Never Have I Ever (2020) s04e09 Episode Script

1
For those of you
with short-term memory loss,
Devi had just gotten into zero,
that's right, zero colleges.
The shit had hit the fan
and was now all over the room.
What was that scream?
Did another possum come through the vents?
Oh, wait.
- Did you hear back from colleges?
- Ye Yeah.
Okay, well, don't leave me in suspense.
How could Devi tell her mom
that she'd gotten in nowhere?
That she'd completely nuked
her own future?
That her mother's only child
was a capital-F failure?
Kanna, come on. Where did you get in?
Everywhere.
The answer is she wouldn't.
Oh my God!
That's incredible!
Yenna paarve? ♪
I said whatchu lookin' at, boy? ♪
Ada yenna paarve? ♪
Whatchu call dat? ♪
Hi, Akshara, it's Devi Vishwakumar.
I don't know if you saw, but I somehow
was accidentally placed on the wait-list.
Or maybe it was a prank,
in which case I get it,
and I think it's funny, not cruel.
Please call me back.
Devi's head
was like a shanked serve,
spinning hopelessly out of control.
Devi Delishwakumar,
you saucy little genius!
Congratulations!
- What?
- You got into every single Ivy?
Your mom called my mom.
That's unbelievable.
Oh God, the lie was spreading.
But also,
the truth was too painful to say.
You guys, look at us.
Eleanor is basically seconds away
from being a Hollywood star,
and Devi and I
are gonna be roomies at Princeton.
- You still wanna go to Princeton, right?
- Yeah, I do.
I do wanna go to Princeton.
I mean, we've all basically turned into
the people we wanted to be freshman year,
and now tonight, we get to celebrate
at our freakin' senior prom.
How perfect is that?
Oh right, prom.
Devi had looked forward to this night
her entire high school career,
but in typical Devi fashion,
had created too big of a mess to enjoy it.
Right, that is perfect.
Anyway, I gotta run
and talk to Ms. Warner.
But def can't wait for tonight.
Agh! Actually, I gotta jet too.
I'm showing Gears
at the National High School Tech Fair,
and I gotta debug him.
He downloaded a CrossFit video,
and now likes to guess
people's BMIs out loud.
And I also have a lot
of really exciting things going on for me,
so I have to get to all of those.
See you gals tonight!
Hi, Ms. Warner. Wanna talk to me?
Well, I never want to talk to anyone,
but I need to talk to you, young man.
Apparently, you've been skipping classes,
and you haven't turned in any homework
in the last few weeks.
Now what the hell is going on?
I figured since I got into Columbia early,
I could take my brand-new Jordans
off the gas pedal.
Well, then allow me to put
my worn-out Skechers up your backside,
because if you keep this up,
you will fail your classes,
and Columbia will rescind its acceptance.
But Trent said that was a myth.
Trent Harrison?
The thirteenth grader who routinely hangs
his backpack on the fire alarm?
That is who you're taking
academic advice from?
Oh my God.
Oh my God, I have so much work to do.
Hey. What are you doing here?
Oh, just checking in on my friends.
Are you okay?
You seem sad.
And in a real way, not in
a "practicing crying on command" way.
Yeah, well, I saw my mom the other day.
Whoa, you saw your mom?
Did you give her a knuckle sando or what?
No, I'm not angry anymore.
I just kind of feel sorry for her.
I mean, she sacrificed her whole life
for a career that's just not gonna happen.
And I'm worried
the same thing's gonna happen to me.
Are you yanking my nuts right now?
Of course you're gonna make it.
You're the most talented person
in the whole flat world.
Do you know how many really talented
out-of-work actors there are in LA?
And everyone's just crossing their fingers
that some director chooses them.
So then you should become the director.
Pfft!
Wait,
that's actually not a bad idea.
Like, I could learn how to direct
and make my own projects to act in,
like Greta Gerwig,
or several problematic male directors.
Well, actually, I meant
you could bonk a director in the head,
drag them into a closet,
steal their clothes,
then pretend to be them long enough
to give yourself the part.
But your idea is good too.
Well, listen, El-Bell,
I gotta get to class.
I don't wanna be a third-year senior.
But I'm not worried about you.
I stand by what I told you before.
You're a shooting star.
And I'll say it right ♪
I might this time ♪
Ms. Warner, do you know happen to know
if there's a college
that does same-day acceptance,
preferably one that's very prestigious?
