Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (2015) s04e11 Episode Script

1 So that was quite a night of babysitting at Darryl's.
Yeah, it was.
And I got to say, having sex with you while sober? Delightful.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's get this over with.
What are we doing, and what do we think this is? I am actually glad you mention that, because I think that since I'm in recovery and you're in treatment, we should really Take it slow? I was gonna say that right off the bat, but I wanted to take it slow.
And I appreciate that.
Sorry.
And I appreciate that.
- Okay.
- Oh, wait.
- Should we be kissing in public? - Oh.
No, you're right.
Let me think.
Is that wise? But the more important question is: Do I care? Truly don't care.
Ugh.
Leonard, can you believe this? Look at that guy.
We were gym buddies, and then I was busy being a nice person, and then he jumped in there.
And I mean in there.
Literally.
Dude, you got to stop doing this to yourself.
You're turning into a jilted broken record.
Like her.
Girl, get out from behind that plant.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Maya has been down here every day shooting eye daggers at that girl.
Which girl? Joanne.
Pixie cut.
Coral top that I bought for her.
She works on the second floor of that insurance agency.
We went out for two amazing weeks, and then she ghosted me.
Next thing you know, she's all over that hair chewer over there.
"Hi.
I'm Marcy, and I chew my hair, and I make this face.
" "I'm Marcy.
" Look at them.
Sitting there just laughing and laughing and laughing.
Oh.
Greg and Rebecca are also laughing and laughing.
I didn't know it was so serious.
What a bummer, dude.
Sorry.
I can't believe that she's with him.
It's killing me, George.
I feel so rejected and low-status.
I don't like this.
It hurts.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
I have to do something, George.
- Like what? - I don't know.
Something big and-and emotional and romantic and fun.
Romantic and fun? You guys talking about romantic comedies? You looking for one to watch? I'm an expert.
- Uh - Okay.
To make your selection a little easier, here are your genres.
You have your witty British ones, your workplace empowerment movies, your bro-y ones where men wax things and live on boats - Eh.
- And my personal favorite, the late-middle-aged fantasies where all the women wear white cashmere turtlenecks and have fantastic kitchens.
Huh.
I don't think I've seen any of those.
You've never seen any romantic comedies? They're not for me.
I know Rebecca likes them.
Oh, "likes them"? Uh, she loves them.
Yeah.
Especially the ones with some kind of powerless, nerdy underdog with a wacky best friend who feels invisible but then comes up with a scheme.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And then the underdog makes a big, grand gesture and wins the person of their dreams.
Huh.
Interesting.
I don't know what to do.
I'm just ugly, nerdy and hopelessly in love.
Right there with you, girl.
Don't worry.
It's all gonna end up okay.
You'll get the guy.
That's what always happens.
It always works out.
Oh, I look awful.
I'm atrocious.
Oh, man, I'm a - I'm a dork.
- Hey.
You dumb, ugly, hopelessly-in-love nerd.
- We're late for work.
- George.
- You're my best friend, right? - Hey.
Course I am.
I'm your best friend who loves sports, and I'm unreasonably cocky for such a slight man.
Right.
Of course you are.
You are you, and I am this.
Oh, we're doing it.
This is amazing.
All right, let's get going.
Come on.
Hot diggity.
Basketball! Okay, we're at work.
What do we do now? Hey, guys, good morning.
Ooh, Nathaniel, looking especially ugly today.
That's right, I'm the ugly underdog.
Listen up, guys.
- He's here.
- Oh! - Who's here? - Everybody, lace up your bootstraps.
Oh, exciting.
- You're here early, sir.
- My acupuncturist canceled.
Said something about a death in the family.
He is fired, of course.
Uh, we're working on the Schiller case, and the Hellermen clients will be here at 2:00.
Did you inform them that we don't do business with people who wear cheap suits? If they show up in off-the-rack again, they are fired.
Where's my coffee? I want it scalding.
Where's the Canadian? Here I am, sir, at your ready! I want the sixth Girl with the Dragon Tattoo book.
There's only five of those books, sir.
Yes, and the author is dead.
