fought so hard to get this place back! It made me realize what a pain in the ass it is owning a bar.
Owning a bar is a young man's game.
Tell me about it.
You are young, Brando.
Oh, yeah.
Don't think about it as losing a bar.
Think about it as gaining a Whatever moves in here next.
What's gonna move in here? I don't know.
Cellphone store? Check-cashing place? Pretty much got to be one of the two, though.
I'm really sorry to hear about your bar, you guys, But I have to go.
I've got a work thing.
Mike never told us.
What do you do? I'm a burglar.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm an ad exec.
Same thing, except without the raccoon mask And the bags with the money signs.
Hey, I'm gonna find an even better place to have your party.
I promisin I feel very confident that things are gonna work out.
Okay.
All right.
Than, ee Bye.
Bye, guys.
See you later, marcia.
Bye.
I'm screwed! Where am I supposed to have this party? My apartment is downright dangerous with more thanig What about a park? Can't have booze at a Rk.
S suck Well, you know, Andy's house is just sitting there empty.
And we all know it's stumbling distance to marcia's place.
That would be perfect! Yeah.
You think he'd mind? Not if he doesn't know.
Great.
Problem solved.
Not quite.
Crowley's is closing.
, sukelifor good.
What's important here?! Crowley's is like the lynchpin of this neighborhood.
I mean, where's that guy gonna go during the day? The library? Huh.
I don't think so.
I hope it doesn't become one of those places That sells really expensive soap with twigs sticking out of it.
Hi, everybody.
Hey, Stephanie.
Okay, it's official.
I have big news.
Yeah, well, we have big news, too.
Crowley's is closing! Fantastic.
And I'm going to london.
You're going to london? For how long? Three months.
I'm going to be a panelist on a BBC talk show.
Me, Sharon osbourne, and posh Spice Are going to give relationship advice.
That is so fantastic! Congratulations! Aw.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
You going? Kenny hasn't decided yet if he wants to come with me Or have many months of awkward conversations At weird hours, Causing irreparable harm to our fledgling relationship.
What am I gonna do in london? Visit big Ben? I mean, my business is just taking off.
The timing couldn't be worse.
Long-distance relationships are really hard.
Yeah, and when one of you isn't into phone sex Ew! Oh, no! Now I just pictured you guys having phone sex, Which is way worse Than when I pictured you guys having sex sex.
Why did you picture them having sex sex? It's natural.
It's like, you know, when I think about you guys.
What?! You picture us having sex sex? Ew! Now I did! Stop it! First of all, it's none of your business.
Second of all, it's not gross.
Yeah, when I picture it, it's it's very loving.
Okay, okay, how did we get here from me going to london? How did we get here From Mike needing a place to throw marcia a party? And, people, where are we gonna drink? Oh, crap, I got to go.
I got that early morning breakfast with Jack.
I got to get some sleep.
How can you sleep when we don't know where we're gonna be drinking?! Ohh, we're not going right to sleep Oh! Now I'm picturing it! See, why'd you have to drag me into this? Wow, Jack.
I can't believe you're finally retiring.
I am.
I'm gonna spend some time with the family.
Now, usually, when you hear a guy say that, It means he was caught with a hooker.
But, sadly, in my case, it's true.
I just can't believe you're giving up your column.
I mean, you are sports in this town.
Well, now it's time for some other schmuck to take my place, Which is why I want to talk to you.
Oh? Am I on that list of schmucks? No.
You should be, but you're not, 'cause you're not doing enough.
What more should I be doing? The business has changed, p.
J.
You got to do so much more now.
I mean, you should be tweeting and blogging And other verbs that didn't exist five years ago.
Breaking more news? You got to be everywhere all the time, Instead of interviewing a pitcher of beer.
Well, obviously, I will do whatever it takes To get a shot at the front page.
I mean, that's the dream.
You got the talent.
You just got to convince those pooh-bahs upstairs That you can be the next Jack briscoe.
All right.
I guess I'll need to get three ex-wives And a lot more hawaiian shirts.
Yeah.
Don't leave the second one.
I really liked bridget.
Isn't that where Jack the ripper was murdering people? That was a while ago.
I think the neighborhood's come up since then.
Here, I'm here.
Hey.
Hey, buddy.
Sorry I'm late.
I've been dealing with this whole party thing.
You guys, there's way too much.
You think you could help me out with a couple things? Sure, man.
What do you need? Great.
