Little Mosque on the Prairie (2007) s04e11 Episode Script

Ah.
Someone's in a good mood.
You never see a sad guy whistling.
You have never seen Joe.
Creepy.
But you seem on top of the world.
- I thought you'd be stressed.
- Stressed? Why? Yasir's off in Lebanon so your second best friend is gone.
Yasir is my best friend.
Wow.
Way to twist that knife.
So, no.
I am not stressed.
In fact, I have reached a place of spiritual detachment.
Nothing could get me stressed! Amaar, the mosque is on fire! What? Oh, no, no.
I'm kidding.
Kidding.
Kidding, everybody.
Ha.
If only it were true.
That didn't feel good, did it? No, but that's exactly what I'm going to have to say if we don't rewire the place right away.
Did you have to scare me like that? Have to? No.
Anyway, short story long, we're cutting off the power for the weekend.
What? For the whole weekend? You can't turn it on any sooner? And make them work the weekend? That's a bit rude, isn't it? Okay, so maybe I am a little stressed.
A little stressed? I've never seen anyone as stressed as you.
Okay, maybe I have.
So take a break.
You don't have any power for the weekend.
Why don't you get away? Ooh! What about camping? I'm not really the camping type.
Although, the Prophet, peace be upon him, did go out into the wilderness alone for some time to reflect.
You know what? I'm going to do it.
I am going to go into the woods and spend some time alone! And I'm going with you! Oh God.
Season 4 Episode 11 The Great Indoors This will be amazing! You, me, and the quiet splendour of nature.
Psshh! Which reminds me I'll need beer.
Look, Nate, what about your paper? You can't just leave it.
Meh, no problem.
I got someone to cover me.
Ooh, chief, chief, hot tip.
It seems Jeff the barber doesn't have a current barber's license.
This is going to blow the town wide open! Take that ball and run with it, kid.
Wait, wait! - Does Jeff advertise with us? - Not anymore.
- Nail him to the wall! - Yeah! That kid's hungry.
Reminds me of myself at his age.
Except, he's hungry figuratively.
I was so fat! Fine.
How fat were you, Nate? Amaar, I had a problem.
That is so cruel.
Look, Nate.
The reason I am going is to spend some time alone! I hear that.
- By myself.
- Totally.
Without you! Ouch.
Fatty gets left behind.
Again! Don't eat your feelings.
Reach for the top, not the chocolate.
Can you please stop that? Subhan'Allah! We love camping! We will come with you.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You were not invited! You would abandon your congregation? I thought you were a better imam than that.
- No, you didn't.
- Okay, that's true.
But we really want to go camping.
Please? Fine.
But, everyone.
This is not a "camping trip".
This is time for serious and meaningful introspection.
Of course.
I'll bring the Frisbee! And I shall bring the halal marshmallows.
We shall be in s'more country! Ooh, yum! Mom, I'm impressed! Ah! Well whoop.
Ein hello! Hamoudi Construction? Nein.
Das is ein German place.
Ah! Well, look at you.
Dodging calls, faking accents.
You really are a contractor.
Oh, I am completely swamped.
Your father's set an ambitious schedule.
I mean, he's had the church job for two weeks and he's already four weeks behind.
- So, what are you going to do? - Stand up to Thorne.
No matter how angry he gets, I'm going to tell him he has to be patient.
If he can't handle it he just has to look somewhere else.
Good for you.
Tough but fair.
Sarah! You look lovely today.
Okay! Okay, okay, you caught me! I'm sorry! I'll get it done as soon as I can.
Please don't fire me.
Tough but fair.
Fire you? Now, why would I fire someone as lovely as you? Oh! Uh, because we're four weeks behind? Really? I didn't know that.
Can we pretend I said two weeks? No, no, no.
How about we pretend that the work will be done by Monday or God's cheques may begin to bounce, hm? Oh! This is going to be fun! Fun? It's a weekend away with Baber and Faisal.
That's a good time cocktail.
Just add Nate and stir! It's not a party.
Not until you have the Nate-tails.
It's not a party at all.
It's just a chance for me to get away and reflect.
And we will have a chance to discuss your many faults.
I brought a list! I brought one too! If they overlap, we don't get points.
Oh, I love camping games! This will be fun! And thorough.
You see? That's the spirit! Well, what's going on here? A group of Muslim men heading off into the woods together? Do I smell a training camp? We're just camping.
