Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s04e12 Episode Script

1
BL-BL-BL-BL-YEAH.
- [SNORING]
- [WHISTLING]
- [SNORING]
- [GRUNTING]
- [SNORING]
[CRASH]
- WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?
[LOUD BANGING]
- SOMEBODY'S IN
THE KITCHEN, LEE!
- AHA!
HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?
- YEAH! WE AIN'
DONE WITH YOU YET!
- TYPICAL.
WHOEVER IT WAS SURE IS A SLOB.
- WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE
GOOD ONES THAT GET AWAY?
- THAT CRUMB AIN'T WORTH
SHEDDING TEARS OVER, MARIE.
- YEAH. HIS LOSS.
IT'S GONNA TAKE MAY
FOREVER TO CLEAN THIS MESS.
- HEH HEH. MAY. GOOD
ONE. HEH HEH HEH.
- HOLY TOLEDO!
- HOLY TOLEDO!
- WAIT! LET ME!
LET GO!
- NO! IT'S MINE!
- I GOT IT!
- BACK OFF!
- ENOUGH ALREADY!
SOMEBODY SHANGHAIED
OUR SHIP INNA BOTTLE!
- IT'S OUR FAMILY HEIRLOOM.
WE USED TO PLAY
WITH IT ON BATH NIGH
IN THE OLD HOMESTEAD.
- I SAY WE CALL THE COPS!
- WHAT NUMBER DO
YOU DIAL FOR 911?
- NO COPS.
I SAY WE PAY OUR
NEIGHBORS A LITTLE VISI
AND FIND OUR
BOTTLE KANKER STYLE.
HEH HEH HEH.
- ROLF'S GIANT WIENER WILL FETCH A
PRETTY PENNY AT THE MARKET, YES, VICTOR?
HUH? VICTOR?
WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED?
[SQUEALING]
[BAWKING]
HAVE MERCY ON OUR
MISERABLE SOULS!
- I BELIEVE THIS BELONGS TO YOU.
- [MUTTERING]
- HA HA HA!
- SLEEPWALKING AGAIN?
UH, WE'LL HAVE THA
VACATED ASAP, KEVIN.
- LUCKY FOR YOU DORKS
I GOT CHORES TO DO,
OR I WOULD HAVE
HAD TO POUND YOU.
- OH, ED. ED.
RISE AND SHINE, SLEEPYHEAD.
[BLARING]
- PRIVATE DO NOT ENTER
IS READY FOR DUTY, CHIEF!
- ED, YOU SEEM TO HAVE
GARNERED A MEMENTO
FROM YOUR SLUMBERED STROLL.
- I DID?
- AIN'T YOU CAUSED
ENOUGH TROUBLE?
IT'S JUNK.
GET RID OF IT.
- IT LIKES ME, EDDY.
- INANIMATE OBJECTS
DON'T LIKE, ED.
- HMM?
- JUST AS I SUSPECTED, EDDY.
- ED'S SWOLLEN FINGER
WILL THWART ANY ATTEMP
AT REMOVING THIS BOTTLE.
- WELL, I'll GIVE IT A THWART.
[LOUD BANGING]
[CACKLING]
- WHAT'S THEIR PROBLEM?
- IT'S A KANKER HISSY FIT!
- AAH!
- GET AWAY FROM ME! AAH!
JIMMY!
- IT'S THE END OF THE
WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!
- MAKE IT EASY ON
YOURSELF, CURLICUE,
AND COUGH IT UP.
- LET'S JUST FIND I
THE HARD WAY, LEE.
- COUGH? HARD WAY?
- UGH! LET GO OF IT, STUPID!
- IT'S A FIGHTER, EDDY!
- IF I MIGHT MAKE
A SUGGESTION
- IT'S UNDER CONTROL! BACK OFF!
- BUT, EDDY, THIS IS SIMPLE.
- I SAID IT'S UNDER CONTROL!
AAH!
OW!
