Gilmore Girls s04e10 Episode Script

It's culs-de-sac.
- No way!|- It is.
- The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac?|- Yes.
- Doesn't sound like English.
|- That's because it's French.
You know what I mean.
- I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
|- Words should sound right to be right.
That's not how it works.
So, what? The plural of yo-yo is yos-yo? Yeah, 'cause that sounds so natural.
As natural as culs-de-sac.
- Thanks.
|- You're welcome.
- When did Lane start working here?|- A couple of days ago.
She filled out an application|and Luke called her for an interview.
An interview? So official.
They sat in complete silence|for a full five minutes.
Then Luke said, "How you doing?" And she said, "Good.
"|Then he gave her the job.
- What do we get out of this?|- What do you mean? We got someone on the inside,|a friend of ours.
And out of it, we could get - Secret things he keeps there.
|- His showgirl costume.
Extra jelly packets, butter,|discarded day-old bread.
But we get that|when we go dumpster diving.
This will be easier on our shoes.
- Hey, Luke.
|- Look at this.
Who? Lane? She's Super Waitress.
Able to leap tall pancakes|in a single bound.
- Or is that panscake?|- Very funny.
- It's not going to work out.
|- Oh, why not? She's so good.
She's too good.
- Calm down.
|- I'm not even sure why she took the job.
- I mean, I totally blew the interview.
|- You were nervous.
Hey, guys.
You got this, Luke? Yeah, I got it.
I need that English muffin.
When there was a lull she cleaned the menus|without being asked.
- Do you mean mensu?|- Stop it.
This isn't challenging enough.
|She'll get bored.
- Buy her a chemistry set.
|- Or a foosball table.
- I should find something to do.
|- Having help is stressing him.
Why do you have|to get back to campus so early? - Classes don't start for a couple of days.
|- I have a lot of stuff to do.
It'll be nice and quiet without roommates.
Where are the roomsmate? Janet's mountain-climbing, Tanna's home,|and Paris went skiing with her boyfriend.
- You're just ignoring the plural thing now?|- Yeah.
You haven't mentioned Paris' boyfriend|in a while.
Everything good there? - Yeah.
|- What? Something's not right? There's the weirdness of both of them|being really busy with school and he's miles away at Princeton,|but they're good.
She called me from the slopes and they sounded|like they were having a blast.
Eggs scrambled, Ceaser.
- Luke, coffee in the corner.
|- Right, sorry.
Boy, maybe this Lane-Luke team|isn't going to work out.
- Yeah.
|- Where do you think Luke will go? I don't know.
|Maybe a big chain will take him on.
Wonder if he has a forklift license.
- He could redeem recyclables.
|- You mean recycsable? You promise? Yes, this is in and out,|pick a molding for the public areas - meeting adjourned.
|- No food sampling.
- It's not on the agenda.
|- I have not seen Sookie once this month when she has not greeted me|by shoving something in my mouth.
You sure it was food every time? You can joke,|but so long as super-low-rise jeans are the fashion for men,|I must stay trim or die.
Come on in! - How low are we talking here?|- I've had to wax.
Subject over.
This is nice.
That's my favorite, too.
Little pricey.
It's amazing|how we always pick the pricey.
- So, you guys want something to drink?|- No.
- I made hot water for tea.
|- Tea? - You like Earl Gray, right?|- If you have some.
- I have it all ready.
Earl Gray.
|- Thank you.
- And try this pizzelle.
|- I knew it! - This is a tasting.
|- I just need your opinion.
My opinion is you're trying|to fatten me out of a love life.
- I thought you were celibate.
|- Not by choice.
- You woke up Davey, big mouth.
|- You want to go check on him? - He'll be here in a second.
|- He's two months and walking? I'm missing the big moments.
Tobin! Tobin? Hi.
And I'm high around this little thing.
- He's such an angel.
|- Hello, little booby.
Did that mean old Michel wake you up? I'm being punked.
|I know I'm being punked.
Isn't this great,|with the whole team back together? I'm ecstatic.
Did you know about this? I heard that Tobin was back,|but I didn't hear you were the- Baby's nanny? Just till something more permanent|comes along.
Davey fell for this guy|lock, stock and barrel.
It was love at first sight.
Well, my whole life is kids.
|I have 11 nieces and nephews.
- Wow!|- How joyous for you.
- Tobin, we heard you'd moved.
|- Yes.
Right after the old Inn burned down.
I moved to Utah because I heard|there's lots of job opportunities for industrious Mormons.
I didn't know you were a Mormon.
I wasn't, so I became one.
|The paperwork took weeks.
And I didn't know about the alcohol thing.
- They famously abstain.
|- No coffee either.
The choir's fabulous,|but then there's the funny underwear.
