Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s04e11 Episode Script

1
BRRRRRR, YEAH!
WHY DOES KEVIN TAUNT US SO?
MAYBE HE'S PLAYING TIDDLYWINKS!
COULD IT BE HE'S FORGOTTEN?
HE BETTER NOT HAVE, OR I'll
REMIND HIM THE HARD WAY.
CHILL, GUYS. HE'LL SHOW UP.
[RUMBLING]
OH!
All: JAWBREAKERS!
[KIDS CHEERING]
MY DAD SAYS THE
INVENTORY'S GOTTA GO.
SAME DRILL AS LAST YEAR,
DUDES AND DUDETTES.
Nazz: AWESOME, KEV!
[CHEERING]
LEAVE SOME FOR ME, YOU PIGGIES!
Eddy: HURRY! QUICK!
MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!
Rolf: OUT OF ROLF'S WAY!
I'M SET FOR LIFE!
Jonny: YOU AIN'T JUS
WHISTLIN' DIXIE, SISTER!
Ed: JAWBREAKERS, EDDY!
OUT OF MY WAY! I'M SALIVATING!
Edd: GADZOOKS! DO YOU
SEE ANY JAWBREAKERS?
I CERTAINLY DON'T!
Eddy: THEY'RE ALL GONE!
SAY IT AIN'T SO, DOUBLE D!
Edd: I'M AFRAID
WE'RE TOO LATE, EDDY.
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU AREN'T!
OW! AAH!
THIS IS YOUR FAULT. ADMIT IT!
IF YOU DO, I PROMISE
NOT TO LEAVE BRUISES.
Kevin: HEY, YOU
LOVEBIRDS, VAMOOSE!
BABY-SITTING'S OVER,
'CAUSE I JUST SCORED BIG TIME!
LATER.
YOU FORGOT TO
SAY "DORKS," KEVIN!
DID YOU SEE KEVIN'S POCKET?
IT'S BURSTING WITH
CASH, I TELL YA!
LET'S HOPE FOR KEVIN'S SAKE
THOSE STITCHES DON'T TEAR.
WOULDN'T IT BE A SHAME
IF HE WERE TO LOSE
THAT PLENTIFUL PECK OF PENNIES?
YEP.
YEP?
IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO
SAY FOR YOURSELF YEP?
NO RASH, NONSENSICAL QUIP
TO DEFRAUD KEVIN OF HIS FORTUNE?
SCAM KEVIN.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID, RIGHT?
I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU, SOCKHEAD.
HERE'S THE PLAN, BOYS.
[LOW GROWLING]
WHAT?
UH, YOU KNOW.
[LOW GROWLING]
WELL?
[LOW GROWLING]
OK, WHAT?
[WHIMPERING]
BREAKFAST, ANYONE?
EDDY, ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?
THIS BEHAVIOR'S
QUITE UNLIKE YOU.
[COUGHING]
OH, MUST BE THIS
MALARIA, DOUBLE D.
I'M JUST GONNA GO
GRAB ME A LAXATIVE.
UHH!
WAITING FOR THE PLAN HERE, EDDY.
OH, WHAT'S THE USE?
[MUFFLED] I CAN'
THINK OF A SCAM.
Edd: PARDON ME, EDDY,
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.
[MUFFLED] I CAN'
THINK OF A SCAM!
AH!
YOU WERE SAYING?
I CAN'T THINK OF A SCAM!
OH, EDDY, YOU HAVE NOTHING
MORE THAN A MENTAL BLOCK.
DON'T BE ASHAMED OF IT. I
HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US.
NOT TO ME, IT DOESN'T!
DON'T BE SO HARD
ON YOURSELF, EDDY.
I'M SURE YOU'LL THINK
OF SOMETHING IN DUE TIME.
PARDON ME TO HECK, BU
EDDY SHOULD JUST BUY ONE.
INTERESTING.
ED'S SUGGESTION TO
PURCHASE A STAND-IN STRATAGEM
MAY BE A VIABLE ONE, EDDY.
MMM.
[BELL CLATTERING]
EDDY'S STUCK, HASN'T A CLUE.
GIVE US A SCAM,
AND WE'LL PAY YOU!
Jonny: HIYA, GUYS.
WHAT YA DOING?
"YOU THINK IT, WE BUY IT."
Edd: CARE TO SUBMIT AN
IDEA FOR A SCAM, JONNY?
