The Twilight Zone (1959) s04e12 Episode Script

You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
Beyond it is another dimension- a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind.
You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.
You've just crossed over into the twilight zone.
Three glass perfume bottles.
Threecrystalbottles.
To imprison the attar of damask rose petals.
Two pottery jugs.
Pottery jugs? Where's your aesthetic sense, man? You can't entice anyone to buy "pottery jugs.
" You think people buy something 'cause what you call it? People don'tbuyanything in a gift shop.
They come in because they don't know what they want.
And then i sell them something.
Okay, what do you call the pottery jugs? We'll display those alongside a couple of those silk pillows, with a loaf of dark bread.
"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou beside me singing in the wilderness.
" I'll unload them in three days.
Okay, omar what do you call this? Well when we buy a shipment from morocco, sight unseen, we take what we get.
To sell this, i'll have to high-pressure some unsuspecting sucker.
Yes, sir, may i help you, sir? Well, i, i hope so.
I mean, i'm not sure.
I don't know what i want.
Well, suppose you tell me the occasion and for whom it's intended, and, uh leave it up to me.
Well, it's, it's got to be something very special.
Yes.
A, um personal gift, sir? Oh, not, not toopersonal, no.
You see, there's this, uh, girl at my office, and she's she's like a goddess.
And i wouldn't want her to think that i was implying i understand, sir.
Oh, i have it.
It's ideal, it's perfect, it's marvelous.
It's romantic, but not forward, and yet, intime, in a subtle sort of way, of course.
Voila.
That, that old? This magnificent old antique- a truly distinguished antique- fit for a goddess.
A continual reminder of your-your good taste, your individuality, your-your flair for romance.
Note the tarnished metal.
It testifies to its true authenticity, and only $20.
Here, put this in a gift box for a most discriminating gentleman.
Thank you, sir.
And i trust that you will allow me to serve you again when it comes time for the, uh engagement present? Hmm.
Meet mr.
George p.
Hanley a man life treats without deference, honor or success.
Waiters serve his soup cold.
Elevator operators close doors in his face.
Mothers never bother to wait up for the daughters he dates.
George is a creature of humble habits and tame dreams.
He's an ordinary man, mr.
Hanley, but at this moment, the accidental possessor of a very special gift the kind of gift that measures men against their dreams the kind of gift most of us might ask for first and possibly regret to the last if we, like mr.
George p.
Hanley, were about to plunge headfirst and unaware into our own personal twilight zone.
Hi, there, georgie-porgie.
Where were you for lunch? Well, l-i had a few errands.
Well, you missed the world's champion worst chili con carne ever offered for human consumption.
It set an historic new low even for that greasy spoon nick dares to call a diner.
I don't care much for chili.
Georgie, witness a solemn vow for me, will you? Right now? But i have to enter these municipal bonds.
I, roger hackett, do solemnly swear never again to commit gastronomic harl-kari at nick's, beginning with the first day of my promotion to head bookkeeper.
But mr.
Watson said that each of us with equal seniority would have an equal chance.
That is true, georgie, old porgie, we're all equal.
But some of us are just a teeny bit more equal than others.
Especially me.
Now, mr.
Watson is fair, roger.
Now, don't-don't don't be overconfident.
I'm sure he will weigh carefully our comparative experience in debit financing and in evaluating liabilities.
That, old georgie, is one reason i am more equal than you.
W-what is? You're always thinking about debits and liabilities when there are assets like her around.
Guess who? Roger? Happy birthday oh! to the prettiest girl in this entire office! Happy birthday! Many more.
No, but i'm theonlygirl.
And-and you would remain the prettiest, even if this office were staffed with the assembled miss americas of the past five years.
Now, stop fishing for compliments and open your present.
Well i wonder what it could be.
Oh, roger! Hey, hey! Oh, it's beautiful! Ann, put it on.
Fellas, fellas can you just picture old man watson's puss when he calls her in for dictation? How 'bout that, huh? Mr.
Watson has a mind for a different kind of figure, sam.
You, uh, really like it, ann? Oh, roger, i absolutelyloveit.
But, really, you shouldn't have been so extravagant.
Well, after all, a girl only has a birthday once a year- until she's 30, of course.
And then she has them once every two years roger.
Come over here.
There.
Now, that's to show you my appreciation.
And to show you that i haven't even learned how to count to 30 yet.
M-mr.
Watson.
It it's my birthday.
Oh.
Do any of you happen to be aware of the annual statement issued by this organization no, sir, no, sir.
on miss lawson's birthday? No, sir.
