Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s04e10 Episode Script
The Big Sleep ... Not!
What a week, huh? Thank god it's Friday.
Another lonely night at the laundromat, curly? Not if I get lucky.
Ha ha ha ha! Doogie You're notworking another Friday night? What, are you kidding? The man lives in venice, party paradise of the pacific.
You said it.
Party, party, party.
Tonight, someone's throwing a big bash right in my building.
Yeah.
It's supposed to be pretty wild.
Wild.
We got so crazy at Chuck's last party.
It was incredibly hot.
peeled off our clothes, and jumped in the ocean.
It was hilarious.
Looks like it's going to be another hot one tonight.
Must be what, 80 degrees? Hey, Jeff, what's going on? Wow, this is a party.
Just making the rounds.
Hey, gigi! Honey, it's mom and dad calling from Jamaica.
Hi, son.
You'd love montego bay.
The weather's perfect.
The water's warm, and the bikinis are very inspirational.
Oh, David, give me the phone.
We're having a fabulous time.
Who isn't? Even though it's not for a couple of days, happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sure you've made great plans.
Bye.
It's vin.
Tried reaching you at the hospital.
Curly said you were at some big party.
I'm going to the laundromat.
Call me.
You can't be working all the time.
Well, buster, my little wonder fish, what's it going to be? "Chicken with potatoes.
" "Chicken with rice.
" "Fish sticks.
" Ooh, hope it's not an old girlfriend.
Look familiar? Buster? Great.
Take the easy way out.
I'm gathered here today to honor my partner in life, my roommate, buster.
He was a good fish.
He was a loyal fish.
Goodbye, old 39 cent friend.
I hardly knew ye.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
Vincent Who are you? I am the goddess of sleep.
I have come to wrap you.
In a blanket of contented slumber.
But I I can't sleep.
Insomnia.
I I haven't had a good night's sleep.
In three weeks.
That's why I'm here To gently guide you into the land of nod.
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mr.
sandman bring me a dream make her the cutest that I've ever seen bum bum bum bum give her two lips like roses and clover then tell her that her lonesome nights are over sandman I'm so alone don't have nobody to call my own please turn on your magic beam Mr.
sandman, bring me a dream bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mr.
sandman bring her tonight bum bum bum bum tell her to kiss me and hold me tight so please turn on your magic beam Mr.
sandman, bring me please, please, please Mr.
sandman bring me a dream Come back.
Hey, goddess.
Don't leave me here alone.
Where am I? Where am I? You're in the sleep lab at eastman hospital, remember? Oh, I was having the craziest dream.
Hey, I I must have been sleeping.
Wow! Hey, I'm cured.
Boy, I feel great.
How long was I out for? Roughly Four minutes.
Hey, bill, what do you got? "Chronic renal disorder," huh? I read an article in seminars in nephrology.
That suggests that this degree of anemia warrants erythropoietin treatment.
I'd suggest 10,000 units three times a week, subcu.
She's dead.
What else you got? Ooh, "Ellen fukes.
" Howser, get a life.
Fortunately, your polysomnogram shows no evidence that the insomnia is linked to any neurological disorder.
So no brain tumors, no lesions? You're dealing with the breakup of your parents' marriage and the sale of your childhood home, not to mention relocating to the dorm, the end of your relationship with your girlfriend Look, I know all that.
What's my problem? You're human.
The body responds to stress.
In your case, it's fighting its natural instinct to rest and rejuvenate.
So can you give me some pills or something? I'm exhausted.
Sleeping pills will only mask the problem.
We want to solve it by restoring your regular sleep pattern.
Now, I'm going to recommend the bootzin method, and the key is to think of the bed as a place where only sleep occurs.
In my case, that shouldn't be a problem.
Find another place to sleep for a few nights to make sure the problem's not environmental.
O.
K.
Thanks.
Um, would you mind if I kept these brain waves? It's a comfort just to know I have them.
Come in.
Mrs.
fukes Hi.
I'm Dr.
howser.
Congratulations.
A new daughter.
Emily Elizabeth, after my grandmother.
Uh, nice, normal delivery, everything healthy.
Uh You and your baby were due to be released this morning, but you're short of breath? I'm also a little lightheaded.
No, you're not! Why does grandma have to sleep with me? She snores.