WOW! A SCAM?
I DON'T KNOW.
HOW ABOUT THIS
JONNY AND PLANK'S PENNY DANCE.
A-ONE AND A-TWO
PENNY, PENNY, I SEE A PENNY ♪
GIVE ME YOUR PENNIES ♪
A TAD ECCENTRIC,
DON'T YOU THINK?
I SEE A PENNY,
WHO'S GOT A PENNY? ♪
WHOO-EEE! THAT SMARTS!
[BOTH GIGGLING]
Jimmy: AAH!
I'VE SEEN BETTER DAYS, DOUBLE D.
I'M TAPPED. DONE FOR.
HELP!
[CRASH]
I'M HIDEOUS! DON'T LOOK AT ME!
JIMMY, WIGGLE YOUR
TOES. IS ED IN THERE?
WHERE DID I GO?
HEY, JIMMY BOY,
SELL ME A SCAM, YOU DOG, YOU!
EXCUSE ME?
GO ON! I PROMISE I WON'T LAUGH.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR NICHE.
HMM.
THIS AIN'T WORKING, DOUBLE D.
HAVE FAITH, EDDY.
AFTER ALL, YOU DID TEACH
HIM EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.
OH, YEAH, I DID.
DIDN'T WE WIN AN EMMY
FOR THAT EPISODE?
HARDLY.
WHAT WOULD I DO IF YOU WERE ME?
MOVE! HA HA HA!
I THINK I HAVE A SCAM
THAT'LL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.
IS THIS KID GOLD OR WHAT?
LEAD THE WAY, EDDY JUNIOR!
I THINK EDDY'S STARTING TO FEEL
BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF, ED.
AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE
BUS DRIVER AWAY, DOUBLE D.
THIS IS IT! BOBBLY-BOBBLY-BOO.
THIS IS THE PERFECT SPO
FOR WHAT I'D LIKE TO CALL
"JIMMY'S SUPER-DUPER
SCAMMY-WHAMMY!"
Jimmy: ED, FROM YOU, I WILL
NEED 10 EXTENSION CORDS.
OOH! OOH!
OH, BOY, I CAN'T WAIT!
EDDY, FROM YOU, I WILL
NEED 10 REFRIGERATORS.
10 REFRIGER WHATS?
YOU MEANT ED, RIGHT?
ALL THAT HEAVY LIFTING
AIN'T MY STYLE, KID.
IS THAT SO?
I GUESS MY SCAM'S JUS
NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
NO, WAIT!
10 REFRIGERATORS,
OK, YOU GOT IT!
I'M ACHING ALREADY.
SO, JIMMY, DO TELL.
WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU PLANNED
FOR THIS LUCRATIVE LURE?
I MEAN, YOU HAVE
THOUGHT THIS THROUGH,
HAVEN'T YOU?
OH, EDDY?
LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL HAVE SOME
HELP WITH THOSE REFRIGERATORS!
HYAH! HYAH! HYAH!
[THUD]
THAT'S ONE.
[RUMBLING]
YOU ASKED FOR IT. 10 FRIDGES!
WHEN DO WE SUCKER THOSE SUCKERS
FOR CASH, JIMMY BOY?
I NOW REQUIRE 100 FENCE BOARDS.
100 FENCE BOARDS?
WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU NEED
Eddy: QUIT BELLYACHING!
Eddy: GO ON, YANK IT!
DO I HAVE TO COME DOWN THERE
AND SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT?
COME ON! PU
SOME MUSCLE INTO IT!
SPLENDID. IT'S ALL
COMING TOGETHER.
NOW ALL WE NEED ARE
THOSE EXTENSION CORDS.
WHAT'S TAKING ED SO LONG?
[CHUCKLING]
OH, ALL RIGHT
ANYTHING TO SEE WHERE THIS
FRIVOLOUS FRACAS LEADS TO.
Jimmy: GENTLEMEN, I'M
READY TO UNVEIL WHAT I CALL.
"JIMMY'S SUPER-DUPER
SCAMMY-WHAMMY."
[GRUNTING]
IT'S TO DIE FOR!
YUMMY!
IS THAT AN ICE POP?
THIS ONE'S "STRAWBERRY GUSH,"
AND THAT'S "BANANA BUMP."
WE'LL BE RICH, EDDY!
REFRESHING AND NUTRITIOUS.
I LIKE THAT. BRAVO, JIMMY!
