The Librarians (2014) s04e10 Episode Script

1 BAIRD: Jenkins! Where was the artifact found? La Brea Tar Pits.
A volunteer at the paleontology department uncovered it by accident.
From the description of it, sounds like the Osiris Stone, which has the power to reanimate.
Which explains all the saber-toothed tigers running through the streets of Los Angeles.
Jenkins, we need a door! I grabbed some spears from the weapons room.
I found some nets.
Gosh, I hope they're big enough for saber-toothed tigers.
Make that woolly mammoths.
Someone just Instagrammed one of them crashing into a tour bus.
- (SCREAMING ON PHONE) - We're gonna need bigger nets.
- Jenkins? - Coming! BAIRD: Jenkins, there you are.
We need a door to the La Brea Tar Pits, buddy, now.
Yeah, sure.
One door coming up.
Good luck, Librarians.
Hmm.
I don't think this is right.
Hello.
Anyone here? Jeff Peppers.
Oh, my Oh, my dear God.
- Jeff! - (GASPS) What are you doing, Brad Pitt, staring at yourself? No, madame, um, you You overslept again, Jeff.
You gotta feed the babies.
I'm not him.
He's not me.
And, after you're done, I've got a list of chores.
I need you to fix that dish.
It's acting screwy.
I thought we could watch a "Wheel Of Fortune" later.
Wait, madame, I beseech you to listen to me.
Something horrible has happened Well, something horrible is about to happen if you don't get up those stairs and feed the babies.
I will do no such thing Feed the babies! Feed the babies! - I will not feed your bab - Get up there.
You know what your responsibility is.
- Listen I know I can't - Get in there.
All right, don't forget to clean all the litter boxes and refill their bowls.
The eyedropper for poor little Tessie's pinkeye is on the counter.
Otto's got ringworm again, so don't forget to give him those suppositories.
(CATS MEOWING) What are you waiting for? I Uh Soap, soap, soap! WOMAN: You want some breakfast? No, I've gotta get to the library.
(CHUCKLING) Library? - But you hate reading, - Is that his car? Jeff, what about my "Wheel"? You promised you'd fix the dish.
Oh, God, what is that smell? Just come on! Damn it.
(HORN HONKING) Yo, dude! Jeff! Let's get a move on.
- Jeff! - MAN: Jeff! I am not Never mind, just pl go.
Go away, please.
Hop in.
We're gonna be late for work.
I'm not going to your work.
Ooh, playing hooky.
You gonna get in so much trouble.
MAN: Just call in sick.
It's what I do.
Who's gonna know? Well, technically, I'm the assistant manager, so I'm supposed to report it.
Dennis, please, I was talking.
- Where you need to go, Jeff? - Yeah, we'll drive you.
Yes, fine.
Take me to St.
John's Bridge.
- DENNIS: St.
John's.
- Why, thinking of jumping off? - (LAUGHING) - Not a bad idea right now.
WOMAN: Want a Ring Pop? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Stop! Stop! Let me out of here.
Okay, well, we still on for later? - No.
- Cool.
See you then.
- Bye, Jeff.
- DENNIS: Feel better.
He's not sick, Dennis! God! WOMAN: Pump it! You, sir, are one sexy stud muffin.
Oh, wow.
Mm, thank you, book.
Thank you.
(KISSING) Oh, hey! All right.
The Librarians.
How was your adventure? Good.
Went really well.
No thanks to you! You set the door to a port-o-potty two feet from the Tar Pits.
We fell right in.
Uh, this stuff is really like sand.
It gets everywhere, and I mean everywhere! What's going on with you, Jenkins? You never make mistakes like that.
Must've just had a senior moment.
But, hey, at least the mission went well, right? Uh, is that the artifact? The Osiris Stone it's able to bring the dead back to life.
That is so rad.
Can I touch it? Sure.
Awesome.
Wow.
You feeling all right, Jenkins? What? Uh, yeah.
Yeah, no, never better.
Yeah, just feeling like myself, you know, Jenkins.
Jenkins being Jenkins.
(CHUCKLING) - (ALARM BLARING) - Aah! What the hell? Perimeter alarm.
Someone's trying to get into the library.
Who is that? VOICE: Fingerprint not recognized.
- Damn it.
- Voice pattern not recognized.
Oh, just shut up.
