Offspring (2010) s04e10 Episode Script

See? That is what I'm talking about.
It's always been uneven - me wanting more of you than you want of me.
I'm too old to be walking on egg shells.
I choose not to.
So, goodbye.
I can't I can't feel the baby.
Patrick's first child was stillborn.
Ah, there you are.
Thank God! It was unbelievable, Nines.
Within a week I had nothing.
I heard rumblings you might be in a bit of a pickle.
I had to sell it, Dad.
It's gone.
I came back as soon as we finished, so I'm here at the house.
Where are you? Hey.
Hey? Hey.
Morning.
Something's going on downstairs.
Huh? Listen.
It might be one of my family.
They've all got keys.
Wait, wait.
I'll go check.
Mmm.
It's one of my family, isn't it? Yep.
Billie? Hey.
What time did you drag your sorry ass in here? Oh, oh, last night's a bit of a blur.
I think about 3:00.
I slipped into my stealth bomber mode, that's just years of practice.
You know, sneaking out of my bed so Mum and Dad couldn't monitor my nocturnal shenanigans.
Remember that, Nines? Would you like some more tea? Um, no, Mick came home early from the festival, so he'll be wondering where I am.
I'll drive you home.
I said I'd have breakfast with Phillip before work, but I can have lunch instead.
Hey, don't rush around.
You're not at everybody's beck and call.
I'll walk home.
It's fine.
No, no, I'll drive you.
See you tonight.
See you.
Let's just stay in tonight.
Just us.
OK.
Are you sure? Mmm.
Big night.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
You must have been so worried.
You and Ange got diabolically rat-arsed, I take it.
Yeah, yeah, hammered.
It's just we drank the top shelf from left to right.
Mmm.
Sorry, I'm just aack.
So what flavour hangover are we talking about here? The bath and backrub one, or the big cafe breakfast? I think the shower and bed one.
Ugh! See ya.
See ya.
I'll call you later.
OK.
I was so fucking worried last night.
I get home at 4am, there's no sign of Billie.
She's not answering her phone.
I know.
Why would she crash at your place instead of just coming home? Do you think it would help if we all went to the pub tonight.
You know, you and me, Billie, Patrick.
Um Just it would Billie, when she's with you, you know, she talks.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good idea.
The pub, tonight.
Yeah? Yeah.
Cool.
OK, thank you.
You are very good at that.
Thank you.
So are you.
Do you ever think how, if we are together long-term, you might never have sex with anyone new ever again? I do.
And it's horrifying.
I know, right? I mean, we never said we'd be a traditional couple.
I've never felt the need to have exclusive rights to another person's Whoopee stick.
Yeah.
I mean maybe if two people are open and it was Mutual.
Yeah.
Are we talking purely hypothetically here, or? Are you? Dr Proudman, we need you.
Please explain to Dr Ward that a staff member who pashes off a girl in front of other staff members must offer up full details the next day.
I will not.
You cannot interrogate Eloise about private parts Private parts? .
.
parts of her life.
Eloise, you don't have to say anything.
It's your call, but please don't feel under any pressure.
You all saw I met someone at Lickity Split.
Mm-hm.
I went home with her.
Ha! Boom-ching.
It feels fast.
I think I'm already in a love triangle.
Ooh.
Maybe it's more of a pentagon.
A pentagon.
Eloise, if nurses still wore hats, I'd be taking mine off to you.
Maybe it's all too fast.
What do you think? Yeah, you might wanna hold back on the love reins a bit at this point.
So that's why tomorrow night we're just going out for a drink with a few of her friends.
Ah, friends date.
That's interesting.
Interesting.
Oh.
Excuse me.
So this pentagon Billie, how are you? Uh, Nines, tonight at the pub, whose idea was that? Uh, Mick's.
He wanted to make you feel better by doing something normal.
Oh, what is that noise? Oh, it's the blender.
It's a supposed hangover remedy.
I got it off the Net.
Nina, we need you.
There's a woman in here having a baby.
No biggie.
I've gotta go, Billie.
Drink plenty of fluids and take some Panadol.
Oh! Hello? Billie? Don't use the doctor voice about my hangover.
Alright, I'll see you tonight.
Ugh! Hi, Phillip.
Thank you for coming.
You alright? In your message you sounded Please sit.
There's something I need to say.
Phillip, what is it? Nina your mother who loves you very much and I, who love you very much are separating.
Oh.
This isn't something This isn't something that you want to see happen, no.
This kind of thing can be disruptive to the child.
The child? Mmm.