It didn't last.
Then he called me from the road|and suggested this.
- How wonderful.
|- I see you're trying the pizzelles.
Are they not pieces of heaven|shaped like cookies? Wonderful.
They'd be perfect for breakfast, too,|with cappuccino.
I've never thought of them for breakfast.
|Great idea.
It occurred to me.
You could serve them|on that green platter we bought.
- The colors would juxtapose nicely.
|- You went shopping together? Yes, I turned Sookie on to a place|that sells hard-to-find kitchenware.
Oh, and I found some websites|I'd like to recommend to you, Lorelai.
I spent a lot of time online|when I was a Mormon.
There wasn't much else to do.
Excuse me, is this not an Inn meeting|for Inn employees only? It's okay, little baby.
I think your voice hits a pitch|that hurts his ears.
My voice has the same pitch|as anyone else's.
- Michel hates babies.
|- I do not hate babies.
- Well, babies hate you.
|- They do not hate me.
All I'm saying is|we have limited time together the three of us,|and we cannot afford to waste it the three of us, and he's cutting in.
Michel, I'm not cutting in.
But the fact is,|wherever Sookie goes, the baby goes and wherever the baby goes, I go.
|It's my job.
We even made a little joke earlier.
|"The baby has a meeting today.
" - I love this.
|- We do, too.
- Would you like a cup of tea, Tobin?|- Just a little Lapsang Oolong, please.
- You knew that?|- Yes, I did.
- Come on!|- Everyone does.
- Did you?|- Of course I did.
So everyone in the entire world knew - the plural of cul-de-sac was culs-de-sac?|- Yes.
Okay.
So Mariah Carey's out|with some friends she's had a couple of cocktails.
She glances down from the roof and says: "Oh, look at all those culs-de-sac"? - Why are they on the roof?|- It's a rooftop bar.
- How have you been saying it?|- Cul-de-sacs.
And no one ever corrected you? No, because that's the way it should be.
Even if it isn't technically correct,|it should be pronounced that way.
- Mom, just let it go.
|- I will never let this go.
Is there a dessert? Yes, we have a special surprise|for you for dessert.
- We brought it back from Switzerland.
|- A mountain goat? - Better than a goat.
|- Let's go to the living room.
- Dessert from Switzerland.
|- The land of chocolate.
- You two are going to love this.
|- Is it as good as Toblerone? It's better than Toblerone.
What is that? - It's marzipan.
|- Marzipan? The finest marzipan in all of Europe,|made by cloistered nuns.
We toured their cloister.
|It was right out of "The Sound of Music.
" - What about the chocolate?|- What chocolate? You compared it to Toblerone.
|That's chocolate.
You brought up Toblerone.
I said it was better than that|because I think it is.
- Marzipan is candy.
You like candy.
|- Marzipan is not candy.
It is a unique substance unto itself,|like Velveeta or plutonium.
- You're not even going to try it?|- I'll pass.
- I'll try some.
|- Take the one with the little pig on it.
Thank you.
We got the pigs for you|and the bunny for your mother.
- You got me bunnies?|- They're for whomever now.
No.
I'll try a bunny.
- Don't force yourself.
|- I am not.
I want a bunny.
Give me one.
Delicious.
Those nuns kick you-know-what.
- Now, who can that be?|- It's probably Jason.
He said he might drop something by|on his way back from the airport.
- In the middle of dinner?|- He won't be here long.
He's probably exhausted.
|The flight from Australia is draining.
Jason, welcome back.
- I didn't mean to interrupt your evening.
|- No.
You look fit.
- Look how fit he looks, Emily.
|- He looks very fit.
Hello, Jason.
- Emily.
|- You've met Lorelai and Rory.
- Yes, it's nice to see you again.
|- Same here.
Richard, here are the papers,|and they do not need to be notarized.
Oh, that's a huge help.
Terrific.
- So, Mom, maybe our guest would|- Jason, would you like some marzipan? Would I? I love marzipan.
Take as much as you like|and put some extra into a napkin just not the one|Lorelai spat her piece into.
Delicious.
I'll be going.
|It was good to see you all again.
No, Richard,|you don't have to see me out.
All right, see you tomorrow.
He must have been hiking the whole time.
|He looks wonderful.
Excuse me.
|I just have to freshen up my hair.
Be right back.
Have you swallowed your marzipan yet? - Hello?|- So, you're back.
I am no hologram.
- Australia was good?|- Very good.
Hot.
You tie your wallaby down, sport? No, I just drank a lot of beer|and thought about you a lot.
That's very sweet.
- When are we getting together again?|- When do you want? - How about now?|- Too spontaneous.
- How about Monday night?|- For what? - Dinner, et cetera.
|- Sounds good, et cetera.
