The A-Team (1983) s04e09 Episode Script
Mind Games
1 The Government of the United States of America has issued a pardon for Lieutenant Templeton Peck.
(Hannibal) Congratulations, Lieutenant.
You're a free man.
Yeah, we really gonna miss you, Face.
Why can't I be the new scrounger? Don't try and be me, Murdock.
I mean, it'll just get you in trouble.
[yelling.]
I think we've lost Face.
I have waited for this moment for 15 years.
Oh, boy.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
(male announcer) Please stand by.
We have an important announcement regarding the A-Team.
We switch you now to the briefing room at the Pentagon where Colonel Donald Davis is making an official announcement.
The Government of the United States of America has issued a pardon for Lieutenant Templeton Peck [people chattering.]
Who was formerly sought in connection with war crimes against the Government of Vietnam.
Through testimony delivered by Colonel Harvey Miller an aide in the General Headquarters of the IOG Battalion it has been learned that Lieutenant Peck was not involved with the crimes committed by The A-Team.
(male announcer on radio) The surprise announcement was made at the Pentagon briefing room at 2:00 Eastern Standard Time.
Colonel Harvey Miller stated in sworn testimony before the Adjutant General in Los Angeles that he had witnessed the events surrounding the capture of the A-Team and that Lieutenant Peck had simply been a passenger on a transport plane that led the A- on their mission.
Colonel Miller will make a statement on Meet the Press later today.
[exclaiming.]
What can I say, guys? [Face exclaiming.]
(Sever) Why now, Colonel? Why wait until now to release the information? There were circumstances surrounding that mission that were highly confidential and have just recently been de-classified.
(Face) I like this guy.
Don't remember him, but I like him.
You don't remember Harvey Miller, that skinny little loot from GHQ who used to sell the black market video tapes? No, Murdoch.
That was a little red-headed guy.
Does it bother anybody that this bald-headed bird Colonel is flat lying? Face was assigned to us.
He was second in command and Supply Officer.
You know, I think that's subject to interpretation, you know? I mean, okay, sure, I was a passenger on that plane.
But you was assigned to us, Face.
Well, technically maybe.
Face, you scammed the rocket launchers.
The important thing here is that Colonel Miller thinks I was there by mistake.
The important thing is, guys that I am getting pardoned.
Or set up.
Come on, this is my chance to go out into the world and use my heaven-sent gift of gab to accumulate all these shallow, purposeless toys that mankind lusts for.
All right.
I'll call my lawyer, Jerry Eckworth.
He's one of the great legal snakes in entertainment law.
I mean I'll have him check into this pardon and make sure it's legit.
No, I'm sure it's legit.
I'm due for a break.
Overdue, actually.
Mr.
Eckworth, please.
Hannibal Smith.
Come on, guys.
Cheer up.
I mean, it's not like I'm leaving you.
Okay, sure I won't have the fun of galloping through mud holes and getting shot at but I'll be with you in spirit.
Yeah, we really gonna miss you, Face.
Face, who's gonna run our scamolas? Who's gonna lie to the girl to get us the free airplane? [Face laughing.]
Not that we ever used them, big guy but they were always there in case we needed them.
Face, if you've got a way out of this mess we're all in, I'm all for it.
But, I don't want anyone on this team getting suckered out into the open and then captured.
You know, Hannibal, if Faceman does leave-- I'm not leaving, Murdock.
I'm just gonna be our agent on the surface, that's all.
As I was saying, if Faceman does leave why can't I be the new scrounger? You know, new hair, swank new threads.
I could drive the Vette-- Excuse me, Murdock, the Vette goes with me.
Oh, Hannibal.
Hello, Jerry.
This is Hannibal.
Yeah, we just heard.
Would you check this deal out for us? How can they pardon that lying, stealing, piece of spit? He shoots at my men robs our ordnance and now he's gonna be laughing in our faces! (Case) What're you gonna do, General Fulbright? Decker tried for two years and couldn't catch them.
Decker was soft.
Decker was never fully committed to the capture of these men! That's why Decker is now on his rusty-dusty in Bangor in Maine.
There's a big difference between me and him, Sergeant.
And you and the other men in this outfit are gonna find it out very quickly.
Fix the emblem on your collar.
And then you listen up.
When Peck hits the streets I'm gonna be on him like stink on a boot.
Where he goes, I go.
What he does, I do.
And if the A-Team tries to make contact with him we're gonna take them all.
Fulbright's law, Sergeant never wait.
Attack.
[Face scatting.]
(Face) Well, I'm ready.
Faceman emerges to face an unsuspecting world.
Face, we all know there's something wrong here.
No.
There's a reason all this is happening that we don't know.
We gotta be careful.
Now take it slow.
No, I don't want you guys following me.
Okay? I can take care of myself.
Besides, that's just what Decker would expect.
It'd be dangerous.
Faceman you have any last minute words of advice for me before I fill your able but slimy shoes? Slimy shoes? For I will steal.
I will lie.
I will seduce my way down the path that you have shown me.
He couldn't scam yesterday's garbage.
Oh, yeah? Well, you just watch.
With my new clothes and my HEW manners and especially my new hair! I will thrill and amaze us all.
I don't like the sound of that.
[sighing.]
Gee, I feel like I'm running out on you guys.
Yeah? But you have to understand.
This is a pardon.
It's my chance to start a new life.
Face any of us would grab the chance.
B.
A you take care of these bums, huh? [groaning.]
I'll do it, man.
And you be careful.
All right, I will.
Well I'll see you, guy.
[mimicking Face.]
Well I'll see you, guy.
Don't try and be me, Murdock.
I mean, it'll just get you in trouble.
Faceman, we all got to have our idols.
So, now it's just time for yours truly to step up and be initiated.
How about it? Oh, it's nice, but I'd still prefer a tall blonde.
(Hannibal) Come on, Face.
I'll drop you off.
Oh, I wouldn't do that, Hannibal.
See, I'm supposed to pick my pardon up at the government building.
So And Decker'll probably be there and [sighing.]
Well, I called a cab.
So stay in touch.
[sighing.]
He's walking into something.
I know it.
Have you contacted our people on the street? They have been alerted.
But it is our feeling that this man will be under constant government surveillance.
At first, then, he will be hard to locate.
He will be cautious, unsure of his freedom-- You will find him.
No amount of money is too much.
He robbed me of my only real valuable possession in life.
You will find him and bring him to me.
Do you understand? Lieutenant Peck.
Charlene Cross, LA Dispatch.
Were you surprised by Colonel Miller's announcement? [reporters chattering.]
Well, Charlie Well it's not Lieutenant anymore.
You know, it's just plain, old Templeton Peck.
You know, private citizen.
Hi, there.
Are you with the peacock? Toni Somerset, NBC News.
How do you feel about the allegations that you ran a large illegal club for officers and enlisted men called the DMZ Tennis and Racquetball Club? I just felt that the fighting man needed some recreation.
So, I I poured a few tennis courts and put in some racquetball had the Seabees dig a swimming pool.
Yes, and, well, I It wasn't the Bel Air Sports Connection but it got us through some very tough times.
Well, look, I'd like to stand here and answer your questions but, well, I think there's an Adjutant General inside with a piece of paper that I've been looking for, for 12 years.
[all laughing.]
Well, thank you all.
Look, I'll have a formal press conference later at the hotel and we'll do this right.
You know, champagne, finger sandwiches.
The whole ball of wax.
All right? Ciao, thank you.
You having nice day, Peck.
