Ghosts (2021) s04e12 Episode Script

1
Okay, MoonRockers. Tonight,
we are welcoming a new
couple into our family.
Their pre-enlightenment names
were Brenda and Ted,
but they will now be known
as Sunrise and Male Number 28.
Hi, everyone.
Wait, what?
I met Sunrise in a
threesome with David Crosby.
And for her recruiting efforts,
Flower here will now be receiving
extra carrots with dinner.
Male 11,
you will be giving her your carrots.
- Sw Uh
- Thanks, Male 11.
Just to catch our new
members up, this
is the Moon Rock.
It is the sacred
meteorite that guides us,
creates the laws we live by,
and that only I can talk to.
In terms of living arrangements,
Sunrise, you will be joining
me and the other wives
in the Moon Tent,
- and Number 44
- Twenty-eight.
Whatever. You will be
communing with nature.
You will be given a blanket
and a stick with which
to fend off badgers.
Yes, Flower?
I was just wondering, is the world
still going to end next week?
Oh.
Uh no.
- (GASPS)
- The Moon Rock
is very happy with this situation
and, as such, has called off
the major meteor explosion
until sundown on
February 13,
(CHUCKLES): Oh! That's great news.
Well, that's all for tonight.
So, uh, wives to the Moon Tent.
And husbands grab your sticks,
and may the badgers be scarce tonight.
♪
JAY: All right, team,
I want you to look around.
You are the best that the
Hudson Valley has to offer.
- At this salary level.
- ISAAC: Welcome aboard,
everyone. Isaac Higgintoot.
- Management.
- JAY: Gabe I know from
my days in New York.
What this man can do at a
prep station is an inspiration.
Oh, right, New York.
Did I used to sell you weed?
I like Gabe.
Great energy.
Cobra, Neel, very excited
to work with both of you.
I would die for you, Chef.
Got to love Cobra's commitment.
Happy to be here. Quick "Q"
who was that hot blonde
I saw in here earlier?
That's my wife.
- Not cool, Neel.
- JAY: Moving on.
- Everyone, this is Amanda.
- What?
What'd I do? Please don't fire me.
Child, don't worry. You were
the only one that applied
- for the position.
- JAY: By opening night,
this team will be a well-oiled machine.
February 13, 2025
that's the day that we
make culinary history.
Why does that date sound so familiar?
- Yes, Gabe.
- Will there be drug tests?
Wasn't planning on it.
Seems like maybe there should be.
TREVOR: So, as you know,
the opening of Jay's
restaurant is tomorrow night,
and the hottest ticket in town
is a seat at the ghost table.
We're talking "Sugar Ray
opening for Limp Bizkit
- at Webster Hall" hot.
- PETE: Oh, I love Sugar Ray.
I watched him beat the crap
out of Roberto Durán in 1980.
(CHUCKLES) I know it's surprising,
but I love blood sports.
TREVOR: Since Isaac is busy
with the restaurant launch,
I've been put in charge
of choosing who will
sit at the ghost table.
Now, there are four seats,
and, obviously, Isaac and
I will be in two of them.
Why do you get to go?
Because I'm Isaac's money manager,
by virtue of the fact
that I went to Wharton
and I have the ability to
touch buttons on a computer.
Which brings me to the reason
that I gathered you all here.
You are the finalists for
the two remaining seats,
and I am now open for pitches.
Go.
This is preposterous.
Hey, is Trevor pushing
his leverage? Sure.
But that's what good businessmen do.
- Plus, the guy's looking great.
- (SCOFFS)
What? I've never been to a
restaurant before, okay? I want this.
ALBERTA: I don't want
to toot my own horn,
so I'll just throw others under the bus.
You really want a guy who smells
like wolf urine sitting with you?
That's a good point.
Sorry, Thor.
That was cutthroat.
But as someone who has cut many throat,
Thor respect.
Well, if Thor's out, then I'm out.
PETE: I'm out, too.