- I'll call you.
|- Okay.
What are you going to do|with your marzipan? I don't know.
|I thought I'd dump them on the road but is that environmentally sound? I don't think marzipan biodegrades.
I'll just serve it to the clients I don't like.
- Bye.
|- I'll see you Monday.
Almost done with your radiator,|young lady.
Take your time.
You were smart.
|You come back early, you beat the rush.
I just wanted to get a jump on things.
I like the campus when it's|kind of empty like this, you know.
All quiet.
- Snow's pretty, too.
|- Yeah, very pretty.
There's something very magical|about this campus.
I've been here 23 years come August|and I've never been bored.
You know, we've had presidents|graduate from this school.
- You okay?|- What? - You feeling okay?|- Yes.
I Yes, thanks.
- Rory.
|- Paris, hi.
You're back early.
- You're back early.
|- Just thought I'd get a jump on things.
- How was your trip?|- Great.
Thought I'd come back early.
Same here.
Where's your stuff? - Well, I got back early.
|- I know.
Early this morning, so I unpacked|and went to visit my mom.
- She good?|- She wasn't there.
- Jamie says hello.
|- Oh, good.
Hello back at him.
So, you guys have fun? - I told you that on the phone.
|- You have fun after that? Sure, the resort was beautiful,|a little too star-studded.
Harrison Ford|and Calista Flockhart were there.
- They tongue-kiss in public.
|- They're in love.
Then she'd tickle his tummy,|and he'd giggle.
It was foul.
To each his own.
- I'll get out of your way.
|- You're not in my way.
- I'll get out of your way.
|- You're not in my way.
- I'll just stay here then.
|- Good.
And scene.
Shoot.
- What are you doing?|- God! Rory! Announce yourself! - Were you brushing dirt under the sink?|- No, I'm brushing crumbs under the sink.
You're a pig.
You're just learning that?|Why are you here, anyway? Crabby and dirty.
I thought you were going to hang|at school for some alone time.
Alone time suddenly included Paris.
I thought Paris was skiing with Jamie.
Paris is not skiing,|and Paris is definitely not with Jamie.
Meaning? There are little marshmallow|Easter Bunnies under here.
No, what did you mean|when you said Paris was not with Jamie? Paris is seeing somebody else.
- Really? A psychiatrist?|- A professor.
- At Yale?|- Yes.
Lorelai Gilmore,|you've been holding out on me.
It's so weird.
One minute, she's totally in love|with Jamie, and then the next she's making out with a professor|in dark corners.
You saw them making out? Apparently the big game|was big for everyone.
I can't believe Paris is doing an older man.
Who said doing? I didn't say doing.
|I said kissing, that's it.
Rory, come on.
When you're dating an older man,|you're probably doing older-man things.
So what age are we talking here,|like 35, 40? -60!|- What? Shut up! - He went to school with Grandpa.
|-60? That's how they met.
|We were having lunch.
He came by.
Grandpa introduced them.
She wanted to get an interview,|and apparently, she got one.
-60? Like 60, 60?|- Mom.
I'm sorry.
It's just Now I know who Woody Allen's|next leading lady's going to be.
And it's so annoying.
She's hiding it from me,|I'm not supposed to know.
I'm supposed to think|she's with Jamie, which she's not.
- Are you sure?|- No.
- Intrigue.
|- I don't like intrigue.
I don't want intrigue.
I like Jamie.
He's a nice guy.
|He's a patient guy.
Paris should not be treating him like this.
Honey, if she likes another guy,|there's nothing you can do about it.
- Let us all remember Dean.
|- This is not the same as Dean.
- I did not cheat on Dean with an old guy.
|- Is the old guy married? He was.
He has kids, grown kids.
|He's a writer.
What would the school say|if they knew this? Yes, what about that? This guy's risking everything,|his job, his reputation.
Well, he'll always have Paris.
How long have you been waiting|with that one? I had a feeling|the opportunity would present itself.
Maybe it's a phase.
It'll pass.
Yeah, or he will.
Hello? What? Michel? Calm down.
I can't understand you|when you're not screaming hysterically.
Okay, what are you Okay, I'll be right there.
Goodbye.
- I got to go.
|- Why? What's up? - Michel's spazzing.
|- Why? I don't know.
|Will you be here when I get back? If you don't mind.
Paris was getting out her potter's wheel|when I left.
- I'll go pick up Chinese.
|- Or we can just eat what's under the sink.
- Ah, the wit.
|- Get egg rolls.
All right, just watch out.
|Old guys don't like them bossy.
You took so long! Why?|You need to charter an airplane? - I came as quickly as I-|- Get in here.
- What is going on?|- Move quicker, please.
