NewsRadio (1995) s04e11 Episode Script
Chock
Happy birthday, Dave.
Thanks, Bill.
How did you know it was my birthday? Beth came around asking everybody to chip in on a cake for the surprise party they're having for you later.
But I got you something on my own instead.
Well-- Well, thanks, Bill.
That's very nice.
It's one of my favorite books.
Thought you'd like it.
Huh.
Crazy From The Heat by David Lee Roth.
He's, uh-- He's from Van Halen, right? I don't know what town he's from.
But apparently he was some kind of musician before he started writing.
Great read.
Plus, you could pretty much finish it in one night.
Guess who! Ah! David! What the hell are you doing here? Well, is it, or is it not your birthday? Oh, man.
Yes.
Hey, wow.
Hey, Bill, this is one of my oldest and best friends from college, David Jackson.
Hi, guy.
Anyway, the third chapter is really my favorite part.
He's from Wisconsin too.
Uh, Milwaukee.
Well, Cedar Heights, to be exact, if you want to be exact about it.
Hey, let's not get into that again.
Oh, I know! [ Chuckles .]
Okay.
So anyway, there's this long passage about some bad investment-- Bill, there's something I just want to get out in the open right now.
When we were in college, David and I were both members of a-- an all-male a cappella quartet.
Yeah.
We called ourselves-- Don't tell him that.
Why not? Okay.
What the hell.
Go on.
We were called-- Chock Full O' Notes I thought you were gonna do that with me.
Hmm? What? Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Well-- Tell you what.
Come get the book when you're bored with this guy.
Wow.
So how-- how'd you get the time off? I thought you were managing both stores now.
I was.
I quit.
- You quit? - Yeah.
I wanted to be here on the big day.
- What big day? - The big three-two.
You quit your job to be here with me on my 32nd birthday? Yes! All right.
Quit the screwin' around.
Where's the birthday boy? [ Dave .]
Oh, man! Bob! What the hell? - How long have you guys been planning this? - Ten long years.
Come here! [ Growling, Laughing .]
This is another one of my oldest friends, Bob.
He was in the a cappella group too.
Say, what's going on here? Are you guys getting the old group back together for one more shot at the big time? Well, it's not gonna be easy, but yeah.
We're gonna give it a shot.
[ Chuckles .]
Yeah, right.
[ Sniffs .]
The popular music scene is pretty competitive, but, you know, we got this dream.
Hey! It's one part dream, one part sound business decision.
Sounds like you guys are pretty serious about this.
Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, indeed.
Yes, sir.
Huh? Um, well, no, it seems like, uh, maybe you and-and we have, uh-- Maybe we have some things to talk about.
Ah, screw the talk! Let's sing! One, two-- One, two, three, four No, let's talk! Just talk.
Well, here they are, Jim-- the three tenors.
[ Chuckling .]
He's a baritone.
[ Laughing .]
Yeah, Dave-- [ Clears Throat .]
Bill was saying that you're thinking of quitting your job and join some kind of all-male chorus.
Is that right? Well, actually, um, Chock Full o'Notes split up after our final performance at Badger Jam '88.
After which we made the pact.
Ooh, a pact.
Let me guess: no girls allowed.
[ Laughs .]
What kind of pact was that? Well, we all swore that if we turned 32 and we were all still bachelors, we'd reunite and make a go of it.
See, now that's-- that's the part I really don't remember.
Thank God I got it in writing.
[ Sighs .]
You did? - Did you pull up those articles on the sanitation strike? - [ Laughs .]
Yeah, you wish.
I haven't even finished cataloging these tapes yet.
Well, it-it's really kind of important.
What I'm doing is kind of important to me right now, and I'm having a hard time concentrating on what you're-- You're playing computer solitaire! Yeah.
Have you ever played? It's a blast.
Matthew.
Yeah? We all worked very hard to get you your job back, so maybe you should think about working.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
King of spades, king of spades.
Got it.
Okay.
Now, what-- You guys worked very hard to do what? I'm sorry.
That's it! Start paying attention, stop acting like an idiot, and catalog those tapes like I told you to! Yeah, b-but I-- Just do it! Okay.
Dude, that was a little harsh.
What? So now you want a piece of me? Is that it? No.
Not at all.
Good.
I always knew she'd ask me that someday, I just didn't think it was gonna be in that tone.
Look, guys, I don't want to be a jerk about this, and I don't want to get into a debate on the legal merits of a contract written on a-- on a Denny's place mat, but isn't Brian married? - Engaged, but not married.
