The Twilight Zone (1959) s04e09 Episode Script
Printer's Devil (60 min)
You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Beyond it is another dimension- a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, i'll send you a check first thing in the morning.
Right.
Need some help? No, thanks.
I enjoy kicking around broken-down chairs.
It's good for the circulation.
Oh? Yours or the paper's? Very funny.
Come on, now, doug, things aren't that bad.
Don't be such an old gloom cookie.
I am not now, nor have i ever been a "gloom cookie.
" Thanks.
Oh, hi, andy.
I'd like to talk to you, mr.
Winter.
He's tired, andy.
Can't it wait till tomorrow? It's all right, jackie.
What's on your mind, andy? Well, sir, the the fact is, i well, i that help, andy? Yeah, thanks.
Mr.
Winter, i i hate to have to tell you this, but i'm resigning.
All right.
When? Right away.
I mean, i know it ain't your fault, but it's eight weeks since i've been paid.
Oh, i understand.
I really hate to do it, mr.
Winter, but a man's got to eat.
Andy praskins, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! Jackie the best boss a man could work for.
Who said that, andy? Who said it? I did, miss benson, and i meant it.
And this is the way you repay the best boss a man could work for? By quitting him just when he needs you the most? I said i hate to do it.
Well, then why do it? I mean, just because of a little setback it ain't just a little setback, and you know it.
And so does mr.
Winter.
This paper is finished, miss benson.
It was finished the minute thegazettemoved into town.
How you gonna buck a syndicate like that? They can pour thousands of dollars into that operation, lose every penny and still not feel it.
They've got a half dozen reporters, a morning edition, a night edition.
I ask you, how you gonna lick that? You're not.
Right.
So i say, join 'em.
You mean you are going to work forthem? Yes, miss benson, beginning tomorrow.
And if you're smart get out of here, andy.
Just get out of here.
Andy.
Yes, mr.
Winter? Good luck.
Thank you, sir.
I still say you're the best.
Good-bye.
Oh, boy! That's gratitude for you.
After all the times you've stayed up until midnight correcting his mistakes.
Jackie the days off you gave him.
Jackie well, can't you ever get mad at anything around here except chairs? That wasandy praskins who walked out.
Our linotype operator.
Don't you realize that? I know.
Well, then why didn't you do something? Do something?! I'd do anything i could to save this place, anything but andy's right.
It's too late.
I'm through.
Oh, no.
Oh, don't say that.
Please don't say it.
Why, this was your dream, doug.
Well, right now, i'm i'm awake.
Miss benson, why don't you go home? I've got a lot of work to do.
Oh, doug, let me just stay.
You heard me.
You go on home.
I'm a very busy man.
Well, what are you going to do? Right now, i'm going to see you to the front door.
Will you be all right? Yeah, sure.
It's not the end of the world, you know.
Call me if you need me, will you? Young man.
Might i trouble you for a match? Yeah.
Sure.
It's a lovely night, isn't it? Lovely spot, too.
Smell the pines.
It's a pity you have to leave it all.
What do you mean? Well, you were about to commit suicide, weren't you? That's none of your business.
I agree.
If a man wants to do away with himself, i say that's his decision, nobody else's.
But i do think you ought to make a good job of it.
This looks very uncertain to me, frankly.
You might end up with nothing more than a head cold.
I certainly wouldn't want to risk it.
By the way, did you find a match? No, i i don't have one.
Well, doesn't matter.
Good night.
Aren't you going to jump? Why, do you want to watch? No, heavens no.
But i was just thinking, if you aren't going to, perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me a lift into town? Now, i don't want you to change your plans on my behalf, you understand.
Yeah.
Come on.
Well, thank you.
Wait a minute.
I found a light.
Take away a man's dream, fill him with whiskey and despair, send him to a lonely bridge, let him stand there all by himself, looking down at the black water, and try to imagine the thoughts that are in his mind.
You can't, i can't but there's someone who can, and that someone is seated next to douglas winter right now.
The car is headed back toward town, but its real destination is the twilight zone.
Thank you very much.
Young man, i hope you're not planning to drink alone.
I was unless, of course, you'd like to join me.
I'd be delighted.
Well feeling better? Not yet.
Hi, mr.
Winter.
Oh, hi, molly.
Give me a martini, will you? Make it a double.
The same.
Uh, mr.
Winter, could i see you for a second? What about? Well, um oh, yes.
Yes, the tab.
I'm sorry, but mr.
Foster says that from now on, it's got to be cash.
Please, allow me.
Now, molly, run and get those drinks, will you? And tell mr.
Foster to make them strong.
Will you do that? Run, girl, run.
Mm! That's a lush one, isn't it? Full of fire, too, i'll wager.
I wouldn't know.
You wouldn't? Pity.
Uh, thank you very much for the drink, mister, uh smith.
Um, my name is douglas winter.
Thedouglas winter, the editor? Ex-editor.
Wait, why "ex"? It's a long, sad story, mr.
Smith.
You wouldn't be interested.
Oh, but i would.
I would indeed.
You see, you are the reason that i've journeyed to dansburg.
You must be a creditor.
No, not yet, anyhow.
No, the fact is, i'm a newspaperman.
I was hoping to secure a position with your paper.
I'm sorry.
If you'd have called, i'd save you a trip.
Why? Thecourieris dead, mr.
Smith.
L-l-i don't understand.
There's not much to understand.
The bragg syndicate opened a paper here called thegazette, and they murdered us.
Ah, i see.
No, uh, keep it, my dear, in payment for your lovely smile.
Thank you, sir.
She moves fast for a big one.
Mr.
Winter do you suppose thegazettecould use a good linotype operator? I doubt it.
They just grabbed my best man today.
Why? That's my specialty, along with the reporting.
You mean you're a reporter and a linotype operator? Absolutely.
If i may dispense with false modesty, i'd count myself among the best in both fields.
Perhapsthebest.
You were about to say something.
Well, then i'll say it.
You put me to work at once, ithinkwe can save thecourier.
How can i put you to work? I can't even pay my bar tab.
Well, that's simple.
I'll waive salary until you're in the black.
That's crazy.
I might never be in the black.
Well, it's a chance, but it's better than anything you have now.
Are you sure you know how to operate a linotype machine? Mr.
Winter, that's like asking paganini if he can play the fiddle.
I'm a virtuoso.
