Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e10 Episode Script
Bye Bye Yasir
Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen! Boys and Muslims, Muslims, Muslims! The new featherweight champ of Mercy! Amaar Rashi-i-d! Okay.
Enough, everybody.
Enough.
It was just a charity boxing match.
Over and forgotten.
Oh-ho-ho.
It's over, all right! And I'm sure Thorne wishes it was forgotten! You defended the honour of Islam against the Christian marauders.
Baber, nobody was marauding.
It's all right here.
"Local Dog Amuses All"? Oh, no.
Your story's on page three.
To be fair, that dog was terrific.
I'm not proud of what I did.
Not proud? It's the first good thing you've done for the mosque.
I like to think I've done many good things for the mosque.
And I like to think I look like a brown Sean Connery.
The name is Siddiqui, Baber Siddiqui.
I just wish this whole thing would go away.
Memories are short.
I'm sure people will soon forget you pummelled a priest.
Though probably not as long as Thorne wears that neck brace.
Season 4 Episode 10 Bye Bye Yasir Hey, Mom.
What's wrong? Ugh! It's your father.
He's on the phone with his mother.
I can only imagine what she's saying about me.
"That woman can't cook falafels, that woman can't cook tabbouleh.
" Grandma has a point, Mom.
You don't actually cook tabbouleh.
Oh, and then there's the neuroses, and the manipulations The hypochondria.
Oh, she doesn't have that, she just thinks she does.
You can't let her get to you.
Of course I can! That is the woman who tried to get your father a second wife! But Dad loves her, so what can you do.
And I love your father, so as long as he thinks that nasty lady is a loving mother, I'll play along.
Ooh.
I have a plan.
Whenever he mentions her name, I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Okay, terrible news! Mother Hamoudi has suffered a fall.
It's It's her hip.
She needs me in Lebanon.
What do you think? You have no thoughts on the matter? Not one at all? Nothing? Zero? Zilch? I guess not.
That's so unlike her.
Usually, she'd say that this is some kind of an evil plot by my hateful mother to separate us.
Well, maybe she doesn't feel that way anymore, right, Mom? Well, wonderful! I'll go off and make my arrangements, then.
I guess, I can leave Yousef in charge while I'm gone.
Are you okay? Oh, that plan is killing me.
Too much breath-holding.
Time for plan C.
Don't you mean plan B? No Plan B never works.
Ooh.
Baby steps Ah Rev, uh can I just have a word with you, please? Amaar, please! Contain your fiery Middle Eastern rage! Haven't you done enough damage? Look, ladies.
I just want to talk to the Reverend, please.
Now, ladies.
The Christian thing for me to do is to hear Amaar out.
Oh, wow, and after all you've been through.
But use your words, not your mitts, okay? Oh, come on.
When have you known me to lose my temper? Oh.
We'll be right here if you need us.
And I've got pepper spray in my purse.
- Look, Reverend - Mm-hmm.
About the fight.
I just feel terrible.
I mean, it was one lucky punch.
Well, lucky for me, not so lucky for you.
It was the luckiest punch ever.
Well There was some skill involved.
But mainly luck Look.
I don't want to debate who won and who had their cassock handed to them in round two, but What was it you wanted again? Okay.
The fight was not my proudest moment.
And I, uh Just wanted to apologize.
Oh! Oh, of course, yes.
Apology accepted.
Oh God.
Burger or a sloppy joe? That's what my old dad would call "a toughie".
They are both just hamburger! Well, they are and they aren't.
I mean Oh, hey.
Bringing your work home with you? Or wait, are you doing house calls now? Oh, no.
Just a favour for a friend.
Mufeeda turned her ankle.
Oh! I was going to have a tea, actually.
You should have thought of that before I anticipated coffee.
Rayyan Hamoudi.
Baber? An emergency? Okay, all right.
I'll be right there.
I've got to go.
Got it! I'm going to have a great big plate of Coffee? Certainly.
You know, coffee goes right through me.
Hello.
Hi.
Look, I know I apologized.
And I accepted.
Yes, I was there.
But it's not enough.
I've been thinking and I need to make amends.
Amends? We're not in the Middle Ages.
You didn't kill my donkey or give the plague to my serf.
Just let it go, okay? I have.
Oh, my back is so Itchy.
Uh Do you need help with that? Yeah.
- Ahh, thank you.
- Okay? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Look, in Islam, making amends in this world is important.