Why can't she sleep with John? She's not sleeping with me.
I've got standards.
Shut up, John.
You shut up.
You're really not coming home with us? Hello, Emily sweetie.
Are you ready for your first car ride home with daddy? I'm sorry, honey.
You look like you're breathing fine.
Kids, doesn't mommy look like she's breathing just like she always does.
It's probably nothing serious.
To be safe, Dr.
rickett's scheduled a lung scan.
We want to keep her overnight for observation.
My mother's here, and tomorrow's Thanksgiving, and there's a Turkey to cook and 14 relatives coming to eat it.
Couldn't she come back next week for the lung thing? Delivering a baby's physically very draining.
Why don't we let your wife relax for a while? Kids, let's go.
Goodbye, kids.
Bye, mom.
Bye, mom.
Here you go, Emily.
Go to daddy.
I'm older! Big deal! Bye, honey.
Call you later.
Do they sell turkeys pre-stuffed? Ask your mother.
She knows everything.
Bye.
Ahh! Coming! Hey, thanks for putting me up, doog.
Living in the dorm sucks.
The walls are so thin, I hear the guy next door clearing his adenoids.
Heh-nah heh-nah heh-nah heh-nah.
Thank you for that beautiful recreation.
I just hope this helps.
Well, you know At least we'll get to spend some time together.
I haven't seen you much lately.
Sorry.
Real busy at work.
Well, I'm going to turn in.
Hey, uh, sorry about taking your bed, doog, but my bootzin pamphlet doesn't mention couches.
No problem.
Hey, uh, these sheets fresh? As a new-fallen snow.
Good night, vin.
Good night, doog.
Ahh! Well, it's no good.
Can't sleep.
Dr.
Winston says only to stay in bed if you're going to fall asleep right away.
So, uh, don't worry.
I'm just going to read To myself quietly.
You, uh, you just get some sleep, doog.
Quiet as a mouse.
Good night.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Vinnie Shh.
Quiet as a mouse.
Thyroid cancer first appears as a single firm nodule in the neck.
Symptoms may include hoarse Hoarseness, loss of voice when pressure is applied to the larynx.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Doog.
Doog.
Doog.
Doog, wake up.
Doog, wake up.
Wake up, doog.
What? Feel this lump.
It's thyroid cancer, isn't it? Tell me the truth, am I gonna die? Huh? Yes, you're gonna die, 'cause I'm gonna strangle you, Vinnie.
That's your Adam's apple.
Everyone has one of those.
Thank god.
Thank god, you're a genius.
Rest that beautiful brain.
Sleep.
It's flashlight man! Ah-choo! Oh, I am sorry.
I'm sorry.
That that was a sneeze.
That would not be denied.
O.
K.
, Vinnie, that is it.
I open my house to you, and what thanks do I get? You spray spittle in my face.
That sounds so harsh.
What are you doing? Look, doog, please, I was restless.
Go back to sleep.
You won't hear another peep out of me.
Peep all you want.
I won't be here.
I said I was sorry.
You know, you could single-handedly turn insomnia into a national epidemic.
Oh, sure.
Oh, sure.
Mock my affliction.
You think I like watching the sun rise three weeks in a row? Having my breakfast burrito at 4 A.
M.
? I'm going to the hospital.
There's a friend for you.
Going gets tough for me, so you get going.
Not that that surprises me.
What's that mean? I've only seen you once in the last month.
I don't fit in your great new life anymore.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, no? Let's just take a look at Dr.
howser's big dilemma, shall we? On the one hand, you got new friends, new loft, great parties.
On the other hand, you got whiny little sleep-deprived Italian guy.
Which shall it be Great life, whiny little Italian? Great life, whiny little Italian? Whoops! Good night, Vinnie.
Happy Thanksgiving, howser.
Big wheel keep on turnin' Proud Mary keep on burnin' Burnin' Rollin', rollin' Rollin', rollin' Rollin' down the river Doo, doo, doot, doot Doo, doo, doot, doot Doo, doo, doo, doo, bah, bah, bah, bump Dr.
howser.
Gee, you're up late.
I see Dr.
rickett got your test results back.
He hasn't found anything yet, but I have faith in him.
I know what's wrong with you.
