Baskets (2016) s04e10 Episode Script

1 [LINE RINGS.]
AUTOMATED VOICE: You have reached the voice-mail box of CHIP: Chip from Baskets.
At the tone, please record your voice message.
- [BEEP.]
- Hey, Chip.
It's Martha.
Um, I've called a few times and, uh, didn't leave a message.
Um, are you mad at me? I'm not sure what happened, but, um but I apologize if I did anything.
Um, I heard that the rodeo's shutting down, and so maybe you just need some space, um, or maybe you need to talk to somebody, and if that's, uh, the case, uh, just give me a jangle.
- Um - [LINE BEEPS.]
Oh.
Did I tell you the cats really missed you? 'Cause Ronald Reagan, I found him sleeping in your undies drawer.
[SIGHS.]
: Oh.
Ah, I'm just glad that the carpet emergency is over.
I am, too, honey, and you did really good.
I'm really proud of you, but I really missed you.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Thanks.
We sure about this move, baby? Oh, honey, yeah.
You know, I never really liked this place.
Well, I will call the broker and see if I can list it.
Oh, please do, and find out what kind of beat we're gonna take on that damn equity thing.
- [RINGTONE PLAYING.]
- [GROANS.]
Who wants what? Oh, God.
Hey, Martha.
Hey, Mrs.
Baskets.
Have you heard from Chip? No.
You know, honey, he's a brooder.
You got to give him time.
He'll come around.
Are you sure he's not upset about losing the rodeo? We're all upset, honey.
It worked out the way it did, and you have to live with it.
He'll come around.
But I've got some exciting news: Ken and I are moving to Denver.
Wow.
This is a lot of info to process.
Well, you're telling me.
I'm a California girl going to a cold climate and I don't even have a winter coat.
Oh.
Hi, Susan.
Susan's here.
You know, that cat reminds me of you, Martha.
Hey, Martha, where could I get a good coat? Um, I think Burlington Coat Factory is known for their coats.
Oh, that's so perfect.
Martha, I'm gonna miss you and all the kids.
But I guess you have your own lives now, but I hope we stay in touch.
Well, do you want to, like, exchange addresses and be pen pals or something? No, honey, there's no writing letters.
Take a flight.
Get one of those cheapie airline flights like on Southwest or Spirit.
- Um, yeah, I don't really like South - I love you, Martha.
Hang in there.
Chip will come around.
- Bye, honey.
- [LINE CLICKS.]
Uhp, she hung up.
[SIGHS.]
Hi.
Chip, I heard about the rodeo and your mom moving away.
It sounds like a lot.
I think maybe you're annoyed with me 'cause I asked if you were mad at me, but I brought you something.
It's kind of an olive branch.
Hello.
Can I help you? Hang on, Chip.
I've got a situation.
Hi.
Were you here to see the place, or? Kind of.
[ALARM BEEPS QUIETLY.]
Wow, he decorated.
Oh, the-the apartment's for sale, so the furniture is fake.
- But - Well, it looks real.
- Wait, he moved out? - Yeah, I know, right? He's never gonna walk to the bullet train station.
Well, did he leave a forwarding address or anything? I believe he did.
I can look it up.
Okay.
Um, do you want a hat rack? That's okay.
I'll look the address up.
[BLOWS SOFTLY.]
[WATER TRICKLING.]
There's nothing like it, is there? I mean, it's so peaceful.
And we're growing everything for ourselves.
Oh, and look, that's a loquat.
Looks like a large kumquat.
Yeah, but it's a loquat.
What do they taste like? Like, um, a kiwi.
Or kind of like kumquat.
MARTHA: Sorry to bother you.
TAMMY: Oh, it's no bother at all.
I was just out backpicking these fabulous tomatoes.
You really ought to try one.
They are incredible.
No, thanks, Tammy.
Um, I'm looking for Chip.
Really? And why is that? Um, a lot of reasons.
I don't know exactly, um I think I do.
You're worried about him and you care about him.
Is he here? I'm not at liberty to say.
But I can tell you that he's finally serious about working on himself.
Well, I really want to speak to him.
Did he contact you? No.
Martha, have you considered that you might be overidentified with Chip and that you're sublimating your own issues by coming out here to save him? [TAMMY SIGHS.]
He really needs to go through this on his own, and it's best that you leave him alone.
Dear go home.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Dale? Dale? Dale, is that you Sorry.
Excuse me, sir.