- EDDY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- HA HA! ONE BOTTLE,
HOLD ED'S FINGER.
WHAT THE
- EDDY, WOULDN'T IT BE EASIER
IF WE JUST DABBED A LITTLE
SOAP ON ED'S FINGER AND
- SOAP!
YUCK! FRESH! GAH! NASTY!
NO SOAP!
AAH!
- GET BACK HERE!
- UH, PARDON US, KEVIN.
- IF I SEE YOU ONE
MORE TIME, I'll
DORKS.
[ENGINE STARTS]
- BAD SOAP. EVIL SOAP.
SLIPPERY, SUDSY, SCARY SOAP.
- [PANTING]
- OK, ED. YOU WIN.
- [PANTING]
- SEE? SOAP'S GONE.
- WELL, TECHNICALLY, YOU
JUST MOVED IT BEHIND MY
- HUH?
- COME HERE, YOU!
- AAH! AAH! AAH!
- LET GO! WHAT ARE
YOU WAITING FOR?
SOAP HIM! SOAP HIM!
- NOT GOOD. NOT GOOD.
- COME ON!
WAIT!
HE'S PUTTY IN MY HANDS.
SOAP HIM! SOAP!
AAH! OOH!
- I DISPENSE WITH YOU,
DISGUSTING
DETERGENT OF THE DEEP,
FOR I, ED, CAN REMOVE THE
BOTTLE WITH STICKY TAPE.
- STICKY TAPE?
- STICK?
YOU'RE ALREADY STUCK, NUMSKULL.
- AND YOUR POINT IS?
- THIS IS STUPID.
- ED MAY HAVE SOMETHING, EDDY.
NOTHING VENTURED,
NOTHING GAINED, YOU KNOW.
- JUST FOLLOW MY SMELL, BUCKO.
- I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!
- CRAZY, MAN, CRAZY!
- RUN FOR THE HILLS, PLANK!
- HELLO?
- ED, WOULDN'T I
HAVE BEEN MORE POLITE
TO KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING
YOUR SISTER'S ROOM?
- SHH. I'M IN THE
ZONE, DOUBLE D.
STICKY TAPE!
- ED!
GET OUT OF MY ROOM NOW!
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M
HIDING OVER HERE?
- CAN WE GET RID OF
THIS BOTTLE OR WHAT?
- AND WHERE EXACTLY
ARE WE GOING NOW, EDDY?
- YOUR PLACE. WHERE ELSE?
- I THOUGHT I TOLD
YOU TO HUH?
- I DON'T HAVE A GOOD
FEELING ABOUT THIS.
- OK, ED. JUMP.
- WAIT! YOU DON'
SUPPOSE THE TAPE
WILL LEAVE ANY
UNSIGHTLY RESIDUE?
I MEAN, MOTHER HAS
THE EYES OF A HAWK
WHEN IT COMES TO ADHESIVE RESIN.
- RELAX. I'M ON IT.
- UH! AAH!
- OH, DEAR.
- DON'T SWEAT IT, ED.
MY DAD'S GOT A HACKSAW.
HUH?
- WELL?
- IT AIN'T HERE, LEE.
- OUR SHIP INNA BOTTLE IS GONE
FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.
- THAT'S CRAZY TALK, MAY.
SNAP OUT OF IT.
WE'RE FINDING OUR SHIP
INNA BOTTLE IF IT KILLS YOU.
NOW GET OUT THERE!
WE GOT PEOPLE'S LIVES TO WRECK.
- [MUMBLING]
WAIT!
I KNOW WHO'S GO
A SHIP IN A BOTTLE.
- IS THAT SO?
- HUH HUH HUH.
- SOMETIMES THE MOS
PERPLEXING OF RIDDLES
CAN BE SOLVED WITH A SIMPLE
COUNTERCLOCKWISE TURN.
- HUH HUH HUH HUH!
- WHAT A LOAD OF BUNK.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- FUNNY, EDDY.
