Only Murders in the Building (2021) s04e10 Episode Script

1
[CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE]
Marshall, we need to talk with you.
I thought you wanted to give me
more notes on the script.
Everyone's been hounding me about rewrites.
Every draft that Marshall turns in
is worse than the last.
Loretta and I shall
marry here in the Arconia.
[CHARLES, MABEL, OLIVER] Sazz!
There's something I need to talk to you
about when you get a sec, huh?
- It's a little sensitive.
- So, you don't know
- who the target was?
- [GUNSHOT]
The person who did this
would have to be extremely fit.
A gifted athlete in
the best shape of their life.
Sazz talked about a stuntman
on a movie called Project Ronkonkoma.
He was her protégé,
but he had messed up pretty badly,
and he was harassing her.
The only ones who know what went down
- are Sazz, Glen, and the director.
- [MUFFLED YELLING]
He's dead, my Glen.
[NEWSCASTER] [ON TV] Nicky Caccimelio
has been reported missing.
We heard there was quite the snafu
on Project Ronkonkoma.
[SCREAMS]
[BARTENDER] The guy fucked up so bad,
Sazz had to blackball him.
- Who was this protégé?
- Here he is.
[CHARLES] That kinda looks like
Why does this script say
it was written by Sazz Pataki?
[TEXT NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[SAZZ PATAKI] A movie is a hundred people
working together to tell one story.
[YELLING GROAN] That's right, Kincaid!
It's me, Uncle Brazzos,
and I can still send this investigation
into a whole new direction!
[DIRECTOR] Freeze! Tap in.
[SAZZ] Tap in!
And action!
[AIRBAG HISSES]
- [SAZZ] I'm good!
- [DIRECTOR] Cut!
- [ALARM RINGING]
- Check the gate!
- Woo!
- [SET CHATTER]
Nice job, Pataki!
[SAZZ PANTING]
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
- Woo!
Every person on the crew,
their job is to help tell the story.
Some tell it with music.
Some tell it with props. Me?
I tell it with osteoporosis.
[PANTING]
Sometimes, it doesn't sound terrible
to tell a story the old-fashioned way.
Without breaking
all my bones in the process.
But where to begin?
Well, I suppose it starts
with finding your hero.
[CHARLES] Hey, Sazz, you okay?
- All good, buddy.
- [CHARLES] Thank you.
- I'm getting worse with heights. Uh
- [STAFF CHATTERING]
Ah, I got you.
Don't you worry about a thing.
[CHATTER CONTINUES]
[TYPEWRITER TYPING]
[CHARLES] [ON PODCAST]
As it turned out, we are all Tim Kono.
[SAZZ]
When you take your hero on a journey,
get him in all kinds of trouble,
but land him home safely?
Nothing better than that.
[FLAPS PAPER]
But happy endings are for movies
and exotic massages.
Life can have very different plans.
So, the killer is Rex Bailey
slash Marshall P. Pope
slash the stuntman
slash the screenwriter slash
what the fuck is going on?
Where is the young one?
We need a pliable brain on this.
I texted Mabel
the minute we figured it out,
but she hasn't responded. Look.
How did you get that little accent mark
on the E in protégé?
Oh, you press and hold down
the letter you want the accent over,
then you get a list of accent choices.
- No kidding! [LAUGHS]
- It's fun, right?
Yeah, Mabel taught me that.
- [SHUTS OFF PHONE]
- You know,
every time we solve a murder,
that's when the next body drops.
It's like when one murder door closes,
someone we know either gets
stabbed, poisoned, or shot.
Why would you say that?
You know my wedding is tomorrow.
Loretta's on her way now,
here to the murder building.
I wasn't saying it'd be Loretta.
Well, you were basically
saying that, Charles.
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
Oh, my God.
My bride is gonna be
the next murder victim.
It's so us. And to think, up until now,
my only worry was
what our first dance should be.
And whether watching
Loretta and I do a tango
might be too erotic for everyone to handle.
- [SIGHS]
- [TEXT NOTIFICATION CHIMES]
It's from Mabel.
"Call the police or come
anywhere near her door
and I'll kill her"?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [GASPING]
- [LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]
[VOCALIZING]
[THEME SONG FADES OUT]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
Can you excuse me for a second?
I'm just gonna go grab
[MARSHALL GRUNTS]
You're not going anywhere.
You're pretty fit for a writer.