Show me.
With pleasure.
Good night, molly.
Good night, mr.
Winter.
Doug! Jackie.
Doug, where have you been? I've been calling your home all eve ning oh, uh, jackie, i'd like you to meet mr.
Smith.
Uh, this is miss benson, my most valuable employee.
Secondmost valuable, mr.
Winter.
Secondmost valuable.
Very good, mr.
Smith.
Let's see how long it takes you to copy this lead story.
Right over there.
Certainly.
Who is he, anyway? I don't know.
Well, it's not the latest model, but it's agoodone.
Now ah! Listen to it hum.
Kindly hold that cigar for me.
Keep it burning.
Well, if he doesn't play chopin'spolonaise, i'll be disappointed.
May i have my cigar back? Oh yes.
Put it in my mouth, please.
I may have to make a few modifications, but on the whole, it's infinecondition.
A little stiff, perhaps.
What's the matter? Matter? Why did you quit? Finished.
That's impossible! See for yourself.
Mr.
Smith why would a man with your talent want to work for a hick paper like thecourier? Call it a challenge.
Well, miss benson, are you impressed? No.
I'm amazed.
It's understandable.
Well, i must confess that this is not my true vocation.
It isn't? No.
I'm a reporter.
Oh.
Some people have a green thumb.
I have a green nose.
Wherever there is news, this old nose smells it.
I'm afraid there isn't much news to smell around dansburg, mr.
Smith.
There will be.
Well, am i hired? You would be, if i had a paper.
But i haven't got one, and there's no use kidding myself.
This all belongs to the banks and the finance companies, and they're ready to collect.
Aw.
How much would it take to pay them off? Oh, roughly $4,861.
23.
Oh i might be able to manage that.
Uh you want to make us a loan? Perhaps.
Would you excuse us for a minute, please? What do you think? Well, if he'd made that offer ten minutes ago, i'd have thought he was kidding or crazy, but now l-i don't know.
I mean, what's in it for him? Beats me.
But i'm going to give it a go.
Yeah, but there's something it's a chance to stay in business! After all, what have i got to lose? That's right.
What have you got to lose? Gives you a funny feeling, doesn't it? "Paid in full.
" "Paid in full.
" Who but that old rooster would carry $5,000 cash around in his pocket? Well, speak of the devil.
Excuse the interruption, but how long would it take you to get an edition onto the streets? We're not due out until 4:00.
I mean, an extraedition.
A couple of hours on a short run.
Be a hassle, though.
Would it be worth the hassle if you could beat the gazetteto a scoop? Depends on the scoop.
Here.
Holy Well, that was only a half an hour ago! I'll check it out.
You doubt my veracity, hmm? It's standard operating procedure, mr.
Smith.
You ought to know that.
Uh, let me speak to mr.
Underwood, please.
Well, never mind.
Maybe you can help me.
We just had a report of a robbery thank you.
Okay, let's go to work! Yes, sir.
I told you i had a nose for news! Hey, extra! Big bank robbery today! Extra! Read all about it! Extra! Read about the big stick-up! Robbers take $15,000! Read about it! Extra! Extra! Robbers take $15,000! Here you go, sir.
Thank you.
Get your extra! Read about today's bank robbery! Read about thank you, sir.
There you are.
Read all there you are.
Read all about today's bank robbery! There you are, sir.
Follow me.
I don't believe it.
I'll check it.
I don't think she trusts me.
Of course, it isn't much, but it sells papers.
How did you find this out? Hmm? How did you find this out?! I told you i had a nose for news.
You like it, don't you? Mr.
Smith, i can't think of anything i like better.
Harold j.
Swanson! "for 13 years, "principal of dansburg high school "confessed to police today "that he is married to two women and is a bigamist.
" I just talked to mr.
Swanson.
And? It's true! He has two wives.
High school principal exposed as bigamist! Hey, late paper's out! Read all about it! Subscriptions! You're kidding.
I amnotkidding.
Do you realize that in two weeks, our circulation has tripled? Beautiful! Well, well, well, mr.
Franklin.
How are things at thegazette? That's exactly why i'm here, mr.
Winter.
Miss benson.
I'm not a man to beat around the bush, but you're giving us trouble.
Now, this quick success that you've had just can't last.
You've had a few lucky breaks.
That's all.
But i'll admit, we're hurting.
How does it feel, mr.
Franklin? I'm authorized to make you an offer, and if you're a smart young man- i understand that you are- you'll take it.
An offer for what? Thecourier.
We buy it; you and your staff go to work for us.
Now, how does that sound? Sorry.
Thecourier isn't for sale.
Not at any price? Not at any price.
Now, you certainly don't think that you can fight us, do you? Oh, we can try, mr.
Franklin.
Well, then you're not quite as smart a young man as i thought you were.
But i will leave that offer open until 7:00 tonight.
If i don't hear from you by that time, you better lay in yourself a good supply of tin cups.
Thank you.
How much do you think he'd give you? Well, if they're as worried as franklin looks, i imagine around $100,000.
why? I was just wondering.
Honey, what's the matter? Things have never gone better, have they? I'm not so sure.
Here we are.
Oh, hi, mr.
Smith.
I have a little surprise for you.
I don't think i can take another one.
You'll take this, all right.
Happens to be the biggest scoop of them all.
You read it, and i'll get things going.
Almost afraid to look.
Twilight zonewill continue after station identification.
Look, i don't blame you of being upset, but that gives you no reason to toss allegations around! Allegations? Facts.
Now, you started that fire, and you're going to pay for it.
I told you a thousand times, i didn't start the fire! Now, how many times do i have to tell you? I don't care how many times you tell me.
Your newspapers were out on that street exactly one half hour after it happened, and to me, that means only one thing: That youknew it was going to happen.
All right, i'll explain it to you one more time.
Our new man was walking by your building, and he saw the smoke, and he came in yeah, and then back here, and in one half hour, he wrote the complete story, ran off 5,000 copies on that dilapidated equipment of yours, delivered it to the corner newsboy, and you expect me to believe that? Now, what kind of a stupid idiot do you think i am? Well, let's not get into that, shall we? It just so happens i have witnesses as to my whereabouts for the whole day.
Now, will you get out of here? We have a lot of work to do.
You haven't heard the last of this.
Doug? Yeah? Howdidwe hit on the street so fast? I don't know.