The truth is, with my ghost power,
I'm able to visit a
restaurant anytime I like.
I've already smelled out,
like, three times this week.
This is ridiculous.
I am the lady of this
house, and, as such,
I will not grovel for my
rightful place at that table.
Well, then you're out, too.
Congratulations, Alberta and Sass.
I'll see you both at opening night.
Sorry, Hetty.
You can still come to the opening.
You just have to stand.
PETE: I was standing front
row at an MMA fight last week.
One of their teeth flew
right through my head.
Damn, Pete.
I have a lot of repressed rage.
(SIZZLING)
Cobra, come on.
You were supposed to
turn that 20 seconds ago.
Flounder is a delicate fish!
And my favorite character
from Animal House.
Oh! Stir that sauce, girl!
What are you doing?
It's so frustrating.
I just wish I could,
like, Ratatouille them.
- What's "ratatouille"?
- SASAPPIS: It's a movie where a rat controls a cook.
It's good. It's about a restaurant.
It's like that show The Bear,
but it's a comedy.
Gabe, there's supposed to be
three mini samosas on this plate.
(MOUTH FULL): I think I dropped one.
FLOWER: Aw,
I miss the munchies.
- Hey, that's not bad.
- JAY: No.
It's still not right.
It's undercooked. It's oversauced.
We open tomorrow, and the
kitchen staff isn't even ready.
Look, I know you're nervous
about the restaurant opening,
but everything is gonna go great.
Yeah, Gabe clearly enjoyed the samosa.
Gabe would probably
eat a horse right now.
Is the point that Gabe
has a refined palate?
And the lamb looks great.
Here, let me try it.
Mmm. This is good.
- I like it.
- JAY: There's too much going on.
You can't even taste the meat.
No, it's meaty.
But it could be meatier, right?
"Meatier, right?"
"Meatier, right?"
(GASPS)
Meteorite.
That's what the meteorite is telling us.
February 13, 2025
the day the world is gonna end.
February 13, 2025.
Sam, you and Jay need to
get underground right now!
- What?
- The world is going to end tomorrow at sundown.
It has been foretold.
What's going on? (GASPS)
Is this a ghost thing?
- (SINGSONGY): Exciting.
- It's Flower.
For some reason, she's saying
the world is gonna end tomorrow
and we need to get underground.
I don't have time to deal with
any Flower nonsense right now.
The only disaster I'm
worried about tomorrow
is Neel's tambda rassa.
I should be there for
Jay's talk with Neel.
(SIGHS) Management.
Sam, you need to listen to me.
Okay, it's not a great time.
¡Por Dios, Samantha, escúchame!
¿Quieres morir?
THORFINN: She only speak
Spanish when she very upset.
Flower teaching Thor little.
And, not to brag, but she
say it going "no bueno."
Flower, I appreciate that
you're trying to help,
but Jay is under a lot
of stress right now.
He's gonna be under a lot
of moon rock pretty soon
if you don't heed my warning!
Let's just get through
the restaurant opening,
and then I promise you'll
have my full attention
about the end of the world.
But you'll all be dead.
Uh-huh, sure, thank you.
(GASPS, EXHALES)
I'm gonna save Sam and Jay.
Even if it means stopping
this restaurant opening
from ever happening!
HETTY: I'm so happy for you
about your restaurant opening.
Thank you, Hetty.
But I will be blunt
- I am concerned.
- About the lack of horse pie on this menu?
Yes, it's a concern I share.
I'm just worried that with you
situated at the ghost table,
in the middle of all the action,
you might accidentally
get walked through.
Oh, dear.
And release my noxious curse.
That would be terrible.
That could clear the room.
But
not if you are safely tucked
away in some dark corner.
Yes, I suppose, although
I'd hate to be so sidelined.
True. But one could argue
that, from such a perch,
you might have a better
vantage point from which
to view the entire space.
Hmm. Interesting.
I always did like being far
from the action in battle.
For strategic purposes.
But that does leave the
matter of an empty seat.