Eddy: ICE POPS ARE STUPID!
IF YOU THINK I'M PAYING YOU FOR
THIS LAME-O SCAM, YOU'RE WRONG!
I COULD HAVE THOUGH
OF SOMETHING BETTER!
FINE. SUIT YOURSELF.
AND JUST TRY TO THINK
OF SOMETHING BETTER!
HUMPH!
OH, I'll THINK OF
SOMETHING BETTER!
ED, KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO ME.
AND MAKE IT A GOOD ONE.
[SLAMMING]
Eddy: OWW! OOH! OH! OW!
THAT'S IT! I GOT ONE!
I JUST THUNK, DOUBLE D
THE SCAM OF ALL SCAMS!
I'M BACK, BABY.
PERPLEXED BY THE
MYSTERIES OF LIFE?
FOR JUST ONE QUARTER,
YOU, TOO, CAN FIND
OUT YOUR HAT SIZE!
PLEASE PUT YOUR
HEAD IN THIS HOLE, SIR.
YOUR HAT SIZE IS 4.
I AM FULFILLED!
WHAT? THAT'S IT?
YEAH, I'll FORK UP FOR THAT.
HERE YOU GO.
WHOA! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
I MUST HAVE SPEN
ALL MY CASH ON
JIMMY'S RAD ICE POPS. HA HA HA!
SEE YA, DORKS.
[SLURPING]
[JIMMY GIGGLING]
[COINS JINGLING]
WELL, JIMMY CERTAINLY
PROFITED FROM HIS VENTURE.
WE MUST SCAM HIM,
MY GAGGLE OF PALS.
EDDY?
[WHIMPERING]
OK, ED, YOU KNOW THE DRILL.
OUCH! OW!
[BIRD SCREECHING]
Rolf: BEHOLD THE
SHRINE OF EGYPT,
AS FORETOLD BY THE SOOTHSAYER.
WELCOME, TRAVELERS, TO
THE MYSTERIOUS MARVELS
OF THE ANCIENT SPHINX.
MY NAME IS EDDWARD,
EGYPTOLOGIST,
AND I'll BE YOUR GUIDE TODAY.
DID YOU KNOW ANCIEN
EGYPTIANS USED PICTORIAL SYMBOLS
CALLED HIEROGLYPHICS AS
THEIR SYSTEM OF WRITING?
HOW ARTISTIC! WHA
DO THEY SAY, EDDWARD?
WELL, LET'S DECIPHER
IT, SHALL WE?
THIS SYMBOL STANDS FOR
UM, WELL, THIS IS CLEARLY TOAST.
AS FOR THIS, WELL, UM, I'M
NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS.
HO HO! THE ANCIENT ONES HAVE
STUMPED THE KNOW-IT-ALL EDD BOY.
MY STUPID BROTHER
DREW THIS, DIDN'T HE?
OH, LOOK A
MYSTERIOUS PASSAGEWAY!
LET'S STAY CLOSE,
NOW. NO DILLYDALLYING.
Jimmy: OH, MY LEGS!
AS WE ARE ABOUT TO ENTER
THE GREAT CHAMBER
OF THE SARCOPHAGUS!
All: WHOA!
Jimmy: IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
WELCOME, INQUISITIVE TYPES,
TO THE TOMB OF KING
TUCK-YOUR-SHIRT-IN!
ROLF'S PORRIDGE
QUIVERS AT THIS BALONEY!
SARAH, I'M FRIGHTENED!
HIS MUMMIFIED CORPSE IN WAI
HERE LIES FOR US TO UNSEAL.
A MUMMY? THAT'S SO ARCHAIC.
BUT WHAT IF IT'S CURSED?
NOT AT THESE PRICES, KID.
ROLF, PLEASE HOLD
THIS AS I ASSIST EDDY.
OKEY-DOKEY. ROLF IS
HUMBLED BY THIS HOOEY.
[GRUNTING]
AAH!
HEY! HUH?
[FOOTSTEPS]
OH, THERE HE IS.
KING TUCK-HIS-SHIRT-IN,
WE'VE BEEN WAITING.
JUST GRABBING A
BITE THERE, SHEIK.
ALLEY-OOP!
ACT LIKE A MUMMY, STUPID!
[MOANING]
Sarah: BORING!
NO, WAIT! DON'T GO!
I'll MUMMIFY HIM
MYSELF. YOU'LL SEE!