- NOW, WHO COULD THAT BE?
GOOD DAY, AND HOW MAY I HELP
- A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD US
YOU HAVE SOMETHING OF OURS.
[ED LAUGHING]
[HEARTBEAT]
[HEARTBEAT QUICKENS]
- OH, LORD! THA
SHIP IN A BOTTLE
BELONGS TO THE KANKERS!
- KANKERS?! EVERY
MAN FOR HIMSELF!
- WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHY?
- I GOT HIM. I GOT HIM!
- UH-HUH.
- ALL THEY WAN
IS THE BOTTLE, ED.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE
ONE FOR THE TEAM, LUMPY.
- OH, THAT'S REAL
BRAVE OF YOU, EDDY.
- WHAT?
- WHY SHOULD ED
SACRIFICE HIMSELF?
- HE TOOK THE BOTTLE.
- OH, LOOK. A SPONGE.
- SHH. WHAT'S THAT?
DO YOU HEAR IT?
[CLANKING]
- OOPS! OH, HEY.
LOOK WHAT WE FOUND.
YEAH.
- WE'RE A FAMILY AGAIN, GIRLS.
- AWW!
QUIT HOGGING IT, LEE!
- YEAH! GIVE IT TO ME!
I WANT TO HOLD IT!
- AGREEMENT! IT'S MINE!
[YELLING]
- I THINK THAT WAS THE
KANKERS' BOTTLE, EDDY.
- YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ONE CONFUSED HERE, ED.
HAVE YOU NOTICED THA
WE'VE COME OUT OF THIS
VIRTUALLY UNSCATHED?
- ARE WE LUCKY OR WHAT?
- WE MUST BE GETTING
GOOD AT THIS, HUH, GUYS?
FOR CRYING OU
LOUD! OF ALL THE
- AW, JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.
- WELL, THAT SENSE OF
CONFIDENCE DIDN'T LAST LONG.
- DO SOMETHING, WILL YOU?
- I KNOW JUST THE THING, EDDY.
A LITTLE DAB OF SOAP
WILL DO THE TRICK.
- AND I WILL FETCH THE KANKERS,
AS THEY ARE WHIZZES
AT STUCK FINGERS.
- NO! WAIT! ED!
AAH! ED!
- [SNIFFING]
THE STENCH OF IMMORTAL DOOM
STILL THICKENS THE AIR, YES?
OR PERHAPS IT IS WILFRED'S
CABBAGE EVACUATIONS.
HARD TO TELL.
[ROOSTER CROWS]
[WHIRRING]
- [GIGGLING]
MMM.
[GRUNTING]
ARE WE READY, CLASS?
GOOD. LET'S BEGIN, SHALL WE?
LET THOSE NASTIES
OOZE FROM YOUR BODY.
OOH, DOESN'T THAT FEEL GOOD?
NOW CODDLE THE TRANQUILITY.
NUZZLE THE [BOUNCING]
MR. YAB-YAB!
SPEAK TO ME!
DOLLY AND I WILL MISS YOU SO.
DOLLY?
DOLLY!
[GRUNTING]
IT'S NO USE.
I'M SO INADEQUATE.
[SOBBING]
[WHIMPERING]
- ROUGH.
KISS THOSE BABY TOYS GOOD-BYE.
HUH, FLUFFY?
- IF ONLY I WASN'T A
WEIGHTLESS WEAKLING,
I'D GIVE HIM WHAT FOR.
HMM. HMM?
HA HA HA.
LOOK AT ME. I'M A BRUISER.
HEE HEE HEE!
- HEY!
WHOA.
- I AM JIMMY. HEAR ME ROAR!
- [COUGH]
- GRR!
- [WOLF WHISTLE]
- YOU ARE SO DEAD.
- AAH! DON'T HURT ME!
DON'T HURT ME!
- MAN, WHAT'S WITH HIM?
- MY ROOM!
GRR!
- SEE? MY FAVORITE
TOOTHPASTE, EDDY.