Oh no. I take it you stuck to
the "no safety school" plan?
Why did you let me do that?
You should've slapped some sense into me.
Oh, believe me, I wanted to.
I'm sorry, Devi.
Were there at least any wait-lists?
Only Princeton.
I'm such an idiot.
Why did I think
I could get into those schools?
Because you should have.
You're an excellent student.
But those schools have tens of thousands
of applications from excellent students.
So, what do I do now?
Well, you still have that wait-list spot.
You could get in.
But what if I don't get in?
Then you'll just apply again next fall.
It isn't the end of the world.
Yes, it is, Ms. Warner.
It really is.
Fab, we scoped out the other booths,
and they've got nothing on you and Gears.
Really? Oh my God.
You guys, is that Dr. Leela Tye?
Is she one of the judges here?
Who is Leela Tye?
She's the head of Robotics at Howard
and a certified badass.
Oh God, she's coming here.
- Hi. I'm
- Dr. Tye.
I know. I'm Fabiola Torres,
and this is my robot, Gears Brosnan.
Great name.
Tell me a little bit about Gears.
Well, he can detect carbon monoxide,
lift ten times his body weight,
plus he gives
excellent relationship advice.
Relationships are like improv,
not for everybody.
That's cute.
You did not laugh.
I will remember that.
- Wait, is he reacting to me?
- Mm-hmm.
Miss Torres, did you, as a high schooler,
create legitimate artificial intelligence?
Well, I wouldn't call it "artificial."
Gears is truly his authentic self.
That's extremely impressive.
Even more impressive than my self-made
fanny pack charging station?
- Yes.
- Very good. Thank you for your time.
Do you know
where you're going to college yet?
Howard has a cutting-edge
engineering department.
I know, uh,
which is actually why I applied there.
Well, I'm sure you've no shortage
of schools to choose from,
but part of what drew me to Howard
is their mission to make the field
of robotics a more inclusive space.
Oh my God.
That's what I've been trying to do
with my team at school.
When I became captain,
it was pretty much all fanny-pack guys,
but we've come a long way since,
and the lab smells so much better now.
I bet it does.
Look, at the risk
of coming on too strong here,
if you are planning to attend Howard,
there's an opening in my lab.
I'm always interested
in mentoring new talent,
and I think you'd fit right in.
Really? Me?
Yes, you.
Listen, I have to keep doing
my rounds here,
but I truly hope to see you in the fall.
Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
There's a lot of heat
on Fab and Gears right now.
I'm sorry. Excuse him,
I have to turn down his confidence level.
Uh-oh.
Better call the fire department
because someone just felt
a collegiate spark.
Devi left Ms. Warner's office
feeling lower than Trent's ponytail.
She had royally tanked her own future,
and she would have to tell
her mother the truth.
What could be worse than that?
Everyone,
congratulate Devi Vishwakumar.
I just heard she's been accepted
to every single Ivy League school.
Dress up on Monday
because I'm calling all the news outlets.
Okay, yeah, that was worse.
Yo, D, I just heard. That's so sick.
David?
You okay?
Uh, hi.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'd probably barf too
if I got a clean sweep.
Congratulations. It's insane.
Yeah, "insane" is the right word for it.
What are you doing in here?
Oh. I kind of got a case of senioritis
and sort of stopped doing my work,
so Ms. Warner put me on probation.
I'm not allowed to go to prom,
and I have to sit here and catch up
so that Columbia
doesn't take back my acceptance.
What?
How could you carelessly throw away
such a precious opportunity?
Do you know how many people would kill
to be in your position?
Jeez, I know. I'm sorry.
I'm fixing it right now.
You gonna hit me?
No.
Do you want some help?
Really? You'd rather sit here
and do calculus
than celebrate out there
with all your fans?
Okay, don't question me.
Just accept the help.
Devi had hidden out
the rest of the school day
doing Ben's homework,
and now she was home,
supposedly getting ready
for the most magical night of her life.
Or not.
- Hello.
- Hey, Devi.
It's Akshara from Princeton.
I'm so sorry to take so long
to get back to you.
I've had to make
a lot of these calls today.
Okay. So, what's the deal
with the wait-list then?
Is it like a "thoughts and prayers"
kind of situation,
or is there a routing number
you wanna slide my way?
