Empty Nest (1988) s04e10 Episode Script

Go on.
You were saying? Sergeant Weston, is this making you uncomfortable? - Yup.
- I see.
And why do you think that is? Because I'm lying on my keys.
Then sit up.
Hey, you're really good at this.
I'm cured.
Can I go now? You know the department requires these sessions to deal with stress.
Now, is there anything bothering you? No, job's fine.
There is one thing.
One big old lump of whiny, aggravating, stressful Carol again.
Bingo! - You want to talk about her? - Yes.
Then give me your gun.
That's funny, shoot my own sister.
You'd better take it.
Life goes on and so do we Just how we do it is no mystery Sometimes the answer can be hard to find Hard to find that's something I will never be I'm always here for anything you need Anything you need rain or shine I'll be the one To share it all as life goes on We share it all as life goes on Yes, Carol, we all feel the pain of your divorce.
Yeah, but that was five years ago, some of us have gotten over it.
All right, I'll give him the message.
Yes, Mrs.
kravitz? Will doctor Weston be finished with my Stephanie soon? Like I told you a second ago, very shortly, ma'am.
Are you sure he knows what he's doing? It's just a routine physical, Mrs.
kravitz.
You've been bringin' Stephanie here since she was two.
If doctor Weston didn't know what he was doin', she would've never got to be ten.
Stephanie happens to be 11.
Maybe you'd like to step inside the exam room.
Thank you, I would be relieved to be in there.
It would relieve me too.
Mrs.
kravitz, comin' in! She's all yours, Mrs.
kravitz.
Oh, come on, sweetie.
Did you miss mommy? Did that mean old doctor hurt you? I swear, mothers like her really tick me off.
Ah, Laverne, it just goes with the territory.
I learned a long time ago not to let it bother me.
I am not mean, Mrs.
kravitz! - Okay, who's next? - Lunch.
My favorite niece, luella, is a-comin' to town tomorrow.
I'm gon' pick her up a few things.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.
It makes me happier than a free range chicken to see that child.
I'm her godmother, you know.
I practically raised her.
When she was born, I was over at my sister's house seven days a week.
Your sister didn't mind, your barging in like that? What's that supposed to mean? That I'm pushy? That I'm relentless? That I badger people into doin' what's right for 'em? Well, yes.
Thank you, doctor.
The things you say.
Harry, where's my sandwich? Beats me.
Oh, daddy, I did it.
- I did it.
- Did what? I went to see doctor Grossman, and I got over all my angst about my ex-husband remarrying.
Oh, yeah, Gary.
I heard about him at the gym today.
Some guy in the shower said that they're honeymooning in Tahiti.
Then he asked me out.
Honeymooning in Tahiti? Does it bother you that his new wife's gorgeous and 19? Not a bit.
Gee, 19.
That means she was born in, let's see, this is 1991.
Charley! Do it at home.
'85.
God, I wish she was 20, then I could figure this out.
Nothing is going to get to me today.
I feel really good about myself.
And, daddy, guess what? I've landed a major catering account.
That's wonderful, dear.
I knew you could bounce back.
Oh, my god, she's 19? All right.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Here.
Easy.
Easy.
Easy.
All right.
All right.
Carol.
Carol.
Carol, focus.
Tell me about the job.
You have my full attention.
Full attention? Oh, god, I love the sound of that.
I mean, not that it's all that important to me, that would be neurotic, but it is nice that Barbara isn't here and that I have you yeah.
Nono-no-no.
The job, dear.
Stay with the job.
- Concentrate.
- Right.
I'm catering commissioner lange's big re-election bash.
There'll be 500 important people eating my important food.
Whoa! I'm very, very proud of you.
Let me give you a big hug for a job well done.
Whoa! Baby, that's great.
Ta-da! Presenting Barbara Weston, Miami pd hero.
Doctor, your daughter just saved a man's life.
Are you all right? What happened? Nothing much.
A guy fell in the river, and I fished him out.
He fell in a raging river.
Barbara jumped in and pulled him out.
- That's fantastic.
- It's no big deal.