Camping? Did someone say the magic word? - Please? - And thank you! You don't got to ask me twice.
I didn't ask you once.
I just said, "please"! Stop begging, will you? I said I'd come.
Oh, we'd love to have you, Fred.
But you see, Joe's driving us and he's only got room up front for four, so Oh, that's okay, somebody can ride in the back of the truck.
Shotgun! - Shotgun! - Shotgun! - Back! - Aw, dang it.
Wait, did you did you call back? Sucker! Who calls back? Now you can't ride in the front with the rest of us! Oh darn it! Oh, the guys are taking a little coffee break? No.
Why? Well, it's just they're all standing around drinking coffee.
Oh, no.
They told me they had to wait for the saw to warm up.
That's right, Mrs.
H.
Don't want to use a cold saw.
That doesn't make any sense.
Well, I thought so too, but they have to know what they're doing, they're in a union.
Yeah, have they done any work today? Oh, they cut some boards just a little while ago.
Carl, how many boards have you cut? Mrs.
H.
Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
- With a cold saw? Well, how'd they cut that with a cold saw? Yeah, Carl.
How did you? Well, see, the saw was hot, but then, you know, it cooled down.
Oh.
Do you know what a flange is? - No.
- I Yeah, it's the flange.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sure it is.
Mom.
They are walking all over you! They are working as hard as they can! Mrs.
H.
Uh-huh? I think I got a splinter.
Then what are you still doing here? You get home and take care of that! All right.
I'll be back to pick you guys up in a couple of days.
What? You're not staying? No, thanks.
This is a toxic personality mix.
Classic powder keg situation.
Don't you guys know anything about group dynamics? Perfect.
Social tips from a troubled loner.
Ooh, guys Where are the tents? I might have taken them out of the truck to make room for the food.
Huh.
Uh-oh, where's the food? Uh-oh.
I might have taken it out to make room for the beer.
Uh-oh! Where's the beer? No worries, my friendlies.
Code of the road: no beer left behind.
Perfect.
Mom.
You're way too easy on the crew.
It's almost lunch and they haven't got anything done.
Oh, that reminds me! I'm making cucumber sandwiches and I've got to remove those crusts! Mom.
Stop babying them.
You're too lovable! You take that back! Wait.
Isn't that a good thing? Not when you need to be firm.
All right! Playtime is over.
We have lights that need to be wired, and they need to be wired now! Let's go! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Ooh, that's more like it! A whistle! Now, that's how a business should operate! - Mom.
- Yeah? - You're in the way.
Oh.
Give me a bite.
You already had a bite and you know it! That is a vicious lie! That was not a bite, it was a nibble.
What are you two fighting about now? We found a granola bar and Faisal is hogging it.
I have one in my bag! That is where we found it.
Nate.
Why are you so relaxed? Amaar, I can rise above anything thanks to Inner Peace.
It's my favourite brand! Plus, it's really cheap.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
We can't go two days without food, water, or shelter! Yeah, I know.
We're doomed! No, we are not.
I'm going to walk back to the highway and get some help.
Masha'Allah, Amaar! Some would call that very heroic! Not me.
But some.
Yeah, kiddo.
That's mighty white of you.
Hm? Oh, sorry.
After a few beers, my dad comes out.
In the meantime, I've got another granola bar in my jacket.
I told you to check his jacket! I'll be back before you know it.
Ah Let's pick up the pace, people.
We've got a deadline here.
Look, Mrs.
H Junior.
We just can't go any faster.
Really? Yousef, can you go any faster? Yes.
But Yousef doesn't speak English.
Says you.
Yousef, do you speak English? Oh, yes.
Are you sure you're not working them too hard? They seem miserable! I wouldn't say "miserable".
Really? Yousef, are you miserable? Oh, yes.
That's not fair.
Yousef doesn't speak any English.
Whoa, what are you doing? Lunch.
I hope you like crab cakes! Again? - Yup! - No! No more crab cakes, no more finger sandwiches, and no more quiches! No more quiches? You know we're union, right? Eat on your own time then, because we've got sconces to finish! Okay, enough of this! I'm tired of being bossed! Well, I'm not tired of being boss.
And I'm going to be boss for the foreseeable future! - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hmm.
We quit! - Oh no! - Wha I-I didn't foresee that happening, boss.
Ahh Reverend? What are you doing here? Amaar! I'm, uh nothing I'm just, uh you know Are you are you bird watching? No well I'm watching and now that you mention it, yes, there are a few birds here.