One that I would be happy to fill
with your blessing.
Then it's settled.
You shall take my spot
at the ghost table,
and I shall triumphantly
lurk in the corner,
watching over my success.
- Huzzah.
- Huzzah!
(LAUGHING)
You guys, the world is ending tomorrow.
We got to stop the
restaurant from opening
so we can save Sam and Jay.
Not now, Flower.
We're discussing the big opening.
And I'm going to watch
from the sidelines,
where one can see it all.
Why won't anyone listen?
- (GROANS LOUDLY)
- (SIGHS)
Hmm.
Hey, guys.
- I need your help.
- Oh.
- What is it, Flower?
- Well,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news
Wait, did somebody just say "bear"?
You did.
Oh, right. (SIGHS)
The thing is, I have
it on good authority
that the world is going to end tomorrow.
- Really?
- According to the prophet, Bruce,
there's going to be a
massive meteorite shower,
- destroying all life on the Earth's surface.
- CATHERINE: You know,
it's interesting. We've been seeing
some dark tidings down here.
The water heater recently died.
- (GASPS)
- Hey, I'm buying what you're selling.
In our experience, life usually does end
with some mass catastrophic event.
Yeah, cholera outbreak,
doomsday meteorite
it all checks out.
If I could just figure out a way
to stop the restaurant opening,
we could save Sam and Jay's lives.
Well, we might be
able to help with that.
Really? How?
Did we ever tell you
about our ghost powers?
Excited for the festivities tomorrow?
I am.
And I will be sure to wave
at you from the ghost table.
Well, it shan't be a
far wave, because I'll be
just across the table,
as I'm now also sitting there.
No, you were sitting there.
But I heard about your
little conversation
and convinced Isaac that
he'd be lonely in the corner.
And now he'd like his good
friend Hetty to join him.
I gave your seat to Baxter.
Which I heard about
and proceeded to convince Baxter
that attending Isaac's opening
would be a stab in the back
to his good friend Nigel,
whom Isaac left at the altar.
We can go round and round, Lefkowitz.
Whatever. You're not
sitting at that table.
Is this because I'm Irish?
Haven't my proud people suffered enough?
What?
This has nothing to do with that.
Well, then why on earth
are you so determined
to exclude me from this dinner?
Fine. If you must know,
it's 'cause I don't like how
you ended things between us.
What? You broke up with me.
Because I caught you
trying to get with Thor.
As part of a complicated
Good Luck Chuck scenario.
- We've been through this.
- It doesn't matter.
You didn't even have the decency
to talk to me about it first.
The point is,
you're out, and I win.
T-Money.
More like T-New Money!
Yeah, that's right!
That's the kind of quips
you won't be getting
at that table without me there!
Excellent-looking marinade, Cobra.
I love the color on that chicken, Gabe.
- And I love you, man.
- ALBERTA: Whatever Gabe
took in the bathroom is kicking in.
Amanda, that is a perfect consistency.
Hey, what's the deal
with that manager chick?
Is she seeing anyone?
The deal is she's my sister.
And yes, she's seeing someone.
But is it, like, solid?
It's really a numbers game for Neel.
Your number's zero.
Which is how high you can count, Thor.
Thor count to one, which is number
of small, ugly hats on your head.
PETE: Oh, the zingers.
I feel like I'm at a Dean Martin roast.
So, how you feeling?
Honestly, I don't want to jinx it,
but dinner service starts in an hour,
and I think people are
actually going to love it.
ISAAC: We made it, guys.
Huzzah. Ah, this would be more impactful
if either of you could hear me.
FLOWER: All right, let's hurry.
After this, we still need
to convince Sam and Jay
to seek shelter downstairs with us.
You heard the lady. Time to
neutralize the kitchen staff.
- What's happening?
- ¡Viva la revolución!
Yeah, I feel good.
Oh. Hey, guys.
What are you all doing up here?
Attack!
♪
- (STAFF RETCHING)
- What the heck just happened?!