I made a list.
Okay.
Uh, Steph, uh, you're on wine duty.
Perfect you want the standard 60/40 split Of white/red for the summer, anything bubbly? Literally gibberish.
Actually made me a little angry.
I'll take care of it.
Robert, you're on paper products Plates, napkins, et cetera.
Okay.
Kenny, you're on meat.
Done.
I know a guy.
Nice stuff.
Brando music.
Uh, what's marcia like? Actually, no.
You know what? I'm gonna tell marcia what she likes.
I think she's on a little bit of a pixies kick.
P.
J.
Cake.
Can you handle cake? Cake! Uh, yeah, cake.
Of course.
Cake.
I will do whatever you need me to do.
How 'bout playing poker? I'm dealing.
Sorry, I am tweeting.
Isn't tweeting just telling people what you're doing? Yes.
Well, why not tell them you're playing poker? 'cause I don't think that's gonna help me get the front page.
Well, what if you play eamyr and ll them you nte tan go bscuame? Th Because she's not.
That would be lying.
Hey, peej, can I talk to you real quick About something kind of important? Yeah, is something wrong? No, no, no.
It's just, you know, kind of a business-related question.
But yeah, I just sorry.
I have to finish this piece about this kid from Venezuela Who supposedly can throw 108 miles per hour.
I'm gonna blog about it.
Ah.
I'm sorry.
Dinner how about Thursday? Great.
Cool.
Okay.
Peej, you in or out? I am sorry, guys.
I think I'm out.
I should just go into my room and work.
Aw, man.
Bloggy p.
J.
Is no fun.
Look, I'm sorry.
This is my big push.
I got to do nothing but work if I'm gonna get this job.
Sorry.
What is that? It's all they have left on tap.
Crowley's not restocking, So all they've got left is the really weird stuff.
This is like licking a can.
Oof, I'm drunk.
Wait.
Now I'm sober.
Ow, my head.
Hey, you guys.
Hey, guys.
We just picked up a bunch of stuff for the party.
Yeah.
I got 300 paper plates.
What?! No! I just fought traffic all the way back from skokie, Where I bought paper plates because Mike told me to.
I did? Whoops! I'm sorry.
Dude, I'm having trouble keeping track of everything.
I hope you didn't tell anybody else to get hot dogs.
I got 16 dozen in my trunk.
Actually, we need some veggie dogs, Because marcia's a vegetarian.
Kind of an important thing to tell the meat guy.
I hate to say it, pal, but I think you might be in a little over your head here.
Or maybe this is going exactly as planned A party with 7,000 plates and 200 nasty-ass hot dogs.
Mike, you need a party planner, Someone that can take care of the details.
A party planner.
Totally! Dude, you're a life saver.
I'm a what, now? Dude, nobody does organization like you.
let's check in after you get the kegs.
Oh, there's the birthday girl.
Hold on.
Hi, honey.
What just happened? Kenny morittori, party planner extraordinaire.
So now I'm planning a party? I-I'm trying to get kenny's klosets off the ground.
I don't have time for this.
All right, if I'm doing this, that's fine.
Everybody else is gonna have to step up.
Brendan, can you do balloons? I'm on music, dude.
Plus, I got a really important business meeting that I got to Reschedule.
There's a new sheriff in town.
Ha ha! You Buying balloons.
What are you laughing atla w school? Classes don't start for a month.
You're my twinkle-light bitch.
Oh, hey, you guys.
Hey! Hey! Where have you been? I just had breakfast in South bend, Lunch in evanston, afternoon at mount carmel, And then I just got back from wrigley.
I am exhausted.
Guys, give her a little breathing room.
Have a little beer.
Relax.
Ohh.
Thank you.
Gee, what a surprise.
You, here, with a beer in your hand.
No, I just picked this up, I swear! And I'm actually not even sure that's beer.
You got a second? All right, now, listen, nni'gom r That I'm not making to anybody else.
I'm going to the white sox/red sox series In Boston tomorrow.
You come with me.
I'll introduce you around.
Oh, uh, wow, that's, uh, really nice of you.
I actually have a bunch of things lined up this weekend.
I've got this birthday party.
What?! I haven't been to a birthday party since I was 7.
You got to get your priorities straight.
In this job, you're gonna miss birthdays.
Hell, you'll miss births.
Well, actually, that would be a little Look, I am offering you a call-up to the bigs.
You should be living and breathing sports! I do! Well, then Boston's a no-brainer.