- Is Sookie here?|- She and the farmer went to see a movie.
- Do they know you're here?|- Yes, they do.
- And they're okay with that?|- We'll see.
Stop.
What's going on?|Why are we in the bedroom? - I offered to baby-sit.
|- I'm sorry, you did what? I heard Sookie talking to the potato man|about wanting to go out and there was no one to watch the baby.
|So I offered to watch it.
- It?|- Him.
Watch him for her.
- And she let you?|- Yes, she let me.
I came over, and the minute she left,|it started to cry.
- It?|- He started to cry.
He wouldn't stop.
I did everything.
I did the jiggle, the bouncy|and the airplane.
- And then I even picked it up.
|- It? Him, damn it, him.
|I picked him up, but it didn't matter.
He wouldn't stop crying.
|So finally I invented a game.
- What kind of game?|- I called it baby crepe.
- I don't think I know that one.
|- It's quite ingenious.
You get down here on the floor|and then you roll him up in a blanket and then you pull it back|and forth and back and forth.
He loved it.
He did not cry.
He smiled, he giggled.
|He was having the time of his life.
And then, I pulled back|the blanket a little too hard and he rolled under the bed,|and he got stuck.
My God! I tried to get him out,|but he wouldn't grab the string.
Then he fell asleep.
|I worried if I woke him up the screaming would start again.
I can't believe you rolled|little Davey under the bed.
- Davey?|- Yes, Davey, Sookie's baby.
- I've been calling him Truman.
|- Why? - I thought that was his name.
|- Where'd you get that from? I heard wrong.
You think he's going|to hold it against me? The man that rolled him under the bed?|No, I think you're good.
Man, he really is sleeping.
|He looks so peaceful.
- See? I made him happy.
|- We need to lift this bed and get him up.
- What are you doing?|- Taking off my shirt.
What part of|"lift the bed and get him out" translates to you taking off your shirt? - This is an expensive shirt.
|- I'm not lifting the bed with a naked you.
- I'm not taking off my pants.
|- Leave the shirt on.
It will wrinkle.
Not as much as|when Sookie comes home and finds Truman under the bed.
Now, lift up here, and I'll get him out.
I can't hold this by myself.
Are you crazy? - Here, you hold it.
Ready?|- No! Hey, Davey.
I got you.
You're snoozy.
- How is he?|- He's just fine.
There you go.
Just kick back.
|Wait till mommy gets home.
Now please tell me what is going on here.
- Nothing.
|- Why are you baby-sitting? - You hate babies.
|- Not really.
You do not baby-sit, ever.
And yet here you are|wearing your super-low-cut jeans making up baby games,|and I want to know why.
I hate Tobin! He's a sniveling little|sycophantic tushie kisser, and I hate him! He weasels his way|into every area of my life.
The good thing about|the Independence Inn burning down was that Tobin was gone,|but yet, here he is, back.
- He's like the cat.
|- What cat? The one that came back the very next day.
You thought he was a goner,|but the cat came back.
He just wouldn't stay away.
Michel, you do not have|to be jealous of Tobin.
He wants to replace me.
- As what?|- As everything.
He wants to replace me in my entire life.
|He's going to keep worming his way in until you no longer find|any reason to have me around.
- You're being silly.
|- He's going to succeed.
It doesn't matter|that I have all the experience and the credentials|and the history to run this inn.
He likes the baby.
He holds the baby.
He doesn't roll the baby under the bed.
|He wins! He does not win.
|Michel, this rivalry is in your head.
- It is?|- Yes.
So you do not like Tobin better than me? No.
We like Tobin.
We're addicted to you.
You are? Yes, we asked you to come|with us to the Dragonfly, didn't we? We love you, Michel and as long as you stay|far, far away from little Davey we will continue loving you.
- I can do that.
|- Okay.
Okay.
Hold on, and What do you think? It stinks.
It's a newspaper hat.
|It's not supposed to spark a trend.
There.
- How'd you do that?|- Martha Stewart.
Martha Stewart actually did a segment|on how to make a hat out of newspaper? - Yes.
|- Well, it looks nice.
What is this?|Academically approved torture? Make your own hat?|That's how you get on the paper? Because that has|what to do with anything? - Relax, Glenn.
|- It's tradition.
It's not tradition.
It's hazing.
Why don't they just handcuff us|naked to a streetlamp wearing a sign that says: "Honk if you like unbiased journalism.
" I'm not doing it.
They can't make me.
You don't wear the hat,|you're not getting on the paper.
I need another sheet.
Ladies and gentlemen tonight represents a melding|of the old and the new.
For one night, identifying|the two groups will be easy.
The old will be the ones|running around frantically trying to get out|the latest issue of the "Daily News " and the new will be|the ones in the stupid hats.