Really? How interesting.
So how many goats do I get for whiplash? Huh! Goats.
Look, I feel that the only way to find God's forgiveness is to be of service to you.
I like the sound of this.
So, uh what can I do for you? Well, now that you ask, I would love some of Fatima's chilli.
Mmm! And if you go by the drug store, some antacid.
- But the drug store's all the way across - Yes? - No problem.
- Great.
Look, my wallet is in my back Oh, no, no.
Don't do that.
I'll I'll pay for it.
Really? Thank you.
Oh, um, and I almost forgot.
My cassock, I need my cassock from the cleaners.
Right.
And how's your shorthand? I need to dictate a letter to the Bishop.
Uh Unless you didn't mean what you said about helping No, no! I meant it, I meant it.
Good! I suspect I'll need a lot of help.
I should have just gotten you the goat.
Baber? What happened? Oh, my trick back! I was trying to get closer to God and "blammo"! I end up close to the floor! Okay, sit up.
Try this.
Ay, it's like ice! It is ice.
Oh, that explains it.
Now this.
Ouch! - I am on fire! - It's a heat pack.
Oh, very good.
You've harnessed the powers of both hot and cold.
All those years of medical correspondence school have finally paid off, heh? Does your back feel any better? Not at all.
Wait.
Yes.
It does! How can I thank you for this house call? First, I don't do house calls.
And second, just try not to bend over, okay? Done and done.
Ah! You tried to bend over, didn't you? Yes, I did.
Hi, honey.
What have you got there? A gift basket for your mother.
Why? See? Bath oils.
Bath salts.
Bath bombs.
Why? She has a broken hip! She can't get in the tub.
Sarah, do you want her to drown? No! I want to be nice.
I hate to belabour the point.
But again, why? Do I need a reason to be nice to your mother? Yes.
You do.
Very much.
I am not trying to trick you.
I was going to, but I couldn't think of a trick that would work.
Besides, you love her, I love you.
It's important that we get along.
So, I hereby bury the hatchet with your mother.
Well, I'm sorry for doubting the world's best wife.
- Oh.
- You're making it very difficult for me to tear myself away from you to go and look after the world's best mother.
Baber says you do house calls.
That's the truth, sister.
No, I do not do house calls.
Okay? Methinks the doctor doth protest too much, huh? It's just that sometimes, - the odd emergency will - Like this? Oh, okay.
Thank you for that, Fatima.
And I'm done.
So, is it serious? Do I need to rewrite my will? No, you need to stay away from wool.
That's contact dermatitis.
Ah! I have an "itis"! So, that is the end of Fatima! How long do I have? We will get you some cortisone cream and you'll be good as new.
Thank you for the house call.
You're welcome and it's not a house call.
It's just a favour for a friend.
Be careful, or soon it will all be special favours.
Like "dressing on the side" or "salad instead of fries" or "can I have the food I ordered?" I think I can handle it.
Hey, toots, can I get the salad instead of fries? No.
Darling? Darling.
Wonderful news! Really? Your mother's better! No.
It's my trip.
I just can't bear the thought of being away from my loving, charitable wife.
Oh, that is so sweet! Oh! I'm sure your mother will be fine without you.
And I can just ship her the gift basket! Or You can give it to her yourself.
Oh, well, that's just silly.
She can't travel with a broken hip! Ta-da! That looks like a plane ticket.
Surprise! You're coming too! - What? - Yeah! Imagine! You, helping her through physical therapy.
- Her, shouting curt, but helpful orders at you.
- Oh! You and Mother Hamoudi together 24/7, sharing the glory that is Lebanon.
- Ohh - I can just see it! Ah, me too.
Ah! - Hi, Fred.
- What's up, doc? Just late for work.
Uh, come on inside for just a minute.
That's all I need, I swear.
If this is medical, call my office and make an appointment.
I'm too busy, you know? Tupper time is money time.
Well, Hamoudi time is nine-to-five in my office.
Well, hey, come on, you did house calls for the Maliks and Baber and Fatima.
- It'll just take a second, we'll just - Fred! Does it mean anything that it throbs in the shower? Inappropriate! Call my office! Well, does it? Ow! I can't go to Lebanon.
I have a job! Why don't you take some of the vacation time you've banked? This is one of those times I really don't need your help.
Sarah, lying got you into this mess.
There's only one way to get you out.