Because you were a stuntman.
Sazz's protégé.
You stole her script,
and then you killed her.
I can't believe I have to kill you, too.
It was just supposed to be Sazz,
but now look at me.
Sniping, smothering, it never ends.
So, you admit you killed Glen.
I didn't want to.
I never want to,
but it was only a matter of time
before he realized why I looked familiar.
I hate that I accidentally shot
Zach Galifianakis.
He's so funny in The Hangover.
Don't fuckin' move, Mabel!
Okay.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
Well, then,
you can kill me, but
you're on your own with the whole rewrite.
Oh, I know what you're doing.
Y-You're trying to buy time.
I-I'm not falling for that.
No, you're in charge of this
whole thing. I just Can I?
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
You have, um, Charles
logging onto AOL.
Yeah, 'cause he's old.
No, I've taught him better than that.
And then, you have Mabel
[SCOFFS] saying,
"You've got fail."
Are you sure you wanna go with that?
Fuck.
Fine.
W-We finish the scene,
and then I'll kill you.
Shouldn't we be running to Mabel?
[CARS HONKING DOWN BELOW]
Not that I don't love watching you
stare out a window like a sad war widow.
Oh, my God.
It was one person.
The ledge, that ledge.
It's been right there
in plain sight all along.
[OLIVER PUTNAM]
Who the hell would walk out on that?
A murderous stuntman would.
That's how the shoe print
got on the radiator!
That's how he did it in 12 minutes!
And it's the only way we can save Mabel.
- Abso Wait, what?
- Marshall said,
if we go to the door,
he's gonna kill Mabel.
So, we walk along the ledge
and smuggle her out.
This is actually really smart.
He'll never see us coming
through the window.
Okay.
You can drop the word "us"
'cause ol' Ollie Putnam
don't walk no ledge.
I need to do this.
I didn't save Sazz,
but I can save Mabel.
- [CURIOUS, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [WINDOW CREAKS]
[CHARLES GROANS]
- [WIND BLOWING]
- [STREET NOISE BELOW]
Okay! It's really high up!
Wh-What if you do it from Vince's?
I-It's right next door.
That is the first good pitch you've had
since this whole thing started.
It took four seasons,
but now I'm cookin' with gas!
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Oliver! Your chuppah arrived.
Where are we placing it?
Lester, I have urgent business,
so I need you to take over.
Now, I trust you completely, but just know
if you get anything wrong,
I will destroy you.
- [CHARLES GRUNTS]
- What? All he does is let in murderers.
Oh! My bride's in the courtyard. Okay.
Charles! I got married in
this courtyard, you know?
- Middle of the night with just the stars.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
And the fountain as our witness.
- [CHARLES] Uh-huh.
- I think it's good luck.
Lester, I told you when I moved in,
I don't really do anecdotes,
but have a good day.
Eh, having a wedding.
We'll have a good day, sure.
- [WHEELS RATTLING]
- [LORETTA SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh! That's nice. Okay.
- You're here!
- Oh! Oliver, oh, my God, my show!
I don't think I can marry you now.
- What?
- Production's moving to New Zealand
because algorithm feels it's newer.
Yeah, so NORFBUN is gonna be NZFBUN,
and I have to move to New Zealand
day after tomorrow!
Oh God, catch up when you can!
Okay, so, uh, m-maybe you can just quit.
- Oh, I can't quit.
- Then, I will move!
Married people move for each other!
Th-That's what we'll do, okay?
- Where are you going?
- I-I will explain later.
Just go to my apartment, lock the door,
and don't answer it for anyone!
And I love you.
[OLIVER SIGHS]
[RUDY THURBER]
Okay, left one in front, not the right.
- [VINCE FISH] Oh. That's more difficult.
- There you go. Yeah.
[LOUD BANGING AT DOOR]
Oh, great timing! I'm just doing this
new thing called exercise.
- You wanna join?
- He hired me to be his trainer.
- [OLIVER] Uh-huh.
- We need to use your window!
Mabel's trapped next door with the killer.
- [VINCE] Oh God!
- It's the movie writer, incidentally.
I told you it wasn't us.
We're just a bunch of cute weirdos
who torched a body.
You want us to call the police?
- [OLIVER] No, no, no.
- No! He'll kill her if we do.
I will not be joining
because I'm not insane,
but I will be contributing to today's caper
by creating a front door distraction.