It's a much-beloved tradition|that for one night, all night you don a hat of your own making wait on members of the paper|while observing the inner working of the "Yale Daily News.
" There's a lot of new, fresh talent|sitting in this room tonight.
Rory Gilmore an unflinchingly honest reviewer|who shows no mercy but a great deal of dark wit in her pieces.
Paris Geller, whose interview|with Prof.
Asher Flemming was the most intimate,|revealing portrait of a complex man that I have ever read.
Glenn Babble whose cartoon commentaries|on the American family prove that he was never hugged|a day in his life.
It's hard work being here,|but it's an honor.
You're working with the best of the best.
From here, you can go to|The New York Times the "Washington Post.
" You can even sell out|your ideals completely like the cofounders of the "Daily News" did|when they started "Time" magazine which has basically become|an over-hyped, illustrated bird-cage liner.
News for the "Reader's Digest" bunch,|I call it.
The "just give us the gist of it" magazine|masquerading as a real news outlet.
I mean, let's face it.
If it weren't for waiting rooms|all over the world there'd be absolutely no need|for "Time" magazine at all.
I hate "Time" magazine! Cheryl, I need tea! You never told me|what you thought of my article.
What article? My interview with Asher Flemming.
- Did you read it?|- I skimmed it.
I have a copy in our room.
- I can give it to you.
|- You're a good writer.
I'm sure it's good.
But still, I'd like you to read it.
I trust your opinion, and I'd like to be able|to discuss it with you.
Look, we're supposed|to be taking dinner orders, so Hello? Hi.
No phone calls|while you're wearing the hat! Hold on.
I will be right back.
Where are you going? You're not supposed to leave|while you're wearing the hat.
I will be right back.
It's a good thing|high school had already beaten all the self-esteem out of me.
How could you talk|through an entire movie? - Nothing else was happening.
|- An entire movie was happening.
There were people in costumes|and horses.
- Did you see the horses?|- I did.
I thought you liked horses.
I do like horses,|but they never let them talk.
That's because this wasn't|a talking-horse movie.
- You want some wine?|- I don't know.
- You're vibing my movie-watching habits.
|- I am not vibing your habits.
I'm merely saying|that the large man in a wife-beater sitting in front of us invited me to the lobby|to discuss your habits and had I accepted|his charming invitation I might be in traction right now.
Please, you could totally have outrun him.
|You're spry.
Thank you.
So, this is your place.
- This is it.
|- Interesting.
Very, very interesting.
So, what's the verdict? You're not a tchotchke guy.
I don't like too many objects around|that have no obvious purpose.
The purpose of tchotchkes|is to make you happy.
They make you smile.
They make a room seem|fun and whimsical.
I invite a clown over once a week|to make the room feel fun and whimsical so I feel all set in that department.
- I thought you said you had a dog.
|- I do.
- Where is he?|- Over there.
He's cute and very still.
Yeah, he's the best.
- What is his name?|- Cyrus.
Cyrus.
Sure, perfect name for a dog.
Hi, Cyrus.
- Is he breathing?|- Yes.
Cyrus was actually trained|by the monks of New Skete.
He's incredibly well-behaved.
|He was housebroken in an hour.
He has a two-bark minimum|for delivery guys three for everybody else,|but the best thing is he doesn't do any of the standard|"sit" and "lie down" commands.
I taught him very special commands|that only my dog could know.
Like what? Like "a little to the left.
" - Shut up.
|- Cyrus, a little to the left.
What the hell's that good for? - What the hell is "sit" good for?|- When you sit, you get a cookie.
When you move a little to the left you get the satisfaction of knowing|you're doing something but you are not pandering for a dog bone.
- Can he move a little to the right?|- No, not yet.
We just do "a little to the left"|until he hits the wall and then I turn him around.
- You and your dog are extremely weird.
|- Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm not sure we're setting such|a good example for Cyrus over there.
You might be right.
Cyrus.
- Okay.
|- That one, I get.
- Every week, you argue with me.
|- Doyle, it's a perfectly good article.
We don't do "perfectly good" here.
You want to do "perfectly good,"|go to Harvard.
Jackass.
|Can you beat him to death with that? I don't think so.
It's soft serve.
I got your ice cream.
What is this? - Strawberry ice cream.
|- It has strawberries in it.
I don't even know how to respond to that.
I wanted plain strawberry ice cream|without chunks of strawberries in it.
- This has chunks.
|- I see one.
I can't eat this.
Take it away.
Would you like something else? No, just forget it.
Fine.
Bring it back.
- Are you okay, Doyle?|- Yes.
Why wouldn't I be? You just seem a little bit annoyed tonight.