Well, do you believe him? Who? Mr.
Smith! Do you believe he justhappened to be passing by? Well, boss, what can i do for you? Answer a question.
Did you start thegazettefire? I? You.
I'm afraid i don't understand the question.
I don't see why not.
It's very simple.
Did you start thegazettefire? It was started by a faulty electrical system.
Are you sure? I never write up anything i'm not sure of.
It's a question of ethics.
Oh, by the way andy praskins called.
He's the linotype operator i told you about.
I think i'll hire him back and put you on full-time reporting.
No, no, no, that wouldn't do.
Now, i've made certain, uh, modifications to this machine.
I wouldn't want anybody else to touch it.
Would spoil everything.
Besides, it breaks up the day for me.
You can hire him back, by all means, but, uh, give him another job.
I insist.
Okay.
Hey, come on, now, you still haven't told me.
Exactly how did you meet mr.
Smith? Oh, brother.
You don't give up very easy, do you? Well, i want to know.
I told you, i just ran into him that night.
That's all.
Where? Pine trail.
What were you doing there? Shooting butterflies.
What else would i be doing there? Well, you don't have to get so sarcastic about it.
I was only asking.
Well, i told you.
I just met him and i hired him, and he put us back in business.
What's wrong with that? I smell trouble.
Trouble? We just picked up We're selling out every day.
I've been dreaming about that kind of trouble all my life.
Hey, what's the matter with you? There's nothing the matter.
Yes, there is.
You're different.
You've changed.
"You're different.
You've changed.
" You're beginning to sound like a wife! Well, i'm not your wife, and i never will be, at this rate.
Well, that's okay with me, too.
Mr.
Smith? What's on the machine? I was hoping to surprise you with it later.
"E.
j.
Macleod wins $250,000 on sweepstakes ticket.
" "Macleod, for 16 years clerk at the dansburg water and power comp" uh, mr.
Macleod? This is doug winter down at thecourier.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I was just wondering, have you heard anything on your sweepstakes ticket? I see.
Oh, no, no, sir, l-i haven't heard a thing.
Sorry to bother you.
Right.
Good night.
Mm? I hate to tell you but i'm afraid this time, you pulled a boner.
Macleod doesn't know anything about it.
I didn't say he knew anything about it.
I said hewonit.
What are you talking about? How can you win $250,000 and not know about it? By not bothering to look under the door for a telegram.
Courier.
Winter speaking.
Congratulations.
You see? Now, boss, would you have a chair, please? I think that the, uh time has come when you and i should have a little chat, hmm? I think the occasion calls for a touch of "the creature," if i may say so.
Sorry.
I'm fresh out.
I think you'll find you're mistaken.
Right there in that top drawer, hmm? With my compliments.
You think of everything, don't you? Now, first of all i should like to ask whether or not you are happy with the way things have been going.
Just what are you leading up to, mr.
Smith? A simple proposition.
I hereby guarantee- you understand- guarantee- that you will become the most successful newspaper editor in the world, if you will affix your signature to this little document.
"I, douglas winter, agree to relinquish "my immortal soul to the bearer upon my death in exchange for his services.
" "I, d" what? Huh? You're the devil! Oh, mr.
Winter.
As a sophisticated, intelligent youknowthat the devil does not exist.
True? True.
But you also know that the world is full of eccentric, rich old men- crazy old men doing all kinds of things for crazy reasons.
Now, why don't you think of me like that? Here's a pen.
This is ridiculous! Yes, isn't it? Could i, uh trouble you for another drink? Uh, you don't really believe that i'm the devil, do you? No.
Well, then, why don't you put it this way: You're humoring me.
After all, what good is the soul, anyway? It's sort of like an appendix these days, particularly since it doesn't exist in the first place.
Well, just for the sake of argument, why do you particularly want mine? Well, for the sake of argument, let's say i'm something of a connoisseur, and you have a very choice soul, and as the vintners say, it's a good year.
Well, then again, uh, just for sake of argument yes? Why don't you just take it, huh? Now, if you're the devil as you say you are, why, you can do everything.
No, unhappily, not everything.
I am bound by certain rules, and i do have my limitations.
You're nuts.
Yes.
Let's drink to that, huh? Here you are.
I think i should warn you, however, that if you do not sign this, then the certain gloomy predictions you made about thecourier'sfuture will certainly come to pass.
Yes, i'll have to resign, and well, let's not even consider such a proposition.
After all, you don't want to go visiting that bridge again, do you? Hardly.
No.
Yeah.
Now why not humor an old man? It'll mean such a lot to me.
And if you don't sign it, it would be admitting fear and belief.
You're not afraid, are you? No.
Fancy that! A grown-up man who believes in the devil! Give me that stupid thing! There.
Now, let's not hear any more about this, shall we? Good morning, miss benson.
Good morning, mr.
Smith.
Doug? Doug, wake up.
Hmm? Wake up! Hmm? Oh.
What, you sleep here last night? What happened? Here, have some coffee.
Oh.
Yeah, i worked late last night.
Guess i fell asleep.
Thanks.
Have you seen this? Ah.
What? Oh, no! Doug, what is going on? What is the matter? Why, these papers were on the newsstand less than an hour after it happened.
Who ran them off? Who delivered them? Ask mr.
Smith.
I'm askingyou.
Leave me alone, will you?! Lovely dress you're wearing, miss benson.
What do you want? A bit of fire, hmm? Ah, yes.
Hmm? Keep them.
Thank you.
You and i are going to be great friends, my dear.
Extra, extra! Honeymooners drown in lake bundy! Read all about it! Thank you, sir.
Extra, extra! Extra! Banker murders wife! Read all about it! Extra! Get your late papers here! Doug, i'm scared! These things just can't be happening! You've got to fire him.
I can't.
Why not? You paid back the loan.
You don't owe him a thing.
I know, i know, but i can't, that's all! Now, believe me, i can't! Why? Just kick him out! On what grounds? I don't know- incompetence.
Oh, come on, now, you know he's a very competent linotype operator and a great reporter.
Do you want him around? It isn't a question of wanting him around then what is it?! He'srunning the newspaper now.
Not you, him! He's doing a pretty good job of it, too, isn't he? We're selling out every edition! Oh, you're selling out more than that.
A lot more.
Good-bye, doug.
Jackie? Aren't you being a little hasty? Would you mind you own business? Thisismy business.