Yeah, plus you have a bird watching book in your hand there.
What? Am I supposed to say, "No, Mother.
"I don't want this award-winning aviary compendium with a new afterword by Gore Vidal.
" I'm not a fool! This just gets better and better! All right, fine, fine.
You caught me.
But the only thing that makes life in Mercy bearable is the sight of a Scissor-tailed Flycatcher taking wing.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Bird watching.
It's called birding! Okay? And it's a noble and majestic pastime with a storied history I won't tell anyone.
Thank God.
Actually, I'm glad I ran into you.
A bunch of us were camping and we got stuck out here without any supplies! And you need to be rescued? Well, I wouldn't say rescue I would.
Lead on, my child.
This saviour looks forward to meeting his grateful "save-ees".
Yeah, this w - They're here? Okay.
- Yeah.
"Birding".
Oh, those poor people.
Waiting for a prophet to lead them from the wilderness.
Or maybe give them a sandwich and a tent.
Hey, slow down.
I don't know if I'd call me a hero.
No one said hero.
Not yet.
How far is it to camp, anyway? Well, they should be right through here! Or not! Huh.
This isn't right.
Where are they? Wait.
I see something! - Campsite? - Better! A Chestnut-sided Warbler! Wow! Uh-huh.
Okay, okay.
Well, thank you.
There is no way we are going to get an electrician on such short notice.
All booked up? No, they heard about how you treated the last crew.
Yasir left me in charge and I'm going to lose his best client! Sarah Hamoudi will not let that happen! Are you with me? You don't think we're going to finish this, do you? So camping with the boys.
Yep.
Sounds like fun.
Yep.
I thought Islam had a rule against fun.
- You're hilarious.
- I know.
But really, Muslims have a lot of rules, you know? No pork.
No dancing.
No gambling.
No alcohol.
- No flirting.
- Hah.
No touching the left side of a red flag on a day with a letter "u" in it.
That's very funny.
Yeah, sure, we've got a lot of rules, but you guys have a lot of gods.
Really? That's your comeback? I'm just saying.
The Trinity? Seriously.
We have one true God.
What about Jesus? Well, he's the same God, but different.
What about the Holy Ghost? Well, He's okay, fine.
It's a divine mystery, all right? - Let's just walk.
- No, no.
Wait a second.
How much further do you think it is to your car? You tell me.
I was following you.
No, I'm following you! You're the hero, remember? I never said that! Come on.
How long are we going to listen to that? Fine! Way to spoil the mood, scooter.
All I got is that and the sounds of the Scissor-tailed Flycatcher.
Hm.
I don't know about this.
Oh, how hard can it be? There, we're all wired up.
Now hit the switch.
Rayyan! I think you need to reverse those two wires.
Oh! All right, that should take care of it.
Now hit the switch! - Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! - Sorry! All right, try this.
Let me.
You're doing it wrong! I'm doing it wrong? You're doing it wrong.
I'm not doing it wrong.
I read the book.
Oh this is useless.
We're never going to figure this out - and it's all your fault.
- My fault? If you hadn't been so soft on the guys this would be done by now.
And if you hadn't been so hard on them, they wouldn't have quit! Yousef.
Are you okay? Yes? Let's try it again.
This is a great idea! We play a drinking game.
Winner takes a granola bar! There and "Bammo"! That, my friendlies, is how it is done.
Drink up.
We do not drink! I'll drink for you.
All right, Babatollah.
Your toss.
Ah, that is, um too much like gambling.
I could never do it.
- You're out.
- Yeah, you're gone.
Yeah.
Guess it's between you nd me, buddy.
You're on, Buster Brown.
Ah! God.
I hate being out in the wild at night.
I know! Me too.
There's no bed, no kitchen, certainly no bathroom! Or, looked at another way, it's all bathroom.
- Okay, that is unappealing.
- Yeah.
Okay, you know what? I'm going to sit down for a second.
Good idea.
I thought all you prairie boys were outdoorsy.
Look, we had this conversation.
I'm from Toronto, remember? Oh, right.
Post Road? - Trinity Saint Paul.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, Toronto.
I close my eyes and wake up at a table at Terroni.
You know what my favourite dish is there? The spaghetti al limone.
That's my favourite! - Really? - Yeah.
- Huh.
- Huh.
So, if you hate camping so much, why are you out here? Well, I, um needed to find some time, you know? Alone.
Yeah.