Unfortunately, your best chance
is to fill out the supplemental essay.
That's it? Write another essay?
But what can I say
that I haven't already said?
I think you could say more.
Your first essay was
It was very well written.
It was very academic.
It had multiple uses
of the word "dichotomy."
- But it didn't really show me who you are.
- But you know who I am.
I call you every week.
You're the only one that knows
that one of my teeth is fake.
Yeah, that's all true,
but I wanna know why you are who you are.
If I could give you
one piece of advice for this essay
dig a little deeper.
And if I do that,
then what are my chances?
Well, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you.
We don't take a lot of people
off the wait-list,
but it's not a zero percent chance,
so it's worth a shot, right?
And I know whatever happens,
wherever you go,
you have a bright future ahead of you.
Yeah.
Sure.
Bye, Akshara.
Whoa. Kanna, you look stunning.
Thanks.
Mom, I need to tell you something.
I actually wanted to talk to you too.
Um
You know,
I was just thinking
about this amazing achievement of yours,
and, uh,
on your very special night
and I started to think about when
your dad asked me to move here.
And, uh, you know, at first I
I didn't want to.
I mean, we seriously struggled.
But then I look at you right now,
like, so beautiful, and
so accomplished,
and it just makes
all the hardship worth it.
That's all, ma.
Devi already felt pretty low
before this conversation,
but now she was somewhere
around the Earth's core.
Okay then, hurry up.
Your friends are waiting outside in
a very tacky limo.
Welcome, everybody.
It is an honor to be driving you tonight.
My name is Stoo,
spelled the usual way, S-T-O-O.
So sit back, relax,
and enjoy the refreshments
left by the people
I drove to Vegas last night.
Is that vodka? Hell yeah.
Wow, can you believe our girls
are heading off to their senior prom?
And happy to just go
with each other as dates?
That shows real maturity from them,
which they would notice
if they weren't all secretly struggling
with their own inner demons.
Hey, Devi.
Since we're heading off to a milestone,
just thinking about milestones to come,
and I was wondering how important it is
that I be your roommate at Princeton.
Uh, what?
Yeah, super important.
Samesies.
I also want that,
which is why it's good it's happening.
Could I also get some vodka?
Wow, gals, straight vodka?
Well, let's partay.
Driver, take the scenic route.
You got it.
Let's take this baby up a mountain.
Whoo!
Whoo!
Devi, come on. Come here.
You guys, on this,
the most sacred night of high school,
I just wanna say
how proud I am of you two,
winning tech fairs
and getting clean sweeps.
So here's to your futures.
They're bright as hell! Whoo!
Whoo!
Oh God!
Ahh!
Hey, this is Stoo,
the limo driver up front.
Uh, is any anybody dead?
Oh my God, Devi, are you hurt?
I didn't get into college.
What?
I didn't get in anywhere.
Hey, you girls okay?
Might be best if you don't sleep
for a coupla days,
in case you get the brain bleeds.
Thanks for the tip.
So, what do we do about the flat?
Is there, like, a spare?
Oh, uh, full disclosure,
that was the spare.
Yeah, I got into a nasty accident
this morning too.
There's no service up here.
Yeah, um, looks like one of us
is gonna have to go down to Pep Boys
to get a new tire.
Fine, I'll do it.
But just so you know, technically,
this is also formal wear,
Just so you know.
Jeez.
Wanna talk about it?
Maybe bring out the vodka?
On it.
Pax, thanks again for volunteering,
and for proving
that the faculty prom committee
isn't just for teachers
who weren't invited to their own proms.
Yeah, sure.
Unfortunately, the only job
that hasn't been claimed is bathroom duty.
What? Come on, man.
I'm sorry. All you have to do is make sure
nobody's drinking or smoking in there.
And I can't do it because the students
think of me as their cool peer.
But look you won't be alone.
You're everything I want ♪
For the first time
in his beautiful life,
Paxton was on the receiving end
of a slo-mo entrance,
and my God was it good.
Everything I want ♪
Hi.
You look nice.
Thank you. So do you.
Well, I guess we're officially
low-status again.
Speak for yourself.
I've never been low-status in my
Right.
I am so sorry, guys.
I didn't mean for this lie to get around.
I just didn't wanna tell my mom the truth.
It's okay. We get it.
I should probably tell Principal Grubbs
before she books me on The Today Show.
God, why do I have to be a psycho
all the time?
