Kickin' It (2011) s04e11 Episode Script

All right, I'm going to jump on this side of the teeter-totter and we'll keep going up and down as long as we can.
Oooh, seesaw! I want a turn! Rudy, it's not a seesaw.
It's an extreme teeter-totter.
Extreme teeter-totter! I want a turn! Rudy, this isn't a toy.
It's the same piece of equipment famous daredevil Spanky danger uses.
Yeah, we have tickets to go see him at the civic center this weekend.
Oh, you know, my favorite stuntman was Johnny Hazard.
His famous stunt was being catapulted across mt.
Rushmore.
- Did he make it? - Nope.
He went in Washington's ear and out Lincoln's nose.
After that he was known as the human snot rocket.
- Oh yeah, the snot rocket.
- I love that guy.
Yeah.
All right, Jack.
Let's get our teeter-totter on.
Let's do it.
Where are you going? - To get you a sandwich.
- (Scoffs) For the last time, no! Will someone please tell your friend I'm not going to go out with him? (Unison) We've told him.
Jerry, you are just a player.
In fact, you've been rejected by every single girl in Seaford.
I have not.
Oh, yo, Carly.
- You wanna go out? - (Laughs) Wha - Okay, now I have.
- I have to go.
I'm going to be late for my volunteer job at the aquarium.
Dude, I don't get it.
I get rejected by girls all the time and it doesn't bother me.
Why does this one hurt so much? Because you actually like her.
You guys might not believe this, but old Rudy has felt the occasional sting of rejection.
- Oh no, I believe it.
- I totally believe it.
- Pretty believable.
- Okay, all right, okay.
Look, my point is whenever I feel rejected I just look for something to take my mind off it, you know, cheer me up.
Like Milton and Jack's stunt.
This is the perfect distraction.
What? You think their stupid circus act is going to cheer me up? (Drumroll) (Screaming) - (Thuds) - Whoo-hoo! Dude, I was wrong.
That totally cheered me up! Whoo! Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate everybody won't you come kick it with me? And we could have a ball, run up the wall that's just how we do and no matter how much I chop and punch it's not as cool as kickin' it with you.
Dude, Milton, check it out! It's Spanky danger! - How do you know? - Oh, I don't know, maybe it's the red, white, and blue jumpsuit with "Spanky" written on it.
Ooh, it is such an honor to meet you, Spanky.
I can't believe you're here.
Oh, I love coming out, mixing it up with my fans.
Tell everybody about the jump you made in Las Vegas.
Whew, that was a big jump.
Two years ago, wind was blowing in my face.
- I opened up the throttle and - And hit that ramp at over 200 Miles per hour and flew over 35 buses.
Go ahead, tell him, tell him! Well, you just did.
Sorry.
What he didn't say was that I overshot the ramp.
Broke 215 bones.
No disrespect, Mr.
Spanky, but, uh, human body only has 206 bones.
Didn't say they were all mine.
I landed on a big gal holding a pug.
Hey, we are huge fans.
Earlier we were even trying your extreme teeter-totter trick.
- Oh, how'd it go? - Ugh, not good.
I landed in the giant bra on top of bra barn.
I don't care what their motto is it was not "an uplifting experience.
" Oh, hey, Spanky, can we get your autograph? Sure, absolutely.
Whoa, dude, that thumb's pretty gnarly.
Yeah, I took a spill in Iowa.
Couldn't find a doctor so they took me to a veterinarian.
Didn't save the thumb, but got me a cow udder.
Sorry about that.
I wasn't milked this morning.
Hey, we've got tickets to your show.
All right, let me see these Oh, I'll get you daredevils better seats than these.
How do I get 'em to you? We actually work at the dojo across the courtyard.
You'll see the giant teeter-totter out front.
Oh, no, no, no, you can't leave that out there.
There's always some yahoo pretending he's a stuntman.
Rudy: Go ahead, ma! - (Thumps, creaks) - (Rudy yelling) I tell you this: My mom's a lot heavier than she looks.
Lunchtime! I'm having pizza and you guys are Having sardines.
Wow, this is really good.
Jerry, what are you doing here?! Not eating sardines.
Look, I know what you're doing.
You became a volunteer to try to get me to like you.
(Gasps) How dare you? You know, I became a volunteer because I share both a very real and a very deep connection with these penguins.
- Pelicans.
- Pelicans.
Well, don't get too attached.
Harold and Maude aren't going to be here for much longer.
With all the money they spent on the new bull shark tank, the aquarium can't afford the pelican habitat.
They're sending him to Texas and her to New Jersey.
Aw, that's the saddest thing I've ever heard New Jersey.
You know they've been mates for seven years? And it shows.
Before you came in, Maude was hungry, Harold went over to her and yakked up fish guts right in her face.