We're saving Sam and Jay
before the world ends.
Turns out the basement ghost power
is giving people cholera.
That not good.
Oh, they'll be all right tomorrow.
But they're gonna have
a rough night. (CHUCKLES)
This is a disaster. Flower,
what the hell did you do?!
You ruined my restaurant!
SAMANTHA: For what
it's worth, I'm hearing
that the cholera is temporary,
and it's not contagious.
Ooh, you hate when that's the good news.
- Do we have to, like, call the CDC?
- JAY: What?
No. We can't tell anyone about this.
Ask for Gary Thomas. He'll be discreet.
He helped me out back in '84
when there was a dengue
fever outbreak in Laos,
and I had to get the Robinsons
home from their honeymoon.
FLOWER: Sam, tell Jay he might be
upset right now, but he is going
to be relieved when meteors
rain down on the Earth,
and all life on the
surface is extinguished.
- Yeah, these are some dark silver linings.
- JAY: Okay, Bela,
let's write up some sort
of damage-control email
that doesn't specifically
mention cholera
- and send it to the guests.
- BELA: Okay.
We can use the template I have
from when there was an outbreak
of worms at the cat café.
Cool.
I can't believe you, Flower.
You knew how important
this night was to Jay.
Please, Sam, we have
to get to the basement.
The world is ending at sundown.
ISAAC: Flower,
the sun set almost a half an hour ago.
- Really?
- THORFINN: Yes.
Great wolf Skoll already
chase Sun out of sky
to begin nightly journey
through Underworld.
Sorry to get scientific.
But
the world didn't end.
I don't understand.
Bruce told us.
Wait. Did the meteorite lie to Bruce?
Oh, she's so close.
You really don't get it? Bruce lied.
He wasn't a prophet. He was a con man.
The cult was a scam.
It was?
SAMANTHA: How do you not see that?
You ruined the restaurant
opening for nothing.
(GASPS)
I'm such an idiot.
(CRYING)
(SIGHS)
Hey, guys, how's it going?
Oh, wait. I remember.
I'm an idiot, and
I've ruined everything.
(CRYING)
HETTY: Trevor.
May I sit, or am I banned from
all tables across the property?
Knock yourself out.
You know, I very much
enjoyed today's battle
of social manipulation.
You are quite the formidable opponent.
Yeah, well, you don't
get to be president
of your local B'nai B'rith
youth organization chapter
without knowing how to play the game.
Okay, it's not exactly the Newport 400.
Look, it's not like I want to
get back together or anything.
It's just, we used to be friends,
and then we were kind of a power couple,
and then we were
nothing.
I certainly could have
handled things better.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
You know, I, too, miss our friendship.
And I agree, we were
something of a power couple.
Mm.
But maybe
we can be
power friends.
I'm listening.
I'm proposing an alliance.
Instead of jousting with each other,
we collude against the other ghosts
to our mutual benefit,
with the ultimate goal
of ruling the house.
- As power friends.
- Mm.
I like it. Plus, it sounds
like a Saturday-morning cartoon.
- Is that good?
- Duh! They rocked.
Okay, what the hell? Let's do it.
Power friends.
Power friends.
(CHUCKLES)
Now what?
Now, we sit and await opportunities
to be better than other people.
Maybe in the living room?
More foot traffic. Smart.
Hey, Flower, how are you doing?
- You're still talking to me?
- Look,
I'm very upset about what you did.
You sabotaged the
opening of the restaurant
in literally the grossest way possible.
But
I know you only did it
because you care about us.
I am so sorry, Sam.
- Thank you, Flower.
- For once,
I thought I was the one
that was going to be right,
and everyone would thank
me for saving the day.
But it turns out I'm just the joke
everyone thought I was.
Well, people love jokes.
Knock-knocks, chicken crossed the road.
Steve Martin's whole
arrow-through-the-head bit,
which, yes, hits a little close
to home, but I still eat it up.
