Rick and Morty (2013) s04e10 Episode Script

1
Get us out of here. I'll hold them off.
My name is Beth Smith.
Tell your top bugs
the Defiance lives on.
I will. I will.
I'll make you a legend. Blade Smith.
- Beth Smith.
- Beth. Beth. Beth Smith.
Okay, God, it's just such a plain
I'm trying to come up
with a mnemonic device.
You could connect it to not dying.
I know, I know! You think
that would sear it right in,
but it just speaks to
the sheer forgettability.
Oh, God. I-I-I'm, uh, so
sorry. Uh, uh, oh, God.
Starts with a "B"
Congratulations to your government,
business, or terror
cell on its acquisition
of the NX-5 Planet Remover by Xamaxax
in partnership with Wrangler jeans.
The NX-5's industry-leading
tachyon beams
eliminate planets twice
as fast as the NX-4S
with half the battery and zero
built-in fatal design flaws.
That's right. No more secret hole
that blows the whole thing
up when you shoot it.
Your enemies will say it's unfair.
- We say it's about time.
- Damn it.
We risked our lives for that?
You did your best.
Maybe you need a break.
- Don't you ever miss Earth?
- I don't have to miss it.
I'm technically still there.
My dad made a perfect clone
of me to take my place.
Boy, that Rick. So, if you do go back,
what happens to the clone?
Does it have, like,
a proximity-triggered device
- in its neck?
- Who cares? Are we done?
Sure. Unless you want me to remove
the proximity-triggered
device from your neck.
Think it's a bomb?
Man, what if this is how you found out
he never wanted you back,
that he loved the clone more than you?
How crazy would that be?
Crazy and of of course soul-crushing.
For you. I actually have
something for that.
Y-You want some? They're nonaddictive.
That's not true.
They're totally addictive.
I'm a terrible doctor.
I actually have something for that, too.
You want some? Nonaddictive. Mmm.
I'm a great doctor.
Dr. Wong had a cancellation today.
Anybody up for a family session?
- I could do that.
- I'm I'm down to clown.
Ooh, not sure my therapy
puppet will be done in time.
Great, because she
specifically asked you
to stop bringing puppets. Dad?
I love therapy, family
therapy most of all,
- but I am actually disintegrating.
- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!
- Dad!
Is that really it? We did it?
It's the invisibility belt.
Whoa-whoa-whoa! He grazed them.
That's gonna hurt in like 10
seconds. Thanks, Morty.
Why should I let you use it?
- You never let me use it.
- Can I have the belt?
It would really piss off Morty.
- Fantastic idea.
- What the hell?!
You jerk! Give it!
Hey! Ow!
Share the invisibility. Jerry?
Ooh, this looks like
a job for Mr. Nibbles.
Let me just glue one more eye on.
I'm gonna kill you!
Woof. Looks like you two have to fight
about why you can't control your kids.
Good thing Dr. Wong's got an opening.
Bye.
- You're a bad father.
- Don't let him divide us.
Garage, family therapy mode.
Ah.
- Honey, you're back.
- You seem surprised.
- You never wrote.
- And never exploded?
What I'm hearing is that
you think that's a bomb.
So does every engineer that's seen it.
Engineer? Princess,
I'm sure every caveman
that sees a microwave
calls it a rock cabinet.
The point of inventing is to
make things that don't exist.
Then whip me up a
reason not to kill you.
Dad? We're off to Dr. Wong's.
Scan her.
Dad?
Okay, have fun, pumpkin.
Sorry I'm a piece-of-[BLEEP] father.
Oh, ha-ha! Well, the
self-loathing buys a lot back.
Jerry, leave the puppet.
It's a one-way ticket to
a breakthrough, Beth.
The device in her neck
would have transferred
a database of her
memories to your device
before vaporizing her.
So much for that plan.
Why is she it
why am I back with Jerry?
I thought she was a copy of me.
She is a copy of you.
If she ran back to that
dingleberry, that's on you.
Want to grab a drink?
- All the time.
- Good girl.
Ooh.
- To catch a predator.
- What the hell?!
Thermal goggles, bitch.
Mom said share.
You can't share invisibility.
Take those off.
No.
So I'll just see you at
cheerleader practice?
Should I bring a poncho?
All right!
- State your terms.
- Give back the belt.
You take the goggles. Go away.
We trade in an hour.
Deal.
How do you like that, bitch?
I liked it more than my old belt.
"Tiny Big Man Junior"?
You shoulda shared.
What are you doing in my house?
Did I wander that far from my console?
They should put a warning
on these things.
