The Wonder Years s04e10 Episode Script

What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song I will try not to sing out of key, yeah Oh, baby, I get by By with a little help from my friends All I need is my buddies High with a little help from my friends I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher - Try with a little help from my friends Whoa-oa-oa-oa Oh, oh, oh, oh Somebody who knows quite sure Baby By with a little help from my friends Said I'm gonna make it with my friends Try with a little help from my friends Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying High with a little help from my friends I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby Ooh, ooh, ooh Never before in this campaign was there such an atmosphere of hatred.
Everybody knows politics is a dirty business.
Yet our greatest national heroes have always been politicians.
Maybe there's a reason for that.
Maybe it takes a certain kind of person to get down in the mud and come out with the bricks of statecraft.
After all, in America, they say any kid can grow up to be president.
What they don't say Is how.
In 1970, politics were alive and well at RFK junior high.
Okay, everybody Fan out.
Becky Slater's campaign for student council president had all the earmarks of a political juggernaut manpower, funds Not to mention people who could draw straight.
This is a disgrace.
Paul.
An outrage! The nominations haven't even closed yet, and she's giving out buttons.
Paul, calm down.
An election with just one candidate how could this happen?! Simple.
It's Becky Slater.
Nobody's stupid enough to run against her.
This is a democracy.
We should have a choice.
Shouldn't we? Poor Paul a lone Jeffersonian in a sea of teenage apathy.
Me I was more of a realist.
Paul, it's just a stupid election.
No one really cares who wins.
Well, I refuse to accept that.
I'm not gonna vote for her.
Me neither.
I'm gonna vote for Donald duck.
Very funny.
If you hate it so much, why don't you do something about it? Like what? Like run against her.
Are you nuts? I'd get creamed.
Hey.
You're either part of the solution, or you're part of the problem, right? Whatever that meant.
Okay, then.
Maybe I will do something.
Fine.
After all, if Paul wanted to rage against the system, that was his business.
Me I had other things besides politics to worry about, more important things, like, say Hammering nails into boards.
Hey, what's that? What? Is that a lamp or an ashtray? Uh A lamp.
Actually, it was a towel rack, but why quibble? Looks more like an ashtray to me.
Thanks.
Anytime.
Maybe I wasn't exactly God's gift to wood.
That was okay by me.
Like I said, I was a realist.
Attention, please, for a student announcement.
The following are the nominees for student council president.
Yep, not for me the grandiose dreams of public office.
Rebecca Slater.
After all, some were born to greatness, while others And Kevin Arnold.
Had just been sold down the river by their best friends.
You! Are you crazy! Now, Kev, look - -how could you do this to me? Easy I just walked into the administration office and signed your yeah, well, walk back and unsign me.
I can't do that.
The nominations have already been announced.
All right, then I'll do it myself! Look, Kev, you're gonna miss the bus.
Let's just talk about this first.
All right, so talk.
Kev, I've given it a lot of thought, and I think you could be a really good student council president.
- Yeah, right.
- Come on! I mean, you're a regular guy honorable, ethical, responsible.
Just think about it.
It was the heartfelt support of an old and dear friend.
So, of course, there was only one possible response.
Paul, get off it, huh? Oh, come on! Give me one good reason not to run.
Clearly, it was time to instruct the guy in the basics of 9th-grade political philosophy.
Because I'd make a complete fool out of myself, and I'd be the laughingstock of the school, okay? Okay, then, if that's the way you feel - That's the way I feel.
- Okay, then.
And that was that.
Kevin, you didn't tell me you're running for election.
Hey, I just mentioned it.
Yeah, well, forget it.
I'm resigning tomorrow.
Oh.
That's too bad.
I think you'd make a wonderful student council president.
Look, Winnie well, why not? We believe in you.
That's what I've been telling him.
Great.
The support of a trusted friend wasn't bad enough.
Now I had the love of a good woman to go with it.
This was getting intolerable.
Once and for all, it's a bad idea.
I mean, give me one good reason why I should put myself through something like that.
Kevin? Uh, Becky I just came over to offer my congratulations.
Well, actually I must say, I'm looking forward to running against you.
You are? This is gonna be fun.
What do you mean by that? I'm gonna chop you up into little pieces, Kevin.
I'm gonna destroy you.
Huh? Think of it this way.
I always knew you were a loser.
Now everybody else will, too.
Good luck.
And right then, I had my first taste of what motivates all really successful politicians revenge.
What would I have to do? Leave everything to me.