Oh you mean me.
I hope it doesn't affect your work or destabilise you too much.
It's you I'm worried about.
No, you mustn't worry about me.
This was my decision.
Was it? I hope Mum wasn't too harsh.
Don't take sides either, darling.
It was a matter of differing levels of emotional commitment.
I know this is a shock.
But none of this was your fault.
You DO know that, don't you? Yes.
You are so brave.
So brave.
Hey.
You guys had a big day.
Eight babies.
Twins included.
Let's get you home.
I can run you a bath, or Oh.
Hi, Mum.
I know you saw Phillip today.
Did he say he was going to the seven o'clock or the nine o'clock afro funk class? Uh, we did not talk about afro funk at all.
I realise I need to take a step towards Philip instead of constantly holding him at bay.
Oh, well, Mum, Phillip seems to think that you've split up.
He's been pestering me for ages to do this dance thing, so, uh come with me.
Come with you to African dancing tonight? No, I can't, Mum, sorry.
We're going to have a drink with Billie and Mick.
Ah.
Are we? No, on second thoughts, I don't want you to witness me doing some sad Westernised version of tribal dancing.
Mum? Are you? Bye, darling.
So, we're going out with your sister? Yeah, I know we said we'd have a night in, just us.
Sorry.
Well, do you want me to step in? Tell everyone to back off? No.
It's not like they're gonna back off on their own.
Why would they? I would have thought, you know, given how close you are to giving birth, they'd be laying off.
Trying to make it easier for you, not crashing in in the middle of the night.
Billie would have only done that if she had a reason.
She came over presumably because she wanted company.
Did you hear her come in last night? No.
Did you? I went down to get a glass of water at about 5:00.
She wasn't on the couch.
She might have been and you just didn't No, I would have seen her.
She obviously needs an alibi for some reason.
D'Arabont! I-I don't know why she needs an alibi, but tonight at the pub in front of Mick, you and I just need to play along.
OK? Ha-ha.
Yes.
Nice! Thank you.
Hey.
Hi.
I'm a winner.
Oh.
I take it my wife was a disgrace last night.
Uh, I slept through the whole thing, matey, so.
Yeah, we were asleep, both of us.
Fast asleep.
Fast asleep.
I was a total disgrace.
Well, yeah, this morning she was rough.
Ohh, rough.
OK, who wants a drink? Yep.
Yeah.
Not alcoholic.
Me either.
Three noes.
Mmm.
Alright.
Come on.
Let's hear it.
Stories.
How many bars you hit up last night? Oh, I think most of Smith Street.
It was this trail of destruction.
Ha.
Oh! Why didn't you just come home? Sorry? We're heaps closer to Smith's.
What did you go to Nina's for? Oh, 'cause we invited her to our place.
"Come over.
" Oh, I thought you were asleep.
Yep, yeah, I was asleep, but Nina was asleep, but the phone rang, it was Billie drunk.
I answered, said come round.
That's right.
So I heard, today.
Billie's got keys to our place so I went to bed.
Goodnight.
So technically we slept through Billie showing up.
Technically.
Sorry, Mick.
It's not a funny story.
Yeah, sorry, Mick.
OK, Billie, I just lied for you, however badly.
What's going on? Oh, my God.
Billie.
Hi.
Hi.
Was that weird? One 'hi' each.
I still don't have full brain function.
Yes, we heard you two hit the booze last night.
We drank many drinks.
Hey, last night did I make a complete boob of myself in front of Ugly Pete? Who's Ugly Pete? Who's Ugly Pete? Oh, he's this guy, um You used to buy drugs from.
She tried to set me up with him.
Oh, what? I know, right? So, did Ugly Pete ask about me or? Uh, no, I think actually he is gay.
Oh, flirting with a man who turns out to be gay.
That is so pointless and so ME, sadly.
Good thing I piked before midnight.
Midnight? Anyway So, should I stop crashing your night out? Yes.
See ya.
OK, bye.
Bye! Bye.
What was that? She's struggling.
Do something.
Oh, I need to pee.
Oops.
Whoa! I'll get it.
Billie! This is getting stupid.
You've gotta talk to me.
Huh? You didn't sleep at our house last night.
We're lying our faces off for you.
Why? Did you buy drugs from that man? Oh, God, no, the only drugs you could get from Ugly Pete now would be drycleaning fluid.
Then what? Ange said she left you before midnight.
What were you doing for six hours? OK, Nines, I can call you later on and I can explain everything, but right now, I just I need to get through this, alright? So just support me.