- Yeah, but still-- - We checked.
- Yeah, but still, we couldn't do this without Brian.
It just wouldn't be Chock Full o'Notes without Brian.
Well, then I guess it is Chock Full o'Notes.
Brian! Hey! Dude! We didn't think you were gonna make it! Yeah, actually, I almost forgot.
But it was my 32nd birthday last week.
And I knew there was something I was supposed to remember.
And then I remembered, and I left the party and got in my car and drove here.
Oh, well, hey, thanks for doing that, Bri.
Hey, enough B.
S.
-ing, guys.
Let's sing! Yeah! Two, three-- A three, a fo-- Hold-- - Whoa, whoa.
Can I help you? - I wanna watch this.
Brian.
I'm sorry, sir, this is a closed rehearsal.
Let it go, Joe.
Then I lost my temper, and I yelled at him.
I know.
I saw it.
It was awesome.
[ Sighs .]
I didn't mean to do it.
- Problems at home? - No.
The only problem I have is sitting right out-- Oh, God, Beth, he's crying! Big whoop.
I make men cry all the time.
Yes, but this isn't closing time at T.
G.
I.
Friday's.
I shouldn't be yelling at him like that.
If you're upset about problems at home, there's no reason you shouldn't take 'em out on Matthew.
Misplaced anger can be a very great motivator.
I don't have any problems at home.
- All right.
We got a problem.
- What? Matthew's crying.
Yeah, we know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure one of Dave's singing friends did it.
No, Joe.
I did it.
It's my fault.
[ Clicks Tongue .]
Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure it was one of the singing guys.
Joe, you were there when Lisa yelled at him.
[ Clicks Tongue .]
You're right.
Damn! - Why do you even care? - I don't know.
For some reason, I really want to kick that big singing-guy's ass.
So if you need that done for any reason, I'll be around.
Lisa-- [ Clears Throat .]
I finished cataloging that-- that box of tapes like you asked.
Okay.
Thank you, Matthew.
[ Mumbles .]
And I'm sor-- Guys, I just think a cappella singing is kind of a specialized niche.
Look, if wanting to storm the pop charts with a style of music that most Americans find extremely gay, or in some other way distasteful, makes me a loser, then fine.
Guilty as charged.
Bob, you're really into this too? No.
But I made a promise, and I keep my promises.
- Well, you don't seem too happy about it.
- I'm not happy! I was about to make partner at my law firm, and I quit for Chock! You did not.
Yes, I did.
I quit for Chock.
I-I quit for Chock also.
Yeah, okay, but, uh, I was a highly paid civil litigation lawyer, and you worked at a comic book store.
Hey, my work made your work possible! Now you're being sagacious.
What are you talking-- Guys, guys, come on.
Let's not get into one of these things, all right? Okay.
I'm okay.
Sorry.
All right.
Can I ask a question? - Of course, Brian.
- I've been trying to follow this, and it seems like you guys are talking about not doing the singing thing.
Yeah, well, Dave certainly is.
I wish you would have told me before I canceled my wedding.
Brian, please tell me you didn't cancel your wedding just for this.
Well, the contract said you had to be 32 and unmarried, so what was I supposed to do? Oh, Brian.
She was a good woman too.
Loved a cappella music.
Guys, let me get some work done, then we'll continue this discussion later, okay? Come on, Dave! Just try it on once, for old time's sake.
- But we never wore those.
- That's because we weren't professionals back then.
Look, guys, I really need to get some work done.
Hey, whoa! Whoa! Wai-Wait, whoa! Dave, you didn't-- you didn't tell me they were a barbershop quartet.
I love-- I love barbershop.
Terrific.
I knew I'd seen these jackets somewhere before! Sir, we are most definitely not a barbershop quartet.
What's wrong with barbershop? I don't know.
Uh, everything? You know, it's a bastardization of the form.
It's an entirely sagacious format of music.
I mean-- - You guys do any doo-wop numbers? - Oh, right.
Like Sha Na Na? Yeah.
Thanks, Bowser.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
Bowser.
[ Tauntingly .]
Just get it over with.
Well, maybe I can tell them I'll sing with them part-time, you know, like on weekends, that sort of thing.
Dave, there comes a time in every friendship when you have to say, "I never liked you.
Get lost.
" Now that time has come.
Look, Bill, I really don't expect you to understand this sort of thing.
No.
I know exactly what you're going through.
I was in a very similar position once.
You were? Yes, in the sixth grade.