That's love, man.
You Look a little hungry.
Sardine? Ew, what is that smell? It's like a combination of dead fish, seagull poop and low tide.
(Unison) Jerry's socks.
Jerry, what is going on in here? Dude! You set up a kiddie pool in my dojo without asking? Pool party! Jerry, there you are.
You bird-napped the pelicans from the aquarium?! I didn't bird-nap them.
I just blindfolded them and took them against their will to a hideout oh, no, yeah, I kinda bird-napped them.
It takes more than a kiddie pool and a bucket full of sar why is this bucket filled with donut holes? Are pelicans not supposed to eat donut holes? - No, they are not.
- These donut holes are Jack's.
I'm going to get the pelican handler.
I guess I'm a bad guy for caring.
- Wha - (Squawks) Oh, don't worry.
Mommy and daddy are just having a little disagreement.
Hey, boys.
I got those tickets for ya.
- Great.
- Yeah.
Whoa! Okay, tell me.
I wrecked my bike a bunch of times and sometimes I get a little fuzzy, you know? But are there two pelicans in here? Yeah.
And is that a moose climbing up a rock wall? Uh yeah sure.
Yeah, why not? I'm just messing with you.
I know it's not a moose.
That's an elk, right? Whoa! These tickets are in the vip box! Spanky, this is so cool.
People are paying hundreds of dollars for these.
- Oh yeah.
- Wait, that's it.
Yo, Spanky, my name's Jerry.
I'm a volunteer at the Seaford aquarium.
Look, these pelicans are supposed to be mates for life, - but they're getting separated.
- Whew, I've been there.
She's gonna take him for every sardine he's got.
No no no, they're being separated because the aquarium ran out of funding.
He's going to Texas and she's going to New Jersey.
That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
Jersey! Hey, if you could do some sort of fundraiser at the aquarium, we could make enough money to keep them together.
That's a great idea.
Let me think on it for a second.
Got it, okay! What if I walk the high wire tightrope over at the aquarium? But it has to be over something scary.
Ah, how about the men's room next to the all-you-can-eat clam bar? (Hisses) Ouch.
Yeah, I don't think I'm ready for that one.
What about the tank of bull sharks? That's great! There is nothing more important to Spanky danger than everlasting love.
(Phone ringing) Oh, hold on, it's the wife number six.
Ignore.
Yo, Spanky, I can't thank you enough, man! Jerry: Uh, Rudy Rudy, I wouldn't do that.
(Nasally) Oh please, birds love me.
- (Loud squawking, splashing) - (Rudy yelling) (Grunts) That bird does not love me.
Here we go, let's start the party chop it up like it's karate.
You know, guys, I'm a lot like Spanky.
I was born a stuntman.
- You were born a stuntman? - Yes, I was, Milton.
My father is Hector Martinez.
My mother is Catherine Stuntman.
Okay, you may have the name, Jerry, but there's not one stunt Spanky does that you could actually do.
(Scoffs) Oh, please, I could ride Spanky's rocket bike.
I mean, the only difference between that bike and mine is it's powered by rockets and it doesn't have training wheels on it.
- (Cheering) - (Pop music playing) (Chanting) Spanky, Spanky, Spanky! (Clanking) Who's ready for some rocket boots?! (Crowd cheering) I was going to launch myself 100 feet in the air into that cargo net over there.
Or I could put some nitro in my boots and go 200 feet in the air.
What do you say, people?! (Crowd chanting) Nitro nitro nitro! Nitro it is! (Crowd oohs) - (Thumps) - (Cheering) Hey, where did Jerry go? Uh-oh.
I'll show you who can't ride a rocket bike, Jack! If that's Spanky Then that guy's a stunt double.
Spanky's a fake! (Crowd gasps) (Booing) (Crowd booing) I can't believe that angry mob followed us all the way here.
How did they even know it was me? I don't know.
Maybe it was your jacket? (Groans) I forgot to turn my jacket off.
Spanky, how could you do this? You think I'm proud of what I've become? Spanky was attempting to break the world record for jumping a car over 200 feet I'm going to let you finish this one.
The jump was perfect - Until the landing.
- (In unison) Ooooh.
It's always the landing.
When the smoke cleared, my body was so mangled they couldn't tell what was me and what was my car.
I spent three weeks in a hospital, five days in a muffler shop.
So that's how you lost your courage? Yeah.
And gained a radio.
(Clicks, music playing) (Clicks, music stops) Spanky, you can't live the rest of your life hiding behind stunt doubles.
Well, I'm not going to have to any more.
Because of what happened, the whole world's gonna know who I am A fraud! You know what, Spanky? A hero of mine once told me that the only thing to fear is the fear of not trying.
You know who said that? - Abraham Lincoln? - Captain Kirk? Cher? It actually was Cher.