Just support me, alright? No, I've left.
Jimmy! Oh, it's so great to see you! Oh, hello, you little monkey.
Everyone's very glad to see me.
Oh, that's just getting scary.
Hey, you should stay for a drink.
No, sadly not possible.
I have a taqueria to run.
But I can offer you and Paddy something - the opportunity to practise your infant-wrangling skills.
Mum was gonna do it, but she's out on some mystery outing and I was hoping you might be able to babysit.
Oh, wow, I'm not sure.
Billie and I can do it.
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, no, we can we can do it! Can't we? Sure.
No, no, leave him with us.
Really? Yeah.
No, we'd love to do it.
Yeah, so would we.
Wow, a bidding frenzy.
Oh, bzzz! We win.
Excellent.
You sure you're OK to have him the whole night? Yeah, sure.
Good.
So you're at the tacos.
What's Zara's story? Oh I was afraid you might ask that question.
Uh we're opening up our relationship.
Oh.
We're taking it in turns to hit the town as unattached people and see where the night leads us.
Hold up there, kid.
Say what? Whose idea was that? It was mutual.
Um, anyway, here's the baby with the bag and all his accessories and food goo and I will leave you good folk to gossip and pass judgement on us.
Have a top night.
Goodbye, my boy.
Ehh An open relationship? Mmm.
Come on, Jimmy and Zara are gonna have sex with other people.
Surely I'm not the only person at this table that finds that fascinating.
I'm sure in reality they won't do anything.
I don't know.
You know Zara.
Yeah.
You know.
Mmm.
Come on, Billie.
What? Surely you've got a reaction.
Oh, I don't know.
Oh.
OK, what if I come to you and I said, "Let's have an open relationship.
" What would you say? Oh.
Oh, still, it's better than being cheated on, right? Oh, Billie, is that it? Change the subject.
I'm so sticky! Sticky? Yeah, I've been getting sticky lately.
Really? Mm-hm.
Is that a pregnancy thing? No, it's just on my arms mostly.
Hmm.
Who are you calling? Billie.
I can feel you watching me.
Oh, right.
Maybe I should just drive round there.
OK, what? What does that mean? Whatever it is, please just say it, because I'm just I'm not in the mood.
OK, this has been your day - first your sister came crashing in here really early in the morning.
And then you went and had lunch with Phillip.
As well as a huge day at work.
I know.
I mean, you delivered eight babies.
After which, we went and had drinks.
Again with your sister.
Yes, OK.
And then your brother turned up and you OFFERED to babysit.
I mean, you even lobbied for it.
I get what you're saying.
And now you're seriously considering going out again.
You don't have to cosset me, Patrick.
I'm not gonna break.
You're overextending yourself and you don't even know it.
Nina, you're having a baby.
OK? You won't always be available for the Proudmans.
The Proudmans? Since when have you called my family the Proudmans? Nina, that's not what I meant.
What do you think's gonna happen? Do you think I'm gonna have a baby and the family will just disappear? And what do you think's gonna happen? Really? Do you think you can just keep this up? Nina! Nina! Neens! Nina! Nina! Nina! Nina.
Nina, are you alright? Yes.
Yes, you've made your point.
I'm really worried about my sister and I can't just switch off.
I'm gonna go and lie down for a second.
Hey.
Hey.
Mick? Mmm? I love you so much.
I love you, too.
Hey.
Mmm? Let's have another go with the baby thing.
Yeah, blow the money.
Fly to London, extract more of Andrew's spores.
You know, or we could find another sperm donor.
Mick You know, there's a real onslaught.
And if it doesn't work, we can adopt a kid.
Um Jimmy didn't pack enough nappies in the bag.
I'll just, um walk down to the shop.
OK.
Hey was I wrong to say anything about babies? Afro? Pardon? Are you here for the dance class? Oh! Well, I'm not sure if I'm Oh, you're welcome to peek in and have a look and see if it's what you're after.
Right.
Daylight.
How did that happen? What time is it? Hey sleepyhead.
You slept eight hours straight.
You were making your waking-up snorting noises, so I made you breakfast.
Where's my phone? Billie was meant to call last night.
Oh.
About that, um a lot happened while you were asleep.
Oh? Frijoles with chorizo, five tortillas and a bit of salsa.
Is Nina home? Oh.
Look, Jimmy, Nina's asleep and she just needs to Oh, no, no.
Of course, don't wake her.
Uh? Come in.
Zara's out somewhere right now, maybe flirting, maybe more.
