Rescue Me s04e11 Episode Script
Cycle
Previously on rescue me Why is he here? Why is he here? No,no,he is not an alcoholic! Who votes that sean does not get to come to these meetings anymore? Whoa,hold on.
Well,you know what,who votes that I get to stay? Feinberg's been making a lot of noises about you lately.
Like transfer noises.
The guy thinks you're a nut,he thinks you're unstable, but what he's really pissed at is the whole daughter not getting touched thing.
- The daughter is completely- - I know,she's completely insane.
She's completely crazy.
It's a problem we can easily fix,all right? How? You take her out one more time,ok? You pour her like 2 or 3 drinks in her,and you cop a feel.
Is nat all right?Whatever it is,you can tell me.
She has a new boyfriend.
We just broke up 4 goddamn days ago,richard.
Oh,this is bullshit,man.
Next time they have a date,I could show you where.
You busy tonight? No,I'm-I'm-I'm workin' at the firehouse.
Why? Literally? I only need you for about 3 minutes.
Yeah,well,I know.
I'm gonna go get her number.
- Latrina.
- Latrina.
Lovely.
Ken.
- You take it black? - I don'T.
He's kind of banging this waitress now and I think that it might be like,you know,a regular thing.
What?! - Revenge sex.
- No.
- You're thinking of having revenge sex.
- No! Oh,you're gonna lie to me about that now? If I was thinking about having revenge sex,may god strike me down.
- Yeah,well,guess what.
- What are you pushin' me for?! Tell me where mom is,and,um- 'cause I need to talk to her, and you let me have the baby a couple days a week.
- What? - I'll give you a brand new car.
Now we're talking.
Hail mary,mother of god, pray for our sinners,now and at the hour of our death.
You all right? - You ready? - Yeah! You got it? Come on.
You're in,you're in,you're in! Oh!Thank you! - Ok,let's go inside now.
- Shit.
The blaze was apparently started by a lit cigarette, and it quickly spread all over this overcrowded apartment building.
The 3 alarm blaze was called in about 7:15 this morning and firefighters have been here on scene trying to contain it ever since.
Right now we are being told that the number of confirmed fatalities has risen to 6.
That is 6 confirmed deaths.
This is in addition to the 3 firefighters we reported on earlier.
I'm standing at what must be at least 30 yards from the scene here, and you can literally feel the billows of heat coming from this blaze.
No way out for residents and firefighters.
That's 6 firefighters now that have lost their lives fighting this horrific blaze.
You can see the desperation on the faces of these men Well over an hour now and shows no signs of letting up.
The blaze was started by a lit cigarette left on a windowsill and quickly spread throughout the building.
We're receiving reports that the list of casualties has now risen to 9.
That's 3 residents,and 6 new york city firefighters whose names have yet to be released.
Whoa,whoa,whoa.
Wait.
Get out of the way,asshole.
Hey,tommy.
Lou! Lou! Garrity! Hey,hey! Tommy.
Tommy!Tommy! That's it.
Get it out.
Get it out.
Look at me! Look at me! Stay with me.
Get in there.
Sit down! Stay right here! Stay right here,look at me! You're not going to remember them that way! You want a drink? Yeah.
Hello,62 truck.
Garrity.
Hey,what's going on? Hey,you all right? Yeah,why? Just checkin'.
Ok.
Actually,it's funny that you mention it.
I'm actually hurtin'.
I drank like a fish last night.
It's really bad,bro.
Seriously.
Hello? Tommy? com/bbs=- Proudly Presents Me Season 4 Episode 11 - Hello? - I'm horny.
- Who's this? - It's me.
You know,I still don't know your name.
Well,come over and I'll tell ya.
You know what? I really,really,really do want to come over,but you gotta promise me 2 things.
Shoot.
- Ok,number one,I want a- - Blowjob.
No.
Well,I mean,yeah,eventually,but- no.
We want- I want to take our time this time,ok? All right.
I'll make you dinner.
What's the second thing? The second thing is,I-I- I want to find out what your name is.
Let's just see how the first thing goes,all right? Come on.
Come on,pal.
Hey,I need a double bacon,double cheese.
And some spinach.
Uh,no dogs allowed.
Not a dog,he's a wolf.
Yeah.
Yeah,is this gavin,thomas,right? You're the clown with the escalade? Yeah.
Yeah,well,I'm calling from the city tow pound, and you got about 12 hours until this baby's declared abandoned.
All right.
After that,it goes up for auction.
Cool.
Thanks.
Maybe you didn't catch my drift,pal.
No,you're the city tow pound guy, you're gonna auction the truck off,blah,blah,blah,right? - Wait,hang on,hang on.
- Talk fast,asshole.
Listen,the city's gonna auction this thing off.
You're gonna get nothin'.
They're gonna get like, I don't know,8,10 grand for this thing.
I'm offering you a little bit of a deal.
Which is? I'll give you 5 grand,cash,no questions asked.
- No.
- 8 grand,final offer.
You got any jettas down there? Uh,yeah,I'm lookin' at one,right here.
I'll trade you even up for the escalade.
All right? - For the escalade? - Yeah.
No cash.
You know,you could get 2 brand new jettas for the blue book tag on this escalade,you know.
Yeah.
What time do you work to? - I get off at 5:00.
- All right.
I'll be down.
- This it? - Yeah,that's it.
The papers are gone.
As far as the city's concerned,this thing was never even here.
- You got any keys? - Yeah.
You're kiddin' me.
Well,look on the bright side.
If you lose it, there are 200 just like it at true value.
Are you sure it doesn't bite? - Hey,sugar.
- Hi.
I'm sorry.
Do I smell chocolate? Uh-huh.
- And marshmallow? - Yep.
It's chocolate pizza.
Chocolate pizza with melted marshmallows on top.
Now that is true talent.
It's an old family recipe.
It's got chocolate,marshmallow,and pizza.
It's 3 of your cousin's favorite things.
They were my favorite things first.
Oh! - Oh - Baby like? I've seen the face of god.
Oh! Yeah! There he is again! - This is it? - This is it.
This is like the safest vehicle on the road,ok?It's a jetta.
It's a volkswagen jetta.
You what what jetta means in german? "Safe.
" "Safe," that's what it means.
I got you the most modern car seat, it's the best car seat in the world,safest thing.
You know? He's getting all stubborn again.
He kept me up all night last night.
And I can't find a babysitter,so I had to miss tony's gig.
Yeah,well,welcome to baby land.
This is what it's like.
You're finally learning.
You're not ready,ok? My own kid will be completely different.
Oh,really? How's that? Because I will actually be in love with my own baby.
Oh,right,right.
Love.
That's right,I forgot you're an expert on love.
Like you know.
- Like you're an expert on love.
- I do know.
I am an expert on love.
I know enough to tell you this,you know what? The two of yous,you and what's his name? - Tony.
- Tony,ok.
You think you're in love,but one of these days, the two of you are gonna wake up,and one of yous, maybe the both of yous at the same time, is gonna look at the other one and realize, "you know what?I'm out of here.
" Ok? And then it's gonna-he-you know, you're 18 years old,he's your first boyfriend.