Who are you? Fulbright General Harlan Fulbright.
"Bull" Fulbright.
The The terror of Toledo.
Well, well, well and what are you doing here, General? I'm here to squash you and all the slime you run around with.
You see, I know who you really are.
A war hero unjustly charged with crimes he didn't commit.
Not even close.
You're garbage that got wrapped up in a nice package.
Get out of my way, General.
Or I will have a writ of harassment on your desk before the sun goes down.
Well, well.
E.
G.
Fowler, with Limelight Management Incorporated.
I'd like to represent you (Carlton) Excuse me.
if you aren't already spoken for.
Cary Carlton, Atlanta Affiliate.
Could we do a little standup piece right here? Come on, Cary.
No.
We can't favor one affiliate.
Just something short.
(Fowler) Don't worry, you'll get your chance.
Call my office.
Oh, sorry, guys, you heard the lady and I take my orders like a man.
[reporters chattering.]
Wow, you're pretty good.
Look, PR people are gonna be coming at you in assault waves.
Now, here is my deal.
$2,500 a week.
Expenses are split.
I know you're probably short of cash now.
So I'll do the first week on account.
By then, if I've done my job you'll have book advances and TV appearance money and maybe even the film rights sold.
What did you say your name was, again? E.
G.
Fowler.
Well, E.
G.
, throw in a dinner for a hungry boy and you got yourself a deal.
(aide) Lieutenant Peck this way, please.
The Governor is waiting.
[muttering.]
(Hannibal) Listen to this.
"On his career in Vietnam "Lieutenant Peck stated "that his entrepreneurial interests "tended to overshadow his military accomplishments.
"He and the ordinary members of his team--" That's us, his team.
I love it.
"took several enemy positions "deemed impossible to capture "by high-ranking brass.
"His sure-footed leadership under fire, Peck stated "helped to bring the team back alive.
" Hey, Hannibal, what was you doing when all this was happening? I guess I was having cocktails at Face's tennis club.
[Hannibal exclaiming.]
Listen "Peck is currently negotiating with several publishers "and motion picture studios "for the rights to his new book âPecking Away at the System.
â Catchy title.
Gee, if they make a movie of it, I wonder who they'd get to play me.
You know, Hannibal, the way things are going you might not even be mentioned in the movie.
[car horn honking.]
Is that Murdock? [sighing.]
Gosh, Hannibal, I I was with this bilingual primo foxette.
We were making ten with a bullet and I had to drop everything! Pile into the Vette and race across town.
I mean, couldn't it wait? Oh, brother.
Brothers are your bag, not me.
I'm into sisters and their mothers, if they're under 40.
Why don't you cut it out, fool.
I've had enough of this.
My name is not fool.
lam the Hunk Man.
You got it, boys and girls? The Hunker.
Look at that Vette over there.
Why, it fits me like [stuttering.]
a pair of argyle socks.
I mean, I love it.
This is what life is supposed to be about.
It's coming apart, Hannibal.
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
[Murdock sighing.]
[mumbling.]
[sighing.]
I don't know, E.
G.
It's It's like a whole new world opening up to me.
Well, if we do this right, it should only be the beginning.
You do seem to have a natural charm with the press.
But, Face, I really must-- Let's drop that moniker.
Now Templeton is the name.
Actually your name originally was Alvin Brenner.
Then you had it legally changed to Al Brennan then to Al Peck.
Then to Holmes Morrison, then to Morrison Holmes and then to Templeton Peck.
Where did you get this? From the writer I hired.
He did extensive background research.
He's waiting to hear from you.
He's got the first three chapters ready and they are going to be delivered tonight.
We promised the publisher we'd have the book done in two weeks to cash in on this peak publicity.
Look let's slough all this stuff about the aliases.
What's in a name? Funny question coming from a guy who's had so many.
What do you want to do about this children's workshop booking? Chuck-a-Luck the Chicken wants you as a guest on his show.
Barnyard Ballyhoo.
Let's book it.
I like the big chicken.
He's got panache.
Besides, it'll be good for my two to eleven demographics.
You know, for a talker, you're remarkably sexy.
I generally find talkers very boring.
Well, I also have a quiet, thoughtful side.
I love poetry.
I'm a very good dancer and I can quote romantic passages from Shakespeare, Bacon Faulkner and Lord Byron.
(Murdock) Bet you're asking yourself right now who is this great looking guy? And how can I talk him into taking me out? [stuttering.]
Well, that's right.
I'm the guy of your dreams.
I mean, I bet you noticed me getting out of that fancy new Vette over there.
Right? I mean, I love fish especially the whales.
I belong to Greenpeace the Cousteau Society, Save the Whales.
I mean, the ocean.
That's where it's happening.
So, how about an egg salad sandwich, two jellyrolls and a Twinkie six-pack to go? Oh, you have to go.
I can dig it.
[stammering.]
Well, I Yeah, I'll catch you on the flip side.
Don't know what I did wrong.
Where's our breakfast, Hunk? We were hitting it off but she got an emergency call.
You came on to her, and she took off with our breakfast.
That is a very narrow [car tires screeching.]
and selfish interpretation.
(Hannibal) Okay, let's go guys.
There's Face.
I'll catch you on the No, I already said that.
This is getting to be tiresome.
Hey, Hannibal, you think somebody'll try to do something to Faceman? We've got nothing else to do.
I wanna be sure he's gonna be okay.
Press breakfast.
Look I hope we're not fooling around with local press here.
No, no.
I'd rather stick with the networks.
You know, A.
P.
, UPI The Unified News Bureau.
You don't want to let this fame and celebrity go to your head, Templeton.
Me? Come on, E.
G I'm just people.
I'm just plain folks.
You know, maybe we should duck Chuck-A-Luck.
I don't know.
There's something about sitting around, talking with a chicken.
You know, it may not be the class image that we're going for.
Ranger One to Ranger Five.
They just passed us, heading east.
Black van with the red stripe is right on them.
No sign of the red Vette.
Okay, pick off the black van.
We doth want them.
Got it.
Converge and apprehend.
(Hannibal) Don't let them get away, B.
A.
City drivers.
It's frightening.
I could get killed just as I become a hot property.
I gotta be careful.
Come outwith your hands up or we'll open fire! [guns cocking.]
When your timing goes, seems like nothing goes right.
(B.
A.
) Yeah, I think they got us, Hannibal.
Wanna go see what they got for lunch.
Oh, we're in real trouble now, boys and girls.
Take off the blindfolds.
Piece of advice.
Don't mess around in something that isn't your business.
Now, that's great advice.
I'll take it.
Is there anything else, or did you just kidnap us to be sure we'd listen up? Sit on them.
I don't want these two in the play.
[gun firing.]
Let's use our little thumbs and our forefingers and get those weapons out now! All right, you with the beard off with the cuffs.
Murdock, for the first time, I'm glad to see you.
That's Hunk or Hunk Man to you.
Hannibal, there are still two guys outside.
I suggest, we depart quickly.
[guns firing.]
(Hannibal) John Jones.
Height, 5'11", 175 pounds.
Weight medium, complexion medium, everything medium.
Well, it's Mr.
National Average.
You know, but I hate to state the obvious, Hannibal but you don't get haircuts like that at Chez David.
Right, Murdock.
They're government spooks, it's a fake John Jones.
Nobody is called John Jones.
You know, that house we were at was for sale.
Limelight Homes.
We'll give them a ring.
See if they gave the key to anybody.
Doesn't Face's PR lady work for a firm called Limelight Management? Well, it could be a coincidence.