Front door distraction.
Now, is that a type of ding-dong?
It is, Rudy! Very good.
- Ding-dong.
- [OLIVER] Charles! Wait, wait, wait.
If you fall, angle your body away
from my wedding. Everything's a rental.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [WIND BLOWING]
[BOTH GROAN]
[OLIVER GROWLS]
- Oh Okay.
- Okay. [NERVOUS LAUGH] Alright.
- Yeah. I got it.
- [OLIVER WHIMPERS]
[LAUGHS] I got it [GASPS]
- Watch it! Watch it! Oh
- [CHARLES GRUNTING]
[YELLING]
- Ah!
- Oh, Sazz.
Sazz, I need you.
[GASPS]
Okay, ghost of Sazz.
Anytime you wanna tap in.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Anytime
[GASPS] Oh, I can't do it, Sazz.
Oh, I can't do it by myself.
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[PANTING] That's why I'm here.
Now, be honest.
Are you on this ledge
'cause I'm moving to New Zealand?
I think you know I'm trying to save Mabel,
so g-go back.
No, no, Charles, you're my ride or die.
- [TRAFFIC NOISE BELOW]
- And my strong preference is to ride.
So, scoot! Scoot.
- [CHARLES GRUNTING]
- [CARS HONKING BELOW]
I can't move my feet.
Yes, because you're looking down
at certain death!
- [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
- We gotta do this facing the wall.
Are you suggesting we pivot?
- We are in the sky!
- Charles!
That is Mabel through that window.
Now, you lost Sazz.
We can't lose her, too.
So, here we go, okay?
Now, spin on three. One.
Two. Three.
- Spin!
- [BOTH SCREAM]
[OLIVER WAILS]
Oh! Okay. Okay, yeah.
Excellent! The rest of the way,
we merengue. [SNORTS]
See, to me, this doesn't read
as a dance moment.
Yes, but I realized it is my wedding dance.
So, uh, just watch and learn.
- [WIND BLOWING]
- Step, drag.
- Step, drag. Step, drag.
- Step, drag. Step, drag.
[GROANS] And I thought
I didn't have rhythm. Ah!
Step, drag. Step, drag.
- [STAMMERING] Go. Go. Go.
- [MUFFLED YELLING]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Come up with some fuckin' idea, like
[OLIVER GASPS]
- Wait.
- What?
If you're here, who's doing the ding-dong?
[RUDY] Hello!
It's friendly neighbors Rudy and Vince.
[VINCE] We wanna borrow some sugar!
Uh, you know, like friendly neighbors do.
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Uh, M-Mabel's not
Mabel's not here right now!
M-Maybe y'all wanna come back later?
We're making sugar chicken!
A-And it's We've never done it before,
and we're trying to figure out
anything that might work!
[RUDY] Do you have any corn on the cob?
O-Or off the cob?
How about What are those little pickles?
What are they, they gherkins?
- Or corbishons?
- [WINDOW TAPPING]
[RUDY] Cornichons.
- [VINCE] Cornichons? Cornichons!
- [MARSHALL P. POPE] Uh
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
Lads, we're kinda busy right now!
[VINCE] Uh, well, it's whatever you have
is really what we're looking for!
[SIGHS] [WHISPERING] Thank God you're here.
- [RUDY] Yeah, like half a banana
- [WHISPERING] Charles!
We are not going inside.
Merengue back out here right now!
[MARSHALL] Frankly, there's no food
in here and I don't understand
- No. He killed Sazz.
- [MARSHALL] what you're cooking!
Oh, that's alright! We'll just look!
Yeah, w-we'll just come on in,
and we'll look around.
- We'll see what's there.
- Please just leave us alone!
- [KNOCKING]
- [RUDY] We're gonna go get a crowbar!
[VINCE] We're going to my apartment!
We're gonna get a crowbar!
We're coming in no matter what, okay?
We're coming in!
- Drop the gun!
- What?
- [COCKS GUN]
- W-Wh-What is that?
It's Eva Longoria's 19-in-one Multitool.
At least four of the settings
could kill you!
- [NAILS SHOOT]
- [MABEL AND OLIVER SCREAM]
- [MARSHALL GRUNTS]
- [OLIVER GASPS]
Okay, sit down!
- [MARSHALL GASPS]
- You fake-bearded bastard! Sit down!
I need to know why. Why kill Sazz?