Ok,well,you met mom in high school when she was 16! Ok,but you know what? We didn't start havin',uh,sex,until, you know,later.
She was pregnant with me before she even graduated! Right.
We fell in love,and then we had sex.
That's how it happened.
It was real love.
It wasn't this fake,baby had lead singer, - rock and roll love.
- Dad! What? Listen to me.
I know what I'm talking about,ok? I wasn't a lead singer in a band,ok? I had a real job.
Colleen,listen to me,hey.
Shit.
Baby's crying.
Ok,so,um, how do you go from sleeping with mom one second and then aunt sheila the next? Ok,it was a lot more complicated than that.
No,it's not.
Ok,tell me.
Explain that part of love to me.
First of all,I was not sleeping with mom one second and then aunt sheila the next second.
Of course not.
Listen to me,colleen.
I want to make it up to you,you know that.
I'm-I'm clean and I'm sober now.
Hang on,kid.
Hi! You're here! - There he goes.
- You're here.
Oh.
I missed you so much! I know.
I know.
All right.
- Ok? - Oh,oh! Did you call the window guard guy? Yeah,I did.
He didn't call me back yet.
Ok.
What about the terrace guy? Is that the same guy as the window guard guy? - Yes,it's the same guy.
- Ok.
Just,you know- Eric clapton's kids,I know,I know.
'Cause this is-you know,this is pretty high for a kid.
You know? It's not- what are you-get inside! Jesus christ! What are you,nuts? What if you slipped out there,for christ sake? I'll tell you,that's some show of faith,though,I'll tell you.
What? What was I just talking about? - I don't know.
- Eric clapton's kid,huh? a kid,running around the house, the maid leaves the window open,she's cleaning, he's being a kid,playing,blah,blah,blah,and bang! Out the window he goes,huh? stories to his death.
His father's like he gets the cell phone call,runs for 20 blocks, picks up the broken little body of his little boy,and what does he do? He writes that great song,tears in heaven.
You want to talk about faith,that's faith with a capital "F.
" Wow.
I will get the goddamn window guards,all right? You know what? Ooh,I forgot,I had this great idea.
- There is a jeweler down the block.
- No.
No.
- No.
- What,no,wait.
- There's a 2 for one sale.
- No,no,no.
You don't know what I'm gonna say.
I know exactly what you're gonna- - No,you don'T.
- you know what? You want to get him an earring,don't you? Am I wrong? Let me guess,you want to get him an earring with a little,uh, T.
C.
B.
In it.
Yeah,taking care of business,huh? No earrings,no piercings,no tattoos, no nose rings,nothing for the baby.
Oh,my god,come on,who's gonna notice? It's this little stud! What,do you want to blow this thing now? Janet's like She's got a new boyfriend,she's working for that guy, he got her a new apartment.
She'll forget about this kid in the next 2 weeks,I guarantee you.
Colleen's already over him.
All right,all right,no piercing.
Nothing! Ok? The baby as is.
Don't even draw on him with a crayon,ok? Valerie.
Is that greek? So do you like to be called valerie or val? It's ok.
I - this is weird.
Val makes me think of val kilmer.
Is that weird? You know,he makes me think of that movie tombstone,he was in.
I don't know if you ever saw it.
Goldie hawn's husband played wyatt earp.
Yeah,but,I mean, if you really want to talk about wyatt earp, the only one to really talk about is kevin costner.
You know,this is like- my wife named our baby wyatt.
Sexy.
What constitutes a sexy kevin costner movie? Mmm,silverado.
Where he plays the retard? He was slow.
'Cause,well,mmm,what about open range? - I don't know open range.
- No chick knows open range.
This is like one of the greatest kevin costner movies of all time.
Him,robert duvall are protecting annette bening's farm.
It's a little bit too act-ey for me.
- Yeah.
- Too many words.
- I'm bored.
- Yeah? Take off your pants.
So how's your tourettes thing going,richard?I haven't heard you- Nigger! There it is.
Oh,is this the guy? Son of a bitch.
He's a good-lookin' bastard.
Oh,here she comes.
This is the guy? Oh,my god.
You gotta be shittin' me.
This is a joke.
You're not laughing.
I mean,you kiddin' me,with the trucker hat? I'm pretty sure that that fad went out already,ok? Or what,did he drive his 18-wheeler here? - He's an artist.
- Yeah,he's an idiot.
She says he's emotionally available.
Yeah,well,rich,most homos are.
And he's very passionate.
Passionate? She said he was passionate? They go at it.
All the time.
Yeah,like I wasn't passionate!Ok? I mean,look,I know from passion,all right? I'm puerto rican,that's what made us famous.
She wants to see passion,how about I walk over there and pound ashton kutcher's face in? Well,I wouldn't do that.
She hates when people hit.
That would only push her further away.
Yeah.
You're probably right.
All right,I'll go the other direction.
I'll just-I'll walk over there, fall on my knees, tell her i love her more than ever before, and I'll beg her to marry me again.
Then she'll see that I'm the guy and not this this hipster artist shitbag.
And she'll say yes.
Well,maybe she won't say yes,and then at least I'll know for sure that it's over.
All right,give me the ring.
Ok.
You do have the ring,right,rich? Please tell me you didn't leave it at home.
I'm gettin' married.
Oh,god.
Oh,god,that was amazing.
Yeah.
Felt like it was almost,uh,a minute.
New record.
So,let me guess.
You want a fresca? That'd be nice.
There's this great place - down the corner- - Yeah,I know.
Down to the end of the block,take a right,vinnie's,I got it.
- Hey,listen.
- What? We just gotta,you know,take it slow.
You know what I mean?Like, I just gotta get used to you a little bit more.
You know,sexually.
After we've done it about, I don't know,10,12 times, you know,after that initial, you know,I'll get a little bored.
So I'll be able to hold on for a little bit longer,like, I don't know,6,7 minutes.
I mean,the last guy I went out with, I mean,oh,my god,by the end of that, we could go for about 15 minutes.
And,what,it was good? Oh,well,phhhttt.
Actually,it got a little boring.
I mean,it just took so long.
Plus,the guy was an idiot.
Right.
So you're basically saying that this relationship is kind of doomed.
Well,aren't they all? - Can I have my fresc? - Yeah,I'm going.
I really like you,though.
Yeah? I like you,too.
I'll be right back.
Ok.
Oh! I love your ass.
Yeah.
Me,too.
- Hey.
- Hey,you missed breakfast.
Favorite kevin costner movie of all time, field of dreams doesn't count,go.
Open range.
Thank you very much.
All I wanted to know.
Boy,someone's awful charged up this morning.
I got 8 frescas in me,lou,I'm on a massive nutrasweet high.
Don't get me started.
Oh,speaking of high,your new girlfriend came here looking for you.
Feinberg's daughter.
I don't know what she's on, but I think her purse may contain the contents of what used to be in liza minelli's medicine cabinet.
Isn't that enough to kill a man? Didn't make a dent in david gest.
Tom.
- Tom.
- Lou? - Tom.
Tommy.
- Lou! Thomas gavin.
I'm not doin' it.
I'm not taking her out again.
