In Living Color (1990) s04e11 Episode Script

- How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - What? - How you livin'? - In living color - You can do what you wanna do - In living color - Anything you want is up to you - In living color - You for me and me for you - In living color - You can be anything you wanna be - In living color - Let's take a trip and sip on a dream - Yeah - Glide with the guide on a funky scene - All right Here comes another one of those funky,funny mo'money shows A cast for laughsand talented roles And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin'listener It seems you don't believeso you can believe what I convince ya Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy No need to holdyour remote control ChillThis show's got soul All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles You'd better snuggle upcouple up - On the double-dub-double - Yeah It's hard to believe but someof the best things in life are free So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, gogo, go, go, go Go, go, go, go, go Ooh, Lord, I am so proud of my baby.
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starring in her first Hollywood commercial.
Look, Mama, a real live sound stage.
I finally made it to the big time.
And Mama, now that I'm a big star.
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we don't have to put Spam in our Hamburger Helper anymore.
- Uh, Lil' Magic.
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.
- And we can buy all new pest strips for the bedroom.
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.
- Uh, Lil' Magic.
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.
- and we can get the corns scraped off all twelve of your toes.
- Oh, hush up! - Sorry, Mama.
Oh, that's my baby.
Now, come on, Lil' Magic.
You still gotta practice your technique, like I taught you.
- Okay, Mama.
- Now come on, make love to the camera, baby.
All right, show me happy.
Uh-huh.
Show me sad.
Thoughtful.
- Give me passion.
- [Groans.]
All right, now, girl, limber up and do some of them.
.
.
- ballet "perrier" turns mama taught you.
- Okay, Mama.
Oh, Lord, girl.
You almost got my breast.
- Hi there.
How you doin'? You Lil' Magic? - Hi! I'm Lil' Magic.
- Miss Smile Bright, 1987.
- [Screams.]
Okay, that's great.
Look, I'm the director, and these are the little girls.
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.
Oh! Y'all the little background actors, huh? Ain't that cute? You know, one day maybe you gonna be a big star like my Lil' Magic.
'Course, Lil' Magic, she didn't need to get.
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on no casting couch to get her part.
- Not anymore.
- That's right, 'cause my Lil' Magic.
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put the "l" in entertainment.
She do it all.
She play an instrument.
Baby, go on and play your hot tamale box, Magic.
- Okay, Mama.
- Oh, you gonna love this.
Whoa! [Squeaking.]
She's a contortionist too.
Baby, contort yourself.
- Now kiss your own behind.
- [Groaning.]
Well, she ain't warmed up yet.
- Oh, she a lion tamer.
- [Imitates Whip.]
- She bites the heads off of chickens.
- [Screams.]
- [Laughing.]
- That's.
.
.
That's different.
That's different.
But we need to get started, so if everybody would get in their places.
.
.
Now, Magic, I want you to stand right here.
- Up front? - No.
No, not up front today.
No, you stand right here, okay? And we're gonna put this right there.
There we are.
- Magic, you're set.
- Okay.
Oh, now see? I told you, Magic.
You're right where I told you.
You belong in the front, at the center of attention.
Here, just let me spruce her up.
[Snorts.]
Hold Still.
[Spits.]
Get your baby hair again.
Come on, blow, girl.
All right now.
Okay, quiet please.
Now roll sound and roll camera.
Timeflex watches for kids commercial.
.
.
Damn, you're an ugly kid.
Take one.
- And action.
- I got a Timeflex watch with a cute little bunny on it.
I got a Timeflex watch.
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with an adorable little pussycat on it, just like me.
But the best part about Timeflex watches for kids is.
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They can take a big old whippin' without ever chippin'.
- [Together.]
See? - [Director.]
Cut! That's beautiful.
That's a wrap.
Oh, Magic, you were "fantabulous.
" How you feelin', baby? - Oh, you were wonderful.
Mama's proud of you.
- Payroll, everybody.
- Oh! Oh! - One.
Ooh, Mama! My very first paycheck.
- Now we can buy knobs for the TV.
- Uh, Lil' Magic.
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.
And now you can finally get.
.
.
- that implant for your other breast.
- Uh, Lil' Magic.
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.
And-And you can buy some more Scotch Tape for your Lee Press-On Nails.
- And-And, uh.
.
.
- And what, Lil' Magic? Spit it out, sweetie.
Mama, can we buy some aspirin? - I think I "broked-ed" my skull.
- Again? No, baby, we ain't got time, Lil' Magic.
We got to get to that audition for the Save the Children commercial.
Now, come on.
Stick your stomach out and make them sad eyes.
- You ain't eat no breakfast, did you? - Mm-mm.
Now, come on.
Let's go.
[Dance.]
[Ends.]
[Male Announcer.]
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starring Dionne Warwick.
Brought to youby Edwin O.
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And now, international recording star,humanitarian.