I have a proprietary interest in everything connected with thecourier.
Well, i am no longer connected with thecourier, mr.
Smith.
Miss benson, i wish you'd reconsider.
The fact is, i've developed a very special fondness for you.
Will you please get out of my way? You'll besorry you did that! Where's jackie? Love's labor lost, my friend.
She's gone, vanished.
But don't worry we can do withouther.
The person we can do without isyou.
That's an ungrateful thing to say to a friend who pulled you out of bankruptcy and turned thecourier into the hottest journal in the state! Well, let me tell you something, mr.
Smith.
It's not worth it.
I had a nightmare about a weird little man with a crooked cigar who caused terrible things to happen so he could get scoops for my paper.
Well, i'm awake now, and i want you out of here! Not so fast! What about our contract? What about our contract? You said you'd doanything to make your paper a success.
I heard you.
That's why i came.
Well, i've carried out my part.
You are a success.
If you're not a nightmare, then you're something even worse, because somehow you'vemadethese things happen.
You've caused tragedy.
You've destroyed life and property.
I didn't bargain for this! Oh, yes, you did, but you put it out of your mind.
You thought you'd get everything for nothing.
That's not the way life works.
Well, don't worry about it.
You're not the first editor i've helped.
I don't want your help.
I want you out of my life! Can't do that now.
We have an obligation between us.
There is no way out.
Hold it! There's one way, of course.
And what's that? You can pay up, right now.
I suppose that means that you can't take my immortal soul while i'm alive and walking around, is that it? Something like that.
Now, wait, wait.
This old nose smells a story coming in.
May solve everything.
Ah! A shame- poor miss benson.
What about miss benson? "At 11:30 tonight, miss jacqueline benson, "former secretary to douglas winter, "editor of thecourier, suffered grave injuries" "suffered grave injuries "resulting from a head-on collision between her car "and that of james edward slocum, "returning from a skiing trip.
The accident took place on bascomb road.
" That won't stop it.
You still think i'm a nightmare, do you? You change it.
I can't change it.
The little modifications i made altered this machine quite a bit.
Whatever it writes comes to pass.
But why jackie? What did she ever do to you? She slapped me.
And you'd destroy her for that? Of course not! You're an intelligent man, but you keep missing the point.
Don't you see i've spent too much time with you already? I have other clients waiting.
I want to move on.
I figured this story about your girlfriend would hurry things up.
Let me point out that the item did not say that she died of her injuries- not yet.
I can add a few lines either way.
Whether she lives or dies depends on you.
Now, if you decide to conclude the contract, you'll find this a lot surer than the bridge.
Quicker, too.
That leaves youthree.
Where you going? There's got to be some way to stop you, and i'm going to find it! That's the spirit.
Never give up.
But remember, you only have one hour and 15 minutes.
Jackie? Jackie? Jackie! Hush! You want to wake up the whole building? Where's miss benson? She ain't in.
Well, where did she go? Well, that's none of my concern.
When did she leave? Well well, what's the mattter? When did she leave?! Oh, a-a-about 15 minutes ago, i think.
But what's the what's? Mr.
Smith, i want to talk to you.
Oh? First, i want to apologize for slapping you.
Tush, it's nothing at all.
Second, i want to ask something of you.
What might that be? I want you to go away.
Now, i know you've done a great deal for the paper.
We appreciate that.
But i love doug.
I want to marry him.
But the way he's been acting ever sinceyoucame- i don't even recognize him anymore.
He's a different person! You think that's due to my influence? Yes, i do and i am going to get you out of this town, away from this paper, away from doug, or, so help me hold it, hold it! Don't become hysterical.
Well, i mean it.
Ireally no need to say another word, because i'm leaving of my own free will.
You are? Of course! I never stay where i'm not wanted.
I have other offers, you know.
In fact, i'm quitting this very moment.
You are? Certainly.
My only request is that you drive me.
I have no car, you know, to drive me to the airport.
Well certainly.
I'd love to.
Very well.
I'm ready.
Well, what about doug? Oh, i thinkhe can take care of himself, hmm? Would you like me to drive? All right.
We'll go by the bascomb road.
Hi, mr.
Winter.
Have you seen jackie? Oh, miss benson? No.
She hasn't been in since lunch time.
What's the matter, mr.
Winter? You look terrib well, can i get you something? Too fast! Why, this is too fast! Too fast! Oh, look out! Mr.
Smith? Mr.
Smith?! Doug! Oh, doug! Jackie! Oh, jackie! Doug, mr.
Smith- he tried to kill me! He tried to kill me! I know.
We were in this car, and he kept going faster! And there was this other car coming at us, and he headed straight for that car! But it's all right now.
It's all over.
He was sitting right there next to me, and then then he was gone! What's going on?! What happened?! Tell me! Listen to this: "Mr.
Smith, former star reporter "and chief linotype operator "for thecourier resigned his position "and left dansburg for his home "at 11:29 this evening.
"His contract with mr.
Douglas winter "was declared null and void "owing to mr.
Winter's incomplete understanding of the terms of the document.
" Contract? What contract? It means that he'sgone! Gone? And he won't be back.
Did he say so? No, but he never goes anyplace he's not invited.
What do you mean, invited? Did you invite him here in the first place? Well in a way, i did.
In a way, i did.
And i'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for it, too.
The first thing we do is get rid of this machine! Why? And then we're going to take on thegazette! Doug, will you please explain this?! I don't know what i will, i will, i will.
I'll tell you- maybe tomorrow.
Right now, let's get out of here.
Exit the infernal machine, and with it, his satanic majesty, lucifer, prince of darkness- otherwise known as mr.
Smith.
He's gone, but not for good.
That wouldn't be like him.
He's gone forbad.
And he might be back with another ticket to the twilight zone.
For our next show, mr.
Dana andrews makes his first visit to the twilight zone in a show called "no time like the past.
" You'll see him as a discontented inhabitant of the 20th century who goes back in time- back to what we assume to be the inviolate past- and violates it.
A walloping performance, a strange and odd-ball theme, and an ending most unexpected in the tradition of the twilight zone.
You and i both share this dubious distinction with several million of our peers who inhabit the 20th century.
And you don't care for the 20th century? I do not.
How did you know? You did, didn't you? Yes, i knew.
I knew there'd be a fire.