Sir, do you know Dale? You IRS? No, sir, I'm just looking for Dale Baskets.
I thought I smelled a nice perfume wafting through the RV park.
What is that, Lady Old Spice? Dale, something serious is going on.
Martha, is this a ploy of some sort? Do you still have feelings for me? [GROANS.]
Not now.
- Can we talk? - Okay.
Well, it sounds like she's brainwashing him.
MARTHA: Well, not exactly.
I mean, it's supposed to help him.
She's helped a lot of people.
You just give her a few thousand dollars and move into her compound, and then Uh, you give her a few thousand dollars and move into her compound? - Just a few, huh? - He's in a cult, Martha.
He's in a cult.
He may be one of 100 husbands to this woman right now.
That's right.
Or even if he's the fifth husband, I have a problem with that.
MARTHA: Oh, my God.
This is crazy.
What are we gonna do about Chip? We can lure him out.
Wait, how will we do that? Sugar cubes.
For Chip? Sugar activates the opiate receptors in your brain.
People can't resist it.
That's why women eat so much chocolate on their periods.
Anything he likes, what do you know that he is very fond of? - [FLY BUZZES.]
- [CLATTERING.]
Okay.
I think I know what he likes.
[PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MELODY.]
PENELOPE: You know me - Oh, you know me - You know me Too well But if all those petty fears Make every woman blind Every woman Blind [MUSIC STOPS.]
[MUFFLED.]
: Hey, Penelope.
Sounds good.
PENELOPE: Martha.
- I love your style.
- Oh, thanks, Penelope.
- You don't want any tea? - Oh, no, thanks.
I stopped at Starbucks four times on the way down here, so I'm kind of jacked.
Okay.
Um, I can't believe Chip is in a cult.
- Yeah.
- It doesn't sound like him at all.
And I wonder if it's not just a performance or something, like, a clowning, you know? Um, I don't know.
Uh, the last I heard, he gave up "clooning.
" Oh.
Well, so, what can I do? PENELOPE: Chip.
Penelope, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? How are you? I tried calling.
Oh, I threw out my cell phone.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Nice.
Are you a farmer now? I mean, what are you doing? Well, I'm just, you know, I'm just trying to refocus my brain, in a way.
Um, I I'm medit I know it sounds ridiculous coming from me.
- No, no.
- But I'm med I'm meditating, and, yeah, it's silly, but it seems to I like it.
I do.
- What happened to your clowning? - [INSECT BUZZES.]
You always said I was a bad clown.
Is that a bee? [LAUGHING.]
No.
- Did I miss it? - Look.
You're funny.
You're a clown, whatever you do.
TAMMY: Penelope.
Penelope, Chip is healing here.
I think it's time for you to go.
Oh, really? Um, yes, I just wanted to show him something that I bought for him.
Okay.
You want to I'll show you.
Okay, sure, sure, yeah.
It's a beautiful place here.
- Yeah, she's had it for a, for a while.
- Oh.
- I'm sorry, Chip.
- What is this? I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
What's going on?! Let go of me! - I'm so sorry, so sorry.
- Penelope, what's going on?! Martha, is that you?! Martha! - Dale, I can smell your cologne! - DALE: Shut up, sissy! - [GUNSHOT.]
[MARTHA SCREAMS.]
- DALE: Oh, stray bullet! - Martha! - In the van! Get in the van! - M-Martha's on the ground! - She's fine.
- Go, guys! - Martha.
DALE: Go, go, go! [DALE LAUGHING.]
[SHOUTING IN FRENCH.]
Oh.
Are you okay? [SAW BUZZING.]
MRS.
BASKETS: Martha.
- What happened? - Hi, Mrs.
Baskets.
I brought you some flowers.
They say it cheers people up.
I don't like 'em myself, but - Well, thanks.
- [SIGHS.]
Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Chip.
What about Chip? Well, all the stuff with Tammy.
Tammy? W-What? Um, I introduced Chip to my life coach.
You know, like, haven't you noticed a difference in me? Well, I thought it would help Chip, too.
I introduced them, and then he just took it a lot farther than I thought he would and moved up there and paid her a bunch of money to pick vegetables and he sold his condo.
[GROANS.]
: Oh.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
[MUTTERS SOFTLY.]
I got to sit down.
[SIGHS.]
: Oh.
Sold the condo? That kid.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
[SIGHS.]
- DALE: Hey, mama.
- MRS.