I know, but lying makes Yasir so happy.
I can't tell him the truth now! Who said anything about telling the truth? Mama's talkin' driving for the border in a vintage Chevy like Thelma and Louise.
- They died.
- We don't know that.
Hi, Ann.
You wanted to see me.
Rayyan! I'm feeling a little punk.
I need a B12 shot.
Oh, well, you can make an appointment.
Or we could just go around the corner.
Nothing the parking lot attendant hasn't seen before.
Thanks for the house call.
I don't do house calls.
Sure you do! Hey-hey, Amaar! Want to give the old pigskin a toss? Ha.
As tempting as a pigskin is for a Muslim, I'll pass.
Come on, it'll be fun! I don't really like football.
Well, not fun for you, fun for me.
Okay, fine.
Too bad Thorne's too hurt to play.
Oh, yeah, Thorne.
He's faking it.
You can't fake handsome.
No, I'm talking about his neck! I saw him with his brace off.
He was practically doing cartwheels.
I don't get it.
Why would he fake an injury? Hi, Mrs.
Wispinski.
How are you? Amaar.
To turn everyone against me and the mosque.
Huh.
I guess there's one way to find out if a priest is faking.
- The old Hail Mary.
- Whoa, no! Reverend! Yes? Oh! Oh my goodness! Oh no! Oh! Oh my back.
Oh my back.
Oh, my back, my back! Amaar, what is wrong with you? Are you all right? Oh, I'm in a great deal of pain.
Oh, just get away from him! I have no words for you.
Well, I've got a whack of them, they all start with the "A"s.
Ladies, ladies, please.
Jesus enjoined us to turn the other cheek.
I'll turn your other cheek! Can I do anything? Something? Anything? Could you drive me to the hospital? - I don't have a car.
- Then you can do nothing.
It's okay, Reverend.
We'll walk you.
The clinic's only a couple blocks away.
Are you okay? Oh, dear! Oh my goodness.
Look, I-I could walk you! Do you want me to walk you? Please let me walk you.
You know, I don't think he's faking it.
Oh, sorry about bailing.
I didn't want to get in trouble there.
We're cool though, right? That's right, folks.
It's not really a pierogi, unless it's a McCaig Pierogi! Also try McCaig's Matzo Balls.
Ach, oy! A taste of old Scotland that's worth the schlep! So You say you got my mail by accident.
Why didn't you just put it in my mailbox? Oh, it was marked "urgent" there, so I figured you'd want to get it right away, you know.
This is addressed "To Occupant".
Oh, it was so important they didn't have time to write your name on it.
Fred, I don't do house calls.
And get that gamey foot out of my face! Oh, so it's two-tier health care, huh? House calls for the Muslims and nada for whitey? No.
I don't I don't do house calls for anyone! Nobody.
No house calls, period.
I don't do them! You know, I don't want to sabotage the trip, honey, but we haven't really thought the details through.
- Mmm? - I mean, all the All the work commitments and the promises and the people we would leave in the lurch.
You're right, darling.
People will be lurched.
Severely lurched.
We can't just drop everything and run off to Lebanon.
What were we thinking? We can't abandon Hamoudi Construction in the middle of the Mercy Anglican job.
- Can't! - We can't.
Oh, and I was so looking forward to going! - You were? - I was! You can still go.
Oh, I wish I could! - You can! - I can't! Yes, you can! - No, I really, really can't! - Think about it.
You buried the hatchet with Mother Hamoudi.
Right? Right.
I can take care of business, you can go for me! Wait a minute.
Did I just say "right"? You can feed, bathe, and nurture my beloved mother all alone! Darling, you're hurting me.
Darling! Ooh! Oh, my Lord! Oh, I didn't mean to take him in vain but, boy howdy! Ladies, I'll survive.
How are you going to make it through? I have some help.
I've got the hymnals, here.
- Great.
- Where do you want them? Uh, just put them in the attic.
That's where I got them from.
Oh, silly me.
I'm so confused! Must be all the pain killers.
Oh! Oh, Amaar and you're helping.
That's very Christian of you.
I was going to say that! But you didn't, did you? It's just until the Rev feels better.
Although I googled "soft tissue injuries" and apparently, they can take weeks, even months to heal.
- Great! - Yeah.
But I remain optimistic.
Me too! "Need your help, baby"? Oh, Fred.
Give it up.