Then i'm sure it'll come as an agreeable surprise that this company has just completed the best year in its history.
And i believe that this department had no little part in that success.
Oh! Oh, that's wonderful.
So, as a token of my personal appreciation, i think that this is an appropriate time to invite all of you to be my guests at a celebration party beginning as soon as we can meet at the club tiki.
Oh, mr.
Watson.
Mr.
Watson? Yes? Mr.
Watson, you are a doll.
Ah.
Thank you.
And as for you, young lady, they're not the only ones who appreciate you.
Uh, claudius? Oh happy birthday to the best-looking and the hardest-working, secretary i ever had.
Oh, mr.
Watson, they're just beautiful.
Yes.
Oh, thank you, thank you so much.
Yes.
Hey, let's go, kid, before the old man discovers he's off his nut and has himself committed.
I think he's a very sweet, dear man.
Hap happy birthday, ann.
Oh, well, thank you, george.
Aren't you coming? Oh, yeah, l-i'll be along.
We'll see you there.
Come along, roger.
Maybe i can use it for an ashtray or something.
Hiya, buddy.
Hey, how are you, huh? Come here, attila.
Come on, boy.
Here we go! Ha! Come on, how was your day, huh? Here, look, hey! Here you go, come on, beg.
Sit, sit, up, stand, sit.
Heel, fall, atta boy! Oh, you ain't but a good doggie.
Oh, boy, oh, i love you, attila.
Okay, buddy, let's see what's going on here, huh? Go on, go sit.
Huh? There you go.
Ah, there.
Full moon, attila.
Ooh, how are the girls? Here you go, there you are.
Did you have a good day, too? Ah boy.
Hmm.
Why does it always happen to me, attila? Come on, boy.
Hmm? Why does it always happen to me? S-sometimes i think some people must have been born with a-a silver spoon in their mouths.
Me, i must have been born with egg on my face.
Huh.
Now i didn't give her any present.
You know, attila, i know just what people think of me.
A patsy, a jerk.
Hmm, hmm especially that roger.
Sometimes i think they're right.
George p.
Hanley.
Jerk.
Hey, attila, what are you barking at? That box? Well, come on, attila, you can't bark at the box and hide in back of the couch at the same time.
You'll give yourself some kind of a trauma.
Be brave, boy, be brave.
We're two of a kind, you and me.
Come on, i'll show you.
Be brave, attila.
Be brave! Here, boy.
Come here.
Come on, fella.
There you go.
Here, look, i'll show it to you.
Look, see? It's just a box with a with a with a with a beat-up old lamp in it.
That's all.
There.
Probably came from some junkyard.
See? Magnificent old antique, of rare distinction.
Boy, if being a jerk is my vocation, at least i'm good at it.
Gosh it's so tarnished, it almost looks black.
Hmm.
Hmm? What's the matter? Eh, you tell 'em, attila.
Like me, a little late.
Well, let's clean it up.
Sure must be old, if dirt's any sign.
Who who who who were you expectin'? Who? I'm the genie in the lamp, that's who.
Aladdin, magic, the whole bit.
Ge-genie.
G-genie? Yeah.
You-you don't look like a genie.
Well, what difference does the wardrobe make? The routine's the same.
You see, a couple of thousand years ago, i used to wear those crazy silk balloon long johns with the wild turban.
But let me tell you something, jack.
George.
Jack, george, as long as you're healthy.
Today, we dress like the times.
Except for these.
Velveteen mukluks.
Mukluks.
Mm-hmm.
Genie.
If-if you are the genie, then i must be the master of the lamp.
Big deal, master of the lamp.
All right, you got yourself a free wish.
There's supposed to be three wishes.
Ah, there's the rub.
There used to be three wishes.
But let me tell you something, jack.
George.
You don't want to change your name, huh? Uh the scene used to include three wishes, but the recipients were abusing the privilege, so we had to cut down.
So, uh, give it a little thought.
Give me a call.
But do me a favor, will you? Sleep on it.
Sleep on it? Yeah, you know the routine.
Once you make the wish, that's what you have to live with.
What do people usually wish for? Oh, let me tell you something, jack- george.
The wildest.
Oh, it's enough to make you blush.
A fortune, they wish for.
Money, precious jewels that's not so bad.
It's not so bad, huh? You see, you're no different from the rest.
All right, you get yourself a lot of riches, a lot of dough.
Now you're in trouble with the internal revenue.
You got a lot of phony charities come buggin' you.