I'll organize a campaign meeting.
Isn't this exciting? We'll get the best minds in school behind you.
Oh! Ugh! Why Oh! [ Indistinct speaking on television .]
[ Laughter .]
These are the best minds in junior high school? Hey, it was short notice.
Besides, these guys are absolutely loyal.
Made you wonder if Millard Fillmore started out this way.
Well, well, well.
Who do we have here losers anonymous? Hey, that was my favorite part.
Never mind.
Let's call this meeting to order.
We're here to elect Kevin Arnold as student council president.
Any suggestions? And it was time for the brain trust to spring into action.
Wait a minute.
I got it.
How about "Vote for a scrote"? [ Laughing .]
Wayne, get out.
Nothing like your basic grass-roots support.
Hey, Kev? Do you have any more potato chips upstairs? Yeah, how about a couple more sodas, too? And could you grab some ring dings while you're up? Okay, I've heard enough.
This meeting is officially over.
Hey, it was just an idea.
Yeah, look, if you don't want our help I heard they had fried chicken at Becky's meeting.
And it might have all ended right there, except Wait.
Guys, take a look at this.
That's when it happened.
It's simple, direct, and to the point, but I think it might work.
It was beautiful a four-color, Roman-faced testament to hope and service and nobility.
Plus, it was the first time I had ever seen my name on anything bigger than a report card.
Wow.
And in that moment, I did what every politician since time began has done.
I believed my own press.
Cool.
Kevin Arnold for president.
Take a button.
Hi.
Kevin Arnold.
How you doing? Kevin Arnold.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Kevin Arnold.
Hope to get your vote.
So began my campaign for student council president.
Anybody want a button? Fact is, it was fun, getting out and pressing the flesh.
Not that there was a lot of flesh interested in being pressed.
Excuse me would you like to meet Kevin Arnold, candidate for president? Hey.
Nice to meet you, Kevin.
No, no, I meant over there.
Oh, yeah.
Hi.
I'm running for president.
Far out.
What are you gonna do if you win? Hmm.
Hadn't had time to consider that.
I have a few ideas.
Great! Like what? So, I tried to put myself in his shoes.
How would he like his life to be better? Well I've always thought we should have a student suggestion box.
Now, there's an idea.
Wow! Yeah.
And the wax they use on the floor? It shouldn't be so slippery.
A-and we should have better locks on our lockers.
And, uh The lunches should be longer, and the periods should be shorter.
And we should have less homework and better food in the cafeteria and nicer teachers.
And, suddenly, the ideas were just pouring out of me Almost as if I'd been born for this.
And a new scoreboard.
Yep, maybe Paul had been right.
Maybe I was the best man for the job.
Maybe I could actually win this race with ideas, concepts, forward-looking thoughtfulness.
And vending machines with better stuff in them.
[ Crunching .]
Cuter teachers, and they should be nicer, and Cool.
Free food! Vote for Becky! Treats for Becky! Becky's your friend! It was then that I learned my first lesson on the campaign trail.
Ideas and concepts are nothing compared to freshly baked Rice Krispie treats.
[ Munching .]
By the end of the week, one thing was clear in the great dark-horse campaign of 1970, my horse was running dead last.
Not that we didn't try anything to get them to notice us.
It's just, while we were trying [ Indistinct conversations .]
They were noticing something else.
Give me a "b"! Give me an "e"! Give me a c-k-y! What do you get? Becky Slater! We'd been out-manned, outgunned, out-cheerleadered Out-slatered.
Not that we were ready to throw in the towel.
That's it.
I give up.
What? He's right.
She's got better posters than us, better volunteers than us Better snacks than us.
So? We're not doing so badly.
Considering.
Considering what? II just think we have to be patient.
That's all.
Sooner or later, people will start to notice us.
Excuse me.
You're Kevin Arnold, aren't you? The one who's running for student council? Yeah Kind of.
Well, I just want you to know you left these on the bus.
Okay, so Rome wasn't built in a day.
I still think you're the right man for the job.
Paul, please, don't give me that.
There's no way we're gonna win this thing! Facts were facts.
It was time to face the truth, take my medicine like a man.
Kevin? And the doctor was in.
I just dropped over to see how things were going.
Well I'll handle this.
For your information, Becky, our campaign is going quite well.
Really? That's odd.
I didn't realize Kevin was still in the race.
Look Hey, we're doing okay! Guys Maybe you'd like me to throw some votes your way Just to make it exciting.
He doesn't need your votes, thank you very much.