So, we overrode the gates,
and the slave rebellion
took the capital.
- Pretty cool.
- Very cool.
My daughter, having space adventures.
They are skewing a tad
"Star Wars"-y, though.
Don't forget to have fun.
Well, I came back to murder
you, not get your notes,
but I'll remember to fart more
while I'm saving the galaxy.
Okay, I'm the one that
made this possible.
It's not a competition.
Of course not. Just curious,
though, if it were,
would "most wanted" be first place?
You're fighting the Gromflomites?
Dad, they're trying to
take over the galaxy!
Everybody in the galaxy
tries to take over the galaxy.
The trick is to be left alone
by whoever succeeds.
Eh, it's your hero phase.
I had one, too. You'll outgrow it.
No, you did. I'm not gonna
outgrow giving a [BLEEP].
Sources tell us these aliens,
who call themselves the
Neeeew Galactic Federation,
will blow up the planet
unless some woman
with a very boring
name gives herself up.
- Oh, come on.
- Way to give a [BLEEP].
Next time, don't wipe
it on your home planet.
Oh, [BLEEP]. They're
gonna track down Beth.
You mean Beth's clone.
Right. Beth's clone.
What What did I say?
It really was nice seeing you again.
- Whoo! Yeah!
- Go, Honey Bees!
Good practice, girls.
And remember, we are in a drought,
so be sure to shower as one big group
at the exact same time.
Shower fire! The shower's on fire!
Step aside, girls! I got this!
You're a monster!
Still wanna share?
Morty Smith, hands up.
You are under arrest
for crimes against the New
Improved Galactic Federation.
Wait. What? How are you doing that?
You're not a psychic, are you?
Do you have psychic powers?
- Uh, yes.
- Are they strong powers?
We're just looking for your mother.
You can't, like, stop
our hearts, can you?
- Uh, I can.
- Okay, we surrender.
Jerry, do you agree
that the use of puppets
makes you seem dumb and crazy?
I don't think "crazy" is a
responsible word to use in
It is now. This is crazy.
You're being crazy.
They do it in therapy on TV.
Well, TV gives British people
prizes for baking, Jerry.
- Tonya?
- Tammy? Tammya? Tammya.
Hi, Mrs. Smith.
I like your hair better this way.
- How's the stomach?
- What?
Hey! I only said "hey."
It's not like I can do more than that.
As much as I'd like to kill you,
my superiors have some
questions about the Defiance.
I don't have a I have a Defiance?
Oh, God, I'm a clone.
That's your defense?
No, my defense is eat me.
Hey! Ah! We've been over this.
All I do is say "hey."
Smart guns, white-list human life.
And the therapist.
Tammy, this is the office
where my family works to better itself.
What, and that makes it sacred?
No, it makes it a place
I've rigged with a lot
of voice-activated escape contingencies.
These are all good points.
I need to take a long look at myself.
Aah! Aah!
I'd like to discuss that.
I don't discuss problems,
I incinerate them.
Everybody in the car.
Everybody in my family, not the world.
Jesus, Wong. Boundaries.
I'm better than this job.
Can't you just make a portal?
Your children are down
there invisible, Jerry.
"Make a portal"? Father
of the year back here.
Well, you're one to talk.
You told me I wasn't a clone.
Y-You're not a clone.
- And who is that?
- Uh, uh, a clone.
Why would you make a clone of me
just to send the clone into space?
Well, you didn't want
to go, and I thought,
"Okay, that's cool."
But then I thought, "Well,
you know what would be even cooler
is a space daughter," s-so I made one.
And I put a bomb in her neck
in case she ever came back.
- Father of the year.
- She wasn't supposed to come back.
- Why did she?
- Well, she found a bomb in her neck.
Wouldn't you?
- Father of the year.
- Shut up!
I'm tired of believing you.
- I want to talk to her.
- No, you don't.
- Jerry, do something.
- Hey.
He told me you're the clone.
What do you think he told me?
You're the clone?
Wow, naive and attractive.
Wow, jaded and hot.
I know this is bad parenting,
but if you stop fighting,
you both get McDonald's.
How about I just blow my brains
out, starting with hers?
Okay, Wendy's. We love Wendy's.
- I-I think they even gave us some money.
- Drop it.
- Don't move!
- Freeze! Get down!
- On the ground! On the ground!
- Don't move!
Everybody, shut up! You're
all saying different [BLEEP].
- Wait, so there are two of them?
- More importantly,
which one is mine?
Uh, neither, chauvinist.
Whatever. Take them both.
Cool beam. But let's bargain.