Honey, this is wonderful.
Daddy, it's nothing, really.
Nothing? Saving a person's life is nothing? I mean, it's the greatest thing a person could ever do.
I'm catering a party.
I think I have never been more proud.
I'm making little duck sausage pizzas.
Greek salad with imported feta, not domestic.
Daddy? Daddy? - Are you listening? - Yes, dear.
Then say it back to me.
Carol, please.
Your sister my sister, my sister, my sister! Thanks a lot, Barbara.
I bet you did this just to humiliate me.
I wouldn't be surprised if you saved that man's life on purpose.
She was born in 1974.
I can't wait to meet doctor Weston, auntie verne.
I'm sure you'll find him to be the kindest, sweetest, and best doctor you ever did see.
You tell him I said that and you're goin' straight back to hickory.
Yes, ma'am.
All righty.
You're all done.
Bye-bye, Georgie.
Oh! And who might this be? I'm Laverne's niece, doctor Weston.
A pleasure to meet ya.
It's my pleasure.
Whoa! Well, you know, your aunt speaks very highly of you.
Oh, she likes you too.
Sorry, auntie verne.
We'll talk later.
She's been sneezin' like that ever since she got here.
I thought you might take a look at her.
Come here.
Come on, let's go.
I'll check you out.
It'll just take a minute.
It's no fun being sick when you're on vacation, huh? Hop up there, will you? Stick out your tongue.
- Ahh - Ahh Don't go too far back with that thing.
Gee, thanks, Laverne.
Come on, up, up, let me see.
Careful, you just inches from her brain.
Yes, this is a very tense moment here.
You have any allergies? Her mama says she has 'em.
Yeah.
I'd say you do, but those membranes look a little inflamed, and your eyes are watery.
Don't worry, a little antihistamine will take care of that.
You think that's the right thing to do? Ah, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, I got a lunch date.
I got to go.
Oh, well, don't forget to sign those checks on your desk.
You make sure luella gets some diphenhydramine.
There's some in the sample box.
You be a good girl.
And don't operate any heavy machinery.
Let me get you that medicine.
He's real good, auntie verne.
You think I'd have a bad doctor workin' for me? Excuse me, Laverne.
I borrowed this from Harry.
Oh, he just went to lunch, doctor Wilkins.
Oh, bless you.
Hey, it looks like you're coming down - with a little cold, huh? - Cold? Doctor Weston thought it might be allergies, but it could just be a cold.
As long as you're here, why don't you take a look at her? Oh, I'm a gerontologist, not a pediatrician.
Oh, just a quick looksy.
All right.
Fine.
Her hip isn't broken, and she doesn't have an enlarged prostate.
How's that for a second opinion? Hi, Harry.
Well, I'm very sorry to interrupt.
I'm gonna leave my exam room now.
Is that all right, Laverne, or should I get a second opinion? How do I look? Like an evangelist's girlfriend.
Good.
'Cause Rick and I are on a stakeout tonight.
I'm supposed to act like a hooker.
Well, I'll leave the lights on for you.
There'll be milk and cookies in the refrigerator.
- Barbara? - Yeah.
Oh, good.
Barbara, I am far too big a person, far too secure a person, to have been behaving the way I've been behaving.
I bet doctor Grossman's got her on Prozac.
Back off, Barbara.
I'm trying to apologize.
Did you see me apologizing, daddy? I'm watching you and only you, dear.
Yeah.
Great.
Fine.
Barbara.
What's wrong? Nothing.
I just wish all this would go away.
Congratulations, Barbara.
I just heard on the radio they're going to give you a medal of honor.
- Oh, no! - Medal of honor? Is that all there is? Is that all there is, my friend? Carol! I just want to stay undercover.
Thank god, I've got my hooking.
Barbara? You're doing a hell of a job with these two, Harry.
Well, this is depressing.
Stanley dunbar, in a blonde wig, is getting more action than I am.
He's wearing bigger boobs.
You seem really down tonight, Barb.
Yeah, I haven't been feeling so good.
Can I have you when he's through? I got five dollars.