Ah.
Colonel? Colonel, it's me.
It's Jenkins! BAIRD: What's he doing? I mean, he's clearly insane.
You gotta feel sorry for him, don't ya? Looks like a sad sack.
I don't know.
I feel like there's kind of a rugged handsomeness to him.
How Ah.
- Sorry.
Need this.
- Hey! Jenkins.
Oh, look.
He's writing something.
- Hey! Whoa! - What are you doing? Jeez! Butterfingers, right? Well, we're done with this guy anyway.
Look, you've seen one homeless guy on bath salts, you've seen them all.
Now, tell me all about that mission.
Can you see it? I'm Jenkins! I am They don't know it's me.
Jeff, where have you been? I just walked from St.
John's Bridge.
Well, Lord, that's over five miles away.
Actually eleven.
Well, now that you're back, the toilet's been acting fussy again, and I had to miss both "Wheel" and "Steve Harvey.
" Oh, and guess what? We ran out of Werther's Originals.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going? I'm going to search his room, try to figure out why how this happened.
- Whose room? - Uh, just Wait, what about my Werther's Originals, Jeff? Good grief, woman, don't you have some wretched husband you can order about? How could you say something like that? Do you think it's been easy for me living without your father? His cancer just about destroyed me.
I'm sorry.
I miss him so much.
Right.
Excuse me.
MAN: Read it.
People just inform themselves.
- MAN 2: You're a dork.
- Actually, you're a dork.
- Hey, Jeff! - Hey, Jeff.
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! You ready to play? We said after work.
I got Ring Pops.
Leave me alone, please.
- What about the game? - Yeah.
So last we left off, we were about to enter the catacombs of the demon king to find the golden treasure.
Jeff, D&D, we're waiting.
Excuse me, please.
For the last time, leave me be.
I do not want to play your stupid game.
(IMITATES CAT SNARL) Well, Jenkins is out.
Guess it's just you and me, Jacob Stone.
Quite right, Cassandra Cillian.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, you know about the Librarians? God, what is wrong with you? He is seriously mental today.
WOMAN: They're our D&D characters.
We got Cassandra the Sorceress, Stone the Ranger.
Baird the Warrior Princess.
Flynn the Wise Sage.
And Mr.
Jones? MAN: Ezekiel the Cunning Thief.
Sadly, he got eaten by a tenth-level orc a few weeks ago.
How do you know about them? Dude, because of you.
You're, like, obsessed with them.
Did you forget your shrine? What? MAN: You know, I'm still on the fence about whether they're real or not.
WOMAN: Librarians? Of course they are.
What about all those DOSA files that Wikileaks dumped? DENNIS: Oh, or those articles by what's-her-name, the reporter.
- MAN: Sarina Bhonsle.
- DENNIS: Yes.
- She retracted them.
- What? She took them all back.
WOMAN: Or she was forced to.
(SING-SONG) Conspiracy.
- MAN: You had me at conspiracy.
- Oh, my God.
I'm, uh (CHUCKLES) really obsessed with Jenkins, huh? Big time.
You said Jenkins is like an immortal knight of Camelot.
- Percival, I think.
- No, Lancelot.
- Galahad.
- MAN: Galahad! Who would want to be Galahad? Arthur is way cooler.
(MUTTERING) So he switched bodies with me on purpose.
The enemy is at the castle gates.
- (GROWLING) - To battle! (BARKING) Your skills are impressive, Black Knight.
Can you handle this? - (YELPS, WHIMPERS) - I meant to do that.
Yeah, you know, I meant to do that.
(BARKING) Hey, Cassandra.
Sassy Cassie.
How you doing? I'm good.
Uh, I guess I just Jenkins, I need to Ah, ah, ah, whoa, hey.
Hold that thought.
Water into wine.
Ha! How sick is that, right? You want a pull? - No, I'm good.
- Cool.
More for me.
Ah, so what's up? I mean, to what do I owe this splendiferous pleasure, Miss Cillian? Um, I I found this book in the Annex, and I've never seen it before, and I can't find a file on it.
Oh, yeah, no, that's, um that's 'cause it's a new acquisition.
Yeah, from the s (MUMBLES) department.
- Oh.
- I was just about to file it away, so don't you worry your pretty little red head about it.
Okay.
Great.