You see these? You see these? Look,this is not a request,this is an order,ok? It's the right thing to do for the crew, it's the right thing to do for you, and it's the right thing to do for your relationship with feinberg.
I mean,it's a genius political move.
You take her out,you give her a little kiss,give her a little feel, make her think that you're interested.
What if she gets interested? Well,then you give her the whole,you know, "look,I'm a mess,and you're so great, and I can't give you what you need, so I'm gonna have to do the horrible thing and walk away and think about you for the rest of my life, especially when I'm masturbating.
" Famous lou end of the relationship line.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey,guys.
Whoo.
I'm dyin'.
I can barely keep my eyes open.
I got hammered last night.
Those long island ice teas really do a number on you,you know? - Brutal.
- Yeah.
Hey,you want to know how many I had? It was,you know,hardcore.
You know where I woke up this morning? My couch.
It's pretty goddamn embarassing,you know? I think I might have a problem.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I have been waiting for this moment for a long,long time.
What's that? A little thing we like to call the 20 questions.
It's from alcoholics anonymous.
It's kind of a little booze exam,if you'd like to take it.
Ok.
"Is drinking making your home life unhappy?" It's mostly her drinking,so,no.
"Do you drink because you're shy with other people?" No.
"Is drinking affecting your reputation?" No.
No.
No.
Are you supposed to haveyesesyesses for this? Because if it's nos,I'm gonna ace this thing.
Lou? One night in the not too distant future, my cousin mike and I are going to take you out drinking.
And if we notice that you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the shay cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.
Why is that? Because we're all alcoholics.
Functioning,yes,but blazing alkies all the same.
Wow.
Ok.
You're on.
So excess is like how many long island ice teas exactly? Ha ha,nice.
This is good,man.
I remember this.
This is neely fights brashear in brashear's rookie season.
They had like 3 or 4 great battles.
This is where this hockey shit confuses me.
Ok,you're not allowed to fight,but then you can fight.
And after you're tired and all warn out from the fight you're not allowed to have, they give you a 5-minute vitamin water break.
It just makes no sense.
Right? Yeah,well,hey,man.
That shit would be fun around here.
Beat the shit out of some guy, go spend 5 minutes in the rig drinking vitamin water? You know,it's not such a crazy idea.
You know,you think about it, you take a swing at somebody around here, get it out of your system,you go sit in the rig.
Take a little break,time out, come back,clean slate.
I mean,seriously,frankie, if you could take a swing at somebody in the house,who would it be? Oh,if it had to be somebody in this house, I guess I'd invite that piece of shit over who's bangin' my possibly former fiance, and I'd pound him in the goddamn face,repeatedly.
Sounds like fun,but it has to be somebody actually on the crew.
Come on.
Who would you pick? Silletti.
Garrity,who would you take a swing at? - Ok,no retribution? - None.
No lingering animosity or future sucker punches? - Nothing.
- In any way? - Nope.
- Ok,you.
Why would you take a swing at me? You said you wanted a name.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
How about you,tom,who would you hit? Well,I was gonna hit black shawn, but,you know,now I'm gonna hit garrity.
Um,you just said there was no retribution.
Well,it's not retribution,that's self defense.
- You hit me first.
- I didn't hit you! Hey,why would you want to hit me? Why would-ok,let's just not waste anybody's time.
I'll make a list of why I wouldn't want to hit you,ok? See,that's the problem with you hockey players.
You're all animals.
All you want to do is fight.
You got all this hostility and anger and madness all pent up inside you.
Ok,you're such a hotshot, why don't you put your balls where your mouth is? That came out wrong.
What I'm trying to say is,you always complain about hockey, why don't you - you ever played hockey? That doesn't matter,I got balls,though.
- You got balls? - Yeah,I got balls! - You got balls? - Yeah! Yeah,let's see.
Come down and play with us.
Play some street hockey with us,ok? We're playing tomorrow morning.
Captain hoops,huh? Well,I don't skate,so There's no skating,we do it on foot,just like basketball, except we don't wear those little pussy underwear uniforms,ok? We play like we're men.
All right,all right,enough said,enough said,I'm down.
I'm in.
Bring your big black balls to street hockey tomorrow morning at 9:00,ok? - All right? - I'll do that.
I'm in.
I played a little-a little floor hockey in grammar school.
- Oh,yeah,it's just like floor hockey.
- Yeah,I'll be there.
Ok,bring your floor hockey balls tomorrow.
You just make sure your pink balls are down there.
My pink balls-hey,my balls are not pink,asshole,ok? All right? My balls are tan! Tan balls! Jerk.
What? You got tan balls? Yeah,I got tan-what color are your balls? Since I married your sister? Pretty much blue.
All right,guys.
Take some of these,pass them around.
Make sure everybody's got paper and some pencils.
You're gonna do this with a real sponsor someday.
God help whoever that is.
We're gonna talk about making amends.
Is this homework? Oh,that's perfect.
Try and stay positive,maggs,will you? Super.
What I want you all to do,all right, is I want you to make a list of people you've harmed with your drinking,all right? People you verbally or physically abused, people you forced away because of your disease.
You take a few minutes,think about it,and start your list,all right? What? Oh,shit,this is hard.
You're shittin' me,right? What? My name's not your top 3? Guys,guys,just keep writing,will you? Excuse me.
How have I hurt you with my drinking? Give me one for instance.
Bottle of midori.
I had to leave the firehouse, come and get you outside of club downtown.
You puked all over the inside of my cordova.
You know what,I was 14 years old,and that was the first time I ever drank.
All the more reason why I should be number one.
Am I on your list? For what? Christmas.
'86.
You grabbed my left tit,teddy.
First of all,it was a slight graze.
Second of all,I drank half a bowl of eggnog that night,through a straw! And third of all,most important,I would never,ever,ever do such a thing.
Guys,please.
Stick to it,will ya? I was wondering if we could go back to talking about the higher power thing that we were talking about in last week's meeting,you know? Jesus christ.
- You got a problem with- - What,the goddamn god stuff again? Yeah,the god stuff again.
Yeah.
We got like 9 more steps to go here.
This is turning into goddamn summer school! - You know- - No,tom,tom,say what you gotta say.
- I want to hear it.
- Thank you,maggs.
Ok,thank you for at least one person here- - I do.
- Yes.
- Being polite- - And caring.
Yes,and caring.
Thank you.
Go ahead.
- God - God.
Thank you.
I prayed this week,you know.
I said a prayer,and I think it actually made a difference.
I think it helped me.
It saved this guy who was hanging off the side of a building.
I read all about it in the papers.
- Yeah.
- The window washer,right? Yes.
You used the diamond-studded saw to cut a hole through the window.
- Yes.
- Did god invent this saw?No.
That's not- This wasn't god,this was technology,and balls.
Don't sell yourself short,tom.
I prayed this week.
Yeah.
I prayed this guy that I was defending, this douchebag I was defending, who I know for a fact killed his wife, I prayed that the son of a bitch wouldn't get off.
I prayed that I would lose,you know.
You know what happened? I won.
I won.
The piece of shit is out there walkin' the streets.
So shitload of good that praying to god did for me.
So I ask you,who should I be praying to,huh?Satan? Oh,every time I hear satan's name,I think of david lee roth.