Try the blonde on the corner.
Oh, the woman with the big boobs.
What is it with you? You're getting a medal of honor, partner.
Everyone in the department thinks you're great.
Yeah, what they don't know won't hurt them.
And what does that mean? I didn't do it, Rick.
What do you mean? I saw you.
I mean, I did it, but I didn't mean to do it.
I was turning to get help, and then I slipped.
And then I find myself in the water, and I'm trying to get out, and this guy floats right into my arms.
So I pulled us both out.
So? So it was a complete accident.
Would you tell the truth if you were me? Ah, gee, I really don't know.
Hey cutie, I borrowed a buck, I got six now.
You want me to put the cuffs on you? Can I get that for six bucks? Morning, Laverne.
How is luella? Oh, I sent her back to hickory.
That pollen was really gettin' to her.
Oh, she had an allergy? Well, you diagnosed it.
Oh, well, I thought perhaps, you know, doctor Wilkins came up with a more reasonable diagnosis.
All right, I can't pretend I wasn't angry with you.
What do you mean? Well, you mistrusted my diagnosis.
You you hurt my feelings.
But I think I understand why that happened.
You do? Yeah, you were worried about luella.
Uh-huh.
You were just like Mrs.
kravitz the other day.
I am nothing like that woman.
Laverne, I think you missed my point.
Oh, what now? You sayin' I'm too stupid to get the point? Yes.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Look.
Look, Laverne, I cannot live with this kind of tension in the office.
Well, why don't you just go home then? I can't live with that kind of tension either.
Carol, can I confide in you, sister to sister? Of course, I'm all ears.
You see, it's this medal I'm getting.
I'm not sure Barbara, you know, I have to thank you for helping me to realize something I thought we were talking about me.
It's all very simple.
You see, I can't save lives in my work.
You got lucky with someone drowning.
Carol, you don't know the whole story me, I'm a caterer.
I mean, sure I know the heimlich, but I have to wait for someone to choke.
Look, do you want to hear what I've been going through, or not? You, you, you.
What about me? Don't you want to know what I've been going through? I mean, take the commissioner's dinner, for instance.
Should I use cafe amaretto or cafe latte after dinner? It's really a pressure call.
You know, maybe you'd understand if you were in my shoes.
Of course, you wouldn't know what to do in my shoes.
I don't know what to do in my shoes.
I hate my shoes.
It's not easy when you've got such wide feet.
Excuse me, I've got a party to plan.
Thanks for the input.
Hello? Hi, captain.
A TV interview here tonight? No, I don't think that Yeah, I know it would be great for the department.
Okay.
Bye.
Oh, god.
I'll be leaving for the day, nurse Todd.
Wait, doctor.
This lovely plant came from Mrs.
kravitz.
She sent it to me with this letter of apology, and I'd like to give it to you.
Is there a point to this? Well, just read the card and see.
It says Laverne on the outside, but you could just pretend it says doctor Weston.
Uh, fine.
Dear Laverne that would be another place where you would substitute doctor Weston for Laverne.
Fine.
Fine.
Dear doctor Weston, I know that I and perhaps other mothers like myself substitute "people with nieces" for mothers there.
I get it, Laverne.
Other people with nieces like myself at times let our anxiety for our children get the best of us.
Children becomes the ever popular nieces.
Yes.
Please.
May I finish this, please? - Yes, doctor.
- Thank you.
If I was too pushy yesterday Please accept this plant as my way of saying I appreciate your professionalism and devotion to your work.
Regards, Mrs.
kravitz.
Well, you could just change that last thing to regards, Laverne.
Well, I accept your apology, Laverne.
- You do? - Of course, I do.
I told you I understood.
Thank you, doctor.
Well, you're very welcome.
So, I get to keep the plant, huh? - You sure do.
- Okay.
Now, do you know what to feed it? Do you know how much to water it? Do you know how much sunlight it takes? You do know you have to talk to plants, otherwise they get really why don't you just keep the plant? Thank you.
I've always wanted one of these.
Well, it's funny, your sister seems very low-key about all this hoopla.