Oh, please send my condolences.
I still want it.
Get it.
Everyone.
The big presentation with the big client is in 48 hours.
- Big client? - Our entire reputation is at stake.
I need two people on this.
Nathaniel.
You'll be point.
Maya.
- You assist.
- Yes, sir.
Tim, do you have the book? - Uh, uh - Sir, you just asked him.
I'm so glad redheads are dying out.
I want it now.
I'll be in my office.
I'm sorry.
You take this folder.
I'll take this folder.
Oh, George, this makes sense.
Bert is being an egregiously mean boss.
There's some sort of vague presentation.
All I got to do is figure out the plot, the scheme, the bet, the gimmick, and what's the big event with the ticking clock where I can make my big, grand gesture? Guys, guess what.
I got some sizzlin' hot goss.
Greg Serrano's reopening his dad's old restaurant in two days.
He is? He just had that idea.
I mean, zoning alone would take at least three months.
Yeah.
I don't know about that stuff, but rumor is Greg's gonna ask Rebecca a big question A really big question At the grand reopening soiree, to which we're all invited.
The whole firm.
Oh, George.
This is it.
It's the ideal setting for our grand gesture.
Now all we got to do is figure out our scheme.
Let's go down, see Rebecca and see what our next move is.
That's fine with me.
Only thing I care about in this world: sports, your love life.
Now let's go see the girl you want to get.
- Let's do it! - Football! She's unrealistically gorgeous.
- And he looks like a total douche.
- Yeah.
This tracks.
- What? - What? God.
I hate that guy as if I had a personal beef with him.
Babe, stop distracting me.
I got to get back to work.
What? Why do you work in this dump, anyway? - Because I own it, silly.
- Yeah? Well, I own you.
Oh.
Oh.
Look.
It's our quirky but cute coworker who could be a stunner if she tried harder.
- Hey, Maya! - Oh, no.
My legal books.
Oh, what, because you're a man, you think I need your help carrying my books? I'll have you know that women way smaller than me have been picking up books way larger than these for decades.
Decades.
And FYI, I have opinions and a brain.
I know that makes me hard to love.
That's why Joanne chose that simp.
You heard me.
Simp.
Maya? Why are you slinking around the lobby? Yeah.
Nathaniel? What are you doing down here? And why are you with Maya? I mean, God, you guys have nothing in common.
Seeing the two of them together, - it's just, like, ridiculous.
- Yeah.
Anyway Wait a second.
I have an idea.
Just follow my lead, okay? What? That's right.
We're dating.
Jealous? Oh, and we're off.
I just can't believe it.
What was that back there? I mean, who do you think you are? You can't just grab me and kiss me.
What if I did that to you? I am an opinionated woman, and I have to call out - the lack of verbal consent.
- Yeah.
I-I know.
And I-I'm sorry, but I have a good idea.
It's a solid scheme, and it'll work.
If we pretend to be together, Rebecca will realize she wants me back.
And what's in it for me? Joanne.
- Huh.
- I'm sorry.
I have to go.
I'm off to Sweden to talk to the estate of Stieg Larsson to see if there's an unpublished manuscript somewhere, or my head's on the chopping block.
No, Dad, I-I can't come to Mom's 70th birthday party.
I'm off to Sweden.
I've been asked to choose between my relationships and my career, and I choose my career.
So, Maya, are you in? I mean, it goes against all of my principles, of which there are many, but it just might work.
- What do we do next? - Well, I'm not totally sure.
I think we'll find out in a few seconds, though.
That seems to be the pattern.
Guys, where have you been? What are you doing? Bert is all wound up.
He says you're supposed to be working on the big presentation for the big client.
So why aren't you doing it? Why do you care so much? Because it's big.
Now, get to work.
You know what, Paula is right.
We should focus on this big presentation.
No, no, no.
We need to work on our scheme.
We haven't even opened the file.
We don't even know who the client is.
Oh, who cares about the client? Do you want to work, or do you want to fall in love? My dead mother always told me that I could do both.
Okay, sure.
But right now we need to do something big to get Rebecca and Joanne's attention.
