Hannah Montana s04e11 Episode Script

Have a great flight, sweetie.
Play nice with the other bikini models.
Yes, Siena, I'll take good care of myself.
I'm, uh, having oatmeal right now.
Why is it crunchy? Um, because I'm eating it raw, the way nature intended.
Hey, what the Sam heck happened to the bacon? Dad! Um, he's talking about Kevin Bacon, talented actor who brought dance to a small town in the classic movie Footloose.
I'm talking out the bacon that was right there.
Uh, that's our name for Kevin.
"The Bacon.
" Loves to come over for a healthy Yes, I'll eat better.
I'm gonna go wake up the girls and don't you even think about touching my b-b-b-bluerry pancakes, I'll kick your b-b-b-butt.
Aah! Wow, when you got rid of Hannah, did she take all your makeup with her? Nice try, but not even you can bring me down.
The secret's out.
Yesterday, I told Robin Roberts that I'm really Miley Stewart, she told me that America's gonna love me.
And tomorrow I go on Colin Lassiter, and I get to tell the world that you're a snot wagon for the second time this week.
Life couldn't get any better.
Yah! Wait, I smell bacon.
Where is it? It's all gone.
- But I can bring it back up for ya.
- Oh! How do you have a girlfriend? - Got it.
- Oh, don't mind if I do.
- Do what? - Do this.
Come on, there's a fresh stack right there.
Oh! Oh, yeah, but these are pre-syruped.
Oopsies! Hey, Mile, there's a special delivery for you down at the Gate from Stanford.
- I got accepted! - You got accepted! Yeah, hold on, I'll buzz you in.
Buzz him in? Since when do you lock the Gate? Well, honey, ever since the secret got out, I thought I better start doing that.
- So, uh Hm - You forgot the code, didn't you? It's the first time I've had to use it since we moved in here.
Well, I'm sure he wrote it down somewhere.
Thank you very much, Lilly.
Of course I did.
It's just a matter of You forgot where you wrote it down, didn't you? You forgot where you wrote it down, didn't you? - I'll find it.
- For goodness sakes! We're coming! Thank you so much.
Open it! Open it! - I got accepted! - Yay! Yay! Yay! - Over here! - Not good! Not good! - Dad, open the Gate! - Keep your pants on.
I'm on the other line with the Gate company.
OK, I'm back.
- Still me, Dad.
- Sorry, honey.
- OK, I'm back.
- Still me! Grab the ladder, girls! Hey, that sounds like Aunt Dolly.
- That is Aunt Dolly! - Grab on! What're you doing here? Saving your not-so-secret butt, and lookin' good doing it, huh?! OK, hang on tight, enjoy the scenery and thank you for flying Air Dolly! Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Here we go, everybody! Come on You get the limo out front Oooh Hottest styles Every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar Whooo! You get the best of both worlds Chill it out Take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together and you know That it's the best of both worlds Hey, yeah Oh, oh This is the worst picture ever.
Calm down, darlin', I'm sure they're not all Oh, my Lord! My gosh! They're in the house! Don't be silly, they're not in the house.
That was taken through that door right there with a 1,500 millimeter F-13 telephoto lens with vibration reduction.
That sucker can detect a visible panty line from a mile away.
And I should know.
That means they could be anywhere! - Stay low, and watch the goofy faces! - Ow! Come on, honey.
You had to know once you let the Hannah cat outta the bag, - this was bound to happen.
- Your daddy's right, darling.
You are at the top of the news heap right now.
But this is gonna settle down, trust me.
When did it settle down for you? It hasn't yet, has it? Well, it's only been 40 years.
Give it time.
Now, you can get your knickers all up in a Twist about this, and they'll probably get a really good shot of that.
Or, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade! OK! Who wants lemonade? And snickerdoodles! I was just telling my goddaughter how you fellas are just regular people just out here trying to make a living.
Although there's no shame in training to be a male nurse.
I'm just saying.
Look, go ahead and take all the pictures that you want of me right now.
Oh! And a few of me, if you must.
I didn't get all shrink-wrapped for nothin'.
And, uh, then you can just give me and my family some privacy.
We can do that, we'll make this a regular thing.
I'll even throw in a couple of "Ooh, you caught me's" once in a while.
Go ahead, take 'em.
Blah! You caught me! OK, good.
So are we OK? OK, well, that'll do it for now, folks.
If you want more shots of me, you can get 'em on Saturday at my nationally televised concert, Dolly Live From Lake Hollywood.
Don't ever turn up your nose at free publicity.
Ooh, oh Rico? Rico? Are you OK? Do you want something to eat? Something to drink? Somebody to make fun of? Hey, what about me? Look, it'll be fun.
Ahem.
Hey, blondie, heard you entered an ugly contest, but they said, "Sorry, no professionals!" Hey-o! Hey-o! All right, Lily, what's the big emergency? It's Rico.