But the point is that it could have easily been you, Spanky.
I'm sorry, Cher is your hero? Cher's everybody's hero, Jack.
The woman's a ding-danged icon.
Come on, Spanky.
Dude, there's two little pelicans who are counting on you.
You know what? You're right.
What you guys said I needed to hear a long time ago.
I'm done hiding.
Tomorrow at that fundraiser, the whole world's gonna know Spanky's back! (Clangs) Dude, you might need a little bit of a (clears throat) Tune-up.
- Kickin' it with you.
- (Camera clicks) This is the last picture I'll have of you guys together.
But I want you to know that I will keep it forever.
- (Gulps) - Or you can keep it forever.
I can't believe you guys are leaving tomorrow.
I'm really going to miss you guys.
- (Squawks) - But do you know what hurts the most? I didn't get phone insurance.
- Taylor, there you are.
- (Wails) Wow, for such a pretty girl, you're an ugly crier.
Yo, I've got great news.
I have a way that we can save the pelicans.
Let me guess: Put little tuxedoes on them and try to blend them in with the penguins? No no no, I got spa that's a great idea.
I think mine's better though.
I got Spanky danger to do the fundraiser again! Jerry, that's amazing! - We're gonna save the pelicans! - Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I I don't know what I was thinking.
No, no, no, no, don't overthink it, just do it again! Why? Because we're saving the pelicans! I cannot believe how many people showed up to watch Spanky tightrope over a pool of sharks.
Yeah, it's a comeback story.
Everybody loves seeing a man rise above his fears.
(Crowd exclaims) They're also down with watching sharks eat a dude.
- (Feedback squeals) - Thank you all for coming down to the aquarium.
I guess that explains why you're all packed in like sardines.
Nope? This fundraiser is about saving Harold and Maude.
Some people said that we couldn't do it, but tonight I say we peli-can.
Seriously? Nothing? Show's gonna start in a minute! Sheesh, they're a bad audience.
Yeah.
They're the problem.
Yo, where is Spanky? He should be here by now.
(Chimes) Oh, don't worry.
I just got a text from him.
"Hey guys, you're the best.
Thanks for the pep talk.
By the way, still scared, not coming.
Sorry, Spanky.
" If the crowd doesn't see this stunt, they're going to want their money back.
Which means there'll be no saving of the pelicans.
Oh, but I just told everybody that we peli-can! Both: Milton! Guys, it's over.
We have to give the crowd their money back.
(People chattering) (Applause) Who's that? (In unison) It's Jerry! - What is he doing up there? - I think he's gonna try to walk the tightrope.
He would never try to walk I'm going to try and walk the tightrope! I know you all came here to see a death-defying stunt, and I, Jerry Martinez, am going to give it to you! (Drumroll) Come on, Seaford, show me some love! (Crowd chanting) Fall, Jerry, fall! Fall, Jerry, fall! That's not really love! (Whimpering) Okay, oooh.
Hey, I can actually do this.
- Whoa.
- (Gasps) Oh, no, I can't do this.
Can't do this.
Gotta go back.
- Whoa! Whoa! - (Gasps) (Shrieks) No worries! I'm okay.
Wow, this is a much better way to use this thing.
- (Chomps) - (All gasp) Oh, no, bad shark! Don't bite! - (Shrieking) - (Chomping) - Jerry, hang on! - Oh, great advice.
Thanks, hon! All right, Jerry, Jerry, give me your hand.
I can't, Jack! I can't.
(Shrieking) (Crowd gasps) - (Grunting) - Wait all right.
Yeah, that works, okay.
- Okay, okay.
All right, all right.
- (Shrieks) Okay, all right, all right.
- Jerry, I can't see! - Oh, you're lucky - 'cause it's really scary up here, man! - Move your hands! - Oh, sorry.
- Thank you! Okay, all right.
We can do this.
So close, so close.
So close.
Wah, mommy.
- (Thumps) - Oh! You guys did it.
The crowd loved it.
You saved the pelicans! Jerry, I cannot believe you were going to risk your life to save Harold and Maude.
I was wrong about you.
(Laughs) Where are you going? (Nasally) Oh, I thought I'd take a quick swim.
Rudy, I don't think that's a good idea.
Oh please, sharks love me.
These sharks do not love me! - (Splashing) - So movies? - Let's do it.
- (Grunting) Kickin' it with you.
I still can't believe that Spanky backed out.
I thought we helped him get his courage back.
I wondered what changed his mind? So you don't think I should do it? No, I do not.
You're one-third motorcycle, you broke every bone in your body, - and you have an udder for a thumb.
- You're right.
Hey, you want some milk for your coffee? Just a little bit.
(Easy listening music playing) (Theme music playing) (Dog growls, barks)