Just government economy.
They may only have one stencil.
Let's give Limelight Management a ring and see what we come up with.
Yes, information.
That's right.
Yeah, I got it.
Say, information while I got you on the line here I mean, you sound like a groovy chickla and I'm a six-foot, square-jawed bundle of fun.
I got a Vette, it's hot.
I like to talk about whales.
I like sushi and sharing.
Perhaps, I could squeeze you into my date-filled calendar book.
Shall we say, Friday? Eight-- [dial tone droning.]
[sighing.]
Must have got cut off.
She hung up on you.
You insulting these women.
Well as we say in the better health clubs of the West side "Ask not, get not.
" Murdock, better give me the number, I'll make the call.
Hannibal, please.
I can do this.
I really can.
You'd let Faceman do it, why not Hunk Man? Because you will mess it up.
But I can do voices just like Faceman.
I can do Sylvester the Cat.
[mimicking Sylvester.]
Listen here, sweetheart this pussycat knows where his fur is parted.
I can do Bullwinkle.
[mimicking Bullwinkle.]
Oh, look, I'm knee-deep in pretzels, poopie.
I can do Henry Kissinger.
[mimicking Henry Kissinger.]
Hello, this is Henry Kissinger.
That might work.
Try it.
(Vaughn) Yeah? Sir, it's Henry Kissinger.
He wants to talk to Templeton Peck.
Yes, who is this please? [mimicking Henry Kissinger.]
Well, I was just getting ready to ask you the same question.
However, this is Henry Kissinger.
Mr.
Kissinger.
Hi, this is David Vaughn.
I don't know if you remember me but we met at the Central Intelligence Agency bomb briefings in '67.
Yes.
David.
What a great pleasure it is to be speaking to you and I wonder if you could help me with a problem.
I have desperately been trying to locate Templeton Peck.
I would like to invite him to a Friars Club roast in his honor.
Well he's busy all afternoon doing political interviews.
Can't he call you? [mumbling.]
Well, I am at the VIP lounge at the [mimicking sound of aircraft.]
What was that? I'm sorry.
Excuse me, I didn't get that.
Well, you could try him at the Vine Street Studio.
He's has an interview there this afternoon.
Oh, thank you very much, David for all of your courtesy.
So remember, Nancy Ramsey says hizy-wizy.
Well, hi back to her.
Good.
Good.
Good.
It's CIA.
It figures.
Where's Face? He's at the Vine Street Studio.
Some kind of big political interview.
(Face) That's right, Chuck-A-Luck, it was tough.
But, you know, when things are tough sometimes it makes you a better man.
[mimicking a chicken.]
Boy, that's really interesting, Faceman.
My barnyard friends were telling me just the other day that when they were accused of something they didn't do it was really tough because they got very angry.
Thanks, Faceman.
We'll be right back.
[clucking.]
[whispering.]
Face.
Face.
Oh, hi.
We're right in the middle of an interview.
That's it for me.
Thank you, very much.
[Chuck-a-Luck in man's voice.]
I'm out of here for lunch, cowboy.
Great guy, huh? Or bird, or whatever.
[mimicking Face.]
Yeah, he asked some very interesting questions.
You know, some of these interviewers, they're so boring.
All they wanna know about is all your heroic exploits.
Face can you let the air out of your head for a minute and listen to us? Yeah.
We were just picked up by a squad of guys in gray civvies who took us to a garage in the valley.
(Hannibal) Now, they didn't want to bust us.
They just wanted to keep us out of the way.
Something's going down and you are in the center of it.
I appreciate the concern.
You know, the CIA, they probably wanna keep an eye on me.
Why? Don't make no sense to me.
Yeah, well, none of this makes much sense, B.
A but sure is fun.
Gee, guys, things are going so great, I mean if you only knew what it was like.
I mean, people want my autograph.
Everywhere I go people, they wanna know what I think about stuff.
Like that big chicken there.
Right.
Right, like him.
Yeah.
And, oh the women.
The women! See E.
G.
, she's winding up some stuff.
I'd be careful about her, Face.
Of E.
G.
? Are you kidding? I mean, she set this all up.
We're gonna have to charter a jet.
Just to get to all the gigs.
"L knew my buddies wouldn't make it without me.
"The Delta was clogged with VC "and, armed only with my knife and my wits, I went back--" Yeah, that's right.
Well, it's-- (Hannibal) When was that, Face? Oh, well, this That's just the first draft, you see.
Yeah, I haven't had a chance to rewrite it yet.
I mean, things are happening so fast.
And this writer he exaggerates everything.
Of course, if we're going to get Bob to play me.
You know, we're gonna have to center it on the Faceman character slightly.
Bob who? Redford.
And who plays me, Face? You? Oh, well your character's been scaled down slightly, Hannibal.
You're not in it, Hannibal.
(Face) Of course, he's in it, B.
A.
He's just not what we call a focal character.
See? Now, look, guys my schedule is really pressing.
So, if you'll just-- Face.
You've gotta get off this ego trip, Lieutenant.
You're in danger.
Right, I'm in danger of missing my 3:00.
Oh, come on, guys, what could happen to me? I mean, I have people around me every second of the day.
And believe me, Hannibal, I am very good at security.
All my antennae are out.
Now, look, guys, I gotta go.
Really, gotta go.
Thanks for stopping by.
Really.
Looking great, Murdock.
Oh, and I'll send you all autographed copies of the book.
You know, and don't worry about that little piece of nonsense that B.
A.
read.
I'll straighten that dippy writer out.
Really.
Trust me.
Ciao.
Ciao.
[sighing.]
Boy, is he on an ego trip.
But we're all gonna get autographed copies of his book, guys.
[guns firing.]
[screaming.]
[grunts.]
[gun firing.]
[guns firing.]
[guns firing.]
No numbers.
We should have stayed closer to him whether he wanted us or not.
I'd like to see your Chief Executive Officer, please.
I'm interested in looking at all the parcels of land you represent on the west side of town of $5 million and up.
You'd need to speak to Mr.
Gilbert.
Who should I say is calling? Hugh Howland.
Hugh Howland Industries.
Thank you.
(Hannibal) Well you must be Mr.
Gilbert.
That's right.
How can I help you, Mr.
Howland? Well, I buy properties.
Large parcels of property.
Up to 100 acres.
We're the hotel people, you know.
Well, this is a nice, little shop you got here, Mr.
Gilbert.
You got a first name? Sir, I'm afraid we don't handle large tracts.
Oh.
What do you handle? Well, we work on a build-to-suit basis.
Working for-- Build-to-suit? Working for clients who have special needs generally small manufacturing.
Excuse me, sir.
Wait a minute.
Where you going? Is there something wrong? Well, I was just trying to tell you that I think you should go to a traditional real estate company.
We just don't handle that kind of property.
Well, what do you handle? Maybe I could buy some.
You got any good residential? Always got my eye out for prime residential.
Look, Mr.
Howland, we're not doing residential real estate, either.
It's factories built-to-suit.
Like I said, it's all very specialized.
Well, goodbye, son.
Good luck and cheer up.
This is the place.
David Vaughn is in there along with a couple of others we know.
It is not a real estate office.
It is a front.
What do you want from the old Hunker? Nothing right now.
We're gonna wait till Mr.
Vaughn goes somewhere he won't be disturbed and then we're gonna pay him a visit.
Yeah.
Are we all set up out at this farm in Valencia? Yeah.
They've still got Peck out there but Chow hasn't shown up.