You do? You're suffering from Munchausen syndrome.
I am? What does that mean? In laymen's terms, it means you're a fake.
Uh O.
K.
, I'm busted, but I was planning a miraculous recovery.
I would've given you full credit.
That's very gracious.
Look, I love my family.
I just needed a little time to myself, and hospitals are a great place to hide out in.
I know.
But I promise, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm out of here.
Well, I guess we could order a sponge bath for the morning.
Oh, god, yes.
And then delpino rounds the bend, makes a daring swerve to the left, edging out lemond by a wheel.
The Parisians go wild.
Oui, oui! Oui, oui! Oui, oui! What are you doing? I'm competing in the tour-de-France.
Look, vin, we need to talk.
All right.
Here it is.
I haven't been avoiding you.
I've been avoiding my life.
What, too successful? Too popular? Oh, that's a sob story.
Look, I didn't go to a party on Friday.
I don't even know my neighbors.
I lied Because I was too embarrassed to admit that I have no great new life.
That's fairly pathetic.
Yeah.
What's even more pathetic is that instead of doing something about it, I'm hiding out in the hospital.
At least there I have an identity.
I'm a doctor.
I'm important.
Here I'm just this lonely guy in 38 that nobody knows.
Look at me.
I finally got my wish.
I'm I'm moved out of the house, and what did it get me? I'm I'm scared of the future and turning into a Me, I can't face Thanksgiving.
This is going to be my first major holiday since my family broke up.
It used to be if I had a problem, I'd go next door, climb in the window, and we'd talk.
You're like my brother.
No, I'm not.
We're best friends.
Best friends are better than brothers 'cause we weren't just just stuck together.
We got to choose each other.
Hey, thanks, man.
Well, vin, it's the start of a new tradition.
The first annual howser-delpino Thanksgiving.
You know, in the immortal words of j.
G.
Whittier, ah! On Thanksgiving day, when from east and from west, and from north and from south come the pilgrim and guest.
When the gray-haired new englander sees round his board the old broken links of affection restored.
Guess I should've chosen a shorter quote.
Vincent.
Your shoulder's so soft.
Oh, and the rest of you isn't so bad either.
There you go.
There you go.
Another lonely night at the laundromat, curly? Not if I get lucky.
Ha ha ha ha! Doogie You're notworking another Friday night? What, are you kidding? The man lives in venice, party paradise of the pacific.
You said it.
Party, party, party.
Tonight, someone's throwing a big bash right in my building.
Yeah.
It's supposed to be pretty wild.
Wild.
We got so crazy at Chuck's last party.
It was incredibly hot.
peeled off our clothes, and jumped in the ocean.
It was hilarious.
Looks like it's going to be another hot one tonight.
Must be what, 80 degrees? Hey, Jeff, what's going on? Wow, this is a party.
Just making the rounds.
Hey, gigi! Honey, it's mom and dad calling from Jamaica.
Hi, son.
You'd love montego bay.
The weather's perfect.
The water's warm, and the bikinis are very inspirational.
Oh, David, give me the phone.
We're having a fabulous time.
Who isn't? Even though it's not for a couple of days, happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sure you've made great plans.
Bye.
It's vin.
Tried reaching you at the hospital.
Curly said you were at some big party.
I'm going to the laundromat.
Call me.
You can't be working all the time.
Well, buster, my little wonder fish, what's it going to be? "Chicken with potatoes.
" "Chicken with rice.
" "Fish sticks.
" Ooh, hope it's not an old girlfriend.
Look familiar? Buster? Great.
Take the easy way out.
I'm gathered here today to honor my partner in life, my roommate, buster.
He was a good fish.
He was a loyal fish.
Goodbye, old 39 cent friend.
I hardly knew ye.
It just doesn't get any better than this.
Vincent Who are you? I am the goddess of sleep.
I have come to wrap you.
In a blanket of contented slumber.
But I I can't sleep.
Insomnia.
I I haven't had a good night's sleep.
In three weeks.
That's why I'm here To gently guide you into the land of nod.
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mr.
sandman bring me a dream make her the cutest that I've ever seen bum bum bum bum give her two lips like roses and clover then tell her that her lonesome nights are over sandman I'm so alone don't have nobody to call my own please turn on your magic beam Mr.
sandman, bring me a dream bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mr.
sandman bring her tonight bum bum bum bum tell her to kiss me and hold me tight so please turn on your magic beam Mr.
sandman, bring me please, please, please Mr.
sandman bring me a dream Come back.