I have an issue to put out|with a big hole on the back page because my editorial writers|chose to be un-opinionated today! And that's it? And I got rejected for a job|as Yale's stringer to "Time" magazine.
- So that explains it.
|- This is a major blow to my career.
- You're 20.
|- These things can follow you, Rory.
One day you feel good,|you're the fair-haired boy and the next day you're schleprock.
- You're not schleprock.
|- Tell that to my dad.
Okay, I just have to say|how amazingly unfair it is that I have a rubber band|working its way into my brain and Paris gets to bail.
- Paris isn't here?|- No, she isn't.
You didn't know she left? I knew that there was this thing|with her family that she was really concerned about.
She got that call, and her aunt is sick and I heard her say something|about going to the hospital so I think that's where she went.
All right, come get me|the minute she gets back.
I will.
Do you have a "Cosmo" lying around? I want to see|how many calories I just burned off.
I've looked.
It's 55.
Oh, no, it's way more than 55.
I know what 55 is,|and that, my friend, was not 55.
Thanks.
- Are you cold? I could turn up the heat.
|- Please, enough with the bragging.
- So, you're good?|- I'm good.
I'm going to fall asleep|extremely happy tonight.
- Hi.
|- Hi back.
Are you thinking about joining me|back here anytime soon? - Joining you? Well-|- Jason? Okay, just remember,|you like that I have little quirks.
Okay.
They're what make me, me.
You're not going to ask to wear|my dress, right? No.
I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind|sleeping in the guest room tonight.
- Didn't see that one coming.
|- I am the world's lightest sleeper.
I have chronic insomnia,|so I toss and I turn like a crazy person and I can't sleep in the same bed|with another person.
- You're serious?|- Yeah.
You want me to go in the guest room? It's a really nice room.
You know, why don't I just go? No, please, I swear I want you to stay.
|I want to see you in the morning.
I want to make breakfast.
|I want you to be here when I get up.
Well, not here.
In there.
Jason, you don't have to go|to all this trouble just to get me to leave.
- I don't want you to leave.
|- I'm a big girl.
I can handle truth.
- This is the truth.
|- I have things I need to do tomorrow.
I should probably go home anyhow.
Please, just look at the room.
Just one look.
A peek.
You don't have to use both eyes|if you don't want to.
- One look.
|- That's all I ask.
That, and you get out|of the bed very slowly.
Don't flirt with me.
|I'm finding you weird right now.
- Fair enough.
Here you go.
|- Thank you.
Here it is.
It's okay.
There are hundreds of great books in here,|ranging from the classics "Wuthering Heights," to the real classics,|Valley of the Dolls.
Nice taste.
Fully loaded mini-bar, soda,|candy, little bottles of hooch a really great CD player,|CDs down below and a DVD library above.
DVDs but no TV? Oh, come on, that is cool.
Okay, fine, it's cool.
The room is good.
It's better than "good.
"|I would love this room.
You do know you can have it, don't you? I can't have any distractions in my room,|or I won't sleep.
- Really?|- That's right.
TV, reading material,|unbelievably gorgeous woman I should at least get billing over the TV.
- It's plasma.
|- Right.
So, what do you think? There's Kiehl's products in the bathroom.
Jason, I promise, if I leave,|it won't be that big a deal.
It'll be a very big deal to me.
Please stay.
- Okay.
|- Yes? - Yes.
Freak.
|- Thank you.
Even for the "freak," thank you.
There's a loofah in the top drawer.
- Good night.
|- Good night.
Walking against the wind|of Western aggression It's late.
Late, late.
Don't you want to know where I was? No, I don't.
I completely lost track of time.
I should remember|to take a watch with me from now on.
When I got that call tonight,|I had no idea it was going to go this late.
Yes, it was quite a night.
Tonight.
You're sure you don't want|to know where I was? No, I don't want|to know where you were and I don't want to know|what you were doing or who you were doing it with.
I had to cover for you|when Doyle noticed you were gone so I told him you were at a family thing.
And as far as I'm concerned,|that's where you were at your family thing.
And in the future, I want nothing to do|with anything to do with what you were doing tonight or who|you were doing it with, especially who.
Now, go to sleep.
- I smell like pipe tobacco.
|- Oh, jeez.
Here's how the major averages|are moving at this hour.
The Dow Jones is down to 86 points S&P down as well, seven points.
Hi, Cyrus.
Good.
Listen, would you still find me attractive|if I were poor? - No.
|- That's what I figured.
Sleep good? I watched "The Daily Show,"|fell into the best sleep I ever had woke up, watched|Fast Times at Ridgemont High and had a vanilla-scented Jacuzzi bath.
That's what the look on your face is.
|I thought it was from sex with me.
No, it's from the Jacuzzi bath.
- Good morning.
|- Good morning.