But how? How do we do that? How are we ever gonna get them in the same room together so we can flaunt our fake love? Who's coming to building karaoke? That's right.
I said "building.
" The company that owns our building is having a karaoke night and inviting MountainTop and the insurance company from floor two and everyone from Rebetzel's, obviously.
Whoa.
Wait, building karaoke? That's perfect.
That's where we can flaunt our love, with a sexy love duet that'll make Rebecca and Joanne seethe with jealousy.
- Jim, when is it? - Well, even though a party like that might take a while to plan and execute, it's tonight! Tonight? Oh, this is it, Maya.
This is how we win them back.
There's just one problem.
We're uggos.
We're trag'.
We're-we're before pictures.
- We're basically invisible.
- Wait.
What? Excuse me? Wh - We need makeovers.
- Speak for yourself.
I like my sensible and quirky clothing which expresses my individuality and feisty progressiveness.
Maya, this is going to work.
Trust me.
Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey Hey Hey Thank God they got their acts together.
They're hideous, truly.
They don't have time to be doing this.
They have that big presentation that I am very invested in without being directly involved.
Preach, girl.
I hear you.
But I am here right now because I want to see these two young people who are trying to make two other young people jealous in some new outfits.
Bound for trouble They won't be finding any signs of struggle I can't resist, so don't you burst my bubble I'm feeling things I never felt You got me under your spell I like the way you do what you do I like the way You do what you do I didn't recognize you.
I know.
I-I don't know what happened in there.
I don't remember taking a shower.
And my contacts were definitely not in that little room, but they're in my eyes now.
Whatever.
You are gorgeous.
Where's Maya? Oh Maybe we could get a little comfortable Maybe you could show me Everything you know I like the way you do what you do.
What happened to your glasses? Oh, yeah, I took 'em off.
They're not prescription anyways.
I wear them to honor Velma from Scooby-Doo.
She's everything.
Maya, you look wow.
You really think so? Oh, wait a minute.
Something weird is going on.
There's no time to worry about it.
We've lost track of time.
Because building karaoke is right now! Yes, you can't miss your chance to make Rebecca jealous, which will then set the table for your grand romantic gesture later.
Football.
Oh, my God, yes.
Let's go.
And then after, really, can we please get back to the big presentation? You promise? I beg you.
My God! Paula, you need to calm down.
We can't go to karaoke.
We haven't had time to practice a song.
It doesn't matter! We've got to go.
Come on, gorgeous people.
Go, go, go! Booyah! Oh, oh Oh Hey, guys! Welcome to building karaoke! I'm the good-looking party guy who dances super well.
You guys ready to party?! Hey, babe, thank you so much for coming to this.
Aw, shut up.
You look hot.
Babe, you're so funny.
Yeah.
It's true.
And so I said, "I'm Marcy.
" Babe, I love your laugh.
Others might find it grating, but not me.
Aw, honey.
There she is.
You ready? - Yeah.
- Okay.
Oh.
- Where should we sit, huh? - I don't know.
Um, we-we could sit over at the bar.
Perfect.
Mwah.
Oh.
Nathaniel wasn't lying.
He's got a new squeeze.
Yeah.
Guess so.
Just didn't think Maya was his type.
What, you jealous, babe? What, me? No, of course not.
I mean, um, er, um, no, of course not.
Good, because, if you were jealous, we'd have a problem.
Babe, you're so funny.
So, who's up next? Any duets? Huh? Any young lovers looking to grind it out up here? - You ready? - Okay.
We've got nothing to lose.
Except everything.
- Let's do this.
- Okay.
Hey, we'll go.
My girlfriend and I.
Yeah! Nathaniel and Maya! Get up here! Let's hear it for 'em! Huh? Yeah! - Okay.
- All right.
Um, hello um, West Covina.
This next song goes out to anyone and everyone who's ever been in love, like me.
And me.
With her.
All right.
Let's see what you got.
Hit it, lovebirds.
Make it quick! You're so funny.