Hey, um I was just thinking, if you weren't busy later, you and me could go out and double straw a margarita, maybe talk about magic, maybe make some magic.
Excuse me? What? No, nothing.
- No.
- No, no, I just - Yeah.
- Just kidding.
(CHUCKLES) Right.
- Yeah - Uh, I am going to put this puppy back and, yeah, good talk.
Great.
Okay.
- Yeah, Stoner, my man.
- (SMACKS BUTT) Do you think Do Do you think there's something off about Jenkins? - 'Cause - Maybe.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- He did ask me earlier if Baird was seeing anyone.
- Oh.
- I just figured it was a like a byproduct of him dealing with mortality or a delayed, delayed mid-life crisis.
Right.
Hiding place, hiding place.
Oh.
Oh.
Ugh.
Gross.
Rats skitter, skitter.
Bats flying, flying, flying.
You make your way down the castle catacombs, slime oozing down the walls.
Suddenly you come across a wooden door.
What do you do? - We open the door.
- This is ridiculous.
It creaks open Cree-eak revealing a glistening mound of treasure.
But it is being guarded by a great ten-foot tall cave troll.
Have I been acting odd lately? - Have I come into contact with anything? - The cave troll opens its great mouth, blood dripping from its fangs.
(SLURPS) What do you do? (TOGETHER) Attack! - Roll for initiative.
- Ooh, yeah.
Roll for initiative.
(SIGHS) Ha! Cassandra the Sorceress goes first.
I cast fireball at the troll.
Oh, completely ineffective.
Does not work at all.
- What? - What? She just rolled at 19.
The cave troll is wearing a fire resistance ring, so it's immune to fireballs.
Dude, always the fire rings.
It's the third campaign (OVERLAPPING ARGUING) Who makes up this Listen to me.
First of all, do you realize how full this game is of just inaccuracies and misinformation? Um, my fifth edition Monster Manual begs to differ.
Yes, that is not First, no self-respecting castle will hide its treasure behind an unlocked wooden door.
That's just amateur hour.
And anybody that's anybody knows that cave trolls don't have fangs.
They have tusks.
Oh, and a fireball spell? Do you realize how long it takes to conjure one of those? Days.
A paralysis spell works in half the time and is just as effective.
People, if we're gonna do it, let's do it right.
I think he needs to be the Dungeon Master.
No! Not this again.
I'm the Dungeon Master! Dude, that was incredible.
He had the paralysis Listen.
Wait, wait.
Is this what you do with your days, just sit in this cellar and play this game? What is wrong with you? Dude, you've been acting like a total psycho.
- Yeah, ever since you found that book.
- I Book? What book? Seriously, do you not remember a single thing? Did you get hit in the head? Yeah, really hard.
What book? The one you got online from the rare bookshop that was being liquidated.
You wouldn't stop talking about it.
You kept on saying how it would make a kick-ass monster manual.
It looked a little bit strange to be a monster manual, if you ask me.
Wait, wait, what did it look like? - I can probably look it up.
- What? One second.
Ah! That's no monster manual.
That's the Asmodeus Grimoire.
It's the most dangerous book in the world.
Asmodeus Grimoire? Jeff, what are you talking about? He bought the book.
He didn't know what it was.
Then he found out what it was, and he used it to exchange places with me, not understanding the consequences.
Jeff, you're scaring me.
I've gotta break into the Library, find the book if he still has how do I break into the Library? Oh.
Secret entrances.
I can't do that without help.
I've got to Get up.
Let's go.
- What? - Let's go.
Up.
Out.
Mush.
- Where are we going? - Just go.
- What about the game? - Don't worry about it.
I promised my wife I was gonna stop at the Bed, Bath, & Beyond.
Yes, yes.
I don't know what that is, but it's gonna have to wait.
Come on.
Go.
Go.
Get in the car.
Jeff, please.
I'm not going another step further until you tell us what's going on.
Yeah! And what about the game? Okay, this is going to sound ludicrous to you, but I'm not your friend Jeff.
I am in reality Jenkins, also known as Galahad, Knight of Camelot, and Caretaker to the magical Library, which happens to be real.
The book that your friend bought was not a toy, nor a fake.
It was an authentic spellbook which he used to exchange bodies with me, apparently because he was obsessed with me, but when he did so, he also unknowingly released very powerful evil forces that could wreak havoc, and we must stop it before it's too late.