Because she blackballed you as a stuntman?
Sazz wrote the Only Murders movie.
- Sazz, a writer?
- You stole the script from her?
Look, I tried to become a writer.
I did what you're supposed to do.
Took my childhood trauma
and tried to monetize it
by turning it into a screenplay.
And I had good trauma.
Picture this.
A dad who's a hunter
forces his son to be a hunter, too.
And the kid is a perfect marksman.
But all he wants to do is write.
And when he leaves for Hollywood,
the dad gives him six months. Says
[IN GRUFF VOICE]
"You're a killer, not a writer."
[NORMAL] I mean, come on,
y-you'd watch that, right?
- Well, depends on the casting.
- Would I have to go to the theater?
I still haven't found time
- to watch The Wire.
- No.
I wanted to prove him wrong,
but nobody would touch my script!
Which is not my fault! Hollywood is broken!
See, now here, I see his point.
Why else would I not have an EGOT?
- [CHAIR DRAGS]
- Freeze!
I-I was about to call it quits
when I met Sazz.
She was the first person to be kind to me.
Sazz was kind to everyone.
After the Ron Howard incident
and by the way, he overreacted
uh, Sazz said
my stunting career was over, but
now I could get back to my writing.
Sh-She even offered to read
the latest draft of my screenplay.
[SAZZ] Sure!
I think I nailed it this time.
- Oh, Rex. Man!
- [CHUCKLES]
You inspire me,
the way your words make me feel things.
So much so that I gave it a whirl.
You wrote something?
You're the only one who knows.
And my only copy. [SIGHS]
And in the spirit of two writers
being vulnerable
[MARSHALL SIGHS]
Would you give it a read?
[SAZZ LAUGHS]
I didn't have high hopes.
What did Sazz know about being a writer?
But then, I started into it.
And it was good.
Really fucking good.
Certainly better than
anything I'd ever written.
Oh, you're done. [NERVOUS LAUGH]
[SIGHS]
So?
[MARSHALL] That was the moment
where I could have been a friend,
or I could have gone
in a completely different direction.
It's
not very good.
But everybody's gotta start somewhere,
you know?
How could Sazz write something
so great on her first try?
I-It wasn't fair!
I could make a copy and have a closer read
and see if I can come up with some fixes.
Yes, please. That would be great.
I-It's just the
It's all of it.
How much of this are you married to?
So, I came up with a new name,
which was actually the hardest part.
Eventually, I landed on Marshall P. Pope,
wh-which is awesome.
- Is it, though?
- Sounds like a judge.
After that, all I had to do was get
the script into the right hands.
I sent it all around town.
I knew someone would bite,
but I was just trying to get an agent.
Never in a million years did
I think it would get greenlit.
A-And then fast-tracked?
But Sazz found out.
She got shown the script
by some stunt friends who were
looking for work on the movie.
I should have known something was up
when she invited me over for a drink.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
[TENSE, SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOOR SHUTS]
Nice beard, Rex.
Thanks.
Have a seat.
- [MARSHALL CLEARS THROAT]
- [DISTANT DOG BARKING]
[SAZZ SIGHS]
Or should I call you Marshall?
The list of suspects wasn't long,
but you were the only person
I let see the script.
Sazz, this just got outta hand so quickly.
I wanted to tell you, but
No, you didn't!
You told me the script was bad,
and then you stole it from me!
You know me, I can take a hit.
Nearly lost a leg during Police Academy 7.
But this?
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
This hurts way more.
Okay. I-I'm gonna call Bev Melon,
and we can
Bev what?
Are you making up new fake names now?!
That's her real name!
Bev Melon f-from Paramount.
She bought our script!
This is not ours!
[SAZZ GROANS, SIGHS]
This is mine!
I hadn't even told Charles yet!
I wanted to ask his permission
before I tried to sell it!
Do you see the mess you've made here?
I-I do, but
this movie is, is my dream.
I had a dream, too!
I had the dream to sell my script
and-and-and build a trampoline park
in New Jersey!
- A what?
- Never the fuck you mind.
Sazz, if you say something about this,
I'll never live it down with my dad.
W-With anyone!
I don't know what I'll do
if this gets out.
Rex,
I don't trust you anymore.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna fly to New York
to see Charles make his Broadway debut.
And after, I'm gonna see him.
And I'm sorry,
but I gotta tell him.
Can you please not do that?
Out! Go!