But what i didn't know- i didn't know that i would cause it.
Beyond it is another dimension- a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Yes, i'll send you a check first thing in the morning.
Right.
Need some help? No, thanks.
I enjoy kicking around broken-down chairs.
It's good for the circulation.
Oh? Yours or the paper's? Very funny.
Come on, now, doug, things aren't that bad.
Don't be such an old gloom cookie.
I am not now, nor have i ever been a "gloom cookie.
" Thanks.
Oh, hi, andy.
I'd like to talk to you, mr.
Winter.
He's tired, andy.
Can't it wait till tomorrow? It's all right, jackie.
What's on your mind, andy? Well, sir, the the fact is, i well, i that help, andy? Yeah, thanks.
Mr.
Winter, i i hate to have to tell you this, but i'm resigning.
All right.
When? Right away.
I mean, i know it ain't your fault, but it's eight weeks since i've been paid.
Oh, i understand.
I really hate to do it, mr.
Winter, but a man's got to eat.
Andy praskins, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! Jackie the best boss a man could work for.
Who said that, andy? Who said it? I did, miss benson, and i meant it.
And this is the way you repay the best boss a man could work for? By quitting him just when he needs you the most? I said i hate to do it.
Well, then why do it? I mean, just because of a little setback it ain't just a little setback, and you know it.
And so does mr.
Winter.
This paper is finished, miss benson.
It was finished the minute thegazettemoved into town.
How you gonna buck a syndicate like that? They can pour thousands of dollars into that operation, lose every penny and still not feel it.
They've got a half dozen reporters, a morning edition, a night edition.
I ask you, how you gonna lick that? You're not.
Right.
So i say, join 'em.
You mean you are going to work forthem? Yes, miss benson, beginning tomorrow.
And if you're smart get out of here, andy.
Just get out of here.
Andy.
Yes, mr.
Winter? Good luck.
Thank you, sir.
I still say you're the best.
Good-bye.
Oh, boy! That's gratitude for you.
After all the times you've stayed up until midnight correcting his mistakes.
Jackie the days off you gave him.
Jackie well, can't you ever get mad at anything around here except chairs? That wasandy praskins who walked out.
Our linotype operator.
Don't you realize that? I know.
Well, then why didn't you do something? Do something?! I'd do anything i could to save this place, anything but andy's right.
It's too late.
I'm through.
Oh, no.
Oh, don't say that.
Please don't say it.
Why, this was your dream, doug.
Well, right now, i'm i'm awake.
Miss benson, why don't you go home? I've got a lot of work to do.
Oh, doug, let me just stay.
You heard me.
You go on home.
I'm a very busy man.
Well, what are you going to do? Right now, i'm going to see you to the front door.
Will you be all right? Yeah, sure.
It's not the end of the world, you know.
Call me if you need me, will you? Young man.
Might i trouble you for a match? Yeah.
Sure.
It's a lovely night, isn't it? Lovely spot, too.
Smell the pines.
It's a pity you have to leave it all.
What do you mean? Well, you were about to commit suicide, weren't you? That's none of your business.
I agree.
If a man wants to do away with himself, i say that's his decision, nobody else's.
But i do think you ought to make a good job of it.
This looks very uncertain to me, frankly.
You might end up with nothing more than a head cold.
I certainly wouldn't want to risk it.
By the way, did you find a match? No, i i don't have one.
Well, doesn't matter.
Good night.
Aren't you going to jump? Why, do you want to watch? No, heavens no.
But i was just thinking, if you aren't going to, perhaps you wouldn't mind giving me a lift into town? Now, i don't want you to change your plans on my behalf, you understand.
Yeah.
Come on.
Well, thank you.
Wait a minute.
I found a light.
Take away a man's dream, fill him with whiskey and despair, send him to a lonely bridge, let him stand there all by himself, looking down at the black water, and try to imagine the thoughts that are in his mind.
You can't, i can't but there's someone who can, and that someone is seated next to douglas winter right now.
The car is headed back toward town, but its real destination is the twilight zone.
Thank you very much.
Young man, i hope you're not planning to drink alone.
I was unless, of course, you'd like to join me.
I'd be delighted.
Well feeling better? Not yet.
Hi, mr.
Winter.
Oh, hi, molly.
Give me a martini, will you? Make it a double.
The same.
Uh, mr.
Winter, could i see you for a second? What about? Well, um oh, yes.
Yes, the tab.
I'm sorry, but mr.
Foster says that from now on, it's got to be cash.
Please, allow me.
Now, molly, run and get those drinks, will you? And tell mr.
Foster to make them strong.
Will you do that? Run, girl, run.
Mm! That's a lush one, isn't it? Full of fire, too, i'll wager.
I wouldn't know.
You wouldn't? Pity.
Uh, thank you very much for the drink, mister, uh smith.
Um, my name is douglas winter.
Thedouglas winter, the editor? Ex-editor.
Wait, why "ex"? It's a long, sad story, mr.
Smith.
You wouldn't be interested.
Oh, but i would.
I would indeed.
You see, you are the reason that i've journeyed to dansburg.
You must be a creditor.
No, not yet, anyhow.
No, the fact is, i'm a newspaperman.
I was hoping to secure a position with your paper.
I'm sorry.
If you'd have called, i'd save you a trip.
Why? Thecourieris dead, mr.
Smith.
L-l-i don't understand.
There's not much to understand.
The bragg syndicate opened a paper here called thegazette, and they murdered us.
Ah, i see.
No, uh, keep it, my dear, in payment for your lovely smile.
Thank you, sir.
She moves fast for a big one.
Mr.
Winter do you suppose thegazettecould use a good linotype operator? I doubt it.
They just grabbed my best man today.
Why? That's my specialty, along with the reporting.
You mean you're a reporter and a linotype operator? Absolutely.
If i may dispense with false modesty, i'd count myself among the best in both fields.
Perhapsthebest.
You were about to say something.
Well, then i'll say it.
You put me to work at once, ithinkwe can save thecourier.
How can i put you to work? I can't even pay my bar tab.
Well, that's simple.
I'll waive salary until you're in the black.
That's crazy.
I might never be in the black.
Well, it's a chance, but it's better than anything you have now.
Are you sure you know how to operate a linotype machine? Mr.
Winter, that's like asking paganini if he can play the fiddle.
I'm a virtuoso.
Show me.
With pleasure.