Keep a chopper ready.
If Chow dies in the shootout, it's not gonna break my heart.
And what about Peck? He's nothing but the cheese in the trap.
If the rat eats the cheese, what do we care so long as the trap gets sprung.
Well, it's done.
They picked up your boy.
What's this, E.
G.
? Is this contempt or anger? Oh, don't tell me we're getting soft about targets.
Oh, shut up, David.
Maybe you should go back to Operations if you can't take it out here in the field.
(E.
G.
) Sometimes I just don't like what we do.
If this guy is General Chow we'll be bagging one of the biggest war criminals in the last decade.
Well, what about Temp? Oh, it's Temp now, is it? I thought he was just an expendable, wanted felon.
He got caught up in this mess.
I spent two days making him feel like Mick Jagger.
He's overloaded on helium.
I'd hate to see you under similar circumstances.
Okay, that's your debriefing.
Get lost.
You're excused.
Go.
B.
A.
(Vaughn) Hey.
Hey! What are you-- Hey! (Vaughn) Hey! What are you doing? Hey, let me go! [screaming.]
What are you doing? Hey! Let me go! I'll tell you anything.
Anything.
I'll tell you anything.
[gasping.]
Are you guys crazy? I could have been killed! Well, let's put this thing back on the ground.
(Hannibal) Right now.
You hijacked me.
You shot at me.
You were involved with kidnapping one of my team.
I'm not gonna play around with you, pal.
You come clean right now or you spend the rest of the afternoon counting your broken teeth.
It's a secret unit known as The Shop.
That's all I can tell you.
Except you don't wanna mess with us.
Oh yes, I do.
I'm a nutburger.
I have no fear of death.
I may be a homicidal maniac.
If I were you, pal, I'd come clean.
I could charm it out of him.
Or I could beat it out of him.
Equally unappetizing notions, Mr.
Vaughn, I assure you.
Go ahead, B.
A.
No.
[stuttering.]
Just hold it.
During the war, there was a Vietcong general named Chow.
We think he's in this country now operating as the head of an Asian trading company.
So bust him.
We can't prove it.
We don't have fingerprints, a detailed record, just some old photographs.
We're trying to lure him into the open.
Get him to make a criminal movement.
What's this got to do with Face? We have good intelligence that General Chow hated violently a man named Templeton Peck.
Some Cong general hated Peck? Why? Chow! That is the name of the girl who ran the leather shop at Face's tennis club.
She ran away from home.
Peck shielded her and then he dishonored her.
Oh, hold it.
I was there.
He never touched her.
She was just a sweet little kid.
Does it really matter what the facts are? The whole thing is we had to get Peck above ground so we could see what would happen.
They picked him up this afternoon.
Where is he? He's out at a ranch in Valencia.
How do you know? We had a mini transmitter in the brads of the manuscript we gave Lieutenant Peck and then we followed him.
Pecking Away At The System.
I had such high hopes for that book.
(Hannibal) What's that? (Vaughn) That's CIA issue.
It's a jet pack.
I'm supposed to deliver it to my agents in the field.
Colonel, I think we should take this with us.
Good idea, Captain.
What about you, Miss Fowler? I want to help.
I know it's hard to believe but I really like your friend.
I just hope he's safe.
If you guys could just tell me what you want, okay? Oh, come on, deals can be struck on anything.
Really.
Yeah, you see, the whole art of negotiation is the realization that no position is unattainable.
You know any good jokes? You wanna sing some songs? Well, maybe I'll just hold it down for a little while.
Okay time for a little military strategy.
Now, who said "Only use the air to create areas of opportunity on the ground"? Patton, General George.
That was football coach Woody Hayes, fool.
Right, B.
A.
Now, Murdock take your little gas machine and this bag of grenades and when that chopper comes in give them something else to think about.
I'll drop those pineapples like a crazed pigeon hovering over a mounted statue.
Okay.
Let's go.
Everything's cool down there.
House is quiet.
(Don) Okay, let's go.
(Chow) So we finally meet.
I have waited for this moment for 15 years.
I have savored the thought of meeting you.
I hate to appear rude, but who the hell are you, sport? My daughter was Lin Chow.
Wait a minute.
Her father was General Chow the Butcher of Mekong.
I go by the name of Byron Fung now.
You have dishonored my daughter.
And I have a responsibility of honor to punish you for your transgression.
I never did anything to your daughter.
She was a friend of mine.
I would never take advantage of that.
Besides, even if I did, which I didn't you know, but even if I did I'm sure that even you must know that love is a gift it's freely given and freely accepted and a true gift can't be forced on anyone.
Further, I think I should point out that this sort of old world behavior of yours you know, it's very unhip Oh, boy.
[whooping.]
[grenade exploding.]
[guns firing.]
[guns firing.]
[grunts.]
(Face) Murdock, what about the grenade? (Murdock) I didn't pull the pin, sweet cheeks.
Murdock, listen, I never touched his daughter.
Really.
Put it in the book, Templeton.
Let's go, Murdock.
[grunting.]
(man on TV) In testimony from E.
G.
Fowler formerly an operations officer attached to a renegade unit known as The Shop David Vaughn has been charged with crimes against the government and attempted murder.
Sources in the CIA state that David Vaughn was not operating with Agency authority and had taken on the operation without sanction.
Which leads us to the last chapter of this story what of Templeton Peck? It appears that his pardon was not signed by the correct agency in Washington and that he was being used as a tool by Vaughn to capture General Chow known in Vietnam as The Red Death or The Red Butcher.
Templeton Peck has disappeared into the underground where he has been forced to live for so long.
Well, there goes Face's pardon.
I never missed Face so much up until now.
Having to put up with that fool Murdock going around insulting women saying he's sexy.
He's driving me crazy, Hannibal.
Oh, Hannibal, did you see the news? My pardon went poof! I'm so sorry, Face.
I don't know how to make it up to you.
But I'd like to try.
Sweetness, I've got a program of my own going on.
You don't want to forget about the man of your dreams, do you? (Hannibal) Uh-oh.
That's all right, Hannibal, I can handle it.
You see, there's more to life than feeling guilty.
As Old Blue Eyes used to sing Fly me to the moon Murdock.
Murdock, please.
Back off.
I'm in the midst of closing a deal here.
Back off? Face I've developed a whole line of primo rap unto myself.
I can talk intelligently about the whales.
I can do the "I'm okay, you're okay" thing.
I can share my feelings.
I've got the whole line of patter down.
And with my basket of social goodies full I would like to ask E.
G.
out for an evening of sushi and slow dancing.
Well, you see, that was about to be my next question.
How about some sushi and the movies? The theater.
Opera? The ballet.
I love the ballet.
Look, Murdock, I want you to stop being me.
No way, José.
Not on your monogrammed tie.
How would you like it if I took your personality? How would you like it if I became you? lf I become "Howling Mad" Murdock? You couldn't.
I couldn't? I'm too complex.
Too layered too fruitcake.
Too whiskey, too rye.
[mimicking Murdock.]
Come on, guys let me fly you to the moon.
[imitating Murdock.]
Can't you see? I'm "Howling Mad" Murdock who drives you wildly insane.
(paramedic on radio) V.
A.
dispatch, this is Mobile Three, we're at the motel and going in for Murdock now.
(dispatcher) Roger.
[imitating a monkey.]
Let's take him.
No, you got the wrong-- That's Murdock.
Hey, Hannibal, say something.
(Face) You've got the wrong guy.
I was just pretending to be Murdock.