He's been like this since I got here this morning.
- What do we do? - I don't know.
Put a rubber mouse on his head and hope he gets carried away by a Hawk? Ca-caw! Jackson, I'm serious.
I mean, look.
He's been like this for hours.
There's something very wrong with him.
And you're just discovering this now? I think that Lola wig did some serious damage up there.
She was Lola! Of course! Miley was Hannah, her best friend would be Lola.
How could I have missed that, too? It was so obvious! The bone structure.
It was staring me in the face.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Is that really what this is about? Of course it is! I'm a genius! I'm not supposed to miss these things! I'm becoming dumb! Like you! La-di-di-di-da Oh, yeah The young lady who sits across from me recently made big news when she revealed her amazing secret on Jay Leno.
Then she gave an in-depth interview to Robin Roberts.
And today she's here with me, Colin "Last In Line" Lassiter.
- I'm really sorry about that, Colin.
- Anyway, I'm thrilled to have you here.
- How's it going? - Well, it's pretty good.
At first, taking off the wig was a little bit scary, but everyone's been great, super supportive.
Even the paparazzi has been great.
See you out there tomorrow with peanut butter balls and a coffee cart.
And did she bring me anything? No.
Let's go to the phones and see what America thinks.
Diane from Patchogue, Long Island, you're on with the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana.
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
- What? My daughter idolized you and now you do this? - What, all I did was tell the truth.
- A little late for that now! How am I supposed to teach my kid to be honest when her hero is nothing but a liar? Ouch.
Well, I swear, I didn't mean to hurt anybody.
I was just trying to do what felt right for me.
Don't worry, sweetheart.
Some parents are a little over-protective.
It's not as if she's a licensed child psychologist, like Dr.
Mark Lynch from Richmond, Virginia, you're on the air.
Miley, I think you've done a wonderful thing for yourself.
- Thank you, doctor.
- Unfortunately, it may prove - catastrophic for children everywhere.
- Heh? Hannah Montana was real for children.
And, well, how do I say this in a way you'll understand? You killed her.
Wow, people hate you.
I swear, I really wasn't meaning to hurt anybody.
I love my fans.
Kind of makes you feel like you made a mistake, doesn't it? Well, I I don't know.
No, no, no.
Pull it together, honey.
You're here for the whole hour.
All right.
You're on with Miley Stewart, the dream killer.
Ah, da-da Ooh, ah, ooh Come on, darlin', it wasn't that bad.
Oh, really? Tell that to homemaker Carla Myres from Dallas, Texas, who hates me! Miley Ray Stewart, I am not gonna let you lie around here on this couch drowning in self-pity and droolin' all over my dry-clean onlys.
You got to move on.
- But how? - By getting up on stage and doing what you do best: Entertaining people.
Hey, why don't you come and be on my show Saturday night? - Aunt Dolly, that is a great idea.
- Yeah.
Why don't I just wear my bull's-eye costume so all the Miley-hating food f lingers have a nice big target! Hey, come on, Mile.
I know it was tough on you out there today, but, to be honest, most of those people that called in are a bunch of stopped-up adults who probably don't have enough fiber in their diets.
Yeah.
Besides that, those are not your fans anyway.
Your fanare young people with very healthy innards.
Well, what if they hate me, too? I just couldn't handle that.
You telling me you're just gonna let fear run your life? Ha! That ain't the Miley Stewart I raised.
You won't be by yourself.
I'm gonna be right there, your daddy's gonna be there.
- Heck, yeah! - I bet you he'd get up and sing with you.
- Heck, no! - Did you just "heck no" me? Heck, yeah.
I ain't getting up there.
- Why in the world not? - Let me tell you something.
It's been almost ten years since I've been on television.
What if they don't even remember me? Styles change, people change.
I don't need to get on television and find out I'm old news, thank you very much.
Oh, so you're just gonna let fear run your life? Don't be throwing my words back in my face, little missy.
So you're one of those "do as I say, not as I do" daddies.
Don't you dare "do daddy" me, daughter.
Oh, really? But you just said Hey, this isn't about me, it's about you.
If you don't get back up on that stage now, you'll never get on it.
Oh, yeah, says the guy who's never gonna get "back up on that stage.
" Hey, I'm the adult here.
I get to teach the lessons, not learn 'em.
That's the trade-off I get for a saggy gut and droopy butt.
I cannot believe you two scaredy cats, worrying more about what others think about you than believing in yourselves.
I'm sorry, Aunt Dolly, but I can't get back on that stage.
And apparently, I'm not alone on that one.
Ooh, ah, ooh Who's the dumbest guy on this pier? I am.
Who got fooled by a family of backwood bubbas? I did.
What's two plus two? I think it's four, but it might be three with a wig on.
I love stupid Rico.
I sure am gonna miss him.