Long-lost relatives come banging at your door.
It's enough to make you flip your gourd.
Not-not wealth, huh? Forget the wealth.
Maybe love.
Love? That's what you'd wish for? What are you, some kind of a kook? You call me back from 2,000 years to come and help you and you wish for love? You don't wish for love, jack, you find it.
But i'm not really sure what it is i want.
And if it isn't wealth or love, i i don't know.
Well, like i told you, give it a little thought, huh? Ponder, drop it down the well a couple of times, see if it splashes.
But don't go rubbing that lamp every time you get a bug, 'cause that smoke is murder on my sinus.
The next time i make the scene, that's it.
Like, later george.
I can't believe it.
Anything i want in the whole world.
Anything! But only one wish.
Which one, attila? Which one? A million dollars.
No, he's right, that's the 90% bracket.
Love? Too risky.
George hanley first man on the moon.
George hanley scientist.
General george p.
Hanley commander of the armies.
What if, what if i were married to ann? What if what if she were some kind of a some kind of a movie actress, and i were her husband? That would be killing two birds with one stone.
George george hanley, husband of-of ann ann alexandra.
America's sweethearts.
The perfect couple.
How about that? Yeah yeah, how about that? Remember, miss alexandra, you love the guy so much that you do a loop-the-loop as soon as you smell his after-shave lotion.
I'll try.
Oh, darling.
Hello, dear.
Ooh, ooh, ooh- makeup, georgie.
Oh you wouldn't want me to play my final scene with smeared lipstick, would you? No, i guess not.
Final scene? Mm-hmm.
It's been a long grind.
They said you could have a couple of weeks off, but that was six months ago.
Well we could take our honeymoon now.
If you want to, that is.
Want to? Oh.
Ooh, georgie.
Makeup all day, beauty creams all night.
Well, they don't pay a movie star to look ugly, baby.
Besides don't you think i'm worth waiting for? Yeah, sure, but six months places, please! Be right there.
I won't be long.
Oh, what a day! Trying, endless day tonight, no no crawling into bed right after dinner to study your lines.
And tomorrow morning, no getting up at 4:30 a.
m.
To get to the studio for makeup.
Oh, i like that face just the way it is.
Oh, oh, i'm sorry, darling.
It's just that i'm worn out from that ersatz d.
w.
Griffith howling at me all day.
I thought you liked him.
Yes, i suppose.
But he is so noisy.
He always seems to measure virility by decibels.
Well, i guess maybe he'll be quieter at the party tonight.
What party? Oh, did you forget? The celebration party on the set tonight.
Oh, yeah.
We'll leave the party early.
Oh! Oh! Oh, gee! Oh, georgie.
Oh, dear.
Here, kiss me right up there.
Oop! Be careful of the hair, darling.
All right.
There'll be a million photographers there tonight, and andre will have a convulsion if it's ruined.
There! Andre should carry medical insurance.
Now! What i want is a nice, hot bath for about an hour.
Would you like me to rub your back? No, thank you, darling.
You know what you could do for me? You could take the dog for a walk.
He's been cooped up all day.
Hi, boy, how are you? There we go, that's a good boy.
Come on, there we go, attila.
That a boy.
Let's go for a little walk, huh? George! George boy! Hi.
I want to talk to you.
Ann mentioned something about you needing a vacation.
Oh, not me.
Her.
Both of us together.
I'm not going to mince words.
You got to say it's okay for ann to do my next picturebeowulf.
Not a chance, eli.
It's our honeymoon.
Great.
I'm shootingbeowulf on location- make a great honeymoon.
Some honeymoon, hmm? Makeup call at 4:30 a.
m.
, work all day, study lines all night.
Do you know the last time i saw her in the last six months when she wasn't sleeping she was getting herself swabbed with makeup, beauty creams, rinses or some junk like that.
She's a star.
You wouldn't want her photographed with bags under eyes or wrinkles.
All i want is to see her alone with bags or wrinkles.
You want the world's most beautiful woman for a wife, you got to share her with the world.
I did for six months.
Now i want the world to share her back.
Son it's not for myself, but no ann, nobeowulf.
But there are other stars.
Not like ann alexandra.
Millions of plain folks all over the world wait to see her.
Little kids count their pennies.
Mothers go without lunch.
And brave men sacrifice even the tiny luxury of a cigarette so they can buy a ticket to a movie theater and escape the drab drudgery of an uncaring world watching their idol ann alexandra.
Looking like a fairy tale, doing all the things they dream but never get to do.
I know.