Oh,get out of here! He's number four on my list! See! Look! Oh,my god.
Judge reinhold? Hey.
How you doin'? Well,how do you think I'm doin'? I'm drinkin' club soda.
Just askin'.
How'd the meeting go? It was all right,you know? We talked about amends.
Apologizing to people that you did or said shitty things to.
You know,making,what do they call it,reparations,you know? I apologize to the 5 nazi pricks I killed in the war.
a lot more than that.
I'm talkin' about the ones I killed hand to hand.
- There's more of a connection.
- Right.
I apologize to patton for calling him an asshole.
You said he was an asshole.
He was.
You're right.
I take that one back.
I'm sorry about your sister,my darling rosemary, for sending her off to that school.
And I'm sorry,maybe,about you a little.
Dad,listen to me.
You have nothing to apologize to me about,ok? No,I do.
Some of the shit I did.
I was never home.
I was always off fightin' goddamn fires.
I get it.
When I was home,I did a lot of things faster then I should have.
I tossed you in the pool down at the boy's club, see if you'd sink or swim.
You swam,by the way.
I wanted to toughen you out.
You were so goddamn timid.
You were never Afraid of anything? Shit,yeah.
In the war,the whole goddamn time.
After the war,not so much.
There's nothin' on this planet that scares you? Not a thing? Yeah.
There is one thing.
What? Some people think that when you die, you see people,like your wife,and,uh, elvis and jack kennedy.
And you and me both know that's bullshit.
I'm not seeing your mother or johnny or connor ever again I know that.
You die,they stick your body in the ground, and you're worm food.
Simple as that.
Death is a goddamn scary thing,tom.
The closer you get to it,the scarier it gets.
Screw it.
I'm gonna order a drink.
I'm kidding.
One,two,go.
All right,guys,let's go.
Everybody up.
Hey,shawn,play the man,not the ball.
Come on.
Shawn,play the man,not the ball.
Take the body.
What are you tellin' him what to do for,all right? This is only about us.
Yeah! That damn tommy,man.
- Yeah,he's good.
- Yeah.
Real good.
Feels like he's treating me like his bitch out there,you know? It'd be nice to treat him like my bitch out there.
You know,all good players have a weakness.
I just have to find out what tommy's weaknesses are.
Give me one of those,will you? Look at black shawn talkin' to mike.
Me and you,we're a lot alike,you know? Probies.
Uh,I'm-I'm not a probie.
You know what I mean.
They always want to give us shit,you know? You're saying we're,like,bros? We're like brothers.
That's cool,man.
You know I know what up,you know? When I first started playing with tommy,he used to make me feel like that,man.
- He makes you feel like shit.
- Exactly,man.
But I learned his,like,weak points,you know, and you can use that to,like,even things out,you know? Yeah.
He's old,man.
You know,you're fast.
Tire him out,and then do your thing,you know? He's gonna tire quicker then you,you know? - Nice! - Come on! Yeah! Hey,tommy,a little advice,next time play on the black kid's team.
Yeah,funny.
Real funny.
What'd you say to black shawn before? I didn't say anything.
Really? 'Cause I saw you whispering to him.
What were you sayin'? He was just asking for some pointers.
I- I saw sean- sean gave him pointers before,so I just- Oh,really?Yeah? You know I wouldn't say anything bad,tommy.
He was talkin' shit.
You know the saying,keep your enemies close and keep your enemies close.
I jumped off a roof for you,asshole.
That's um I didn't know you drank bourbon.
Last time you were drinking - sorry,want a nut? Um,I think they called it the miami vice,right? Instead I had bourbon.
I don't know.
How's it going with the,uh,with the ghetto,uh, kids?How's that going? What do you mean? You said that you were working with the kids- I don't have a job.
I don't work.
I can't work.
I can't-I can't-I can't have a job.
So there are no ghetto kids.
- You ok? - I'm fine.
I'm fine.
On the first date,you were a little- you know,just a little more up.
And,uh,you were funny.
You were really making me laugh.
- Funny? - You were really funny.
What,like joe pesci funny? Like buddy hackett funny? - No,no,no.
- What do you mean,funny? What,do I look funny to you? No! Oh,should we all be laughing right now? I'm funny.
I don't- I don't-whatever.
I thought-I was well,ahem,sometimes,you know you know,I don't drink,so when I come to a place like this-ahem- I look at,like,the vodka bottles- I used to drink vodka,so it's always- that's what I look at,but all the crazy bottles they have now, like some of these-like,designer- like that trump vodka.
That's like gold plated,that bottle that's up there.
Oh,yeah.
So of course,it always makes me think- You know,I'm on medication right now.
I'm,um,I'm what you call bi-polar.
And sometimes I have to take mood stabilizers or brain-drainers for it.
I mean I go off it sometimes,but my parents always want me to go back on it,'cause they just, you know,are afraid that if I go off it, then I'm just gonna snap and try to,you know, run into the room where they're sleeping and stab their eyeballs out with an ice pick or rip their chest out and then bury it in the backyard next to my ovaries,you know? - Why'd you take your hand away? - What? Why is your hand under my underpants? No,no,I'm outside the dress.
I was just was it the ice pick thing? No.
stop lying to me.
why would you - did you take your hand away? - was it the ice pick thing? - No.
I just xxxx I can stab you with the fork.
I could do that.
I'm capable - I'm just saying I'm capable of doing this thing.
- okay.
- it's crazy.
I'm just trying to don't try, just be you're making me nervous, you- I was all over the place.
I'm sorry.
it't not - it's not me, it's you.
I'm sorry, I just I should go.
this wasn't a good idea.
No no no no, you don't have to go.
no, I still have a surgery tomorrow, I should go.
- you have surgery? - yeah, bye.
- thank you, really.
- you're gonna be okay? yeah, no, I'm fine, I'll call you.
so we are all good? we're fine, just - okay.
- I'm fine, alright? I'll see you at home.
you're xxxx now? yeah I've got enough tour.
**** these guys? Cunningham just turned 35, and er whif's leaving.
these boys are trying to cheer hime up.
they ****** ****** shit like that.
***** *****.
hey, hey, no way.
let me drive.
alright.
hey, hey, you know what? I'll take over, alright? fine with me, pal.
********* practice.
Tom, do you uh you got the ***** break on? you have a little uh, *******, next to the uh, break? okay? that's the uh, gas panel.
alright? **** Tom, you saw the little ****** with the *****? she's zooming passed us.
all right, hang on.
we might have to **** that one.
all right, tom, there's another uh, panel over there, by the gaz, it's called the break.
that was a blast, huh? ***** you know what the ***** ******* all right, I want you do me a favor.
just uh, keep them busy, alright? well what am I gonna do- I don't know, just take them around the back or something, - what are you gonna do? - I'm gonna take care of things.
go ahead.
go go go go.
oh yeah.
how are you doing? - what? - you all right? yeah.
yeah? hey there's no lousy fire back here, what are you doing? don't worry, we'll find it, okay? keep looking for it, it's somewhere.
hey! come here, come here.
come on, come on.
okay.
hey.
do me a favor.
give cunningham his coat back, will you? where's cunningham? all right? so as far as you concerned, I was never here.
all right? all right.
com/bbs=- Proudly Presents Me Season 4 Episode 11
Well,you know what,who votes that I get to stay? Feinberg's been making a lot of noises about you lately.