- [SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [BANGING SCRIPT]
I'm really sorry, Sazz.
[SAZZ] Yeah, me, too.
[MARSHALL] What was I supposed to do?
Let her ruin everything I'd worked for?
And then, I remembered
the Dudenoff apartment,
and I booked a red-eye.
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[WINDOW BLINDS RATTLE]
Sazz had included this whole
subplot in her first draft.
Extraneous, if you ask me,
it's the first thing I cut,
but I knew there was an empty apartment
and what the code was to get in.
[GUN SNAPPING TOGETHER]
[COCKS GUN]
[OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]
[GUN SOUNDS ECHOING]
[MUSIC SWELLS]
[PANTING]
[WHIMPERING]
I couldn't do it.
It's okay. It's okay.
You're not a killer. [PANTING]
You're not a killer.
You're a writer. [GASPS]
You're not a killer. You're a writer.
You're not a killer.
You're a writer. [SOBS]
You're a writer. You're a writer.
[GASPS] You're a writer. You're a writer.
[PERCUSSIVE PIANO NOTES PLAY]
No, I'm fucking not. [GASPS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
But
maybe
maybe to be a writer,
I had to become a killer.
[GUNSHOT, GLASS SHATTERS]
[UNLOADS, CASING CLATTERS]
[CLATTERING ECHOES]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[FOOTSTEPS STOMP]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Only she didn't die.
I had to think quick.
One reason I made a good stuntman?
No fear of heights.
[ZIPS BAG]
[BLINDS RATTLE]
[WINDOW SHUTS]
[WIND BLOWING]
[SAZZ CHOKING]
- [WIND WHISTLING]
- [SAZZ GASPING]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[WINDOW OPENS]
[LABORED BREATHING]
I'm sorry it had to end this way. I just
I need this.
[SAZZ STRAINING, RAGGEDLY BREATHING]
Where's the script?
The one with your name on it?
[STRAINING] He's gonna get you.
Who? Who will?
My
number
one.
[CHARLES] So, you watched her die,
and you threw her down the trash chute
like she was garbage.
Think of it as her final stunt.
- [GASPS]
- [MULTITOOL BUZZES]
It's on the vibrator setting!
[OLIVER] Dammit, Eva Longoria!
- [MABEL MORA] Charles, fix it!
- [OLIVER GROWLS]
- [MARSHALL GASPS]
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MARSHALL GRUNTS]
- [OLIVER YELPS]
[MABEL] Oliver!
[MARSHALL YELLS, GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
Okay, next time, let's not have our killer
be a professional stuntman.
There is no next time!
Maybe my dad was right.
This is my talent.
- [OLIVER AND MABEL WHIMPER]
- [MARSHALL] So,
welcome to the end of your movie.
- [ALL THREE WHIMPERING]
- [MUSIC SWELLS]
- [GUNSHOT]
- [MARSHALL GASPS]
[OLIVER AND MABEL SHRIEK]
- [BODY THUDS]
- [GUN CLATTERS]
[BLOOD SEEPING]
- God.
- What? What?
[MABEL GASPS]
No fucking way.
[POLICE CHATTER]
How did you get into my apartment?
I never left.
You've been hiding in my closet
for three weeks?
And the secret passageways.
I was just waiting for you
to figure out the case,
so I could exact my revenge.
We did it together, Charles. For Sazz.
I'm good at seeing through
tiny slits and window blinds,
but I would much rather have taken
Marshall out up close, you know?
Stabbed him through the eye
with a buck knife
and really mixed it around.
I truly don't know how you
make words like that arousing.
Oh, Charles.
Oh, by the way,
I ate a bunch of your Pirate Booty
when I was in hiding.
I'll Venmo you eight bucks.
Call it even for serial killing
our serial killer.
[OFFICER] I've got her, let's go.
- Goodbye, Jan.
- It's not goodbye, Charles.
It never is with us. We're endgame.
[OLIVER] Bye.
Well, it's hard to deny
you make a cute couple.
Oh God!
Seems like an awkward time to celebrate.
- Although, I have an out-of-the-box idea.
- [CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Isn't it insulting to flirt now?
Oh, who the hell knows?
Suddenly, it's rude to tell a secretary
- she looks pretty in a pair of slacks.
- [EUGENE LEVY] Hm.
Nope. No to that whole sentence.
Compliment her purse.