Well, then, george, couldn't you find it in your heart to make this one little sacrifice? You're right, mr.
Watson.
I'll i'll tell her to do the picture.
We'll make the sacrifice together.
Ann, darling, you look magnificent! You, too.
Well, please, please, i'd like to make an announcement.
Better yet, i'll make it a toast.
Thanks, old man.
To the brightest star, the most exciting leading lady the loveliest woman in the world.
Ann alexandra, who has just agreed to star with me inbeowulf! Congratulations.
Now, darling, remember the makeup.
Besides, i'm not as good in profile.
Hey, stop, thief! Who's that? Me, mister.
You hiding? I snap something.
Nobody down on this level yet.
Uh you make your repairs? Always i have the accidents.
It is because i am- how you say? Too much prone? Would you like your drink now? No, no, that is just to hold.
I am under the age.
Under the age? To drink.
I have this terrible problem.
You see, in the years, i am a child, but i think i am mature.
Don't you think i am mature? Yeah, i think you're mature.
You are producer, no? Me? No.
Director? Mm-mm.
Writer? Sorry.
Then l-i cannot guess who you are.
I'm george hanley.
Who? Ann alexandra's husband.
Well, for pete's sake, give me back my drink! That's what you deserve for wasting my time, mr.
Alexander.
Now, aren't you glad you're here tonight? Don't be egotistical.
I had to be here, anyway.
I don't understand you.
No man is supposed to.
That's the way we little girls are.
Well, that part i understand.
Mmm, i'll spoil your makeup.
Who cares? Ooh, oh.
Oh, boy.
Whew! I'm okay, boy.
Wow, what a dream.
You know something, attila? The trouble for a guy like me is that when i want something so much, it would hurt that much more to lose it.
Let's face it, l-i would lose a wife like that.
But i still got you, huh, boy? Yeah, you still love me.
Well, at least it makes it easier to choose.
All i have to decide now is between the two other things i've always wanted.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Twilight zonewill continue after station identification.
Good morning, george.
George? Morning, rog.
Morning.
Well, today's the day.
For what, rog? What's got into you? Me? All i said was "morning, rog" and "for what, rog?" I don't think those are very pregnant phrases.
You're real feisty this morning, aren't you, georgie, old porgie? Hey, has watson said anything to you about the promotion? Oh, the promotion.
I forgot about that.
Huh, yeah, i'll bet.
Yes, sir.
Roger? Hmm? Mr.
Watson wants you in his office right away.
Oh, right away.
This could be it.
Well over the top.
They'd never pick him.
Never.
George? The old boy wants another check on all these entries.
For what? A new account, personal.
Hey, this guy is so loaded, he could pay off the national debt out of petty cash.
But didn't you check those entries after you made them? Well, sure! Well, then why do we have to do it again? That's not efficiency.
That's a waste of time.
George how much do you make a week? Same as you, $98.
50.
Well, this joker makes so much dough that he sweats more than $98.
50 every time he ties his shoelaces.
So, uh, waste a little time, hmm? What about this wealth bit? I mean, even with there, there'd still be something left over.
George hanley no, make it g.
Peter hanley tycoon.
G.
Peter hanley, captain of industry.
Crown prince of financial royalty.
G.
Peter hanley, rich guy.
Beautiful day, isn't it, sir? It'll do, it'll do.
Will you be wanting me for lunch, sir? I can't say, but you'd better keep yourself available, just in case roger.
Yes, sir.
No, no, we can't play now, boy.
I'm so sorry, i couldn't hold him, mr.
Hanley.
Yes.
Roger, you better take attila over to "21" and have the chef fix him up a nice prime rib of beef, huh? Yes.
Oh, and not too fatty.
Yes, sir.
Oh, also, you better trot him around the block a couple of times.
His appetite's a bit jaded.
Yes, sir.
Atta boy.
Come on, boy.
Come on, boy.
Paper, sir? Paper? Son how old are you? Nine, sir.
I see you here every morning.
Don't you miss school? Oh, no, sir.
I wouldn't miss school.
I get up at 5:00 for my papers, then i go to the afternoon session at p.
s.
31.
Incredible.
What do your parents say? My mom is dead.
My old man had a store, but it went broke.
I'm sorry, son.
I'll have that paper.
Yes, sir.
Gosh, i can't change $100 bill.
I didn't expect you to, son.
Good morning, mr.
Hanley.
Trl-electronics, up 7/8 on the morning ticker.
Glad to have you back, sir.
Thank you, thank you.