Like transfer noises.
The guy thinks you're a nut,he thinks you're unstable, but what he's really pissed at is the whole daughter not getting touched thing.
- The daughter is completely- - I know,she's completely insane.
She's completely crazy.
It's a problem we can easily fix,all right? How? You take her out one more time,ok? You pour her like 2 or 3 drinks in her,and you cop a feel.
Is nat all right?Whatever it is,you can tell me.
She has a new boyfriend.
We just broke up 4 goddamn days ago,richard.
Oh,this is bullshit,man.
Next time they have a date,I could show you where.
You busy tonight? No,I'm-I'm-I'm workin' at the firehouse.
Why? Literally? I only need you for about 3 minutes.
Yeah,well,I know.
I'm gonna go get her number.
- Latrina.
- Latrina.
Lovely.
Ken.
- You take it black? - I don'T.
He's kind of banging this waitress now and I think that it might be like,you know,a regular thing.
What?! - Revenge sex.
- No.
- You're thinking of having revenge sex.
- No! Oh,you're gonna lie to me about that now? If I was thinking about having revenge sex,may god strike me down.
- Yeah,well,guess what.
- What are you pushin' me for?! Tell me where mom is,and,um- 'cause I need to talk to her, and you let me have the baby a couple days a week.
- What? - I'll give you a brand new car.
Now we're talking.
Hail mary,mother of god, pray for our sinners,now and at the hour of our death.
You all right? - You ready? - Yeah! You got it? Come on.
You're in,you're in,you're in! Oh!Thank you! - Ok,let's go inside now.
- Shit.
The blaze was apparently started by a lit cigarette, and it quickly spread all over this overcrowded apartment building.
The 3 alarm blaze was called in about 7:15 this morning and firefighters have been here on scene trying to contain it ever since.
Right now we are being told that the number of confirmed fatalities has risen to 6.
That is 6 confirmed deaths.
This is in addition to the 3 firefighters we reported on earlier.
I'm standing at what must be at least 30 yards from the scene here, and you can literally feel the billows of heat coming from this blaze.
No way out for residents and firefighters.
That's 6 firefighters now that have lost their lives fighting this horrific blaze.
You can see the desperation on the faces of these men Well over an hour now and shows no signs of letting up.
The blaze was started by a lit cigarette left on a windowsill and quickly spread throughout the building.
We're receiving reports that the list of casualties has now risen to 9.
That's 3 residents,and 6 new york city firefighters whose names have yet to be released.
Whoa,whoa,whoa.
Wait.
Get out of the way,asshole.
Hey,tommy.
Lou! Lou! Garrity! Hey,hey! Tommy.
Tommy!Tommy! That's it.
Get it out.
Get it out.
Look at me! Look at me! Stay with me.
Get in there.
Sit down! Stay right here! Stay right here,look at me! You're not going to remember them that way! You want a drink? Yeah.
Hello,62 truck.
Garrity.
Hey,what's going on? Hey,you all right? Yeah,why? Just checkin'.
Ok.
Actually,it's funny that you mention it.
I'm actually hurtin'.
I drank like a fish last night.
It's really bad,bro.
Seriously.
Hello? Tommy? com/bbs=- Proudly Presents Me Season 4 Episode 11 - Hello? - I'm horny.
- Who's this? - It's me.
You know,I still don't know your name.
Well,come over and I'll tell ya.
You know what? I really,really,really do want to come over,but you gotta promise me 2 things.
Shoot.
- Ok,number one,I want a- - Blowjob.
No.
Well,I mean,yeah,eventually,but- no.
We want- I want to take our time this time,ok? All right.
I'll make you dinner.
What's the second thing? The second thing is,I-I- I want to find out what your name is.
Let's just see how the first thing goes,all right? Come on.
Come on,pal.
Hey,I need a double bacon,double cheese.
And some spinach.
Uh,no dogs allowed.
Not a dog,he's a wolf.
Yeah.
Yeah,is this gavin,thomas,right? You're the clown with the escalade? Yeah.
Yeah,well,I'm calling from the city tow pound, and you got about 12 hours until this baby's declared abandoned.
All right.
After that,it goes up for auction.
Cool.
Thanks.
Maybe you didn't catch my drift,pal.
No,you're the city tow pound guy, you're gonna auction the truck off,blah,blah,blah,right? - Wait,hang on,hang on.
- Talk fast,asshole.
Listen,the city's gonna auction this thing off.
You're gonna get nothin'.
They're gonna get like, I don't know,8,10 grand for this thing.
I'm offering you a little bit of a deal.
Which is? I'll give you 5 grand,cash,no questions asked.
- No.
- 8 grand,final offer.
You got any jettas down there? Uh,yeah,I'm lookin' at one,right here.
I'll trade you even up for the escalade.
All right? - For the escalade? - Yeah.
No cash.
You know,you could get 2 brand new jettas for the blue book tag on this escalade,you know.
Yeah.
What time do you work to? - I get off at 5:00.
- All right.
I'll be down.
- This it? - Yeah,that's it.
The papers are gone.
As far as the city's concerned,this thing was never even here.
- You got any keys? - Yeah.
You're kiddin' me.
Well,look on the bright side.
If you lose it, there are 200 just like it at true value.
Are you sure it doesn't bite? - Hey,sugar.
- Hi.
I'm sorry.
Do I smell chocolate? Uh-huh.
- And marshmallow? - Yep.
It's chocolate pizza.
Chocolate pizza with melted marshmallows on top.
Now that is true talent.
It's an old family recipe.
It's got chocolate,marshmallow,and pizza.
It's 3 of your cousin's favorite things.
They were my favorite things first.
Oh! - Oh - Baby like? I've seen the face of god.
Oh! Yeah! There he is again! - This is it? - This is it.
This is like the safest vehicle on the road,ok?It's a jetta.
It's a volkswagen jetta.
You what what jetta means in german? "Safe.
" "Safe," that's what it means.
I got you the most modern car seat, it's the best car seat in the world,safest thing.
You know? He's getting all stubborn again.
He kept me up all night last night.
And I can't find a babysitter,so I had to miss tony's gig.
Yeah,well,welcome to baby land.
This is what it's like.
You're finally learning.
You're not ready,ok? My own kid will be completely different.
Oh,really? How's that? Because I will actually be in love with my own baby.
Oh,right,right.
Love.
That's right,I forgot you're an expert on love.
Like you know.
- Like you're an expert on love.
- I do know.
I am an expert on love.
I know enough to tell you this,you know what? The two of yous,you and what's his name? - Tony.
- Tony,ok.
You think you're in love,but one of these days, the two of you are gonna wake up,and one of yous, maybe the both of yous at the same time, is gonna look at the other one and realize, "you know what?I'm out of here.
" Ok? And then it's gonna-he-you know, you're 18 years old,he's your first boyfriend.
Ok,well,you met mom in high school when she was 16! Ok,but you know what? We didn't start havin',uh,sex,until, you know,later.