If it isn't on their body,
you can like it. [SNORTS]
[EVA LONGORIA] No, again, to every word
that's coming out of your mouth.
[SIGHS] I'm glad you're doing this.
- Being alone in life is making you weird.
- [EUGENE] Thank you?
- [TRINA BROTHERS] And cut!
- Okay, okay.
- [SIGHS] Are you gonna snort like that?
- Well, he does.
- Yeah.
- [TRINA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Poor bastards, think they just have
to solve Tim Kono's murder.
Little do they know the bodies
just keep on droppin'.
Oh, there you go again,
saying Loretta's gonna get murdered.
- I didn't say
- E-Every time I have a big moment,
an opening night,
someone dies just to spite me.
- Loretta is fine.
- Hey, guys!
Are we amazing or what? [LAUGHS]
- [CHARLES] It's good!
- [MABEL] Doing a good job.
My level of cringe is mercifully low.
[SOFT LAUGH]
Heard you caught the killer.
Couldn't have done it without us.
Although I'm not entirely sure what we did,
but, uh, can't say it didn't help.
I knew that guy Marshall
was a shitty writer.
He was trying to get my character to say
"not" after each sentence.
I loved it. Not.
[LAUGHTER]
Mabel! I have great news.
So, I set our pitch meeting for next week.
So, I hope you've been
fleshing out your ideas
- about the buttons.
- [MABEL] You know what?
I'd rather tell the story of a stunt woman
who dedicated her whole life
to protecting her friend.
Who wrote a love letter to him
in the form of a movie.
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [BEV MELON] Right, but the thing is,
our algorithm really likes buttons.
I don't think I belong in this industry.
- [MUSICAL RINGTONE]
- Wait one second. Hello?
[MOUTHING] One second.
Yeah.
[TAWNY BROTHERS]
We need to keep shooting, people.
[EUGENE] Excuse me.
[SET PRODUCTION CHATTER]
You know, I appreciate this movie
in a whole different way now.
- I mean, Sazz wrote this.
- Aww, Charles.
[SOFT MUSIC CONTINUES]
Hey.
Sorry you're missing all this.
Yeah.
Would've been nice.
I think this is your chair.
[SIGHS] Well, thank you, my friend.
[INHALES, EXHALES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Actually, I miss that guy.
You did good.
I know this is just me
telling myself I did good, but
I'll take the compliment.
It's been a long day.
Let him talk to himself.
[CHARLES LAUGHS]
["CHAPEL OF LOVE"
BY THE DIXIE CUPS PLAYING]
Going to the chapel and we're ♪
Gonna get married ♪
- Going to the chapel and we're ♪
- [WINNIE SOFTLY WHINING]
Gonna get married ♪
Gee, I really love you ♪
And we're gonna get married ♪
Going to the chapel of love ♪
[OLIVER GIGGLES]
Spring is here ♪
The sky is blue ♪
Whoa-ho-ho ♪
Birds all sing as if ♪
Okay, where is she?
- She's coming.
- Yeah, any second.
No, no, s-something has happened.
- Oliver.
- Oliver. Just
We'll say, I do and ♪
- [UMA SCREAMS]
- [SONG STOPS ABRUPTLY]
Sorry. I thought I saw a roach.
[GUESTS MURMURING]
[DISTANT CHURCH BELL TOLLING]
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[MABEL SOFTLY CHUCKLES]
[WILL SIGHS]
[SOFTLY] Sorry, we lost track of time.
- We had a lot of catching up to do.
- [LAUGHING] Yeah.
[GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SOFTLY] Love you.
[SOFT LAUGHTER]
[MUFFLED VOWING]
For the rest of your life, I promise
Be my man, be my husband,
be my friend, be my lover.
- [EXCITED LAUGHTER]
- [APPLAUSE]
[SOFT LAUGHING]
- [MERENGUE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [EXCITED CHATTER, LAUGHTER]
- [GLASSES CLINK]
- [CHARLES CHUCKLES]
- [MERENGUE MUSIC FADES OUT]
- [OLIVER] Well, well, well, well,
- we put on a good show, Mrs. Putnam.
- [LORETTA DURKIN] Aww.
Yeah. Mrs. Durkin-Putnam.
- Ah.
- You forgot my hyphen.
- Forgot it?
- Mm-hmm.
It's all I think about.
[BOTH LAUGH]
You are the most extraordinary man
I have ever known.