My three dearest friends and I made a lifelong pact that we would be best buddies forever.
But then they hit puberty before I did, and they kicked me out of the group, pulled down my pants in front of a bunch of girls and beat me up.
That's not similar at all! Isn't it, Dave? No, it isn't.
Fine.
If you can't handle this, it looks like I'll have to.
No, Bill, I don't want you to hurt their feelings.
I won't.
Yes, you will.
Oh, that's not my style! Yes, it is.
Matthew, have I ever hurt your feelings? You, Bill? No, never.
See? Lisa, on the other hand-- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, fellas.
You mind if I interrupt your bull "sesh" for a second? Now, I haven't known Dave as long as you guys have, but I consider him a friend.
Ah, who am I kidding? I love the little guy.
And it would just break my heart if he left me and all his new friends here just to join some barbershop quartet.
Sir, we are most definitely not a barbershop quartet.
Oh.
Well, what the hell are you guys? We are an a cappella group, thank you very much.
Sir, what is it about the three of us and our music that you don't like? [ Sobbing .]
Bri-Bri! [ Sobbing .]
Uh, are you feeling better, Matthew? [ Sighs .]
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
In fact, I'm-I'm-- I'm writing a song.
Oh.
I-I didn't know you wrote music.
Well, I just do the lyrics-- you know, mostly protest songs, stuff with a message.
Do you know a word that rhymes with unicorn? Did you finish those tapes? Oh, yeah.
Yes, I did, boss.
Good! Good job.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Now I just need these in my office, thanks.
Okay, well, here they are.
Take 'em away.
Matthew? Yeah? Get your butt up and take these tapes back to Lisa's office like you should have done, and do it now! What? Now! Okay! Let's go! Pronto! Okay, okay! What did you do that for? To get him to do the work.
Besides, my mother made me talk to my stepfather last night.
Oh, God.
- Matthew, Matthew, Matthew.
- I'm such an idiot.
You're not an idiot.
You're just saying that.
No, I'm not, Matthew.
Well, Beth obviously thinks I'm an idiot.
She doesn't think you're an idiot.
Beth doesn't think you're an idiot.
Beth, you don't think Matthew's an idiot, right? Could you please, for me, tell him that you don't think he-- Unicorn Matthew! Get those tapes into my office immediately! Sorry.
Lisa, what-- what exactly is going on here? Nothing, sir.
Nothing.
Everything's fine.
I can't find the tapes.
They're on the table by the stairs.
All right.
All right.
How many times have I told you? If you have problems, you leave 'em at home! Matthew is the problem, sir.
Ohh.
Oh, you and Matthew are having a little relationship outside the office.
I see.
You know, David, I'm sorry that I don't want to do this-- Why be sorry? You think I want to go through with this? Well, based on every single word you've said since you got here, yeah.
Dave, I live in my parents' garage with the car.
I work in a comic-book store.
And even I find something humiliating about four grown men making a career out of a musical style that even old people hate.
Why the hell are you here? Because I don't want to break those guys' hearts.
You know, they've blown their whole lives to pursue this stupid-ass dream, and I just can't do that to them.
Well, look.
I love those guys as much as you do, but do you really expect me to change my life to make them happy? Yes! I did! There's no turning back now! I quit my job, and I moved out, and my parents got a second car, so, you know, now-- now I'm essentially homeless, you know.
Unless they park at an angle.
Then I could squeeze in.
Yeah, I-- I'd have enough room.
I understand.
I understand.
Look, you know-- you know, David, I'll uh-- Just give me some time to think about it, okay? Okay.
And don't mention it to them.
I won't.
My man.
[ Laughs .]
That's right.
[ Chuckling .]
Dave.
Huh? Brian, you scared me there.
Don't be scared of me, dude.
I'm not like I used to be.
No, no.
I just meant you kind of snuck up on me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was hoping we could talk alone.
I mean, if it's cool.
Sure.
What's up? It's about the singing thing.
It seems like a really bad idea.
Ah, I see.
I see.
You don't really want to go through with this either, but you gave your word and don't want to let the guys down, right? Could you repeat the question? I'm just starting to get the feeling-- not based on anything-- just a feeling that I'm getting-- that maybe none of us really wants to be in Chock Full.
Well, wait.
What? Yeah.
You know, maybe we're just all going through this so that we don't let the other guys down.
Well, the last thing that I'd ever want to do is to let any of you guys down.
Yeah.
What about you, Brian? Yes.
Me too.