I'm the one you really want.
- Excuse me?
- Uh, smartest man in the universe?
Secret to interdimensional travel?
Ask your bosses.
My bosses are bugs, Rick.
You killed the old ones.
The new ones are half my age.
They know if you're left alone,
you're a non-threat.
- Oofa!
- We got the payload.
Fire up the NX-5.
Earth's going Ta-ta.
You might want to do that thing
where you find a new universe
where you can [BLEEP] yourself off.
You can't tell me what to do.
Awesome. He resisted. We can shoot him.
- Wha?
- Just go with it, Jerry.
Everybody, drop your guns
except for Jerry!
[BLEEP] classic.
- Holy [BLEEP]. Morty.
- And Summer.
W-We worked together.
That's that's our arc.
We went from siblings
to invisible to working together.
It's not "Citizen Kane," but why compete
with whatever's going on here, you know?
Unh!
Aah!
You made me go to a wedding.
And you killed my best friend.
I shoulda said that one first.
Congratulations, Earth,
on being destroyed by the NX-5,
brought to you by Wrangler.
Ugh, guess the galaxy's
most-wanted mammal
needs her daddy to come
change her diapie.
Come on, kids, we have to go do
a [BLEEP] piece of [BLEEP] "Star Wars."
Attention, Zeta 99-2.
We know you have a stolen
ship. Stand down.
Oh, am I not a non-threat now?
Hey, you are not cleared to land.
- We will open fire.
- Hold your ground, men.
You'll be heroes.
Summer, try unlocking that door
by scanning your high-school
friend's dead face.
Uh, I have I have to pee.
Pee on the floor. It's a Death Star.
Okay, but there's rebellion
- and then there's
- Here, Dad.
Perfect.
What am I doing wrong?
Ugh, her eyes are closed.
Morty, open the left one.
I've got the right.
She died the way she
lived, overserialized.
I'm gonna rescue your mom and her clone
without revealing which is which.
You two find the NX-5 and shut it down.
I mean, don't die trying.
There's infinite Earths.
If you can save this one, it's gravy.
Dream team rides again!
Oh, yeah, we're like Luke and Leia.
Uh, except no kissing part.
What's another famous
brother-sister team?
Uh, Hansel and Gretel?
Yeah, right, those two were [BLEEP].
Dad, we need the belt.
I can't go with you guys watching.
- You're invisible.
- What if the pee isn't?
You know what?
We don't need invisibility.
Working together is our belt.
- That's our arc. Let's do it.
- I'm gonna go ahead and whistle.
That's how good I feel.
Oh, God. I knew it.
Ugh, this floor isn't level.
Are they gonna torture us?
Unless you plan on telling
them what I know.
Last chance to guess who was the clone.
You're his daughter.
Just something about the eyes,
the shameless abandonment
of your family.
However can I live with myself?
One theory I was designed by
your father to live with myself,
which would mean you
made a conscious choice
to swallow your dreams with
cheap wine and dinosaur pasta.
You know that's the kind Jerry likes,
same way I know the only goddamn
dream you'll ever follow
is your shitty father's approval.
You fetch your shitty father's lemonade.
You cosplay as your
shitty father in his 30s.
Red alert. Red alert.
Rick Sanchez
More like dead alert.
What else? What else?
I wrote some stuff down in my Notes app.
Let me just find it.
Screw it. Beth, if if
one of you is still alive,
you're my real daughter.
If you're both alive,
don't hurt the other one.
She's just a clone. She's not worth it.
I'm coming, baby.
- That piece of [BLEEP].
- That piece of [BLEEP].
I came back kill him, you know.
I'd like to help.
- Kick me between my eyes.
- From here?
Oh, you dropped yoga so you could buy
Jerry more Flintstones Vitam
Oh, I do not like the looks
of this giant fight chamber.
- Bird Person?
- It is now Phoenix Person.
You're working for them?
What did they do to you, BP?
It is now PP. Where is Tammy?
Oh, don't worry about her. I killed her.
I loved her.
Really? Huh. Then can I suggest,
as an alternate name,
Crazy [BLEEP] Whipped Person?
Aah!
Unh!
Aah!
It's funny.
I always wondered who would
win if we ever fought.
Then you were always a bad friend.
Aah!
Morty, we had one grenade.
- He had a gun.
- Whatever. Come on.
- Did you hear something?
- Doesn't matter.
If anyone's around, they're
here to stop the laser,
and they can't do it
without us seeing them.
"Working together is our belt"?
You gave it away!
You said we didn't need it.
I wish you were never born.