WILL YOU LET GO?
[ED LAUGHING]
AH AH AH AH-AHCHOO!
Edd: AAH!
[CRASH]
DUSTY. GRR!
THAT'S IT!
NAH, HE AIN'T LOOKING AT US.
THAT EYE'S JUST DRAWN ON.
YOU WANNA MEET THE LOCALS?
OK.
ED, EDD, AND EDDY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEE
PLANK'S MOM AND HIS DAD.
THEY'RE VISITING
FROM OUT OF TOWN.
UNH!
WELL HA HA! WHAT A SURPRISE.
IT CERTAINLY IS A PLEASURE
MEETING YOU, MR. AND MRS. PLANK.
AHEM.
Ed: HI.
YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT?
ALL RIGHTY.
BUT AFTER YOU
TAKE A FEW PICTURES,
LET'S SAY WE RELAX A BIT, HUH?
JONNY'S CRACKED!
ISN'T THAT DARLING?
JONNY'S CREATED AN
IMAGINARY FAMILY FOR PLANK.
Jonny: OK, YOU TWO SNAP AWAY.
I'll JUST BE OVER HERE.
HOLLER IF YOU NEED ME!
OH, BROTHER! UGH.
JONNY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
PLANK'S PARENTS
ARE JUST "GO, GO, GO!
GO, GO, GO, GO!"
ME AND PLANK ARE POOPED.
OH FRET NOT, JONNY,
FOR I, ED THE MUMMY,
WILL SHOW PLANK'S VISITING
PARENTS OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
YOU WILL?
THEY'RE OVER THERE
BY THE BOARDS, ED!
WE'RE FREE, PLANK, FREE!
OH, GOOD ONE, ED!
WHAT ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO DO NOW
CARRY THEM AROUND ALL DAY?
UNFORTUNATELY, YES, EDDY.
ED'S OVERZEALOUS OFFER HAS PU
HIM IN A POSITION OF RESPONSIBILITY.
NOW, IF WE COULD ONLY FIND THEM.
THIS STINKS!
FOUND THEM!
HELLO, MOTHER AND
FATHER OF PLANK.
REMEMBER ME? I AM ED,
AND I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE TODAY.
THEY'RE HUNKS OF WOOD,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
JUST LEAVE THEM HERE.
NO WAY, JOSE!
EDDY, HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
THEY MAY JUST BE
HUNKS OF WOOD TO YOU,
BUT TO JONNY, THEY'RE
PLANK'S PARENTS.
HUMPH!
GO ON, THEN!
I GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO
THAN BE SOME TOUR GUIDE
TO A COUPLE OF FLOORBOARDS. HUH!
HA HA!
A TOUR GUIDE! THAT'S IT!
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Edd: AND OVER TO OUR RIGHT,
YOU'LL NOTICE AN
EXQUISITE EXAMPLE
OF ONE OF OUR
INDIGENOUS ANTHILLS.
ARDENT LITTLE
THINGS, AREN'T THEY?
OOH, AND HERE WE HAVE A
PRODIGIOUS OLD OAK TREE.
YES, INDEED.
PERHAPS A RELATIVE, YES?
OOH, AMUSING, DON'T YOU THINK?
NOT FUNNY, DOUBLE D.
MA AND PA PLANK!
WHAT A CO-IN-KY-DINK!
WELCOME TO EDDY'S
DELUXE TOUR LINE
THE SWANKIEST, HIPPEST,
BUT NOT TOO EXPENSIVE
TOUR LINE IN THE CUL-DE-SAC.
WHAT'S THAT?
COUNT YOU IN?
RUN A TAB?
JONNY'S GOOD FOR IT?
WELL, LET'S SEE!
50 CENTS EACH FOR THE TOUR,
25 FOR THE BUS,
AND A BUCK FOR ME.
HEY, MONOBROW! GIVE
ME A PUSH, WILL YA?
CAN DO, EDDY!
BUT I CANNOT JOIN
IN YOUR MERRIMENT,
FOR I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR
PLANK'S MOMMY AND DADDY.
HEY! HOLD IT ONE
DARN SECOND THERE!
ED! WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
DON'T YOU LEAVE ME HERE!
[GRUNTING]
[ED WHIMPERING]
WAIT! NEVER MIND! I'M FINE!
ED
EDDY KIDNAPPED MY
RESPONSIBLES, DOUBLE D!