So, it seems kind of silly to go through with something that nobody really wants to do.
Hold it.
Are you serious? None of you guys wants to do this? Oh.
Okay.
Are you insane? I didn't quit my law firm just to have you wussies back out on me! - We're doing this! - Well, I'm sure they'd take you back.
No, they wouldn't, okay? 'Cause I didn't quit.
- I was fired.
- Why? For singing too much! I wanted to keep my pipes in shape for the grand reunion! But I guess I was the only guy willing to lay my butt on the line for all-male a cappella singing.
Bob, just take it easy.
No one's quitting, right, guys? Yes.
Dave, I-I don't know where you come up with these crazy ideas that no one wants to do it! [ Laughing .]
Oh, yeah.
You had me going there, man.
No, Matthew, I'm-I'm not saying you're not allowed to cry at work.
I'm just trying to keep the lines of communication open here.
Matthew, I just want you to do your job.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I promise that I'll try to be a hard worker, if Lisa promises that no matter what kind of problems you're having at home, that she just leaves them there, and doesn't drag 'em into the office and take 'em out on me.
Okay.
That sounds fair to me.
Lisa? 'Cause you know what? When I have problems, I'll write a song.
Yeah, all right, Matthew.
Or sometimes I'll play a little computer solitaire.
Okay.
But my point is-- Sometimes when I'm really tense-- Matthew-- I just feel like I just gotta shake out the sillies.
Matthew-- You know, just shake them out.
Matthew-- Come on, Lisa.
Shake out the sillies.
Yeah, shake 'em out.
Shake 'em out.
Matthew! I'm trying to work something out here, and I-I don't need you bouncing around like some kind of freakin' lab monkey! You see? Everyone has problems at home.
Even Mr.
James.
- No.
I don't have any problems! - Then why are you yelling? Because he's shaking out the sillies! [ Beth Crying .]
You don't need to yell at her because you're mad at Matthew.
I'm not yelling at him! I'm yelling at you! I know! But this isn't helping to teach-- You understand-- Matthew-- What the hell is wrong with you, son? We're having a knock-down, drag-out for your benefit, and you-you-- you just disappear? It's 6:00.
Oh.
6:00? You wanna go get a drink? Yeah, I'll go.
Excellent.
You get going.
I'll meet you down there.
Hold it, hold it! - No-- No yelling, Lisa.
I mean, we're off the clock.
- What? I know you're upset.
You know what you have to do.
- What? - Whatever problems you have, just leave 'em at work.
All right.
Let's go get loaded.
Okay? [ Sniffling .]
Wait.
We're getting drinks.
Is it 6:00 already? I've got to get a watch.
Uh-huh.
[ Jimmy .]
Let's go.
[ Dave .]
I feel so guilty.
I mean-- [ Bill .]
I know, Dave.
But it's like my father used to say.
When I was a child, I thought as a child and spoke as a child.
But when I became a man, I took that child out back and had him shot.
Bill, was your father in the Khmer Rouge? Automotive sales.
Hey, Dave.
Last chance for Chock.
Yeah.
Hey, you guys, um-- I really respect you guys keeping your dream alive, and I wish I could be part of it, but, uh, really, I just can't.
Yeah.
Well, we figured, but it's not gonna stop us.
We're taking our music to the people.
Right, guys? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, Dave, you know, I don't really go in for sentimental crap, but since we're saying good-bye, we might as well do it with a song.
[ Pitch Tone .]
[ Humming Pitch .]
[ Off-key Vocalizing .]
Somebody's off Not me Yeah Somebody's off It's not you It's somebody else [ Off Key .]
I might be a little off Not a little.
Way off, man! Come on.
What? It's been, like, 10 years.
Yeah.
And in all that time, you couldn't find a few hours a day to set aside to practice? We had lives, dude.
I mean, you guys did.
I guess you guys thought we would get together and stroll to the top of the charts? - Look, Bob, come on.
- You know, back out! Okay? You're not even in the group anymore.
- Yeah, but there's no reason for this to turn ugly.
- Screw this, all right? You're all out of the group, and I'm outta here.
Well, now you're being sagacious.
Hey, shut up, all right? That's my word.
All right.
The next time you guys see me, I'm gonna be up on a stage with three guys who give a hoot! - Well, uh, you guys wanna get a drink? - Yeah.
- Wanna come along, Bill? - Sure.
Where are we going? I don't know.
How about one of those bars downstairs? [ Brian .]
Dave? Mm-hmm? What does "sagacious" mean?