Does it really bother me or do I just think it should bother me? I mean, I've never been a possessive guy.
It doesn't take anything away from me if Zara Does it? In a way, the idea other people find my girlfriend hot is a turn-on, and she is objectively very hot.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right, the best thing to do is just monitor how I feel if and when something happens.
Thank you, Paddy.
Good talk.
Bye, Jimmy.
And then Darcy Skyped you from Broome.
He was worried about a rash.
And geronimo.
Just turn a bit more to the left.
I hope you're not squeamish.
Now, it's quite red.
Oh, my God, you didn't.
I've now seen nooks and crannies of your father that I never thought I'd lay my eyes on.
I'm so sorry.
Why didn't you wake me up? Ah, it was alright.
I diagnosed it via Skype.
Hang on a sec, Darcy.
That lump's always been Oh is Nina home? She's asleep.
Oh.
Well, don't wake her.
Something just happened at Afro Funk.
But, uh don't worry.
Was Phillip upset? He was.
So I invited him in.
Oh, Patrick, the other bits around the front are a bit more Is that Darcy? Oh! Darcy, how are you? Oh! Phillip, you have caught me at a disadvantage.
You should have woken me up if Phillip was here.
Just you don't understand all the stuff that's going on with Mum.
Well, I did my best.
Geraldine made an effort and came to Afro Funk, but I spurned her.
Turned my back.
Yeah.
Bit of a power play, huh? What did you say to him for? Did that plunge him into a spiral of self-doubt? Mmm.
A power play? Yeah.
Oh.
Now you say it, I can see it.
I'm ridiculous.
Maybe 'power play's not the right word.
No! No, no, no, you were spot-on.
I was using cheap one-upmanship.
Pathetic.
And then your mother turned up not long after that.
And Phillip just blanked me in the middle of some ludicrous gyration.
It was petty point scoring, so Lord knows why I let it upset me.
Did she ask you to go out drinking with her? Yeah, yeah.
But, you know, I said No, thanks, I might just Yes, yes, you stay here.
What? You just let her go? You didn't try and persuade her to go home, or I didn't have a chance, OK? And then Mick called your phone.
You took my phone? So it wouldn't wake you up.
What what did he say? Billie's not around at your place, is she? No.
Uh she left to go down to the shops, and that was ages ago.
She keeps sending me these texts - "I'm OK.
" You didn't tell him anything we'd been talking about? No.
Of course not.
I've always known what's going on inside her head.
Even if what was in there was fucking terrifying.
Now it's like I've lost my stage pass.
I've gotta call Billie.
Oh, well, she, um Come in.
What time was this? About midnight.
So, my sister was downstairs upset and you didn't wake me up? Hey.
Hey.
Thank you.
That's OK.
I know Nina would like me to wake her up, but she needs her rest.
Of course she does.
Yeah.
I've just made a mess of things.
Hey, look I know Mick loves you.
And you'll get through this.
Whatever it is.
Did she say what kind of mess? No, and I didn't push her.
Oh, Billie.
My sister needed me last night, and you let me sleep through it.
Oh, Nina.
This is crazy.
This is My family are important to me.
I know that.
That's why I was up half the fucking night, dealing with your family.
You should have let me deal with it.
And if I had, you'd be going to work now with no sleep.
Oh, come on, we've both been doing that since we were interns.
But not when we're 34 weeks pregnant.
There have to be limits.
Don't come between me and my sister.
Just don't.
Hey.
Oh.
What's going on? You've got waves of emotional poo coming off you.
When you, Renee and Martin were expecting, was there ever a point where you had different ideas about how to manage your family? Are you kidding? Two lezzos and a Clegg.
We didn't talk about anything else for about nine months, did we? What did we do? Negotiated family stuff while the baby was coming.
Oh, shiver me timbers and land ho, yes.
We'd stay back late at night and do PowerPoint presentations, and pie charts, and even a memorable group improvisation.
It was worth it, though.
You've just got to be on the same page.
Hi.
Hey, have you seen Billie this morning? No, her phone's switched off.
Well, I got up this morning, she just left a note, "Gone running.
" Well, running could be good.
Yeah, but it's been hours.
How fucking far does a person have to run? And she went out for ages last night, you know.
I thought she might have gone to yours.
I didn't see her last night.
Well, if there's anyone she talks to, it's you.
Nina! Yes? Coming.
Oh, God, sorry.
Go, save lives.
Deliver babies.
Bye, Mick.
Yeah.
How was your night? That wasn't a loaded question.
You only have to answer with, "It was fine" or I can tell you what my night was like.