BASKETS: Hey, honey.
- How is he? - Well, I had to lock his ass up.
He's a danger to himself and society.
KEN: Are you okay? Yeah.
Chip? - Chip? - [GOAT BLEATS.]
Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord.
Mom, finally you're here.
- Listen, I-I'm not in a cult.
- [GOAT BLEATS.]
I-I-I don't need this.
Okay? And-and how's Martha, by the way? It's worse than I thought.
What is? - Honey, are you even in there? - What? What did they give you? Cough syrup? Some sort of s-special syrup? Some sort of breakfast with stuff in it? Are you done with your line of questioning? Well, honey, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what happened to my son Chip.
He's right here, but I happen to be - in a freaking goat prison! - [GOAT BLEATS.]
Honey, is this all because of Sacramento? - Are you mad about that? - No, I'm just I'm trying to do something different, Mom, okay? And I'm just, you know, trying to find out who I really am.
You're Chip Baskets.
Chip Baskets.
Now stop being so ridiculous.
My Mom, my-my feelings are not ridiculous.
When you went to sell the rodeo without even consulting me, I felt erased.
I'm not an extension of you.
Is this you talking or is this that Tiffany talking? Her name is Tammy.
Is this Tammy talking or you talking? It's me talking, Mom.
Where is she, Chip? I need an address.
I don't Mom, do not talk to her.
Mom, please.
Where is she? - Do not talk to her.
- I'll find her.
- I will.
- Mom.
Mom.
I'm gonna find her.
I-I will Chip.
Chip.
It's a good thing you are locked up.
Grabbing your mother! [GOAT BLEATS.]
Okay, this is the hole in one, girls.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Don't you doubt me.
[LAUGHS.]
[VEHICLE WHIRRING IN DISTANCE.]
What's that? Can you please get off the center of the fairway? MAN: Ladies, can we get this show on the road? Well, I would love to, but there seems to be some kind of commotion on the green.
See? Move! What have you done to my son? Oh, no.
You're stopping up the whole golf course.
Well, it's her fault! She brainwashed my son, and I'm not leaving here till I get some answers.
It's okay, everybody.
I've got this under control.
Know what? We're just gonna go on ahead.
- Excuse me.
- [SIGHS.]
Enjoy your soap opera.
You must be Christine Baskets.
You're exactly the way Chip described you.
Well, I'm really sorry, but I have no idea where Chip is.
He walked away from my house and he hasn't contacted me since.
Well, you're responsible for whatever happens to Chip.
Chip is his own person.
He's making his own choices, and frankly they're very good ones right now.
So if you hear from him or you see him, just tell him that I'd love for him to come back.
The door is open.
For you, too, by the way.
Ha! Good one.
Is that how she got you ladies? Are you part of the cult? Are you in a trance right now? - [CHUCKLES.]
- Mm.
They look really out of it.
Christine do you really want Chip living at home with you for the rest of his life? He wants to improve himself if you'll let him.
I did let him improve himself.
I gave him the money for the down payment on the condo.
Where do you think he got the money that he gave you? It was from me.
And that wasn't his money to give to some charlatan.
He likes what I have to offer.
A lot of people do.
He likes shiny things.
Well, he signed a contract with us.
- Do you want to be his mommy? - No.
No.
I'm his mommy.
He's already got one.
And you're gonna do him more damage day after day after day.
- Mm-hmm.
- I can see it in your eyes.
- [LOCK CLICKING.]
- Oh.
What's going on? - Get over here.
- What? - I want to spank you! - Mom! - What are you doing? Ow! - [MUTTERING.]
- I am so mad at you! - Ow! - Mom, what are you Stop! - Why would you give that woman all that money?! It's my money.
I can do what I want, Mom.
My buttocks is killing me.
For God's sakes, this woman doesn't care about you.
She's taking advantage of a vulnerable person.
You know, sometimes I think you just want to fail at life.
You know, sometimes I think you just want to fail at life.
Oh, really? Like I, like I f-failed at-at clown college and I fail at the rodeo? Oh, God.
Well, you got to go to clown college.
You got a rodeo.
Or-or-or maybe my-my-my marriage failed because of me? Another woman who was trying to take advantage of you.
Do you think she loved you? I mean, she was a lovely person and very beautiful, talented and all the rest, but I don't think she cared about you.
Mom you need to accept the fact that you you don't always know what's best for me.
Ever since Dad died, you've been trying to fix me.