I like your psycho side.
It makes things interesting.
Yeah, sure.
I'm really sorry
we're not gonna be roommates, Fab.
Actually, I've been trying
to figure out a way to tell you
that I don't wanna go to Princeton.
- What?
- I wanna go to Howard.
- That's awesome.
- You think so?
Yeah.
I'm really happy for you.
So, what are you gonna do, Devi?
I'm supposed to write this essay
to get myself off the wait-list,
but the admissions officer basically said
that my chances are slim to none.
Well, at least you two are killing it.
Yeah, right. I'm not killing it.
I haven't booked a part
with a single line yet.
But it's okay because I'm gonna take
some directing classes.
Trent gave me the idea.
Hold up. You're talking to Trent?
It's not a big deal.
El, it's so obvious.
You love Trent.
You should tell him.
Hey, ladies,
I I finally made it down the hill.
Only fell two times.
Um, but we're gonna have to tow the limo.
Yeah, and we're gonna take you
to the prom in this truck.
Could you just take us home?
I'd actually like to go
to someone else's home.
About time.
I ordered that Peanut Buster Parfait two
Eleanors ago?
Hi.
Sorry I don't have
a Peanut Buster Parfait for you.
I actually came here Uh
Are you okay?
You look like you've seen a goat.
- Do you mean a ghost?
- No.
Okay.
Well, I came here
because there's a lot of uncertainty
in life, right?
I mean, like,
tonight, I got into a limo crash,
and then I found out that Devi,
our best student,
didn't actually get into a single college.
Wait, what?
Oh, uh, hi.
Oh, sorry,
I forgot to mention I had company.
Eleanor, I want you to meet Ben.
What do you mean Devi didn't get into
a single college? She got a clean sweep.
Actually, she got the opposite.
Is she okay?
Hey, Ben, why don't you read the doorway?
Eleanor's dressed like a mermaid
and seems to be ramping up
to something good.
Yeah, sure. Sorry.
Okay, he's gone.
Please continue your ramp.
I was trying to say that even though
there's all this uncertainty,
I'm certain about one thing.
I wanna be with you.
Yes! That's what I was hoping
you were gonna say.
And you mean romantically, right?
Not like as a team for The Amazing Race?
Yes, romantically.
I'm just a sucker for a happy ending ♪
Okay, Shrimp, I don't think you need
a bundled-up sweatshirt
to go to the bathroom.
- You don't know how I shit.
- Shrimp.
Thank you.
So, what'd we get this time?
- Um, Laffy Taffy schnapps.
- Wow.
- That's new.
- All right.
This is exactly why
I got into the teaching game.
Yeah.
I mean, we really are shaping the future
one flush at a time.
I am curious though.
Why did you decide to become a teacher?
Well, uh, when I was in high school,
my parents were going through
a pretty messy divorce,
and my grades started to slip.
But there was this one teacher
who would not let me fail.
I mean, it sounds corny,
but I wanna change
someone's life like that.
That's not corny at all.
I think it's awesome.
Well, it sounds like you already had
one of those moments.
Um
I heard what you did for Eric
on the swim team.
Oh, come on. I barely did anything.
I just blew a whistle
and told him not to drown.
Well for what it's worth,
I feel you could do this for real
if you wanted to.
It did feel good helping him.
I wouldn't mind doing that for a living.
And there are other things
about this job that are pretty great.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Would you ever wanna hang out?
Like further away from the bathroom maybe?
Sure.
That sounds nice.
Yo, uh, we need help.
Brody was trying to smoke some salmon,
but then he got stuck in a window.
Okay.
Come on.
Ben?
Jesus.
That's how Paxton used to come in?
That's freakin' treacherous.
There's nothing to hold on to
except a razor-sharp trellis.
Huh. Always seemed pretty easy for him.
- Great.
- So what are you doing here?
Well, I heard about
your college situation.
Pretty pathetic, huh?
No, it's not pathetic.
Mmm, yeah, it is.
Being rejected and wait-listed
by everywhere you applied
is, like, the definition of pathetic, so
You were wait-listed somewhere?
Yeah, Princeton.
- So you still have a shot.
- No, I don't.
They want me to do another essay,
and I'm not going to.
What? Are you out of your mind?
No, I'm not wasting my time, and I'm done.
I'll just apply again next fall.
Look, Devi, you are many things.