SASAPPIS: You're not a joke, Flower.
Yes, you may have been duped by Bruce,
and yes, you can be a
little naive sometimes,
but it's because you have
this beautiful ability
to see the best in people.
ALBERTA: And we love that about you.
We all could take a
page out of your book.
Bruce promised a better life
when things were really hard for me,
and I had nowhere else to turn.
That's what cults do.
They prey on people who are vulnerable.
That's how I got involved
in the whole Amway thing.
I died with a garage full of that crap.
I really just wanted to belong.
You do belong, with us.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
So, I guess opening night is canceled?
It looks that way.
Jay can't do an entire
dinner service on his own.
Well, can't you, Bela and Mark pitch in?
We don't know the recipes.
Oh.
But you guys do.
The three of you have
been there the whole time,
watching in the kitchen while he's
been training the staff on the menu.
SASAPPIS: She's right. We
know that menu inside and out.
PETE: When to put things in the oven,
when to take them
out, how to plate them.
Yeah, we just can't interact
with the physical world.
- But Sam, Bela and Mark can.
- SASAPPIS: Flower, that's genius.
We can tell Sam what needs to be done,
and, Sam, you can tell them.
It'll be like Ratatouille,
but with ghosts.
Ghostatouille.
- You really think this'll work?
- I do.
But I believe everything,
which we are now framing
as one of my great qualities.
Okay, let's give it a shot.
Ghostatouille! Felt worth repeating
since it didn't garner much
of a response the first time.
It's Ratatouille plus ghosts.
Sam, is it helpful if you
write this down for people?
This needs more coriander!
Bela, that saag paneer
needs more coriander.
- ALBERTA: Oh, these samosas are done.
- Those are done, Mark.
- Table six low on water!
- Table six needs more water.
On it.
How is she tracking all this?
Oh, I don't know, Mark.
She's a woman, and she's good
at her job. I've heard about you.
Not in my kitchen, Mark.
Ah, the things they do to this poor man.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
These are some pretty prime seats, huh?
Yeah, not bad.
Excuse me. This table was
reserved for myself and Trevor.
Well, there's plenty of room.
You're welcome to join us.
You can sit next to me.
No, thank you. I'm good.
Basement buddies.
Basement buddies.
Ladies and gentleman, Chef Jay.
(APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING)
Uh (CHUCKLES)
Well, I hope you're
enjoying your first course.
Um, this menu was intended
to be a modern take on the
foods that I grew up eating,
because, above all else,
Mahesh is about family.
You know, in a family,
you can have your disagreements.
And, to be honest, we had one today.
But then we came together
to make tonight happen,
and I'm so grateful to
share it with you all.
(APPLAUSE)
Great speech. Who is this guy?
JAY: Thank you, everyone.
Enjoy your meals.
You heard him. Thank you for coming.
(ISAAC GROANS)
(GASPS)
Oh.
- (PEOPLE MURMURING)
- SAMANTHA: Sorry.
- That was me.
- Wow.
There's really nothing
Sam won't do for us.
Back to my corner.
Retreat.
Well, I'm glad you
guys are feeling better.
I know it was a rough 24 hours.
Yeah, I looked up the symptoms,
and I know this is gonna sound weird,
but it kept coming up "cholera."
Well, obviously, it
wasn't an extremely rare
and mostly eradicated
infectious disease,
'cause that would be crazy.
- How's Jay gonna get out of this one?
- JAY: Anyway,
we looked into it, had
a guy run some labs.
Science stuff. Turns out,
it was the romaine lettuce
we ate at family meal.
He's blaming lettuce?
Haven't America's honest
lettuce pickers had enough?
Oh, it was my idea. It came to
me because I recently learned
there's such a thing called "bacteria,"
which are like little men
that live on the leaves
and punch your stomach from the inside.
We're still following
laws this fool made.
JAY: So we're all agreed?
It was the romaine and nothing else?
ALL: Yes, Chef!
Man, these people will believe anything.