- Hey there! - Oh, Fred! This has got to stop! What is the big deal, huh? You're my doctor, I'm your patient.
Why does it matter where we talk? Well, if it doesn't matter, then let's talk at the office.
Goodbye.
You know what your problem is there, Florence of Arabia? - You got no respect.
- Oh, I got no respect.
What about you? You're waiting outside my house, you're calling me and you're texting me! - I haven't been texting you! - Of course you have.
And I don't appreciate your tone.
"Answer your phone, baby"! "Baby, where are you?" I mean, that's inappropriate and offensive.
"Baby"? Come on, Fred.
I haven't been calling you "baby".
That's not my number! And the message reads: "Answer your phone.
Baby, baby.
Where are you?" Oh my God.
Christine Middleton! Her due date is Oh my God! Oh! I I know, I Darling, terrible news.
I just got off the phone with my mother.
Oh, how is the poor dear? Your compassion is like a dagger through my heart.
No, I can't bear it.
It's too terrible.
Yasir, what's wrong? Well, when I told her that you were coming instead of me, she How can I put this? She shouted and shouted until she hung up on me! I will call her back if you'd like, when my hearing returns.
Yeah, sweetie, sweetie.
Don't take it so hard.
Well, how can I not? You've put your bad feelings aside, she won't.
I feel horrible.
Well, um, what if I told you that when I said I put those bad feelings aside I was How shall I put this Lying.
- You were lying? - I was.
- To me? - To you.
Darling! - That's wonderful! - Oh! And very good too because I didn't suspect a thing.
Well, what can I say, I learned from the best.
I'm very proud.
Well, you see, the truth is I do not love your mother.
But, I still think that you should go to Lebanon.
- What about Hamoudi Construction? - Well, I'll run it.
How can one man have such a wonderful, lie-telling wife? You are so lucky! Okay, you're the full 10 centimetres, looking good.
Sorry I didn't return your text messages.
- Where the hell were you? - Well, sometimes house calls can be a little bit of an imposition on a doctor Get this thing out of me now! Okay! All right.
On three, we're going to push.
One, two Okay, two is good.
Little Chester.
Born on the chesterfield.
What was I thinking? Sure, house calls can be annoying.
But sometimes They are worth it.
Yes, they are! Ah, it's still too hot.
There he is.
Mr.
Wonderful! Ladies, please How much good can one man do? Amaar, you are a real blessing.
Excuse me? Thank you, Mrs.
Hobbs.
I just want to be of service.
You know, I think it's marvellous how you lead by example, Amaar.
You've come a long way from that bare-knuckle brawler you used to be.
Yes, yes, yes, he's great.
Did I mention that I can't feel my toes? - Oh.
- You know, we have everything to learn about sin and repentance from you.
Aw, that's very nice of you to say.
Yes, it is.
Yes But more importantly, ladies No more soup.
Thank you.
More importantly, I wanted to thank you for your prayers.
They've made a huge difference.
I I I can feel it! You feel better? Yes, not just Not just better! I think I'm healed! I'm healed! - Oh! - I'm healed! Ohh! It's all thanks to the power of your prayers and His divine will! - It's a miracle! - Ohh! Yes.
- I'm going to spread the word! - So am I! - No you're not.
- Yes I am.
- Excuse me! - Just watch me! Excuse Don't you even open that door Well, Amaar, it appears my miracle cure has trumped your redemptive tale.
Point: Thorne.
- Hm.
It's not a game.
- Hm? It's about doing what's right.
So whether I hurt you for real or not I'm sorry, okay? Huh, I don't know why you're apologizing.
We don't have an audience.
No one heard.
Well, the one who really matters did.
Fatima? No.
Not Fatima.
I'm talking about God.
Ouch.
The God card! There! Mom! You're going to Lebanon with Dad? That's big of you! Oh, good God, no.
I'm no saint.
Those are your father's bags.
As much as it pains me to leave you both, don't worry.
I'll be back before you know it.
I don't know, Dad.
A broken hip? That could take weeks to heal.
Months even! Months? I'm going to miss you, darling.
Months? Don't worry, pet.
We'll talk on the phone all the time.
Months? And once Mother Hamoudi gets her gift basket, she'll be your biggest fan.
Oh no.
This baby's mine.
You know, I don't have to leave for the airport for another hour.
Hm.
Okay, I'm going to get going now.
Uh, Dad.
I love you.
- Travel safe, okay? - Of course, darling.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes.
