Son of a Critch (2022) s04e10 Episode Script

1
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The last bell!
The cry of freedom.
Nothing could stop
me from doing nothing.
Except Cara.
- Oh
- What?
Hey! Guys
As you know, I'm the chair
of Youth for Social Justice.
We're having a fundraising concert.
Ah. "Peace A Chord.
Concert for Peace."
You spelled "peace accord" wrong.
It's a play on words.
Hey, Ritche, you have a band, right?
Just a garage band.
We've never played in public before.
You should be taking
a stand with your art.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): All
the great artists had a cause.
[MAGICAL SITAR MUSIC]
REPORTERS: Mark, Mark!
REPORTER: Mark, what
message are you sending
with your bed-in for peace?
[LIVERPOOL ACCENT] Peace and love!
We need to come together.
It's hard work to change the world.
So I thought the best way
to do something that mattered
was to sit on my arse and do nothing.
- [PEOPLE LAUGHING]
- REPORTER: Breaking news.
I'm getting a report that Mark
has achieved world peace.
Fab! About time.
My arse had fallen asleep.
Need an emcee?
Not really.
I'll do it if he does it.
Fine, but no funny stuff.
This is serious.
It's up to our generation
to save the planet.
I'll help.
Really?
Yeah. Whatever.
My mom's boyfriend's at my house.
That guy's a dick.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
If we could change Fox,
then maybe we could change the world.
MIKE SR: Breaking news!
Fisheries Products International
has announced they're closing
their fish plant in Gaultois
[TUNING RADIO]
MIKE SR: [RADIO] The
fish plant is the sole source
of employment for the community
Ah, fit! Why is it always on "cremate"?
MIKE SR: [RADIO]
Hundreds are out of work,
with more job losses
expected in the coming weeks.
Mmm, lovely!
Piping hot!
MIKE SR: [RADIO] many are calling on
the government to avert a crisis.
The arse is out of 'er.
MARY: Huh?
Beginning of the end for the fishery.
Well, haven't you been listening?
I can't focus in this damn heat!
Well, I don't find it hot.
Oh, you won't open
that. It's painted shut.
Augh! Jumpin' Jesus!
If it was any hotter in
here, I'd be cooking with
a packin' pitchfork! [GASPS]
Ohh
Uh
I think I'll take this in
the other room, hm?
[MARY SIGHS]
POP: Oh, ah, well
What's all this?
Yeah, uh, ozone layer,
Persian Gulf, oil spills
I'm emceeing a concert to
fight all this depressing stuff.
It's gonna be hard
to get laughs, though.
Well, you know, if you want
to talk about depressing,
you should be talking about the fishery.
You know, we're running out of cod.
Nobody cares about fish, Pop!
People care about big world issues.
I thought I'd open with a
George Bush impression.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GEORGE HW BUSH VOICE]
Don't think of it as a hole
in the ozone layer.
Think of it as
a sunroof!
Hmm, hmm.
Ah, you know, just because
something's happened here
doesn't mean to say it's not important.
Alright, there's nothing we
can do about the Persian Gulf,
but maybe, just maybe,
we can do a little something
about Bonavista Bay.
Yeah, um maybe I
could do a set about it.
Maybe a song. You know,
"Cod Save the Queen"?
Oh! What about "The Codfather"?
[DON CORLEONE VOICE] I'm gonna
make you an offer you can't refuse.
Leave the gun. Take the calamari.
Hmm
I'll take this in my room.
Yeah.
RITCHE: One, two, three, four!
[PLAYING GRUNGE ROCK]
Hoy!
Turn it down!
Ritche!
Ang batang ito
[UNPLUGS AMP, MUSIC STOPS]
Dad!
We're practicing for the
Peace A Chord concert!
Concert?
You're going to make
that noise in public?
It's not noise.
It's music.
You you had such a nice voice
when you sang in choir.
You know what's a nice song?
Bahay Kubo! Bahay ♪
Dad!
Nobody wants to hear that here.
They want Canadian music.
What's wrong with Filipino music?
Be proud!
Naku, and why do you
sing with your head down
and your hairs in your face?
Stand confident!
Shoulders back, head up, and you smile!
Well, if you hate it so much
[PLUGS IN AMP, AMP BUZZING]
Don't come.
One, two, three, four!
- [PLAYING MUSIC]
- Ritche, I'm just trying to
Ritche!
♪
[QUIETLY] Stop the holes
in the ozone layer
Stop the holes Uh, what can I
[SNIFFS]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The
old man could always tell
if the thermostat dial had been moved.
Well, that's not right. Mark!
What'd I tell you about playing
around with the thermostat?!
I didn't touch it!
It's enough to freeze ya!
What ?
[MARY SIGHS]
[SIGHS ANGRILY]
Ah, I wouldn't get
involved, if I were you.
Focus on something a
little less volatile, like
nuclear war.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
SUZANNE: Ah, this is nice. Mmm.
Smells so good! [GIGGLES]
This fish is naked!
Where's the batter?
I want macaroni and cheese!
[WHINING VOICE] Me too!
Paul cooked us this
nice dinner because
we want to share
some big news. [GIGGLES]
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
I'll get it.