Thanks, Bill.
How did you know it was my birthday? Beth came around asking everybody to chip in on a cake for the surprise party they're having for you later.
But I got you something on my own instead.
Well-- Well, thanks, Bill.
That's very nice.
It's one of my favorite books.
Thought you'd like it.
Huh.
Crazy From The Heat by David Lee Roth.
He's, uh-- He's from Van Halen, right? I don't know what town he's from.
But apparently he was some kind of musician before he started writing.
Great read.
Plus, you could pretty much finish it in one night.
Guess who! Ah! David! What the hell are you doing here? Well, is it, or is it not your birthday? Oh, man.
Yes.
Hey, wow.
Hey, Bill, this is one of my oldest and best friends from college, David Jackson.
Hi, guy.
Anyway, the third chapter is really my favorite part.
He's from Wisconsin too.
Uh, Milwaukee.
Well, Cedar Heights, to be exact, if you want to be exact about it.
Hey, let's not get into that again.
Oh, I know! [ Chuckles .]
Okay.
So anyway, there's this long passage about some bad investment-- Bill, there's something I just want to get out in the open right now.
When we were in college, David and I were both members of a-- an all-male a cappella quartet.
Yeah.
We called ourselves-- Don't tell him that.
Why not? Okay.
What the hell.
Go on.
We were called-- Chock Full O' Notes I thought you were gonna do that with me.
Hmm? What? Oh, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Well-- Tell you what.
Come get the book when you're bored with this guy.
Wow.
So how-- how'd you get the time off? I thought you were managing both stores now.
I was.
I quit.
- You quit? - Yeah.
I wanted to be here on the big day.
- What big day? - The big three-two.
You quit your job to be here with me on my 32nd birthday? Yes! All right.
Quit the screwin' around.
Where's the birthday boy? [ Dave .]
Oh, man! Bob! What the hell? - How long have you guys been planning this? - Ten long years.
Come here! [ Growling, Laughing .]
This is another one of my oldest friends, Bob.
He was in the a cappella group too.
Say, what's going on here? Are you guys getting the old group back together for one more shot at the big time? Well, it's not gonna be easy, but yeah.
We're gonna give it a shot.
[ Chuckles .]
Yeah, right.
[ Sniffs .]
The popular music scene is pretty competitive, but, you know, we got this dream.
Hey! It's one part dream, one part sound business decision.
Sounds like you guys are pretty serious about this.
Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, indeed.
Yes, sir.
Huh? Um, well, no, it seems like, uh, maybe you and-and we have, uh-- Maybe we have some things to talk about.
Ah, screw the talk! Let's sing! One, two-- One, two, three, four No, let's talk! Just talk.
Well, here they are, Jim-- the three tenors.
[ Chuckling .]
He's a baritone.
[ Laughing .]
Yeah, Dave-- [ Clears Throat .]
Bill was saying that you're thinking of quitting your job and join some kind of all-male chorus.
Is that right? Well, actually, um, Chock Full o'Notes split up after our final performance at Badger Jam '88.
After which we made the pact.
Ooh, a pact.
Let me guess: no girls allowed.
[ Laughs .]
What kind of pact was that? Well, we all swore that if we turned 32 and we were all still bachelors, we'd reunite and make a go of it.
See, now that's-- that's the part I really don't remember.
Thank God I got it in writing.
[ Sighs .]
You did? - Did you pull up those articles on the sanitation strike? - [ Laughs .]
Yeah, you wish.
I haven't even finished cataloging these tapes yet.
Well, it-it's really kind of important.
What I'm doing is kind of important to me right now, and I'm having a hard time concentrating on what you're-- You're playing computer solitaire! Yeah.
Have you ever played? It's a blast.
Matthew.
Yeah? We all worked very hard to get you your job back, so maybe you should think about working.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
King of spades, king of spades.
Got it.
Okay.
Now, what-- You guys worked very hard to do what? I'm sorry.
That's it! Start paying attention, stop acting like an idiot, and catalog those tapes like I told you to! Yeah, b-but I-- Just do it! Okay.
Dude, that was a little harsh.
What? So now you want a piece of me? Is that it? No.
Not at all.
Good.
I always knew she'd ask me that someday, I just didn't think it was gonna be in that tone.
Look, guys, I don't want to be a jerk about this, and I don't want to get into a debate on the legal merits of a contract written on a-- on a Denny's place mat, but isn't Brian married? - Engaged, but not married.
- Yeah, but still-- - We checked.