Bath bomb For two! Subtitle by: Kiasuseven
Enough, everybody.
Enough.
It was just a charity boxing match.
Over and forgotten.
Oh-ho-ho.
It's over, all right! And I'm sure Thorne wishes it was forgotten! You defended the honour of Islam against the Christian marauders.
Baber, nobody was marauding.
It's all right here.
"Local Dog Amuses All"? Oh, no.
Your story's on page three.
To be fair, that dog was terrific.
I'm not proud of what I did.
Not proud? It's the first good thing you've done for the mosque.
I like to think I've done many good things for the mosque.
And I like to think I look like a brown Sean Connery.
The name is Siddiqui, Baber Siddiqui.
I just wish this whole thing would go away.
Memories are short.
I'm sure people will soon forget you pummelled a priest.
Though probably not as long as Thorne wears that neck brace.
Season 4 Episode 10 Bye Bye Yasir Hey, Mom.
What's wrong? Ugh! It's your father.
He's on the phone with his mother.
I can only imagine what she's saying about me.
"That woman can't cook falafels, that woman can't cook tabbouleh.
" Grandma has a point, Mom.
You don't actually cook tabbouleh.
Oh, and then there's the neuroses, and the manipulations The hypochondria.
Oh, she doesn't have that, she just thinks she does.
You can't let her get to you.
Of course I can! That is the woman who tried to get your father a second wife! But Dad loves her, so what can you do.
And I love your father, so as long as he thinks that nasty lady is a loving mother, I'll play along.
Ooh.
I have a plan.
Whenever he mentions her name, I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Okay, terrible news! Mother Hamoudi has suffered a fall.
It's It's her hip.
She needs me in Lebanon.
What do you think? You have no thoughts on the matter? Not one at all? Nothing? Zero? Zilch? I guess not.
That's so unlike her.
Usually, she'd say that this is some kind of an evil plot by my hateful mother to separate us.
Well, maybe she doesn't feel that way anymore, right, Mom? Well, wonderful! I'll go off and make my arrangements, then.
I guess, I can leave Yousef in charge while I'm gone.
Are you okay? Oh, that plan is killing me.
Too much breath-holding.
Time for plan C.
Don't you mean plan B? No Plan B never works.
Ooh.
Baby steps Ah Rev, uh can I just have a word with you, please? Amaar, please! Contain your fiery Middle Eastern rage! Haven't you done enough damage? Look, ladies.
I just want to talk to the Reverend, please.
Now, ladies.
The Christian thing for me to do is to hear Amaar out.
Oh, wow, and after all you've been through.
But use your words, not your mitts, okay? Oh, come on.
When have you known me to lose my temper? Oh.
We'll be right here if you need us.
And I've got pepper spray in my purse.
- Look, Reverend - Mm-hmm.
About the fight.
I just feel terrible.
I mean, it was one lucky punch.
Well, lucky for me, not so lucky for you.
It was the luckiest punch ever.
Well There was some skill involved.
But mainly luck Look.
I don't want to debate who won and who had their cassock handed to them in round two, but What was it you wanted again? Okay.
The fight was not my proudest moment.
And I, uh Just wanted to apologize.
Oh! Oh, of course, yes.
Apology accepted.
Oh God.
Burger or a sloppy joe? That's what my old dad would call "a toughie".
They are both just hamburger! Well, they are and they aren't.
I mean Oh, hey.
Bringing your work home with you? Or wait, are you doing house calls now? Oh, no.
Just a favour for a friend.
Mufeeda turned her ankle.
Oh! I was going to have a tea, actually.
You should have thought of that before I anticipated coffee.
Rayyan Hamoudi.
Baber? An emergency? Okay, all right.
I'll be right there.
I've got to go.
Got it! I'm going to have a great big plate of Coffee? Certainly.
You know, coffee goes right through me.
Hello.
Hi.
Look, I know I apologized.
And I accepted.
Yes, I was there.
But it's not enough.
I've been thinking and I need to make amends.
Amends? We're not in the Middle Ages.
You didn't kill my donkey or give the plague to my serf.
Just let it go, okay? I have.
Oh, my back is so Itchy.
Uh Do you need help with that? Yeah.
- Ahh, thank you.
- Okay? Yes.
Oh, yes.
Look, in Islam, making amends in this world is important.
Really? How interesting.
So how many goats do I get for whiplash? Huh! Goats.