How was the riviera, sir? All right, i guess.
It's kind of like a suburban tract, only all castles.
Gay social whirl, was it, sir? I was about whirled out after the first six parties.
They even gave one to celebrate the incoming of the tide.
Miss lawson, would you take care of these? They're a bit soiled.
Certainly, mr.
Hanley.
Can't they be cleaned? We throw them away, sir.
In your tax bracket, it's cheaper.
I suppose, i suppose.
Shall i start the people in, sir? Yes, you might as well.
Very good, sir.
Dr.
Watson what brings you here, sir? Begging again, i'm afraid.
These days, a college president is much more concerned with salesmanship than scholarship.
Sit.
Thank you, george.
You've come to the right man, sir.
George, you've already done more for your alma mater than we have a right to ask.
This is an emergency, or i wouldn't be here.
How much, sir? Too much, but i'm hoping you'll be able to start the ball rolling.
Don't be coy with me, sir.
How much? All together, 1,200,000.
Now, if you could possibly start us off with, say, uh, ten or 20,000 you've got it.
You're a generous man, g.
p.
We're all in your debt.
George you've made a mistake.
No, sir, i've always been rather good with figures.
It's the entire sum, Deductible.
No, george, i can't take this.
But i want to give it.
So would others, george.
Thousands of alumni, not as successful, not as fortunate.
But every bit as generous.
Giving, sharing the burden and the satisfaction is the cement which binds their minds and hearts to our beloved alma mater.
I can't let you deprive them of the great privilege of giving.
I was only trying to help, sir.
This isn't generosity, g.
p.
It's ostentation.
I'm sorry.
What should i do? Send me your check for the 20,000 i asked for.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Well, sir, ready to see how the old empire's faring? I suppose so.
A few little items here i thought you wouldn't want to miss, mr.
Hanley.
I thought i already owned one of just about everything ever made.
Ah, you can't keep up with yankee ingenuity and productivity.
We've got to buckle down to some serious spending.
We can't let you have too much cash available, otherwise, the government's liable to invent a new tax bracket.
Now here we have a handsome little yacht.
But i already own a 94-footer docked up at newport.
This one makes that look like a dinghy.
Handsome, isn't it? You know something, masters? Buying things isn't any fun for me anymore.
Before i had money, i, i used to look forward to buying a secondhand car like a like a kid waiting for christmas.
Now there's no anticipation, there's no hungering.
I i just write checks.
Ah, you're feeling blue, mr.
Hanley.
I used to enjoy little things like an ice cream cone when it was hot, a ball game getting out of the apartment for a walk in the park.
Now every time i go for a walk in the park, four people come up and ask me when i'm going to subdivide it.
Masters, i'm going to quit buying things.
That's subversive, sir.
I beg your pardon? That's un-american.
Salesmanship is our way of life.
Think of those men living on blue sky and a prayer, depending on you for their daily commission.
They've got little ones, mouths to feed.
No, mr.
Hanley, you can't stop buying, ever.
Buying is your destiny.
Don't waver now.
Do your duty, mr.
Hanley.
Do your duty.
Congratulate me, george.
Hey, george, i said congratulate me.
Con congratulateyou? Gentlemen, you are now looking at the new head bookkeeper of this entire organization.
Congratulations.
Very nice.
Congratulations, roger.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
But the first thing i want to tell you guys is i intend to keep my vow- no more lousy lunches at nick's.
Him they gave it to him.
He wasn't even a good chauffeur.
Well we're down to the last wish, attila.
I'd never keep a beautiful wife.
And money money's no fun if you have everything.
You just sit around and look at it.
Position.
Power, that's-that's what makes the world go 'round these days.
Look at mr.
Watson, how he gave roger that job, huh? Believe me, if-if i had power, i'd be fair.
What do you think, attila? Do we dare wish that third thing? Power.
Prerogative.
Push.
Why not? George hanley, statesman.
G.
p.
Hanley, controller of destinies.
George p.
Hanley, thegeorge p.
Hanley.
Leader of men.
Oh, sir, you'll be exhausted.
Let me tell them to hurry on to the airport.
Watson these people elected me.
They have placed in these humble hands their individual destinies.
I think it only fitting that they see just what kind of destiny they're getting.
They're getting the best, mr.
President.
Thank you, watson.
Thank you.
That means a great deal to me, coming from you.
Very good, mr.
Ambassador.
I agree.
No, there is nothing new in our crisis.
Yes, sir.
Very good.
We are in agreement.
Yes, sir, very good.