I usually hate singing in public Yeah, I can't believe I'm holding a mic Relatably We're both off-key But it's the part of the film That everyone likes It's our gratuitous Karaoke moment We sound really bad, but look, we're starting to sway Gratuitous karaoke moment Ooh, how 'bout we flirt in a performative way The camerawork gets better As we get into the swing It makes no sense But we're gaining confidence As if it's at all necessary that we sing In this gratuitous karaoke moment Our chemistry gets better with every chord Gratuitous karaoke moment The crowd was annoyed But now They're getting on board And then there's a section Where the song gets quiet And you hear all the glasses clinking In the room We take each other in And forget where we are Until we awkwardly remember That we're onstage at a bar Oh, right.
Oh, right.
In a gratuitous karaoke moment Somehow we are both doing this move Gratuitous karaoke moment Sadly, the film does not improve after this Gratuitous karaoke moment In ten years, you realize this scene doesn't hold up But you'll still sing this song at karaoke And no one will care, 'cause no one actually likes Watching other people sing.
Wow.
Hey, babe, let's get out of here.
Why? - Something wrong, babe? - No.
I just want to be alone with you.
Take me on your boat.
Oh, right, my boat.
The one that's called The Greg.
Exactly.
I have to get up early tomorrow.
Can you stay the night at your place tonight? Okay.
I'm Marcy.
Where'd she go? What happened? - Where are they? - Did it work? I mean, are they jealous or Is-is she gonna want me back now? Oh, mm-hmm.
No.
No.
No.
No.
You fail.
Good-bye.
Sir, I have been making calls.
I have reached out to everyone that I could think of.
I even went to Sweden.
It is freezing there.
It's dark all the time.
And I could not get the book.
But I can secure a very nice first edition of Goodnight Moon.
Goodnight Moon? Good night, Tim.
Dad, I'm sorry I missed your operation.
I'm coming home.
It didn't work.
Rebecca and Joanne walked out.
But we don't know why they left.
Maybe they left because they were so jealous.
Well, did she call you? Did she say she's made a big mistake and run into your arms? - No, but - Well, neither did Joanne.
- I can't do this anymore.
- No.
You can't quit, Maya.
We can do this.
I can't take this anymore.
This isn't the kind of girl I am.
I have dreams.
My dead mom, before she died, told my single dad that I should pursue my dreams.
I'm a visual artist.
I make found object collages.
I use driftwood and plastic cutlery and doll parts, but you don't get it, because you don't get me! Art? Why are you talking about your stupid art? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
- I just I just - Yes, you did.
Maya? She was so mad at me.
That's okay, though, right? Who cares what Maya thinks? You're not actually in love with Maya.
You're in love with Rebecca.
I know that.
You don't think I know that? I'm just so glad I don't have to spend time with her anymore.
With her strong opinions and her weird art and her sad mom backstory.
What?! You're not making any sense anymore.
Also, you do still have to spend time with her.
You guys have to finish the big presentation together.
And move into tree pose at your own pace.
Bert definitely said both of you or nothing.
I can't do it, George.
I can't be around Maya.
None of this is going according to plan.
What plan? I don't know.
I don't know what happens next.
I only watched the first hour of those dumb movies, and then the tone changes, and it gets kind of serious, and it rains.
Okay, Nathaniel let's do this and be done with it and not talk about anything else.
Fine with me.
We put this off long enough.
- Oh, my God.
- What? Look who the client is for the big case.
Joanne's insurance company? Joanne is the client? That is gonna suck.
I really don't want to see her.
Yeah, you do.
You do want to see her.
Wait a minute.
I have an idea.
- Another one? - Yeah.
Instead of me presenting the argument for the big client, you'll do it.
And you'll be so smart, so persuasive and look so gorgeous that she'll drop Marcy like a hot rock.
This is your grand gesture.
You get one, too.
Whoa.
That could work.
And wait.
I have an idea, too.
It goes with your idea.
If you help me with the presentation, I'll help you with the speech you'll give at the grand opening of Greg's restaurant, which we heard about before, but then we kind of forgot about it.
Oh, yeah, it's still happening.
