Wilfred s04e10 Episode Script

Whatever.
So long, girl next door.
Mom.
What are you doing here? Oh, Kristen said you were blue, so Mommy's come to make it all better.
I-I appreciate your concern, but I-I just want to be alone.
No, you want to be with Wilfred.
You know, some people believe that animals choose us.
They come into our lives when we desperately need them, and they help us find our way to happiness.
And when they die, they're not really gone.
They just move on to someone else.
Where did you hear that? I don't know.
It's-it's just a silly idea.
I don't I don't believe it anymore.
Anymore? Maybe you do need some alone time.
I'm gonna let you grieve in peace.
Did you ever find my baby pictures? Oh, shoot, I forgot to look for them.
I'll-I'll I'll go do that right now.
You don't have any.
That's why I've never seen them.
Why are you lying? Lying? Oh, honestly, Ryan.
I know about The Flock of the Grey Shepherd.
There was a time when your father and I were very happy together.
So, what happened? Kristen.
I mean, it's not her fault, but now we had a family, and he felt like he needed to grow his practice, and he needed me to be a lawyer's wife.
I tried, but I never fit in.
Henry and I started to fight.
I was so miserable, I just wanted out.
So you joined a cult? It wasn't a cult, at least at least not at first.
When I met Charles, he was just this amazing man who listened to me.
He said he could help me find unimaginable happiness.
And I wanted that so badly.
So I took Kristen, and we joined Charles' community.
We were there for three years.
Three years? But how did you and Dad have me? Dad isn't my father.
Jesus, Mom! I was in love.
I made a mistake.
I-I-I'm crazy! We all know this! Charles started to have revelations.
He said ancient gods spoke to him.
He said a dog god would appear to a Chosen One and would then lead him to happiness, and then, that Chosen One would be a prophet.
He started having these bizarre fertility rituals.
We were all drunk on mescal and dandelion wine.
He called them "feasts of carnality.
" And then, when you were born, Charles said you were the one we'd been waiting for.
The Chosen One.
He said you needed to be protected, and he even started to restrict my access to you.
I was scared.
He wouldn't let us go.
I wrote to Henry.
He went to the police, and Charles was arrested.
The community was abandoned, and Henry he insisted on adopting you.
He even agreed to represent Charles on his tax evasion charges if he'd renounce all parental claims to you.
Charles died in prison.
Henry never wanted you to know about him.
He forgave me, but I couldn't forgive myself.
I had to go.
Am I boring you? What? Um no.
Uh I need to lie down.
Do you hate me? Of course not, Mom.
I'm just glad I know the truth.
Every mother thinks her son is special but you really are.
Even though you're not a prophet.
Hey, Ryan.
Wilfred? Over here, mate.
You look like shit.
We can talk later.
Wait.
How? What? Lights out, Ryan.
Good morning.
Or should I say, good afternoon? That was quite a nap you took.
But you were dead.
I-I thought I'd never see you again.
Yeah, 'cause you thought all that stuff about me being a god was a crock of shit.
Now do you believe? You really are Mataman? Well, I'm not Jesus Christ, and as far as I know, he was the only other dude who managed to pull off a resurrection.
Speaking of god tricks, check this out.
Ah.
Like to see Jesus do that.
So it's true.
I'm the Chosen One.
Which means I'm not crazy.
It's all real! I'm not crazy, Wilf Ah, gross.
I wasn't dead for long, barely enough time to see a few old friends.
Dennis, of course.
I looked around for Jellybeans, but apparently, they already sent him back as a dolphin, which, when you think about it, totally makes sense.
Ryan? So sorry about Wilfred.
Thanks, Margot.
So, you're a ghost? Not exactly.
I'm between host bodies.
I need to move on to my next Chosen One.
His name is Nazeem, which should be, you know, interesting.
Anyway, Nazeem doesn't bottom out till Thursday, so I thought I'd stop by and do a victory lap.
So, you came to bask in the happiness that you brought me and Jenna? Exactly.
Where is she, by the way? Wisconsin with Drew.
Ah-ha.
Good one.
Seriously.
Seriously.
She dumped me.
She can't do that to me! To you? Ryan, it was my godly duty to lead you to happiness.
She's screwed up everything! Don't be so hard on yourself.
I don't think I'm capable of being happy.
Bullshit! I just I just made a miscalculation with Jenna.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
Ah.
All right, okay.
Happiness.
Ryan.
Come on, Mataman, you can do this.
What would make Ryan happy? Got it.
Got what? Ryan, I'm gonna lead you to happiness right now.
Let's go get your car.
We're driving to happiness? We've been driving for hours.
We're close, mate.
Happiness is very, very, very close.
What-What's that? That derisive grunt? What-what does that mean? You're a god, right? Well, I did rise from the dead, yeah.
Well, then, I guess you should know what that means.
It doesn't work that way.
It doesn't work at all.
I mean, if you're a god, why didn't you know the truth about my father? You didn't even know you were a god.
Admit it, you have no idea where we're going.
Yes, I do.
I just can't tell you.
Because you don't know.
Oh, I know! Bullshit! Something's not right.
Ryan, you have to trust me.
If you want me to trust you, why won't you tell me where we're going?! It's called dramatic effect! Seriously?! I've had enough of this shit! Tell me right now-- where are we going? We're here.
I know this place.
Look familiar, mate? Wilfred what's inside? Stop right there.
Turn around then, nice and slow.
Uh my-my car broke down, and my-my cell phone's dead, so I was just looking for a phone.
Sorry about the shotgun.
This far out of town, you can't be too careful.
I understand.
I'll just use your phone and be on my way.
Okay, then.
Come on, Krunny.