- Ah thank you.
- You are.
You brought down a murderer,
and you can merengue.
- I mean
- Mm. What a combo.
["WHEN I FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU"
BY NAT KING COLE PLAYING]
- Here it is!
- [LAUGHS] No!
[LORETTA] I can't.
I just
I can't imagine,
taking you away from all this.
What are you talking about? I-I
I can't wait to be in New Zealand.
You know, with all the
[SNIFFS, SIGHS] sheep.
Anyway
I'll be with you.
Mm-hmm.
But, you won't be with them.
- It will be completely ♪
- Mwah!
- [GIGGLES] Okay.
- [CHARLES LAUGHS]
[GASPS] Aw.
Or I'll never give my heart ♪
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ollie, we got our happy ending, didn't we?
- Yeah, we did.
- And nothing in our relationship
has ever been even vaguely conventional.
So, why should we start now?
You feel that way too ♪
[OLIVER] Let's talk about it tonight.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[SONG FADES OUT]
Did Oliver and Loretta go up already?
Yeah. She leaves first thing,
so I think they're
taking care of their honeymoon business
while they can.
Let's just pretend they're upstairs
playing show tunes on the piano.
Well, my date and I had a grand old time.
You brought the ashes?
Yeah, Sazz loved weddings,
but I'm gonna say goodbye to these.
Sprinkle 'em on the land that Sazz wanted
for her trampoline park.
I think that's where she'd like to end up.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Mr. Savage? Ms. Mora.
I-I hope it's okay.
I was upstairs looking for you.
There was no doorman on duty.
I took a shot.
- I'm sorry, do we know you?
- No.
I'll send it back down for you.
If I feel like it.
- [CHARLES SIGHS]
- [ELEVATOR CLOSES]
I wanna hire you to find my husband.
It's urgent.
Oh, w-we're not a detective firm.
- [CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- My husband is Nicky Caccimelio.
O-Or was, if you believe the news.
I pay very well.
We only investigate
murders in the building.
It's right there in our name.
What happened to Nicky has everything
to do with this building.
I'm sorry, but good luck.
I'm disappointed.
I-I thought maybe you could do
what the police have been unable to
and what I can't safely do by myself.
Sofia Caccimelio.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Call if you change your mind.
That's quite a dame.
In the same way that Judi Dench is a dame.
Good save.
[AMBIENT STREET NOISE]
[LORETTA] You are gonna come,
though, in a, in a few weeks?
[IN KIWI ACCENT]
You're not gonna leave me high and dry
in New Zealand, are ya?
[OLIVER] You can't Kiwi me away.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[OLIVER] Sorry.
Where have you been?
[SIGHS]
[SNORTS]
[CHUCKLES]
[LORETTA LAUGHS]
[SIGHS]
- [CAR ENGINE STARTS]
- I love you.
And as the last frames flicker
on our season at the movies,
between newlyweds and a captured killer,
we somehow managed to find
our way to a happy ending.
And got through a whole wedding day
all without a body.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- We must be doing something right.
[MABEL CHUCKLES]
- [OLIVER] Mm.
- Beautiful day.
Feel that breeze, huh?
- It's nice to take a moment and enjoy.
- Yeah.
Wait.
Oh, my God!
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [OLIVER GASPS]
Lester?
- Lester!
- Call 911!
- [EERIE VOCALIZING]
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Lester!
[LINE RINGING]
- [OLIVER WHIMPERS]
- [MABEL] No! No, no, no, no!
- [CHARLES] Oh, my God, no! Lester!
- [MABEL WHIMPERS]
[LINE CONTINUES RINGING]
[OPERATOR] [ON PHONE]
Thank you for calling 911.
There are 72 emergencies ahead of you.
[VOCALIZING BUILDING]
["HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD"
BY ANITA O'DAY PLAYING]
Hooray for Hollywood ♪
That screwy booey hooey Hollywood ♪
Where any office boy or young mechanic ♪
Can be a panic ♪
With just a good-looking pan ♪
And any barmaid can be a star made ♪
If she dances with or without a fan ♪
Hooray for Hollywood ♪
Where you're terrific,
if you're even good ♪
Where anyone at all from Sophie Loren ♪
To Mamie Van Doren
is equally understood ♪
Go out and try your luck,
you may be Donald Duck ♪
Hooray for Hollywood ♪
[SCATTING]
[SONG ENDS]