He said Greg is gonna ask Rebecca some kind of a big question.
That means a proposal.
But before that happens, you will stand up and give the most amazing speech, telling Rebecca how you feel.
That's a great idea.
Come on, we can do this.
We don't have a lot of time left, though.
I know.
The big presentation is tomorrow afternoon.
And the Serrano's opening is tomorrow night.
We got to get to work.
Come on.
All right.
No one's done the, uh I saw the billing codes in here somewhere, - and I can't find them.
- Page 39.
Thank you.
And I'm just gonna cross actually just cross this out.
Do, do-do-do, do Okay, and relax.
Here, have some coffee.
And then carry the four.
Do, do-do-do, do-do Then we have Rebecca.
- Yes.
- Who likes pretzels? - Yeah, I like pretzels.
- You like pretzels.
Yes! - Abatement of nuisance.
Is that Marcy? - Yes! I never had a real Mom.
- Yeah.
- Just a dead mom.
- What? - We have to do these! - No, no.
I never do them.
- It's a tradition.
- Oh.
We got the same fortune.
- Oh, my God! That's the right move.
"Can I speak to a manager?" Then she said, "I am the manager.
" - Oh, that's the worst.
- I was so embarrassed.
Oh, God.
Said, "I don't want to be your dog anymore.
" Let it out.
Let it out.
Ooh, that'll work.
Absolutely.
Write that down.
Write it down.
Write that down.
Do, do-do, do-do-do.
Let's go, people.
Hustle up.
It's time for the big presentation.
Here you are, sir The sixth book in the series.
It's called The Girl with the Face Full of Fire.
It's about adult cystic acne.
- How did you ? - I was about to give up, but at the last minute, I ran into a Swedish friend who translates the books into English, and he told me that the original author died after writing the first three books, and another writer wrote the next two books, and there is a new manuscript.
And voilà.
Or, as the Swedes like to say, "Varsagod.
" - Hmm.
- Hmm.
- Welcome to MountainTop.
- Thank you.
I'm Paula Proctor.
Hey.
You can do this.
You really think so? I know you can.
Just do it like we practiced.
Okay.
Welcome.
Nice to see you.
Have a seat right there.
Okay, I'd like to hear this big presentation.
Our proposal for your insurance company has four parts to it.
Um, part one Transfer of ownership.
A multi-platform transfer of ownership Tree frogs.
Compliance.
Real estate.
The environment.
And there we come to part four.
Zoning.
Oh, excellent! Thank God.
The big presentation for the big case.
We did it! It's all I cared about, and it happened.
What do I do now? What's my purpose? Wow.
Maya, I had no idea you were so wise and smart and poised.
What a great speech.
Thanks.
I had a little help.
Maybe I never should have let you go.
Really? Would you like to go talk about your proposal more at the wine bar over on Foothill? Um, sure, yeah.
But what about Marcy? That hair chewer? I already dumped that piece of trash.
Texted her while you were talking.
Wow.
Really? That is so sweet.
Let me grab my stuff.
You did it! Because of you.
Oh.
Now, get to that Serrano's opening and win back the girl you love.
The girl I love.
Yeah.
Sure.
You're gonna do great.
You're gonna break up Greg's proposal and have Rebecca in your arms in no time.
Well I'd better go.
Yeah.
No, yeah, you-you should go.
This has been Yeah, yeah.
No, I-I know.
I wish you Yeah.
I just want you to know that I know it.
- Ready, babe? - Yeah.
Hey, guys, uh, could you quiet down for a second? I'd just like to say a little something.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Um What? Please make sure you try the garlic bread We fly it specially in from Brooklyn.
Have a good night.
Salud.
Well, this is it, champ.
You helped Maya get the girl, and it worked, and now it's time for your grand gesture.
Do you think it'll work? I mean, she wasn't even jealous when Maya and I sang karaoke.
What? You got the wrong information.
Thank God I'm here.
Whew! Here's the deal.
I saw Rebecca that night at building karaoke.
She was jealous as hell.
That's why she got out of there.
She was stuttering and stammering, trying to cover that jealousy, but I saw it.