You know who you should've fixed? Dad.
But I mean fixed down here.
You know what I mean? 'Cause that way, you-you guys would've never had me and what's-his-face.
Dale.
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry, Chip.
I'm sorry, 'cause when your dad died, I was just trying to protect you from all the pain.
Maybe I was trying to fix you.
I don't know.
Or maybe I was just trying to feel better myself.
I know this: that those people don't care about you.
They're not your family.
[SIGHS.]
Wonder where that goat went.
- [GOAT BLEATS.]
- Oh, there's that old goat.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- He's up to mischief.
[LAUGHS.]
Ah, they say they'll eat anything, won't they? - Yeah, they'll eat anything.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You know, Dale, that's pretty nice, the way you went so far out for your brother.
Sometimes you go a little too far, - but it's really nice.
- [QUIETLY.]
: Well You're a really good brother, you know that? Well, don't try to butter me up too much, Ken.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFS.]
You ever had goat's milk? On my cereal.
Oh.
I once drank it straight from the teat at my Aunt Helen's house when I was a kid.
MRS.
BASKETS: I love you, Chip.
And I have spent the majority of my life trying to help you.
You're my precious boy.
Yeah, well, that's just it, Mom.
I'm not, I'm not a boy.
I'm a grown-up.
And I'm a clown, you know? And when I clown, sometimes I fall and slip on a banana.
And I get back up, and, you know, I step on a rake, and it hits me in the face.
But I get up again, just like I do as a grown-up.
I just want you to treat me like an adult.
And I'll do the same for you.
Well, you can't give that woman that money.
I know.
Sorry about grabbing your your outfit earlier.
Well, it's pretty strong.
And I'm sorry about spanking you.
I'm sure I'm gonna have welts in my left buttocks cheek.
Well, you're all grown up now, so take care of those welts.
[TV PLAYING QUIETLY.]
Hey, I'm looking for Martha Brooks.
- Oh, hey, Chip.
- [TV VOLUME DECREASES.]
Got you these.
Where would you like them? - Um, well, actually - I'll put you want me - to put them over here? - Yeah.
[BALLOONS POP.]
How's your arm? It still works.
You know, that cast saved your arm's life.
Yeah, I guess carpal tunnel has its perks.
[SMACKS LIPS.]
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY.]
Um I'm really sorry about all that stuff with Tammy and Dale and all the roughhousing.
Just got out of hand.
I, uh uh, maybe I got out of hand, too, you know? There's just just a lot of changes.
Mom's moving to Denver.
You're not moving to Denver, are you? Mm-mm.
No.
I have no reason to.
Okay, well, thanks for coming, Chip, but I was watching Judge Joe Brown before you got here, and I think they're about to announce the verdict, so maybe That's it for the visit? I-I've been here for two minutes.
Scoot over.
- What do you mean? - Scooch.
What's this case about? - Uh - Sorry.
.
Well, um, it's this guy says that the lady took his money, but she says that he was her boyfriend and he loaned it to her.
You think the nurse will bring in some popcorn? No.
I know you I know you MRS.
BASKETS: Dale.
Would you help your mother? - Yeah, I'll give you a shove.
- Oh, thank you, honey.
- I love this shawl that you wear.
- Ready? - Isn't it something? - Here, Mom.
It's beautiful.
Oh.
It's part tiger, part rainbow.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
: Ooh.
Well, best of luck to you.
I'll be back before you know it.
Well, take your time.
You're always funny.
KEN: Could someone give me a hand with these last few suitcases? Well, I'm already in.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Well, Mom, all the squeaky toys are accounted for.
Oh, the kitties will be happy about that.
What are you gonna do, honey? [SIGHS.]
You know, I don't know, and I feel pretty good about it.
That's a good attitude.
- I like that.
- I'll give you What are you coming in to Oh, you're gonna give me a hug.
You're so sweet.
Bye, Mom.
- I love you.
- I love you, Chip.
[SIGHS.]
- Bye, Dad.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Bye, son.
- Take care.
- Take care of Mom.
I will.
You know me - KEN: You ready, baby? - MRS.
BASKETS: Ready, baby.
KEN: Let's do it.
MRS.
BASKETS: Let's hit the road, Jack.
- I mean Ken.
- [KEN LAUGHS.]
Well, we finally chased her out of town, didn't we? [CHUCKLES.]
Peace out.
Too well But if all those Petty fears Make every woman