- Yeah, but still, we couldn't do this without Brian.
It just wouldn't be Chock Full o'Notes without Brian.
Well, then I guess it is Chock Full o'Notes.
Brian! Hey! Dude! We didn't think you were gonna make it! Yeah, actually, I almost forgot.
But it was my 32nd birthday last week.
And I knew there was something I was supposed to remember.
And then I remembered, and I left the party and got in my car and drove here.
Oh, well, hey, thanks for doing that, Bri.
Hey, enough B.
S.
-ing, guys.
Let's sing! Yeah! Two, three-- A three, a fo-- Hold-- - Whoa, whoa.
Can I help you? - I wanna watch this.
Brian.
I'm sorry, sir, this is a closed rehearsal.
Let it go, Joe.
Then I lost my temper, and I yelled at him.
I know.
I saw it.
It was awesome.
[ Sighs .]
I didn't mean to do it.
- Problems at home? - No.
The only problem I have is sitting right out-- Oh, God, Beth, he's crying! Big whoop.
I make men cry all the time.
Yes, but this isn't closing time at T.
G.
I.
Friday's.
I shouldn't be yelling at him like that.
If you're upset about problems at home, there's no reason you shouldn't take 'em out on Matthew.
Misplaced anger can be a very great motivator.
I don't have any problems at home.
- All right.
We got a problem.
- What? Matthew's crying.
Yeah, we know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure one of Dave's singing friends did it.
No, Joe.
I did it.
It's my fault.
[ Clicks Tongue .]
Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure it was one of the singing guys.
Joe, you were there when Lisa yelled at him.
[ Clicks Tongue .]
You're right.
Damn! - Why do you even care? - I don't know.
For some reason, I really want to kick that big singing-guy's ass.
So if you need that done for any reason, I'll be around.
Lisa-- [ Clears Throat .]
I finished cataloging that-- that box of tapes like you asked.
Okay.
Thank you, Matthew.
[ Mumbles .]
And I'm sor-- Guys, I just think a cappella singing is kind of a specialized niche.
Look, if wanting to storm the pop charts with a style of music that most Americans find extremely gay, or in some other way distasteful, makes me a loser, then fine.
Guilty as charged.
Bob, you're really into this too? No.
But I made a promise, and I keep my promises.
- Well, you don't seem too happy about it.
- I'm not happy! I was about to make partner at my law firm, and I quit for Chock! You did not.
Yes, I did.
I quit for Chock.
I-I quit for Chock also.
Yeah, okay, but, uh, I was a highly paid civil litigation lawyer, and you worked at a comic book store.
Hey, my work made your work possible! Now you're being sagacious.
What are you talking-- Guys, guys, come on.
Let's not get into one of these things, all right? Okay.
I'm okay.
Sorry.
All right.
Can I ask a question? - Of course, Brian.
- I've been trying to follow this, and it seems like you guys are talking about not doing the singing thing.
Yeah, well, Dave certainly is.
I wish you would have told me before I canceled my wedding.
Brian, please tell me you didn't cancel your wedding just for this.
Well, the contract said you had to be 32 and unmarried, so what was I supposed to do? Oh, Brian.
She was a good woman too.
Loved a cappella music.
Guys, let me get some work done, then we'll continue this discussion later, okay? Come on, Dave! Just try it on once, for old time's sake.
- But we never wore those.
- That's because we weren't professionals back then.
Look, guys, I really need to get some work done.
Hey, whoa! Whoa! Wai-Wait, whoa! Dave, you didn't-- you didn't tell me they were a barbershop quartet.
I love-- I love barbershop.
Terrific.
I knew I'd seen these jackets somewhere before! Sir, we are most definitely not a barbershop quartet.
What's wrong with barbershop? I don't know.
Uh, everything? You know, it's a bastardization of the form.
It's an entirely sagacious format of music.
I mean-- - You guys do any doo-wop numbers? - Oh, right.
Like Sha Na Na? Yeah.
Thanks, Bowser.
[ Chuckles .]
[ Chuckles .]
Bowser.
[ Tauntingly .]
Just get it over with.
Well, maybe I can tell them I'll sing with them part-time, you know, like on weekends, that sort of thing.
Dave, there comes a time in every friendship when you have to say, "I never liked you.
Get lost.
" Now that time has come.
Look, Bill, I really don't expect you to understand this sort of thing.
No.
I know exactly what you're going through.
I was in a very similar position once.
You were? Yes, in the sixth grade.