Good night, molly.
Good night, mr.
Winter.
Doug! Jackie.
Doug, where have you been? I've been calling your home all eve ning oh, uh, jackie, i'd like you to meet mr.
Smith.
Uh, this is miss benson, my most valuable employee.
Secondmost valuable, mr.
Winter.
Secondmost valuable.
Very good, mr.
Smith.
Let's see how long it takes you to copy this lead story.
Right over there.
Certainly.
Who is he, anyway? I don't know.
Well, it's not the latest model, but it's agoodone.
Now ah! Listen to it hum.
Kindly hold that cigar for me.
Keep it burning.
Well, if he doesn't play chopin'spolonaise, i'll be disappointed.
May i have my cigar back? Oh yes.
Put it in my mouth, please.
I may have to make a few modifications, but on the whole, it's infinecondition.
A little stiff, perhaps.
What's the matter? Matter? Why did you quit? Finished.
That's impossible! See for yourself.
Mr.
Smith why would a man with your talent want to work for a hick paper like thecourier? Call it a challenge.
Well, miss benson, are you impressed? No.
I'm amazed.
It's understandable.
Well, i must confess that this is not my true vocation.
It isn't? No.
I'm a reporter.
Oh.
Some people have a green thumb.
I have a green nose.
Wherever there is news, this old nose smells it.
I'm afraid there isn't much news to smell around dansburg, mr.
Smith.
There will be.
Well, am i hired? You would be, if i had a paper.
But i haven't got one, and there's no use kidding myself.
This all belongs to the banks and the finance companies, and they're ready to collect.
Aw.
How much would it take to pay them off? Oh, roughly $4,861.
23.
Oh i might be able to manage that.
Uh you want to make us a loan? Perhaps.
Would you excuse us for a minute, please? What do you think? Well, if he'd made that offer ten minutes ago, i'd have thought he was kidding or crazy, but now l-i don't know.
I mean, what's in it for him? Beats me.
But i'm going to give it a go.
Yeah, but there's something it's a chance to stay in business! After all, what have i got to lose? That's right.
What have you got to lose? Gives you a funny feeling, doesn't it? "Paid in full.
" "Paid in full.
" Who but that old rooster would carry $5,000 cash around in his pocket? Well, speak of the devil.
Excuse the interruption, but how long would it take you to get an edition onto the streets? We're not due out until 4:00.
I mean, an extraedition.
A couple of hours on a short run.
Be a hassle, though.
Would it be worth the hassle if you could beat the gazetteto a scoop? Depends on the scoop.
Here.
Holy Well, that was only a half an hour ago! I'll check it out.
You doubt my veracity, hmm? It's standard operating procedure, mr.
Smith.
You ought to know that.
Uh, let me speak to mr.
Underwood, please.
Well, never mind.
Maybe you can help me.
We just had a report of a robbery thank you.
Okay, let's go to work! Yes, sir.
I told you i had a nose for news! Hey, extra! Big bank robbery today! Extra! Read all about it! Extra! Read about the big stick-up! Robbers take $15,000! Read about it! Extra! Extra! Robbers take $15,000! Here you go, sir.
Thank you.
Get your extra! Read about today's bank robbery! Read about thank you, sir.
There you are.
Read all there you are.
Read all about today's bank robbery! There you are, sir.
Follow me.
I don't believe it.
I'll check it.
I don't think she trusts me.
Of course, it isn't much, but it sells papers.
How did you find this out? Hmm? How did you find this out?! I told you i had a nose for news.
You like it, don't you? Mr.
Smith, i can't think of anything i like better.
Harold j.
Swanson! "for 13 years, "principal of dansburg high school "confessed to police today "that he is married to two women and is a bigamist.
" I just talked to mr.
Swanson.
And? It's true! He has two wives.
High school principal exposed as bigamist! Hey, late paper's out! Read all about it! Subscriptions! You're kidding.
I amnotkidding.
Do you realize that in two weeks, our circulation has tripled? Beautiful! Well, well, well, mr.
Franklin.
How are things at thegazette? That's exactly why i'm here, mr.
Winter.
Miss benson.
I'm not a man to beat around the bush, but you're giving us trouble.
Now, this quick success that you've had just can't last.
You've had a few lucky breaks.
That's all.
But i'll admit, we're hurting.
How does it feel, mr.
Franklin? I'm authorized to make you an offer, and if you're a smart young man- i understand that you are- you'll take it.
An offer for what? Thecourier.
We buy it; you and your staff go to work for us.
Now, how does that sound? Sorry.
Thecourier isn't for sale.
Not at any price? Not at any price.
Now, you certainly don't think that you can fight us, do you? Oh, we can try, mr.
Franklin.
Well, then you're not quite as smart a young man as i thought you were.
But i will leave that offer open until 7:00 tonight.
If i don't hear from you by that time, you better lay in yourself a good supply of tin cups.
Thank you.
How much do you think he'd give you? Well, if they're as worried as franklin looks, i imagine around $100,000.
why? I was just wondering.
Honey, what's the matter? Things have never gone better, have they? I'm not so sure.
Here we are.
Oh, hi, mr.
Smith.
I have a little surprise for you.
I don't think i can take another one.
You'll take this, all right.
Happens to be the biggest scoop of them all.
You read it, and i'll get things going.
Almost afraid to look.
Twilight zonewill continue after station identification.
Look, i don't blame you of being upset, but that gives you no reason to toss allegations around! Allegations? Facts.
Now, you started that fire, and you're going to pay for it.
I told you a thousand times, i didn't start the fire! Now, how many times do i have to tell you? I don't care how many times you tell me.
Your newspapers were out on that street exactly one half hour after it happened, and to me, that means only one thing: That youknew it was going to happen.
All right, i'll explain it to you one more time.
Our new man was walking by your building, and he saw the smoke, and he came in yeah, and then back here, and in one half hour, he wrote the complete story, ran off 5,000 copies on that dilapidated equipment of yours, delivered it to the corner newsboy, and you expect me to believe that? Now, what kind of a stupid idiot do you think i am? Well, let's not get into that, shall we? It just so happens i have witnesses as to my whereabouts for the whole day.
Now, will you get out of here? We have a lot of work to do.
You haven't heard the last of this.
Doug? Yeah? Howdidwe hit on the street so fast? I don't know.
Well, do you believe him? Who? Mr.