I was assuming his personality.
(Murdock) And quite convincingly, too, I might add.
(Hannibal) Congratulations, Lieutenant.
You're a free man.
Yeah, we really gonna miss you, Face.
Why can't I be the new scrounger? Don't try and be me, Murdock.
I mean, it'll just get you in trouble.
[yelling.]
I think we've lost Face.
I have waited for this moment for 15 years.
Oh, boy.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing.]
(male announcer) Please stand by.
We have an important announcement regarding the A-Team.
We switch you now to the briefing room at the Pentagon where Colonel Donald Davis is making an official announcement.
The Government of the United States of America has issued a pardon for Lieutenant Templeton Peck [people chattering.]
Who was formerly sought in connection with war crimes against the Government of Vietnam.
Through testimony delivered by Colonel Harvey Miller an aide in the General Headquarters of the IOG Battalion it has been learned that Lieutenant Peck was not involved with the crimes committed by The A-Team.
(male announcer on radio) The surprise announcement was made at the Pentagon briefing room at 2:00 Eastern Standard Time.
Colonel Harvey Miller stated in sworn testimony before the Adjutant General in Los Angeles that he had witnessed the events surrounding the capture of the A-Team and that Lieutenant Peck had simply been a passenger on a transport plane that led the A- on their mission.
Colonel Miller will make a statement on Meet the Press later today.
[exclaiming.]
What can I say, guys? [Face exclaiming.]
(Sever) Why now, Colonel? Why wait until now to release the information? There were circumstances surrounding that mission that were highly confidential and have just recently been de-classified.
(Face) I like this guy.
Don't remember him, but I like him.
You don't remember Harvey Miller, that skinny little loot from GHQ who used to sell the black market video tapes? No, Murdoch.
That was a little red-headed guy.
Does it bother anybody that this bald-headed bird Colonel is flat lying? Face was assigned to us.
He was second in command and Supply Officer.
You know, I think that's subject to interpretation, you know? I mean, okay, sure, I was a passenger on that plane.
But you was assigned to us, Face.
Well, technically maybe.
Face, you scammed the rocket launchers.
The important thing here is that Colonel Miller thinks I was there by mistake.
The important thing is, guys that I am getting pardoned.
Or set up.
Come on, this is my chance to go out into the world and use my heaven-sent gift of gab to accumulate all these shallow, purposeless toys that mankind lusts for.
All right.
I'll call my lawyer, Jerry Eckworth.
He's one of the great legal snakes in entertainment law.
I mean I'll have him check into this pardon and make sure it's legit.
No, I'm sure it's legit.
I'm due for a break.
Overdue, actually.
Mr.
Eckworth, please.
Hannibal Smith.
Come on, guys.
Cheer up.
I mean, it's not like I'm leaving you.
Okay, sure I won't have the fun of galloping through mud holes and getting shot at but I'll be with you in spirit.
Yeah, we really gonna miss you, Face.
Face, who's gonna run our scamolas? Who's gonna lie to the girl to get us the free airplane? [Face laughing.]
Not that we ever used them, big guy but they were always there in case we needed them.
Face, if you've got a way out of this mess we're all in, I'm all for it.
But, I don't want anyone on this team getting suckered out into the open and then captured.
You know, Hannibal, if Faceman does leave-- I'm not leaving, Murdock.
I'm just gonna be our agent on the surface, that's all.
As I was saying, if Faceman does leave why can't I be the new scrounger? You know, new hair, swank new threads.
I could drive the Vette-- Excuse me, Murdock, the Vette goes with me.
Oh, Hannibal.
Hello, Jerry.
This is Hannibal.
Yeah, we just heard.
Would you check this deal out for us? How can they pardon that lying, stealing, piece of spit? He shoots at my men robs our ordnance and now he's gonna be laughing in our faces! (Case) What're you gonna do, General Fulbright? Decker tried for two years and couldn't catch them.
Decker was soft.
Decker was never fully committed to the capture of these men! That's why Decker is now on his rusty-dusty in Bangor in Maine.
There's a big difference between me and him, Sergeant.
And you and the other men in this outfit are gonna find it out very quickly.
Fix the emblem on your collar.
And then you listen up.
When Peck hits the streets I'm gonna be on him like stink on a boot.
Where he goes, I go.
What he does, I do.
And if the A-Team tries to make contact with him we're gonna take them all.
Fulbright's law, Sergeant never wait.
Attack.
[Face scatting.]
(Face) Well, I'm ready.
Faceman emerges to face an unsuspecting world.
Face, we all know there's something wrong here.
No.
There's a reason all this is happening that we don't know.
We gotta be careful.
Now take it slow.
No, I don't want you guys following me.
Okay? I can take care of myself.
Besides, that's just what Decker would expect.
It'd be dangerous.
Faceman you have any last minute words of advice for me before I fill your able but slimy shoes? Slimy shoes? For I will steal.
I will lie.
I will seduce my way down the path that you have shown me.
He couldn't scam yesterday's garbage.
Oh, yeah? Well, you just watch.
With my new clothes and my HEW manners and especially my new hair! I will thrill and amaze us all.
I don't like the sound of that.
[sighing.]
Gee, I feel like I'm running out on you guys.
Yeah? But you have to understand.
This is a pardon.
It's my chance to start a new life.
Face any of us would grab the chance.
B.
A you take care of these bums, huh? [groaning.]
I'll do it, man.
And you be careful.
All right, I will.
Well I'll see you, guy.
[mimicking Face.]
Well I'll see you, guy.
Don't try and be me, Murdock.
I mean, it'll just get you in trouble.
Faceman, we all got to have our idols.
So, now it's just time for yours truly to step up and be initiated.
How about it? Oh, it's nice, but I'd still prefer a tall blonde.
(Hannibal) Come on, Face.
I'll drop you off.
Oh, I wouldn't do that, Hannibal.
See, I'm supposed to pick my pardon up at the government building.
So And Decker'll probably be there and [sighing.]
Well, I called a cab.
So stay in touch.
[sighing.]
He's walking into something.
I know it.
Have you contacted our people on the street? They have been alerted.
But it is our feeling that this man will be under constant government surveillance.
At first, then, he will be hard to locate.
He will be cautious, unsure of his freedom-- You will find him.
No amount of money is too much.
He robbed me of my only real valuable possession in life.
You will find him and bring him to me.
Do you understand? Lieutenant Peck.
Charlene Cross, LA Dispatch.
Were you surprised by Colonel Miller's announcement? [reporters chattering.]
Well, Charlie Well it's not Lieutenant anymore.
You know, it's just plain, old Templeton Peck.
You know, private citizen.
Hi, there.
Are you with the peacock? Toni Somerset, NBC News.
How do you feel about the allegations that you ran a large illegal club for officers and enlisted men called the DMZ Tennis and Racquetball Club? I just felt that the fighting man needed some recreation.
So, I I poured a few tennis courts and put in some racquetball had the Seabees dig a swimming pool.
Yes, and, well, I It wasn't the Bel Air Sports Connection but it got us through some very tough times.
Well, look, I'd like to stand here and answer your questions but, well, I think there's an Adjutant General inside with a piece of paper that I've been looking for, for 12 years.
[all laughing.]
Well, thank you all.
Look, I'll have a formal press conference later at the hotel and we'll do this right.
You know, champagne, finger sandwiches.
The whole ball of wax.
All right? Ciao, thank you.
You having nice day, Peck.
Who are you? Fulbright General Harlan Fulbright.
"Bull" Fulbright.