What do you mean? You got fooled by Miley and now you're blue But here's a few smart folks just as dumb as you - That Donald Trump - Yes, he was stumped - How about Bill Nye? - That science guy He never knew the wig was a lie - A hairy lie - Albert Einstein The smartest guy ever - Would he have known? - He wasn't that clever - No - She fooled them all Yes That was so incredibly beautiful.
And it helped me uncover an even bigger secret: You like me.
- No, I don't.
- Oh, yes, you do.
- Oh, no, I don't! - Oh, yes, you do - Oh, yes, you do - Oh, yes, you do - Shut up! - Yes, you do Hey, hey, yeah So, what you're saying, doctor, is if this is Hannah Montana, and these are the hearts of children everywhere this is what Miley Stewart has done to them.
Join me tomorrow, when our guest will be Barbara Evans, the founder of MAMS: Mothers Against Miley Stewart.
Enough, all right?! You've been walled up in here for three days watching this stuff.
You need to get out! Let's go to the pier or the movies, something! Sure, let's go to that place where everybody hates me, or that other place where everybody hates me.
Ooh! Ooh, no, we'll go to the place with the really good nachos, where everybody hates me! Well, what are you gonna do? I mean, you can't live in here for the rest of your life.
Here you go, Mr.
Nummers.
And yes, you're welcome, Mommy's Little Man.
Hello, buddy.
How you doing? Hey, there.
Somebody wants to say hello to Aunt Miley.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- But, Mommy, it smells in there.
- Just get in here! - Hi, Aunt Miley.
- Ollie Jr.
! - Look how big you've gotten! - Why don't you get dressed - and come with Oliver in concert with us tonight? - You're right.
Let me just go get myself all gussied up to go to a place where everybody hates me.
Now, run along.
I have a very important ceremony to oversee.
I guess there's nothing else we can do, Ollie.
Does that mean we never have to come back here again? - I wish.
- Out.
OK, my lovelies, we are gathered here today to join Sir Francis Licks-A-Lot and Kitty Von Cottonsocks in Holy catrimony.
I believe you've written your own meows.
You just had a fantasy of yourself - Yep.
- Lots of cats? - Yep.
- You ready to face the world? - Nope.
- But your fantasies always drive you to do the right thing in an educational and entertaining way.
Well, that was before the dang secret was out.
Hey, and if Ollie Jr.
can't pretend to like his Auntie Miley, he can stay home! Hey Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Hey, yeah No! No! I don't want to leave my bed.
My bed's my friend.
- It gives me warm blanket hugs.
- Miley, it's been a week, OK? You're losing muscle tone and getting flabby grandma arms.
Hey, just more saggy skin for my kitties to play with.
Oh! Enough with the kitties already! Hey, Mr.
Stewart! Jackson! Dolly's show's starting! Whoo! Oh, hey! Oh, thank you! Boy, we have got a great show for y'all.
We have some of the biggest names in music here tonight.
Yeah! Hey, come on, guys, you're missing it! - He's not up there.
- Where is he? I'd like to start by introducing an old friend of mine.
Well, actually, he hasn't been around in a while.
And I am just tickled as punch that he has decided to make tonight his big comeback onstage.
How about it for my buddy, Robby Ray! Come on out here! Found him! Thanks, Dolly.
Uh, I have to admit, I was a little nervous about coming out here tonight.
It's been a while.
But I've always told the people I love that you shouldn't let fear run your life, and it's about time I started living by those words.
Come on! Seems just like yesterday When it was miles ago We were so young at heart And eager to know Why some people had it all And still had nothin' to lose But we had our dreams in hand And the freedom we could choose It feels like the right time To step into the light Feels like the right time To feed that hope inside Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Rascal Flatts, everybody! We'll be back before I can say, "Buy my new book.
" Oops! Too late.
See you in a bit.
Robby Ray Stewart, I am so proud of you.
You did a great job! I just wish Miley could have seen it.
Well, I'm sure she was watching.
- Thank you so much, Dad.
- Obviously, she's here.
- Is it too late, Aunt Dolly? - Too late? It's never too late to kiss those fears goodbye.
- I guess that means you wanna go on.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna tell them.
She's something, ain't she? Knock 'em out, bud.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm back, I'm back! Thank you.
Well, I want to introduce somebody to you now that's been getting a lot of criticism lately.
But she's not gonna let that stop her from doing what she loves to do, and that is singing for you.
How about a wonderful hand for my beautiful goddaughter, Miley Stewart! Get out here, girl! You go get 'em.
We love you, Miley! I love you, too.
One, two, three Whatcha waitin' for? An opportunity to knock? Come on, it's at your door You're crazy if you leave it locked You know you gotta let it in And finally I know it, too The question's what it's always been So, what are you gonna do? - Blow - Another chance - No - I understand - Yo - If you're comin', hello Kiss it goodbye Your fear is holding you back Kiss it goodbye Kiss it goodbye Kiss it goodbye Kiss it goodbye Thank you guys so much.
Thank you.