She was pregnant with me before she even graduated! Right.
We fell in love,and then we had sex.
That's how it happened.
It was real love.
It wasn't this fake,baby had lead singer, - rock and roll love.
- Dad! What? Listen to me.
I know what I'm talking about,ok? I wasn't a lead singer in a band,ok? I had a real job.
Colleen,listen to me,hey.
Shit.
Baby's crying.
Ok,so,um, how do you go from sleeping with mom one second and then aunt sheila the next? Ok,it was a lot more complicated than that.
No,it's not.
Ok,tell me.
Explain that part of love to me.
First of all,I was not sleeping with mom one second and then aunt sheila the next second.
Of course not.
Listen to me,colleen.
I want to make it up to you,you know that.
I'm-I'm clean and I'm sober now.
Hang on,kid.
Hi! You're here! - There he goes.
- You're here.
Oh.
I missed you so much! I know.
I know.
All right.
- Ok? - Oh,oh! Did you call the window guard guy? Yeah,I did.
He didn't call me back yet.
Ok.
What about the terrace guy? Is that the same guy as the window guard guy? - Yes,it's the same guy.
- Ok.
Just,you know- Eric clapton's kids,I know,I know.
'Cause this is-you know,this is pretty high for a kid.
You know? It's not- what are you-get inside! Jesus christ! What are you,nuts? What if you slipped out there,for christ sake? I'll tell you,that's some show of faith,though,I'll tell you.
What? What was I just talking about? - I don't know.
- Eric clapton's kid,huh? a kid,running around the house, the maid leaves the window open,she's cleaning, he's being a kid,playing,blah,blah,blah,and bang! Out the window he goes,huh? stories to his death.
His father's like he gets the cell phone call,runs for 20 blocks, picks up the broken little body of his little boy,and what does he do? He writes that great song,tears in heaven.
You want to talk about faith,that's faith with a capital "F.
" Wow.
I will get the goddamn window guards,all right? You know what? Ooh,I forgot,I had this great idea.
- There is a jeweler down the block.
- No.
No.
- No.
- What,no,wait.
- There's a 2 for one sale.
- No,no,no.
You don't know what I'm gonna say.
I know exactly what you're gonna- - No,you don'T.
- you know what? You want to get him an earring,don't you? Am I wrong? Let me guess,you want to get him an earring with a little,uh, T.
C.
B.
In it.
Yeah,taking care of business,huh? No earrings,no piercings,no tattoos, no nose rings,nothing for the baby.
Oh,my god,come on,who's gonna notice? It's this little stud! What,do you want to blow this thing now? Janet's like She's got a new boyfriend,she's working for that guy, he got her a new apartment.
She'll forget about this kid in the next 2 weeks,I guarantee you.
Colleen's already over him.
All right,all right,no piercing.
Nothing! Ok? The baby as is.
Don't even draw on him with a crayon,ok? Valerie.
Is that greek? So do you like to be called valerie or val? It's ok.
I - this is weird.
Val makes me think of val kilmer.
Is that weird? You know,he makes me think of that movie tombstone,he was in.
I don't know if you ever saw it.
Goldie hawn's husband played wyatt earp.
Yeah,but,I mean, if you really want to talk about wyatt earp, the only one to really talk about is kevin costner.
You know,this is like- my wife named our baby wyatt.
Sexy.
What constitutes a sexy kevin costner movie? Mmm,silverado.
Where he plays the retard? He was slow.
'Cause,well,mmm,what about open range? - I don't know open range.
- No chick knows open range.
This is like one of the greatest kevin costner movies of all time.
Him,robert duvall are protecting annette bening's farm.
It's a little bit too act-ey for me.
- Yeah.
- Too many words.
- I'm bored.
- Yeah? Take off your pants.
So how's your tourettes thing going,richard?I haven't heard you- Nigger! There it is.
Oh,is this the guy? Son of a bitch.
He's a good-lookin' bastard.
Oh,here she comes.
This is the guy? Oh,my god.
You gotta be shittin' me.
This is a joke.
You're not laughing.
I mean,you kiddin' me,with the trucker hat? I'm pretty sure that that fad went out already,ok? Or what,did he drive his 18-wheeler here? - He's an artist.
- Yeah,he's an idiot.
She says he's emotionally available.
Yeah,well,rich,most homos are.
And he's very passionate.
Passionate? She said he was passionate? They go at it.
All the time.
Yeah,like I wasn't passionate!Ok? I mean,look,I know from passion,all right? I'm puerto rican,that's what made us famous.
She wants to see passion,how about I walk over there and pound ashton kutcher's face in? Well,I wouldn't do that.
She hates when people hit.
That would only push her further away.
Yeah.
You're probably right.
All right,I'll go the other direction.
I'll just-I'll walk over there, fall on my knees, tell her i love her more than ever before, and I'll beg her to marry me again.
Then she'll see that I'm the guy and not this this hipster artist shitbag.
And she'll say yes.
Well,maybe she won't say yes,and then at least I'll know for sure that it's over.
All right,give me the ring.
Ok.
You do have the ring,right,rich? Please tell me you didn't leave it at home.
I'm gettin' married.
Oh,god.
Oh,god,that was amazing.
Yeah.
Felt like it was almost,uh,a minute.
New record.
So,let me guess.
You want a fresca? That'd be nice.
There's this great place - down the corner- - Yeah,I know.
Down to the end of the block,take a right,vinnie's,I got it.
- Hey,listen.
- What? We just gotta,you know,take it slow.
You know what I mean?Like, I just gotta get used to you a little bit more.
You know,sexually.
After we've done it about, I don't know,10,12 times, you know,after that initial, you know,I'll get a little bored.
So I'll be able to hold on for a little bit longer,like, I don't know,6,7 minutes.
I mean,the last guy I went out with, I mean,oh,my god,by the end of that, we could go for about 15 minutes.
And,what,it was good? Oh,well,phhhttt.
Actually,it got a little boring.
I mean,it just took so long.
Plus,the guy was an idiot.
Right.
So you're basically saying that this relationship is kind of doomed.
Well,aren't they all? - Can I have my fresc? - Yeah,I'm going.
I really like you,though.
Yeah? I like you,too.
I'll be right back.
Ok.
Oh! I love your ass.
Yeah.
Me,too.
- Hey.
- Hey,you missed breakfast.
Favorite kevin costner movie of all time, field of dreams doesn't count,go.
Open range.
Thank you very much.
All I wanted to know.
Boy,someone's awful charged up this morning.
I got 8 frescas in me,lou,I'm on a massive nutrasweet high.
Don't get me started.
Oh,speaking of high,your new girlfriend came here looking for you.
Feinberg's daughter.
I don't know what she's on, but I think her purse may contain the contents of what used to be in liza minelli's medicine cabinet.
Isn't that enough to kill a man? Didn't make a dent in david gest.
Tom.
- Tom.
- Lou? - Tom.
Tommy.
- Lou! Thomas gavin.
I'm not doin' it.
I'm not taking her out again.
You see these? You see these? Look,this is not a request,this is an order,ok? It's the right thing to do for the crew, it's the right thing to do for you, and it's the right thing to do for your relationship with feinberg.