A, uh A maniac, a liar,
a heavy sweater, a reckless driver
- Hey, this is very hurtful.
- But you're not a quitter.
Well it's not gonna make a difference
because I have no chance
of getting in anyway.
Look, if anyone gets how badly
you wanted to go to Princeton
and how much you killed yourself
to try to make that happen, it's me.
I mean, if I were you right now,
I'd want someone to put me
in like a medically-induced coma.
Yeah, I would like that.
But if you don't try everything
that you can, you're gonna regret it.
Hey, Ben?
Yeah.
I'm sorry I called you mean
when Margot was over.
You're actually
very nice to come over
and try and cheer me up.
Did it work?
Not really.
Hmm.
But I will
write that essay.
You know, when you called me mean
the other night,
it didn't really bother me.
But the thing
that keeps replaying in my brain is
when you reminded me that I'm the one
who said that we shouldn't be together.
M Maybe I was wrong, David.
I'll be dreaming of you tonight ♪
I love you when I see you smile ♪
I love you when I see you smile ♪
What were you thinking?
Mom, it's not what it looks like.
Nothing happened between us.
See? We're both fully clothed.
What?
Oh, Ben.
I thought he was one of your dolls.
But now that I do see you,
get out of here.
Ms. Warner just called me this morning.
You got into zero colleges,
and then on top of it,
you you lied to me?
Okay, I I know I just I couldn't
You couldn't what? I I let you
take charge of your own college process
because for some strange reason
I thought you'd be sensible.
What were you thinking
only applying to Ivies?
I mean, how could you be so stupid?
I didn't mean stupid. I just I meant
Yes, you did.
And you're right. I am.
I am so sorry you moved
all the way from India for nothing.
- Devi
- Can I just please be alone?
Okay.
So you're graduating
pretty soon. That's exciting.
- Is it?
- For me, it is.
Now I don't have to hear about the weird
social politics in orchestra anymore.
Thought you liked when I talked
about how bitchy the woodwinds were.
Yeah, I kind of do.
What's going on? Why you look so down?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe because I'm a complete,
gigantic failure.
What are you talking about?
You're not a failure.
How?
Like, what's your scale?
Loser to trash can?
When I first met you,
you were a closed-off, angry little thing.
You didn't wanna get in touch
with your feelings,
your pain, your trauma.
All you wanted to do is break stuff.
Hell, I had to start putting
all my ceramics away before you came in.
- Sorry.
- But look at you.
Look how far you've come.
You faced your trauma,
and you came out on the other side.
And I'm sorry to get a little emotional,
but there were some times there
when I was really worried
about you, miss girl.
Look at you today.
I am so proud of you.
You survived, baby.
You're a survivor.
You really mean that?
This little college thing,
this is just a bump in the road
compared to everything
you've already overcome.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
Thank you, Dr. Ryan.
And thank you for helping me.
And I'm sorry about your vase.
That's all right.
That one was a little ugly anyways.
Arizona State Admissions.
How may I direct your call?
Hi. My name is Paxton Hall-Yoshida.
I was enrolled
at the beginning of the year,
and I ended up dropping out,
but now I was kind of thinking
I wanna come back
and transfer
to the undergraduate Teachers College
Sir, I don't need
your whole life story, okay?
Oh, sorry.
Let me connect you
with Undergraduate Admissions.
Okay.
And congrats
on being a Sun Devil again.
Th Thank you. Thanks.
After talking to Dr. Ryan,
Devi knew exactly
what this essay needed to say.
A long time ago, someone told me
to write my college essay about my father.
But I didn't want to
because it felt exploitative and wrong.
However, I don't think there's a way
to really know me
without knowing about him.
I should back up and tell you
that my father died
my freshman year of high school,
and he died right in front of me
at an orchestra concert.
I was 15 years old,
and I watched the person
I loved most in the world
disappear right before my eyes.
But I don't want to focus on his death.
It was how he lived that really shaped me.
He was a person who had unending joy
and optimism about the world.
Princeton was actually a dream
he and I came up with together.
I think I've so fiercely held on
to Princeton
so that I could keep holding on to him.
Land between two rivers.
But if you don't accept me,
I'll be okay because I can't lose him.
He's always with me.
But if you do happen
to find a spot for me,
I promise I won't take
a second of it for granted
because I'd be living that dream
not just for me alone.