- Okay.
- Makes sense.
- Totally.
- That's it? No "That's the craziest thing we've ever heard, dude"? Yeah.
No, we figured something like this was going on.
Yeah, it's just like that D&D module, "The Sinister Body Snatchers of Boldovia.
" When do we start? Uh, now.
Let's start now.
Front entrance to the Library is impenetrable, protected by an elaborate security system.
There is, however, a back door, but to gain access to it, one must first pass through a series of booby-trapped chambers, each more deadly than the last.
If you know so much about it, why can't you just waltz in? Yeah, why do you need us? Because the chambers were designed to prevent a single individual from gaining access.
It takes teamwork.
(CLEARS THROAT) But you know about the booby traps, right? You can get us past the booby traps.
No, the chambers are constantly self-reconfiguring, the puzzles inside, chosen by the Library itself.
I have no idea what we'll face.
- Wow.
- All of you must help me get to the back door.
In order to do this, you must be trained in the way of the Librarians.
You must become greater than yourselves.
You're going to turn us into Librarians? No, that would take a miracle.
Let's begin.
(GRUNTING) A Librarian must make friends with danger, must learn to fight with his, or her, body and mind.
A Librarian is more than a person.
A Librarian is a shining beacon, reminding us of the best humanity has to offer.
Everything hurts.
Why did you make us do that? - That was grueling.
- Hmm.
What are you doing over there? Yeah, come on.
Join us.
Have some of my famous home-brewed mead.
It's cheap wine mixed with Shasta cola.
- Ignore her.
- It's so good.
You'll love it.
It's been a very long time since I partook in spirits.
Hmm? Good stuff, huh? No, not at all.
(LAUGHING) So are you honestly gonna sit there and not tell us about Camelot? We're D&D nerds.
Spill.
Come on, what was Arthur like? Bossy.
A bit vain, but a good king.
Was Merlin as cool as we think he is? - Cooler than you can imagine.
- Aww! To be a Knight of the Round Table.
I bet it was a lot like this, right? Just sitting around, drinking mead, telling tales of glory.
Well, I don't know so much about that.
I stayed to myself a lot.
But you're Galahad, the finder of the Holy Grail, nicknamed the "Perfect Knight.
" But also the illegitimate son of Lancelot, not of true noble birth.
I always felt different than the others, even after joining the Library.
I'm neither Librarian nor Guardian.
It's sort of on the outside looking in.
I know what you're talking about.
I grew up an Army brat, so we moved eight times in 12 years.
I never lived a single place long enough to call home.
You had it lucky.
I would've killed to move.
Beats sticking around, being picked on by all the beautiful people.
Try dealing with a family of overachievers.
Do you know what it was like during Thanksgiving? I was invisible.
To the outcasts.
Long may they reign.
Huzzah.
I will never drink wine and Shasta again, that's for sure.
Do you guys think this is too much? Maybe I should go home and change Ag No, stop it.
You've already changed twice.
No, no, no, no, honey.
We shouldn't be late.
I'm just gonna break into the Magical Castle and Hang up! We need to focus.
Come.
We have to enter here to gain access to the underground chambers.
Where? The tree? Run directly into it.
It will transport you there.
It's an invisible door, just like the train station in Harry Potter.
Love it.
(GROWLS) - Now that - Uh! Aurora, are you okay? Please tell me one of you guys got a picture of that.
That was awesome! The entrance is here.
Get behind me.
Follow me in.
Now that was awesome.
- Whoo! Yeah! - Oh, my God! The door down there will take us to the second chamber.
Tell me that did not just come up out of the floor.
Interlocking pieces, like part of a jigsaw puzzle.
So if we solve it, then we can cross.
Awesome.
Oh, well, I know puzzles 'cause I do them - with my kids all the time.
- Wait! Don't (RUMBLING) What was that? What was that? What was that? You set off one of the booby traps.
- Sorry.
- Each wrong move makes the chamber collapse a little more.
What are we gonna do now? (HUMMING "POP GOES THE WEASEL") - (SCREAMING) - (BOX SHRIEKING) (LAUGHS) - Awesome.
- Hello, Jenkins.
Oh, well, if it isn't my favorite math whiz/ synesthete/tumor survivor.