Hell, you should have three or four stories About the sox/sox series you could do right now.
Oh.
And what are they? Um Mike Cameron gets a chance To play against the team that drafted him.
Mmfiy wakegoeld is a 44-year-old starter.
And ozzie guillen and Terry francona Have the two filthiest mouths in baseball.
Pack your bags.
See you in Boston.
Thanks for the drink.
And then, this fold makes the beak.
I don't understand why we need 200 origami ducks.
They're cranes.
They're supposed to gckood lu.
Mine looks like a penguin.
Hey, you don't have to explain se d o yo tlfanybur You got a problem, you go through me.
You know, kenny, you think you're throwing yourself Into this whole party-planner role So you don't have to deal with the london issue? It might be easy for you to pick up and leave, but I got roots here.
Plus, this birthday barbecue For my best friend's new girlfriend Is very important to me.
I'll give you $100 if you can tell me marcia's last name.
Wilson.
Sandler.
Handler.
Definitely handler.
Ah, crap! I gotta go.
Hey.
No time! More spelling mistakes.
Got to get to the jewelers! Finally.
You were supposed to be here hours ago.
I am sorry.
I have got like a million things to do for work.
You got a million things to do? I got to plan a whole party Using a skeleton crew acting like amateurs.
We are amateurs.
Take it easy, kenny.
Geez, who made you party planner? Mike.
Kenny's the party planner.
Boy, you have really missed a lot.
And I know you're busy, okay? But how are we doing on that cake? What cake? I swear to God Bobby, you're gonna have to take over the cake.
I stl have to make 40 more penguin-crane things.
Don't look at me, man.
I actually got to go.
I got a meeting with my accountant.
Hey, peej, we're still cool for dinner later, right? Oh, shoot! I have some bad news about that.
I have to pack tonight.
I'm have to go to Boston tomorrow.
What?! You're gonna miss the party?! I have to, all right? If I'm gonna get this dream job, I absolutely have to be in Boston this weekend.
Wow.
Mike's gonna be bummed.
He's so invested in this party.
And I'm bummed 'cause you're gonna leave me here alone with kenny.
And also 'cause I'll miss you.
Believe me, I would much rather be here at a superfun barbecue, But I just need to get this job, And then everything will go back to normal, you know? Will it, though? You'd be on the front page.
Peej, Jack had no life.
I think that's just the job.
Well, I'm not gonna become Jack briscoe.
Unfortunately, there are trade-offs for that kind of success.
Look, that's not gonna happen to me, Because my friends are way too important.
Oh, Bobby, can you tell Mike that I can't come to his party? Aw, man! Seriously?! You can mention it when you drop off the heaters.
All right, look, thanks.
Thksks, anththan.
Ks I gotta go.
I'm so sorry.
Mwah! I got to pack, guys.
I should run, too.
Where are you going? Well, I've got to pack, sort things, shed dead weight.
Ooh, I'm no relationship expert, But I think she's talking about you.
You know, it's not an easy decision to make, Stephanie, okay? First of all, I don't understand the rules to cricket, They don't have ice, they got warm beer, They have bad teeth.
Do you know anything about london That wasn't in a stand-up routine 20 years ago? Plus, they drive on the left side of the road, which isn't right.
You suck! Hey, what are you guys doing here? We hang out here now.
What have I missed? Marcia and I have five kids Mike, Michael Jr.
, Michel, Michelangelo, and joaquin.
I went outside the marriage for joaquin.
We needed a smart one.
Hey, it's Bobby.
Honey.
Are you in a choir? I'm on the supreme court now.
And don't call me "honey.
" she wouldn't like it.
Who? I married Jessica biel when you were out of town.
She's delicious.
Yeah! I'm an editor now.
But still single With a drinking problem? I love my job.
Hey, p.
J.
How'd the triple bypass go? When did my ar t Ugh! P.
J.
, what are you wearing? Oh, great.
Thanks for all the hard work, Brando.
No problem.
Hey! I got all this stuff! He just put some music in an iPod! Big whoop! Bobby, I don't see the heat lamps.
Tell me they're on the way.
There are no heat lamps.
I had to make an executive decision.
It's 85 degrees outside! Calm down, Lisa.
No, I will not! None of you guys appreciate me! I stayed up until 3:00 in the morning Making buttons out of marcia's second-grade picture! Ooh! They're adorable! Way to go, party planner! Thanks.