No, no, I don't need to know.
OK.
Fine.
No, go on, tell.
I spent the night with your mother.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Holy shit.
She turned up at the bar that I was at.
Oh.
Oh, Jimmy, please.
She went round to Nina's, Nina was asleep, and she wanted someone to drink with.
Thereby torpedoing your saucy night out.
Mm.
Turning it into a Proudman night.
Well, you could try tomorrow night.
No, I can't.
I've got an early shift the next day.
Well, I guess the weekend after mine then.
No, I'll take the next weekend, you have the one after.
I organised the night off the taqueria specifically for next weekend.
Oh, well, this is exhausting.
Well, open relationships are hard work.
We don't have to pick Alfie up for another hour.
And your mum is passed out.
Mmm.
I've been thinking maybe what's emerging here are some different expectations about what we want our family life to be.
Uh-huh.
So, can we put that on the agenda? Should I make an appointment? For when? Now? No, not now.
It's just Your fortress mentality is not helpful.
If this is about last night, last night was a siege.
If it was your sister that was in trouble, you wouldn't be worrying about what time of night she came over, would you? Can you not see that? I shouldn't have raised this at work.
Let's talk about it later.
Jesus.
Oh, my God, sorry.
Are you OK? Yep.
Yep.
Watch where you're going, dammit! Just got my funny bone.
I'm really sorry.
You don't go bolting through doors without looking, Eloise! Patrick, it's fine! No, it's not fine! Calm down! I'm sorry.
Well Oh.
You didn't forget me, did you? Thanks for last night.
I really appreciate it.
Was Zara's night a Ah, I don't know, is 'success' the right word? Last night was a fizzer, due to extraneous circumstances.
Oh.
Is that a relief? I don't know.
We're going to keep experimenting with this thing and, yeah.
Right.
Mick.
I look around at other couples, and I don't see monogamy working out that brilliantly for them.
OK.
Where's Billie? Running.
Neens, I need you to use your doctor voice.
I need the morning-after pill.
The morning-after pill is a wise precaution.
So, um, do you write me a prescription? Oh, no, I have samples here.
Are you on any other medications? No.
I I recommend that we test for STDs.
Hep C, HIV.
Just to be on the safe side.
But we don't have to do that today.
Will it work? Yes.
Within 72 hours.
Side effects? You might feel queasy, dizzy, a bit tired.
And some women have bleeding because of the hormones.
Look at you.
Being a doctor.
You're looking after people.
And you're delivering all those beautiful babies.
I'm so fucking stupid! This guy - you're not in a relationship with him? Oh No.
It was just No.
II used to have sex with him now and then, years ago, and I told myself that that meant it didn't count.
Oh, he's gorgeous, and used to make me feel amazing and sexy.
The truth is two nights ago, I was so drunk and so wretched I didn't care what happened to me anymore.
But I but I care now.
One random night doesn't have to ruin everything.
God, I hope that's true.
Well are are you gonna tell Mick? I don't think that I should.
I mean, he doesn't NEED to know, and if I tell him I'm just off-loading.
I'm hurting him so that I can feel better, and that's that's selfish, right? Well But then, the trouble is that we've always been honest with each other about stuff, you know? In the end, anyway.
You have.
What would you do? II don't know.
II honestly don't.
Yeah.
Patrick was really lovely to me last night.
Just thank him for me, and explain.
Is there any point me asking where the fuck you've been, or am I not supposed to know what's going on with you anymore? Sorry.
Not us, Billie.
You know, push people away, smash things, but I'm not gonna let you sabotage us.
I'm just gonna have a gonna have a shower.
The thing is I remember this stage with Jodie.
So, lately, it's been like sirens going off in my head.
You know, I'm sorry.
I should have realised that.
Jimmy, Mum and Phillip all contacted me today to say how great you were last night.
I guess I could tell everyone to back off a little bit.
If this is what our life's gonna be - everyone having keys to our house, turning up on our doorstep night and day That IS how it has to be.
Which is OK.
But your family takes some handling.
And I am here to share the load.
I know.
Thank you.
I'm glad you say that, because tomorrow we're getting and handing them out to people in the area.
OK.
Hmm.
You must be exhausted after wrangling my family half the night.
I am a bit weary.
You know, even when my family aren't here they're sort of in my head.
They're my best friends.
And they're gonna help us raise this baby.
I know.
I love your family, too.
I had the best night's sleep last night.
Oh, yeah? I'm not even tired.
Really? What? I cheated on you.
I've slept with someone.