- Coffee's over here.
|- Thank you.
The coffee smells good.
Can we not sleep together again tonight? Absolutely.
You want cheese in your eggs? Why not? Good.
I think we're ready to go.
- Look what you've done here.
|- I am trying to impress you.
Trust me,|once you're completely mad about me it is back to cornflakes and beer.
- This is lovely.
|- You are lovely.
- Very good.
|- Tomorrow I'll make blintzes.
Listen, we should talk about|what we're going to do.
- About what?|- I mean, you know what we're going to say|to people about us.
How about "yahoo"? I'm talking about what we're going to say|to my parents about us.
We'll say that we're having|repeated sexual encounters out of wedlock, continuously - as Catholic schoolchildren are walking by.
|- Perfect.
No, you know, we like each other,|we're dating.
Pretty simple.
Nothing is simple|when it comes to my parents.
- What do you want to say?|- I'd like to say nothing.
Nothing? It isn't really|any of their business anyhow, is it? No, but we can't just say nothing.
It'll cause too many problems|if they know.
In my experience,|these things have a way of coming out.
- How?|- I don't know.
Somebody slips up.
I never slip up.
I'm completely non-slip.
Like one of those rubber mats|in the bottom of the tub.
- Why can't we tell your parents?|- I just think it's weird.
You're in business with my father,|and he won't like this.
- He'll get used to it.
|- My father never gets used to anything.
He still misses diesel fuel.
You don't find it exhausting,|keeping secrets? You have to watch everything you say.
I always have to watch everything that|I say around my parents anyway.
How about we just tell one of them,|to see how that goes? Please, Jason,|we will tell them eventually, I promise.
Just not now.
Okay, they're your parents and if you feel that strongly,|then we'll wait.
Thank you.
- Can I feed this to Cyrus?|- Sure.
Cyrus, you want the bacon? - That is one strange dog, Jason.
|- Yes.
Excuse me,|you know how much longer it's going on? No.
- Hello.
|- Are we too late? No, of course not.
- Good.
|- May I have your ticket, please? I don't have a ticket.
- You can't take the tour without a ticket.
|- Excuse me, this is my daughter.
- Hello there.
|- Hi.
- Come in, Lorelai.
|- Okay.
Bye.
Mom, what is going on? We let the historical society|use our house for a walking tour.
It's for a good cause,|and I am never doing it again.
- It was supposed to end at 5:00, Emily.
|- I know that, Richard.
What do you want me to do,|throw them out? This is not how it's done.
|This is not how proper charities work.
You do not infringe on people's lives.
|You make a plan and stick to it.
Look, they hired actors to be the family.
|How clever.
- We are not actors!|- Richard, please.
This is not part of the tour.
Sorry, Emily.
- That's quite all right, Dorrie.
|- It is not all right, Dorrie.
Richard,|just ignore it and pass the carrots.
This is lunacy.
I feel as if I was in a zoo.
You know what monkeys do|when people stare at them in the zoo? - No, I don't.
|- And you don't want to.
- How do you know?|- I can just tell.
Don't play that piano!|Don't you see the sign? - There was supposed to be a sign.
|- There is a sign.
It's not a very good sign.
The house was built|in 1906 by Stanford White.
That's it.
The house was built in 1907,|and he was a protégé of Stanford White.
I'm getting a migraine.
So, you're a full-fledged|newspaperwoman now.
Yes, I am.
- Congratulations.
|- Thank you.
You got to get yourself|a nickname like Smitty and start talking really fast.
- Faster than I already do?|- Whatever it takes.
What were you going to do, hit the man? - He went into my desk!|- He was 85 years old! It's never too late to learn a lesson.
- This is it, Emily.
I mean it.
|- I know you do, Richard.
The next time you plan a function,|we will rent a hall and do it properly like the fibromyalgia function last night.
That is the proper way to raise money.
You went to a function last night.
|You have one tonight.
We didn't host the one last night.
- We were just guests.
|- Was it fun? - It was fine.
|- It wasn't here.
It was perfect.
The food was terrible.
The fact that people still insist|on serving paella is simply beyond me.
- However, the room looked lovely.
|- And the music was excellent.
The guest list was very good - a lovely group of people, except for-|- Emily! Would it have hurt the woman|to buy an undergarment? - Who?|- She was a very nice girl.
I wouldn't request|to see her thesis on anything but she was charming and a good dancer.
Who's the dumb girl|without the underwear? Jason's date.
Jason brought a date? And I had to sit next to her all night.
The fascinating time we had.
"I know all the best places|to get my acrylics filled.
" Your mother is a snob.
|She was quite beautiful.
- She was?|- She's perfect for Jason, I will say that.