I mean,it's a genius political move.
You take her out,you give her a little kiss,give her a little feel, make her think that you're interested.
What if she gets interested? Well,then you give her the whole,you know, "look,I'm a mess,and you're so great, and I can't give you what you need, so I'm gonna have to do the horrible thing and walk away and think about you for the rest of my life, especially when I'm masturbating.
" Famous lou end of the relationship line.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey,guys.
Whoo.
I'm dyin'.
I can barely keep my eyes open.
I got hammered last night.
Those long island ice teas really do a number on you,you know? - Brutal.
- Yeah.
Hey,you want to know how many I had? It was,you know,hardcore.
You know where I woke up this morning? My couch.
It's pretty goddamn embarassing,you know? I think I might have a problem.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I have been waiting for this moment for a long,long time.
What's that? A little thing we like to call the 20 questions.
It's from alcoholics anonymous.
It's kind of a little booze exam,if you'd like to take it.
Ok.
"Is drinking making your home life unhappy?" It's mostly her drinking,so,no.
"Do you drink because you're shy with other people?" No.
"Is drinking affecting your reputation?" No.
No.
No.
Are you supposed to haveyesesyesses for this? Because if it's nos,I'm gonna ace this thing.
Lou? One night in the not too distant future, my cousin mike and I are going to take you out drinking.
And if we notice that you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the shay cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.
Why is that? Because we're all alcoholics.
Functioning,yes,but blazing alkies all the same.
Wow.
Ok.
You're on.
So excess is like how many long island ice teas exactly? Ha ha,nice.
This is good,man.
I remember this.
This is neely fights brashear in brashear's rookie season.
They had like 3 or 4 great battles.
This is where this hockey shit confuses me.
Ok,you're not allowed to fight,but then you can fight.
And after you're tired and all warn out from the fight you're not allowed to have, they give you a 5-minute vitamin water break.
It just makes no sense.
Right? Yeah,well,hey,man.
That shit would be fun around here.
Beat the shit out of some guy, go spend 5 minutes in the rig drinking vitamin water? You know,it's not such a crazy idea.
You know,you think about it, you take a swing at somebody around here, get it out of your system,you go sit in the rig.
Take a little break,time out, come back,clean slate.
I mean,seriously,frankie, if you could take a swing at somebody in the house,who would it be? Oh,if it had to be somebody in this house, I guess I'd invite that piece of shit over who's bangin' my possibly former fiance, and I'd pound him in the goddamn face,repeatedly.
Sounds like fun,but it has to be somebody actually on the crew.
Come on.
Who would you pick? Silletti.
Garrity,who would you take a swing at? - Ok,no retribution? - None.
No lingering animosity or future sucker punches? - Nothing.
- In any way? - Nope.
- Ok,you.
Why would you take a swing at me? You said you wanted a name.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
How about you,tom,who would you hit? Well,I was gonna hit black shawn, but,you know,now I'm gonna hit garrity.
Um,you just said there was no retribution.
Well,it's not retribution,that's self defense.
- You hit me first.
- I didn't hit you! Hey,why would you want to hit me? Why would-ok,let's just not waste anybody's time.
I'll make a list of why I wouldn't want to hit you,ok? See,that's the problem with you hockey players.
You're all animals.
All you want to do is fight.
You got all this hostility and anger and madness all pent up inside you.
Ok,you're such a hotshot, why don't you put your balls where your mouth is? That came out wrong.
What I'm trying to say is,you always complain about hockey, why don't you - you ever played hockey? That doesn't matter,I got balls,though.
- You got balls? - Yeah,I got balls! - You got balls? - Yeah! Yeah,let's see.
Come down and play with us.
Play some street hockey with us,ok? We're playing tomorrow morning.
Captain hoops,huh? Well,I don't skate,so There's no skating,we do it on foot,just like basketball, except we don't wear those little pussy underwear uniforms,ok? We play like we're men.
All right,all right,enough said,enough said,I'm down.
I'm in.
Bring your big black balls to street hockey tomorrow morning at 9:00,ok? - All right? - I'll do that.
I'm in.
I played a little-a little floor hockey in grammar school.
- Oh,yeah,it's just like floor hockey.
- Yeah,I'll be there.
Ok,bring your floor hockey balls tomorrow.
You just make sure your pink balls are down there.
My pink balls-hey,my balls are not pink,asshole,ok? All right? My balls are tan! Tan balls! Jerk.
What? You got tan balls? Yeah,I got tan-what color are your balls? Since I married your sister? Pretty much blue.
All right,guys.
Take some of these,pass them around.
Make sure everybody's got paper and some pencils.
You're gonna do this with a real sponsor someday.
God help whoever that is.
We're gonna talk about making amends.
Is this homework? Oh,that's perfect.
Try and stay positive,maggs,will you? Super.
What I want you all to do,all right, is I want you to make a list of people you've harmed with your drinking,all right? People you verbally or physically abused, people you forced away because of your disease.
You take a few minutes,think about it,and start your list,all right? What? Oh,shit,this is hard.
You're shittin' me,right? What? My name's not your top 3? Guys,guys,just keep writing,will you? Excuse me.
How have I hurt you with my drinking? Give me one for instance.
Bottle of midori.
I had to leave the firehouse, come and get you outside of club downtown.
You puked all over the inside of my cordova.
You know what,I was 14 years old,and that was the first time I ever drank.
All the more reason why I should be number one.
Am I on your list? For what? Christmas.
'86.
You grabbed my left tit,teddy.
First of all,it was a slight graze.
Second of all,I drank half a bowl of eggnog that night,through a straw! And third of all,most important,I would never,ever,ever do such a thing.
Guys,please.
Stick to it,will ya? I was wondering if we could go back to talking about the higher power thing that we were talking about in last week's meeting,you know? Jesus christ.
- You got a problem with- - What,the goddamn god stuff again? Yeah,the god stuff again.
Yeah.
We got like 9 more steps to go here.
This is turning into goddamn summer school! - You know- - No,tom,tom,say what you gotta say.
- I want to hear it.
- Thank you,maggs.
Ok,thank you for at least one person here- - I do.
- Yes.
- Being polite- - And caring.
Yes,and caring.
Thank you.
Go ahead.
- God - God.
Thank you.
I prayed this week,you know.
I said a prayer,and I think it actually made a difference.
I think it helped me.
It saved this guy who was hanging off the side of a building.
I read all about it in the papers.
- Yeah.
- The window washer,right? Yes.
You used the diamond-studded saw to cut a hole through the window.
- Yes.
- Did god invent this saw?No.
That's not- This wasn't god,this was technology,and balls.
Don't sell yourself short,tom.
I prayed this week.
Yeah.
I prayed this guy that I was defending, this douchebag I was defending, who I know for a fact killed his wife, I prayed that the son of a bitch wouldn't get off.
I prayed that I would lose,you know.
You know what happened? I won.
I won.
The piece of shit is out there walkin' the streets.
So shitload of good that praying to god did for me.
So I ask you,who should I be praying to,huh?Satan? Oh,every time I hear satan's name,I think of david lee roth.
Oh,get out of here! He's number four on my list! See! Look! Oh,my god.
Judge reinhold? Hey.