You were an accident.
How come some of the pants are
The NX-5 can't destroy Wrangler jeans.
Like, it literally can't destroy them
or it's programmed not to?
Gee, what do you think?
You kill a good bug, for a horse doctor.
Thanks, me.
Maybe we could do, like, a "Parent
Trap" thing together sometime.
As long as you mean the
Lindsay Lohan version.
Naturally.
What do you think they
do with all those jeans?
- Make them into jackets?
- It's not about conserving denim.
It's marketing. Like, uh, "The
NX-5 destroys the whole planet
except for the Wrangler jeans."
Because they're so tough.
Tougher than the laser?
- Stupid.
- You're talking about it.
Mm, you're right. They they got me.
Hey, over here. Look at me.
Did you just see a pantsless
little boy run by?
I'm not falling for that again.
I used to be invisible,
but now I'm the opposite.
Get him. But not in a weird way.
You made it weird.
NX-5 corporate sponsor detected.
Cannot penetrate Wranglers.
Built too tough.
Built too tough.
I killed them! I-I did
I did it offscreen.
God damn it. Morty, fix your underwear.
I saw your balls for a second.
That's on you.
Why can't I meet your parents?
- Are you embarrassed of me?
- No, of them.
Aww.
Unh ahh!
Never thought this was how I'd die.
We're nowhere near Venice,
and you're not a dwarf in a raincoat.
Step back. You're not killing him
till we kick his ass, Bird Person.
My name is Phoenix Person.
No one's calling you that. Dumb.
It fascinates me that an entire family
can be this critical and suck this much.
Aah!
Aah!
Bird Person, stop.
It's me, that Tammy girl.
Tammy, this is unexpected.
I was told you were dead.
That is ab-so-lute-ly not true.
I'm more alive than I've ever been.
You are behaving rather strangely.
Me? Strange? Oh, my.
Well, who's normal, really?
Now, come here, you big
hollow-boned featherhead.
Let me give you some of this sweet ass.
Saved the day with puppeting.
Only one with a decent arc.
He does have his moments.
Mom, Dad!
Mom. Uh, we did it!
Morty became super visible!
Summer put my jeans in a laser!
Morty, look at your little balls!
- I know!
- Bring it in here, guys.
Damn, this thing has twin turbines?
I'll forgive you for abandoning
us if you let me drive it.
That works for me I was just
gonna give you space cigarettes.
I love having two moms.
And I love having two wives.
Never gonna happen, Jerry.
You jerk-offs ready to get the answers
to your burning questions?
What's this, Dad?
The memory of which Beth is real
and which Beth is a clone, obviously.
You mind-blew yourself? You
You literally don't even know
which of your daughters is real.
Of course you don't. Why am I surprised?
I'm sure you'd love for us
to need that from you,
but I don't care what's in that vial.
Yeah, me neither.
You're a piece of [BLEEP] either way.
So what? After all this,
you don't want to know the truth?
The truth is we have more
important [BLEEP] to do
like raise our kids and
stamp out the Federation,
neither of which seem like they
want anything to do with you.
Morty? Sum-Sum?
You gotta at least wanna
know who your real mom is.
Not really, Rick. We have
two badass moms now.
- It's That's kind of a win/win.
- Yeah, Grandpa Rick,
don't drag us into your bull[BLEEP]
just because you're losing control.
I know what I want to do.
- I want you to decide.
- What?
For once in my life,
I want you to decide, Dad.
Do you want me to stay here
and be part of your life,
or do you want me to leave?
Hup! Ho! Big money, big money.
Eyes on the lady.
Switcheroo. Which one's which?
Holy shit. I'm a terrible father.
At least I'm a pretty good friend.
Looks like it's just you and me, buddy.
Okay, all right, we'll give
you a little more time.
Ah, goodbye, old friend.
We've had our fun, but I'm
ready to be seen again.
What the [BLEEP]?!
- Oh, my God! Where did I go?
- Oh, shitskis.
Aah!
Slow down! There's an
invisible garbage truck
- in the road!
- Yeah, right.
I'm alive. I survi
I mean, when in Rome.
Invisible Garbage Truck Jerry ♪
It's a new franchise ♪
Bitch, your job is to have
intercourse with strangers
and give me the money.
Sorry I called you a bitch,
it's a vocational term.
It's not how I feel
about you personally.
What the what what aah!
Aah!
Somebody call for a pickup?
Let's go take out the trash.
Invisible Garbage Truck Jerry ♪
It's a new franchise ♪
Until he runs out of gas ♪
Well, we had a good run.