My three dearest friends and I made a lifelong pact that we would be best buddies forever.
But then they hit puberty before I did, and they kicked me out of the group, pulled down my pants in front of a bunch of girls and beat me up.
That's not similar at all! Isn't it, Dave? No, it isn't.
Fine.
If you can't handle this, it looks like I'll have to.
No, Bill, I don't want you to hurt their feelings.
I won't.
Yes, you will.
Oh, that's not my style! Yes, it is.
Matthew, have I ever hurt your feelings? You, Bill? No, never.
See? Lisa, on the other hand-- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, fellas.
You mind if I interrupt your bull "sesh" for a second? Now, I haven't known Dave as long as you guys have, but I consider him a friend.
Ah, who am I kidding? I love the little guy.
And it would just break my heart if he left me and all his new friends here just to join some barbershop quartet.
Sir, we are most definitely not a barbershop quartet.
Oh.
Well, what the hell are you guys? We are an a cappella group, thank you very much.
Sir, what is it about the three of us and our music that you don't like? [ Sobbing .]
Bri-Bri! [ Sobbing .]
Uh, are you feeling better, Matthew? [ Sighs .]
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
In fact, I'm-I'm-- I'm writing a song.
Oh.
I-I didn't know you wrote music.
Well, I just do the lyrics-- you know, mostly protest songs, stuff with a message.
Do you know a word that rhymes with unicorn? Did you finish those tapes? Oh, yeah.
Yes, I did, boss.
Good! Good job.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Now I just need these in my office, thanks.
Okay, well, here they are.
Take 'em away.
Matthew? Yeah? Get your butt up and take these tapes back to Lisa's office like you should have done, and do it now! What? Now! Okay! Let's go! Pronto! Okay, okay! What did you do that for? To get him to do the work.
Besides, my mother made me talk to my stepfather last night.
Oh, God.
- Matthew, Matthew, Matthew.
- I'm such an idiot.
You're not an idiot.
You're just saying that.
No, I'm not, Matthew.
Well, Beth obviously thinks I'm an idiot.
She doesn't think you're an idiot.
Beth doesn't think you're an idiot.
Beth, you don't think Matthew's an idiot, right? Could you please, for me, tell him that you don't think he-- Unicorn Matthew! Get those tapes into my office immediately! Sorry.
Lisa, what-- what exactly is going on here? Nothing, sir.
Nothing.
Everything's fine.
I can't find the tapes.
They're on the table by the stairs.
All right.
All right.
How many times have I told you? If you have problems, you leave 'em at home! Matthew is the problem, sir.
Ohh.
Oh, you and Matthew are having a little relationship outside the office.
I see.
You know, David, I'm sorry that I don't want to do this-- Why be sorry? You think I want to go through with this? Well, based on every single word you've said since you got here, yeah.
Dave, I live in my parents' garage with the car.
I work in a comic-book store.
And even I find something humiliating about four grown men making a career out of a musical style that even old people hate.
Why the hell are you here? Because I don't want to break those guys' hearts.
You know, they've blown their whole lives to pursue this stupid-ass dream, and I just can't do that to them.
Well, look.
I love those guys as much as you do, but do you really expect me to change my life to make them happy? Yes! I did! There's no turning back now! I quit my job, and I moved out, and my parents got a second car, so, you know, now-- now I'm essentially homeless, you know.
Unless they park at an angle.
Then I could squeeze in.
Yeah, I-- I'd have enough room.
I understand.
I understand.
Look, you know-- you know, David, I'll uh-- Just give me some time to think about it, okay? Okay.
And don't mention it to them.
I won't.
My man.
[ Laughs .]
That's right.
[ Chuckling .]
Dave.
Huh? Brian, you scared me there.
Don't be scared of me, dude.
I'm not like I used to be.
No, no.
I just meant you kind of snuck up on me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was hoping we could talk alone.
I mean, if it's cool.
Sure.
What's up? It's about the singing thing.
It seems like a really bad idea.
Ah, I see.
I see.
You don't really want to go through with this either, but you gave your word and don't want to let the guys down, right? Could you repeat the question? I'm just starting to get the feeling-- not based on anything-- just a feeling that I'm getting-- that maybe none of us really wants to be in Chock Full.
Well, wait.
What? Yeah.
You know, maybe we're just all going through this so that we don't let the other guys down.
Well, the last thing that I'd ever want to do is to let any of you guys down.
Yeah.
What about you, Brian? Yes.
Me too.
