The Simple Life (2003) s04e10 Episode Script

NARRA TOR: Paris and Nicole ha ve spent time with nine very different families, Iearning about the proper care of husbands and children.
(SCREAMS) For good luck.
Bad, bad boy.
(SCREAMS) NARRA TOR: With only one family left, Nicole's ready to celebrate.
Going to work! (WHOOPlNG) NARRA TOR: But Paris, for reasons not so out of the ordinary is exhausted.
(PHONE RlNGlNG) Jason? It's me.
I'm dying.
I don't want to go to work today.
I just don't feel good.
I'm tired.
I've been working every single day.
NARRA TOR: So while Nicole gets ready to meet one more family, Paris hatches a crafty plan to take a day off.
(PHONE RlNGlNG) Hello? Hi, is this Celebrity Doubles, L.
A.
? Hi, I needed to get a look-alike of me.
It's Paris Hilton.
No, really.
So, you guys are here today because I need one of you to go to this family's house, and literally pretend to be me.
(PARlS CHUCKLES) Hot.
PARlS: Where the hell are we? NARRA TOR: Paris can't bear another day as a housewife, so she's come up with a sneaky solution, to hire a celebrity look-alike to take her place.
I'm gonna ask you all some questions, and answer as if you were in character.
-What's your name? -It's Alec.
-Natalie.
-Princess.
The right answer is "Paris Hilton.
" What are the names of your dogs? I don't have one.
Tinkerbell.
I have Tinkerbell, Bambi, and I just got a new one, but I can't remember her name.
Oh, well.
(CHUCKLES) The real answer is Tinkerbell, Bambi, Harajuku Bitch and Tokyo Blue.
(BUZZER RlNGlNG) They're new, though.
They're not famous yet.
Who is the president of Pakistan? -I don't know.
-I don't know.
(CHUCKLES) Me neither.
The hottest guy in the world is in town for one hour, and he invites you over, but you didn't have anything to wear.
What do you do? A bra set, and then put a trench coat over top.
A sexy bathing suit, so hopefully you can go in the hot tub.
The right answer is you don't meet a guy the same night he asks you out.
What are you, a desperate nympho? (BUZZER RlNGS) So now I'm going to see how you can do my walk.
Paris Number One.
Paris Number Two.
Very nice.
Paris Number Three.
(PARlS WHlSTLES) I think I've made my decision.
So, Alex.
I love your haircut, but you didn't really know any of the answers, and you have an accent.
They're going to know it's not me.
-But, otherwise you're hot.
-Thanks.
I think you're hot, too.
Thank you, bitch.
Brian, you're a sexy bitch.
Your legs are amazing, but you're a boy.
(CHUCKLES) And they're gonna know.
Natalie.
I'm gonna pick you, 'cause I think that you did the walk perfectly.
When I was sitting up there, I was like, "Whoa, it does look like me.
" -Oh, thank you.
-Oh, it's cool.
So I just want to thank everyone for their time, and I have some presents for you.
It's my book and my perfume.
Do you want the boy or the girl perfume? Or both? The boy.
-I wear the boy, too.
-Okay, good.
-We got work to do, bitch.
-Okay.
Let's go.
NARRA TOR: So, Natalie wins the contest of counterfeit celebutantes, but she needs a hardcore makeover to become the perfect Paris.
I think that you'll look really hot in that.
That -That's hot.
-With, like, Nicky's bag.
-This necklace.
-Lose this, because it matches that.
-Hot.
-I look hot.
Loves it.
(CHUCKLES) -It's so weird looking at you.
-Really? Well, it's not in a bad way.
It's just weird.
So, what do you Do you just go to parties, and like, they just pay you to, like -Yeah, they pay -walk around and what do you do? Just look hot.
-Just like you.
-Just walk around? -Yeah.
Just walk around, take pictures.
-What do people say? One time I was at this club in New York, and this guy came up to me, and he was like, "So, Paris, you know that all the celebrities "are working with charities in Africa, "and so what are you going to do?" And I got so freaked out 'cause he was so serious about it, I left the club.
Now, I'm going to give you a crash course on how to be me.
One rule is to be sweet at all times.
Never hold anything.
That's what other people are there for.
