Metalocalypse (2006) s04e12 Episode Script
Church of the Black Klok
Go into the water Live there.
Die there.
There is still no explanation for the violent murders at Dethklok's final show in Iceland.
And a sad note-- People of the world mourn the passing of record mogul, humanitarian, and discoverer of Dethklok, Roy Cornickleson.
He was killed by unknown circumstances during the Icelandic massacre.
Cornickleson, in his last will and testament, requested that Dethklok front man, Nathan explosion, give his eulogy.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Hello? Oh, ku ku ku, you finally picked up! Uh, yeah.
Sorrys.
Things beens, like, a bit hecticals since my bands brokes up Oh.
Well, yeah, I guess that's cool.
Hey! Swing by.
Pick up Dr.
Rockzo on your way to the funeral, baby! Ah, Wells, I kind of saids I woulds hangs out with Magnus.
Sorrys.
Sos I can'ts.
He a dirty old hunk a Toki! He a g-g-g-garbage can! That's why he done been kicked outta Dethklok all those years back.
Uh-huh! Uh-huh! What are we doings here? I mean, we ams supposed to be brokes up by now.
After all that crazy happened, we have to stay together, right? Whew, not unless Nathans cans apolgizecs to pickle for destroying the record and stealins abigails.
If he were to apologize, his body would physically shut down and his organs would rupture.
He ams uncapable.
Master Ofdensen has requested your presence in the starboard Hull Tower.
I told you all some time ago that there's something much bigger than us going on out there.
You see, there's an unyielding darkness surrounding this band, Do you remember the black fire upon us? The attack on our home? It was led by the revengencers.
The man with a silver face led a group of brainwashed ex-fans with hopes of taking us all down.
Upon my chasing this man, I was wounded, beaten.
And that's the first time I saw Selatcia-- The Half-Man, the man that killed Roy Cornickleson.
I'd never seen anything like it, and it terrified me.
I watched him possess a man and turn him into his pawn.
My eyes met his, and I experienced a horrible blackness.
I felt as if my heart was being crushed.
I quite literally died.
I felt my soul drift away from my body.
I can explain more once we arrive.
We are here, sire.
Welcome to the Church of the Black Klok.
It's an ancient society, a secret religion guarded tightly for years.
They've saved my life, and what you may not know is they've continually saved yours.
I've been looking forward to this moment for some time.
I'm ishnifus meaddle, the high holy priest of the Church of the Black Klok.
We soothed your friend back to health.
The poison administered was built to stop the heart only so it could be restarted again.
When I awoke, I was brought into this room and shown something I believed to be preposterous at the time-- This, an apparent prophecy that I would become a character in.
I would be known as the dead man.
Because I had died, I was invisible to Selatcia, the Half-Man.
And so because I was invisible, I would become the perfect spy.
And so I followed a military general named Crozier to different corners of the world.
I watched him gathering materials, seducing the weak-minded with politics and money to build something horrible, but what? We didn't know.
It was around that time that you had all moved on and were about to sign a record contract that would have been a terrible business error, but after a secret raid, we left with a clue-- A partial blueprint of a dangerous project called Falconback.
And so I returned.
But this falconback blueprint was heavily coded.
And it was so important to know what it meant that we even turned to our enemies for help.
What you must understand is that the metalocalypse has been moving forward.
These events have been foreseen-- The death of a religious figure by the hand of the godless Half-Man set the clock to lurch forward.
That five souls would come to Shepherd us through the darkest times known.
Is that old guy supposed to be Santa claus or some Are we getting presents? What is happening here?! We are trying to tell you that you're the ones for which we have been waiting thousands and thousands of years.
You are the chosen ones.
You mean we're the Jews? The five of you bear a dangerous burden.
As the world crumbles and folds, as the screams of the dying mount, as the unbearable torture befalls human souls, we will turn to you.
You are the salvation.
Do you see? This makes no sense to me because we're not heroes.
That's for sure.
And secondly, we're not even a ba anymore.
What drove you to destroy your record? There's something you're not telling them because you fear it will make you appear mad.
We know why you destroyed the record, and so do you.
'Twas the wrong record.
'Twas the wrong message.
Look.
You were visited by a water beast-- A sea prophet.
She has been your guide fosome time.
She speaks to you in dreams.
And she spoke to you then.
She told you that you couldn't condone that message.
The five of you had to release the appropriate E, and release this message, you must.
This will be the most important thing you will have done.