Hey, goddess.
Don't leave me here alone.
Where am I? Where am I? You're in the sleep lab at eastman hospital, remember? Oh, I was having the craziest dream.
Hey, I I must have been sleeping.
Wow! Hey, I'm cured.
Boy, I feel great.
How long was I out for? Roughly Four minutes.
Hey, bill, what do you got? "Chronic renal disorder," huh? I read an article in seminars in nephrology.
That suggests that this degree of anemia warrants erythropoietin treatment.
I'd suggest 10,000 units three times a week, subcu.
She's dead.
What else you got? Ooh, "Ellen fukes.
" Howser, get a life.
Fortunately, your polysomnogram shows no evidence that the insomnia is linked to any neurological disorder.
So no brain tumors, no lesions? You're dealing with the breakup of your parents' marriage and the sale of your childhood home, not to mention relocating to the dorm, the end of your relationship with your girlfriend Look, I know all that.
What's my problem? You're human.
The body responds to stress.
In your case, it's fighting its natural instinct to rest and rejuvenate.
So can you give me some pills or something? I'm exhausted.
Sleeping pills will only mask the problem.
We want to solve it by restoring your regular sleep pattern.
Now, I'm going to recommend the bootzin method, and the key is to think of the bed as a place where only sleep occurs.
In my case, that shouldn't be a problem.
Find another place to sleep for a few nights to make sure the problem's not environmental.
O.
K.
Thanks.
Um, would you mind if I kept these brain waves? It's a comfort just to know I have them.
Come in.
Mrs.
fukes Hi.
I'm Dr.
howser.
Congratulations.
A new daughter.
Emily Elizabeth, after my grandmother.
Uh, nice, normal delivery, everything healthy.
Uh You and your baby were due to be released this morning, but you're short of breath? I'm also a little lightheaded.
No, you're not! Why does grandma have to sleep with me? She snores.
Why can't she sleep with John? She's not sleeping with me.
I've got standards.
Shut up, John.
You shut up.
You're really not coming home with us? Hello, Emily sweetie.
Are you ready for your first car ride home with daddy? I'm sorry, honey.
You look like you're breathing fine.
Kids, doesn't mommy look like she's breathing just like she always does.
It's probably nothing serious.
To be safe, Dr.
rickett's scheduled a lung scan.
We want to keep her overnight for observation.
My mother's here, and tomorrow's Thanksgiving, and there's a Turkey to cook and 14 relatives coming to eat it.
Couldn't she come back next week for the lung thing? Delivering a baby's physically very draining.
Why don't we let your wife relax for a while? Kids, let's go.
Goodbye, kids.
Bye, mom.
Bye, mom.
Here you go, Emily.
Go to daddy.
I'm older! Big deal! Bye, honey.
Call you later.
Do they sell turkeys pre-stuffed? Ask your mother.
She knows everything.
Bye.
Ahh! Coming! Hey, thanks for putting me up, doog.
Living in the dorm sucks.
The walls are so thin, I hear the guy next door clearing his adenoids.
Heh-nah heh-nah heh-nah heh-nah.
Thank you for that beautiful recreation.
I just hope this helps.
Well, you know At least we'll get to spend some time together.
I haven't seen you much lately.
Sorry.
Real busy at work.
Well, I'm going to turn in.
Hey, uh, sorry about taking your bed, doog, but my bootzin pamphlet doesn't mention couches.
No problem.
Hey, uh, these sheets fresh? As a new-fallen snow.
Good night, vin.
Good night, doog.
Ahh! Well, it's no good.
Can't sleep.
Dr.
Winston says only to stay in bed if you're going to fall asleep right away.
So, uh, don't worry.
I'm just going to read To myself quietly.
You, uh, you just get some sleep, doog.
Quiet as a mouse.
Good night.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Vinnie Shh.
Quiet as a mouse.
Thyroid cancer first appears as a single firm nodule in the neck.
Symptoms may include hoarse Hoarseness, loss of voice when pressure is applied to the larynx.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Doog.
Doog.