Lost my appetite.
It's okay. She'll come 'round.
- Dad?
- What's this I hear about
your mudder shacked up with some fella?
SUZANNE: Oh, God.
- That him?!
- No, wait, Dad
Ah, she let me in!
That means it's legal to enter!
Greg, you can't be here!
Look, I'm their father!
I'm allowed to see them.
- [SUZANNE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
- Go upstairs, kids.
Yes, now, Rambo!
Frig off.
PAUL: You know what?
It's as good a time as any.
Uh, no, no, Paul, not now.
Good time for what?
PAUL: To tell you
We're gettin' married.
Oh, frig right off!
- Congrats, Mom.
- Thank you!
As the man of the house, I forbids it!
GREG: You can't be marching strange men
in and out of their lives like this!
I have dated one man
in the past three years!
She is not your wife anymore!
Actually, um
we're not technically divorced yet.
PAUL: What?
Because this one won't
sign the friggin' papers!
I'm their father! I got rights.
Well, if you wants the kids so bad,
why don't you take 'em for the weekend?
The whole weekend?
- Yeah!
- Jesus, woman!
See what my life is like! Take
'em for the whole weekend!
- Okay, okay
- I don't even get this, Suzanne!
Look, he's prettier than you are!
And I know that you hates that!
What are you talking
about? Get the frig out!
[ALL YELLING]
I'm Sister Rose.
Ah [CLEARS THROAT]
[SISTER ROSE VOICE] I am Sister Rose!
Children, did you know that John
the Baptist was Jesus's cousin
but his head was once removed!
MARY: What the frig?
Mike! Get in here!
Ah
Why is the thermostat in prison?
So
It was you!
Sorry, Mark.
No worries. I-I would have
picked me, too.
Take that box off.
The house is the perfect temperature.
It's a million friggin' degrees!
Mark?
Is the house too hot, or is it too cool?
I'm Switzerland. Completely neutral.
Um, and also, like
Switzerland, maybe a
a titch cool?
- Hmm!
- [SIGHS INDIGNANTLY]
[BOX RATTLES]
You're not getting that off.
Is that so?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop was right.
Who needed the Persian Gulf
when you had World War
III right in your living room?
[UPBEAT ALTERNATIVE ROCK]
♪
♪
Whoa, that's scarier than
climate change. [LAUGHS]
Mr. Lewis let me into the costume bank.
I mean, I've got a hula skirt,
a top hat, a Mountie hat
What's all this?
It's my opener.
It's a riff on religion,
climate change, Hell.
Do not make a mockery of this, Critch.
You're on in two. Stand by.
ADULT MARK (V.O.): It was
the end of the world as we knew it,
and I felt fine.
Okay
Bunch 'a granolas, wha?
Paint me face like Spider Man.
Okay, but hold still.
I want some ice cream.
Hold still, I said!
I want some ice cream!
Would you get him some ice cream?
What do you think I am, made 'a money?
[SIGHS]
Here.
Ah.
Keep an eye on your brother, alright?
I want some ice cream!
I know, buddy.
MARK: [ON MIC] Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the first
annual Peace A Chord!
Before we start, a little blessing
from Holy Heart's one and only
Sister Rose!
[APPLAUSE]
[ORGAN MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
[SISTER ROSE VOICE]
Good day, you little heathens.
[LAUGHTER]
Today, you'll hear a lot about
the hole in the ozone layer.
Well, I think the hole just
makes it easier to hear God!
[LAUGHTER]
They say that the
planet hasn't got a prayer,
but don't worry
where you're going
is a hell of a lot hotter!
[LAUGHTER]
So, sit up straight, and pay attention,
or I'll smack your butt so hard
you'll never be able to sit again!
[LAUGHTER]
Laughter is a sin!
But applause is not.
[APPLAUSE]
So please put your hands
together for our first speaker.
She's from Iran!
Ooh la la!
[CLEARS THROAT] And she
moved here 'cause
her family were displaced
by the devastating
Manjil-Rudbar Earthquake.
[EXHALES]
[MIC FEEDBACK]
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
Give it up for, uh, Fatima!
Woo!
[APPLAUSE]
Uh that killed!
Did you see?
Did you even read the pamphlets?
Absolutely!
Styrofoam bad, world peace good.
Nelson Mandela,
who is a hell of a fella,
but it's all a little dry.
Yet all so very important.
Just stick to the facts.
Disasters aren't funny.
ADULT MARK (V.O.):Tough room.
Heck, tough planet!
[CASE RATTLING]
Come on
[CASE RATTLING]
Hey, give that up!
Since when are you
king of the thermostat?
Why are you acting like this?
[EXHALES]
It's just
I am not feeling myself.
Things are changing.
There there's a change, my love.
The change. You know what I mean?
The ozone layer?
[EXHALES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Augh!
- [LOUD CRASH]
[TURNS DIAL]
Augh!
[TOOL CLATTERS TO FLOOR]
What the hell is goin' on?!
- [MARY SCREAMS]
- [BEDROOM DOOR SLAMS]
I think it's time we had a talk, son.