The The terror of Toledo.
Well, well, well and what are you doing here, General? I'm here to squash you and all the slime you run around with.
You see, I know who you really are.
A war hero unjustly charged with crimes he didn't commit.
Not even close.
You're garbage that got wrapped up in a nice package.
Get out of my way, General.
Or I will have a writ of harassment on your desk before the sun goes down.
Well, well.
E.
G.
Fowler, with Limelight Management Incorporated.
I'd like to represent you (Carlton) Excuse me.
if you aren't already spoken for.
Cary Carlton, Atlanta Affiliate.
Could we do a little standup piece right here? Come on, Cary.
No.
We can't favor one affiliate.
Just something short.
(Fowler) Don't worry, you'll get your chance.
Call my office.
Oh, sorry, guys, you heard the lady and I take my orders like a man.
[reporters chattering.]
Wow, you're pretty good.
Look, PR people are gonna be coming at you in assault waves.
Now, here is my deal.
$2,500 a week.
Expenses are split.
I know you're probably short of cash now.
So I'll do the first week on account.
By then, if I've done my job you'll have book advances and TV appearance money and maybe even the film rights sold.
What did you say your name was, again? E.
G.
Fowler.
Well, E.
G.
, throw in a dinner for a hungry boy and you got yourself a deal.
(aide) Lieutenant Peck this way, please.
The Governor is waiting.
[muttering.]
(Hannibal) Listen to this.
"On his career in Vietnam "Lieutenant Peck stated "that his entrepreneurial interests "tended to overshadow his military accomplishments.
"He and the ordinary members of his team--" That's us, his team.
I love it.
"took several enemy positions "deemed impossible to capture "by high-ranking brass.
"His sure-footed leadership under fire, Peck stated "helped to bring the team back alive.
" Hey, Hannibal, what was you doing when all this was happening? I guess I was having cocktails at Face's tennis club.
[Hannibal exclaiming.]
Listen "Peck is currently negotiating with several publishers "and motion picture studios "for the rights to his new book âPecking Away at the System.
â Catchy title.
Gee, if they make a movie of it, I wonder who they'd get to play me.
You know, Hannibal, the way things are going you might not even be mentioned in the movie.
[car horn honking.]
Is that Murdock? [sighing.]
Gosh, Hannibal, I I was with this bilingual primo foxette.
We were making ten with a bullet and I had to drop everything! Pile into the Vette and race across town.
I mean, couldn't it wait? Oh, brother.
Brothers are your bag, not me.
I'm into sisters and their mothers, if they're under 40.
Why don't you cut it out, fool.
I've had enough of this.
My name is not fool.
lam the Hunk Man.
You got it, boys and girls? The Hunker.
Look at that Vette over there.
Why, it fits me like [stuttering.]
a pair of argyle socks.
I mean, I love it.
This is what life is supposed to be about.
It's coming apart, Hannibal.
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
[Murdock sighing.]
[mumbling.]
[sighing.]
I don't know, E.
G.
It's It's like a whole new world opening up to me.
Well, if we do this right, it should only be the beginning.
You do seem to have a natural charm with the press.
But, Face, I really must-- Let's drop that moniker.
Now Templeton is the name.
Actually your name originally was Alvin Brenner.
Then you had it legally changed to Al Brennan then to Al Peck.
Then to Holmes Morrison, then to Morrison Holmes and then to Templeton Peck.
Where did you get this? From the writer I hired.
He did extensive background research.
He's waiting to hear from you.
He's got the first three chapters ready and they are going to be delivered tonight.
We promised the publisher we'd have the book done in two weeks to cash in on this peak publicity.
Look let's slough all this stuff about the aliases.
What's in a name? Funny question coming from a guy who's had so many.
What do you want to do about this children's workshop booking? Chuck-a-Luck the Chicken wants you as a guest on his show.
Barnyard Ballyhoo.
Let's book it.
I like the big chicken.
He's got panache.
Besides, it'll be good for my two to eleven demographics.
You know, for a talker, you're remarkably sexy.
I generally find talkers very boring.
Well, I also have a quiet, thoughtful side.
I love poetry.
I'm a very good dancer and I can quote romantic passages from Shakespeare, Bacon Faulkner and Lord Byron.
(Murdock) Bet you're asking yourself right now who is this great looking guy? And how can I talk him into taking me out? [stuttering.]
Well, that's right.
I'm the guy of your dreams.
I mean, I bet you noticed me getting out of that fancy new Vette over there.
Right? I mean, I love fish especially the whales.
I belong to Greenpeace the Cousteau Society, Save the Whales.
I mean, the ocean.
That's where it's happening.
So, how about an egg salad sandwich, two jellyrolls and a Twinkie six-pack to go? Oh, you have to go.
I can dig it.
[stammering.]
Well, I Yeah, I'll catch you on the flip side.
Don't know what I did wrong.
Where's our breakfast, Hunk? We were hitting it off but she got an emergency call.
You came on to her, and she took off with our breakfast.
That is a very narrow [car tires screeching.]
and selfish interpretation.
(Hannibal) Okay, let's go guys.
There's Face.
I'll catch you on the No, I already said that.
This is getting to be tiresome.
Hey, Hannibal, you think somebody'll try to do something to Faceman? We've got nothing else to do.
I wanna be sure he's gonna be okay.
Press breakfast.
Look I hope we're not fooling around with local press here.
No, no.
I'd rather stick with the networks.
You know, A.
P.
, UPI The Unified News Bureau.
You don't want to let this fame and celebrity go to your head, Templeton.
Me? Come on, E.
G I'm just people.
I'm just plain folks.
You know, maybe we should duck Chuck-A-Luck.
I don't know.
There's something about sitting around, talking with a chicken.
You know, it may not be the class image that we're going for.
Ranger One to Ranger Five.
They just passed us, heading east.
Black van with the red stripe is right on them.
No sign of the red Vette.
Okay, pick off the black van.
We doth want them.
Got it.
Converge and apprehend.
(Hannibal) Don't let them get away, B.
A.
City drivers.
It's frightening.
I could get killed just as I become a hot property.
I gotta be careful.
Come outwith your hands up or we'll open fire! [guns cocking.]
When your timing goes, seems like nothing goes right.
(B.
A.
) Yeah, I think they got us, Hannibal.
Wanna go see what they got for lunch.
Oh, we're in real trouble now, boys and girls.
Take off the blindfolds.
Piece of advice.
Don't mess around in something that isn't your business.
Now, that's great advice.
I'll take it.
Is there anything else, or did you just kidnap us to be sure we'd listen up? Sit on them.
I don't want these two in the play.
[gun firing.]
Let's use our little thumbs and our forefingers and get those weapons out now! All right, you with the beard off with the cuffs.
Murdock, for the first time, I'm glad to see you.
That's Hunk or Hunk Man to you.
Hannibal, there are still two guys outside.
I suggest, we depart quickly.
[guns firing.]
(Hannibal) John Jones.
Height, 5'11", 175 pounds.
Weight medium, complexion medium, everything medium.
Well, it's Mr.
National Average.
You know, but I hate to state the obvious, Hannibal but you don't get haircuts like that at Chez David.
Right, Murdock.
They're government spooks, it's a fake John Jones.
Nobody is called John Jones.
You know, that house we were at was for sale.
Limelight Homes.
We'll give them a ring.
See if they gave the key to anybody.
Doesn't Face's PR lady work for a firm called Limelight Management? Well, it could be a coincidence.
Just government economy.
They may only have one stencil.