Never pass a mirror without looking in it.
Every time you walk into a house, make sure to ask for toast with butter.
Do you have, like, toast with butter? Do you have white toast with butter? Do you have bread and butter? I really want toast.
If you don't even know what to say, just be like, "That's hot.
" -Don't get engaged.
-Got it.
-Who's the enemy? -Nicole's the enemy.
-Perfect.
You are now Paris Hilton.
-That's hot.
-Hot.
-Hot.
(BOTH GlGGLE) -Bye, bitch.
-Hot.
Bye, bitch.
This was the most genius idea I've ever came up with.
(WHlNlNG) (SNORlNG) NARRA TOR: It's the moment oftruth for Paris' double, as she gets ready to meet the last family.
A couple who are the ultimate example of the perfect marriage.
I am Ben Siegel.
And I am Rita Siegel.
BOTH: And we are the Siegel family.
Hooray.
Oh.
God, I can't wait to see them.
'Cause I understand they are so gorgeous.
BEN: I hope you're not disappointed.
Don't That's your opinion, and I have my opinion.
We have been married 64 years.
And today, in this society, you're lucky if you're married 64 days.
That's all you have to say about our wonderful marriage? My goal for Paris and Nicole is I hope they will get something out of our lives, to just be considerate of each other.
Go inside and go change your shirt.
Well, if you would wash it once in a while, the lines would be Go out of it.
Ben, go and change your shirt.
And if there happens to be a disagreement with each other, not to be afraid to apologize.
-I didn't say it was dirty.
-Always picking on me.
-I just -Always picking on me.
-I feel sorry for you.
-Yeah (MUTTERlNG) (DOORBELL RlNGS) Hello? Hi.
-Oh, Paris! -It's nice to meet you.
Oh, you look gorgeous.
-Thank you so much.
-Oh, my God, more so than I thought.
-You're so sweet.
-You look beautiful.
-Look at this girl.
-Thank you.
-Nice to meet you.
-She is absolutely gorgeous.
-Thank you.
-I never knew you were so tall.
Would you like to see a tour of where we live? Definitely.
I would love to see a tour.
-Oh, come on.
-Thank you.
-Can I have some toast with butter? -RlTA: Of Oh, yeah.
-You want two slices? -NATALlE: Sure.
NARRA TOR: So it looks like Natalie's pulled it off.
The Siegels are buying it.
I understand that you want to know about a marriage, somebody's marriage, -and what makes it successful.
-Yeah.
Sixty-four years and we still love each other.
-We really still love -I hope I can be like that someday.
There's no reason why you shouldn't.
You're capable of staying healthy.
Just a minute.
Let me get my stuff in with the -You want to get your two cents in? -Yeah.
-Go ahead.
-I'm the one that keeps us healthy.
I will take the credit for that.
I've been pumping iron since 1952.
-RlTA: Feel, feel, feel, feel.
-Oh, my God.
-Press.
-She has more muscles than me.
You have muscle? Let me see.
-It's not really muscles.
-Oh, yeah.
What do you do? Nothing.
-I do these at the gym.
Twelve pounds.
-That's hot.
I love it.
And then what I do, I change to the other hand, and then do the other arm.
That's really incredible.
(DOORBELL RlNGS) -Someone's at the door.
-Who's that? Who's at the door? -Hi.
I'm Nicole.
-Hello.
NARRA TOR: Since Paris and Nicole can 't get along, they have been visiting families separately.
But today, Paris got the scheduling wrong.
Horribly wrong.
-She's getting exercise lessons.
-Who's getting exercise lessons? -RlTA: This is Nicole? -Hi.
-Welcome.
-Thank you.
-How are you? -NlCOLE: I'm good.
Look at you, beautiful girl.
-Hi, Paris.
-Hi.
-How are you? -I'm good.
-I haven't seen you in a while.
-I know.
It's been a while.
-You shrunk a little bit.
-Thanks.
-You look good.
-You look really good, too.
You look very thin.
Can I talk to her for one second? -What's going on here? -I could've been out playing golf today.
So, clearly, you're not Paris.
She didn't want to come to work? She didn't feel like coming to work, so she hired me.
Okay, well, she ended up hiring you on a day that she didn't even have to come.