So, how beautiful was she? Like Catherine Zeta-Jones|or the weird-looking Hilton sister? She looks like|exactly the kind of gold digger who would latch onto|an immature little con artist like Jason.
My goodness, Emily,|tell us how you really feel about the boy.
But when you say "gold digger,"|do you mean she was cheap-looking? - Yes.
|- No.
- Is he serious about this girl?|- Who can tell? She looks like|a perfectly fine first wife for him.
Now the old man is just baiting me.
What did I tell you about the piano? We don't have to put|the reception area over there.
I just want to know|where my office is going to be.
Fonzie used the bathroom as his office.
Yeah, what's good enough for the Fonz - isn't good enough for you?|- Yeah.
Fonzie used that bathroom office|only rarely and not for any business|for which he was paid.
He had use of a private office|at the auto shop he worked at then access to the teachers' lounge|where he taught night school part-time.
You're taking this Fonzie thing|way too seriously.
Lorelai, am I interrupting? What are you doing here? I was on my way to New York but I wanted to see this inn|you're always talking about.
- Sure.
|- Hello, I'm Sookie.
Sookie is my partner here.
- Hi, Sookie, I'm Jason Stiles.
|- Yes, you are.
- Michel Gerard.
|- Michel is the manager of the Dragonfly.
- It's nice to meet you.
|- I'm just gonna show Jason around.
- Take your time.
|- Follow me.
Your friends seem really nice.
- They're the best.
|- So, who do they think I am? What do you mean? Did you tell them we're dating|or do they think I make your hats? - They know who you are.
|- This place is really great.
- You think?|- I do.
That's good.
You seem a little distracted.
- Did I come at a bad time?|- No, you came at a perfect time.
Perfect time for - I heard you went to a function one night.
|- Fibromyalgia, a very dull disease.
- I also heard you didn't go alone.
|- No, I didn't.
- So, you brought a date?|- Yes, I did.
Okay, good.
I'm glad.
My mother said|she didn't wear any underwear.
- Emily didn't wear any underwear?|- Your date didn't wear any underwear.
I don't know that for a fact,|but if Emily said so far be it from me to call her a liar.
- Okay, you want to see the stables?|- Sure.
There they are.
Tour's over.
Bathroom's to the left.
You want to tell me|what you're bothered about? We're sleeping together and you're taking bare-butted women|to functions? - Crystal is just a friend-|- A friend named "Crystal"? - Who are you? Hugh Hefner?|- Wait a sec.
I would've rather taken you|to that function.
Crystal is very sweet,|but the mocking of the sick is completely beyond her capabilities.
You told me that your parents|were not supposed to know about us.
And since this is a function|your parents would attend I thought taking you'd be|out of the question.
- You could have gone alone.
|- You don't go to these things alone.
There are two seats,|you've got to fill them.
You could have told me,|so I wasn't blind-sided by my parents.
This is what I mean about keeping secrets.
It never works.
|Let's just tell your parents.
Then we never have to have|this conversation again.
I am in a business|where there are lots of functions.
I have to go to them,|and I don't want to take other people but I'll have to if you won't let me|say something to your father.
I have no interest|in spending a second of my time with any other woman but you,|and Eartha Kitt.
- Sure.
|- So, what do you say? Can we end the madness|and tell your parents? - No.
|- No? I know it's tricky to keep this a secret but I just don't think|it's time to tell them yet.
If that means I have to adjust,|then I have to adjust.
Now that you've told me how you feel I think it's fine|if you take Crystal to these functions.
Fine for you.
|You don't have to talk to the woman.
- Sorry.
|- Maybe you don't understand.
It's like beating your head|against a wall with spikes.
- Want to see the apple trees?|- She thinks that Babe can really talk.
Contemporary political fiction? - Yes.
Good.
|- I swore this semester would be different.
I would get to class on time.
|Finish my assignments on time.
I would do everything on time.
|I left my purse on the bench.
I haven't started speaking yet.
- Asher Flemming is teaching this course?|- I know.
Isn't it cool? Rory Gilmore.
We meet again.
Hello, Prof.
Flemming.
- You're taking this class?|- Yes, I am.
Wonderful.
I look forward to it.
After all, it seems very natural, doesn't it? Especially since you and I|have someone very important in common.
Your grandfather.
- Good man.
|- Yes, sir, very good.
All right, let's get settled.
The class is contemporary political fiction.
I am Prof.
Flemming.
|All those in the wrong class, please leave.
How do you know|you're in the wrong class? If you do not enjoy a good argument if you find it difficult|to voice a differing opinion and if you cannot appreciate|an intelligently cloaked insult then you're in the wrong class.
If all of these things appeal to you then you are in for|an interesting semester.
I'll be handing out the reading lists.
English