FRESH AS THE DAY
MY MOM BOUGHT IT.
- THAT-A BOY, MUNGMOUTH.
IT'S PERFECT FOR THIS SCAM.
- THANK GOODNESS,
ED. WHERE WOULD WE BE
IF YOU ACTUALLY BRUSHED
EVERY NOW AND THEN?
- ED!
[BANGING]
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU, MISTER!
NOT ONLY DID YOU
MESS UP MY ROOM,
BUT NOW I HAVE TO FIND
SOMETHING TO HIT YOU WITH!
USED IT.
USED IT.
AHA!
HERE I COME, BIG BROTHER.
- RUN AWAY. RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
HMM.
AAH!
DISPERSE!
- HIYA, FELLAS.
DO YOU WANT TO
PLAY? HUH? DO YOU?
- GET LOST, TWERP.
WE'VE GOT BUSINESS
TO TAKE CARE OF.
- DON'T HIT ME!
- ED, HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?
I LOVE YOU, SILLY!
- I'M CONFUSED HERE, EDDY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
SARAH ACT THIS WAY.
- DAMES. WHO CAN FIGURE 'EM?
HEY, WHATEVER I
IS YOU'RE PULLING,
IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.
- AW, DOES LITTLE
EDDY WANT A HUG, TOO?
- UM, SARAH, ARE
YOU FEELING WELL?
- I FEEL GREAT, DOUBLE D.
HUG FOR YOU, TOO!
- BABY SISTER'S ALL CUDDLY AND
SWEET LIKE DAD'S BUSHY EARS.
- GOOD LORD! STAY
AWAY! ED, DO SOMETHING!
- [LAUGHING]
AAH! HUH?
- LET ME HELP YOU,
FLIP-FLOPPED SISTER OF MINE.
- GRR!
TOUCH ME AGAIN, AND
I'll BEAT YOU TO A PULP.
- OW. OUCH.
AH, THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
[ROLF HUMMING]
[BAA]
- A FINE BED FOR ROLF'S
SEEDS, YES, VICTOR?
[BAA]
[HUMMING]
[BAA]
COME ON, YOU.
CURSED SACK OF SHRIVELED
PRODUCE DROPPINGS!
HELLO.
WHO THREW THIS WHATCHAMADOOHICKEY
AT ROLF'S POSTERIOR?
AAH!
[SINGING GIBBERISH]
[GIBBERISH]
- DOUBLE D, AC
NATURAL, ED, SHUT UP,
AND I'll DO ALL THE TALKING.
- MISREPRESENTING TOOTHPASTE
AS A CHARACTER-ENHANCING
OINTMEN
IS FAR BEYOND MY SCOPE
OF VOCABULARY, EDDY.
- AND I HAVEN'T A CLUE
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, EDDY.
- I SAID SHUT IT, STUPID.
AHEM.
[SINGING]
- [GRUMBLING]
GEE, SINCE WHEN DID ROLF
TURN INTO ONE OF THOSE
STUFFED-SHIRT, BLOWHARD SINGER TYPES?
THE GUY GAVE ME A HEADACHE.
NEXT HOUSE.
- THANK YOU.
- ODD.
ISN'T THAT THE BOOMERANG
SARAH HAD EARLIER TODAY?
- BOOMERJIGGER?
- OW.
CERTAINLY YOU'VE HEARD
OF A BOOMERANG, ED.
ITS MAGNIFICEN
AERODYNAMIC PROPERTIES
ALLOW IT, WHEN THROWN,
TO ROTATE A DISTANCE,
THEN RETURN TO THE INITIAL
PLACE OF WHERE IT WAS THROWN,
USED PRIMARILY BY NATIVES
WHO BELIEVED IT TO POSSESS
SUPERNATURAL POWERS.
AMUSING, DON'T YOU THINK?
- HMM.
SUPERNATURAL?