Then go ahead, sir.
Mr.
President, this pension legislation will tear the party in two.
If you let it come to the floor, i for one won't get a single vote in november from anyone over the age of ten.
Have you checked with the majority leader to see if he can kill it in committee? No, i did not, sir.
Ask him.
Tell him the president said, "handle it.
" Yes, sir.
Yes? The situation is fraught with tension in asia, mr.
President.
We're not getting enough intelligence down there.
Hold on.
Have the c.
i.
a.
Prepare a full staff study.
Tell bill you need it right away.
Thank you, sir.
No.
Your appointment schedule, mr.
President.
Thank you, may.
Move the press conference to after lunch; i need a haircut.
Yes, sir.
I'll make the u.
n.
Speech.
Tell lorenson to whip up a draft and remind him- jokes.
Yes, mr.
President.
Who are sonny and mickey? Oh, they're the cub scouts who wrote you the letter on citizenship.
You asked to be reminded when they came into the capitol.
Aha.
Of course, there's no time make time.
We'll have haircuts together.
Yes, sir.
Oh, it's almost 10:00.
Pardon me, murray.
for the people of the southwest.
Too bad i can't make all these dedications in person.
Miss may, pass this on to the secretary of defense, marked "expedite.
" Yes, sir.
Save these for the cabinet meeting, priority.
Yes, sir.
And get the economic advisory council to dig in on this.
Right away, sir.
See me after lunch, murray, won't you? Hmm.
Come, boy.
Ah, come, attila.
How's my boy, eh? Here we are.
Good boy.
Mmm.
Oh, mr.
President, i had to see you.
Who wh-what are you doing there, woman? L-i've been hiding there all night, sir.
It was the only way.
They said you were too busy.
Oh, please, please listen to me, sir.
Don't send me away.
Oh, my good woman, come, here you are.
Here you are.
Now, what, what can i do for you, madam? Mr.
President, l-it's my son.
He's just a boy.
He fell asleep on guard duty, and they said it was treason.
They're going to hang him, mr.
President.
Hang him.
Easy now, easy.
He's in the service, your boy? Yes, sir.
The army, special duty at the missile base.
I see.
Falling asleep on duty is very serious.
Oh, i know, sir.
Only a presidential pardon can save him.
Oh, please, sir.
He's a good boy.
Just a little tired.
It could happen to anyone.
Indeed it could, ma'am.
Then you'll do it? You'll pardon him? If freedom is our battle cry, then justice and mercy are our glory.
Ma'am you tell your boy that when you see him tomorrow.
Have the attorney general prepare an order for executive clemency immediately.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, mr.
President.
Mr.
President, you're a great man.
Bless you.
You see, attila? Power is not a difficult thing to handle.
All one has to know is how to use it.
I couldn't wait, mr.
President.
Those blips on the radar screen have just been identified- spaceships.
From some strange planet.
Spaceships from another planet? Huge ones, hundreds of them.
Well, what'll we do? We can't take chances.
Shoot them down! You can't, mr.
President.
There might be thousands of innocent people aboard.
They're headed directly for us.
We signaled, and they refused to answer.
It might be the greatest breakthrough of scientific investigation in the history of the universe.
If they're advanced enough to get here, think of their weapons, what they can do to us.
Our only chance is to get them with missiles before they arrive! What if they're friendly? What if they aren't? Let them land.
Counterattack before it's too late.
The decision is up to you, mr.
President.
What about a staff study? There isn't time! Can we call the congress? It's too late! The secretary of defense? It's a matter of moments, sir.
It's up to you! No, no, i can't decide! I can't decide, no! Not me! Not me! Not me! Not me, not not me.
Yeah, you, mac.
You and your mutt, get off of my stoop.
Oh, okay, okay.
Come on, boy.
But you know something, attila? No matter what i wished for, it wouldn't change anything.
I'd still be me.
George p.
Hanley.
Jerk.
What's the quotation? "Men at some time are masters of their fates.
" "The fault," dear attila, "is not in our stars, but in ourselves.
" Ourselves.
Ourselves.
Get ready, you bored, old genie.
We're going to wish for something original! Yes, master, i am the genie of the lamp.
You may have three wishes.
But when you have made them, you must return the lamp to this alley where others may find it.
At your service, sir.
Mr.
George p.
Hanley, jerk.
Genie.
George p.
Hanley, a most ordinary man whom life treated without deference, honor, or success.
But a man wise enough to decide on a most extraordinary wish that makes him the contented permanent master of his own altruistic twilight zone.