Look, I feel that the only way to find God's forgiveness is to be of service to you.
I like the sound of this.
So, uh what can I do for you? Well, now that you ask, I would love some of Fatima's chilli.
Mmm! And if you go by the drug store, some antacid.
- But the drug store's all the way across - Yes? - No problem.
- Great.
Look, my wallet is in my back Oh, no, no.
Don't do that.
I'll I'll pay for it.
Really? Thank you.
Oh, um, and I almost forgot.
My cassock, I need my cassock from the cleaners.
Right.
And how's your shorthand? I need to dictate a letter to the Bishop.
Uh Unless you didn't mean what you said about helping No, no! I meant it, I meant it.
Good! I suspect I'll need a lot of help.
I should have just gotten you the goat.
Baber? What happened? Oh, my trick back! I was trying to get closer to God and "blammo"! I end up close to the floor! Okay, sit up.
Try this.
Ay, it's like ice! It is ice.
Oh, that explains it.
Now this.
Ouch! - I am on fire! - It's a heat pack.
Oh, very good.
You've harnessed the powers of both hot and cold.
All those years of medical correspondence school have finally paid off, heh? Does your back feel any better? Not at all.
Wait.
Yes.
It does! How can I thank you for this house call? First, I don't do house calls.
And second, just try not to bend over, okay? Done and done.
Ah! You tried to bend over, didn't you? Yes, I did.
Hi, honey.
What have you got there? A gift basket for your mother.
Why? See? Bath oils.
Bath salts.
Bath bombs.
Why? She has a broken hip! She can't get in the tub.
Sarah, do you want her to drown? No! I want to be nice.
I hate to belabour the point.
But again, why? Do I need a reason to be nice to your mother? Yes.
You do.
Very much.
I am not trying to trick you.
I was going to, but I couldn't think of a trick that would work.
Besides, you love her, I love you.
It's important that we get along.
So, I hereby bury the hatchet with your mother.
Well, I'm sorry for doubting the world's best wife.
- Oh.
- You're making it very difficult for me to tear myself away from you to go and look after the world's best mother.
Baber says you do house calls.
That's the truth, sister.
No, I do not do house calls.
Okay? Methinks the doctor doth protest too much, huh? It's just that sometimes, - the odd emergency will - Like this? Oh, okay.
Thank you for that, Fatima.
And I'm done.
So, is it serious? Do I need to rewrite my will? No, you need to stay away from wool.
That's contact dermatitis.
Ah! I have an "itis"! So, that is the end of Fatima! How long do I have? We will get you some cortisone cream and you'll be good as new.
Thank you for the house call.
You're welcome and it's not a house call.
It's just a favour for a friend.
Be careful, or soon it will all be special favours.
Like "dressing on the side" or "salad instead of fries" or "can I have the food I ordered?" I think I can handle it.
Hey, toots, can I get the salad instead of fries? No.
Darling? Darling.
Wonderful news! Really? Your mother's better! No.
It's my trip.
I just can't bear the thought of being away from my loving, charitable wife.
Oh, that is so sweet! Oh! I'm sure your mother will be fine without you.
And I can just ship her the gift basket! Or You can give it to her yourself.
Oh, well, that's just silly.
She can't travel with a broken hip! Ta-da! That looks like a plane ticket.
Surprise! You're coming too! - What? - Yeah! Imagine! You, helping her through physical therapy.
- Her, shouting curt, but helpful orders at you.
- Oh! You and Mother Hamoudi together 24/7, sharing the glory that is Lebanon.
- Ohh - I can just see it! Ah, me too.
Ah! - Hi, Fred.
- What's up, doc? Just late for work.
Uh, come on inside for just a minute.
That's all I need, I swear.
If this is medical, call my office and make an appointment.
I'm too busy, you know? Tupper time is money time.
Well, Hamoudi time is nine-to-five in my office.
Well, hey, come on, you did house calls for the Maliks and Baber and Fatima.
- It'll just take a second, we'll just - Fred! Does it mean anything that it throbs in the shower? Inappropriate! Call my office! Well, does it? Ow! I can't go to Lebanon.
I have a job! Why don't you take some of the vacation time you've banked? This is one of those times I really don't need your help.
Sarah, lying got you into this mess.
There's only one way to get you out.
I know, but lying makes Yasir so happy.