Smith! Do you believe he justhappened to be passing by? Well, boss, what can i do for you? Answer a question.
Did you start thegazettefire? I? You.
I'm afraid i don't understand the question.
I don't see why not.
It's very simple.
Did you start thegazettefire? It was started by a faulty electrical system.
Are you sure? I never write up anything i'm not sure of.
It's a question of ethics.
Oh, by the way andy praskins called.
He's the linotype operator i told you about.
I think i'll hire him back and put you on full-time reporting.
No, no, no, that wouldn't do.
Now, i've made certain, uh, modifications to this machine.
I wouldn't want anybody else to touch it.
Would spoil everything.
Besides, it breaks up the day for me.
You can hire him back, by all means, but, uh, give him another job.
I insist.
Okay.
Hey, come on, now, you still haven't told me.
Exactly how did you meet mr.
Smith? Oh, brother.
You don't give up very easy, do you? Well, i want to know.
I told you, i just ran into him that night.
That's all.
Where? Pine trail.
What were you doing there? Shooting butterflies.
What else would i be doing there? Well, you don't have to get so sarcastic about it.
I was only asking.
Well, i told you.
I just met him and i hired him, and he put us back in business.
What's wrong with that? I smell trouble.
Trouble? We just picked up We're selling out every day.
I've been dreaming about that kind of trouble all my life.
Hey, what's the matter with you? There's nothing the matter.
Yes, there is.
You're different.
You've changed.
"You're different.
You've changed.
" You're beginning to sound like a wife! Well, i'm not your wife, and i never will be, at this rate.
Well, that's okay with me, too.
Mr.
Smith? What's on the machine? I was hoping to surprise you with it later.
"E.
j.
Macleod wins $250,000 on sweepstakes ticket.
" "Macleod, for 16 years clerk at the dansburg water and power comp" uh, mr.
Macleod? This is doug winter down at thecourier.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I was just wondering, have you heard anything on your sweepstakes ticket? I see.
Oh, no, no, sir, l-i haven't heard a thing.
Sorry to bother you.
Right.
Good night.
Mm? I hate to tell you but i'm afraid this time, you pulled a boner.
Macleod doesn't know anything about it.
I didn't say he knew anything about it.
I said hewonit.
What are you talking about? How can you win $250,000 and not know about it? By not bothering to look under the door for a telegram.
Courier.
Winter speaking.
Congratulations.
You see? Now, boss, would you have a chair, please? I think that the, uh time has come when you and i should have a little chat, hmm? I think the occasion calls for a touch of "the creature," if i may say so.
Sorry.
I'm fresh out.
I think you'll find you're mistaken.
Right there in that top drawer, hmm? With my compliments.
You think of everything, don't you? Now, first of all i should like to ask whether or not you are happy with the way things have been going.
Just what are you leading up to, mr.
Smith? A simple proposition.
I hereby guarantee- you understand- guarantee- that you will become the most successful newspaper editor in the world, if you will affix your signature to this little document.
"I, douglas winter, agree to relinquish "my immortal soul to the bearer upon my death in exchange for his services.
" "I, d" what? Huh? You're the devil! Oh, mr.
Winter.
As a sophisticated, intelligent youknowthat the devil does not exist.
True? True.
But you also know that the world is full of eccentric, rich old men- crazy old men doing all kinds of things for crazy reasons.
Now, why don't you think of me like that? Here's a pen.
This is ridiculous! Yes, isn't it? Could i, uh trouble you for another drink? Uh, you don't really believe that i'm the devil, do you? No.
Well, then, why don't you put it this way: You're humoring me.
After all, what good is the soul, anyway? It's sort of like an appendix these days, particularly since it doesn't exist in the first place.
Well, just for the sake of argument, why do you particularly want mine? Well, for the sake of argument, let's say i'm something of a connoisseur, and you have a very choice soul, and as the vintners say, it's a good year.
Well, then again, uh, just for sake of argument yes? Why don't you just take it, huh? Now, if you're the devil as you say you are, why, you can do everything.
No, unhappily, not everything.
I am bound by certain rules, and i do have my limitations.
You're nuts.
Yes.
Let's drink to that, huh? Here you are.
I think i should warn you, however, that if you do not sign this, then the certain gloomy predictions you made about thecourier'sfuture will certainly come to pass.
Yes, i'll have to resign, and well, let's not even consider such a proposition.
After all, you don't want to go visiting that bridge again, do you? Hardly.
No.
Yeah.
Now why not humor an old man? It'll mean such a lot to me.
And if you don't sign it, it would be admitting fear and belief.
You're not afraid, are you? No.
Fancy that! A grown-up man who believes in the devil! Give me that stupid thing! There.
Now, let's not hear any more about this, shall we? Good morning, miss benson.
Good morning, mr.
Smith.
Doug? Doug, wake up.
Hmm? Wake up! Hmm? Oh.
What, you sleep here last night? What happened? Here, have some coffee.
Oh.
Yeah, i worked late last night.
Guess i fell asleep.
Thanks.
Have you seen this? Ah.
What? Oh, no! Doug, what is going on? What is the matter? Why, these papers were on the newsstand less than an hour after it happened.
Who ran them off? Who delivered them? Ask mr.
Smith.
I'm askingyou.
Leave me alone, will you?! Lovely dress you're wearing, miss benson.
What do you want? A bit of fire, hmm? Ah, yes.
Hmm? Keep them.
Thank you.
You and i are going to be great friends, my dear.
Extra, extra! Honeymooners drown in lake bundy! Read all about it! Thank you, sir.
Extra, extra! Extra! Banker murders wife! Read all about it! Extra! Get your late papers here! Doug, i'm scared! These things just can't be happening! You've got to fire him.
I can't.
Why not? You paid back the loan.
You don't owe him a thing.
I know, i know, but i can't, that's all! Now, believe me, i can't! Why? Just kick him out! On what grounds? I don't know- incompetence.
Oh, come on, now, you know he's a very competent linotype operator and a great reporter.
Do you want him around? It isn't a question of wanting him around then what is it?! He'srunning the newspaper now.
Not you, him! He's doing a pretty good job of it, too, isn't he? We're selling out every edition! Oh, you're selling out more than that.
A lot more.
Good-bye, doug.
Jackie? Aren't you being a little hasty? Would you mind you own business? Thisismy business.