It's the job.
It can get to you.
Yup.
Okay, that is not a normal owl.
Look, Mom, I'm sorry.
I can't help but feel partly responsible for all this.
Partly? Your bossiness lost me my crew! To be fair, you were kind of soft on them.
No, I wasn't! I was very soft on them.
Sometimes you have to step up and do the hard thing.
And if someone is getting in your way and making your job impossible, - you have to do something about it! - Exactly! - So you're fired! - What? Oh, it's just not working out between us.
Oh, wow.
Being tough feels great! Huh! Good for you! Now for the next step Get on the phone and get your crew back! I was going to say a generous severance package, but okay.
That's when they knew the call was coming from inside the car.
Bo-ring.
Look, we are grown men.
Nothing is going to scare us that easily.
Guys, you forgot something.
What was that? Uh, that strangely sounded like Baber.
It sounded like a little girl.
Huh, that's Baber, all right.
Should we head towards the sound? Good idea, yes! We'll wander through the woods trip and fall into a ditch and get eaten by owls.
All to save that crazy Baber.
Aw, Baber's not that crazy.
I can't believe I just said that.
He just represents a certain percentage of the mosque.
Ah.
You know, you're not like them at all.
Oh.
Thank you.
So why are they part of your congregation? Well, they chose me.
You mean they chose your mosque? Uh, no.
It's their mosque.
And they chose me to be their imam.
- Ah - So I have to be An imam for the people? - You got it.
- Ha.
All of them.
Hm.
So if enough of them didn't want you as their imam anymore? Ah I'd be out.
Huh.
Anyway thanks for the water.
Good night.
Hope you get some sleep.
Oh, I have a feeling I'm going to sleep like a baby.
All right, keep it up! Oh We haven't got all day! - Mrs.
H? - Mm-hmm.
I think I got a blister? Oh no, are you okay? Meh.
Oh, well, go get a Band-Aid and then get right back here.
We can't stop for every little old blister! Hop to it! Look at you! There's no more naps at work.
Only an hour and a half for lunch and oh, look, look.
I made snacks.
Peanie B & Js! Well, what's so tough about that? - I kept the crusts on! - Oh.
Oh, here it comes again, boys.
The taskmaster.
Here to crack the whip? No, I'm done.
Really? Yeah, she fired me.
Her own daughter? What can I say? You do what you have to do.
Sandwich? Uh, no thanks.
I-I-I've got work to do.
Uh, let's get cracking, boys! Nice job, Mom! You're a hard case! Even I'm a little intimidated by me.
Dad's going to be so proud of you.
Where are you going? I have to take the crusts off.
What am I, a monster? I saw the Flycatcher, Daddy.
It was beautiful.
But then it flew away.
Did it find you? Di ahem.
- Morning.
- Morning.
How about some personal space? - Ha.
Sorry, my bad.
- Yeah.
How are we going to find the others? I guess I could take you.
If you like.
Joe! How did you find us? I followed the sleep-babbling.
Someone's a talker.
- Ha.
- Ouch.
You going to take that, Amaar? Come on, ladies.
Breakfast's getting cold.
There you are! You go for help and you bring him? Hey, Rev! - How do you like your eggs? - Ah.
Keep in mind I can only do scrambled.
Could you people please keep your voices down? So you guys had tents and food? - Mm.
- So much food! Almost too much.
All thanks to Joe.
Well, looks like we spent our night out there for nothing! Oh, I wouldn't say it was for nothing.
Baber, good to see you.
Do you have a sec? You know, we never talk.
I talk all the time.
You never listen.
Well, I'm going to start.
So tell me, um, are you happy with our mosque? So, how was your trip? Did you find what you were looking for? No, but I may have found what I needed.
You know, the Rev may not be all that bad - once you actually get to know him.
- Oh.
What in the Book of Luke is going on here? I have a sermon in an hour! You can't still be working? You were saying? Oh, I'm sorry.
We'll have it done in time.
No, not good enough.
Not nearly good enough.
I'm tired of your shoddy work and ridiculous timelines! Really? I kind of like the work.
I wanted to ask, did you use a scissortail for this? Ah Fine yes.
Carry on.
Just, uh, just be out of here in an hour, okay? Bye, Amaar.
- What was that about? - Oh, long story.
But for the record, guys, this place is really coming along.
Nice work! Oh, thank you.
What does it look like with the lights on? - Amaar! - No! Subtitle by: Kiasuseven