You're one song away from finishing this message, yes? Dethklok must finish this last song first.
Look within yourself.
You know this to be true.
We've got so much more to tell you about the end of the world, but remember that funeral we've got to go to? We have to go? Now.
Today Dethklok will reunite for the last time to pay homage to their band, father figure, and friend, Roy Cornickleson.
The eulogy will be given by Nathan explosion.
Hi.
Thanks for coming.
Um Okay.
I'll never forget when they asked me to give this eulogy because, uh, I was letting a rabid dog blow me! Uh Very much like our friend, uh, Roy Cornickleson That joke died.
Huh.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh I mean, I remember when we met.
We were young, and everything was simple.
And we had our lives together, and we knew who we were.
And it's all changed now.
Everything's worse.
It's-- My band isn't even together.
And I've alienated my friends, and it's because of me.
It's because-- It's because it's my fault.
And-- Oh Pickles? I know you hate me.
And so do I.
Not you.
I mean, I hate me.
I hate me, too! I don't care anymore 'cause I want you to know that I'm Oh Oh Oh, God! What's wrong with him?! - He ams tryings - To apolgizecs! Pickles? I'm so-- Ughhhhh! I'm so-- Ohhh! He's showing emotion.
I'm so-- I'm so-- I'm so-- I'm so-- Aahh! Says its Damn it.
Says it! Says it Damn it! Ohhhh, boy! Oh, boy! Come on, Nathan.
Say it! You can does it! I'm sooooooooorry! I'm sorry I destroyed the record! I'm sorry that I took the girl! But I don't want her if it means that I can't have you be my drummer.
And I want Dethklok back! This is the most emotionally brutal thing I've ever experienced.
Ugh! Aah! Everyone, stay on this side! I'll take of him.
Come to daddy.
Aah! Pickles, get over here.
Where's everybody else? Where's Toki? Toki! It's okay, Toki.
It's okay.
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
Stay next to me! Ow! You're hurtings me! Now, Magnus! It'll all be over soon.
Revenge has come! No! Arghhh!! Toki! We believe him to still be alive.
The song you haven't written yet will be the most important ammunition you will ever have.
But we're going to have to find Toki first.
And Abigail.
And I'm gonna take care of these once and for all.
Well, you won't be alone.
Die there.
There is still no explanation for the violent murders at Dethklok's final show in Iceland.
And a sad note-- People of the world mourn the passing of record mogul, humanitarian, and discoverer of Dethklok, Roy Cornickleson.
He was killed by unknown circumstances during the Icelandic massacre.
Cornickleson, in his last will and testament, requested that Dethklok front man, Nathan explosion, give his eulogy.
Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Hello? Oh, ku ku ku, you finally picked up! Uh, yeah.
Sorrys.
Things beens, like, a bit hecticals since my bands brokes up Oh.
Well, yeah, I guess that's cool.
Hey! Swing by.
Pick up Dr.
Rockzo on your way to the funeral, baby! Ah, Wells, I kind of saids I woulds hangs out with Magnus.
Sorrys.
Sos I can'ts.
He a dirty old hunk a Toki! He a g-g-g-garbage can! That's why he done been kicked outta Dethklok all those years back.
Uh-huh! Uh-huh! What are we doings here? I mean, we ams supposed to be brokes up by now.
After all that crazy happened, we have to stay together, right? Whew, not unless Nathans cans apolgizecs to pickle for destroying the record and stealins abigails.
If he were to apologize, his body would physically shut down and his organs would rupture.
He ams uncapable.
Master Ofdensen has requested your presence in the starboard Hull Tower.
I told you all some time ago that there's something much bigger than us going on out there.
You see, there's an unyielding darkness surrounding this band, Do you remember the black fire upon us? The attack on our home? It was led by the revengencers.
The man with a silver face led a group of brainwashed ex-fans with hopes of taking us all down.
Upon my chasing this man, I was wounded, beaten.
And that's the first time I saw Selatcia-- The Half-Man, the man that killed Roy Cornickleson.
I'd never seen anything like it, and it terrified me.
I watched him possess a man and turn him into his pawn.
My eyes met his, and I experienced a horrible blackness.
I felt as if my heart was being crushed.
I quite literally died.
I felt my soul drift away from my body.
I can explain more once we arrive.
We are here, sire.
Welcome to the Church of the Black Klok.
It's an ancient society, a secret religion guarded tightly for years.
They've saved my life, and what you may not know is they've continually saved yours.