- [BELL JINGLING]
- VENDOR: Get your ice cream!
Okay, when I gets him done,
I'll get you an ice cream, okay?
Wait
You're not my brother!
Who the hell are you?!
[SIGHS]
Hey, folks!
You know, I rode my
bike here, to try and help.
Then I went back home
and I rode it here again.
Does that count as re-cycling?
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, folks, did you know
that it takes 500 years
for Styrofoam to decompose?
[SIGHS]
Well, now that you're all warmed up,
give it up for Hardship Post!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Cara?
Look, I'm sorry, but
these are not fun facts.
They're depressing.
And these people are miserable!
I can't work like this!
[BAND PLAYING GRUNGE ROCK IN BACKGROUND]
Neither can I. I'll take it from here.
Maybe you should just
relax and enjoy the festival.
[BAND PLAYING CONTINUES]
You can't fire a volunteer!
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
Cara wanted me to help carry
the weight of the world.
But the world is so big
where do you even start lifting?
You're the kid who was onstage, right?
Yeah.
Was.
I just got fired.
I lost my job, too.
What did you do?
Worked the fish plant in Gaultois.
Yeah, whole town's out of work,
so now we're trying to get
people to sign our petition.
I'll sign it.
What am I signing, exactly?
Well, we want the
government to do something.
My family fished five, six generations.
Now my brother's
packing up to go to Alberta
with the rest of 'em.
It's not just the fish we're losing;
it's who we are.
Anyway, we're just trying to be heard.
It's tough to compete
with nukes, hey, b'y?
♪
♪
Everyone is gonna hear about this.
I promise.
CARA: How's this?
"Peace A Cord is
more than just an event,
it's a movement.
Set against the vibrant
backdrop of St. John's,
this festival offers a
unique blend of live music,
delicious food, and educational
experiences on global issues."
♪
Okay, yeah
FOX: Where are you?
Hey? No, no, no
Buddy, hey, hey!
No.
Okay, okay
Yeah, definitely not.
Oh, shoot.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]
Oh my God.
There you are, you sneak!
I want some ice cream!
I know, but we gotta find Dad first,
'cause I gave him the money, okay?
Come on.
MARK: [ON MIC] Attention, everybody!
Hi, it's me, your friendly
neighbourhood Codfish Man!
[APPLAUSE]
Okay, let's go find him, okay?
Look, I know the kids wanted Spider Man,
but we don't have any buildings
high enough to swing from.
You know, sure, that
other guy can save the day,
but I'm here to save The Bay.
And so are our friends from
the Coalition for Fisheries Survival.
Every single one of
you can be a superhero
if you just sign their petition!
'Cause they're not just
here to save the fish
they're here to save our
neighbours, our towns,
ourselves!
You know, they say
you are who you eat
so we're all fish!
[LAUGHTER]
So, save yourselves and
swing by the CFS booth!
And now, ladies and gentlemen
Potato Bug!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
RITCHE: One, two, three, four!
[BAND PLAYING GRUNGE ROCK]
Pass me another cup of water ♪
I want to drown ♪
I want to drown ♪
♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
♪
♪
♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
I'm shining through ♪
I'm shining through ♪
You! ♪
Whoa!
ADULT MARK (V.O.):
We may not have had peace,
but I was at peace.
For all of its troubles,
the world could still feel pretty great.
[SONG ENDS]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
Thank you very much!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
For you.
It's, um
For me.
So now you can keep
it as cold as you like.
And
strawberry.
You can either eat it or
just hold it against your head.
Hey
You could've told me.
Told you what?
That I can't sleep?
That the only thing that
fits me is my bathrobe, and
and I feel like crying one
minute and screaming the next.
It's like I'm a stranger
in my own skin, Mike.
I guess I've been distracted
by all the fisheries news,
but that's no excuse.
Are you okay?
It's hard to hear some of the stories.
Is everything gonna be okay?
Oh
- Come here.
- Oh
GREG: Oh !
You know what a snail
says on the back of a turtle?
"Whee!"
Dad!
Where'd you go?
I, uh, I just went to
grab a pack of smokes.
Okay, well, he wants an ice cream.
I got no money left.
We need to talk about
Mom, and the divorce.
I don't wanna talk about that.
Well, you have to!
Mom needs this.
We need this.
Please do what's best for us.
For once.
RITCHE: [IN BACKGROUND] Ah, thanks!
Rocked it outta the park.
Thanks, dude.
RITCHE: So, how was the
noise?
You looked so happy up there.
Made me want to follow my passion too.
Now, what would you
think if your dad quit his job
and opened the first Pinoy
restaurant in St John's?
What?
Mark
Good job, Codfish Man.
[CRYING]
My dad my mom and
[CRYING]
It's real now.
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
ADULT MARK (V.O.): The
world is full of challenges.
Some are right in front of us
[MARY CHUCKLES]
ADULT MARK (V.O.): while
others might seem distant.
It can be hard to make sense of it all,
and we may not have the
power to change everything
but we always have the power to listen.
And often, that's exactly
where change begins.
POP: Now, that is your
great-great-grandfather
on his boat.
And he fished out of St. Mary's Bay
♪
♪
♪