What's happenin', Red? I just found this scroll I need translated for an upcoming mission.
I couldn't find Stone, so I thought maybe you could help me.
You w you want me to Tran translate? Yeah.
It's just a mix of Sumerian and seventh-century archaic Latin.
Should be a breeze for you.
After all, you are Jenkins.
Yeah.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Uh-huh, what Did you Did you hear that? Did you hear someone calling for me? I think I heard Yeah, I'll be right there! Translate the scroll, Jenkins.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, not a problem.
Not a problem.
(CLEARS THROAT) (GROANS) Boy, they sure make the font small on these things, huh? Okay.
Um, inter-way is-yay oming-cay.
- Pig Latin.
- I knew it.
- I knew you were a fake.
- What did you do with Jenkins? Oh, please don't hurt me.
Tell us or we feed you to Nessie.
No, please.
Wait, the Loch Ness Monster's here? - Start talking.
- Okay, all right.
Um, um, uh-uh Okay, my name is Jeff Peppers.
I'm a 28-year-old tech from Circuit Town.
I found a book with magic in it, and I used it to swap places with Jenkins.
That's the book I was telling you about.
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
I just wanted to rent him for a little while.
You know, honestly, I'm a really good guy.
If you guys ever find yourself out by Circuit Town, pop on in.
I'll give you a discount.
Well, on anything other than Apple products 'cause, you know, they don't really give me that kind of pull Where's this book? It's just over here.
I hid it underneath one of your end tables, which are beautiful, by the way.
Just show us the book.
Yeah, no, there it is.
See? No harm, no foul.
What is that? Are those hoof prints? (ROARING) AURORA: We've been staring at this forever.
There has to be a way to figure this out.
- Well - I know this.
- Uh - Schmidt, what are you doing? Yeah, man, don't play around.
Twenty pieces, each a triangle.
Twenty pieces.
Twenty triangles.
Mr.
Schmidt, we cannot afford any mistakes.
Trust me, guys.
I got this.
It's an icosahedron.
How did you know that? It's the one shape every D&D player in the world knows.
20-sided die.
Roll for initiative, bitches.
- That was awesome! - Dragon's fire, bro! Dungeon Master, bro! Mr.
Schmidt.
Now, we have to turn these dials exactly at the same time.
One, two, three.
This one looks fun.
- (SCREAMS) - Oh, God! What is that? Stop, stop, stop.
Just stop.
Past intruders in the Library.
Many have tried.
None have succeeded.
Let's get out of this chamber quick.
Would you please stop setting off booby traps? What is wrong with you? Have you not seen "Indy 3: Last Crusade"? Oh, is that the one with Shia LaBeouf? SCHMIDT: No, Dennis! - Gimme that boom.
- Excuse me? The tiles.
It's just like "Dance Dance Revolution.
" - What? - It's this stupid dancing game where you step on glowing tiles that match a pattern.
These tiles are glowing in a repeating pattern, just like the song, "Gimme That Boom.
" Watch.
(MUSIC PLAYING) Gimme that boom, boom, boom Gimme that boom, boom, boom Holy roly poly, it's working.
Come on.
Gimme that boom, boom, boom Gimme that boom, boom, boom Bang it with the bottom, gonna make ya move Come on, Jenkins, dance.
- No.
- But you'll die! Much preferred.
Thank you.
Jenkins, you'll never get your body back.
Gimme that, gimme that, gimme that That, that boom, boom, boom We get dressed up, put on the makeup Go, Jenkins! It's your birthday! - Go, Jenkins! - Come on, Jenkins! - (GRUNTING) - I can't stop this (MUSIC STOPS) Way to go, Sir Jenkins.
Well done.
Well done.
But any of you ever mention this, I will end you.
- Okay.
- Understood.
Aurora.
Now, just like before.
- Whoa.
- Where are we? If this is the final chamber, then where's the door? Maybe we did something wrong.
SCHMIDT: Maybe we're in a dream, like inside the dream of some giant sentient creature, and when he wakes up, we'll wake up.
AURORA: Or we're in limbo, and we got in a huge car accident on the way here, and we all just died.
- Or - Please, please, be quiet.
I'm trying to concentrate.
Don't worry, Sir Jenkins.
We will find a way out of here.
Oh, God, I don't think so.
I don't think we can dance our way out of this one.
Hey, she's just trying to be positive.