I've been looking forward to this moment for some time.
I'm ishnifus meaddle, the high holy priest of the Church of the Black Klok.
We soothed your friend back to health.
The poison administered was built to stop the heart only so it could be restarted again.
When I awoke, I was brought into this room and shown something I believed to be preposterous at the time-- This, an apparent prophecy that I would become a character in.
I would be known as the dead man.
Because I had died, I was invisible to Selatcia, the Half-Man.
And so because I was invisible, I would become the perfect spy.
And so I followed a military general named Crozier to different corners of the world.
I watched him gathering materials, seducing the weak-minded with politics and money to build something horrible, but what? We didn't know.
It was around that time that you had all moved on and were about to sign a record contract that would have been a terrible business error, but after a secret raid, we left with a clue-- A partial blueprint of a dangerous project called Falconback.
And so I returned.
But this falconback blueprint was heavily coded.
And it was so important to know what it meant that we even turned to our enemies for help.
What you must understand is that the metalocalypse has been moving forward.
These events have been foreseen-- The death of a religious figure by the hand of the godless Half-Man set the clock to lurch forward.
That five souls would come to Shepherd us through the darkest times known.
Is that old guy supposed to be Santa claus or some Are we getting presents? What is happening here?! We are trying to tell you that you're the ones for which we have been waiting thousands and thousands of years.
You are the chosen ones.
You mean we're the Jews? The five of you bear a dangerous burden.
As the world crumbles and folds, as the screams of the dying mount, as the unbearable torture befalls human souls, we will turn to you.
You are the salvation.
Do you see? This makes no sense to me because we're not heroes.
That's for sure.
And secondly, we're not even a ba anymore.
What drove you to destroy your record? There's something you're not telling them because you fear it will make you appear mad.
We know why you destroyed the record, and so do you.
'Twas the wrong record.
'Twas the wrong message.
Look.
You were visited by a water beast-- A sea prophet.
She has been your guide fosome time.
She speaks to you in dreams.
And she spoke to you then.
She told you that you couldn't condone that message.
The five of you had to release the appropriate E, and release this message, you must.
This will be the most important thing you will have done.
You're one song away from finishing this message, yes? Dethklok must finish this last song first.
Look within yourself.
You know this to be true.
We've got so much more to tell you about the end of the world, but remember that funeral we've got to go to? We have to go? Now.
Today Dethklok will reunite for the last time to pay homage to their band, father figure, and friend, Roy Cornickleson.
The eulogy will be given by Nathan explosion.
Hi.
Thanks for coming.
Um Okay.
I'll never forget when they asked me to give this eulogy because, uh, I was letting a rabid dog blow me! Uh Very much like our friend, uh, Roy Cornickleson That joke died.
Huh.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh I mean, I remember when we met.
We were young, and everything was simple.
And we had our lives together, and we knew who we were.
And it's all changed now.
Everything's worse.
It's-- My band isn't even together.
And I've alienated my friends, and it's because of me.
It's because-- It's because it's my fault.
And-- Oh Pickles? I know you hate me.
And so do I.
Not you.
I mean, I hate me.
I hate me, too! I don't care anymore 'cause I want you to know that I'm Oh Oh Oh, God! What's wrong with him?! - He ams tryings - To apolgizecs! Pickles? I'm so-- Ughhhhh! I'm so-- Ohhh! He's showing emotion.
I'm so-- I'm so-- I'm so-- I'm so-- Aahh! Says its Damn it.
Says it! Says it Damn it! Ohhhh, boy! Oh, boy! Come on, Nathan.
Say it! You can does it! I'm sooooooooorry! I'm sorry I destroyed the record! I'm sorry that I took the girl! But I don't want her if it means that I can't have you be my drummer.
And I want Dethklok back! This is the most emotionally brutal thing I've ever experienced.
Ugh! Aah! Everyone, stay on this side! I'll take of him.
Come to daddy.
Aah! Pickles, get over here.
Where's everybody else? Where's Toki? Toki! It's okay, Toki.
It's okay.
Stay with me.
Stay with me.
Stay next to me! Ow! You're hurtings me! Now, Magnus! It'll all be over soon.
Revenge has come! No! Arghhh!! Toki! We believe him to still be alive.
The song you haven't written yet will be the most important ammunition you will ever have.
But we're going to have to find Toki first.
And Abigail.
And I'm gonna take care of these once and for all.
Well, you won't be alone.