I have a proprietary interest in everything connected with thecourier.
Well, i am no longer connected with thecourier, mr.
Smith.
Miss benson, i wish you'd reconsider.
The fact is, i've developed a very special fondness for you.
Will you please get out of my way? You'll besorry you did that! Where's jackie? Love's labor lost, my friend.
She's gone, vanished.
But don't worry we can do withouther.
The person we can do without isyou.
That's an ungrateful thing to say to a friend who pulled you out of bankruptcy and turned thecourier into the hottest journal in the state! Well, let me tell you something, mr.
Smith.
It's not worth it.
I had a nightmare about a weird little man with a crooked cigar who caused terrible things to happen so he could get scoops for my paper.
Well, i'm awake now, and i want you out of here! Not so fast! What about our contract? What about our contract? You said you'd doanything to make your paper a success.
I heard you.
That's why i came.
Well, i've carried out my part.
You are a success.
If you're not a nightmare, then you're something even worse, because somehow you'vemadethese things happen.
You've caused tragedy.
You've destroyed life and property.
I didn't bargain for this! Oh, yes, you did, but you put it out of your mind.
You thought you'd get everything for nothing.
That's not the way life works.
Well, don't worry about it.
You're not the first editor i've helped.
I don't want your help.
I want you out of my life! Can't do that now.
We have an obligation between us.
There is no way out.
Hold it! There's one way, of course.
And what's that? You can pay up, right now.
I suppose that means that you can't take my immortal soul while i'm alive and walking around, is that it? Something like that.
Now, wait, wait.
This old nose smells a story coming in.
May solve everything.
Ah! A shame- poor miss benson.
What about miss benson? "At 11:30 tonight, miss jacqueline benson, "former secretary to douglas winter, "editor of thecourier, suffered grave injuries" "suffered grave injuries "resulting from a head-on collision between her car "and that of james edward slocum, "returning from a skiing trip.
The accident took place on bascomb road.
" That won't stop it.
You still think i'm a nightmare, do you? You change it.
I can't change it.
The little modifications i made altered this machine quite a bit.
Whatever it writes comes to pass.
But why jackie? What did she ever do to you? She slapped me.
And you'd destroy her for that? Of course not! You're an intelligent man, but you keep missing the point.
Don't you see i've spent too much time with you already? I have other clients waiting.
I want to move on.
I figured this story about your girlfriend would hurry things up.
Let me point out that the item did not say that she died of her injuries- not yet.
I can add a few lines either way.
Whether she lives or dies depends on you.
Now, if you decide to conclude the contract, you'll find this a lot surer than the bridge.
Quicker, too.
That leaves youthree.
Where you going? There's got to be some way to stop you, and i'm going to find it! That's the spirit.
Never give up.
But remember, you only have one hour and 15 minutes.
Jackie? Jackie? Jackie! Hush! You want to wake up the whole building? Where's miss benson? She ain't in.
Well, where did she go? Well, that's none of my concern.
When did she leave? Well well, what's the mattter? When did she leave?! Oh, a-a-about 15 minutes ago, i think.
But what's the what's? Mr.
Smith, i want to talk to you.
Oh? First, i want to apologize for slapping you.
Tush, it's nothing at all.
Second, i want to ask something of you.
What might that be? I want you to go away.
Now, i know you've done a great deal for the paper.
We appreciate that.
But i love doug.
I want to marry him.
But the way he's been acting ever sinceyoucame- i don't even recognize him anymore.
He's a different person! You think that's due to my influence? Yes, i do and i am going to get you out of this town, away from this paper, away from doug, or, so help me hold it, hold it! Don't become hysterical.
Well, i mean it.
Ireally no need to say another word, because i'm leaving of my own free will.
You are? Of course! I never stay where i'm not wanted.
I have other offers, you know.
In fact, i'm quitting this very moment.
You are? Certainly.
My only request is that you drive me.
I have no car, you know, to drive me to the airport.
Well certainly.
I'd love to.
Very well.
I'm ready.
Well, what about doug? Oh, i thinkhe can take care of himself, hmm? Would you like me to drive? All right.
We'll go by the bascomb road.
Hi, mr.
Winter.
Have you seen jackie? Oh, miss benson? No.
She hasn't been in since lunch time.
What's the matter, mr.
Winter? You look terrib well, can i get you something? Too fast! Why, this is too fast! Too fast! Oh, look out! Mr.
Smith? Mr.
Smith?! Doug! Oh, doug! Jackie! Oh, jackie! Doug, mr.
Smith- he tried to kill me! He tried to kill me! I know.
We were in this car, and he kept going faster! And there was this other car coming at us, and he headed straight for that car! But it's all right now.
It's all over.
He was sitting right there next to me, and then then he was gone! What's going on?! What happened?! Tell me! Listen to this: "Mr.
Smith, former star reporter "and chief linotype operator "for thecourier resigned his position "and left dansburg for his home "at 11:29 this evening.
"His contract with mr.
Douglas winter "was declared null and void "owing to mr.
Winter's incomplete understanding of the terms of the document.
" Contract? What contract? It means that he'sgone! Gone? And he won't be back.
Did he say so? No, but he never goes anyplace he's not invited.
What do you mean, invited? Did you invite him here in the first place? Well in a way, i did.
In a way, i did.
And i'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for it, too.
The first thing we do is get rid of this machine! Why? And then we're going to take on thegazette! Doug, will you please explain this?! I don't know what i will, i will, i will.
I'll tell you- maybe tomorrow.
Right now, let's get out of here.
Exit the infernal machine, and with it, his satanic majesty, lucifer, prince of darkness- otherwise known as mr.
Smith.
He's gone, but not for good.
That wouldn't be like him.
He's gone forbad.
And he might be back with another ticket to the twilight zone.
For our next show, mr.
Dana andrews makes his first visit to the twilight zone in a show called "no time like the past.
" You'll see him as a discontented inhabitant of the 20th century who goes back in time- back to what we assume to be the inviolate past- and violates it.
A walloping performance, a strange and odd-ball theme, and an ending most unexpected in the tradition of the twilight zone.
You and i both share this dubious distinction with several million of our peers who inhabit the 20th century.
And you don't care for the 20th century? I do not.
How did you know? You did, didn't you? Yes, i knew.
I knew there'd be a fire.
But what i didn't know- i didn't know that i would cause it.