I was an idiot thinking I could train you as Librarians.
It's impossible! And now here we are.
We're stuck.
Stuck in this room.
I am stuck in this body.
It's no use.
Oh, God.
It's (GROANS) Hopeless.
It's hopeless.
Mr.
Jenkins.
There's this bedtime story I often tell my kids.
Oh, God.
It It's about a bunny that gets lost on his way home from the dark wood, and he gets so scared, so frightened, that he wants to just curl up in a little ball and give up.
But then he remembers what his mother always tells him.
No matter how dark things look, just keep hopping and you'll find your way home.
Just keep hopping.
Just keep - (THUD) - hopping.
Just keep hopping.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Just keep hopping! Hopping! And hopping! Find your way home! AURORA: We made it.
That last chamber was a test of perseverance.
Thank you, Dennis.
And thank you all for bringing me this far.
But here is where we must part.
You mean, we can't go in? No.
The Library must stay a magical secret place.
It cannot be shared with the public, despite what your friend Jeff thinks.
Go to his house, and if all turns out well, you'll soon have your friend back to normal.
May I borrow your sword? Would you three take a knee, please? In the name of the ancient gods, and to all the ancient kings, I dub thee three honorary knights of Camelot.
Rise, knights.
I have fought beside the greatest of warriors, but none braver than you.
(CHUCKLES) Now, go.
I have an evil book I must find.
Mr.
Stone.
Mr.
Stone.
Ezekiel.
Cassan Colonel? Colonel.
Colonel.
(CLATTERING) (CLATTERING) Show yourself! Oh, thank God.
I thought that thing was back.
You thief! Oh, crap.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You stole my body! Yes, yes, I did, but it was just for a little while.
I promise I was going to give it back.
- Liar! - No, I'm telling the truth.
I told the Librarians about the book, and I was taking them to find it when this monster, it came out and it attacked us, and I hid.
You think that was bad? Wait till I get hold of you! - Please, please, please.
- How dare you! Stop! Just stop.
Please, please stop.
I screwed up.
I used the book, and I got in way over my head.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
- (GROANS) - I'm so sorry.
That thing.
What was that? That is Asmodeus, one of the Seven Princes of Hell.
Centuries ago, Merlin entrapped him in that spellbook.
But by you using it, you unknowingly released him back into the world.
- Your friends, are they - They're They'll be fine.
It's just a form of hibernation.
Asmodeus' power is limited for now, but I must find him.
I must entrap him again, and to do that, I must be in my own body.
- So give me that book back.
- You wanna switch back now? If I'm to fight a Prince of Hell, I can't do it in this short, slightly overweight body.
I need to be in my own skin.
- But I like being you.
- Jeff! You saw my life.
You saw how much it sucks.
I mean, I live in my mother's basement, for Christ's sake.
My life is not yours to take.
I know.
I know.
It It It's just You had to be me for a couple of days.
I have to be me forever.
Not long ago, I made a decision to become mortal.
My choice.
I I did it willingly, but I will confess that I was not prepared for what it would be like to actually be human.
And I've been struggling, truly struggling, with the idea of growing older, the limitations, and having to go into the world dealing with people? There are a lot of awful people in the world.
Do you know that? But I think I'm coming to realize that I've been concentrating on the negative a little too much, because on the other side there are wonderful, amazing things in this life, in your life.
You have phenomenally faithful friends, you have a loving mother, and you have food.
Yeah, food is good.
Food is delicious.
Yeah.
And so there are beautiful things in life, in your life, and we have to embrace it all.
Because, really, what's the point of having a life if one does not live it fully? If I have followed this recipe precisely, this should do the trick.
- Ugh, it smells rank.
- Eh? It well, it can't be any worse than your friend Schmidt's homemade mead.
Down the hatch.
I could use a chaser.
Ooh.
Hey, what's going on? Why do I still look like you? Perhaps the potion has a delayed reaction.
Oh, okay.
So what? Do we just sit here and wait it out? No, no, no.
We have no time for that.
For every minute Asmodeus is out there, he gains in strength.
Fortunately, we have something he needs.
When Merlin first captured Asmodeus, he took some of his power as a precaution and contained it within a gem stone which Merlin then hid inside the book.
Sort of a hide-in-plain sight thing.