I can't tell him the truth now! Who said anything about telling the truth? Mama's talkin' driving for the border in a vintage Chevy like Thelma and Louise.
- They died.
- We don't know that.
Hi, Ann.
You wanted to see me.
Rayyan! I'm feeling a little punk.
I need a B12 shot.
Oh, well, you can make an appointment.
Or we could just go around the corner.
Nothing the parking lot attendant hasn't seen before.
Thanks for the house call.
I don't do house calls.
Sure you do! Hey-hey, Amaar! Want to give the old pigskin a toss? Ha.
As tempting as a pigskin is for a Muslim, I'll pass.
Come on, it'll be fun! I don't really like football.
Well, not fun for you, fun for me.
Okay, fine.
Too bad Thorne's too hurt to play.
Oh, yeah, Thorne.
He's faking it.
You can't fake handsome.
No, I'm talking about his neck! I saw him with his brace off.
He was practically doing cartwheels.
I don't get it.
Why would he fake an injury? Hi, Mrs.
Wispinski.
How are you? Amaar.
To turn everyone against me and the mosque.
Huh.
I guess there's one way to find out if a priest is faking.
- The old Hail Mary.
- Whoa, no! Reverend! Yes? Oh! Oh my goodness! Oh no! Oh! Oh my back.
Oh my back.
Oh, my back, my back! Amaar, what is wrong with you? Are you all right? Oh, I'm in a great deal of pain.
Oh, just get away from him! I have no words for you.
Well, I've got a whack of them, they all start with the "A"s.
Ladies, ladies, please.
Jesus enjoined us to turn the other cheek.
I'll turn your other cheek! Can I do anything? Something? Anything? Could you drive me to the hospital? - I don't have a car.
- Then you can do nothing.
It's okay, Reverend.
We'll walk you.
The clinic's only a couple blocks away.
Are you okay? Oh, dear! Oh my goodness.
Look, I-I could walk you! Do you want me to walk you? Please let me walk you.
You know, I don't think he's faking it.
Oh, sorry about bailing.
I didn't want to get in trouble there.
We're cool though, right? That's right, folks.
It's not really a pierogi, unless it's a McCaig Pierogi! Also try McCaig's Matzo Balls.
Ach, oy! A taste of old Scotland that's worth the schlep! So You say you got my mail by accident.
Why didn't you just put it in my mailbox? Oh, it was marked "urgent" there, so I figured you'd want to get it right away, you know.
This is addressed "To Occupant".
Oh, it was so important they didn't have time to write your name on it.
Fred, I don't do house calls.
And get that gamey foot out of my face! Oh, so it's two-tier health care, huh? House calls for the Muslims and nada for whitey? No.
I don't I don't do house calls for anyone! Nobody.
No house calls, period.
I don't do them! You know, I don't want to sabotage the trip, honey, but we haven't really thought the details through.
- Mmm? - I mean, all the All the work commitments and the promises and the people we would leave in the lurch.
You're right, darling.
People will be lurched.
Severely lurched.
We can't just drop everything and run off to Lebanon.
What were we thinking? We can't abandon Hamoudi Construction in the middle of the Mercy Anglican job.
- Can't! - We can't.
Oh, and I was so looking forward to going! - You were? - I was! You can still go.
Oh, I wish I could! - You can! - I can't! Yes, you can! - No, I really, really can't! - Think about it.
You buried the hatchet with Mother Hamoudi.
Right? Right.
I can take care of business, you can go for me! Wait a minute.
Did I just say "right"? You can feed, bathe, and nurture my beloved mother all alone! Darling, you're hurting me.
Darling! Ooh! Oh, my Lord! Oh, I didn't mean to take him in vain but, boy howdy! Ladies, I'll survive.
How are you going to make it through? I have some help.
I've got the hymnals, here.
- Great.
- Where do you want them? Uh, just put them in the attic.
That's where I got them from.
Oh, silly me.
I'm so confused! Must be all the pain killers.
Oh! Oh, Amaar and you're helping.
That's very Christian of you.
I was going to say that! But you didn't, did you? It's just until the Rev feels better.
Although I googled "soft tissue injuries" and apparently, they can take weeks, even months to heal.
- Great! - Yeah.
But I remain optimistic.
Me too! "Need your help, baby"? Oh, Fred.
Give it up.
- Hey there! - Oh, Fred! This has got to stop! What is the big deal, huh? You're my doctor, I'm your patient.