So, it seems kind of silly to go through with something that nobody really wants to do.
Hold it.
Are you serious? None of you guys wants to do this? Oh.
Okay.
Are you insane? I didn't quit my law firm just to have you wussies back out on me! - We're doing this! - Well, I'm sure they'd take you back.
No, they wouldn't, okay? 'Cause I didn't quit.
- I was fired.
- Why? For singing too much! I wanted to keep my pipes in shape for the grand reunion! But I guess I was the only guy willing to lay my butt on the line for all-male a cappella singing.
Bob, just take it easy.
No one's quitting, right, guys? Yes.
Dave, I-I don't know where you come up with these crazy ideas that no one wants to do it! [ Laughing .]
Oh, yeah.
You had me going there, man.
No, Matthew, I'm-I'm not saying you're not allowed to cry at work.
I'm just trying to keep the lines of communication open here.
Matthew, I just want you to do your job.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I promise that I'll try to be a hard worker, if Lisa promises that no matter what kind of problems you're having at home, that she just leaves them there, and doesn't drag 'em into the office and take 'em out on me.
Okay.
That sounds fair to me.
Lisa? 'Cause you know what? When I have problems, I'll write a song.
Yeah, all right, Matthew.
Or sometimes I'll play a little computer solitaire.
Okay.
But my point is-- Sometimes when I'm really tense-- Matthew-- I just feel like I just gotta shake out the sillies.
Matthew-- You know, just shake them out.
Matthew-- Come on, Lisa.
Shake out the sillies.
Yeah, shake 'em out.
Shake 'em out.
Matthew! I'm trying to work something out here, and I-I don't need you bouncing around like some kind of freakin' lab monkey! You see? Everyone has problems at home.
Even Mr.
James.
- No.
I don't have any problems! - Then why are you yelling? Because he's shaking out the sillies! [ Beth Crying .]
You don't need to yell at her because you're mad at Matthew.
I'm not yelling at him! I'm yelling at you! I know! But this isn't helping to teach-- You understand-- Matthew-- What the hell is wrong with you, son? We're having a knock-down, drag-out for your benefit, and you-you-- you just disappear? It's 6:00.
Oh.
6:00? You wanna go get a drink? Yeah, I'll go.
Excellent.
You get going.
I'll meet you down there.
Hold it, hold it! - No-- No yelling, Lisa.
I mean, we're off the clock.
- What? I know you're upset.
You know what you have to do.
- What? - Whatever problems you have, just leave 'em at work.
All right.
Let's go get loaded.
Okay? [ Sniffling .]
Wait.
We're getting drinks.
Is it 6:00 already? I've got to get a watch.
Uh-huh.
[ Jimmy .]
Let's go.
[ Dave .]
I feel so guilty.
I mean-- [ Bill .]
I know, Dave.
But it's like my father used to say.
When I was a child, I thought as a child and spoke as a child.
But when I became a man, I took that child out back and had him shot.
Bill, was your father in the Khmer Rouge? Automotive sales.
Hey, Dave.
Last chance for Chock.
Yeah.
Hey, you guys, um-- I really respect you guys keeping your dream alive, and I wish I could be part of it, but, uh, really, I just can't.
Yeah.
Well, we figured, but it's not gonna stop us.
We're taking our music to the people.
Right, guys? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, Dave, you know, I don't really go in for sentimental crap, but since we're saying good-bye, we might as well do it with a song.
[ Pitch Tone .]
[ Humming Pitch .]
[ Off-key Vocalizing .]
Somebody's off Not me Yeah Somebody's off It's not you It's somebody else [ Off Key .]
I might be a little off Not a little.
Way off, man! Come on.
What? It's been, like, 10 years.
Yeah.
And in all that time, you couldn't find a few hours a day to set aside to practice? We had lives, dude.
I mean, you guys did.
I guess you guys thought we would get together and stroll to the top of the charts? - Look, Bob, come on.
- You know, back out! Okay? You're not even in the group anymore.
- Yeah, but there's no reason for this to turn ugly.
- Screw this, all right? You're all out of the group, and I'm outta here.
Well, now you're being sagacious.
Hey, shut up, all right? That's my word.
All right.
The next time you guys see me, I'm gonna be up on a stage with three guys who give a hoot! - Well, uh, you guys wanna get a drink? - Yeah.
- Wanna come along, Bill? - Sure.
Where are we going? I don't know.
How about one of those bars downstairs? [ Brian .]
Dave? Mm-hmm? What does "sagacious" mean?