[BANGING]
- "CHASING PHANTOMS:
"A DISSERTATION ON
UNIFYING FIELD THEORY
AND ITS EFFECT ON
LEPTONS AND QUASARS
[TYPEWRITER RINGS]
BY EDWIN."
- EDDY, COME QUICK!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!
- WHAT THE HECK ARE
YOU DOING OVER THERE?
THE SCAM'S OVER HERE!
- AT ANY RATE, I
BALK AT THE RESULT
PHOTOMOLECULAR DISSIPATION.
DO YOU CONCUR?
- AHEM!
- EDDY, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
ED HAS FINALLY
FOUND HIS INTELLECT.
I THEORIZE THAT IN PUBERTY,
A HORMONAL IMBALANCE
HAS UNCLOGGED ED'S
- ALL I HEAR IS A
COUPLE OF SLACKERS!
- HOSTILITY IS THE CALLING
CARD OF A WEAK INTELLECT.
- I'll GIVE YOU A CALLING
CARD RIGHT UP YOUR
- HUH HUH HUH HUH!
- COOCHIE, COOCHIE, COO!
THAT'S A GOOD WITTLE BABY.
DON'T DRINK TOO FAS
NOW, OR YOU MIGHT GET GAS.
- EDDY? MOTHERLY?
- AND HE DIDN'T EVEN SHOW.
WHAT'S THE LITTLE
DICKENS' NAME, MOMMY?
- CASEY. CASEY JR.
CASEY WANTS UNCLE D
TO CHANGE HIS DIAPER.
- OH, MY.
GENTLEMEN, THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY FISHY GOING ON HERE.
[BANGING]
- WHAT'S SOCKHEAD
TWITCHING ABOUT?
- WOW. IS IT HOT OR WHAT?
- GET OVER IT.
WE GOT OINTMENT TO SELL.
- CHILL, BRO. I'M
SIZZLING IN THIS HEAT.
[ED LAUGHING]
- AHH. NATURELLE.
THE MAN'S UNIFORM SURE
IS CRIMPING MY STYLE.
MOTHER NATURE AND
ME GOT A THING GOING ON.
- THIS AIN'T RIGHT!
- AHH.
RIGHT ON.
- WHO ARE YOU?
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
- AAH!
WHAT IN SAM HILL
IS GOING ON HERE?
I'M NAKED!
- NOT QUITE YOURSELF
THERE, HUH, BUCKO?
- GOOD GOLLY!
SOMEONE'S MADE A MR. STINKUMS.
BE A DEAR AND DISPOSE
OF THESE, WILL YOU,
WHILE I GET CASEY A
CLEAN, FRESH DIAPER.
OH, APPLESAUCE.
NO MORE SAFETY PINS.
UNCLE D, BE A DEAR
AND GET ME A SAFETY PIN.
- I'M NOT MOVING FROM THIS SPOT!
- WHY NOT USE THIS
BOOMERANG, MOMMY?
- OH, THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.
- I FEEL AN ANALYSIS IS IN ORDER TO
DETERMINE THE VESSEL'S QUANTITY
OF MAGNITUDE AND DIRECTION.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?!
- INKY-DINKY PARLEZ-VOUS!
- WHERE'D THE SCAM GO?
- HERE IT COMES NOW, EDDY!
YOW!
- I'M SO CONFUSED!
- WHO DID THIS TO MY HEAD?!
- WHAT AN INANE, INCHOATE, AND
INEFFICACIOUS JOURNEY THIS HAS BEEN.
[BABY CRYING]
- CASEY JR.'s ALL ALONE!
MOMMY'S HERE,
SWEETIE! DON'T CRY!
- I'M GETTING THE NEED TO FEEL
THE BREEZE BETWEEN MY KNEES.
THAT'S THE TICKET.
- NOT IN FRONT OF
THE BABY! PLEASE!
CASEY, YOU COVER YOUR EYES.
- DISTASTEFUL DULLARD.
ED, EDD, N EDDY
BL-BL-BL-BL-YEAH.