Well, don't say I didn't offer.
And that was that.
It was hopeless.
This race was over.
[ Laughter .]
Except Maybe it wasn't.
[ School bell rings .]
All right, everyone, take your seats, please.
Okay, maybe I felt a little guilty about what had happened But not much.
Today, we continue our survey of the hundred years' war.
Besides, maybe now we could get down to a real campaign based on real issues, real ideas.
[ Laughter .]
[ "Respect" playing .]
What you want Baby, I got And so began the great grudge match of 1970.
Over the next few days, no trick was too cheap Just a little bit Hey, baby No insult too outrageous.
Just a little bit Pretty soon, though, things started to get Personal.
And as sabotage led to reprisal I came to understand the true meaning of politics in America.
It wasn't about winning an election.
Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me It was about destroying your opponent.
Just a little bit A little respect Just a little bit I get tired Stink bombs? For tomorrow at the campaign speeches.
What are you gonna do with stink bombs? Simple.
When Becky gets up to speak, we set those babies off.
Kapowee! As for my brain trust They'd finally found their calling.
You guys are out of your minds, you know that? Hey, be careful! Look, you don't need this kind of help to win.
What you need is a good speech.
Have you written one yet? Well Fact is, I'd been a little too preoccupied with form to worry about substance.
I'm working on it.
Write the speech, Kev.
Don't worry.
I will.
Except, as it happens You won't need to.
Why write your own When you can have Becky's? See, Amy Broadwell copied it from Becky's notebook, and, you know, since you speak first, I figured here's your chance to steal her fire.
And there it was, the essence of politics morally reprehensible And a guaranteed winner.
Wait a minute.
Amy Broadwell gave this to you just like that? Well, I had to promise her a little something you know, for after the election.
Well, what kind of something? Hall monitor.
We got to talk! [ School bell rings .]
Guess I knew what he was gonna say.
You're not actually gonna use that speech, are you? Well Good.
I knew I could count on you.
That's why I nominated you in the first place.
Do I make myself clear? [ Sighs .]
Sure.
And there you had it.
Paul, as usual, was right.
On the other hand What did Paul know about it? On the other hand, it was up to me to do the right thing.
[ Sighs .]
On the other hand, in politics, who's to say what's right and what's wrong? There was no turning back.
Not anymore.
[ Feedback whines .]
Welcome, everyone, to the student council "meet the candidates" assembly.
And so, after three weeks of virtual war, it had come down to this.
Today, we'll be hearing the views of our two nominees.
Remember, this is your opportunity to weigh the issues before you make your final decision.
Maybe I should have been nervous, but I wasn't.
After all, I had victory in the palm of my hand Becky's speech, my ace-in-the-hole.
So, you're really gonna do it.
Hey, mind your own business, all right? If you say so.
And now, to introduce our first candidate, his campaign manager, Paul Pfeiffer.
[ Applause .]
Mr.
holier-than-thou.
Who cared what he thought? What was he gonna do about it? Except, of course, bust me in public.
[ Clears throat .]
Students, faculty Let me tell you about Kevin Arnold.
Here it came.
He might not be the most popular kid in school Not the smartest or the most athletic But he's honest And true.
He's every man the kid without a name who sits behind you in class, the guy down the lunch line who hates green beans, too.
The funny thing is, even though the was standing in front of hundreds of kids, I knew he was talking to me.
Kevin Arnold is someone who you can count on to do the right thing.
Kevin Arnold Someone who I believe in.
[ Cheers and applause .]
Good luck.
As I stood at that podium, a lot of things raced through my mind, things like what it takes to win And what it feels like to lose.
But as I looked at that speech, I realized what I had become someone I hardly even knew.
And I knew what I had to do.
[ Clears throat .]
Students Faculty I hereby resign from the race.
[ All murmuring .]
Guess it kind of took everybody by surprise Paul Becky And, unfortunately, Doug Porter.
[ Glass shatters .]
Stink bomb! [ All screaming .]
Which only proved what I'd known all along.
Simply stated Politics stinks.
Like all campaigns, it's hard-fought, and I know how hard it is for the candidate to lose, and it's very hard for his family.
Uh, I think they will come out, however, stronger men as a result of the loss, if they just don't let the loss get them down.
I never regretted running for president of the student council Or the three weeks of detention that followed.
In fact, in many ways, I was a better man for it Even though I lost to a duck.
In any event, it was time to leave politics to the politicians, let the ship of state sail on.
At least they wouldn't have Kevin Arnold to kick around anymore.