No, I did it! I made them! Those are warm.
Eat me.
Okay, food's out.
We got to get the beer on ice.
Music? Dr.
Brando's monster marcia mix is ready to rock.
Gonna ease in with a little "panama," And then we're gonna take it to the "break of dawn.
" Wait, where's p.
J.
? Oh, crap.
You had one thing you had to do! Hey, why do you want me to hit you? I've never hit anyone in my whole life! She is coming, though, right? She has to be here.
ActuallyShe's not.
What?! She had a business trip.
hi! Wow! You are way out of the loop! You made it! So glad to see you.
Where were you supposed to be? Boston.
They didn't tell you? Were you really in Boston, Or was that just an elaborate lie To get out of helping Bobby hang a thousand twinkle lights? You hung a thousand little twinkle lights? They've been so mean to me.
So what happened in Boston? I told Jack that I do have my priorities straight, That I do know what's important to me, And, uh, it's not my job.
It's being here with you guys.
So I am.
Hey, can you guys all come outside? We want to propose a toast.
Oh, sure, of course.
Hey, can everybody gather around, please? Come on! Come in, come in! First of all, thank you all so much for coming out To help me celebrate marcia's birthday.
Whoo-hoo! And we invited you all here, our closest friends, Because Well, because, uh, even though it's only been a month, And even though we barely know each other, Tonight We're getting married.
What? What? What? What? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God! And we know what you're thinking "are they out of their minds?" But the truth is, we're old, And we know the difference Between how we feel about each other And everyone else.
But mostly we're old.
So, let's do this! Everybody, come in! Melanie, come here.
Let's do it! High five! I promise to be loving and helpful And not always the dumbest man alive.
And I promise to love and to cherish you Even when u can't help but be.
Now, by the power vested in me By the universal life church and the state of Illinois Wait.
I have to tell you something.
I was married before for two months To a Blackjack dealer named j.
D.
Really? I used to smoke 2 packs a day, 10 years.
Depression runs in my family.
It's possible I have a teenage daughter somewhere in Denmark.
I have a ferret in my house, and I don't know where he is.
Sometimes I wear biking shorts, just to suck everything in a bit.
Okay, I'm good.
Me too.
Let's be husband and wife.
Okay.
Let's drink! So, where'd we end up with the cake? Well Honestly, it was the best one they had at dominick's.
It was either that or a really bad, fake spongebob.
I can't believe they got married! I can't believe Mike was the first one to get married.
I can't believe Mike pulled this off.
I can't believe he has a daughter in Denmark.
Are we gonna talk about that or what? Damn it.
I'm not getting the job.
Aw, babe.
I'm sorry.
You deserved it.
Mm, I don't know about that.
Anyway, if I had gotten it, I would've missed being here, so I'm pretty happy staying right where I am on page 3.
Oh, babe, I am so sorry I haven't been around to help you with everything.
Oh, that's okay.
I learned origami and button-making.
Oh, and, brendan, I know you had something Really important you wanted to talk to me.
I'm so sorry I haven't had time.
Oh, no, it's cool.
I totally worked it out.
And, for the first time, I made a decision without your advice.
It felt pretty good.
That's true.
And so did I.
What do you mean? I've decided that I'm going to london with Steph.
Really? Yeah.
Now that Mike's left the nest, I feel like I can move on with my life.
Oh.
Mmm! Oh, this is so incredibly sad.
It's Saturday night, and it's dark.
Yeah.
End of an era.
Yeah, it would've been nice To have had one last nightcap here, huh? Well, I don't know what's stocked, but What are you doing? Welcome to my new place.
No! What?! What?! I've been wanting to break away from John's for a while, So when crowley told me he was selling the place, I jumped on it.
Had to.
Just made sense.
Well, look at you! Yeah, look at me.
Brando, you saved crowley's.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm gonna paint the whole thing black, Drop in a stage, charge a cover, Fill it with douchebags, but, yeah.
Kidding, kidding.
Come on.
Hey! It's you guys.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! We were walking by.
We saw the lights on! What's going on? Brando bought crowley's.
It's Brando's crowley's.
What?! Dude! All right, can I just say that in my first moments At Brando's crowley's, the service is terrible.
All right, all right.
Who eds? Ooh! Yes, please! Sometimes it takes getting your priorities straight To truly appreciate what you already have.
Cheers, everybody.
Cheers! Cheers! Bring it in, bring it in.