Hmm.
Well, do you think Nathaniel.
Did you hear that? You are there.
You're almost in.
Okay.
So so, when should I give the big speech? Now.
- Now.
Do it now! - Okay, all right.
Uh, hello, everybody.
Um, I'm Nathaniel Plimpton III, and, um I, uh well, I was gonna I was gonna make a speech here tonight, and I had a, uh gesture planned Hence the string quartet Um but, um Huh.
I I don't want to say it anymore.
Not here, anyway.
Um, I'm sorry, I, uh I have to go.
I, uh I have to go.
Come on, guys.
Hockey! That makes me so frustrated.
I know.
Maya.
Nathaniel, what's wrong? I have something to tell you.
- Okay.
- It's you.
It's always been you.
I was a fool.
I couldn't see, but you've been here all along.
- Look - Nathaniel, wait.
Just listen to me.
I'm not the person I used to be.
You've changed my whole life: who I am, who I can be.
Sure, we're an unexpected couple.
You're short, I'm tall.
You're quirky, I'm really not.
I know the world thinks people like us shouldn't be together, that we don't belong together, but we do.
We're that mismatched couple from different worlds that can make it.
We've had such happy moments, you and I, haven't we? Yeah, we have.
What we had was wonderful and fun.
We had chemistry, lots of it.
And I really thought this could be something.
I thought I really loved you.
The sex was amazing.
- What? - Yeah.
Ever since we had our first kiss in the elevator, our chemistry has been We never kissed in the elevator.
We-we never had But I'm back with my ex now.
Someone I have a chance at being truly happy with.
Please, let me be happy.
Happy, happy, happy, happy Please, let me be happy.
Well, I want you to be happy.
I do.
If you really love me, you have to let me go.
Please.
God, really? Yeah.
And deep down, you know it's true.
You need to move on from me.
To another short, quirky girl, or to someone else.
What? No.
No! No! No.
Damn it.
Yeah, who is it? It's your pizza.
Hi.
Uh, gluten-free, dairy-free Yeah, that's me.
You can just put it right there.
- Hey, can I ask you something? - Okay.
She's, um she's happy without me.
How do I let her go? Do you know how I can let her go? Oh.
It's okay.
It's all right.
Okay, I-I should go.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm sorry.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Yeah.
You can stay if you want.
- No.
You feel better.
- All right.
- Hey, Maya.
- Hi.
Listen, you can do better than Joanne.
She doesn't understand good karaoke, and she dumped Marcy during a meeting.
- What? - Also, you look great in magenta dresses.
Not approp', dude.
Don't do that.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, I have something I want to tell you.
Oh, good.
I, uh I actually have something to tell you, too.
- Oh.
- Can I go first, actually? - Yeah.
- Okay, um Greg and I are You're together.
I know.
Oh I'm sorry.
No, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay.
You're happy.
I know that now.
I learned that.
When did you learn that? Well, I had this weird fantasy daydream thing.
It's hard to explain, but it's like I I imagined myself in a in a recognizable pop-culture genre.
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
It's like I was trying out a persona to try and figure out something in my life.
- Go on.
- Well, while I was doing that, I-I realized something that I hadn't realized before, and I-I learned something from it.
Yeah, I can relate.
- You can? - Yeah.
Huh.
So, what did you learn? Something I really didn't want to know.
I got to let you go.
Because you're happy, right? You're happy with Greg? I mean I-I don't know.
I'm not there yet, but I could possibly be, yeah.
Well, he's a good guy.
He really is.
He's a great guy.
He's not some jerk who wears blazers and a sweater, or sometimes two sweaters.
Yeah, I mean, it's California, so that'd be a lot.
Well, I'm-I'm glad you're happy.
I really am.
And it makes me happy, too.
It does.
Wow.
Thank you.
- I got to get back to work now, so - So do I.
- I'll see you.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I stopped by to say hi.
I missed you.
What? We just hung out like an hour ago.
Well, exactly.
- Hey.
- Hmm? You want to kiss in public? Absolutely.
Get my steak ready, Emily Blunt.