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and Philip Michael Thomas'slove slave.
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Ms.
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Do you have problems with your skin? Do y'all blemishes flare up as big as my nostrils? Is your acne so bad that Edward James Olmos.
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Let me show you all about the wonderful skin-care system.
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That's pretty strong.
[Chuckles.]
That's right.
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and it works on soiled laundry too.
Then, the next step is Edwin's gentle but abrasive facial peel.
- [Crackling.]
- Ow.
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and as you can see,there is already progress.
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Wow! She is reallystarting to fade.
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a brand-new you.
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Let's hear from some of our satisfied O.
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Like my fellow Nubian brothers.
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I too had razor bumps.
Now, not only is they gone.
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but I drove over 3,000 miles to get here.
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and not once did I get pulled over by the boys in blue.
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and asked to assume the position.
Thanks, Edwin.
Peace! Before I started using the system.
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I couldn't get no play from a brother.
Well, now look at me.
[Men Together.]
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[Announcer.]
Warning:Edwin O.
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If you insist on using it,know when the hell to quit.
Hey, how do I look? Hey, I said, how do I look? - [Dance.]
- [Man Singing.]
[Man Rapping.]
[Man Singing.]
[Ends.]
[Laughing.]
Ahh! [Slavic Accent.]
At last, I have found my prey.
Gary Coleman, you better stop.
Stop, Gary.
Ooh, it's cold in here.
I'm feelin' goose nippily.
[Sniffing.]
By the depths of Hades, what is that smell? Dog, I gotta quit eating them pigs' feet.
My gas is kicking up.
I will take you away from all of this, my love.
- [Growls.]
- Oh, my God.
It's a man in my "boo-door.
" And I feel vulnerable, and I'm almost naked up in here.
Fear not, my love.
I have crossed oceans of time to be with you.
You so crazy.
You could have just called.
I want you to be mine for all eternity.
Listen, you don't know what you're getting into.
.
.
'cause I'm telling you, I'm just like a virus.
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.
once I get in your system, it's hard to get me out.
Wait, wait, wait.
Uh-uh.
I don't want you to see me like this.
I just woke up.
Let me put my face on.
Time is of the essence.
You do not have to put on appearances for me.
I want to take you as you are.
Look, you can have me now and have a hamburger, but if you wait.
.
.
you can have a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
I want to show you things that you've never seen.
Hey, word up, and I'm gonna show you things that scientists ain't even seen.
You must hurry.
Daylight will be upon us soon.
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and I am a creature of the night.
Hey, hold on a minute.
.
.
'cause I'm a freak Give yourself to me by the crack of dawn.
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.
and we shall rule the underworld.
I must drink of your essence.
Hey, word up.
Then grab a straw, 'cause you're gonna drink it up.
Clap on.
- [Screams, Hisses.]
- What's wrong with you? By the beard of Satan, it's Beelzebub himself.
- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.
You said you had crossed the seas and all that kind of stuff.
- Clap on.
- I didn't know I was going to find land ho.
- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.
Who you calling a ho? Clap on.
I don't need no Eddie Munster-looking, with-the-widow-peak.
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fake-wearing, funky-breath-breathing.
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.
coming-in-through-my-window- when-you-wasn't-even-invited.
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with-them-wearing-them- tired-old-clothes.
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.
Iooking-like-Pee-wee Herman- like-he-was-on-crack white boy.
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telling me that I don't look good.
Okay? You are right.
I'm not good enough for you.
Hey, where you going? Don't be ashamed just 'cause you're a white boy.
I mean, I don't mind having a little cream in my coffee.
And I mean, no.
And if you act right, I'll do you like the bean.
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.
You know what I'll do? Grind it up, hey.
- Ugh! Ugh! - Grind it! Grind! And I thought the crucifix was repulsive.
Ugh! Look, you don't understand.
I am a vampire.
I have to have blood.
Oh, okay, then.
What kind of blood do you need? I got "A" negative or "O" positive.
- I got you.
- But you also have mirrors.
I hate mirrors.
You ain't got to worry about that.
Look.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall.
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.
There you go.
Oh, my gosh.
Look at the time.
I have to go sleep in my coffin.
You don't have to go nowhere.
I told you, I got you.
Now let me rock your underworld.
What you do.
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.
Uh-uh.
No, uh-uh.
All right, don't you know you a freak? Filet my soul, filet my soul.
I give up.
You win, but I have to do it with the window open.
I love it in the sunlight.
Okay then.
Let the world see.
[Laughing.]
Free at last.
Free at last.
Dog.
I guess I was just too much for him.
He got hot and just burned up.
Charleesa? Girl, yeah, I done burned another one up, girl.
I told you, I be rocking worlds all over the country.
For real now.
All right.
Thanks for watching.
Good night, Grandma.
See you next week.
I love you, Granny.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
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