[BRAKES SCREECH]
BEHOLD THE GREA
MOUNTAINS OF CUL-DE-SAC-IA!
IT TOOK A GAZILLION YEARS OF
SLAG TO FORM THESE PUPPIES.
NOTE THE STENCH PRICELESS.
HA HA HA!
WHAT'S THAT?
SOUVENIRS? ALL YOU CAN BUY!
UH, WE GOT AN OFFICIAL
HAND-RUSTED MOUNTAIN PLATE,
ONLY 50 CENTS.
AND, UH AW, WHO
CARES? GET IT ANYWAYS.
IT'S JONNY'S TREAT. HA HA HA!
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE, MISTER!
UNHAND PLANK'S MOMMY AND DADDY!
ED, HIS ROOM IS THE LAST PLACE
EDDY WOULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM.
HELLO? WHAT'S THIS?
QUICKLY, ED, WE'LL TRACK HIM
THROUGH HIS CHEAP COLOGNE!
INHALE ITS SCENT. GO ON!
AND ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE!
MMM!
[PANTING]
FIND THE EDDY, ED!
HANG ON TO YOUR SAWDUST, FOLKS.
IT'S ONE OF A KIND, ONLY A
EDDY'S DELUXE TOUR LINES
A MANHOLE COVER!
HA HA HA!
[THUD] Sarah: HEY!
MOVE THIS STUPID
BOX OUT OF MY WAY!
IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY!
JUST RECENTLY ESCAPED
FROM THE NEIGHBORHOOD ZOO,
IT'S SARAH THE
PROUD-MOUTHED BRA
AND THE DIAPER-RASH BOY JIMMY.
[GROWLING]
YOU TOLD HIM! I THOUGH
YOU WERE MY FRIEND!
YOU IDIOT!
HOW'S THAT FOR
HOLIDAY EXCITEMENT?
HMM? HERE, ED! TRACKS!
Eddy: HA HA HA!
EYEBALL THIS BEAUT
THE WORLD'S OLDES
BLADE OF GRASS!
AND THERE, THE WORLD'S
LARGEST LITTERBOX
A TOUR SPECIAL!
I'll JUST ADD IT TO THE TAB.
Edd: EDDY, RETURN
PLANK'S PARENTS!
Ed: I PROMISED JONNY, EDDY!
NO TIME FOR PHOTOS. GOTTA GO!
HA HA HA!
EDDY!
HA HA HA!
UH-OH!
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
WHOO-HOO!
OOF! OW!
AND NOW WE'RE ABOUT TO GO
UNDER THE BIG MONKEY-BAR BRIDGE.
DUCK!
HELLO?
GOOD LORD!
AAH!
[EDDY SCREAMING]
LOOK, DOUBLE D,
THE BUS IS COMING.
WE'VE GOT HIM NOW!
LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO
PLANK'S MOMMY AND DADDY!
WHO KNOWS WHA
THIS WILL DO TO JONNY
WHEN HE SEES THIS, EDDY?
HIS TIES TO REALITY ARE
ALREADY TENUOUS AT BEST.
Jonny: HOLY JUMPING
BANANA BOATS!
DON'T LOOK, PLANK!
Eddy: RELAX, BALDY
NOTHING A LITTLE GLUE AND
A COUPLE OF NAILS WON'T FIX.
ED, IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF
SHOWING THEM A GOOD TIME?
IT WASN'T ME, JONNY, HONEST!
EDDY DID IT!
YEP, I SHOWED THEM THE
TIME OF THEIR LIFE, JONNY BOY,
AND IT WASN'T CHEAP.
I'll JUST TOTAL UP YOUR BILL.
CHA-CHING!
HOW DO YOU WANT TO
PAY FOR THIS, JONNY
CASH OR CASH?
EDDY YOU'RE THE
ONE WHO'LL BE PAYING,
SMARTY-PANTS!
PLANK KNOWS PEOPLE!
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
THEY'RE JUST HUNKS OF
WOOD, FOR PETE'S SAKE!
I WOULDN'T SAY THA
TOO LOUDLY, EDDY.
[ED WHIMPERING]
I THINK THEY'RE WATCHING US!
MAKE THEM GO AWAY, DOUBLE D!
MAKE THEM GO AWAY!
MAN, THIS IS STUPID.
ED, EDD N EDDY BRRRRRR, YEAH!