Doog.
Doog, wake up.
Doog, wake up.
Wake up, doog.
What? Feel this lump.
It's thyroid cancer, isn't it? Tell me the truth, am I gonna die? Huh? Yes, you're gonna die, 'cause I'm gonna strangle you, Vinnie.
That's your Adam's apple.
Everyone has one of those.
Thank god.
Thank god, you're a genius.
Rest that beautiful brain.
Sleep.
It's flashlight man! Ah-choo! Oh, I am sorry.
I'm sorry.
That that was a sneeze.
That would not be denied.
O.
K.
, Vinnie, that is it.
I open my house to you, and what thanks do I get? You spray spittle in my face.
That sounds so harsh.
What are you doing? Look, doog, please, I was restless.
Go back to sleep.
You won't hear another peep out of me.
Peep all you want.
I won't be here.
I said I was sorry.
You know, you could single-handedly turn insomnia into a national epidemic.
Oh, sure.
Oh, sure.
Mock my affliction.
You think I like watching the sun rise three weeks in a row? Having my breakfast burrito at 4 A.
M.
? I'm going to the hospital.
There's a friend for you.
Going gets tough for me, so you get going.
Not that that surprises me.
What's that mean? I've only seen you once in the last month.
I don't fit in your great new life anymore.
You don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, no? Let's just take a look at Dr.
howser's big dilemma, shall we? On the one hand, you got new friends, new loft, great parties.
On the other hand, you got whiny little sleep-deprived Italian guy.
Which shall it be Great life, whiny little Italian? Great life, whiny little Italian? Whoops! Good night, Vinnie.
Happy Thanksgiving, howser.
Big wheel keep on turnin' Proud Mary keep on burnin' Burnin' Rollin', rollin' Rollin', rollin' Rollin' down the river Doo, doo, doot, doot Doo, doo, doot, doot Doo, doo, doo, doo, bah, bah, bah, bump Dr.
howser.
Gee, you're up late.
I see Dr.
rickett got your test results back.
He hasn't found anything yet, but I have faith in him.
I know what's wrong with you.
You do? You're suffering from Munchausen syndrome.
I am? What does that mean? In laymen's terms, it means you're a fake.
Uh O.
K.
, I'm busted, but I was planning a miraculous recovery.
I would've given you full credit.
That's very gracious.
Look, I love my family.
I just needed a little time to myself, and hospitals are a great place to hide out in.
I know.
But I promise, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm out of here.
Well, I guess we could order a sponge bath for the morning.
Oh, god, yes.
And then delpino rounds the bend, makes a daring swerve to the left, edging out lemond by a wheel.
The Parisians go wild.
Oui, oui! Oui, oui! Oui, oui! What are you doing? I'm competing in the tour-de-France.
Look, vin, we need to talk.
All right.
Here it is.
I haven't been avoiding you.
I've been avoiding my life.
What, too successful? Too popular? Oh, that's a sob story.
Look, I didn't go to a party on Friday.
I don't even know my neighbors.
I lied Because I was too embarrassed to admit that I have no great new life.
That's fairly pathetic.
Yeah.
What's even more pathetic is that instead of doing something about it, I'm hiding out in the hospital.
At least there I have an identity.
I'm a doctor.
I'm important.
Here I'm just this lonely guy in 38 that nobody knows.
Look at me.
I finally got my wish.
I'm I'm moved out of the house, and what did it get me? I'm I'm scared of the future and turning into a Me, I can't face Thanksgiving.
This is going to be my first major holiday since my family broke up.
It used to be if I had a problem, I'd go next door, climb in the window, and we'd talk.
You're like my brother.
No, I'm not.
We're best friends.
Best friends are better than brothers 'cause we weren't just just stuck together.
We got to choose each other.
Hey, thanks, man.
Well, vin, it's the start of a new tradition.
The first annual howser-delpino Thanksgiving.
You know, in the immortal words of j.
G.
Whittier, ah! On Thanksgiving day, when from east and from west, and from north and from south come the pilgrim and guest.
When the gray-haired new englander sees round his board the old broken links of affection restored.
Guess I should've chosen a shorter quote.
Vincent.
Your shoulder's so soft.
Oh, and the rest of you isn't so bad either.
There you go.
There you go.