So as long as I have the gem stone, Asmodeus will not be fully powerful and I can defeat him.
There's no Where's the gem there's no gemstone.
This gemstone, um, was it kinda small, sort of a reddish color? - Oh, Jeff, no.
- Look, I didn't know.
It was just sitting there inside the book.
What did you do with it? (STAMMERS) You know, I - I s - Sorry, you did what? - I sort of gave it to my mom.
- You gave it to your mom.
Look, it was her birthday, and it sort of looked like a cubic zirconia, so I figured, why not? So I just gave it to her and then I just don't wanna piss her off.
I mean, you know my mom.
She can be a bit of a ballbuster, so Listen to me, Jeff.
Asmodeus will be looking for that gemstone, so if it is with your mother That's where Asmodeus is heading.
And she and your friends are in grave danger.
What do we do? We take the battle to him.
Now, when we get inside, stay close be prepared for anything.
- I'm scared.
- You should be.
Mom? Schmidt? - Asmodeus? - What are you - You don't call for the Prince of Hell.
- Right.
(WOMAN SCREAMS) - (WOMAN SOBBING) - (SNARLS) (ROARS) (GROWLING) Back, foul beast! Get the gemstone.
She'll be safe without the gemstone.
Hurry! Hurry! - JEFF: Mom, are you okay? - MOTHER: What's going on? What's wrong with that man's face? Mom, I need the gemstone.
No, tell him to get his own.
Mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Got it! Time to go! - (ROARS) - Bye, Mom! Come.
Come.
Come.
We'll lure him back to the Library, trap him there.
(SHOUTS) Damn it.
Oh! To the basement.
Go.
Go.
Go! Oh, my God, my friends.
Oh, my God, this is all my fault.
I did this.
God, I'm such a schmuck.
We don't have time for this.
He will find us.
What if we just give him back the gemstone, apologize, be like, "Asmodeus, we're really sorry that we took your gemstone"? You wanted to be a Knight of Camelot.
Now is your chance.
Fight.
- I'm scared.
- Well Oh, God! No, no, no, no! (BOTH GRUNTING) Jeff! Get out here and fight! Hey, zombie face! You want this? (SNARLS) You shall not pass! (GROWLS) Okay.
No, I'm just kidding.
You can have it.
You can have it.
I don't want it.
Take it, please.
Just take it.
Take it.
I don't want it.
(LAUGHING) Well done.
You fought well.
Yeah.
Well, it's easy when you're Galahad the brave knight.
Take a look in the mirror.
I did this? As myself? Like a true knight.
We switched back when we came through the magic door.
Oh, I think I'm gonna puke.
- Oh.
- (JEFF RETCHING) Jeff, is that really you? - Dude! - Hey, what's up, guys? Dude! (LAUGHING) JEFF: Oh, my God, I have so many stories.
AURORA: It was amazing.
We got knighted.
(ALL CHATTERING) I wasn't even scared.
I found Poseidon's Trident.
Jeff was roasting marshmallows with it.
Still better than what he was doing with the Shroud Of Turin.
Good Lord, how much damage can one man cause? We're just happy to have you back.
What about you, mate? You still haven't told us what it was like.
Yeah, it must've been awful, huh, hanging out with the common folk? Actually, you know, people aren't bad if you give 'em half a chance.
They can be quite delightful.
I have an appointment I have to get to.
I think I'll drive.
Did he just say people could be delightful? Wonders never cease.
So that mind flayer? He, like, melted his brain.
- Yeah, my favorite.
- That was so good.
I just replay that over and over.
- Hey, Jenkins! - Jenkins! JEFF: What's up, dude? You're just in time.
We're just about to fight the acid-spewing black dragon.
First of all, black dragons breathe fire.
They do not spew acid.
- He's so good.
- And I brought your mom a nice big bag of Werther's Originals.
- Aww, thanks.
- And you know what? If I'm gonna continue playing with you guys, I need to be Dungeon Master.
- Agreed.
- What? No.
- Dude, come on.
- I'm moving.
I'm moving.
Dude, dude, I can't have you playing this game with all of these inaccuracies.
Fine, but my character gets to have the ring of fire resistance.
- Yes! Happening.
- Another ring? - Ring of fire every time.
- No.
It's not a real thing.
Shh.
Okay, danger.
The moat? It is dark.
But you must cross it.