You're an impostor.
So I'm just gonna tell the family.
-You can't do that.
-Why? You would let the family down and you would crush them.
I don't know them.
I don't care.
RlTA: Nicole came in.
I greeted her and she greeted me nicely.
Then Paris started fighting with her.
(SNARLlNG) Like two lions.
Or tigresses.
Is tigress for tiger? (SNORlNG) I guess I'm just gonna tell the family that you're an impostor.
-Please do not do that.
-Why? Paris said if I do a good job, that I can do all of next season.
You can? That's sweet of her.
NARRA TOR: While her double sweats it out with Nicole, Paris takes full advantage ofher free day.
You have great hands.
This is so much better than having to work.
I love it.
NARRA TOR: Back at the Siegels', Nicole is developing a sneaky plan ofher own, to get even with Paris, once and for all.
I'm going to tell them that you're a Paris impersonator, unless you do everything that I tell you to do.
As long as you promise not to tell them.
-I always keep my word.
-That's hot.
(GROWLlNG) -Will you put on my shoes for me, please? -Oh, my God, really? Well, you have to do everything I say, remember? -Okay.
-Let me think, let me think.
NARRA TOR: With a fake Paris at her mercy, Nicole wonders how best to take advantage of this golden opportunity.
All right.
So, what if I have you tell this family that you really want to confess something, and that you need to hold a press conference in their living room, right now.
And in this press conference, you tell the reporter that you are pregnant with Marc Anthony's baby.
Oh, my God.
And you're not sure if it's J.
Lo's or if it's Marc Anthony's, because you've heard that J.
Lo used to be a man.
Do you think you can do that? I mean, I know I'm hired here by Paris, but I wouldn't want to embarrass her like that.
Oh, it's fine.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
A lot of untrue things are always printed, you know.
It's not a big deal.
-Deal? -Deal.
NARRA TOR: Nicole decides to alert the foreign press Hi, TV Week, Australia? hoping they'll fall for her scandalous story, and the counterfeit heiress.
Hi, could you get a reporter over here? I'm actually sitting here with Paris, and we have a very hot, exclusive story that we wanna give a reporter.
All right, thanks.
Bye.
Are you sure that this wouldn't blow up into something? No.
No, no, no, no.
It'll be fine.
It's just one reporter.
RlTA: Where you going? I'm ready to go in there, and tell them to get the hell out now.
No, you're not, Ben.
Just Just behave.
Just don't tell them, "Get the hell out.
" -Why don't you -All right.
Just nicely.
"Get out.
" No.
Just be patient.
Go in your chair, and go take a nap.
NlCOLE: Hi.
BEN: Hi.
You're good friends, and you shouldn't be fighting.
We're not fighting.
It's fine.
You're good friends, and that's what you should be.
-Yeah.
-You both have beauty.
You both have influential friends.
You both have money.
You got all the makings to have a great time and a great life.
And you shouldn't really let anything interfere.
There's no reason to.
You're mad? Talk it out, get over it.
Don't carry it on.
Don't carry on a grudge.
'Cause that will kill your soul.
And that's just too easy to do.
That's sweet of you.
Now we can do it good.
No? Yeah.
NARRA TOR: Back at Paris ' house, the real Miss Hilton takes a break from her relaxing day off, to meet with her publicist, Elliot Mintz.
T ell me the bad news first.
MlNTZ: Today, it's primarily about boyfriends.
Whatever you do in your romantic life is your romantic business.
As far as your media life, I think we should really try our best to keep the two separate.
It's impossible to date someone, or even be friends with a guy, without them writing something.
-That's so lame.
-You've got to hide your love away.
Can you do it? I'm sick of "Page Six.
" They really have got to stop.
It's, like, completely false stories.
And, even now, I have, like, five look-alikes or even more, running around, and people think it's me.
-NlCOLE: Hi, guys.
How are you? -Okay.
NARRA TOR: While the girls spend quality time with their hosts, Nicole makes sure Paris ' double is willing to do anything she wants.
NlCOLE: Paris, could you get me some water, please? Here you go, Nicole.
-Thanks.
-You want anything else? -Yeah.
Can I get a straw, please? -Sure.
Okay.