Let's give Limelight Management a ring and see what we come up with.
Yes, information.
That's right.
Yeah, I got it.
Say, information while I got you on the line here I mean, you sound like a groovy chickla and I'm a six-foot, square-jawed bundle of fun.
I got a Vette, it's hot.
I like to talk about whales.
I like sushi and sharing.
Perhaps, I could squeeze you into my date-filled calendar book.
Shall we say, Friday? Eight-- [dial tone droning.]
[sighing.]
Must have got cut off.
She hung up on you.
You insulting these women.
Well as we say in the better health clubs of the West side "Ask not, get not.
" Murdock, better give me the number, I'll make the call.
Hannibal, please.
I can do this.
I really can.
You'd let Faceman do it, why not Hunk Man? Because you will mess it up.
But I can do voices just like Faceman.
I can do Sylvester the Cat.
[mimicking Sylvester.]
Listen here, sweetheart this pussycat knows where his fur is parted.
I can do Bullwinkle.
[mimicking Bullwinkle.]
Oh, look, I'm knee-deep in pretzels, poopie.
I can do Henry Kissinger.
[mimicking Henry Kissinger.]
Hello, this is Henry Kissinger.
That might work.
Try it.
(Vaughn) Yeah? Sir, it's Henry Kissinger.
He wants to talk to Templeton Peck.
Yes, who is this please? [mimicking Henry Kissinger.]
Well, I was just getting ready to ask you the same question.
However, this is Henry Kissinger.
Mr.
Kissinger.
Hi, this is David Vaughn.
I don't know if you remember me but we met at the Central Intelligence Agency bomb briefings in '67.
Yes.
David.
What a great pleasure it is to be speaking to you and I wonder if you could help me with a problem.
I have desperately been trying to locate Templeton Peck.
I would like to invite him to a Friars Club roast in his honor.
Well he's busy all afternoon doing political interviews.
Can't he call you? [mumbling.]
Well, I am at the VIP lounge at the [mimicking sound of aircraft.]
What was that? I'm sorry.
Excuse me, I didn't get that.
Well, you could try him at the Vine Street Studio.
He's has an interview there this afternoon.
Oh, thank you very much, David for all of your courtesy.
So remember, Nancy Ramsey says hizy-wizy.
Well, hi back to her.
Good.
Good.
Good.
It's CIA.
It figures.
Where's Face? He's at the Vine Street Studio.
Some kind of big political interview.
(Face) That's right, Chuck-A-Luck, it was tough.
But, you know, when things are tough sometimes it makes you a better man.
[mimicking a chicken.]
Boy, that's really interesting, Faceman.
My barnyard friends were telling me just the other day that when they were accused of something they didn't do it was really tough because they got very angry.
Thanks, Faceman.
We'll be right back.
[clucking.]
[whispering.]
Face.
Face.
Oh, hi.
We're right in the middle of an interview.
That's it for me.
Thank you, very much.
[Chuck-a-Luck in man's voice.]
I'm out of here for lunch, cowboy.
Great guy, huh? Or bird, or whatever.
[mimicking Face.]
Yeah, he asked some very interesting questions.
You know, some of these interviewers, they're so boring.
All they wanna know about is all your heroic exploits.
Face can you let the air out of your head for a minute and listen to us? Yeah.
We were just picked up by a squad of guys in gray civvies who took us to a garage in the valley.
(Hannibal) Now, they didn't want to bust us.
They just wanted to keep us out of the way.
Something's going down and you are in the center of it.
I appreciate the concern.
You know, the CIA, they probably wanna keep an eye on me.
Why? Don't make no sense to me.
Yeah, well, none of this makes much sense, B.
A but sure is fun.
Gee, guys, things are going so great, I mean if you only knew what it was like.
I mean, people want my autograph.
Everywhere I go people, they wanna know what I think about stuff.
Like that big chicken there.
Right.
Right, like him.
Yeah.
And, oh the women.
The women! See E.
G.
, she's winding up some stuff.
I'd be careful about her, Face.
Of E.
G.
? Are you kidding? I mean, she set this all up.
We're gonna have to charter a jet.
Just to get to all the gigs.
"L knew my buddies wouldn't make it without me.
"The Delta was clogged with VC "and, armed only with my knife and my wits, I went back--" Yeah, that's right.
Well, it's-- (Hannibal) When was that, Face? Oh, well, this That's just the first draft, you see.
Yeah, I haven't had a chance to rewrite it yet.
I mean, things are happening so fast.
And this writer he exaggerates everything.
Of course, if we're going to get Bob to play me.
You know, we're gonna have to center it on the Faceman character slightly.
Bob who? Redford.
And who plays me, Face? You? Oh, well your character's been scaled down slightly, Hannibal.
You're not in it, Hannibal.
(Face) Of course, he's in it, B.
A.
He's just not what we call a focal character.
See? Now, look, guys my schedule is really pressing.
So, if you'll just-- Face.
You've gotta get off this ego trip, Lieutenant.
You're in danger.
Right, I'm in danger of missing my 3:00.
Oh, come on, guys, what could happen to me? I mean, I have people around me every second of the day.
And believe me, Hannibal, I am very good at security.
All my antennae are out.
Now, look, guys, I gotta go.
Really, gotta go.
Thanks for stopping by.
Really.
Looking great, Murdock.
Oh, and I'll send you all autographed copies of the book.
You know, and don't worry about that little piece of nonsense that B.
A.
read.
I'll straighten that dippy writer out.
Really.
Trust me.
Ciao.
Ciao.
[sighing.]
Boy, is he on an ego trip.
But we're all gonna get autographed copies of his book, guys.
[guns firing.]
[screaming.]
[grunts.]
[gun firing.]
[guns firing.]
[guns firing.]
No numbers.
We should have stayed closer to him whether he wanted us or not.
I'd like to see your Chief Executive Officer, please.
I'm interested in looking at all the parcels of land you represent on the west side of town of $5 million and up.
You'd need to speak to Mr.
Gilbert.
Who should I say is calling? Hugh Howland.
Hugh Howland Industries.
Thank you.
(Hannibal) Well you must be Mr.
Gilbert.
That's right.
How can I help you, Mr.
Howland? Well, I buy properties.
Large parcels of property.
Up to 100 acres.
We're the hotel people, you know.
Well, this is a nice, little shop you got here, Mr.
Gilbert.
You got a first name? Sir, I'm afraid we don't handle large tracts.
Oh.
What do you handle? Well, we work on a build-to-suit basis.
Working for-- Build-to-suit? Working for clients who have special needs generally small manufacturing.
Excuse me, sir.
Wait a minute.
Where you going? Is there something wrong? Well, I was just trying to tell you that I think you should go to a traditional real estate company.
We just don't handle that kind of property.
Well, what do you handle? Maybe I could buy some.
You got any good residential? Always got my eye out for prime residential.
Look, Mr.
Howland, we're not doing residential real estate, either.
It's factories built-to-suit.
Like I said, it's all very specialized.
Well, goodbye, son.
Good luck and cheer up.
This is the place.
David Vaughn is in there along with a couple of others we know.
It is not a real estate office.
It is a front.
What do you want from the old Hunker? Nothing right now.
We're gonna wait till Mr.
Vaughn goes somewhere he won't be disturbed and then we're gonna pay him a visit.
Yeah.
Are we all set up out at this farm in Valencia? Yeah.
They've still got Peck out there but Chow hasn't shown up.
Keep a chopper ready.
If Chow dies in the shootout, it's not gonna break my heart.