How you doin'? Well,how do you think I'm doin'? I'm drinkin' club soda.
Just askin'.
How'd the meeting go? It was all right,you know? We talked about amends.
Apologizing to people that you did or said shitty things to.
You know,making,what do they call it,reparations,you know? I apologize to the 5 nazi pricks I killed in the war.
a lot more than that.
I'm talkin' about the ones I killed hand to hand.
- There's more of a connection.
- Right.
I apologize to patton for calling him an asshole.
You said he was an asshole.
He was.
You're right.
I take that one back.
I'm sorry about your sister,my darling rosemary, for sending her off to that school.
And I'm sorry,maybe,about you a little.
Dad,listen to me.
You have nothing to apologize to me about,ok? No,I do.
Some of the shit I did.
I was never home.
I was always off fightin' goddamn fires.
I get it.
When I was home,I did a lot of things faster then I should have.
I tossed you in the pool down at the boy's club, see if you'd sink or swim.
You swam,by the way.
I wanted to toughen you out.
You were so goddamn timid.
You were never Afraid of anything? Shit,yeah.
In the war,the whole goddamn time.
After the war,not so much.
There's nothin' on this planet that scares you? Not a thing? Yeah.
There is one thing.
What? Some people think that when you die, you see people,like your wife,and,uh, elvis and jack kennedy.
And you and me both know that's bullshit.
I'm not seeing your mother or johnny or connor ever again I know that.
You die,they stick your body in the ground, and you're worm food.
Simple as that.
Death is a goddamn scary thing,tom.
The closer you get to it,the scarier it gets.
Screw it.
I'm gonna order a drink.
I'm kidding.
One,two,go.
All right,guys,let's go.
Everybody up.
Hey,shawn,play the man,not the ball.
Come on.
Shawn,play the man,not the ball.
Take the body.
What are you tellin' him what to do for,all right? This is only about us.
Yeah! That damn tommy,man.
- Yeah,he's good.
- Yeah.
Real good.
Feels like he's treating me like his bitch out there,you know? It'd be nice to treat him like my bitch out there.
You know,all good players have a weakness.
I just have to find out what tommy's weaknesses are.
Give me one of those,will you? Look at black shawn talkin' to mike.
Me and you,we're a lot alike,you know? Probies.
Uh,I'm-I'm not a probie.
You know what I mean.
They always want to give us shit,you know? You're saying we're,like,bros? We're like brothers.
That's cool,man.
You know I know what up,you know? When I first started playing with tommy,he used to make me feel like that,man.
- He makes you feel like shit.
- Exactly,man.
But I learned his,like,weak points,you know, and you can use that to,like,even things out,you know? Yeah.
He's old,man.
You know,you're fast.
Tire him out,and then do your thing,you know? He's gonna tire quicker then you,you know? - Nice! - Come on! Yeah! Hey,tommy,a little advice,next time play on the black kid's team.
Yeah,funny.
Real funny.
What'd you say to black shawn before? I didn't say anything.
Really? 'Cause I saw you whispering to him.
What were you sayin'? He was just asking for some pointers.
I- I saw sean- sean gave him pointers before,so I just- Oh,really?Yeah? You know I wouldn't say anything bad,tommy.
He was talkin' shit.
You know the saying,keep your enemies close and keep your enemies close.
I jumped off a roof for you,asshole.
That's um I didn't know you drank bourbon.
Last time you were drinking - sorry,want a nut? Um,I think they called it the miami vice,right? Instead I had bourbon.
I don't know.
How's it going with the,uh,with the ghetto,uh, kids?How's that going? What do you mean? You said that you were working with the kids- I don't have a job.
I don't work.
I can't work.
I can't-I can't-I can't have a job.
So there are no ghetto kids.
- You ok? - I'm fine.
I'm fine.
On the first date,you were a little- you know,just a little more up.
And,uh,you were funny.
You were really making me laugh.
- Funny? - You were really funny.
What,like joe pesci funny? Like buddy hackett funny? - No,no,no.
- What do you mean,funny? What,do I look funny to you? No! Oh,should we all be laughing right now? I'm funny.
I don't- I don't-whatever.
I thought-I was well,ahem,sometimes,you know you know,I don't drink,so when I come to a place like this-ahem- I look at,like,the vodka bottles- I used to drink vodka,so it's always- that's what I look at,but all the crazy bottles they have now, like some of these-like,designer- like that trump vodka.
That's like gold plated,that bottle that's up there.
Oh,yeah.
So of course,it always makes me think- You know,I'm on medication right now.
I'm,um,I'm what you call bi-polar.
And sometimes I have to take mood stabilizers or brain-drainers for it.
I mean I go off it sometimes,but my parents always want me to go back on it,'cause they just, you know,are afraid that if I go off it, then I'm just gonna snap and try to,you know, run into the room where they're sleeping and stab their eyeballs out with an ice pick or rip their chest out and then bury it in the backyard next to my ovaries,you know? - Why'd you take your hand away? - What? Why is your hand under my underpants? No,no,I'm outside the dress.
I was just was it the ice pick thing? No.
stop lying to me.
why would you - did you take your hand away? - was it the ice pick thing? - No.
I just xxxx I can stab you with the fork.
I could do that.
I'm capable - I'm just saying I'm capable of doing this thing.
- okay.
- it's crazy.
I'm just trying to don't try, just be you're making me nervous, you- I was all over the place.
I'm sorry.
it't not - it's not me, it's you.
I'm sorry, I just I should go.
this wasn't a good idea.
No no no no, you don't have to go.
no, I still have a surgery tomorrow, I should go.
- you have surgery? - yeah, bye.
- thank you, really.
- you're gonna be okay? yeah, no, I'm fine, I'll call you.
so we are all good? we're fine, just - okay.
- I'm fine, alright? I'll see you at home.
you're xxxx now? yeah I've got enough tour.
**** these guys? Cunningham just turned 35, and er whif's leaving.
these boys are trying to cheer hime up.
they ****** ****** shit like that.
***** *****.
hey, hey, no way.
let me drive.
alright.
hey, hey, you know what? I'll take over, alright? fine with me, pal.
********* practice.
Tom, do you uh you got the ***** break on? you have a little uh, *******, next to the uh, break? okay? that's the uh, gas panel.
alright? **** Tom, you saw the little ****** with the *****? she's zooming passed us.
all right, hang on.
we might have to **** that one.
all right, tom, there's another uh, panel over there, by the gaz, it's called the break.
that was a blast, huh? ***** you know what the ***** ******* all right, I want you do me a favor.
just uh, keep them busy, alright? well what am I gonna do- I don't know, just take them around the back or something, - what are you gonna do? - I'm gonna take care of things.
go ahead.
go go go go.
oh yeah.
how are you doing? - what? - you all right? yeah.
yeah? hey there's no lousy fire back here, what are you doing? don't worry, we'll find it, okay? keep looking for it, it's somewhere.
hey! come here, come here.
come on, come on.
okay.
hey.
do me a favor.
give cunningham his coat back, will you? where's cunningham? all right? so as far as you concerned, I was never here.
all right? all right.
com/bbs=- Proudly Presents Me Season 4 Episode 11