I mean, I wonder why she's not enjoying it more.
Oh, wake up, daddy, it's such an obvious ploy.
Simple reverse psychology.
A sure way to get attention is with silence.
Oh, you should try that sometime.
Daddy.
Doctor Weston.
I'm bill Wallace, co-anchor on channel 28.
We're the ones who manage to squeeze in the news between all our funny banter.
Right.
Nice to meet you.
This is my daughter.
Yeah.
Now, I'll ask you a simple question, and you say how proud you are, blah, blah, blah.
Maybe you say how difficult it is to have a daughter whose life is in danger every single day.
The anxiety you feel never knowing if, when she goes to work, you'll ever see her again.
Will she come back maimed, crippled, missing an ear, a toe? Stop.
Please.
I i i get it.
And then, I'll ask you how it feels to be a hero, and you say, what happened.
Oh, no.
I'm not Barbara, I'm her sister, Carol.
Oh.
Then you say nothing.
Hey, bill Wallace.
I'm Charley dietz, the westons' neighbor.
You might be interested to know I taught Barbara how to swim.
Swell.
Your weather girl, Patricia somoa, she seems really sweet and nice.
Could you put in a good word for me? And we're talking about a woman who's got a pair of storm fronts on her that won't quit.
We're also talking about my wife.
Ah.
I knew that.
I was just testing your integrity as a husband.
It's very high, congratulations.
I just met your neighbor, Charley.
I'm so sorry.
I apologize.
Well, we're ready to go.
Doctor Weston, why don't you sit here.
Oh, why don't we get your dog in the shot? Does he bite? We're lucky if he yawns.
Oh.
It'll look nice.
Why don't we set him there.
Dreyf, come.
Come.
Come over here.
And you, uh Carol Weston.
You know, it might interest you to know that I'm catering commissioner lange's - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Coming re-elec you, over there.
But I'm not the shot.
That's right.
Ah, and you must be our hero.
If you say so.
Well, why don't you sit there next to your father? Okay.
Roll tape.
And, doctor Weston, how does it feel to be the father of a true American hero? Well, I think nothing can make a parent prouder than seeing their child publicly honored.
To know that my Barbara risked her own life to - Carol! - Hi, there.
This is my other daughter, Carol.
Who's also a hero for doing Stuff.
Thank you.
Barbara, how do you feel about all this? Well, this has been very difficult for me, all the attention and everything.
And I think that's because, uh I didn't do it.
- It was an accident.
- What? I didn't dive in and save the guy; I fell in.
It was a mistake.
Hey, push in on the liar.
I mean, daddy, I did pull him out, but I was trying to save myself.
This is all very meaningless, I'm sorry.
- Barbara! - Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
Honey, there's nothing to be sorry about.
I don't think you can save somebody's life by accident.
It was still heroic, and I'm still proud of you.
- Harry, reactions? - I just did react.
- Could we have more? - No.
Okay.
You.
The older sister.
Any reactions to your sister being a fake? A fake? Excuse me, let me tell you something.
The bravest thing a person can do is to tell the truth.
I mean, sure, Barbara could have lied, most people would have, but she had the guts not to.
If my sister was a hero before, she's even more of a hero now.
Especially to me.
That was a wonderful thing to say, sweetheart.
- Do you really mean it? - Yes.
And to think, you said it in front of all these people.
That's right, we're on television.
Well, Barbara is a true professional.
Much in the same way that I'm a professional.
Not a policewoman, but a caterer.
You may have heard of my company, the elegant epicure.
Push in on the dog.
We're catering commissioner lange's upcoming reelection bash this weekend.
I also do parties and weddings and funerals.
Anything you want.
And the pistons beat the celtics, And now, the jai alai scores.
Come on.
Come on.
And this is bill Wallace wrapping it up for sports.
And speaking of sports, here's one of the best sports around the station.
Here with the weather is our own Patricia somoa.
All right.
Mild sunny weather prevailed in Miami today as it has for the past week.
Expect this pattern to continue for at least the next I don't know what she sees in him, when she could have me.