Why does it matter where we talk? Well, if it doesn't matter, then let's talk at the office.
Goodbye.
You know what your problem is there, Florence of Arabia? - You got no respect.
- Oh, I got no respect.
What about you? You're waiting outside my house, you're calling me and you're texting me! - I haven't been texting you! - Of course you have.
And I don't appreciate your tone.
"Answer your phone, baby"! "Baby, where are you?" I mean, that's inappropriate and offensive.
"Baby"? Come on, Fred.
I haven't been calling you "baby".
That's not my number! And the message reads: "Answer your phone.
Baby, baby.
Where are you?" Oh my God.
Christine Middleton! Her due date is Oh my God! Oh! I I know, I Darling, terrible news.
I just got off the phone with my mother.
Oh, how is the poor dear? Your compassion is like a dagger through my heart.
No, I can't bear it.
It's too terrible.
Yasir, what's wrong? Well, when I told her that you were coming instead of me, she How can I put this? She shouted and shouted until she hung up on me! I will call her back if you'd like, when my hearing returns.
Yeah, sweetie, sweetie.
Don't take it so hard.
Well, how can I not? You've put your bad feelings aside, she won't.
I feel horrible.
Well, um, what if I told you that when I said I put those bad feelings aside I was How shall I put this Lying.
- You were lying? - I was.
- To me? - To you.
Darling! - That's wonderful! - Oh! And very good too because I didn't suspect a thing.
Well, what can I say, I learned from the best.
I'm very proud.
Well, you see, the truth is I do not love your mother.
But, I still think that you should go to Lebanon.
- What about Hamoudi Construction? - Well, I'll run it.
How can one man have such a wonderful, lie-telling wife? You are so lucky! Okay, you're the full 10 centimetres, looking good.
Sorry I didn't return your text messages.
- Where the hell were you? - Well, sometimes house calls can be a little bit of an imposition on a doctor Get this thing out of me now! Okay! All right.
On three, we're going to push.
One, two Okay, two is good.
Little Chester.
Born on the chesterfield.
What was I thinking? Sure, house calls can be annoying.
But sometimes They are worth it.
Yes, they are! Ah, it's still too hot.
There he is.
Mr.
Wonderful! Ladies, please How much good can one man do? Amaar, you are a real blessing.
Excuse me? Thank you, Mrs.
Hobbs.
I just want to be of service.
You know, I think it's marvellous how you lead by example, Amaar.
You've come a long way from that bare-knuckle brawler you used to be.
Yes, yes, yes, he's great.
Did I mention that I can't feel my toes? - Oh.
- You know, we have everything to learn about sin and repentance from you.
Aw, that's very nice of you to say.
Yes, it is.
Yes But more importantly, ladies No more soup.
Thank you.
More importantly, I wanted to thank you for your prayers.
They've made a huge difference.
I I I can feel it! You feel better? Yes, not just Not just better! I think I'm healed! I'm healed! - Oh! - I'm healed! Ohh! It's all thanks to the power of your prayers and His divine will! - It's a miracle! - Ohh! Yes.
- I'm going to spread the word! - So am I! - No you're not.
- Yes I am.
- Excuse me! - Just watch me! Excuse Don't you even open that door Well, Amaar, it appears my miracle cure has trumped your redemptive tale.
Point: Thorne.
- Hm.
It's not a game.
- Hm? It's about doing what's right.
So whether I hurt you for real or not I'm sorry, okay? Huh, I don't know why you're apologizing.
We don't have an audience.
No one heard.
Well, the one who really matters did.
Fatima? No.
Not Fatima.
I'm talking about God.
Ouch.
The God card! There! Mom! You're going to Lebanon with Dad? That's big of you! Oh, good God, no.
I'm no saint.
Those are your father's bags.
As much as it pains me to leave you both, don't worry.
I'll be back before you know it.
I don't know, Dad.
A broken hip? That could take weeks to heal.
Months even! Months? I'm going to miss you, darling.
Months? Don't worry, pet.
We'll talk on the phone all the time.
Months? And once Mother Hamoudi gets her gift basket, she'll be your biggest fan.
Oh no.
This baby's mine.
You know, I don't have to leave for the airport for another hour.
Hm.
Okay, I'm going to get going now.
Uh, Dad.
I love you.
- Travel safe, okay? - Of course, darling.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yes.
Bath bomb For two! Subtitle by: Kiasuseven