And what about Peck? He's nothing but the cheese in the trap.
If the rat eats the cheese, what do we care so long as the trap gets sprung.
Well, it's done.
They picked up your boy.
What's this, E.
G.
? Is this contempt or anger? Oh, don't tell me we're getting soft about targets.
Oh, shut up, David.
Maybe you should go back to Operations if you can't take it out here in the field.
(E.
G.
) Sometimes I just don't like what we do.
If this guy is General Chow we'll be bagging one of the biggest war criminals in the last decade.
Well, what about Temp? Oh, it's Temp now, is it? I thought he was just an expendable, wanted felon.
He got caught up in this mess.
I spent two days making him feel like Mick Jagger.
He's overloaded on helium.
I'd hate to see you under similar circumstances.
Okay, that's your debriefing.
Get lost.
You're excused.
Go.
B.
A.
(Vaughn) Hey.
Hey! What are you-- Hey! (Vaughn) Hey! What are you doing? Hey, let me go! [screaming.]
What are you doing? Hey! Let me go! I'll tell you anything.
Anything.
I'll tell you anything.
[gasping.]
Are you guys crazy? I could have been killed! Well, let's put this thing back on the ground.
(Hannibal) Right now.
You hijacked me.
You shot at me.
You were involved with kidnapping one of my team.
I'm not gonna play around with you, pal.
You come clean right now or you spend the rest of the afternoon counting your broken teeth.
It's a secret unit known as The Shop.
That's all I can tell you.
Except you don't wanna mess with us.
Oh yes, I do.
I'm a nutburger.
I have no fear of death.
I may be a homicidal maniac.
If I were you, pal, I'd come clean.
I could charm it out of him.
Or I could beat it out of him.
Equally unappetizing notions, Mr.
Vaughn, I assure you.
Go ahead, B.
A.
No.
[stuttering.]
Just hold it.
During the war, there was a Vietcong general named Chow.
We think he's in this country now operating as the head of an Asian trading company.
So bust him.
We can't prove it.
We don't have fingerprints, a detailed record, just some old photographs.
We're trying to lure him into the open.
Get him to make a criminal movement.
What's this got to do with Face? We have good intelligence that General Chow hated violently a man named Templeton Peck.
Some Cong general hated Peck? Why? Chow! That is the name of the girl who ran the leather shop at Face's tennis club.
She ran away from home.
Peck shielded her and then he dishonored her.
Oh, hold it.
I was there.
He never touched her.
She was just a sweet little kid.
Does it really matter what the facts are? The whole thing is we had to get Peck above ground so we could see what would happen.
They picked him up this afternoon.
Where is he? He's out at a ranch in Valencia.
How do you know? We had a mini transmitter in the brads of the manuscript we gave Lieutenant Peck and then we followed him.
Pecking Away At The System.
I had such high hopes for that book.
(Hannibal) What's that? (Vaughn) That's CIA issue.
It's a jet pack.
I'm supposed to deliver it to my agents in the field.
Colonel, I think we should take this with us.
Good idea, Captain.
What about you, Miss Fowler? I want to help.
I know it's hard to believe but I really like your friend.
I just hope he's safe.
If you guys could just tell me what you want, okay? Oh, come on, deals can be struck on anything.
Really.
Yeah, you see, the whole art of negotiation is the realization that no position is unattainable.
You know any good jokes? You wanna sing some songs? Well, maybe I'll just hold it down for a little while.
Okay time for a little military strategy.
Now, who said "Only use the air to create areas of opportunity on the ground"? Patton, General George.
That was football coach Woody Hayes, fool.
Right, B.
A.
Now, Murdock take your little gas machine and this bag of grenades and when that chopper comes in give them something else to think about.
I'll drop those pineapples like a crazed pigeon hovering over a mounted statue.
Okay.
Let's go.
Everything's cool down there.
House is quiet.
(Don) Okay, let's go.
(Chow) So we finally meet.
I have waited for this moment for 15 years.
I have savored the thought of meeting you.
I hate to appear rude, but who the hell are you, sport? My daughter was Lin Chow.
Wait a minute.
Her father was General Chow the Butcher of Mekong.
I go by the name of Byron Fung now.
You have dishonored my daughter.
And I have a responsibility of honor to punish you for your transgression.
I never did anything to your daughter.
She was a friend of mine.
I would never take advantage of that.
Besides, even if I did, which I didn't you know, but even if I did I'm sure that even you must know that love is a gift it's freely given and freely accepted and a true gift can't be forced on anyone.
Further, I think I should point out that this sort of old world behavior of yours you know, it's very unhip Oh, boy.
[whooping.]
[grenade exploding.]
[guns firing.]
[guns firing.]
[grunts.]
(Face) Murdock, what about the grenade? (Murdock) I didn't pull the pin, sweet cheeks.
Murdock, listen, I never touched his daughter.
Really.
Put it in the book, Templeton.
Let's go, Murdock.
[grunting.]
(man on TV) In testimony from E.
G.
Fowler formerly an operations officer attached to a renegade unit known as The Shop David Vaughn has been charged with crimes against the government and attempted murder.
Sources in the CIA state that David Vaughn was not operating with Agency authority and had taken on the operation without sanction.
Which leads us to the last chapter of this story what of Templeton Peck? It appears that his pardon was not signed by the correct agency in Washington and that he was being used as a tool by Vaughn to capture General Chow known in Vietnam as The Red Death or The Red Butcher.
Templeton Peck has disappeared into the underground where he has been forced to live for so long.
Well, there goes Face's pardon.
I never missed Face so much up until now.
Having to put up with that fool Murdock going around insulting women saying he's sexy.
He's driving me crazy, Hannibal.
Oh, Hannibal, did you see the news? My pardon went poof! I'm so sorry, Face.
I don't know how to make it up to you.
But I'd like to try.
Sweetness, I've got a program of my own going on.
You don't want to forget about the man of your dreams, do you? (Hannibal) Uh-oh.
That's all right, Hannibal, I can handle it.
You see, there's more to life than feeling guilty.
As Old Blue Eyes used to sing Fly me to the moon Murdock.
Murdock, please.
Back off.
I'm in the midst of closing a deal here.
Back off? Face I've developed a whole line of primo rap unto myself.
I can talk intelligently about the whales.
I can do the "I'm okay, you're okay" thing.
I can share my feelings.
I've got the whole line of patter down.
And with my basket of social goodies full I would like to ask E.
G.
out for an evening of sushi and slow dancing.
Well, you see, that was about to be my next question.
How about some sushi and the movies? The theater.
Opera? The ballet.
I love the ballet.
Look, Murdock, I want you to stop being me.
No way, José.
Not on your monogrammed tie.
How would you like it if I took your personality? How would you like it if I became you? lf I become "Howling Mad" Murdock? You couldn't.
I couldn't? I'm too complex.
Too layered too fruitcake.
Too whiskey, too rye.
[mimicking Murdock.]
Come on, guys let me fly you to the moon.
[imitating Murdock.]
Can't you see? I'm "Howling Mad" Murdock who drives you wildly insane.
(paramedic on radio) V.
A.
dispatch, this is Mobile Three, we're at the motel and going in for Murdock now.
(dispatcher) Roger.
[imitating a monkey.]
Let's take him.
No, you got the wrong-- That's Murdock.
Hey, Hannibal, say something.
(Face) You've got the wrong guy.
I was just pretending to be Murdock.
I was assuming his personality.
(Murdock) And quite convincingly, too, I might add.