Let's give the man some privacy.
Yeah.
Hi, is this the auto club? Yeah, my car broke down on route Hello, Ryan, I always hoped you'd come looking for me.
You know, that was the first baby picture of myself I'd ever seen.
Well, I got a few more I can show you.
That's my mom.
And Kristen.
When I first met her, she was so deeply unhappy.
I wanted to save her.
These were some of the community elders.
The Native American guy-- that's Bill.
Grew the best weed in California.
And, uh, Theo.
He was our historian, took most of the pictures you see in this book.
And Evan-- he was our liaison with the outside world.
Bruce? No, that's Shane.
He always played the evil god in our rituals.
Krungel.
Right.
He always was a troublemaker and he still is.
He's been putting the squeeze on your dad, threatening to tell you all about me if your dad doesn't keep paying him off.
That cat is finally out of the bag.
Who is that guy? That's Richard.
He always played the good god, Mataman.
A real prick.
Nobody liked him.
Very preachy, always telling other people how to live their lives.
That's you and me? When I signed the papers giving up all rights to you, I asked your dad if I could see you one last time.
That's it.
Your dad is a good, good man.
He was killed in a car accident.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know about you until this morning.
My mom said you died in prison.
That's what I wanted Henry to tell her.
I figured if she thought I was dead, she'd really get on with her life.
I didn't want her clinging to some fantasy love affair with some crazy man.
You don't seem crazy.
Son I'm all kinds of nuts.
The only thing that keeps me from bouncing off padded walls is I've discovered the one, true god.
And I take half a dozen pharmaceuticals.
These days the craziest thing I do is talk to my dog.
Does he ever talk back? Not for a long, long time.
And for that, I am grateful.
So The Flock of the Grey Shepherd? I wasn't trying to fool anybody.
I believed all that crazy shit I was saying.
Your mom did me a favor by getting Henry involved.
He saved me from myself.
So I'm not the Chosen One? There is no Chosen One.
There's no dog god.
I just made all that up.
All just the insane creation of a very sick mind.
What Is this your shock collar? Aah! Wilfred, stop.
Goddamn it, Wilfred.
Well? Get away from me.
Okay, you're upset.
You want to tell me why? You're not real.
None of this is real.
That's ridiculous.
Can you hear yourself talking? Just stay the hell away from me.
Well, you can't just leave me here.
Ryan.
Ryan! Ryan.
Wait.
Let's talk about this.
Ryan! Ryan! You little shit.
It took me all night to walk home.
My pads are bloody stumps.
Oh, what, you're gonna ignore me, now? Really? You gonna ignore this? He's not real.
He's not real.
He's not real.
He's not real.
Shit.
Morning, Ryan.
Excuse me, miss? Miss? I-I've been waiting here patiently for about a week now.
I'm here to see Ryan Newman.
I just need five minutes of his time.
Okay, okay, I'll wait.
Ryan.
Please.
Ryan! It's me, Wilfred! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan? Sorry.
You were saying? Things are going really well for me at the clinic.
It's weird, I spent years bringing babies into this world and I was miserable, and now that I'm doing you know, the opposite, it's really fulfilling.
That is weird.
What I'm saying is, I know how tough it is to be a single mom.
And even though I'm great at it, it's not the right choice for everyone.
I'm helping these women at the most difficult time in their lives.
Well, that does sound rewarding.
It is.
These women need me.
Because, you know, not everybody is lucky enough to have a brother like you to help them get their shit together.
Thank you.
I'm glad you're happy.
I wish you were.
I'm okay.
Yeah? I mean, I'm not unhappy.
I'm just normal.
That's not good enough, Ryan.
Everybody deserves happiness.
What would make you happy? Excuse me.
Where are you going? Wilfred? Wilfred.
I miss you, Wilfred.
Without you, my life is so ordinary and flat and dull.
I need to know that you're still here.
Please, just give me a sign to let me know that Oh, God.
Wilfred.
That'd be right, blame the dog.
Oh, thank God.
Ever since you've been gone I-I feel like I've been holding my breath.
Well, if that trouser cough is any indication, I can understand why.
You know that's all you, right? I do now.
Wilfred, I want you to stay, but we can't go back to the way things were.
You mean, I tell you the right thing to do, you ignore me, so I make your life a living hell until you have no choice but to do the thing I told you to do in the first place? Basically, yeah.
Maybe you could pay attention to the wisdom your best mate has to offer.
Okay.
And maybe, sometimes, if I need you to lay low More nap time for me, I'm not gonna argue with that.
Man, I'm busting for a piss.
I haven't had a walk for, like, five weeks.
Would you mind if Okay.
Let me grab a sweatshirt.
Grab your sweatshirt, yeah.
Huh.
So, where do you go when you're not around? I just hang out in your head.
You know, sometimes I'll check out your hippocampus, see what I can find.
Uh, for example, I just across that incident when you walked in on your Uncle Larry.
Yikes.
What incident? You know, when you were six and you walked in and he turned around, but it was too late because he was already there.
Already where? There.
Oh, shit.
You repressed that.
My bad.
Whoops.
Wait, what are you talking about? Oh, nothing, I just made all that up.
Oh, God.
Sorry, mate, I can't put that one back where I found it.
Ugh So my iPod wasn't stolen? Nope, nope.
You set it down on the men's room counter at The Bungalow when you were washing your hands and you just forgot about it.
I-I just left it there? I don't remember doing that.
You may not remember it, but that's what happened.
Trust me.
It's all in there.
Huh.
Who did I loan my Polanski box set to? Jamie Fowler.
Jamie Fowler.
Of course.
What's that? I think that's a question you can answer for yourself.