Could you just hold it because of my wrist? -What's wrong with your wrist? -It's just a little floppy.
(SLURPlNG) Paris, can you get me a piece of toast, please? Could you spread mine with butter, not margarine? RlTA: You mind telling me what this is all about? Oh, it's nothing.
It's just between me and Nicole.
So, you want me to mind my own business? No.
It's just the way our friendship is.
-NATALlE: This all right? -Thanks.
-RlTA: Paris? -Could you feed that piece to me, please? I don't wanna feed it to you.
-RlTA: Paris, your toast is getting cold.
-She's calling you "Paris".
Do you want me to have her call you Natalie? -This one? -Yeah.
That's a good one.
Thank you.
(DOORBELL RlNGS) -Hi.
-Hi.
I'm Jenny Cooney with TV Week, Australia.
Hello.
-Who are you with? -I'm with TV Week magazine, Australia.
-Hi.
How are you? -Hello.
Hi, Nicole.
Jenny Cooney.
-Thanks for coming.
-Thanks for having me.
NlCOLE: We have a very good story for you.
JENNY: Great.
-Hello.
-You know Paris? -Hi.
Nice to meet you.
-Good to meet you.
-You look so good.
-Oh, European.
I'm sorry.
-Oh, the magazine.
-Come in.
NARRA TOR: Back at the Hilton house, Paris gets news of Nicole's impromptu press conference.
What interview? What? I am going to kill Nicole.
JENNY: But, you know, in Australia, they all love you.
-Thank you so much.
-That's hot.
So, we're really looking forward to hearing what it is that you want to tell us.
Well, I can't believe I'm actually sitting here on a couch with the two of you.
I mean, does this mean the feud is over? Well, actually, we're not really here to talk about the feud.
What we're here to talk about is something more that Paris really just wants to, you know, get out, and I'll, kind of, start it off for you.
You know, there was a night, and she was in Spain, and she was out, having a good time at a very celebrity-driven club, and her own song came on, and so she, kind of, got excited -What happened after that? -Well There was a lot of hot guys, and Marc Anthony was there.
And then one thing led to another, and he invited me to his hotel room.
-JENNY: So, what happened? -Well, we had sexual relations, -and now I'm pregnant.
-You're pregnant? Yeah, I'm three months pregnant.
You're so honest and open about it.
I'm shocked that you It's really all about honesty at this point in our lives.
(TlRES SCREECHlNG) I'm gonna be there to support her, no matter what, and Thank you.
So, did this help heal your relationship, or -Yeah, totally.
-Okay.
I'm kind of speechless.
NATALlE: Maybe (DOORBELL RlNGlNG) -Hi.
I'm Paris Hilton.
-Hi.
NlCOLE: You know, it's a baby coming into this world.
That's a really exciting thing.
She's gonna breastfeed.
That's cool.
NARRA TOR: When Paris learns Nicole is trying to humiliate her by staging an interview, she shows up at the Siegels ' house, ready for a showdown.
I'm Paris Hilton.
-I'm Paris.
-No, you're not.
-ls Nicole here? -Oh, where's Oh, did you leave? -I am Paris.
-Wait a 'Cause I thought Paris is inside.
-No, I just What's going on here, exactly? -I don't know.
There's somebody here from Australian newspaper or something.
What? Are you I'll be right back.
-I'll explain it to you in a minute.
-All right, go, go.
-Who's that? -Paris.
-It's the trip.
We have -What the hell is going on here? What are you doing? PARlS: Nicole, what are you doing? Hi.
This interview's over.
Oh, I don't believe it.
(JENNY LAUGHlNG) I think I'd better leave.
This is too weird for me.
So, who are you? Huh? Who are you? -Who's the real one? -She is.
They faked us.
-I'll be right back.
-Okay.
That's terrible.
How could you do this to me? How could you wear blue fur? -Oh, who are you? -I'm her double.
Her I'm in shock.
I think that's terrible.
Not very good for your body, when you go into shock with these kind of shocking stories.
I'm sorry.
This has got to stop.
-Which one is the look-alike? -This is the real Paris.
-JENNY: They fooled me, too.
-That's what they're telling That This lady told Did you meet my husband? -Nicole, we need to talk.
-So, talk.